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Old 09-24-2007, 09:59 AM
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Default Heart of Vengeance

- As of now, this story is ready for grading. However, I'm still going to be editing because I always end up finding something that I hate.
- Some of the names are probably going to be hard to pronounce, but I don't really want to make a pronunciation key because it so doesn't matter. Just sound it out. :P
- Full credit to Shady for the perfect map. Thanks :]

- Going for an Aerodactyl
- Approx~ 63,500 characters

Heart of Vengeance

“What is the matter with you imbeciles?! You useless slime! Get that bloody sail back up before I decide to strangle you with it!” The captain spouted his orders through the grueling storm, which had just kindly sent a lightning bolt stinging through the ship’s mast. He watched in anger as the shipmates scrambled to reattach the wooden pole with ropes and wire, only to see it tumble back over hopelessly from the bellowing wind.

“It’s pointless, sir!” came the screech from one of the skinnier fellows; his face pale enough to resemble the moon in the blackness of the storm. The sopping wet clothes clenched to his skin showed off his bony ribcage and twig-like thighs. “Atreya cannot handle the storm, we should ready the lifeboats!”

“Enough!” bellowed the captain, anger bleeding through his eyes. “You will do as I say! Now, I want every sailor aboard this ship to tend to the mast and hold it up as though their life depended on it, Higgins!” His scream hardly reached the sound of a whisper through drumming crashes of the waves against the ship and the wind whistling across the water. The thunder crashed overhead, rolling through the clouds and down toward the earth as it accompanied the relentless pounding of the rain. He refused to show it across his water-pruned face, but in his heart he knew that Atreya would never see the beautiful side of a coastline again.

Higgins scrambled from the mass of shipmates to retrieve every man aboard, and worked to unify them for the one purpose of stabilizing the mast. The sail was becoming more useless with each passing minute. Tears were ripping through it as the wind’s relish refused to subside. A second agonizing bolt of lightning came erupting out of the clouds, finding its mark in the exact center of the ship, and bursting a hole through the lower decks. Moments later, water bubbled out of the fresh hole, spreading to the far corners of the ship.

The captain stood in despair. Showing none of the emotions that he truly felt, he glared solemnly out at his cast running crazily to the fresh wound in the wood. Their failed attempts to cover the hole resulted in their combined weight on the weakened area to break an even bigger hole in the ship’s planks. They were sinking. The terrified yells of the men rang out across the sea, as if every one of them had just realized their fate. And the ship sank deeper. Enormous waves crashed over the sides of it adding pressure to the already water-filled cabins, breaking more and more wooden support, and slamming into the panicking men, sending several of them overboard. A third bolt of lightning gave the ship its final deathly blow, sending wood fragments flying into the air.

“Captain!” screamed a shipmate, this one buffer, and slightly taller than Higgins, though the dreaded darkness showed nothing but a shadowed figure. “Give us orders! What should we do?!”

But the captain said nothing. He stood there and stared with the same expression. Water quickly engulfed the ship. The screams and yells and sobs of every man aboard quieted as the bulk of the ship slid beneath the water’s surface. Rain splashed powerfully, pushing the last bits of the ship into the deep. Atreya tumbled down through the watery stomach into darkness; her last trip had ended, her pride was broken, and she died with her crew; an honored ship’s death.

On the surface, the rain subsided with the passing of the great ship. The clouds parted, and light began stretching down from the sky. The thunder ceased. The lightning ended. The waves flattened. And the ocean-sized lake calmed quickly, as though nothing were ever there…


Her skirts rustled as the clean air whipped by them. She reached her elderly hand up to a face that had once been beautiful those many years ago. Before everything had happened. Before those aged lines reached every last inch of her skin. Yet she gave it no notice, and gently brushed her brittle grey hair away from her sunken cheek. The cliff she stood on hung high over the lake she peered out into. It was beautiful; endless water going far out of sight due to the curving of the round earth. The sun cast warm rays upon it, causing a glittering reflection to cover a vast majority of the body of water. But even in the midst of this remarkable sight, she loathed that lake. She despised it with an understanding of a formidable foe. It was like a tiger, whose gorgeous stripes she would admire from afar yet never dare to get close enough to give it the chance to strike. And so she stood on her cliff, far out of its reach.

The interesting thing about Iternadi Lake lies deep beneath the surface. Even by the clearest sky, the sun’s light would never be strong enough to breach the secret. Truth was, few believed the mystery inside of the lake. It was a fairy tale, a myth, but those who had suffered its curse, well, they believed it. And in doing so, they fled; enveloped in fear or out of mere despair for everything that had happened. Except for her.

Old though she was, her vivid memory played as a broken record through her mind. Reminding her of everything she had lost, everything she had suffered, and forcing a wet sheet of salty tears down her sagging face. Yes, she remembered. And the lump in her throat began to swell as the story burst into her mind once more.

Sixty-six years ago…

Restlessly, the girl tossed and turned beneath the itchy cotton covers around her. Blurred images raced behind her eyes as she slept.

She was running…why was she running? There were crashing noises coming from behind her…getting louder and louder and the more she ran, the faster the source of the noise seemed to catch up to her. The image cleared slightly; a street of houses on either side of her formed into the picture. Sweat streamed down her face as she ran, dripping into her eyes. The salty liquid burned and she squinted in pain. A house beside her exploded and pieces of debris came lashing out at her, cutting her face and arms as she ran, though she had no idea why. The few seconds she took to gaze at the now empty space beside of her where the house had been were enough to cause her to trip and fall in the middle of the street. She turned over on her elbows…looked back to the direction from which she ran. A dark figure loomed over her…she couldn’t see it, it was blocking out the sun. A tiny orb of light appeared at the center of the figure, growing larger and larger with the sound of an eerie whistling noise. It was completely quiet; all she could hear was the whistling that reminded her of the sound of a steaming teapot. The orb was expanding, it was the size of the entire head of the figure…it stopped…and then with an enormous burst of energy, the ball of light exploded, and a wave of sound erupted from it like thunder. The light that had been trapped in the ball shot towards her. She had no time to escape. Her heart raced in the millisecond it would take for the strange energy to reach her, and…

She awoke from her dream with a start, gasping for air like she had just emerged from a deep sea dive. Her body was soaked with sweat; it was as if she had actually been there. It took a moment for her to regain her composure and catch her breath. Rubbing her forehead, she sat up and slowly left her bed. It was early, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to fall back to sleep even if she tried. In the lack of light, she could see the vivid yellow rings of her Umbreon glowing in the corner.

“Tell me,” she said. “How exactly can you be asleep right now when you are more nocturnal than I?”

A dazzling pair of ruby red eyes appeared in the darkness, accompanying the bright yellow rings.

“As I had expected.”

The Dark Pokémon stood and stretched, the rings dimming as he awoke. His mellowness had always surprised her, as he refused to harbor any emotion besides calmness. The dreamy red eyes blinked slowly, and he looked up to his trainer for instructions.

“André wants us to meet him,” she told her companion. “And we are late.”

The crispness of the air in the night bit through her lungs as she breathed it. It was early morning, and a striking silver moon hovered in the sky, outshining all of the glittering stars. It would have been a beautiful sight to admire if she had been paying any attention at all. A wind picked up as they walked, blowing her long chestnut hair back, to make it resemble a cape. The Umbreon beside her moved soundlessly in the darkness. Had its eyes been closed, she would not even be able to tell that it was there.

The town was secluded, and in the middle of nowhere. If anyone planned to leave, they would need to stock up on at several weeks worth of traveling equipment if they expected to reach the nearest city safely. The lake provided all of the essentials; it was a fishing town. Ships could import goods, but the town seemed to do more exporting than importing. However, traders traveled through it twice a year bringing guns, and furs, and other things the townspeople could not acquire themselves, but other than that, the people were on their own.

Last edited by EmBreon; 09-24-2007 at 11:59 PM.
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Old 09-24-2007, 10:04 AM
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Default Re: Heart of Vengeance

The dirt road stifled the sound of the six legs traveling down it. It stretched from one end of the city to the other. The “main highway” you could say, except for the fact that there were no cars and no pavement. The houses and buildings along either side of it were simply hovering shadows bearing down over the street, as she had nothing but the moon to guide her.

She rounded a corner and headed into a darkened alleyway that seemed to have no end. Had it been at least the twenty-first century, this would have been an extremely unwise decision for an older teenage girl to make. But fearless, she walked determinedly down it as if it were nothing more than a bright meadow of spring flowers.

“Ah, nice to see you could find time in your busy schedule to make it,” came the voice of a young man through the darkness. “Timely as usual, Rila.”

She stopped and waited for him to approach her, as she could only see the tiny bit of area where the moonlight leaked into alley. A few shallow footsteps later and the source of the voice emerged from the shadows. He was very tall and lean, perhaps too lean, but the sweetness of his face would draw your attention away from any other attribute anyhow. He moved a hand up to his forehead to ruffle the shaggy strands of deep black hair out of his eyes; the same gorgeous blue eyes she would lose herself in every time she had the opportunity.

“I’m sorry, but unfortunately committing a crime isn’t at the top of my to-do list,” she teased him with sarcasm.

“This one should be.” The man arched an eyebrow and smirked slightly at her, reflecting an image of the little boy she had grown up with.

The area that André had asked her to meet him in was located between the marina and the fish flaying factory. It was completely barren apart from waste and garbage thrown into it from its lack of use. And occasionally, the pleasant smell of rotting carcasses wafted through a breeze that had somehow managed to find its way between the two large buildings surrounding them.

“Of all the places you could have chosen…” Rila covered her noise in hopes of suppressing the foul smell, but the look on her face showed no relief.

“If I had chosen anywhere else, the chances of us being overheard or discovered would be increased greatly. Now we need to hurry, we haven’t got much time.”

Feeling there was nothing more for her to protest, she nodded and followed him out of the alleyway. It took only a few moments to become within eyesight of the docks. There were two different ports in the town. One for the supply ships and one for the smaller casualty boats. The latter was the one in which they were approaching.

André had been “staking out” the area for the past few weeks taking note of the routines of the boats’ owners. This short hour between 2am and 3 was the only time available when no one was using, maintaining, or around the area whatsoever.

Quietly, they sneaked down to the edge of the water and made their way onto the dock. The hollow wood frame echoed their footsteps as they traveled along it.

“This is the one we are taking,” André told excitedly.

“Old Dane Volker’s? That man’s a wack job, why on earth would we take his?”

“Just as you said, he’s mental. He probably won’t even realize that it’s missing. Now hurry up and climb in; we have to go.”

She stepped down into the sailboat as he untied the rope and threw it inside behind her. He reached shortly into his rucksack and withdrew a tiny red and white orb. It expanded in his hand and he threw it into the air. Simultaneously, a momentary flash of light and a vividly colored butterfly emerged to take its place.

“Beautifly, I need you to create a few Gust attacks to get us going. Send them easy though, don’t want to tear the sail.”

The butterfly gurgled in agreement and André hopped into the boat. He unknotted the rope tied to the mast, and opened the sail to position it to send them to the center of the enormous lake.

“Okay, Beautifly. Get us moving.”

The Bug Pokémon flapped its wings, thrusting the air to do its bidding. The collected swirls of wind were sent soaring at the sail and the boat shot out of the docks swiftly and smoothly with no commotion. Beautifly kept them moving through the water all through the rest of the calm night when there was no wind to guide them. It would be hours before they would reach their destination, even with the help of Beautifly’s Gust.

“So remind me,” spoke Rila “How did you find out about the colony of Clampearl and their location?”

“My father has told me stories about it since I was just a boy. He said that in the exact center of the lake, the very center, the water is completely pure. It is possible to see all the way through to the bottom even though it must be hundreds of feet deep,” André leaned back against the side of the boat, looking up at the morning sky, as if recalling a vivid memory. “This,” he said, pulling out a large and beautifully polished stone from his sack, “is the only one he managed to remove before a storm picked up. He told me it was the strangest feeling. Supposedly, the water in the heart of Iternadi Lake was frigid cold. Freezing temperatures, though still not a solid. That is why he had never gone back to retrieve any more of the pearls; because his body could no longer stand the cold for more than a few seconds.”

“And you think you can?”

“Well, I have a plan.”

They spoke more about the idea of becoming the wealthiest members of the town once they retrieved the pearls from the colony of Clampearl. About how they would provide for their families and then run away together. It all seemed like a dream to them, a fantasy that couldn’t possibly happen. The anticipation for this day had been building for respectively nine years; since André was ten years old and first heard about the Clampearl colony. He had been training since then. He knew there was a way to overcome the temperature of the heart, but it would take time before his plan could come into fruition.

“Okay, Beautifly. That is enough; we are nearly there and the wind can take us the rest of the way. Nicely done. Return”

Tired from Gusting, the Beautifly agreed and was beamed to her Poké Ball once more.

It was beautiful to watch the sun rise over the horizon. The colors streaming over the water like a wet painting. The water stretched beyond eyesight, they could no longer even see the coast from which they came. Everything was either water or sky. The lake, this lake, was undoubtedly the largest body of freshwater in the world, which is why the town prospered so well; the vast amount of Goldeen and Seaking collected from it was a good portion of the world’s supply. Time passed and the air was becoming noticeably cooler as they sailed on. The excitement grew.

“This is it,” spoke André proudly, pointing into the water beneath the boat.

Rila looked over the side and peered down into it. It was if she were looking through a crystal ball into another world, as if the water wasn’t there and she was actually above the sky. There were corals, and Remoraid, and rows upon rows of Clampearl lining the bottom which must have been a hundred feet down. She couldn’t believe her eyes.

“How does a place like this remain so pure?” Rila asked, though more to herself.

“I have no idea. I just know that those Clampearl are thriving here, and I’m not leaving before we retrieve as many pearls as possible. Here, hold on to this.” André handed his rucksack to her as he pulled out two Poké Balls.

The first orb, he threw into the air. A light rocket sound erupted from it and the familiar beam of translucent red light shot into the sky. With a roar, the figure of an enormous crimson dragon materialized in the air above them. Its plane sized wings beat powerfully through the wind, as it hovered easily to maintain its position. The dragon’s rubbery skin reflected the sunlight that shined off of it, making it appear to be glowing. You could almost sense its power.

“Charizard, this is what we have been practicing for.” André pointed to the water. “Summon the strongest Blast Burn you can muster and send it directly into the water.”

Charizard roared, vibrating the powerful sound into the calm morning. The sound waves were strong enough that it actually caused the water to ripple around it. The dragon beat his wings quickly, and closed its reptile eyes. He was building power. The torch at the end of his tail began to grow bigger and the flames seemed to spark with energy. The Charizard slowly opened his eyes which were no longer white with mahogany irises, but glowing red. He opened his huge jaws where a ball of fire that resembled lava appeared. Another roaring sound seemed to come from the mere presence of the dragon emitted from it, and the orb of lava grew. In a furious but angry grin, Charizard rocketed from the sky and aimed his ready attack at the water as he shot towards it. The most powerful fire attack Rila had ever seen spewed from the dragon at that moment. Waves of flame and what seemed like magma barreled from its powerful mouth and rippled down into the water. When the pressure seemed to cease slight, and the attack seemed nearly over, there was another enormous burst of power and the dragon spewed another wave of flames as powerful as the first. If Rila had not known the laws of physics, she would have been positive that this Pokémon was going to set the water on fire. She could see the liquid fire still burning beneath the surface. It oozed down to the coral and into the crevices where the Clampearl were located. All of the Remoraid had disappeared, and the area was completely empty apart from the Clampearl and Charizard’s Blast Burn.

The glowing red of the dragon’s eyes dimmed as the last bit of the fire attack was released from his mouth. He looked as though he was about to faint. Charizard’s attack took every amount of energy out of him.

“Well done, my friend.” André returned his Pokémon to its Poké Ball before he would topple out of the sky, as even maintaining flight seemed difficult now. He tossed the ball to Rila who replaced it lightly in his bag that hung around her shoulder.

The water was steaming in an effort to release the heat. André dipped his hand in it to test the temperature.

“Perfect,” he gloated. “Just like bathwater.” He then sent the second orb into the air, however, this one’s stream of light traveled down towards the water instead of the sky.

In its place formed a more human-like creature, expect for its duck beak and blue skin. This one seemed a little more eager to be out of its Poké Ball. André pulled of his shirt and jumped in after it. Rila and Golduck needed to shield their face from the splash. When he reemerged, he simply said, “Are you ready, Golduck?” The Pokémon nodded, as André wrapped his arm around its neck, and the two of them disappeared beneath the water.

It was interesting that Rila could see everything happening. Golduck swiftly swimming down to the Clampearl colony with the human on his back. His webbed hands and feet were expanded twice their normal size, gripping the water and pushing it aside. When they reached the clams, Rila could see Golduck wrenching them open and André taking its pearl to place in his pants pocket. After repeating this six times, the Golduck grabbed his trainer and swam to the surface. As soon as he broke out of the water, he burst out a huge gasp of air, refilling his lungs with the much-needed oxygen. He swam over to the boat and dumped his findings inside it.

Rila couldn’t believe the size of the pearls. Each one was the size of an apple. She collected them all and placed them inside of the pack.

“These alone could by us a house, and feed use for years. We don’t need any more…” Rila told him. But André ignored her, took a few moments to catch his breath, and traveled back underwater with Golduck.

Rila didn’t watch this time. She was admiring one of the pearls in her hand when the clouds appeared. “Unusual?” she said suspiciously. It had been perfectly sunny a moment ago. The sky blackened swiftly, and rain began pouring from it moments later. Rila jumped up and peered over into the water. Where was André? She couldn’t see him or Golduck anywhere. The six Clampearl he had taken pearls from lied open and broken on the lake floor, but the rest remained intact. It was as if he never made it to the bottom the second time. The rain poured harder, and thunder began booming behind the clouds. In seconds, waves appeared on the water rocking the sailboat back and forth. “André!” she yelled in fear, but she couldn’t find him. A bolt of lightning erupted from the black clouds and struck the sail, tearing it to shreds and tipping it over. She was going to drown…

Somehow, sensing danger, a burst of light erupted from her purse. It was her Pidgeot who appeared before her. But she wasn’t paying attention; she was searching the water for André. The bird Pokémon was frantic. It wrapped its talons around her shoulders and lifted her into the air. “No!” she screamed. “André! We have to wait for André! He hasn’t come back yet!” But the bird ignored her and flew on through the storm. “Please…” she began to cry. “We have to wait for André…” Tears were streaming down her face as her Pidgeot carried her on, though the rain from the storm had soaked her either way. In the distance, another lightning bolt spit out of the sky and blew the remainder of the boat into pieces; there was nothing left but wood and debris. It was only moments later when the storm ended. Swiftly, and as though it had never started.

Yet the bird kept flying, taking her and the two sacks over her shoulder as far as they needed to go. She was hysterical. She kept writhing in the grip of her loyal Pidgeot hoping to break free and swim back to the heart. But the pigeon gripped her tightly, and refused to let go. She knew her trainer would die if she didn’t bring her to safety first. The hours it took to reach the shoreline seemed to not exist. Rila was not herself; she would not accept that he was gone.

Pidgeot slowed, and descended to the banks of her town. She hovered slightly, and then placed her sobbing trainer lightly on the ground. “We have to go back for him, Pidgeot,” she pleaded, burying her face in her hands. “We have to go back and save him.”
The bird chirped lightly, and looked very solemn. She could feel Rila’s pain and it hurt her nearly as much.

A light sound of footsteps could be heard approaching the two from the docks.

“Ah,” a crackly old voice spoke. “So you are the one who stole my boat.”

Exhausted, Rila could just barely make out the figure of the man who had spoken. He limped slowly over to her putting most of his weight onto the thin cane in his hand. She wanted to say something, but no words came. Like the end of a movie, the picture faded, and then she collapsed.

Last edited by EmBreon; 09-26-2007 at 11:20 PM.
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Old 09-24-2007, 10:08 AM
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Default Re: Heart of Vengeance

She opened her eyes to find herself lying in a tiny bed of a log cabin. It was small, but very quaint. At the far corner of it there was a small table with only one chair which was occupied by a dark figure. Behind it was a tiny fire place, enough room for only three or less logs, a few cabinets and bookshelves and that was it. She couldn’t remember what happened, but something felt wrong.

“Oh, you’re awake.” A familiar scratchy voice came from the figure at the table. And then it hit her. She remembered everything and it struck her like a blow to the stomach. She leaned over the side of the bead and spewed onto the floor. “There there, my dear,” said the old man who came with a mop. “I take it you ventured to the heart of Iternadi yesterday?”

“Yesterday?” she asked.

“I’m afraid you’ve slept an entire day since you collapsed in front of my cabin.” He nonchalantly soaked up her mess and placed the mop outside, then returned to the table he had been sitting at when she awoke.

“Well, yes, but how did you-”

“Pearls like these," he cut her off, "can be found nowhere else.” He held up the pack containing the six pearls André had collected and the one his father had given him.

Rila didn’t say anything. She closed her eyes in hopes of fighting back the tears she knew would leak out despite her best efforts.

“And by your demeanor, I assume that you have too lost a loved one to the Spirit of the Sea.”

“I…I don’t understand.” Her throat burned, and she could barely speak.

“Of course. If you had known, you would not have ventured to the heart in the first place.” He stood up and limped slowly over to a bookshelf. Knowing its exact location, he retrieved a novel from the third row and brought it back over to her. “This is an old myth, or so man would like to believe. My father handed it down to me as his father did him, and now, I am giving it to you.”

“But, what is-”

“Everything you need to know is in Chapter Four.” He pointed toward the book, edging her to read it.

She looked down at the old novel he placed in her lap. It was old and worn, but the title on the cover was still readable: The Truth of Time.

“What does a book have to do with anything?” she prompted.

“Everything. Just read, my dear.”

Rila opened to the index, and then flipped to chapter four. The pages were brittle and a few were torn, but the words remained bold and clear. She looked suspiciously up at the man and then back down at the novel, and began reading:

Chapter Four: Heart of Vengeance

Long before time began, everything we know of today was represented simply by a Spirit. These beings were not unlike the Greek gods, however, they had no body, and they had no leader. They were more than a ghost, but less than anything with physical properties, as matter did not exist yet. There were five in total: The Spirit of the Sky, the Spirit of the Sea, the Spirit of the Earth, the Spirit of Fire, and the Spirit of Man.

Together, the five of them were all of creation in their time. They each had emotion, and each could love. It is said that love became to be when Sea and Man had created it. The Spirit of the Sea gave herself to the Spirit of Man, sharing with him all of the knowledge she had ever come to possess. The Spirit of Man took this knowledge from her, and gave nothing in return. The Spirit of the Sea, however, gave no notice. In time the Spirit of Man grew weary of the Spirit of the Sea. His greed overcame him and he left her for the Spirit of the Earth.

Without Man, the Spirit of the Sea felt she no longer had reason to live, and she died of a broken heart. She turned sour, and bitter, and her body tore in many places. As the Spirits evolved over time, her dead body became a part of matter just as the others. Man remained with Earth, and Sky and Fire formed their places around it as well.

Stories have told that there is a place in this time where the heart of the Spirit of the Sea still beats. The tale tells that the broken heart had killed the body, but remained alive itself. But without the rest of the Spirit to maintain it, the heart is cold, and bitter, and those who have been unfortunate enough to happen upon it have lost their lives to its revenge on man.

In retrospect, a theory had developed years ago by a young philosopher by the name of Rayfe Volker that the only way to free the souls taken by the heart of the Spirit of the Sea would be to kill heart; its only living remains. His theory states that the five Spirits reside in five elemental Pokémon, though he has not revealed which five he believes possess them. In theory, he believes the only way to kill the heart of the Sea would be to defeat it in battle with the Spirit of the Earth, as he believes is the only Spirit of the five to which the Sea will show signs of weakness.

To those who have lost their lives and souls to the heart of the Sea, we mourn your absence. And in time we wait. For the death of the heart of the Sea may be the only thing to save you.

“You believe this?” Rila asked as she had finished reading.

“That,” he said, pointing to the name of the philosopher mentioned in the chapter, “is my great great grandfather. His theories have been passed from generation to generation. And yes, I believe every word.”

“But this is nonsense. You can’t possibly expect me to believe that Iternadi Lake is possessed by some Sea Spirit.”

“Can you explain to me then, why every ship or craft that passes over the center of the lake is destroyed due to an abrupt and mysterious storm? You, my dear, would not even be here if it hadn’t been for your pretty bird.”

“And why are you telling me this? What am I supposed to do about anything at all?”

Old Dane Volker was silent for a few moments. He stared into her eyes hoping she would be able to understand why she would want to help.

“The Spirit of the Sea steals the souls of the lives she takes, and does not give them a chance to move on. The heart must be destroyed before they can be released.” He looked sadly at her; it was his turn to hold back tears.

“You have lost someone too, haven’t you?” She could see the sorrow in his eyes, and wished there was something she could do to make it go away.

He said nothing for awhile, but looked down at his shoes from the wooden chair he sat in.

“We can free them,” he spoke finally. “All of them. But to do so I need you to capture the Spirit of the Earth.” His words came out in monotone, as if what he was saying was perfectly plausible and not the least bit strange.

“I would not even know where to begin looking, nor what to do if I had actual found the creature.”

“The first will not be a problem; however, the second will depend on your skills as a trainer.”

She was confused, yet again. It was obvious in her facial expression that she had not the faintest idea what he was trying to imply.

“If you can beat me in a duel, then you are qualified,” he told her. “And if you can indeed defeat me, I will reveal to you the location of the Spirit of the Earth.”

Last edited by EmBreon; 09-27-2007 at 12:59 AM.
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Old 09-24-2007, 10:12 AM
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Default Re: Heart of Vengeance

Dane Volker’s log cabin was located at the edge of a dense forest. The trees were all pine and emitted a lovely smell that was amplified in the occasional breezes. Behind the home there was a tiny clearing where trees had been cut down for firewood, and this is where the battle would take place.

“This will be a two on two,” Dane stated. “Neither may switch out, so choose wisely. You may have the honor of sending first.”

Rila only kept three Pokémon with her at a time. She did not like the idea of having so many with her at once, as they had to stay in their Poké Balls the majority of the time. She had pride in her partners, and felt that they were each trained well enough to do well against whatever he may send. Deciding to use the one that had been confined the longest, she withdrew a ball from her purse and tossed it out onto the field. A light, a flash, and in seconds a green gecko was in clear view.

“Interesting, a second stage,” acknowledged her opponent.

The emerald blade on the Grovyle’s head twitched, apparently taking the comment of an insult. Though, the Pokémon had plenty of battling experience, it refused to evolve. Rila knew her Pokémon’s potential, and Grovyle was just as qualified as any other Sceptile there was.

“Well in that case, I’ll be sending my second stage.” Dane reached inside of his jacket, and pulled out an orb of his own. He held it in his hand as it shot open and Grovyle’s opponent materialized onto the field.

“Ah, how clever of you to take type advantage. Humble strategy.” Rila teased him, as she gazed upon the flaming monkey. The Monferno seemed just as offended by this comment as Grovyle had been by Dane’s. The two were both anxious and ready to begin. “I think I’ll start things off then. Grovyle, let’s try a Bullet Seed.”

But before the lizard could even muster the attack, Monferno had charge forward with a glowing fist, squaring Grovyle directly in the jaw. The gecko flew backwards landing with a hard hit on the ground.

“Mach Punch is one of my favorite beginning strategies,” laughed Dane.

Rila smirked sarcastically, and glared back at him. “Give me Swords Dance, Grovyle!”

“Monferno, Fire Spin!” came the call across the field.

The green iguana crossed his arms and began a traditional glowing spin, the faster he got, the brighter he would glow. However, the monkey took no notice of the pretty attack and belched out a ring of hot flames towards its opponent. The spinning Grovyle created a vortex of glowing air with his Swords Dance, and the Fire Spin was absorbed into it. Rila winced at the sounds of her lizard shrieking in pain but it continued out its attack. The spinning slowed, and Grovyle came to a halt; blades glowing, and several burn marks on his skin. His eyebrows furrowed in anger, and he was pumped. He looked at his trainer and she nodded back to him; he knew her strategy.

For a millisecond the ape seemed surprised, however, his face hardened as soon as his trainer called out his next order.

“Fury Swipes!”

Grovyle was too quick for it this time. In a flash the green Pokémon was in the air, and in another, it jet effortlessly back down towards Monferno, lashing it with an Aerial Ace attack. The shocked monkey fell back taking some decent damage from the super effective move.

Rila’s gecko took no time to turn on its heel and rocket towards the monkey again in a blur of white light. The Quick Attack hit the defenseless Monferno, and Grovyle achieved two attacks in a row.

Her opponent would not show any sign of emotion. Hollowly, he sent out his next command.

“You’re fine, Monferno. Use Slack Off.”

The ape agreed and rested in his place. He closed his eyes and appeared to be taking a nap. Rila had never seen this move happen before, nor did she know what it would do. Unfortunately her hesitation would cost her as the monkey awoke within a few seconds, half his HP restored.

“Leaf Blade, Grovyle,” Rila told the jade lizard.

Her Pokémon complied, and launched into the air with glowing grass blades for arms. The primate could see it coming this time, and ducked, causing Grovyle to miss completely and crash into the ground. Monferno spun around blew and enormous blast of hot flames at the fallen Grass type and the Flamethrower was a direct hit.

The move swiftly took its toll, and Rila thought frantically as she had little time to decide. It wasn’t until her green companion began glowing that she decided on a move.

“That’s Overgrow…Okay. Try your hardest to send a Leaf Storm, Grovyle!”

“Flare Blitz, Monferno!”

A wind picked up suddenly, and the trees all began to sway restlessly in the wind. Pine needles were pulled off their branches and regrouped in front of the Grass gecko. Swirling around him was a tornado of nature and it seemed as if the forest was on his side. In a final burst of energy, a green jet of light and power burst from the Grovyle as he sent it charging towards the Fire type.

Monferno had little time to react, but managed to somehow send off a small hint of the Fire attack back at its opponent before taking the hit. The field exploded, and dust and grass and smoke covered everything, shielding both Pokémon from view.

In moments, the debris cleared and the field was visible again. Grovyle lay fainted where he had sent his last move, and Monferno remained standing, panting heavily, but still in play. Rila smiled with pride at her Pokémon, and returned him to his ball.

“I must say,” Dane chimed from the opposite end of the field, “I never expected a Grass type would last that long, or deal as much damage as yours did.”

She chose her Pidgeot as her second Pokémon, hoping a battle would show it gratitude. And so with a flick of her wrist, the bird was sent soaring into the air.

It seemed a little too easy when Pidgeot sent the Gust attack blowing down towards its foe. The windy move was very light, however, seemed plenty to take its toll. One direct hit and the chimp was knocked out as well. She wished that Grovyle could have lasted just a bit longer so he could receive full credit for all the work he had done. Either way, Pidgeot chirped gleefully in the sky, awaiting her next rival, and ready to fight.

The old man pondered for a few moments and decided. He reached into his jacket once more and withdrew his final Pokémon.

This time, a cerulean snake like creature formed, and the last Pokémon was in play. Rila looked upon this new foe in awe; she had heard about these rare creatures but had never actually seen one. Two light wings on its slender head, followed by a large azure orb beneath its chin. The legless body stretched several feet, where they ended with three more azure spheres. It was a Dragonair.

At least this time Dane didn’t have an extreme type advantage, but this mythological Pokémon was going to be a tough opponent either way.

“Open up with a Twister, Pidgeot!” Rila shouted her first attack.
“You do the same, Dragonair.”

The two different Pokémon differed in their techniques for mustering up the attack. While Pidgeot beat her wings and opened her beak to blow Dragon energy into the attack, her blue opponent simply twirled its tail as if bored by the simple attack. The two tornadoes grew in size, with Dragonair’s being larger. When each had reached the peak of its power, both Pokémon sent their conjured moves to each other. The two attacks almost seemed to be alive, as instead of colliding in the middle, they dodged around each other, both marking their prey with a direct hit.

Somehow Pidgeot could remain airborne, though nearly lost her flight when the contact of the windy Twister sent her toppling through the sky. She managed to pull her wings out from underneath, catching the wind and soaring back into the sky. Her feathers were ruffled, and in some places missing, but she had plenty of life left in her and looked ready to continue fighting.

It was unusual how the dragon had taken the attack, however. Considering his type disadvantage to the Twister, Rila had expected some massive damage to come from it. But the Dragonair seemed completely nonchalant, as if the powerful tornado had been a mere gust of calm air.

Impossible… she thought. Her tactics would need to change immensely if this creature could withstand her only super effective move so easily. “Pidgeot, give me an Aerial Ace!”
The bird did not wait for her to finish her sentence, but was already half way to the blue snake with barreling speed. Like a rocket ship reentering earth’s atmosphere, Pidgeot began glowing from head descending. Why isn’t it moving? The Dragonair remained calm and stood its ground. It stared at the pigeon plummeting toward it with no sign of fear. In seconds, Pidgeot struck the indigo snake straight on. This move seemed to take at least some effect in compared to Twister, but Rila’s triumph lastly a few mere moments, as she looked on to realize why the mythical creature had remained motionless.

Like a pipe cleaner the dragon coiled around the Pidgeot, wrapping and squeezing in the process. The bird was trapped. She writhed and squirmed and tried everything she could to break free but nothing worked. The Dragonair had caught her in an extremely powerful Wrap attack.

Dane watched his Pokémon in admiration, a crooked smile on his lips that seemed to show pleasure in Pidgeot’s pain. The snake dragon coiled tighter and tighter, and with a snap Rila could hear a bone breaking inside her bird followed by an immense screech of agony.
“Peck!” came Rila’s long-awaited order. “Force it to release you!”

Tears of torture streamed down the pigeon’s face as it found the courage to bend and force its razor sharp beak into the flesh of her opponent. In a sound not unlike that of a dying rabbit, the dragon shrieked from the new wound and loosened its hold on Pidgeot just long enough to allow the bird to escape.

A shrill of glee, and Pidgeot gained flight back into the sky.

“Quick now, use Roost!”

With speed to save her, the bird Pokémon managed to perform the bright move in seconds. A swift glow and her bones were healed and energy restored.

Disappointed that his strategy had just been erased, he ordered his next attack, “Thunder Wave her!”

“Air Slash!”

The sphere beneath the chin of the dragon began to spark as the Pidgeot sent ripping knives of air rocketing towards it. Dragonair had taken three hits before the Electricity had finally bolted through air to hit the air born bird.

Pidgeot screeched and crashed to the ground. A brief cloud of dust blew up over the field at the contact. When everything was visible again, Rila could see Pidgeot crouched on the earth in pain and embarrassment. Such a creature did not belong on the earth, and she buried her face in her wings in shame.

“Very nice,” Dane boasted. “Ice Beam, Dragonair.”

An icy mist appeared around the sapphire sphere beneath the head of the enemy this time. Dragonair had acquired the lead for fastest speed thanks to Pidgeot’s paralysis, and the icy beam of energy came erupting from its mouth. The pigeon could not dodge quick enough, and the attack hit home, melting over her and enclosing her in a shower of ice and pain. Screaming, the bird could do nothing to seize it and endured the hit as it sucked away her little remaining energy. As it ended, a final idea came to Rila, and the chance that it may work was her only shot at victory.

“Mirror Move!”

Dane’s eyes widened, showing surprise for the first time. The bird seemed to almost smile with pleasure as she opened her wings, and spit out an identical ice attack to the one that had just hit her. In a swirl of sparking blue and white, the beam crashed into the dragon just as powerfully.

With a long and high pitched roar, Dragonair fainted far before the icy energy had finished taking its toll.

Rila had won.

With a look of confusion, Dane Volker withdrew his Pokémon; shocked, but proud. “Well done, dear girl. I had hoped it would turn out this way.”

Last edited by EmBreon; 09-27-2007 at 01:04 AM.
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Old 09-24-2007, 10:16 AM
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Default Re: Heart of Vengeance

“So how do you even know where the Spirit of the Earth is? Have you seen it before? Have you fought it? How can you even tell if it is supposed to resemble a Pokémon that has-”

“My!” Dane held up his hand to quiet her, an amused grin spreading to his eyes. “One question at a time, please, one question at a time…”

The entire story confused her. She didn’t even know if she wanted to believe it. But the idea of André’s soul being trapped in the sea and unable to move on disturbed her. So she had decided she would do anything she must to assure that it would be set free.

The old man smiled down at her, and his eyes glazed over as if recalling a vivid memory.
“A long time ago, when I was young and-” he took a moment to briefly look down at his right leg that stood next to a wooden cane. “-and mobile, I ventured out to explore every inch of these mountains surrounding Iternadi Lake. I knew that the heart of the Sea would remain as close to the Spirit of the Earth as it could. It feels, Rila. It knows. It is hard to explain the truth beyond the fact that the myth is real, to someone who has only known about for a mere day, but everything you need to know is in the very book I have given you. In time you will understand, but for now you need to trust me that the souls of man depend on what you decide.”

“Heh, no pressure.” Her insides felt sore with the loss of André. Every time her mind left the thought of him the pain would ease, yet only to reappear with guilt once she remembered him again.

“Directly east of here are the Ridge Mountains. The very center mountain, the exact center, holds the entrance to the resting place of the Spirit of the Sea. In my journeys I have discovered the cave. It’s completely visible, but only from the sky, which is why I believe that no one has discovered it. Even if they had, they would not be able to enter it because I have the key.”

“Um…you have a key…to a mountain. As interesting as that sounds, I have no idea what you are talking about.”

He turned from her and went straight to the bookshelf that he had retrieved The Truth of Time from. He fingered through them until he reached an extremely old looking one. He pulled it out, nearly tearing part of the cover, and held it open to the exact center. It was then Rila noticed that it wasn’t a book at all. There was a tiny square compartment cut into the pages, which was hiding a small folded up piece of parchment. Dane removed it, and returned to Rila, placing it in her hands.

“This is the key, dear. This tells you how to get inside.”

She looked at him suspiciously, and unfolded the paper. It was very aged, and worn, but she could still make out the lettering. It was one tiny sentence, written in Unown symbols. “I can’t read the Unown language.”

“When I discovered the cave those many years ago, there was nothing inside of it apart from these symbols painted on the wall, and a circular groove carved into it. I’ve spent years translating, and I have just last year discovered what they say.” He placed a finger on the sentence, guiding it along as he read, “The pathway to the Earth is opened with a thievery from the Sea.”

“I don’t underst-”

“The pearls, dear girl! The pearls!” He went to André’s rucksack where it had remained since she arrived and pulled out one of the pearls they had taken from the lake. “This is what you need to place in the circular indent of the cave. This is all you need! It’s so simple!” His eyes were beaming; she couldn’t possibly understand what having one of the pearls meant to him, and how no one had ever survived from an encounter with the heart of the Sea, let alone escape with six of the most valuable objects in the world. “Once you’re inside, your presence should awaken it. You see, the Spirit of Man is represented in each of us individually. We are the fifth elemental Pokémon, together we are part of them, just as they are a part of us. I want you to take this with you.” He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a Poké Ball. “You will need all the help you can get.”

Everything that had happened since yesterday seemed to vanish as Rila felt purpose for the first time in her life. She fit her purse inside of André’s rucksack, and flung it over her shoulder. Everything was up to her now.

“Oh,” Dane said swiftly just as she had reached the door. “I suggest taking Charizard.”


The journey to the center peak of the Ridge Mountain range would have taken days on foot, but atop the back of André’s Charizard, the entire flight lasted a meager few hours. She had never seen the mountains from this angle before. They looked so much bigger and spread so much farther than she had ever imagined. The orange dragon looked like a tiny fly amongst an endless sea of grass. The thin air stung her lungs as she took shallow breaths to remain conscious. Even at this height, the mountains remained towering hundreds of feet above them. She had urged the dragon to fly lower so she could catch her breath when the precise mountain Dane had spoken of came into view.

If she hadn’t been flying, she never would have noticed the tiny speck of black located near the top center of the mountain. It grew in size as they neared it, turning from a speck to a dot to a hole and finally a cave. The crimson creature slowed and hovered slightly, and with a snort they landed softly on the cliff’s edge.

She slid off his smooth back and cautiously walked into the cave. It was very shallow, nothing to see apart from the ragged walls on the sides and the mysteriously smooth wall in the back. It wasn’t until she was standing directly in front of it that she noticed the pearl-sized circular groove and the tiny Unown symbols above it.

Before she could think, she was subconsciously reaching into her pack and pulling out one of the six pearls. Time seemed to stop when she placed it in the circle. The wind stopped howling, her lungs stopped breathing, all she could see was the symbols light up and the pearl rotating in its place. It spun faster and faster until it was simply a rotating blur. And then suddenly, it stopped. A click, a snap, and then a deep rumbling noise that seemed to come from the very center of the mountain itself. She looked down at her feet where she could see stray pebbles vibrating in the noise. And then her attention was shifted upwards, the very wall in front of her was shifting upward. Like a huge stone curtain revealing nothing but darkness. In the minute it took to completely open, Rila couldn’t decide whether to stay or run. She simply stared blankly into the blackness, wondering what was going to happen if she stepped into it.

But unfortunately her mind was made up for her. Though the darkness masked how close they were to her, a pair of luminescent green eyes appeared simultaneously following the opening of the stone door. She stared at them entranced, a deer caught in a pair of life threatening headlights. And then came the howl. An enormously high-pitched, ear drum bursting howl erupted from the depths of the cave. She dropped to her knees and covered her ears in agony from the sound greater than a thousand nails on a single chalkboard.
She couldn’t hear the enormous wings beating as the immensely strange creature took flight, but she could see the tiny pair of eyes growing larger and closer as she got to her feet.

Swiftly, she turned on her heel and ran back to the ledge where Charizard awaited her return. She was panicking and jumped aboard his back. “Quickly!” She urged him onward and into the air as another deafening scream came from the cave. Just as the dragon’s claws left the rocky cliff edge, the walls surrounding the entrance the opening of the mysterious cave burst apart as an enormous grey creature became visible for the first time.

Rocks and gravel were soaring in every direction smacking the Charizard and Rila herself. Another thunderous rupture and the cave exploded. Boulders crashed down, rocks slid down the mountain and the entrance caved in. This, however, was irrelevant. Rila’s attention was diverted onto the raging creature zooming towards them. She edged the Charizard onward, willing him to go faster. There was a whistle, a hiss, and then a burst of immense energy whizzed past them, missing them by inches.

“It’s using Hyper Beam on us!” She knew she would need to fight back if she expected to slow it down enough to reach the edge of the mountains. “See if you can manage a Dragon Rage attack at it!”

At these orders, the fire dragon shot upward in a v-line towards the sky. It opened its jaws, building a ball of dragon energy as it flew higher and higher into the air. Then with a jerk, he spread his wings and bolted backwards in a spiraling dive toward the ancient pursuer. The Charizard roared with fury as he unleashed the Dragon attack directly onto the Aerodactyl. The dragon flames burst into the creature sending him falling back towards the earth and crashing into the trees below.

“Nice work, but that’s not going to stop him, we need to get away from these mountains.” So the pair surged forward, gaining speed as they rushed away from the scene.

The mountains were thinning and the town was beginning to come into view. “We’re almost there!” Closer and closer they came. The trees were thinning. But the relief was short lived as a familiar ear splitting scream exploded behind them. There was no time to think; a whistle, a hiss, and the second attempted Hyper Beam hit home in the side of the Charizard. His wings buckled and they were plummeting out of the sky. In the few moments they had before they hit the ground, Charizard managed to spin onto his back and protect Rila from the majority of the fall as they crashed hard into the earth and everything went black.

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Old 09-24-2007, 10:22 AM
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Default Re: Heart of Vengeance

“Haha, come on Rila! Don’t be a chicken, it’s just a Weedle!” The nine year old boy teased her, as he watched her cringe back in fear of the little bug that just wiggled out of the bushes.

“That’s easy for you to say! I don’t have any Pokémon to battle it with!” She furrowed her eyebrows and glared at him in anger, then stuck out her tongue.“Hmmph!”

“Well just throw a stick at it or something!” he told her.

The little girl looked to her feet and saw a decent sized rock lying inches away. She bent down and grabbed it, then stood back up to look questioningly at the boy. He nodded assurance to her and she bit her tongue as she threw the rock as hard as she could at the worm. With a clunk the stone hit the Weedle right in the face, and while they had expected the weak Pokémon to squirm away, this one in particular simply frowned and fired a stinging poison missile at the little girl. The Poison Sting struck her arm, and Rila shrunk to her knees and started to cry from the pain.

“Charmander, use Ember!” The boy ordered his fire lizard, who had been waiting patiently beside him. There was a little crackle and sparking sound, and then a wave of tiny flames came flying from the red creature’s mouth. The little embers struck home on the Weedle, knocking it out in one hit.

The black haired boy walked slowly over to the little girl sobbing in the grass, and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry Rila... I didn’t know it would attack you.” He looked sadly at her as she cried.

“It’s…it’s-” she hiccuped. “It’s okay. You…you…not your fault.” Her words were muffled with her face buried into her hands.

“Here,” the boy said strongly, reaching into his pocket. “I want you to have my Eevee. I think he will be better off with you anyway.” The little boy handed the shiny Poké Ball down towards her.

She lifted her head to reveal a red face wet with tears. Her glassy eyes met his and she jumped up and threw herself into his arms. The boy was taken aback by this gesture, but managed to wrap one arm around her as the other still occupied Eevee’s Poké Ball.

She sniffed her runny nose and whispered, “Thank you, André…”


The dust from the fall settled, and Rila slowly reopened her eyes, blinking several times before she could see a clear picture. She was right at the edge of town, and it felt like someone had just smoked her head with a club. She turned over onto her stomach and somehow managed to push herself onto her feet.

“Charizard!” She noticed the unconscious dragon lying on the earth a few feet beside her. She staggered over to it, regaining her wit. “Wake up, Charizard. Wake UP!” She pushed against its side frantically trying to bring him back, though the attempt had little effect on the beast.

There was a deep growl and the dragon’s eyes reopened. His piercing blue eyes refocused and he jolted up with a roar, remembering where he was and what had happened. He searched the skies for any sign of their attacker, but it was completely clear. The dragon stared back at Rila and then pointed towards the city. He frowned in warning, and glared stubbornly at her.

“But…I’m not leaving you,” she told him.

The dragon roared, his raspy voice sending a clear message. He was going to stay and hold of the Aerodactyl while she ran. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it…

Another howling screech came from the sky, forcing both the girl and dragon to look up into it. Clumsily, a large flying dinosaur was charging through the air. The ancient Pokémon had found them, and it would only be a matter of moments before it would reach the spot where they stood.

Charizard was frantic now. He looked fiercely back at Rila and lowered his head to let out the most profound roar she had ever heard from him. His razor sharp teeth were bared and she could see the saliva dripping from them and spraying out from the sound waves. She knew he would not let her stay. So guiltily, she turned and ran, leaving him there to fight. Alone.

It broke her heart to hear the roars and screeches of the two dragon-like Pokémon battling behind her as she ran, but she knew everything that Charizard had done for her would go to waste if she stopped now.

The clashing sounds lasted minutes longer until Rila heard a final blasting roar from Charizard. The deep throated sound erupted into the sky, but it was not a victory roar, it was a roar of agony. Her heart sunk as she ran. Charizard had lost…

It wouldn’t be long now before Aerodactyl caught up to her. Her heart pounded in fear as her few options ran through her mind.

There were crashing noises coming from behind her…getting louder and louder and the more she ran, the faster the source of the noise seemed to catch up to her. The first street of her town emerged in front of her. The houses on either side of her seemed vacant and non-existent. Sweat streamed down her face as she ran, dripping into her eyes. The salty liquid burned and she squinted in pain. A house beside her exploded and pieces of debris came lashing out at her, cutting her face and arms as she ran. The few seconds she took to gaze at the empty space beside of her where the house had been were enough to cause her to trip and fall in the middle of the street. She turned over on her back and looked back to the direction from which she ran. A dark figure loomed over her…she couldn’t see it, it was blocking out the sun. A tiny orb of light appeared at the center of the figure, growing larger and larger with the sound of an eerie whistling noise. It was completely quiet; all she could hear was the whistling that reminded her of the sound of a steaming teapot. The orb was expanding, it was the size of the entire head of the figure…it stopped…and then with an enormous burst of energy, the ball of light exploded, and a wave of sound erupted from it like thunder. The light that had been trapped in the ball shot towards her. She had no time to escape. Her heart raced in the millisecond it would take for the strange energy to reach her.

And in that millisecond, a light burst from the bag draped over her shoulder and Dragonair appeared. And still in that millisecond, a protective shield of light shot in front of them, blocking the Hyper Beam attack completely.

The Aerodactyl screamed at the snake-dragon, who in turn did nothing but stare calmly back at it. Angered by this response, the rock Pokémon lunged towards the blue creature and ripped icily into its neck. Dragonair howled and writhed, and somehow managed to bring the lower portion of his tail up and over onto his foe, lashing him with a powerful burst of water. Both the Ice Fang and Aqua Tail attacks hit home, causing both Pokémon to flinch back in pain.

Rila had no idea what attacks Dragonair knew, but it wasn’t looking to her for guidance. So all she could do was look on helplessly and hope that the dragon was capably of battling without a trainer.

Aerodactyl shook its massive head in annoyance, as though shooing a fly, and then beat his wings to build an air attack. Dragonair in turn majestically opened its mouth and sent another super effective beam of ice energy to the rock and flying type. Somehow Aerodactyl was too slow this time, and a four times weakness to Ice was apparent in the scream of the ancient Pokémon. The pain, however, seemed to develop into anger as the Aerodactyl hastily conjured up another Hyper Beam and shot it directly at the sky-dragon.
The impact of the attack the time hit hard. Dragonair was flung back several feet and into the ground before the beam ended. Rila could see that Dane’s prized partner had very little fight left in it, she never expected it would have dealt so much damage to the dactyl in the first place.

But then something else happened. Something she wouldn’t have expected to happen even if someone had told her it would. Dragonair turned white. Pure white. It was morphing and changes right before her very eyes, and she looked on in anticipation as it grew to an enormous size, knowing what it was about to become.
In a hum the light faded, and what had once been a beautiful indigo reptile, was now one of the most magnificent creatures in the Pokémon world. The Dragonite bellowed in song, standing tall and proud, and ready to fight all over again.

The ancient Aerodactyl had paid no attention to this event. He was too busy focusing on the earth around him; harnessing its energy in hopes of building a powerful Ancient Power attack. Dragonite wasted no time admiring its new body and abilities, he immediately conjured the best Hyper Beam he could muster and sent it rocketing towards the rock-dinosaur. The Ancient Power attack was unaffected by Dragonite’s attempts, and the beam of light seemed to go right through it. While Aerodactyl was hit with the powerful Normal type attack, Dragonite was struck with rocks and earth and pure power itself.
Both of the powerful beasts took massive damage and were hurled back from the force. Rila was grateful with the experience of Dane’s Dragonite, though she hoped it knew that it would take far more than brute strength to win this battle.

The peach dragon regained composure and belched out a second beam, but this one of ice. Rila could feel the coldness of it, even in standing several yards away. The wicked ice slapped the dactyl with a method not unlike a machine gun. Over and over the Rock and Flying type was pelted with ice. And suddenly, in the midst of the attack, Aerodactyl managed to create one himself.

Without realizing it had happened, several boulders the size of small horses began barreling down out of nowhere. Dragonite was crushed by rock after rock and the Ice Beam emitting from its mouth finished early as it forced itself to dodge the remaining rocks still tumbling toward it.

Both Pokémon were heaving heavily, the two of them wouldn’t last much longer. Dragonite tried his very hardest to attempt one more Ice Beam, but Aerodactyl didn’t seem like he was going to allow him the chance. With energy that seemed to arrive from nothing, the grey beast dug his talons into the earth once more, absorbing power from its very core. The ground between them began to shake as the earth shifted and split open. A line of energy burst from it, bolting towards Dragonite with lightning speed. There was no time for a counter attack. The earth exploded in a huge blast, like a pack of dynamite being set off on the very ground between the dragon’s feet. He was flung backwards from the mere force of the attack. And in one motion, the mythological creature fainted. Aerodactyl had prevailed once more.

Rila extracted the ginger dragon’s Poké Ball, and recalled it to a well deserved rest. She knew this moment would come. The moment when she herself would need to face the Spirit of the Earth. And only one of her remaining Pokémon would be capable of the feat.
With a sigh that seemed to say “it’s now or never”, she threw her last hope into the air.
The familiar creature that appeared once the translucent light dimmed differed greatly from the disposition it had once held since the last time she had seen it. Instead of calm and relaxed, the yellow-ringed Pokémon was extremely alert and eager for battle.
“Give it a Confuse Ray, Umbreon!” Rila sent her first order.

Umbreon’s crimson eyes immediately lit up with glee, glowing and sneering as a ring of yellow energy approached the grey fiend. But the monster waited for nothing, and sent an enormous Hyper Beam at the dark fox Pokémon. Fortunately the Confuse Ray hit, but at the cost of a massive amount of damage for her sake.

The dactyl officially had no idea what was going on. The confusion seemed to just anger it further, causing it to send attacks flying randomly and barreling into a nearby house with a crash. It emerged on satisfied, and the confusion seemed to be getting the best of it as it began chasing its tail in an attempt to Bite it. Rila couldn’t have asked for a better outcome.

“Dark Pulse!”

And her Pokémon complied. In moments a dark purple aura enclosed the body of the Umbreon. In one gesture, an enormous wave of Dark energy came vibrating from it and burst into the confused Aerodactyl. There hadn’t been much life left in it to begin with, but the dinosaur seemed to do the most damage to itself as it plunged into the earth a final time.

She wasted no time retrieving a Poké Ball from her pack and finally thrusting it at the fallen beast. She watched it go twitching into the candy cane colored orb, and then drop again to the earth, twitching.

She felt triumph that moment, and looked proudly onto the Umbreon standing before her, the very Umbreon that had once been an Eevee those many years ago. The time when nothing mattered.

And in the memories, tears burst from her eyes as the picture went blurry and the Poké Ball stopped shaking…

Last edited by EmBreon; 09-27-2007 at 01:06 AM.
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Old 09-27-2007, 04:54 AM
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Default Re: Heart of Vengeance

Thanks for deleting your stuff, Scott. Anyway, let's do this!

Story: This entire story almost sounds like a role-playing game. The main character loses a friend to a storm, then reads a myth about these five spirits, and she goes to search for one of them after discovering that the soul of her friend has been stolen by one of them... which is almost standard quest stuff. Lucky for you, however, I happen to love things like this. I only have one issue with the entire story, but I will get to that a bit later.

Your introduction kept me interested, and the very concept of some creature (or spirit, or thing...) stealing the souls of trespassers and not allowing them to pass on is not like Pokemon at all, which is to say, it was a breath of fresh air. While I have seen things like this in fantasy games and books before, there is something about your writing style that managed to make this not so cliché, but relatively original and very enjoyable.

However, I think that the story was packed with more plot and conflict than character development, which I find very important. We are able to see just a small fraction of Rila's personality, and the other characters are just as mysterious to me, too. The Umbreon is obviously close to Rila, but I was really only able to see that at the very end of the story, as I did not see too much of him until then. Dane, the man who takes her in and shows her the myth, is also a main character, and besides the battle, I did not see much of his personlity shine. To be honest with you, I think you spent so much time building up just the story itself that you forgot about your characters. Strangely, the one character that I think had the most personality here so far was Andre, and he died early on. His almost carefree nature was reflected perfectly by your writing, and what happened to him was probably the most powerful (not to mention very sad) part of this tale so far.

Speaking of Andre, the second post almost makes him seem like Rila's lover, but it is never specified. I realize Andre was in the story for about a post, but I believe it is still vital for readers to know exactly what kind of relationship these two had, whether they were only friends or otherwise- I think it will add greatly to the Rila character and how she grows and changes as the story progresses. The flashback was short and sweet, but it did not seem like enough to seal the deal. This goes for Umbreon and Dane also, but Rila needs the most construction done here. She has the potential to be a strong character, and I am not seeing that here at the moment. Perhaps if you continue this, you should take some time to work on Rila, Dane, their relationship (it will be necessary, if they are going to be traveling together for the rest of the story now), and maybe some of the Pokemon involved (Umbreon, mostly).

Do not get me wrong; this is a great piece of work all the same, but as I understand it, you are a writer looking for constructive comments to further improve, and I am just giving you my humble opinion. Please, make sure to send me a message or anything if you have something to say about all this, or if you want specifics about something I said here. :)

These kinds of things are difficult for me as well, and I will admit I easily lose track of a character or the actual plot when it comes to stories... I almost feel like a hypocrite for saying all this stuff. All the same, this is the main problem I had with Heart of Vengeance, and I was sure you would appreciate something like this more as opposed to a moronic, “This is amazing! There is absolutely nothing you have to improve on! No errors at all!”... or so I hope.

Spelling/Grammar: Well, that was grossly long, so I am happy to report there is not much I have to put for this section. Yay!

They spoke more about the idea of becoming the wealthiest members of the town once they retrieved the pearls from the colony of Clampearl.
The creature's name is actually spelled Clamperl, but that would be dumb to point out to you. Oh, wait.

The lightning ended. The waves flattened.
This is just my opinion, but I think this would have been better with just a semicolon between them. There were other 'short' sentences like this throughout the story that I think could have been like that, too.

Unfortunately her hesitation would cost her as the monkey awoke within a few seconds, half his HP restored.
Technical terms should be avoided in stories, at least to me. 'Health' would have been better.
That is about it, really. Your spelling and grammar is nearly flawless, as you already know.

Length: This is more than enough for the flying fossil, and the story alone nails it. Fantastic.

Detail/Description: I am actually jealous of your skills in this section. Your descriptive words and speech just flow well, and they almost jumped out at me as I read the story. It was easy enough to picture the raging oceans, the ravaged ship, and the Pokemon battles... it is something all writers should strive for, and you do a pretty good job of that.

Of course, I have one thing to say...

He refused to show it across his water-pruned face, but in his heart he knew that Atreya would never see the beautiful side of a coastline again.
I saw the word 'beautiful' plenty of times here, especially in the first post. In a class I took last term, my teacher told us that besides the word 'interesting', the word 'beautiful' is too vague, and all good writers should generally avoid using it as much as possible. I thought it was something you might be interested in hearing; I found that he was right on target with this. It has been very hard for me to substitute those exact words, but I think if you or anyone else can convey those meanings without having to use the words mentioned above, well... then you are just that much closer to being a fantastic writer, not to mention my eternal idol!

Battle: More like battle(s), since there were so many. They were full of action and plenty of details (which is always in style), and I actually felt excited while I was reading them. I was actually cheering for Dragonite and Umbreon while they took on the Aerodactyl, and I think that pretty much sums everything up. If you can make a reader feel something through your writing, you have basically done your job. I hope you continue this; I think it is vibrant, full of life, and one of the best stories I have seen here in awhile.

The peach dragon regained composure and belched out a second beam, but this one of ice. Rila could feel the coldness of it, even in standing several yards away. The wicked ice slapped the dactyl with a method not unlike a machine gun. Over and over the Rock and Flying type was pelted with ice. And suddenly, in the midst of the attack, Aerodactyl managed to create one himself.
I liked the words used here- this was a good example of something I could easily picture as it was happening. 'Belched' is almost strange to use here, but it was creative all the same.

Outcome: Aerodactyl Captured! - It was obvious enough, I think.

Last edited by Seawolf; 10-05-2007 at 02:10 AM.
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Old 09-28-2007, 01:36 AM
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Default Re: Heart of Vengeance

Meg. ;_; You seriously rock so much now.

I honestly did not think this story would go over that well. ^^; I'm thinking the whole character issue is my biggest problem, as I hear that most often. I'll definitely be trying to fix that up in the next section. But thank you so much for the constructive crit. A response like: "You're story is completely perfect!" would just make me go, ":/" and think you were on something...

Haha, right well, I'll be taking all these tips to heart. Thanks a million again. ^^ Make sure you send me a message if you ever need a grading slave. ;)
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