|Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.
09-30-2007, 06:01 PM
Elite Trainer (Level 3)
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: New York
^Credit to Robert^
6900 Character With Spaces
Somewhere in Eterna Forest…
Isaac sighed as he rubbed his four Pokeballs with his soft blue scarf. They glistened in the bright sunlight as he cleaned them. He could still hear a rushing creek in the distance, a reminder of his latest adventures. He sighed again as his crystal blue eyes gazed contentedly at his new Remoraid’s Pokeball.
“Hey, It’s time to go,” He told Rhyhan, his Rhydon friend, as he rose from the grassy ground. Rhyhan yawned, waking from her nap. Isaac decided it was better to let her rest for a little while longer and held out her Pokeball. “Return,” He said as his friend was absorbed into the ball.
After packing up the remnants of their lunch, Isaac resumed his quest on foot. He looked at his Poketch, pressing the button to change apps until he found the map. It said there was a town called Floaroma town a day or so away. He clumsily combed through his auburn locks with his hand.
“Sounds, err, nice,” He thought out loud after imagining so many flowers.
He glanced ahead of him. He saw nothing but trees and shadows. I must be pretty deep in the forest, He thought, slightly intimidated. One or two patches of emerald light stained the rough dirt path. Isaac continued walking.
It was a few hours before Isaac saw sunlight. He flinched- His eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, and the light was causing them to sting. “Ugh,” He groaned as he covered his face with his hand. “Floaroma can’t be far now… Can it?”
“Sta, staa~! Star Starly!” A tiny Starly chirped joyously from a nearby branch. Normally Isaac would’ve liked it, but he was beginning to get frustrated. “You’re not a star, so shut up!" He snapped as he stopped for a minute.
The Starly, looking hurt, flew away. It was out of sight before Isaac continued. He looked up. He was almost out of the forest- the horizon was visible. He saw hills bursting with lively flowers and plants. It does look nice, He thought before beginning to run towards the horizon.
It only took a few minutes for him to reach the town of Floaroma. A gentle breeze swayed the leaves of the trees that formed a fence-like formation around the town, with three exits: the one into Eterna Forest, the one into Valley Windworks, and the one into the Floaroma meadow.
He quickly decided to go straight to Valley Windworks. He didn’t even stop at a Pokemon Center: His Pokemon were fine, and his energy had been renewed. He grabbed Rhyhan’s ball and tossed it into the air.
His rhino-like friend materialized and he put the ball back onto his belt. “Let’s go!” He said with enthusiasm before darting through Floaroma. Rhyhan quickly caught up, however, and they raced through the town.
It was on the route connecting Floaroma and Valley Windworks they spotted a field of strange-looking plants. Or, more specifically, they didn’t spot.
“Aargh!” Isaac screamed as he tripped over one of the plants, dragging it out from the ground and tearing out one of it’s leaves. Oh no, He thought worriedly, I killed the plant!
Or at least, he thought it was a plant.
“OOOODDDD!” The Oddish cried as one of it’s leaves was torn out. The navy, radish-like Pokemon kicked and screamed.
“Oh my god,” He thought, “An Oddish?!”
The baby Oddish cried even harder. Another Oddish popped out from the ground- A larger one.
“Rhy!” Rhyhan tried to warn Isaac.
Isaac turned around to see the angry Oddish. This Oddish must be friends with that Oddish, He noted.
“ODDISH!” The second Oddish lunged at Isaac’s neck. Isaac turned around and ran screaming in a high pitched tone.
“Rhydo.” Rhyhan commented, amused.
“It’s… Not… Funny!” Isaac panted. “That RADISH nearly killed me!”
“Rhydo.” Rhyhan repeated.
“Ugh!” Isaac growled. “That Oddish is gonna pay!”
Isaac didn’t really like grass types. He didn’t like Oddish, either. But something inside him was screaming to capture that Oddish. He tugged at his blue T-shirt absent-mindedly.
“Cut that out, will ya?” He replied, annoyed.
Rhyhan shook her head as a ‘no’. Isaac sighed, calming down a little.
“Alright,” He said finally, “Let’s go back to the Pokemon center.”
A few minutes later…
Isaac pushed the glass doors of the Pokemon center open unenthusiastically. He entered and held the door open for Rhyhan, who followed.
“So, we should think of a plan,” Isaac whispered to his friend, taking a seat on one of the chairs lining the walls of the unusually quiet Pokemon Center.
“You’re right…” Isaac whispered. “Where is Nurse Joy?”
Just then, Nurse Joy ran into the Pokemon Center. She looked amazed to see someone in the Pokemon Center. “You… You are a trainer?”
“Umm, yes.” Isaac said, confused.
“I wasn’t expecting a trainer,” Joy tried to explain, “You see, the Oddish in this area have been causing trouble for trainers. You should leave this town as soon as possible.”
“Ugh! Those Oddish!” Isaac growled.
Nurse Joy sighed. “Oh, dear. See, trainers have been avoiding Valley Windworks because of them.”
“I can see why,” Isaac admitted, “But I’m not going to run away. I’ll show those Oddish who’s boss!”
“I don’t think you should,” Nurse Joy warned. "They can get rather… Violent.”
“I noticed,” Isaac replied.
“Well, er, good luck…” Joy said before disappearing into the back.
“Rhyhan, return,” Isaac said as he put Rhyhan back into her ball. There’s no time to waste, Isaac said to himself, those Oddish are way out of line!
“I wonder why they attack people?” Isaac muttered. He returned to the path leading to the Valley. The Oddish were back in the ground. Isaac got an Idea.
Silently, he released Rhyhan. “Earthquake,” He whispered.
The rhino Pokemon stomped it’s feet hard, sending ripples of pure power through the shaking ground. The Oddish all popped out, looking hurt.
“Now!” Isaac pointed to one of them. “Megahorn on that one!”
Rhyhan’s horn began to glow with energy. He got ready to charge. A few Oddish leapt on her back as she ran at the Oddish, who easily dodged out of the way.
This might be hard, Isaac thought suddenly.
Rhyhan tried to use Megahorn again. The Oddish on top of her pulled her ears. Enraged, she tried to attack them. At the last moment, they all got off and Rhyhan stabbed herself with the Megahorn.
“Rhyhan!” Isaac called.
The rhino looked hurt as she gathered up energy to use Megahorn again. This time, she managed to stab one of the Oddish. The indigo radish screamed and fought back with a highly-damaging razor leaf.
Rhyhan looked like she was about to faint. “Horn Drill!” Isaac called, knowing that it may be their last chance.
The weakened rhino’s horn began spinning at an unbelievable speed. She charged at the hurt Oddish.
Isaac closed his eyes. When he opened them, He saw the Horn Drill had pierced the Oddish’s little body. It was bleeding. He also saw the Oddish had fought back with another Razor leaf.
Both Pokemon were knocked out. Isaac was somewhat disgusted by the Pokemon’s blood. He quickly grabbed a pokeball and tossed it at the injured radish.
The ball began to flash as Isaac recalled Rhyhan. It wiggled.
*Yes, It is not explained why the Oddish attack People. This is only the first part. There will be more.*
Last edited by Hakken; 09-30-2007 at 06:43 PM.
09-30-2007, 06:11 PM
Elite Trainer (Level 3)
Join Date: Oct 2006
Re: Oddish Barrage
<Insert good grading saying here>
Introduction: This was probably the weakest part of the grade, you didn't fully explain where he was, just somewhere around Eterna, I guess its fine, but its not a full saying. What does Isaac look like? Short hair? Long hair? This is all vital information for the goverment. Not seriously, but it can help in a grade which is just as important. Another thing to ask is, where is he from? Was he born in Sinnoh or what, all this information lies in the story which is pretty good.
Plot: The Plot was rather short, but then again you can't do much when there is only seven K to work with. I would've enjoyed a bit more explanation and stretchyness of the plot, because this is yours:
Isaac wakes up with his Rhydon by his side, he remembers catching his Remoraid then gets up and goes in the forest, after the Poketch tells him its a day's walk he gets there in pretty fast. He gets ambushed by Oddish, then goes to the Pokemon Center. After talking to Nurse Joy Isaac goes to catch an Oddish, he attempts at one...
It could've been put in ways to make it better in my opinion. It also seemed a bit rushed.
Spelling/Grammar: I didn't spot anything, no typos, no mistakes, nothing. This was good keep it up.
Detail: Again you had alot of detail, most vision detail so make sure that its not only vision, what does something feel like, sound like? It all adds up in the end.
Length: This was fine, although I have no complaints some more plot and length would probably make this alot better.
Battle: This was actually short, but at the beggining it was very smart to use Earthquake to fish them our of their holes. Make sure that you add a bit more detail some more attacks other then horn attacks, those made the battle boring that thats all you ever use.
Outcome: Oddish Captured this was a good story just work a bit more at it and you'll be a great writer.
Last edited by Legendary Wolf; 09-30-2007 at 06:33 PM.
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