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Old 11-16-2007, 06:58 AM
EonMythos Offline
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Default A Cute Cap Captor!

A Cute Cap Captor!
Aiming for: Shinx
Category: Simple
Length: 15,015 characters (with spaces)

Hearthome bustled with life, people moving about within the streets, and everyone excited for the big, upcoming event. What event, may you ask? Why, the one and only Master Rank Cute Contest, of course! It didn’t happen every day, so of course this would be a momentous event. There were shops set up especially for the Coordinators, fun little stalls for the tourists who wanted to send something to their family, and decorations littering nearly every building. It was during this excitement that Roselyn discovered one thing.

She was never going to get any training done if she couldn’t get rid of the fans.

Squeaking in shock, the petite brunette turned sharply on heel, scrambling to get a head start on the group of giggling girls that were chasing her. She nearly toppled over from the sudden movement, but was thankfully able to push herself into a decent run, the long strands of her hair trailing behind her like a scarf. Dark hazel eyes widened in shock, she rounded a corner sharply, watching the brick buildings pass by her in her hurry. She didn’t know where she was running, nor did she have any idea how long she’d have to run, but as long as she could stay away from those scary fans then she figured she’d be fine.

Her salvation came sooner than expected, in the form of the entrance to Amity Square. Nearly squealing in joy, she picked up her pace, bursting through the doors to the building and quickly hiding behind the front desk. The woman who worked there only spared her a quick glance, before grinning slightly and turning back to filling out the papers that littered the desk. Holding her breath and trying to stay as far under the desk as possible, Roselyn waited, listening as the group of fans entered the building as well.

“Hey! Where’d Rose-sama go?” someone whined, and said girl winced slightly. Several more questions followed that, of similar nature, until the woman behind the desk began twitching in frustration. Slamming her hands down onto the hard wood surface, she glared at the group with flashing emerald eyes, growling slightly in an aggravated manner.

“Alright! I have had enough!” she cried, instantly getting the group to fall silent,” I don’t care if you saw someone come in here, if you aren’t going to actually go into the square, then get lost!”

The air grew still, uncomfortably so, until finally the sounds of feet moving towards the exit could be heard. Sighing in relief, Roselyn looked up at the woman with an appreciative smile, slowly lifting herself up to stand beside her. Grinning, she glomped the taller, red headed woman, earning a giggle.

“Thank you so much, Jasmine!” Roselyn chirped, pulling back and smiling brightly. Jasmine nodded her head, laughing slightly and reaching into one of the many drawers on the desk, pulling out a purple hat and pushing it into Roselyn’s hands.

“Here, I figured you’d need it after you left the house this morning,” she stated, making the shorter girl blink,” What? You don’t think I’ve had experience with fans before? Haha, what little you know, Rosa, what little you know.” Roselyn scowled, swatting at Jasmine’s shoulder but taking the hat anyway. It matched her purple tank top, at least, even if it would be covering her head. Looking in the mirror placed behind the desk, to make the small room seem much bigger than it was, she adjusted the hat until it fit a way she liked it, tugging at the waist length hair until it was all cascading down her back and tucked behind her ears.

Turning to Jasmine, she smiled thankfully, before making her way towards the door again, pulling the cap down over her eyes and shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans. To anyone else, she was just some girl wandering the streets, until they could see her face to identify her. As long as she didn’t cause any trouble, she’d be good.

Oh boy was she wrong.


“Alright Belle! Stop him with Stun Spore!”

“Agh, no! Rai!”

“Hanabi, Confuse Ray!”

Roselyn paused, looking over at the battle taking place with a curious gaze. She had wandered around for a bit before coming to the park, and thankfully hadn’t run into any problems so far. Watching the battle, however, she couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t any bit fair, with both a Bellossom and Gastly attacking the Luxio. Nodding to herself, she walked over slowly, pulling one of her Pokeballs from her belt and tossing it idly up and down in her hands.

“Hey, mind if I join?”

All three heads turned to her, the two girls looking a little put off, while the younger boy looked relieved for some back up. Smiling gently, Roselyn patted him on the head, ruffling his blonde hair slightly and taking her place next to him, silently bemoaning the fact that she wasn’t much taller than him. The two, obviously older, blonde girls looked to each other, before reluctantly giving in and allowing the new girl to join in.

“M’kay then!” Roselyn cheered, tossing one of her hands up and the Pokeball to the ground,” Let’s make this more fun, Nyaa!” The Pokeball hit the ground, bouncing back up and opening to release the familiar red beam of light. It materialized slowly, turning into a little pink and tan cat, who mewed happily. The two girls started giggling at the sight, while the boy groaned and hid his head in his hands.

“You’re using a Skitty? Jace and Kaylee will murder us!” he exclaimed, though Roselyn just smiled serenely at him.

“Aww, don’t worry Noah, Jace and I promise to take you two out quickly,” Kaylee, the one with blue eyes, replied in a mocking tone. Jace, the one with green eyes, giggled loudly, making Roselyn and Noah flinch slightly in disgust.

“What ever you say, girl,” Roselyn grumbled, narrowing her eyes slightly,” Nyaa, lets start of wit-No! Pay attention to the battle not your tail!” Said kitten, who had taken to chasing her own tail in a continuous circle, blinked up at the trembling girl, tilting her head and mewling cutely. Roselyn sighed, slumping her shoulders slightly and staring at the adorable little cat Pokemon.

“Just…just pay attention this time, alright?” she muttered, resuming her previous position and stubbornly ignoring the laughing girls,” Nyaa! Just get rid of that Bellossom with a Ice Beam, already.” Jace froze, looking in shock at the little cat Pokemon along with Noah and Kaylee.

Nyaa mewed happily, spinning in a circle several times before stopping, staring down the Bellossom, and opening her mouth. Forming so quickly it couldn’t be dodged, the beam of extremely cold blue ice shot out at the little plant maiden, almost instantly freezing her. Extremely happy with what she had done, Nyaa squealed in joy and resumed her running in a small circle, while Rai, the Luxio, let out a sort of bark/laugh mixture.

“Wha…what!” Jace wailed, her mouth hanging open in shock. Kaylee growled lowly, taking up the slack for her partner and pointing at Nyaa.

“Hanabi, take it out with Shadow Ball!”

Nyaa blinked again, stilling and watching as the Gastly gathered a large blob of shadows and hurled it at her. It made direct contact, but within seconds Nyaa had run out of the cloud of shadow energy, laughing as well as a kitten could laugh and nearly rolling over onto the floor. Kaylee flinched back, eyes wide at the fact that it hadn’t worked, while Noah and Roselyn proceeded to laugh their heads off.

“Oh geez! You didn’t know that Ghost type moves aren’t affective against Normal type Pokemon?” Roselyn managed to utter, her laughing dying down to short giggles as she wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes,” That’s basic Pokemon knowledge! It’s like trying to attack a Pidgey with Earthquake.” Noah nodded his head, stifling his laughter to partake in the next attack.

“Alright Rai, let’s do our part now!” he called, grinning wide,” Use Bite!”

“Nyaa, back him up with Helping Hand!”

Nyaa nodded once, crying loudly in excitement and zigzagging around a little pretend dance floor she created, doing some sort of dance that she deemed helpful to Rai. Said Luxio grinned, dashing at the floating ghost and launching himself at her, jaws held wide in preparation to bite.

That is, however, until a loud shriek pierced the air. Everyone turned towards the sound, watching as the small figure of Roselyn was tackled to the ground by a small blue and black blur. Flailing around, Roselyn attempted to push the thing off of her, but it had its own plans. Snatching the end of her hat firmly in its jaws, the little creature bounded away, pausing just long enough for Roselyn to figure out what it was.

Until the squeals erupted.

Flinching, Roselyn quickly lifted herself up, looking around worriedly for the fans she had just recently managed to escape. Upon seeing none, she turned back to the group, twitching at the stares she was receiving from Jace and Kaylee. Quickly looking around, she spotted the little Pokemon who had stolen her hat in the first place, sitting innocently under a tree and staring at her with big golden eyes. Taking a step forward, she prepared to rush it, hoping to get her hat back as soon as possible.

Then she was promptly tackled to the ground by two squealing blondes, nearly getting crushed under their combined weight.

“OH MY GOD! I can’t believe I got to battle against Rose-sama!”

“My Bellossom was beat by her Skitty! THE SAME ONE WHO IS IN THE MASTER CUTE CONTEST!!! Eyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”

Roselyn coughed lightly, trying to pull herself out from underneath the two squealing fan girls to make her escape. With a momentous effort, she finally managed to toss the two girls off her smaller form, stumbling slightly and trying to put as much space between her and the girls. Noah, who had been silently the whole time, chuckled under his breath at the scene, watching as Jace and Kaylee proceeded to make an extremely large deal out of it.

Roselyn didn’t hesitate to get out of there, and as soon as she had her bearings she scooped up her little kitten and set off towards where she had last seen the hat thief. Bursting through the trees, which lead into a forest part of the park that was used most often for private training, she chased after the tell-tell rustling that told her where her target was going, thankful she wasn’t being followed as well.

She weaved through the bushes, getting the hem of her pants caught on more than one and a nice collection of scratches on her exposed arms and face, but never slowing in her pace. It would be horrible trying to walk around Hearthome without that hat, especially since nearly every fan within a five mile radius probably heard the squeals of Jace and Kaylee. If she didn’t get it soon, she didn’t know how she was going to get back out of the park…

Stopping as the noises did, she looked out the slight clearing, recently made by the looks of the fallen trees. Letting Nyaa jump to the ground, she looked around worriedly, wondering if she had lost it. Until, that is, Nyaa was tackled by the same Pokemon she was chasing. They tumbled a bit, before managing to untangle themselves and leap apart, both in defensive stances.

For the first time, Roselyn managed to get a good look at the troublemaker, and almost instantly she felt like squealing herself over its cuteness. It being a little male Shinx, who was growling playfully at Nyaa and donning the purple hat somewhat crookedly atop his head. Nyaa mewed out a greeting of some sort, copying the Shinx and tackling him back. This dislodged the cap in the process, and Roselyn was quick to run over and scoop it up.

Fitting it firmly on her head, and once again pushing her hair back so it would fall in her face, she stared down at the two playing cats, watching as they wrestled about in a manner not unlike siblings would. After watching them play, and Nyaa successfully get distracted by the star shaped tail of the Shinx, she finally decided on a course of action, moving back so she could give them room.

“Hey Nyaa! Let’s catch that little Shinx to add to our contest team, alright?” she called, making the pink kitten cheer happily,” Hit him with a Double Slap!”

Nyaa nodded her head, pouncing on the unsuspecting Shinx and using her tail to whap him upside the head a couple of times. Startled, and acting out of defense, the released his hold on the electrical energy stored in his body, effectively shocking his attacker with several, possibly hundreds, of volts. Nyaa squealed in pain, reeling back and twitching due to the extra stimuli to her nerves.

“Nyaa! Heal Bell, followed by Captivate!” Roselyn called, playing on the fact that the Shinx was male. Nyaa, understanding the plan, grinned and chirped happily, though the sound was much more soothing than before, and she glowed just slightly. Recovering from the previous attack, she launched into her Captivate, crouching down more to the ground and giving the Shinx a cute look, mewing softly and waggling her tail slightly. The Shinx stopped, blinking several times and attempting to fight against her cuteness, but it was impossible. She was, after all, ready for a Master Rank Cute Contest. There’s not much cuter than that.

Grinning, Nyaa pounced once again, tackling the slightly larger feline and nuzzling his head slightly, appearing for all the world as if she was only playing a game. Enlightened, the Shinx followed suit, wiggling his way out from under her and giving her a light push, making her topple over and squeal happily. Roselyn couldn’t help but giggle at this, which soon broke into a bubbling laugh at the two. They were just so adorable!

Looking at her, Nyaa tilted her head slightly, receiving a slight nudge from the Shinx as well. He looked at his fellow feline curiously, as if asking her what was going on, but Nyaa just shook her head, not really knowing herself. But, seeing as the original plan was the capture the Shinx, and that her trainer was too preoccupied currently, she would have to take things into her own hands.

Sending him an apologetic look, she backed away as far as possible, before taking in a deep breathe and exhaling sharply. From that formed a massive cloud of icy blue crystals, the temperature dropping drastically in the surrounding air, to the point that the grass frosted over and water molecules in the air froze into small snowflakes. The Shinx, caught up in how pretty the event was, didn’t have time to move out of the way before he was frozen to the ground, bits of his fur hardening until he was covered by a thick layer of ice.

Unable to move from the extra weight, he watched in fascination as Nyaa darted over to Roselyn, who was controlling her laughter now and looking at the scene with a sense of awe. Reaching up, the little pink kitten knocked a Pokeball from the belt they were held on, grabbing it her mouth and carrying it over to her new friend. Pressing the button to maximize it, she gently kicked it towards the Shinx, watching as it bounced off his frozen leg slightly and pulled him inside.

Falling silent, they watched with bated breaths as it wobbled about…

Ryn the Flygon: Complete at 872

Banner is mine! >:3

Last edited by EonMythos; 11-16-2007 at 07:01 AM.
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Old 11-24-2007, 04:18 PM
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Default Re: A Cute Cap Captor!

Meow. :3 *Pets the Kitty*

Story/Plot: O_O I've actually never read about a contest story before....none the less that the person with all the fans is a girl...anyhow, without further a due. Roselyn is a popular coordinator submerging her status and affiliations with the Cute contest of the coordinator ranks, having an avid and raving amount of fan girls without purpose. We encounter Roselyn trying to escape the stampeding onslaught of fan girls, only to be saved by a register at the Hearthome City Contest counter, Jasmine. Jasmine hands Roselyn a purple hat to help her evade the waves of fans throughout the entire city.

Just as Roselyn is finishing up a double battle she partakes, a small, nimble Pokemon snatches her hat after forcing her to the ground, troubling her even more with the onslaught of fan girls that are to come. Roselyn finally meets with the doer of evil, a male Shinx in which she adores to no end. Will she succeed in her cord to capture the Shinx?

Pretty unique, if you ask me. =) It might be that I haven't read 'nuff contest stories, but if any Grader, the concept and story really gives a heart warminin'. x3


Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling: ....I don't find any Grammar, Punctuation, nor Spelling mistakes. -_- No fair. >:(


Detail: By far, there were ridiculous and monstrous amounts of vocabulary. The detail in this story is also very good, but seemingly limited to what is mainly happening. Perhaps some detail about Roselyn's observation of the surrounding area as she goes? It helps readers, Graders, and whatnot catch up with the current thought the storyline is progressing through.

Your style is also splendid. Typical Japanese names for Pokemon and whatnot, squealing girls that can stomp and glomp, and so forth. Could use a bit more spice to involve more exaggeration, something that would fit well with your story. x3

All of these parts are wonderful. :3


Length: You killed it. O_O


Battle: A simple, but fitting battle. :3 Nyaa is able to constrain Shinx's battling capabilities using her feline cuteness, enhanced by the ever so training for Cute contests. I really like this significance, how the main factor was restated and reused for the battle and capture. There was little that Shinx did, however. Extending the battle with even more cuteness from Shinx could raise significance in his cute factor. Just a suggestion, however.

Not an overall great battle, if we were to center it around the tradition Pokemon battle, but there is an extra dose of realism (About a bottle full), which makes up for it.


Outcome: Shinx captured! Have fun with your kitty(ies). O.o
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