Member List
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

Thread Tools
Old 12-07-2007, 10:02 PM
Charizard_Rider's Avatar
Charizard_Rider Offline
Experienced Trainer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: I am Everywhere and Nowhere...
Posts: 141
Send a message via Yahoo to Charizard_Rider
Default Alice earns her wings

Yawning and stretching, Celeste sat up in her sleeping bag as the sounds of the forrest called to her. For two days, she had wandered through the forrest searching for a new Pokemon to pair up with her first, Alice the Swablu. It was day three, and she hoped things would go better. Yesterday's defeat was still fresh in her mind, but she insisted she get another Pokemon before trying to battle a trainer.

Slipping on her shoes, Celeste climbed out of her warm, soft, comfortable, green sleeping bag. Fishing through her bag, she pulled out what she needed to get ready for the day. Her hair brush, to smooth out her tangled chestnut locks, her toothbrush, to make sure her teeth stayed clean, her black biker cap, a must have for her (it had once belonged to her father), and lastly, a single Pokeball with the face of a Swablu on the front, which Celeste had painted on herself.

Smiling, she whispered, "We'll do eet today, Aleeze, I know eet!"

After Celeste was sufficiantly dressed and ready to face the day, she grabbed the Pokeball and tossed it into the air. In a flash of light, a figure emerged from the ball, taking the form of Alice, the bright blue Swablu. The Pokemon chirped happily, glad to have a chance to stretch its wings. Upon seeing Celeste, however, the shame it had experienced yesterday came rushing back, and it turned away.

"Aleeze, I know yezterday didn't go az well az we 'oped eet would," Celeste said gently, "but I know today eez zee day! We'll get a new partner today, I'm zure of eet." The confidence was thick in her voice.

Alice looked up at her trainer. She wasn't mad at her. She wasn't even dissapointed. She had moved on, and was ready to try again. Newly inspired, Alice flew up into the air, did a flip, and landed lightly on Celeste's shoulder. She chirped, letting Celeste know she was ready to go.

Celeste and Alice spent the first few hours of the day searching high and low for their next challange. There were a couple of times that the little Swablu seemed to lose heart and give up, but one look at Celeste, and Alice wiped all thought of surrender from her mind and continued the search.

Around noon, Celeste and Alice stopped for lunch. Digging through her bag, Celeste pulled out a container filled with her mother's own Pokemon food recipie, along with a sandwich wrapped in plastic. Apparently dissapointed, the Swablu merely picked at her food.

Celeste smiled warmly. "Cheer up Aleeze!" she said, her thick French accent apparent, "We will ztart again afteer we eat, no?"

As they continued to eat, Celeste was wrapped in her thoughts. She was thinking about her home, her family, her past, and her future. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, that it was Alice who noticed the Oddish that was hiding just beyond the treeline. Chirping excitedly, Alice abandoned her meal to fly off toward the wild Pokemon, thinking that if she battled it all by herself, that Celeste would be so proud of her.

Celeste saw Alice fly off excitedly. As if she had some sort of Sixth sense, Celeste knew that the Swablu had seen a Pokemon. Grabbing her bag and abandoning the rest of their lunch, she bolted off after the Flying-type.

The Oddish ran as fast as it's little legs could carry it, until it came to a sheer wall. It was trapped. Alice landed on the ground, and chirped agressively, chalanging the Grass-type to see what she was made of. The Oddish, now angry that it's peaceful walk through the forrest had been disturbed, unleashed a Petal Dance as a response.

Celeste burst from the trees just in time to see the Oddish attack. "Aleeze! Geet out of zee way!" She shouted despeately. The little blue bird almost got clear, but was hit on the wing. Shaking out her wing, she chirped at Celeste.

Celeste knew that the battle had started, and it was time to prove herself. "Aleeze! Start zeez off weez a Zafeguard attack!" She had just started, but she knew from watching her mother battle that to build up one's defences first was always a good idea. A veil of light surrounded Alice. "Good! Now ruzh eet and uze your Peck!" Spreading her wings, the little Swablu flew at the Oddish, and began to peck it ferociously.

Incredibly, the little Oddish ran streight at the wall, jumped at it, bounced off backward, and landed on top of the Swablu. It let out an enraged battle cry, and began to suck energy from Alice with Giga Drain.

Celeste was worried. Alice was in a real jam now. If she couldn't think of a way to get that Pokemon off of her, she would lose. She looked around frantically for some solution to her problem. Suddenly she found it in the form of a low hanging branch. It was a longshot, but it was her only shot.

"Aleeze! Lizten to me! You 'ave to fly up and under zat branch over zere!" Celeste called.

The cotten bird chirped futilely, apparently having given up hope.

"Pleaze Aleeze! You 'ave to try!"

Summoning all of her strength, the bird amazingly flew up off the ground, and under the branch with as much speed as she could muster. The branch hit the Oddish square in the head, and it fell to the ground below. It managed to climb to it's feet, but it had obviously been knocked for a loop, as it was stubling around, apparently unaware of where it was.

Wasting no time, Celeste shouted, "Uze zee Zing attack, Aleeze, queeckly!"

Celeste plugged her ears as the Swablu began to sing sweetly. The Oddish's eyes became heavy and it slowly began to fall asleep. After it had drifted off, Alice stopped singing and Celeste took her fingers out of her ears. Taking a Pokeball in hand, she chucked it at the sleeping Grass-type. As it shrunk and went inside, Celeste looked on anxiously. The ball rocked back and fourth menecingly, as if the Pokemon would burst out any second.

"Come on..." Celeste pleaded. "Pleaze be mine...."

Last edited by Charizard_Rider; 12-09-2007 at 11:58 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 10:41 PM
Charizard_Rider's Avatar
Charizard_Rider Offline
Experienced Trainer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: I am Everywhere and Nowhere...
Posts: 141
Send a message via Yahoo to Charizard_Rider
Default Re: Alice earns her wings

Going for: Oddish
Difficulty: Simple
Story #: 1

Last edited by Charizard_Rider; 12-10-2007 at 12:00 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2007, 08:34 PM
Woodchuck's Avatar
Woodchuck Offline
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,120
Send a message via MSN to Woodchuck Send a message via Skype™ to Woodchuck
Default Re: Alice earns her wings


Introduction: Pretty good. I see that you described the main character, but how about the setting? Don’t be afraid to get pretty descriptive here, as this is where the “hook” to your story is, and details make a reader get more interested. Also, a little bit more detail on Celeste would have been nice, as readers want to get a good mental picture of who they’re reading about. For a first story though, it was nice.


Plot/Story: Well, it was the typical, “kid walks into a forest…” plot, but you managed to make it work. That’s the good thing about a strong vocabulary, and great descriptive prowess. Anyway, for next time, I’d suggest going more in-depth with the plotline. Now, when you’re shooting for a Simple or Easiest level Pokemon, depth isn’t such a big deal. Just don’t limit yourself with a boring plot is all. Go ahead and add some twists in there, so as to really ground the reader’s interest into the story. I find that brainstorming before I write something can help a lot. Might I suggest that? You seem to have great storytelling potential, so don’t cheat yourself. You’re good, just show the graders by writing a great story


Grammar/Spelling: Great job here! There were very few (if any) grammatical errors, and I only managed to find one spelling mistake, here:

the little Oddish ran straight at the wall, jumped at it
You spelled straight as “straight”, but still, that’s not a big deal. It just kind of made me stop and go, “Wait, what?”. If you can use a word processor like Microsoft Word, do it. It’s grammar and spell check features save a lot of trouble when writing a story. I’m not going to penalize you for a few small errors, though.


Detail: You did a really nice job here! You described everything in great detail, and no small description was spared. Always describe in-depth, as graders love to see that. Leave no adjective unwritten, and always try to vary your word choices. A thesaurus is always good for that. Like I said, a little more detail on Celeste would have been great, but that won’t hurt your grade. Just remember to describe your characters right down to their clothing.


Length: It was on the low side of the margin, but that’s fine. Don’t hesitate to even go over the margin sometimes, though. Graders love to see lots of effort; it means that you actually pay attention to your Language Arts teacher. XP Anyway, it’s always nice to see an author who goes the extra mile. It’s not a must, but it can only help your grade. When you have a strong plot, an exciting battle, and good descriptions, you might not need to write such a long story. But if the story seems weak in any way, shoot for the stars! Like I said though, you did fine here. I only dock points if the story’s weak and the author is under the margin.


Battle: Good, good, good. It was the perfect length for a story this size and a Pokemon like Oddish. The attacks were adequately described, and it was evenly matched. For future reference, you may want to detail the attacks a tad bit more. Like in stead of using the name of the attack when telling how much damage it did to the opponent, describe it for what it is. For example, write, “The rushing whirlwind swept the Pikachu off of its feet, and tossed it repeatedly into the surrounding trees.”, in stead of just putting something like, “The Gust attack was super effective!” Did that make sense? I hope so, as I tend to ramble sometimes. Sorry.


Overall Grade: A-

Outcome: Oddish (obviously) captured! Good first story! Just keep all of my advice in mind for your future stories, and you should do just fine. If you have any questions about the grade, don’t hesitate to PM me.

Enjoy the little leafy, uh, thing!

"Because without Twitter... You're f*cking nothing. Your life is just a burnt-out shell. You're like a husk."

Last edited by Woodchuck; 12-10-2007 at 09:14 PM.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 08:40 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: