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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 12-27-2007, 01:02 AM
Legendary Wolf Offline
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Default Some Dream

I finally finished my WWC story

The morning sun glittered overhead, Rustboro seemed as though it was going to have another busy day, where thousands of people filtered into the streets of large city. At this time only shopkeepers opened their doors to the outside, they needed to set up their store so when the rage of the city does come in they’ll be ready.

A very boring girl stood at her doorway waiting for the time to come for her to go to school; she didn’t like to arrive too early or too late for the un-stylish girl is was all about arriving at the same time every day at school. Everyone wondered about it even her parents but no one ever asked about it.

An older Gabby Monrio stood at her doorway waiting for the time to come for her to go to school; she didn’t like to arrive too early or too late for Gabby is was all about arriving at the same time every day at school. Everyone wondered about it even her parents but no one ever asked about it.

The eager young girl had been born in Lilycove City but moved to Rustboro shortly after that. Her mother had been an old Contest Festival Winner, after that she retired with her lone Delcatty. Her father works at the Devon Cooperation and he thinks of new ideas for trainers every day.

Gabby Monrio had been born in Lilycove City but moved to Rustboro shortly after that. Her mother had been an old Contest Festival Winner, after that she retired with her lone Delcatty. Her father works at the Devon Cooperation and he thinks of new ideas for trainers every day.

Our main character has long black silky hair that flows easily in wind; she has lake blue eyes, and a thin body. Gabby is fifteen years old at this time, she also likes to wear hats too, most of the time it’s a plain baseball cap, but with her collection of unique hats you will never know which one she will wear.

Gabby has four Pokemon; each one is different and has their own personal good personality. Gabby’s Nincada and Shedinja were from his first Pokemon, after Nincada split into them to help capture Shroomish and Vulpix who became vital points in Gabby’s team.

Gabby was watching her clock when it finally struck seven forty-five. With her school bag in hand she ran down her stairs and into the streets, a couple other school kids were walking towards the school too. The streets carried only children for the time being, most kids walked along with their Pokemon. Or they rode on skateboards.

Gabby had a feeling today was going to be a special day, she could feel it, something was simply urging her to go on, to look forward to the day. Gabby smiled as she saw her friend, Leobale. At first Leobale had been a bully to Gabby, but after some adventures they became great friends.

“Hey Leobale,” Gabby said politely.

“Oh, hey Gabby,” Leobale said not looking up from her book.

“Doing anything after school today?” Gabby asked.

“Actually I am, I have to baby-sit for my neighbor,” Leobale replied, this time she looked so that Gabby knew that she wasn’t kidding.

The rest of the way Leobale and Gabby walked to school together but not talking to each other. Gabby wasn’t very hesitant about it but it made her feel bad that she wasn’t communicating with her friends.

As soon as Gabby walked into the school the first bell rang, signaling the students to get in and ready. The halls were filled at this point, some kids were standing around a circle talking, and sometimes Gabby imagined the kids to be gangsters waiting to plan an attack. Some kids found Gabby to be somewhat delusional.

The second bell rang and with her multiple Pokeballs Gabby headed for her first class, Terrain Battling.

Terrain Battling is like normal battling but with multiple terrains that switch so trainers get used to terrains as they go along. Most of the time it was either rocks or grassland but there was an occasional water field with icy patches. The teacher was Mr. Carbanall who was an excellent battler.

“Leobale Smitt against Mike Johnson, One vs. One, go!” Mr. Carbanall said with a slight bit of impatience. Leobale stepped up to one side, her hair tightly in a bun, she was known to be a strong battler. Mike on the other hand was a newer student so not many people knew his battling styles, most likely after this, they would.

“Go Blazekin!” Leobale yelled, a wave of excitement passed when Blazekin was sent.

“Go Gallade,” Mike said, rather calmly. Everyone was silent and looking in awe at the Pokemon in front of them, even Gabby who had been busy brushing her nails looked up to see the new blade like Pokemon. Without wasting another second the teacher stood firm opened his mouth and yelled,

“Begin the match,” and the match was on.

“Blazekin, use Swords Dance,” Leobale said setting up for attack.

“Do the same,” Mike was prepared for this battle, there was some advantage to Mike but Leobale was a strong fighter. Both Pokemon at this point were moving as swords danced around them, both strengthening their attack.

“Blaze Kick, Blazekin!” Leobale yelled it out fire was burning in her eyes. Mike sneered at the other side.

“Protect,” He said and before Blazekin and even gotten close to him a force field appeared around Gallade. Blazekin sensed this and tried to stop it, she was already at the air flinging itself at Gallade. Blazekin’s right leg hit hard on the protective shield, it glittered for a moment then vanished. Blazekin bounced off and fell onto the floor right in front of the shield.

“Psycho Cut!” Mike barked it out this time with speed. Leobale heard Mike was playing it smart. Just as Gallade was about to land on Blazekin, Leobale made her move.

“Flamethrower, now,” Blazekin pulled down for a second then let out a strong wave of heat. It blasted at Gallade who had bent his upper body back just far enough to only get slightly singed on the end of its stomach. Gallade took no notice of his and finished the leap slicing at Blazekin with a Psycho blade. The blade struck Blazekin evenly, and with the extra attack Blazekin was finished.

“Blazekin is unable to battle, Mike wins!” The battling referee cried. Everyone watched their mouths hanging open, like they were trying to take a bite of the biggest cookie in the world. Even Gabby was in stunned silence. Leobale walked back in shame. Mike walked quietly to where he had been sitting before.

Next, Justin against Amber, begin!” More battles passed, slowly. Everyone after that used basic Pokemon and used advantages over each other. Time passed and class ended before Gabby got a chance to battle, which didn’t surprise her.

Next class was History of Pokemon, it was a boring class but you learned the most at it which is why so few people liked the class, maybe even two but not more, the teacher was mean to her name was Mrs. Helicrop. Mrs. Helicrop has always been mean, some people have told rumors that she was once in the army and she has a plastic leg. Not many believed them; including Gabby, she thought it was rubbish. She entered the room and took a seat at one of the front desks.

“Today we will be studying the fossils of Pokemon,” she said trying to be exiting, she failed miserably. In class they read from a text book, got a paper, and started to write about how fossils can be created back to Pokemon again. Half way through the paper the bell rang, she said something about finishing it on Monday and then dismissed them.

Her next classes were Contests, then Working with your Pokemon. After that it was time to go home. They finished rapidly and before Gabby could tell the final bell had rung and it was time to go home.

Cars roared as they past by Gabby who was waiting on the side of the street. A dark blue car came around the corner, it was a big truck with a driver and two men sitting in the back, one had a growing goatee which made him look like an actually goat, he had black short hair and dark brown eyes that looked red. The other man looked strange, he had big black sunglasses, bigger then bees would be if they were human size and he had dark blue hair, even his eyelashes and eyebrows.

The truck zoomed by, Gabby only got a small glimpse but knew exactly what both of them looked like. Looking at the back of the truck Gabby could see that both of the men were supporting a big box. Gabby wondered why two men needed too support it, but she didn’t get to wonder too far before she was given the chance to cross the street which she took.


“I’m home,” Gabby had just stepped into the door of her home. Gabby dumped her backpack onto her bed. Gabby fell back on the bed and closed her eyes, resting her muscles. Seconds later she stood back up and walked to table, grabbed the television remote and pressed the button.

As you know, most of the time when you watch television, time flies by very quickly you barely notice it; you waste your time rotting brain cells watching something that tries to be funny but fails badly. This was exactly how it was for Gabby; whenever she got home she would turn on the television and watch for hours without end.

Gabby watched, lying still on her bed, her Ninetales purring in her corner. Gabby smiled, she loved the voice of her Ninetales purring, it was so soothing and relaxing. It was probably the only thing except for being tired that distracted her from watching her television, either that or eating dinner or going to sleep.

Suddenly her stomach growled like a ferocious Poocheyena wanting to eat meat after three days of eating nothing at all. All at once her smile vanished she stood up and went to the kitchen, her dad was reading the newspaper. His smile wavered as she entered the room going through the many cabinets.

“Don’t you ever get tired?” the man behind the paper asked.

“Of what?” Gabby asked.

“Having the same routine ever day, you know, school, go home, come back, Television, dinner, Television, sleep,” her dad replied.

“No, not really, but I could always change it,” Gabby answered back a frown where her smile was minutes before.

He sat down his paper and looked straight at Gabby. “Then go outside and play with your friends,” his gaze pierced through the air, attacking the girl wanting to make her own choices.

“Fine, then I will,” she replied trying to meet his gaze. She grabbed a cookie from the cabinet, grabbed her hat, and ushered her Ninetales out the door with her. Ninetales looked at her funny with her gleaming red eyes, which represented rubies.

“We won’t be out here for too long, just long enough to please daddy,” Ninetales still seemed to be confused but a little smirk crossed her mouth for just a second. A whoosh came from overhead, Gabby looking up realized that it was a beautiful Staraptor carrying a boy with long black curly hair. For a second Gabby imagined herself on the flying bird as it was hers.

“That looks cool, doesn’t it?” The voice came from nowhere and Gabby quickly snapped her neck to look back at who was talking. A girl stood there looking at the same bird and boy that Gabby had seconds before.

“Well it’s not that bad, it seems fun,” Gabby replied hastily trying to get herself out of her situation.

“I’ve tried it, those bugs that get in your eyes though are horrible,” she said seeming amused.

“I guess.”

“See you later then,” she said as a blue truck pulled up and she climbed into the back.

Um… that was strange Gabby thought to herself. Ninetales looked at her.

“Right, let’s go have some fun,” Gabby said, trying to erase the strange girl from her memory base. Gabby took out a Frisbee and threw it into the air “Go get it!” Ninetales closed her eyes and the Frisbee stopped in mid-air. It came back to Gabby. The strong-headed girl looked at her Pokemon and smirked.

“You’re supposed to run to get it,” she said. Ninetales’ smirk stayed on her face along with a yawn to show she wasn’t interested in running.

“Okay we’ll do something else but you have to follow me,” the girl argued, Ninetales nodded her head. The fiery Pokemon followed the tall girl leading the way. In a small bit of walking time they got up to a pavilion, it was little but sturdy. In the few hurricanes it had been under, not even the tiniest scratch was made.

“Alright, I’m going to hide the Frisbee, you then can find it and use your mystical, amazing, wonderful Psychic powers on it, okay?” The instructions were so clear even a Dunsparce could do it much less a brilliant Ninetales. Gabby started running out in the wide green field, where bushes were planted and plains were ran on.

Ninetales was looking at the other side of the field so that it would be fair. On her side the buildings overhead were giant it was impossible to see over them, at least if you were on the ground. Though some pilots have to maneuver their plane up to get over them some times.

Thorns scraped across Gabby’s knees, she could feel blood trickling down her leg. She found one soft patch and buried the Frisbee inside. No way Ninetales was gonna use her powers on this.

While Ninetales was still studying the sky, Gabby jumped up from her bushes walked across to another one silently then noisily walked back to the pavilion from the decoy bush. Ninetales turned around just in time to see Gabby walk back from the decoy bush.

“Go ahead and try, you won’t be able to find it.”

Ninetales snorted and stuck her nose into the air, scents from everywhere filled up her nose, and she was only detecting the one that came from the Frisbee, or trying to. The fox Pokemon put her nose back down she looked at the decoy bush for a second then to the other field of bushes, grinning it looked at the real bush closed its eyes and in a few seconds a Frisbee was hovering overhead of the bush.

“Wow umm… you’re very good at this,” Gabby complemented. Ninetales liked to be complemented especially when someone really meant it.

“I did all of that climbing for nothing though, I knew you’d find it, but not so fast,” she quickly said angrily. Ninetales was done grinning with her successes she wanted to sleep now.

She simply walked over to the side of the pavilion sat down on the bench and feel asleep. Gabby took out her Pokeball and let out a bright crimson light the refracted onto Ninetales sucking her into the Pokeball.

Light came down from the setting sun, orange and purple clouds scattered the glorious darkening sky that came from above, it was so beautiful. I’ve been missing out on so much… were her only thoughts the whole walk home. But by the time she hit the city it could no longer be viewed.

With her house a few steps ahead she slowed her pace as she squinted and turned her head to see if she was able to see any of the remaining beauty of the ending day. She gave up as she approached the stairs and walked into the door. Her dad greeted her as she entered the door. She took of her shoes and sat down her Pokeball on the table.

“Did you have fun outside?” Her father asked curiously.

“More then you can imagine, I’ve been missing out on so much,” Gabby replied watching an I-told-you-so grin appear on his face. She reached for a cup and poured herself some lemonade.

“Ninetales is more of a scout than I could imagine, she sniffed the Frisbee out so many times I almost went crazy hiding them.”

“Good, well, remember this next you say you don’t want to go outside.”

“I will,” she took her cup of Lemonade into her room where she could be alone. Gabby looked at her collection of hat, she took out a favorite hat. It had a gleaming crystal gem on it and the sides were bent over. There was a red ribbon on top. She stared at it, it was so beautiful.

She looked then at her bookshelves which was infested with many kinds of books, some comics some history and some plain novels. She selected a history book and jumped on her bed, she laid down and for possibly the first time ever Gabby opened a book to study.

The book was filled with words, all words. There were a few pictures to show the readers what was happening. There were so many bloodshed battles so many treaties, and it all seemed to fill up her mind in minutes. The Houndoom outbreak in Lilycove was exposed and what seemed to be the compromise of trainers to coordinators where a mass outbreak and almost a war started on the two kinds of Pokemon acts.

The book was almost done and Gabby couldn’t resist reading more. While reading the book she went back to her bookshelf and picked out the next history book she could find. It fascinated her to just imagine what was happening in the past times. Books were flying out of the bookshelves and also back in.

Her dad had been watching the whole deal too. At first he was only going to ask what she wanted for dinner, but when he stumbled upon the discovery he just couldn’t get the heart to interrupt his daughter as this was the first she had been seen studying. So when this happened he stood there for a few minutes, smiling at her re-born daughter.

Gabby also felt like she was completely reborn taking action with books, and only five minutes to read off every book. And in some strange way, she thought she was going to need this knowledge for something other then Mrs. Helicrop’s history class; which was strangely unusual.

Once all the history books had been finished Gabby felt like a new person; a new person with a lot of knowledge.

“Dinner,” her dad called from the kitchen, he liked her reading but everyone needed to eat something at sometime. Gabby skipped to the dinner table, where her father and mother sat, her mother home from work. Her mother smiled as her young daughter approached the table.

“Did you have a nice day?” The elder women asked.

“Yes, I found reading an enjoyable thing with loads of soothing microscopic senses that fill the matter of my room,” the smarter sounding girl replied. Both parents looked at each other with amazed faces.

“Ah yes a soothing sound is what everyone needs,” replied Gabby’s father who had been silent until now.

The rest of the night went through very intelligently not a word was uttered that some western would speak. It was an intelligent night with Gabby being the center of attention, her parents were very proud of her and her new knowledge, and it filled Gabby herself full of joy that she was able to prove that anyone can become smart in a few hours work. But time passed on and dinner was over, Gabby went back to her room to read some more.

As time passed and books were read, history was repeating herself, and knowing what one already knows is not the most pleasant thing to learn about. So Gabby made a good choice. Acting as though she had no choice at all she changed in to her pajamas, and went to the kitchen, she took out a box of raisins and started to eat them.

“I can’t believe these are actually dried up grapes, I mean who would guess?” Gabby muttered to herself as she dragged her sleepy body back to her room. She finished the box of raisins and threw it into the waste basket in the corner of her bathroom.

The young girl ended her day brushing her teeth and falling over in to her bed. She leaned over to one side trying to get comfortable, outside dark Pokemon were finding ways to chew out others. Dark forms swallowed her mind, and soon Gabby was sound asleep in her bed.
__________________

Last edited by Legendary Wolf; 02-18-2008 at 02:38 AM.
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  #2  
Old 12-27-2007, 01:03 AM
Legendary Wolf Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 3)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Florida
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Default Re: Some dream [WWC]

“Are you alright?” the voice came in her years, but she couldn’t identify who the voice’s was. The teenager blinked a few times, trying to see where she was and who was talking. But there was a lot of light, Gabby could barely squint.

“Don’t bother trying to find out where you are, when I could just tell you,” the voice came back sounding more eerie then before.

“Then where am I?” Asked the scared teenager.

“You are in your head, listening to me, in other words you’re dreaming. But this dream led you to a different world. You have been chosen out of five children to help bring peace to where you’re going,” the voice finished. Gabby could’ve sworn her mouth dropped open at least a yard.

“But but…isn’t this a dream?” she stuttered before saying.

“It is, but in this case you’re crossing over, to the dream world where you’re needed most. Keep in mind that it won’t be easy. It could very well be fatal. Though more likely one of your comrades will die than you, you will be the most protected. You will be the leader,” the voice explained. Gabby could tell that it was a deeper voice, probably belonging to a Snorlax or Salamence.

“So I’m going to lead what exactly?” She asked expecting the worst.

“A revolt on the shadows.”

“Sounds nice,” she muttered. “Any background I’m allowed to know?”

“Our council doesn’t want you to know much about the past, but what I can tell you, is that shadows used to be our friends then something took over, and you know, attacked…”

“Oh, very nice.”

“So I do this on my own?” Gabby asked hoping for a good answer.

“Well no, you have five other Heros coming to help, and an army of Pokemon. Oh and there are three Pokemon you have to capture before attacking, these are all strong Pokemon, and have to be taken out, or else we lose,” the voice said.

“Great, and what Pokemon are these, Arceus, Rayquaza, and Heatran or something overpowered like that?”

“No, just a Kangaskhan, a Riolu, and some other Pokemon not yet to be known.” Gabby could feel tears of relief forming under her eyelids. She was a very emotional girl.

“Well okay, how do I know this isn’t some dream?” Gabby asked impatient for an answer. A couple seconds later something smacked her hard across the face and knocked her over. She felt blood trickle down her cheek onto the cold floor, her fair catching onto some. When she turned back over, the tip of her hair was red.

“Okay, so this isn’t a dream.”

“Did that feel like a dream?” the voice inquired.

“No, it actually didn’t,” Gabby replied.

“Okay then, so you know what to do?”

“Well do I go out there like a human?”

“Oh right, key point. I can't beleive I missed that. What Pokemon is your favorite Pokemon?”

“Um probably my Ninetales,” Gabby replied joyfully hoping that she would get her own as a companion.

“Okay then, close your eyes,” Gabby closed them. The sweet girl smiled when doing so, she was getting her faithful companion coming with her. Then all of a sudden she felt a small tingling in her legs, she could feel her hair breezing her hair, she suddenly became smaller, and she couldn’t guess why. Her back ached and then suddenly breezed her legs came down forward and some sprouted from her backside, she started counting, at first it felt like only one then more and more were felt.

“You can open your eyes now,” the voice announced. Gabby looked down at her new body and what she had felt, every was a red yellow with hairs sticking everywhere she felt strong and hot, but as a fire Pokemon, you were supposed too. She saw herself, but not as normal as a Pokemon; a Ninetales. Her jaw dropped in amazement, and a orange flame let out it was small, so she new hybrid thought it was an Ember.

Oh this is just great…, Gabby thought to herself. “All I need now is a bowl of sugar,” she said and the voice chuckled to itself obviously it wasn’t intentionally. Gabby was upset about not getting her partner but it was cool to be who she liked.

“Well now it’s time for you to meet your helper’s right this way then,” Gabby could see no door and stopped moving pondering what would happen next. Before she knew it, everything went fuzzy and blurry she felt cold and blurred but then she realized she was in another room, it was as dark as the deepest part of the ocean, but yet, there was a small light in the middle of the room. It gloomed over the room and it barely showed the faces of a few other Pokemon.

The first Pokemon she noticed was an Alakazam looming in a corner, its eyes focused on something in the dark, the human-like formed Pokemon paid the new Pokemon to attention. The second Pokemon she saw was a muscular looking Machamp, the rings on his head highlighted his piercing red eyes so much that Gabby could barely stand looking in them in case they turned her into stone.

Before she decided to look around anymore, she sat down and realized what was happening. She was supposed to do some sort of revolt on shadows, whatever that was. And now she was placed in the middle of some strange unknown world as a Ninetales, some things went to far in dreams and this was without a shadow of a doubt one of them. She thought to herself that she was a fox Pokemon, and her favorite one at that, she enjoyed it, and all her moves came to her naturally, but it was still so weird.

Something flashed around the light and immediately after Gabby knew what it was, it happened to be a Manetric playing with the darkness, he knew he could provide more light but it was fun playing with the shadows, just trying to catch what you can’t.

“Eh, look our leader is here…about time,” said a voice from a corner of the dimly lit room.

“I thought them cocoons wouldn’t give us no leader after all,” said the Manetric. The Pokemon in the corner appeared to be a Swampert. He had red eyes and a scar on his left cheek leading all the way to the stubby short nose in the middle of his torn and bruised face. There were a few cuts on his arms as well and he looked like he was old as well, his wrinkly forehead gave an emitting glow giving a glow.

The Manetric also had a few bruises but not nearly as close as the tough Swampert in the far left corner. His head helmet was electrifying and it lighted where he stood but only as far as a couple inches and no one else saw it. An amazingly long gash on his back outlined the blue fur on the medium sized body.

“Oi, I believed the same thing,” commented the Swampert. “But I guess I was wrong.”

“So, then lets get-” she was but off when she noticed a Pokemon at her feet. The Ninetales wasn’t tall but the Pokemon was small. She looked a little lower to find a small Caterpillar Pokemon nuzzling her leg. When the caterpillar noticed her looking she jumped back and excused herself.

“I’m so terribly sorry, ma’am you’re just so soft…” she said. “Oh, wait, excuse my manners I’m Caterpie, and I don’t know why I’m here.”

“Well then, you must be a hero to be unpleasantly located in this room, how old are you anyway?”

“Iii’mm five and my favorite Pokemon is Ca…aterpie,” she finally uttered. Gabby’s face turned expressionless, a five year old was going to have to help destroy a revolt on shadows. She could barely imagine.

“Don’t get me long taily but the lad has some spunk we could use her for some humor,” the Manetric said, snickering.

“Well I’ve learned that you can be a great help no matter how small you are.”

“Great, a preacher,” the Swampert muttered under his breath.

“Wait, that’s only four other heros we need one more,” Gabby noticed.

“Up here, if you will,” a scratchy and irritated voice said. Gabby’s head moved upwards to find a Pidgeot perched on a steel bar near the top of the room.

“Why yes, hello there,” Gabby said turning her head down. “Okay well that’s all of them, lets learn some names then, I am Gabby,” Gabby said taking on her leadership.

“I’m Ruben!” the Caterpie squealed in excitement.

“Lockheart,” whispered the Swampert.

“Sien, I am” the tall Pidgeot said leaning over her rail.

“Robert is what them folks call me,” the Manetric yelled.

Alakazam was the only one left and he was focusing on one of his bent spoons, finally he looked up and said, “Salion,” and then he looked back down at his spoon trying to mend it back to normal.

“Okay well-” Gabby was cut off once more by a shaking in the earth the light flickered and everyone was tossed about, except for Sien and Salion who firmly stood their ground, proving that they were two strong individuals who would have little trouble taking out the troublemakers. The earthquake lasted for a bit longer and then dwindled to a stop. Gabby stood up and dusted off some dust with her nose.

“Does anyone know what that was?” Caterpie asked clinging to Lockheart’s leg then silently letting go.

“An earthquake of some sort, something caused, they’re never any earthquakes around here,” Lockheart explained.

“But what?” asked the confused Manetric. “Any more of those directly and Ima be toasted like hickory smoked sausages!” Exclaimed the frightened electric type. Gabby was starting to think of his as the scared one, even the Caterpie was braver then him.

“Yes, and what a shame that would be,” Sien said and Manetric shot her a dirty look.

“It might’ve been our first subject to capture,” Caterpie said her voice gave the impression that she didn’t want that to be the case.

“And that would be…?” asked Robert.

“Kangaskhan, that would be,” Salion said. Everyone’s eyes moved to him.

“Right, that’s it. I’ve heard of them making earthquakes, but they have to be taught the move by someone that already knows it, and they turn out to be pretty nasty things. They're great fighters no doubt that’s a reason we have to kidnap one and hold in until the battle is over we need more of a stand,” Sien explained. All eyes dropped the human like Pokemon to look at the winged bird.

“So now we find it, but how do we get out of this accursed room?” Lockheart asked, stepping into the conversation and literally taking a step forward. But as on cue Gabby had the funny feeling again in her body she evaporated and then re-formed.

She felt a slight breeze go bye her fur making them stand up. Her skin now touched by cold air. One by one the Heros commenced onto the plain. Sien formed then flew straight to the sky hovering now. Lockheart came with Ruben on his back, Robert right after and finally Salion, his black moustache moving crazily in the wind.

“Hmm, the air is close and looking back you will find the room we were previously sitting in, I heard his request and teleported us out,” Salion said.

“Nicely done then,” Robert said dryly. His face puckering with sarcasm. “I hate teleporting…” was what he muttered as he silently strode away, talking blindly to himself.

“We should keep moving before we’re attacked, those stubborn shadow Pokemon,” Lockheart said with anger building in his voice. He seemed like he knew that something was going to happen because as if he had jinxed them three Sneasels jumped out of the trees like shadows crowding victims yet to come, their glowing white claws glittering in the sun-setting sky. They stopped at a point to be surrounding the group of Pokemon.

“I hate you,” Robert said looking at Lockheart. The sumo Pokemon's eyes glittered gold as her heard the harsh words of dissapointment. But before things before anything the almost six hundred pound Pokemon looked back and then looked toward the Sneasel advancing on him. He dove head first into the Sneasel’s stomach and then turned and kicked him with his back leg, knocking him over, the Sneasel sputtered before falling to the floor nearly dead. He was certainly was a good fighter.

The Sneasel wasn't going to be taken out so easily though. With it's left claw it uppercutted towards the stringy jawline near Lockheart's eyes. Lockheart took the blow hard, he tumbled over rolling onto a pile of ripped grass. The huge Pokemon then thought of an idea. He built up water in his mouth, drops of it flying everywhere while some others fell back to their owners huge stomach. It was powerful, but with the major power he had to guess where the speed weasel was. Then all of a sudden there was a thud on the back of his head and before the water was ready to be released, it was thrown, a powerful wave of water overtook what was infront and blased it back into a dirt infested hill. The dirt flew everywhere covering the ground with what looked like soot.

“I have no strength against these, I must be left out, I will return when the time has been corrected,” Salion said then dissolved, into little bits of disoriented

“Wuss,” Robert muttered under his breath.

Another Sneasel took it's chances clawing at Gabby, it’s eyes glowed with red and black around the sides. Its retina’s had some serious work to get done. Its sharp claws were painted with shard red blood from its feast earlier in the day. Its punches were thrown faster and faster Gabby dodged every one easily, and as soon as it was tired out and stood still, Gabby stood firm sucked in and let out a strong Flamethrower attack. The heat was intense she could feel it as it left her mouth in a hurry to hit the shadow Pokemon. When the heat ended the Sneasel fell to the ground, Gabby wasn’t sure if it was dead or not but she decided to not take any chances and let out another one while it was down. It felt bad but it had to be done.

“Two down one to go,” Robert said and he ordered a Thunderbolt from inside his body, it left and hit Robert with tremendous speed and power, sparks flew everywhere. One almost hit Ruben who was on Lockheart’s head but it missed by centimeters.

Suddenly, Gabby heard a crack on her nearest jaw and she was sent flying. She hit a tree and slowly sunk down to the grass. Her last image in her head was the Kangaskhan standing tall in front of Lockheart and Robert as they’re jaws dropped. Then her eyes closed and she fell unconscious…

Lockheart closed his eyes and hoped for the best, their first client was right in front of them and the way it had knocked out Gabby, it could get pretty dangerous as well. The first to lunge out at the Kangaskhan was Robert who so unfortunately tripped and fell at Kangaskhan’s feet. The wild Pokemon punched down into the ground hoping to hit Robert but he managed to get away and while it pounded at the ground, tackled it. The hit almost missed but it hit the left center of the mad Kangaskhan’s stomach. Robert then noticed that there was no little baby Kangaskhan in it’s pouch, usually that would make it a male, but in this case almost anyone would understand that you can’t take a baby to fight.

Robert retreated back to its starting point and watched the Kangaskhan smoke out from the electricity. It waited for the Kangaskhan to start to stand again and then attacked with a Quick Attack. This time it didn’t go so smoothly. Kangaskhan saw it coming, it jumped to the side at the last moment and at the same time punched Robert in the face, and the attack was full throttle so it was quite a blow. Robert went flying to grass nearby and ended up making a ditch of dirt.

Sien saw this and had to react, she squawked and then Wing Attacked from the back, Kangaskhan had heard the squawked and fell flat when it was coming when the attacked missed Kangaskhan jumped up and the punched from behind and the bird fell straight into a branch that had a sharp point, it hit and then fell to the floor leaving only Lockheart and Ruben. At this point Ruben had retreated to a bush, making a plan.

Lockheart instinctively took a few steps back, which angered the Kangaskhan enough to make it charge, this is what Ruben wanted. He aimed and the shot a String Shot to the tree on the other side of the meadow. The Kangaskhan saw it, but it was too late. It was going to fast the line cut onto the foot and it tripped over rolling a few times. Lockheart was surprised, the Kangaskhan was now in his custody, and he just had to get it captured.

“Come over here Ruben, oh yeah, good job, that was outstanding,” commented Lockheart.

“Thanks, Lockheart,” Ruben said blushing, he wasn’t commented often.

“Now, I need you to make a web for Kangaskhan before he gets up, can you do that?” asked Lockheart, desperate for a yes.

“Well, yes but it could take awhile,” Ruben said.

“Then start! I’ll help the others,” Lockheart exclaimed as he ran to Sien, who was bleeding by getting hit in the chest with a sharp stick. Lockheart wasn’t a profession at wounds but he could help, he placed his hand on the Pidgeot’s chest and pumped water, it slowed the bleeding down, eventually to a stop. Sien’s eyes stayed closed but Lockheart could hear her breath.

Ruben was put under a lot of pressure he had to hurry finishing the wrap for Kangaskhan or else it could get away, or worse, kill them all. The web was sticky and stuck to almost any surface; it was also soft and nice to push your head against. The web was fueled by air put on top by air with some grass coating as well.

The next person that needed help was Gabby, her blow was pretty bad. Lockheart examined her jaw where she had been hit. The poor thing’s jaw was almost in two. One was slanted backwards and one front, one thing was sure, when she ate something it was going to hurt, unless something helped her jaw soon. There wasn’t much he could do for her until she woke up.

The web was almost completed and the battleground was a mess, grass was uprooted showing much dirt and filth. Finally after the last few meters of web it was all in a pile, now it needed to be put to shape.

“Over here! Lockheart!” Ruben shouted needing attention. Lockheart ran over to Ruben and immediately saw what needed to be done. He grabbed the webbings and tossed them over the Kangaskhan, he then spun around Kangaskhan to make a full cocoon out of him. But all the action caused the Kangaskhan to wake up startling the two Pokemon. Now the question was: Was the web strong enough to hold the Kangaskhan?
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Old 12-27-2007, 06:50 PM
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Default Re: Some dream [WWC]

-glomps story-

I got this one for ya, Dark Rider ^-^

Expect something either today or tomorrow....
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Old 12-28-2007, 07:05 AM
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Default Re: Some dream [WWC]

Story/Plot: Alright, so Gabby, a fifteen-year-old living in Rustboro City, is not the most extravagant individual one might come by. She leaves for school at the precise moment that she does every day, and after an uneventful day…the only remotely exciting thing being the random downfall of her friend in battling class, Gabby returns home. Instead of locking herself away to watch the television, as she always does, the girl goes outside to play with her Ninetails & returns later for a night filled with reading history books. When she finally falls asleep, a voice comes to her, seemingly in a dream, and tells her of a quest she has been chosen for. Gabby awakes as a Ninetails, meets a ragtag group of recently transformed children, and they all fight a gathering of Sneasel and Kangaskhan.

It was okay for the most part. While the beginning was very tedious and dull, which can be expected from such a boring girl, it picked up a bit once she entered the dream sequence. Although the whole “kid turns into a Pokémon” plot has been thought-up and done before, I still enjoy the transformation theme….because it takes a step away from the customary “child ventures into a forest and happens upon a Pokémon” type of thing which we see all too often around here.

I had a bit of trouble comprehending the story once Gabby fell asleep however. The part where the strange voice was contacting her was very confusing, as were Gabby’s thoughts and reaction toward it. I don’t really know what to say in accordance to the whole “shadow revolt” business….for you don’t give any background information as to what it actually is, or why Gabby has been chosen for such a task. The way she speaks with the voice gives a little knowledge that she has at least a vague idea about what is going on, and it would be better if you shared that knowledge with the reader.

Also, Gabby does not, at all, seem unnerved by the fact that she is suddenly transformed into a Ninetails, nor that she is abruptly thrust into some bizarre world in which four others seem to be waiting for her. The girl would at least have to take a second to sit down and think things through, perhaps try to awaken herself or something, but no, she automatically seems to know what to do and rushes into things. This verges a little on being unrealistic (in terms of human reaction).


Introduction: This was sufficient enough. You tell us where Gabby lives, a tiny bit about her & her parents’ past, and what she looks like. Yet, I don’t like the way in which you presented the information. You seem to just state everything about her within a paragraph or two, and it just seems as though you are quoting an excerpt from a role-playing signup. Instead of just saying “Gabby has long, silky black hair” at the beginning, you could incorporate it throughout the entire story, in her actions and such.

You could say: “Gabby leaned her lanky frame against the windowsill, her eyes impatiently flicking over the lustrous face of the old wristwatch, which coiled, as though a vicious Arbok, around her arm. A sudden shuffle rent the air, and turning upward to gaze at its source, Gabby’s extensive raven locks toppled from their customary perch atop her head.”

If you were to present the facts in a way such as this, it would seem more natural….not pushed down your throat as we see above.

Also, and this may have resulted just from lack of attention, you repeated three of the same paragraphs over and over again. Each recurs at least twice, just so you know.

Grammar/Spelling: I hate to say it, but this was awful. You have major issues with commas and such…. There were many, many, many instances in which you place one where a period or semicolon should be.

Quote:
“Right, that’s it, I’ve heard of them making earthquakes but they have to be taught the move by someone that already knows it, and they turn out to be pretty nasty things, and they are great fighters, no doubt that’s a reason we have to kidnap one and hold in until the battle is over, we need more of a stand,” Sien explained.
This was entirely too long. You should have ended the first sentence right after (it), instead of placing a comma. There also should be a comma after (earthquakes) since the initial simple sentence has ended. The (,and) should be removed and replaced with a period, as should the comma after (fighters) & the one after (over).

If an entire thought has been completed, you don’t want to stuff just a comma in there, nor just throw in another sentence entirely. You should just slow things down and place a period…

I didn’t see too many mistakes in spelling or capitalization, and the ones that I did notice were probably just careless errors, so I will not mention them particularly.

I did notice, though, that you (at the beginning) switched constantly from past to present tense. You need to find one and stick with it, otherwise it will be very confusing to the reader.

Length: You did well here. You didn’t just stop at the standard 30k and leave it at that, but instead lengthened the story to fit in the dead center of the outlined range. 35k is a good stopping point, but remember, you want to write and write until you get your point across.

Also, to make it easier for the grader to reference, please post what Pokémon and your number of characters either at the beginning or end of the story.

Detail/Description: There was virtually none. There were bits and pieces here and there in places that seemed to suit you, but we need it in practically every sentence & every thought…for we want to know exactly what is happening at all times.

Besides the initial explanation of Gabby, you do not, at all, tell what any of the other characters look like. Every person on earth is unique, and therefore we want you to tell us about them in order for us to visualize said person doing a certain action.

What did the surroundings look like? I wanted you to tell me about the school as Gabby entered it, were the lockers gleaming a prominent crimson, or were they plagued with years of insolent scrawling and graffiti? Be sure to tell anything and everything….NEVER EVER forget that.

One last thing, you fail to describe what the Pokemon look like. What if the reader had never seen or heard of creatures called Pokemon? How do you think they would react if you just say “the Pidgeot looked down at her”? They might visualize a dog, or cat, or even some mechanical device, because you don’t tell what it looks like. Even though everyone on the forum knows what Pokemon are and each one’s characteristics, you still are obligated for listing them.

Battle: This would be adequate for a Medium level Pokemon, but not for a Complex one. It was all over the place, and I could barely follow it. Once the group stepped out onto the plain (which seemed to materialize from nowhere), I was completely lost in a sea of confusion. The arrival of the Sneasel was totally strange, and it was waaayyyy too short. I know the Sneasel were not as strong as the children/Pokemon (excluding Ruben), but they could have withstood a bit more damage than what attack. With their impressive speed, they also would have been able to land at least one attack, but they didn’t. This was the same with the Kangaskhan battle. It came from nowhere, and had a very skimpy length.

The part that I didn’t like the most was that you failed to describe the attacks at all. You simply state that they power up and attack, without giving any description whatsoever to what it looks like or what happens afterward. Battles are perhaps the most critical section of a story, for they judge whether the Pokemon is captured or not….so they should be treated the most highly out of everything, and should tale the most time to plan and execute. NEVER rush one, for that can automatically result in failure.

Surprisingly, I did like the segment in which Ruben (the Caterpie) shoots a String Shot to trip the giant kangaroo creature. It was fairly amusing & purveyed the long-forgotten message that weak Pokemon can be just as useful as incredibly strong ones.

Outcome: I am sorry to say that this story isn’t up to the expectations set forth by the Complex category, and because of poor grammar, lack of detail, and skimpy battle, I have to say Kangaskhan not captured. I think it would take far too much work to revise everything, so I don’t recommend it. Please keep in mind everything that I have told you so that you will do well in your next capture attempt, for I would hate to see you fail again.

Although you didn’t make the capture, you are still allowed to enter this in the Winter Competition, just so you know. ^-^
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Old 12-29-2007, 10:25 PM
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Default Re: Some dream [WWC]

Unless there was a change to the rules only stories that end in a capture are allowed in the WWC. So I'm pretty sure you are mistaken in saying this is still allowed.

DR, you'll have to edit it and get a capture to enter.

~Isaiah
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[22:48] Zinata360: I got my avvie done
[22:49] Zinata360: May Norman, she'll eat your babies.
[22:49] TigerintheArk: Dude, that so fails. Doesn't fit at all.
[22:49] Zinata360: Fine, what should I make it say?
[22:49] Ultramr101: May Norman, she'll have your babies.
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Last edited by SiberianTiger; 12-29-2007 at 10:27 PM.
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Old 12-30-2007, 04:35 PM
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Default Re: Some dream [WWC]

Quote:
Originally Posted by SiberianTiger View Post
Unless there was a change to the rules only stories that end in a capture are allowed in the WWC. So I'm pretty sure you are mistaken in saying this is still allowed.

DR, you'll have to edit it and get a capture to enter.

~Isaiah
Don't worry, I was planning on that anyway.
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Old 01-23-2008, 12:37 AM
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Default Re: Some dream [WWC]

I told you I would regrade this, and I shall...

I think for the most part, this was a pretty good story. I liked the concept of the girl transforming into a Pokemon and being sent to another world, but something about it didn't really strike me as enough to capture a Complex category Pokemon. For one, the beginning needs a lot of work. It was very hard to keep reading through it because it was such an uneventful point in the story. While I understand that the girl lived a very dull and routine life, you can still write the story with good detail to turn something boring into something fun to read. You can use similes and descriptions to liven up the situation to make the reader enjoy it as well as understand the simplicity of Gabby's life.

Also, you introduced your main character as "Gabby Monrio" several times throughout the first post, and you may have been repetitive intentionally but there comes a time when it gets to be too much. I think a couple times is fine, but your reader won't forget her name after only a few sentences, so try to mix things up a bit and refer to her in different ways.

Most of my problems with this story resided within the first post. It lacked an immense amount of detail and seemed like you were almost spitting out random words to get through it onto the next part of your story. The tenses kept changing from past to present, so it was confusing to follow, and there was little to no details to make it a good read. I'm sorry to seem harsh in saying all of this, but Kangaskhan is a Complex category Pokemon, which means a very strong story is needed for a successful capture. I suggest going back and rereading your entire story and fixing everything you don't like, as well as adding in lots of detail, especially in the beginning where it is needed the most.

Don't get me wrong, this story was somewhat creative and pretty interesting, but not up until the point where you begin the second post. I like the idea very much, and I think that this story could work, but you need a more complex battle (meaning one that makes sense, is full of detail, originality, and is easy to follow) and definitely something more involved in the intro. Until then, I'm going to have to say Kangaskhan not captured.

Please don't be discouraged, this is a tough Pokemon to write for. I think you have the potential to do something great with this if you actually try. Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions about anything...
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Old 02-19-2008, 12:10 AM
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Default Re: Some Dream

I finally finished...

This story was interesting at the least to say. It had a good plot to it, though it was a bit of a drag in the beginning. You seemed to just want to get through it and want to get to the exciting part of the story, while that is okay, you shouldn’t rush through a story just to get it finished. You need to take your time and get everything nicely detailed and put together; the end of the story was a lot, lot better than the beginning. As Emma said you seemed to just throw random things out there to get into the second post/part of the story, the whole story needs to be detailed though. The beginning was bland and boring, like Emma said (again…) I know Gabby lived a boring and dull life and just did the same thing day and day after, but you can put some thought into it and make it fun and exciting to read through. Though, there were up sides to the first post, you introduced her nicely and I could partically picture what she looked like, once she turned into a Ninetales I could see what she looked like better since you'd spoke about those before.

Also, you seemed to use ‘Gabby’ a lot, which made it very easy to get lost seeing her name all over, you could describe her sometimes as she was in the story. But for the most part it was okay.

As Emma said (for the third time D:), most of the things I saw that bored this story down were in the first post; the second post seemed to be filled with life and excitement, but the first post was just a boredom factor and made this a boring story to read, I know a bit harsh, but this is a complex Pokemon and its story needs to be put nicely. The first post, as I’ve said, was dull and uneventful, but I’m guessing that maybe you were aiming for that so that the end of the story was like a “BAM!” kind of thing and made it all the more better. If not, then you should fix it up a lot more and make it better.

The second post/part I liked though, it seemed to bring Gabby to life and bring the story to life as well, it popped the story out and I could imagine things in my mind, not just some person walking around in a black and white movie throwing a Frisbee to her dog/cat/animal/pet. The second post definitely was good and eventful; it was a lot better than the first…

Eh, after reading through Emma and Bryce’s grade and the story of course, it seemed you’ve added a lot to it, I don’t know what it was like before, but it seems good enough for me for a complex Pokemon. :x Kangaskhan captured!

And sorry it took so long, DR. :x
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Old 02-19-2008, 12:25 AM
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Default Re: Some Dream

Well that took awhile...

Thanks for the re-re-grade anyway Jr. D:.
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