A boy named Antwan and his friend Kevin, go into the wilderness, look for a Rattata, and find one. Then they battle it, (the Charmander did nothing). Antwan beats it, but has lost all of his Pokeballs. So they take it to the Pokemon center, heal it, and re-battle it. It was far shorter, but I get that. D:
Simple. Which is alright for a 'Simple' Pokemon. xD :x In the future, try to stay away from the whole "Kid wanders away and finds a Pokemon" plot. It's been used to death. D:This one did have a bit of a spin on it, with the whole Pokemon center thing. That was good.
It was OK.
The intro needs to have a couple things. Dragons, Swords, and Explosions. J/k, :P.
So really, it needs to tell us, the five main Ws and the H. Who, what where, when, why, and hook. The How is the main story,so that shouldn't be in the intro.
We need to know:
- Who your main character(s) is.
- What kind of Pokemon he has, and what he is going to do.
- Where this story is taking place.
- When this story is taking place.
- Why (s)he is doing whatever he is going to do.
- And, the Hook to keep readers reading the rest of your story.
You had 3/6. The Who, What and Where.
It also usually has a description of what the main character looks like, but that will be addressed later.
Typos mainly. Remember to read through your stories once or twice, before you post them. I think you can catch them all, so I wont give any examples.
7.5k is right in the middle. Good. :D
You had barely any. Remember to describe EVERYTHING. The grass that you walked in Antwan, Grimer, Kevin, The Pokemon Center, Rattata, Pound attack, everything. Without descriptions, your stories are bland and boring. The reader wont be able to picture anything in his/her mind, making it much more confusing. Always assume your reader doesn't know what anything looks like, so you have to describe it all.
I don't have anything else to add here. =/
Everything seemed happen-ible/real enough. So this part is fine.
Again you lacked description. I didn't know what any attack looked like. Saying something like "Gunk Shot Hit" tells me nothing. What did Gunk Shot look like? An explosion of electricity? A steady stream of black and blue sludge? An ray of Psychic energy? Honestly I have no clue what that attack was, other than it was Poison typed, so I was completely lost. D: Thats never good. Ever.
The first battle was two sided, which is very good. The second wasn't bu I understand that, as it just got out of the hospital, so this was fine..
This was a good story, other than the lack of detail. Since there was absolutely none, I'm gonna say Rattata Not Captured!!
If you add some detail I'll give it to you. Describe the Pokemon, Antwan, and the Attacks first, and then work on the surroundings. If you do that, you can have them. They don't have to be stellar, but just enough so I can see what Is going on in my mind. D: