Member List
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

Thread Tools
Old 03-23-2008, 09:56 AM
Fire Away's Avatar
Fire Away Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 4)
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,768
Default Breathe

This is a little violent. Nothing especially gory, but I figured I should mention it.


Is this a dream?

The air around me was moist, and I smelled a stale, dank sort of odor. There weren’t any sounds. My eyelids felt heavy, and my limbs immobile. I wasn’t sure how I had gotten there.

Open your eyes, young one.

An imposing voice echoed through my head. I was frightened, but somewhat relieved that there was someone else near me. I did as the voice told me and opened my eyes.

I was laying in the greenest, most lush grass I’d ever seen. Tall, wispy strands waved to me, as if they were greeters in some foreign land. Their pleasant, beautiful appearance was a sharp contrast to the eerie feeling my surroundings gave me. It seemed like I was in some kind of bountiful field. As I rose to my feet, it became apparent that it was anything but.

My eyes met with tombstones. Rows and rows and rows of tombstones. Each was inscribed with text I could not read, as if it was some language foreign to me. I wasn’t sure if I saw an end to the stones -- they seemed to go on for an eternity. The sight sent a chill up my spine that radiated to every inch of my body.

Mortified, I turned quickly to run, only to be met with an even more terrifying sight.

Before me stood a massive, hulking creature. It dwarfed me to a point where I had to take several steps back to get a proper view of it. From its silver back came wings as black as the night sky, tipped with conical, blood red objects. Six legs supported its large frame, each banded with golden rings. Its long body had stripes, the same color as the decorations that accented his wings, with three golden bands akin to the ones on his legs. Its head was flaxen color, and was almost crown-like in its shape. His face was too shrouded in shadows to see. Only deep red eyes glowed through the blackness.

Its presence was both intimidating and beautiful in a grotesque way.

I wanted to run, but my legs felt anchored to the ground, as if being held by some ethereal force.

Fear me not. I mean you no harm.

The same voice I had heard previously was echoing in my head once more. This was the creature who had spoken to my earlier.

“Who are you?” I asked, my voice timid and meek.

I do not go by names and titles like members of your world. I am beyond that. There are those in your realm who have dubbed me Giratina. If that is what you would call me, you may.

My world? Realm? I was confused. Apparently Giratina noticed my puzzled expression, as he continued on.

I am the ruler and guardian of this realm, and you are its newest arrival.

“What? I don’t -- …Where am I?” This was alarming to me. This graveyard or whatever it was didn’t feel right.

This, young Pokemon, is the Land of The Dead. You have joined its inhabitants.

To say that I was confused would’ve been a large understatement. I couldn’t be dead! I didn’t feel dead! …Then again, I wasn’t sure if I felt especially alive either. Giratina must have noticed the expression on my face, as his booming voice again resonated through my mind.

Tell me…what can you remember about yourself?

That was an odd question. However, since he brought it up, I tried to remember something. Anything. A name, a face…but nothing came up. “I don’t remember me.” I was troubled. I felt positive that I had done something before this moment, been somewhere before this graveyard. It was disturbing to think that those memories were lost.

This often happens when one crosses over. As beings of your realm leave their physical bodies, they leave their minds as well. It is my task to help you recover these memories, so that you can make the choice ahead.

“The choice ahead? What does that mean?”

We will come to that in time. If you wish to recall who you once were, step forward now.

I was full of a million other questions. However, I figured that doing as this beast told me would answer many of them. I did as I was told, and looked upwards. His large wings extended outwards, and the ruby objects that decorated them glowed intensely. He locked eyes with me, and his eyes glimmered with fierce intensity. There was a flash of light.

Last edited by Fire Away; 03-29-2009 at 08:30 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 03-23-2008, 09:56 AM
Fire Away's Avatar
Fire Away Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 4)
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,768
Default Re: Breathe

The sun was bright, and the sky above Eterna Forest was a stunning azure color. The sound of rustling leaves was heard as a gentle breeze passed through. The fresh, soothing scent of flowers swirled in the air. All was well.

A precocious young woman, clad in a seafoam windbreaker and striped ivory track pants with a driven look on her face was barking orders at a Pokémon. Across the front of the jacket was the label “Kaitie”, indicating her name. Her long, chestnut hair was pulled back into a ponytail that seemed to bounce with every word. The small clearing she had chosen as their training area filled with the sounds of her airy but demanding voice.

“Come on, Luna! You’ve got to learn this attack if we want a shot at beating Gardenia’s Roserade! Use Psychic!”

An Umbreon, growing visibly frustrated with her trainer made a small grunting noise before turning towards the rock she had been trying to move for an hour. Her small, charcoal body tensed as she focused on the stone, and log, rabbit-like ears righted themselves. A look of intense concentration appeared on the Moon Pokémon’s face, and…

Nothing happened. Not even a wiggle.

The Umbreon’s body relaxed once more and stared at the stone solemnly, clearly disappointed. Her head turned as she heard her trainer speak up.

“Ugh, forget it.” The girl turned away from her Pokémon and sighed. “Maybe I’ll have to catch a new Pokemon to take on Gardenia’s gym…”

After trying so hard to please her trainer, it hurt Luna to be spoken to that way. Pain turned quickly to anger, and she let out a low growl as the opal circles on her body glowed. The stone nearby was surrounded with a sapphire energy. It levitated off the ground and paused in mid-air, before flying into the back of the girl as she was walking away.

Shocked and clearly upset, the auburn haired trainer turned around and sent a look that could’ve cooled off a wild Stantler in mating season. “Luna!” she cried, stomping towards the Pokémon, pulling out her Pokéball and enlarging it as she did so. “How dare you! I’m your trainer! You never disrespect me like that! Never! Return-”

Before she could give the command, the thunderous sound of gunfire rang through the forest. The leaves shook as birds soared away in fright. Trainer and Pokémon locked eyes, temporarily forgetting their troubles, and dashed in unison into the trees.

“I think the gunshot came from the south. If we head north we‘ll be at a dead end, we have to head to the east to get out of here!”

Luna ran with her trainer, kicking up dirt and pebbles behind her. The anger and sadness she had felt earlier was now replaced with an instinctive fear and desire to protect her trainer. Her feet pounded into the ground beneath her as she kept pace.

“I think the road is ahead,” Kaitie said between breaths. “We can get to a Pokécenter and tell someone what happened.”

As they neared the path, a low rumbling noise made them stop. Kaitie put her finger to her lips and locked eyes with the Umbreon, signaling that it should stay silent. They crouched behind a bush as a jeep rattled near them and stopped.

“Ugh…I can’t keep this thing still Naomi! We’ve gotta ditch it!”

The jeep screeched to the halt, and a woman with vibrant red hair turn and snarled at the man in the back.

“Then get rid of it! We don’t have much time until the cops get here!”

From the jeep stepped a tall and imposing man. He was wearing camouflage pants and a black wife beater. There was a frustrated look on his haggard face, as he struggled to hold a white Pokémon in his arms who was thrashing wildly.

“Zangoose!” came the cry, identifying the Pokémon for the trainer in the bushes. Blood was spattered across his face and body, matting his fur into crimson clumps. The man released the struggling Pokémon from his grasp, apparently fed up with the resistance he was receiving.. As a final act of retaliation, the Pokémon struck the main with his long claw before dashing off into the forest in the direction of where the stealthy trainer and her Pokémon were hidden.

While the Pokémon itself didn’t reveal their hiding spot, it bumped into Kaitie as it made its escape. Her balance was thrown off, and she wobbled dangerously for a few moments before finally falling backwards, snapping a twig as she did so.

For a few moments, it felt as if time had stopped. Luna could not hear the wind passing through. She could not feel the ground beneath her feet. It was as if terror had sucked her into a vacuous, empty realm, no longer of sight and feeling.

The man, who was cursing loudly, turned towards the direction of the sound, alerted to their presence.

“Naomi, something’s in the bushes!” he shouted, motioning towards the noise. Kaitie and Luna laid still, daring not even to breathe.

“Jesus, we don’t have time for this, Keith. Just leave it!”

“Shut up,” the man replied curtly. From his back, he pulled a rifle that had been hanging on a brown, leather strap. With the steady hand of an extraordinarily practiced marksman, he aimed.

As his finger began to pull the trigger of his weapon, an obsidian bullet fired from the shrubbery and collided with the assailant, knocking the firearm from his hands and sending it several feet away. Luna was staring her opponent down bravely. Kaitie had righted herself as well, and seemed to be channeling the courage Luna was displaying. The adrenaline coursing through their veins gave them the strength, and perhaps the stupidity to face this clearly dangerous pair.

“Are you kidding?” The woman in the jeep, Naomi, was clearly frustrated. “Keith, hurry the hell up! We have to get out of here!”

Although her male partner was visibly annoyed with her yelling, he apparently understood the urgency of the situation as well as she did. In a flash, a bird Pokémon appeared.

“Pidgeot!” came the fowl’s cry, its shriek cutting through the spring air and announcing its presence.

The man sneered at his opponents, and his gravelly voice gave the command to his partner, “Pidgeot, use Gust!”

The red-plumed Pokémon gave a cry, and obediently began rapidly flapping its wings. A circular wind picked up around them, and leaves, stones, and other forms of debris were picked up. The Pidgeot paused for a moment and gave one more staccato flap to send the miniature-tornado towards the Umbreon.

Reacting quickly, Kaitie shouted out her own command in reaction to the attack. “Quick Attack!”

Luna paused for a split second to gather energy, and bolted forward in a flash, her own speed outdoing that that had been produced by the whirlwind. She passed through the cyclone effortlessly and smashed into the flying assailant. The force of the attack sent Luna’s opponent into a tree, a thud echoing the force of the strike.

Surprised by the prowess of the moon Pokémon, Keith let out a low growl and sounded a retreat. “Pidgeot! Fly into the trees!”

Reflexively, Kaitie shouted her next command with a grin. “Pursuit!”

Luna crouched into a jumping position and kicked off from the ground. She reached the Pidgeot as it was making its ascent and latched onto its leg with her teeth. A cry of pain came from her opponent, but Luna didn’t let up. The Pidgeot’s breathing became harsh and broken as it tried desperately to both shake the dark Pokémon loose and continue it’s climb into the protection the forest would provide. Luna gathered her strength, and even against the opponent’s struggle to ascend, jerked her head violently to the side. This painful movement caused the Pidgeot to stop flapping altogether. The heaviness of the bird Pokémon made it so that he was below Luna, and she took her teeth off of the bird’s leg and let it fall back to the ground.

Landing gracefully, Luna moved to her trainer’s side and let out a satisfied bark.

“You idiot!” The tall man had an irritated look on his face, and he scoffed at his Pokémon’s position. “Stop being so useless! Get up and fight!”

Pidgeot was on the ground, heaving tired breaths. As his trainer shouted at him though, a determined look crossed his face. He righted his self, and kicked off from the ground once more, levitating in the air. It was unclear what motivated him more: The fact that his trainer was disappointed in him, or his desire to prove that he wasn’t as weak as he seemed. Either way, it was ready to fight once more.

In spite of the fact that he was their attacker, Kaitie felt sympathy for the creature. She decided shewould end the battle without having to destroy it. “Tackle, Luna!”

Although somewhat confused, the Umbreon obeyed her trainer. She began a charge towards her opponent, and leapt into the air to strike it.

“Hah, what a joke. Aerial Ace!”

The bird Pokémon made an extremely fast ascension upwards, evading the Umbreon’s attack. Luna was surprised, but managed to shakily land on her feet. Her eyes darted back and forth, looking for her winged foe.

A flash of beige and red feather zoomed passed Luna like a bullet and struck her in the side, his beak cutting a fairly deep gash. Letting out a low howl of pain, her eyes finally found the Pidgeot, hovering menacingly over her.

Alarmed, Kaitie called out to her partner. “Luna! Are you okay?”

Quickly turning her head, the sable Pokémon gave a nod to her trainer. Bravely, she wobbled to her feet, her side burning with pain.

Cackling, Keith gave the final order. “Giga Impact!”

The Pidgeot flew several feet backwards and began preparing its attack.

“No! Luna, use Protect!”

Luna struggled to gather the energy to create the shield. Beads of perspiration dropped down her face as a thin blue wall formed in front of her. While she did this, the Pidgeot launched itself forward, and was corkscrewing towards her at an extremely fast rate, wisps of raw energy surrounding him. The force of his attack shattered the shield. Pidgeot slammed into Luna with immense force. The momentum the bird had gained sent them flying until they rammed into a tree, a grotesque snapping noise confirming that serious damage had been done.

“That’s more like it! Pidgeot, return!”

Kaitie was mortified, and rushed to the side of her Pokémon, tentatively touching her wounds. “It’ll be okay…we’ll go to the Pokécenter…you’ll be fine…”

In her hysteria, Kaitie had failed to notice that Keith had drawn a revolver, and had it aimed for her head.

Luna gathered the last vestiges of her strength and leapt at the man, attaching herself to the barrel of the gun and thrashing furiously. All of a sudden, what felt like a white hot fireball was ripping through her insides, destroying everything in its path. The bullet exited and disappeared into the forest, not before splashing blood across Kaitie’s face.

For Kaitie, the world seemed to completely stop. The only thing that broke through her senses was the wail of police sirens in the distance.

Cursing, the man gave one final glare at the trainer and leapt into the jeep, he and his female partner speeding off through the woods.

The auburn-haired trainer crawled towards the moon Pokémon, tears flowing from her face. “Luna,” she muttered, her voice breaking with sadness. “Luna, wake up…you have to wake up…”

Last edited by Fire Away; 11-30-2008 at 01:41 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2008, 05:33 AM
Fire Away's Avatar
Fire Away Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 4)
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,768
Default Re: Breathe

In a flash, I was back at the graveyard.

“I remember…”I whispered, in disbelief at what I had just witnessed. “I remember me.”

A flurry of emotions swirled on my insides. So many thoughts were racing in my mind I was afraid they might burst out. A horrible feeling of anger and sadness twisted up inside me. I wanted to scream. Instead, I simply sobbed.

You were an Umbreon. An Umbreon with many years of companionship and training ahead of you. Your life was stolen unfairly. As such, I am giving you a choice not many beings in your position receive.

It took me several minutes to gain composure. I let out one more shuddering cry before I began to reply to his remark. “Yes…you were talking about a choice earlier…what do you mean?”

I am giving you a chance to reincarnate yourself. To be reborn once more. However, your body has been ruined by your attackers. As such, if you choose to accept, you will be given a new form. The body of a Ghost Pokémon. You will be given a chance at revenge. If you choose not to accept, your spirit will transcend to The Paradise.

I didn’t need much convincing. Not even the curiousity about The Paradise lingering in the back of my mind stopped me. “I want to return,” I said. “I want to make those responsible for my death pay…please. Send me back.”

…and so your choice is made. I will send you near where your enemies have made their camp. From there, you are free to do as you please.

Giratina’s eyes glowed brightly, and a mysterious swirling vortex appeared in front of him.

Enter through here. You will gain your new form and reenter your old world.

I nodded, and stepped towards it. “Thank you, Giratina.”

It is nothing. Farewell, Luna. Good luck.

Anxiousness washed over me as I stared into the portal. There was no turning back now. I shut my eyes, stepped forward, and leaped.

In an instant, I was back. Where, I wasn’t completely sure…but I was back. I cast my eyes upward, and they were met with the sight of the moon, as full and beautiful as it had ever been. Taking a moment to observe my surroundings, I spotted a small pond nearby. I moved, or rather, floated, to the water’s edge to get a look at myself.

Staring back at me was a noxious purple ball of gas…I had come back to life as a Gastly. While I wasn’t completely sure how I felt about this, there would be time to sort out my feelings on my new life later. Now, there was only one task at hand.

I spent some time figuring out how flying worked. It all felt very intuitive -- as if I had been a Gastly my whole life.

Once I felt sufficiently adjusted, I floated upwards, my mind focused on one thing and one thing only -- retribution against those who had killed me. Giratina had said I would be close to the place where Keith had made camp, so I began scouting from the sky. A cool breeze passed, blowing wispy purple trails that I seemed to exude into the wind. I felt so light I was afraid I would accidentally get blown away by the wind. Somehow though, I managed to push ahead.

My eyes scoured the ground as I flew overhead, looking for those who had wronged me. It seemed as if I would never find them, when in the distance, I caught sight of the crimson plume of a Pidgeot. I knew what I had to do. There would be no more tears. No more doubts. Only vengeance.

Following the Pidgeot, I made sure I stayed far enough away that he wouldn’t notice me. I pursued him for a few miles before he touched back down to the ground.

He had led me to a small clearing that was surrounded by trees. It looks very similar to the place where we had had our first fatal encounter. Keith was alone. I wasn’t sure where his partner, Naomi had went, but I knew that it meant I had one less thing to worry about. I descended into the trees, relying on the shroud of darkness and leaves to hide me from his vision. He was muttering something to his self and was wandering around the camp, taking care of various odds and ends and setting up the area. The more I looked at his smug, idiotic face, the more I hated him. I felt anger spread to every inch of my body. My hatred manifested itself in the form of a shadowy black blob that was swirling in front of me. Instinctively, I launched it towards him, recognizing it as my own signature attack.

The Shadow Ball nailed Keith in the back, causing him to fall to his knees and let out a cry of pain. When he turned around, I was facing him, a challenging look on my face.

“What the…” He was clearly confused by my sudden attack, but I didn’t care. Adrenaline was coursing through me, and the intensity of situation made me feel extremely bold. Keith grabbed a Pokéball from his belt and tossed it, and out popped a small, scorpion-like Pokémon.

“Skorupi?” said the Pokémon inquisitively. It was apparently as puzzled as its trainer was at the sudden ambush. Nonetheless, it turned, ready to face me.

“Swords Dance!” ordered Keith.

An intense look of concentration crossed Skorupi’s face. Moments later, bright blue blades of energy appeared in a circle around him, moving around erratically and seemingly imbuing him with power. I made sure he wouldn’t get a chance to use it.

My eyes focused on my target, and a small, purple orb projected itself outwards. It moved around in various odd patterns, zig-zagging and hooking around towards the enemy. As it hit, Skorupi’s previously determined face became disoriented, and his eyes rapidly darting back and forth indicated this his vision was somewhat blurred. The Confuse Ray had worked.

I approached him, moving in an erratic way not unlike the attack I had just sent. He couldn't hurt me if he couldn't hit me.

“Skorupi, use Dark Pulse!” Keith commanded, apparently having not noted the confused Pokémon’s struggle to concentrate.

Doing as it was commanded, Skorupi let out a cry, and purple rays of energy spiraled outward from its body, the force at which it had launched them sending it stumbling back slightly. Fortunately for me, he was several feet off the mark, sending the rays hurdling harmlessly into a tree, knocking several leaves and small twigs loose.

Finally reaching Skorupi, I extended my tongue and dragged it across Skorupi’s back. A trail of ectoplasmic drool was left, its dark energy stunning the Skorupi, reducing it to a shuddering heap.

I circled back to the front to face my opponent again, and began charging my Shadow Ball, ready to put an end to the battle. Responding to this, Keith growled and yelled, “Skorupi! Use Shadow Ball right back at it!”

Somehow, in spite of the shock the Lick attack and through the fog of Confusion, it managed to right itself and charge its own black ball of energy. The air was thick with the tension of the situation, and as both projectiles launched at their respective opponents, they collided, causing a large explosion of ghostly energy to burst in the area. A purple wave of power came from both ends of the collision and sent me hurdling backwards and onto the ground. I felt immensely drained. I struggled to levitate back upwards, but as I did, Skorupi was crawling towards me, its sharp and pointed fangs bared.

“Skorupi, use Crunch!”

A pair of sharp teeth dug into me. The pain was immense, and I was afraid I would pass out before I got a chance to retaliate. I struggled to get loose from his jaws, but to no avail. He had me in his trap.

There was no way I could already die again…I had just gotten back…

“Skorupi, let go!”

Needless to say, I was confused. My limited experience with the man had told me that he was not the type for sympathy.

“I’ve been looking for a Gastly…and you seem to be a strong one. You’re coming with me!”

Before I knew it, I was being sucked into a Pokéball. No! I would never serve him! I could never serve him!

This couldn’t be happening!


Final Character Count: 23130
Going for: Gastly

this is going to fail. :/


Last edited by Fire Away; 11-30-2008 at 01:54 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2008, 05:35 AM
The Jr Trainer's Avatar
The Jr Trainer Offline
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 8,426
Send a message via AIM to The Jr Trainer Send a message via MSN to The Jr Trainer Send a message via Yahoo to The Jr Trainer Send a message via Skype™ to The Jr Trainer
Default Re: Breathe

A Pokemon talks the a legendary Pokemon about how they're dead and sits in another dimension. Then a flash back of how the Pokemon died comes into play and the Umbreon that was shot and killed by a group of criminals gets a chance to go back into the 'real world,' but in the form of a Gastly and try to get revenge on its killer. The newly-reborned Gastly attacks its killed, Keith, then battle his Pokemon. Umbreon is only found to be beaten once again in a battle.

This was quite the interesting story, nothing like I've read before. The whole 'Pokemon getting killed, then coming back to life' isn't used really... at all. Much of the time its the human, but this time I'm glad to see something different; making them come back to life is just about as cool as a sci-i movie, it really makes the story more interesting and not just 'goes into forest' cap that's seen a lot. It may've taken place in a forest but it defintaly was better than any of those kind of stories, kudos to you for making an interesting a fun plot to read, since some stories are just made up of descrption and not much of a 'get to the point' kind of thing. ^^;

After reading this I could really feel how the Umbreon was feeling, the mood of the story effected how uou coudl understand it and made you feel for Umbreon and its trainer, not going like 'k, that was cool, I get it' but you really felt how the people in-story felt... and that just happens to turn out to be a good thing! XD Making the readers feel how you feel when writing it, or the insiders (people in the story, whatever :P) are feeling when typing/being in the story. Make sure you have this in your future stories, some stories get a bit blant and boring without something like this in it. D:

Yes, very good. I've never really read anything like this; the only thing I could see being changed would make there be more backbone to the story. Maybe why Girantina wants to send Umbreon back, maybe he was an old partner of Keith but Keither harmed him. Those little things make it so people don't have to wonder about anything when they go into the story very deeply. :D

Good, good, good.

Like I said up there, maybe a bit more backbone to the story would make this a bit more believable, just maybe. But for the most part the beginning of the story really got me into this. Not only did I want to keep reading, I couldn't not stop reading. My brain just enjoyed the beginning so much it couldn't stop reading this. That, what I just said, is what you want to do, make them not want to stop reading, not want to continue but to have to read it. Making them want to read it works; leveling up to the next bar though, makes them have to read it. That's how I really felt when I read those first few paragraphs of your story.

Backbone, something as said up there in the first section, you could use more of it. Some kind of myster that shrouds Giratina from being so nice to such a Pokemon that died. Maybe Giratina once had a trainer that was killed, something like that. Make it so there is a reason to things in the story happening not just some random stuff here and there, but make it make sense and draw the reader into it.

What can I say, this was pretty much flawless. Only mistake I saw was that you missed a space in between two words, but that's really nothing in a story of this large size. Goob job here! :D Keep up the good work. Remember to check over you story when you're done for those little mistakes. ;)

Good enough to. You made it just about to the middle of the given characters that you want to have. :D Remember, you want quality > quantity; some jibberish that is 500k isn't going to get you anywhere and lucky for you, this was about 500x better than jibberish. XD

Fantasic. That is what I am going to call your description from now on, fantastic. You didn't miss anything, you didn't have too much or too little; just perfect. Though remember you don't have to find 100 names to call one thing, I know you were worrying about that. If you're a little reduntant with names and descriptions at time, oh well. Just make some other good description in another part of the story. Reduntant things cannot be helped, sometimes you just run out of ideas and have to move on by using something simple or just using the name of the creature/Pokemon/plant/human/whatever you're writing about at that time.

You did on the other hand, have good detail about those little small things in the sorry such as the rocks and the leaves that surrounded the forest and whatnot. That is very good. My favorite description that you used has got to be this...
All of a sudden, what felt like a white hot fireball was ripping through her insides, destroying everything in its path.
I felt the pain that shot through Umbreon, how you said it made it almost as if it was happening to the person that was reading it, which is very good. You want them to feel what the in-story-people are feeling. Pain, happiness, anger. What are they feeling and how do you want to make it real? Think about that sometimes, it can really make something very pop-out.

Just good enough really. I could see it being a bit longer being for a Gastly and all, but you did be creative and used moves that not many people used before. Confuse Ray and Swords Dance point out the most, no one really uses things like that they usually just use things like Crunch, Earthquake, Slash, etc. Those boring moves that everyone uses. You though, made it interesting and used moves that I couldn't really see many people using in stories. Things like that, surprising the grader, make the story all the more better. All the more of a good read. The attacks were well described, just about to your best ability.

Now, you may want to use the surrounds a bit more, but since this was in a flat place, I understand the idea of the battle.

Final Outcome:
This was pretty damn good, I find myself saying that a lot of stories. But really, you made this exciting, eye drawing, mind drawing. Everything was up to par and made me excited to read. And you're going to be excited too...

Gastly... captured!

Have fun with the ghost! :D

Last edited by The Jr Trainer; 05-27-2008 at 12:22 AM.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 04:06 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: