Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #46  
Old 06-18-2008, 10:30 PM
Phantom Kat's Avatar
Phantom Kat Offline
¡Con ganas!
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: In my strretchy pants
Posts: 5,018
Send a message via AIM to Phantom Kat Send a message via MSN to Phantom Kat
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Okay, this grade is going be a bit harsher because the capture is more difficult than your last.

Plot: Johnny and Max enter a tournament. After a few battles, they meet up with an old friend, Clayton. Meanwhile, a girl named Rocio Cyrus is trying to win the tournament so that she can join the Red Gyarados Gang. After a few more battles, Johnny sees Rocio in the room with the prize Pokemon, and he follows her to the alley of the gang. There, Elekid gets poisoned, and he takes him to the Pokemon Center. The next day, he sees the Red Gyarados Gang stealing the Pokemon and framing Rocio. However, Rocio and Johnny stop them and get them arrested. After a grueling 6 vs. 6, Johnny wins the Pokemon. However, the Pokemon escape and Johnny and Rocio set out to catch them.

Overall, the whole plot is interesting with Johnny trying to win the tournament but getting tangles up with Rocio and the Red Gyarados Gang. However, the story itself didn’t really catch my attention for a numerous reasons. First of all, this is a tournament so I knew there were going to be numerous battles in the story, but my problem here is that for most of the story, it just seemed like one battle happened after another battle with practically nothing happening in between. It isn’t completely true because there were moments like Rocio going up to the gang, but those parts were so short and dry (well get into detail about that later) that it felt like the battles dominated the whole story. Either you should have cut down on the battles or made the things in between the battles longer and more meaningful.

Second of all is the way Rocio fit into the whole story. When you told me about this idea through PM, I really liked it: girl wants to be part of the gang, she needs win the tournament to be part of it, and later, the gang backstabs her. At the beginning, Rocio was a mystery, we knew she wanted to be part of the gang, but at the same time, we didn’t know who in the world she was. I was expecting you to elaborate on her later on, but you didn’t. I have no idea as to why Rocio wanted to join the gang, where she came from, what’s her history, how she met the gang, etc. She did mention that it may have been because she was alone in the world, but you didn’t elaborate on that, and that phrase can mean many things. Maybe she was an orphan, maybe she’s a run away, maybe she was abandoned, etc. Because Rocio was such a mystery throughout the whole story (not only her history but her emotions and what she was feeling throughout the story were a mystery), it really did seem as though the story was nothing but one battle after the other.

Overall, the plot itself was a good idea, but the way you wrote it seem like just any other tournament story with a few distractions here and there with the gang. Next time, don’t concentrate so much on the battles but more on the characters themselves and the ordeals they are facing because that‘s the true “meat“ on your story.

Introduction: Well, I can’t say much since this was a continuation. You did add recaps from your past stories, which is good for graders that may have not read your past catures. You somewhat described Johnny and Max which is always good because I certainly forgot what they looked like. I would have been good for you to describe where Johnny as again, but it’s not much to worry about.


Grammar/Spelling: I can tell you proofread this because there weren’t any glaring grammar or spelling msitakes that I saw. However, I still saw many typos, mostly missing commas.

Quote:
Well, Johnny’s my friend, and I’ve been traveling with him for a while.
Quote:
“Wait for me!” yelled Johnny, as he shoes pounded on the dirt.
Should be “his”.

Quote:
It had two antennae and a pincer like mouth.
Whenever you have a description that has “like”, you need a hyphen. So it should be “pincer-like”.

Quote:
“Are you ok, Charmander?” asked Johnny.
Missing comma. This mistake was repeated throughout your WHOLE story, so, please, watch out for that in the future.

Quote:
As Johnny walked into the water Pokemon section of the stands, he saw that a battle had just finished, just as he was sitting in a seat in the shape of a starfish.
You don’t need the comma.

Quote:
Johnny and Max walked onto the arena floor along with sixty-two other participants.
Just pointing it that it’s supposed to be “sixty-four”, not sixty-two.

Quote:
“What’s the prize, Sam?” asked the brown-haired girl.
Again, missing comma.

Quote:
Johnny returned his Starly and threw his next Pokeball in the air, and his mudfish Pokemon emerged from the Pokeball.
Once again, you need a comma.

Quote:
This attack was super-effective because it was a grass-type move.
It’s not a mistake, but please refrain from adding this kind of information in the middle of the battle. It completely disrupts the flow, and you don’t need it.

Quote:
“I’m so relieved that the battle is over. I was panicking about it the whole time. If it weren’t for Grass Knot, I would’ve been a goner,” thought Max.
In the future, italicized all characters’ thoughts. When you put them like this, I don’t know they were thinking it and not saying it aloud until the end of the dialogue.

Quote:
“That’s pretty cool. Congratulations,” said Johnny.
This is not a complete sentence, so it should be connected to the last sentence with a comma.

Quote:
Marshtomp tried to dodge, but was hit in the stomach.
Missing the “to”.

Quote:
Machoke got even angrier and began concentrating more on his attack and the beam slowly inched forward.
Sometimes you did this. When you say “Machoke”, you are telling us that “Machoke” is his name, when, in fact, his name is “Ortiz”. When you want to mention the species of oa Pokemon, put “the” in front of the species name like “the Machoke”.

Most of your mistakes were simply missing commas, so all I can say is proofread a lot more carefully.

Length: 95K, that’s quite a lot and over the max. But most of it were battles, and little of it was actual plot development. Good length can help you, but it’s always quality > quantity.

Description/Detail: Well, this section was good throughout the story, maybe just bland at times. I am going to nitpick at this, though. First of all, throughout the entire story, you referred to all of your characters (maybe except Clayton) by the color of their hair. It was “the black-haired youth”, the “brown-haired girl”, etc, and it got really boring really fast. There is more to a character than their hair, and you should mention that in your story. You didn’t described Rocio other than her hair and the same goes for Johnny and Max. Expand on the description of your characters. Their eyes, their skin, their clothes, the way they carried themselves. Was Rocio wearing torn up blue jeans and a red shirt much too big for her. Was their an air of confidence when she stepped up to the field, or was she shaking from head to toe? Go more into detail about them, they are the main characters and not just person in the story.

Second of all was the color words you used in your description. It was “blue, red, green, brown, gray”, etc, which grew old fast, and made your descriptions boring. Mix it up, there is more than one word for color. Red can be “ruby, scarlet, blood-red, garnet”, blue can be “azure, cerulean, china-blue, sapphire”, green can be “jade, emerald, moss, pea-green”. Use these words and other that you can think off, choose as many different ones as you can, avoid using the same word more than once throughout the story (it may not be possible, but it will prevent you from using the word so much it become boring). So use “green” in one paragraph, use “emerald” in the next, and so on. By doing this, you’ll add life to descriptions instead of making them tedious to read.

Battle: There were plenty of these throughout your story. Before I get to the last battle, I want to point out that throughout every battle, it seemed as though the Pokemon were battling by themselves, the trainers hardly called out commands except in the beginning. They are trainers’ Pokemon, trainers call out the shots. Sure, Pokemon can dodge or jump out of the way without someone telling them to, but don’t just call out an attack and let the Pokemn handle the battle for the next half post.

Okay, the last battle was WAY too short for all four Pokemon, a battle that size looks more like a battle for a single Medium Pokemon. It was rather disappointing after the many lengthy battles before. With the Nincada, even though the Nincada clawed at their opponents, it seemed as though Chimchar and Charmander didn’t feel a thing; it seemed as though the bugs weren’t doing any damage at all. I also don’t like the fact that both attacked at the same and fell at the same time, it didn’t really seem as though two Pokemon were battling. In all likelihood, two wild Pokemon would not act in sync like these two did. For Bronzor and Milktank, it was longer but still too short for them; Milktank only used one Rollout before she was overpowered and the same thing with Bronzor with Gyro Ball. Plus, all of those trainers’ Pokemon just participated in a grueling 6 vs. 6 where all of them except Charmander were knocked out, they would surely have a trouble facing off four, unscathed, Pokemon. I‘m not even sure they would have enough energy to battle at all. =/

The thing is, it just seemed like one attack after the other with hardly anything in between. For a battle for two Simple Pokemon, one Medium, and one Hard, the battle should be the length of Chapter 14 plus a little bit more. Which means not adding more attacks, but expanding on the overall description of the battle. The reactions of each Pokemon and the usage of the surroundings is something you did not include in your battle.

Outcome: Now, I had to think about this. On one hand, this was a pretty lengthy story with good description, but at the same time, the story itself seemed more of one battle after the other with Rocio and the gang seeming more like a distraction and not actually part of a bigger plot. The rest of the battles were well done, but the last battles with the Pokemon you’re aiming for simply paled in comparison. For now, I’m going to say: Nincada x2 and Bronzor captured, but Milktank not captured! If you want the cow, there are several things you need to do. First of all, flesh out Rocio by a lot because, right now, I know nothing about her. Really tell us about her so that we actually grow attached to her and her predicament; it’s hard to feel sorry for a character I know so little about. Second, extend the whole last battle, not just the part with Milktank. Make it two-sided between all of the Pokemon (do take in consideration that Chimchar, Charmander, and Kirlia just battle a very harsh battle while the other four are completely healthy), elaborate on the overall description of it, and include your surroundings, they are not fighting in a bubble. It may seem like a lot for Milktank, but that’s because length is really what saved you for the other three and the fact that you have a good amount of captures under your belt. When you do all that to the best of your ability (as in, not just a couple of lines here and there), I’ll give you Milktank. ~ .^

- Kat
__________________

(Banner by the epic Neo Pikachu) TAC Challenge: I'm learning Finnish! ^-^

My Author Profile | URPG Stats | Kat x Bryce

Last edited by Phantom Kat; 06-18-2008 at 10:38 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 06-19-2008, 03:40 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

thanks for the grade

I edited it

i would like a regrade please
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 06-19-2008, 03:57 AM
Phantom Kat's Avatar
Phantom Kat Offline
¡Con ganas!
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: In my strretchy pants
Posts: 5,018
Send a message via AIM to Phantom Kat Send a message via MSN to Phantom Kat
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Mmm, though I would have liked to know more about Rocio's her relations with the gang, what you added made me understand her motives more and the last battle was a lot better than last time. So, I still had to think about this a bit, Milktank capured! But do remember that for characrer devolopement such as Rocio, you need to evenly spread it out throughout the story. A plot is only as strong as the characters in it. Don't forget as you are writing that we need to know what the character is thinking, not just to reveal her feelings once or twice. But, don't make me regret giving you this Pokemon, work on what I said in the future, 'kay? As you can see, I'm going harsher 'cause you're not a newbie anymore. ~.^

- Kat
__________________

(Banner by the epic Neo Pikachu) TAC Challenge: I'm learning Finnish! ^-^

My Author Profile | URPG Stats | Kat x Bryce
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 06-19-2008, 04:02 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

thanks a lot Rocio!!!!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 07-31-2008, 01:48 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Here's my next story and I want to enter it in the Summer Writing Competition.

Pokemon: Riolu
Category: 1 Complex; Riolu 30-40K
# Words: 9,778
# of Characters with no spaces: 42,993
# of Characters with spaces: 52,566
Status: Ready to grade!

btw the paragraphs in italic are kind of like flash backs, but none of the characters are remembering them, its more like a view into certain parts of the past

It sort of has to do with my previous 4 stories in that the main trainer from them is in it towards the end, but other than that it is unrelated, so i i'll include a small summary. So, here it is.

In my last story Johnny Rodriguez and his friend Max Banks enter a Pokemon tournament. Rocio Cyrus, a lonely girl, enters the same tournament, but wants to win it for a different reason. She wants to join a local gang, the Red Gyrados Gang, but they won't let her in unless she wins the Pokemon. The gang later resorts to cheating and framing Rocio. Fortunately, Johnny catches the gang in the act and the gang is arrested. Johnny wins the tournament by beating Rocio in the final round.

So that's out of the way and now here is my story.


Exile


Chapter 1: Blaze Kick

A cobalt-furred, jackal-like Pokemon zoomed through the crisp, night air with his right leg extended, completely ablaze with a magnificent, crimson fire. His leg collided with the moist, dirt floor making a loud noise which boomed through the cave. He stood triumphantly. He looked to his side where a small, blue and black canine-like Pokemon, similar to him, but with more puppy-like features, stood.

“That’s how what a perfectly executed Blaze Kick looks like, Son,” said the Lucario.

“Can I try it, Dad?” asked the small Riolu with excitement in his voice.

“Sure you can, Son, but in my experience, it’s easier to use an attack like this when you are under the pressure of a battle,” said the Lucario.

He looked at his surroundings and saw a rock formation which seemed out of place.

“Ted, come on out. I can see you there,” said the jackal-like Pokemon.

The rock formation began to move and a pair of eyes could be seen. A medium-sized Pokemon began walking on all four legs towards the Lucario and the Riolu. He had a big, gray body.

“Hey, Mr. Jameson. Hey, Kenny,” said the Lairon, “Sorry for spying on you like that, but I was bored and I wanted to see what you guys were doing.”

“You make me sound like an old Pokemon, just call me Kyle. I was just showing Kenny how to do a Blaze Kick and I was telling him that it’s easier to execute if you are battling someone else,” said Kyle.

“I can battle with you, Kenny. I’ve been itching for a battle all night,” said Ted eagerly.

“Don’t expect me to go easy on you, Ted,” said Kenny with a smile, as he lifted up his small, azure paws.

“Alright then, be careful and fight fair,” said Kyle.

Kenny wasted no time and ran at his opponent, leaving a white trail behind him. The claws on Ted’s small, gray paws began to glow and he began to dig into the dirt. He quickly dug into the ground just as Kenny was about to hit him. Kenny, not expecting his opponent to dodge, continued running and was unbalanced by a small, smooth stone on the floor, which resulted in Kenny stumbling onto the floor face first. He quickly stood up and shook his head. He looked at his surroundings. He was in a dark, damp cave, which was only illuminated by small, brown torches that were on the walls of the cave. There were several, old rock formations. The ground beneath him was soft, clay-like dirt. Suddenly, the dirt underneath him began to tremble and rise. Ted erupted from below the young Riolu, launching Kenny into the air. The Lairon quickly opened his mouth and an azure ball of water began to form in front of it. Then, he launched the blue sphere and it zoomed towards the small, puppy-like Pokemon who was still in the air. Kenny saw the Water Pulse speeding towards him and he quickly shifted his body to the side in order to avoid the attack. The attack barely grazed his azure fur. The Riolu landed on the floor on his feet. He focused his small, red eyes on his opponent’s blue eyes. Then, his whole right paw, including the ivory bump on the back of his paw, began glowing in a white color. He ran towards his metallic opponent, his glowing fist in the air. Kenny’s fist collided with Ted’s face, sending him rolling into the cave wall. The Lairon quickly got back up and ran towards the canine-like Pokemon with his head glowing in a white color. Kenny’s left paw begin to glow in a mauve color. Kenny’s Poison Jab collided with Ted’s Iron Head with great force. Lairon was pushed back by the attack. His silver, armor-plated back hit the moist, cave wall, making a loud sound. Ted struggled to get up and looked at his opponent angrily, looking at the Riolu’s red eyes which were almost hidden by a black “mask”. The Lairon dug into the ground, not wanting to give up yet.

“Now what do I do? I have to keep on my feet so Ted doesn’t attack me from below again,” thought Kenny.

The steel Pokemon erupted from the ground behind Kenny. Ted opened his mouth, revealing a row of sharp teeth, and bit down the Riolu’s long, blue tail. Kenny yelped out in pain as he felt Ted’s teeth dig into his tail. He quickly shifted his body weight to make his tail whip around and hopefully make Ted let go of his tail. The Lairon let go of his opponent’s tail when Kenny whipped his tail around. Ted looked at Kenny with a big smile in his face. He charged at the puppy-like Pokemon with great speed and slammed into him. The Riolu was launched into the sky by the sheer force of Ted’s Take Down. Kenny had been expecting Ted’s attack. A grin spread across Kenny’s face as he was in the air.

“Now, I can try using Blaze Kick,” thought the Riolu.

“Why is Kenny smiling? I just launched him into the air. Unless…” pondered the Lairon.

Kenny closed his eyes and concentrated all his energy on his right leg, which he stretched out in front of him. His azure leg was engulfed in a bright, crimson flame. The Riolu sped towards his opponent. Ted’s eyes widened as he realized that he was about to be hit with a powerful Blaze Kick. He wanted to move, but was paralyzed with fear. As Kenny got closer to Ted, the flame on his leg flickered out. Ted saw this and moved out of the way. Kenny crashed into the floor. He slowly stood up, but quickly sat back down. His leg was throbbing with pain from hitting the bare ground.

“Why didn’t the Blaze Kick work?” wondered Kenny.

Kyle walked in between both of the young Pokemon and began to talk.

“This battle is over. Ted wins because Kenny can’t continue fighting,” said the Lucario.

“But Dad,” complained the puppy-like Pokemon.

“Your leg is hurting from hitting the ground and this was a nice, long battle anyway. So don’t feel bad that you lost. Remember, you can’t always win. Good battle, Ted,” the jackal Pokemon said.

The small, steel Pokemon smiled.

“Thanks, Kyle,” said Ted as he began walking away, “I’m going to go to sleep now.”

“We should be going too, Kyle. School starts again tomorrow,” said Kyle to his son.

Kyle and Kenny walked through a small, dark tunnel that was on their left. After a few minutes of walking, they reached a large inlet of the cave. It was where Kenny, his soon-to-be sibling, and his parents lived. A Lucario stood in front of Kenny and Kyle. She looked like Kyle, but a little bit shorter. She also had soft, jade eyes, which were mesmerizing.

“So, what have you two been up to?” asked the female Lucario.

“Dad was just teaching me how to do a Blaze Kick,” said Kyle.

The female Lucario looked at her husband sternly.

“It wasn’t dangerous, Jessie. I was just teaching him a strong attack. Not many Pokemon are able to use that attack. So, I thought it would be pretty cool if he learned how to use it. He did pretty well. Not many people do as well as he did on his first try,” said Kyle.

“He needs to go to sleep. He has school tomorrow. I had to take care of the egg all night. You need to think about your other child too you know,” said Jessie with an angry face.

Kenny quietly entered his room. The living room had a small tunnel which led to Kenny’s room. His room was medium-sized. He had a torch on one side of the room and a small nest-like structure made out of pine straw in the middle. He lay down on the pile of brown pine-straw. He moved around until he was comfortable and slowly drifted off to sleep.
__________________

Last edited by poke123; 08-28-2008 at 01:34 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #51  
Old 07-31-2008, 01:50 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 2: Back to School

The next morning, Kenny was awoken by a small ray of golden light leaked in through a crack in one of the walls in Kenny’s room. He yawned as he stretched his arms. He groggily got up and walked into the living room.

“I see you’re awake,” said Kyle.

Kenny just stood there, still half asleep.

“Well hurry up, Kenny. You don’t want to be late for the first day of fourth year. Only two more years, not including this one, until you graduate,” said Jessie holding back tears.

“Come on, Mom. That’s three years away. Don’t get all teary-eyed,” said Kenny.

Then, Kenny left his home and began walking through the long, dark tunnel which led to the rest of the cave. Now that he was in the main part of the cave, he saw the medium-sized tunnel which led to the school. He walked through the tunnel and walked into a small room with several rocks for the students to sit. Kenny saw Ted already talking to some of his friends. Kenny greeted the Lairons and Riolus that Ted was talking to. Kenny looked up and saw large bat-like Pokemon fluttering near the ceiling. They had large mouths with four small teeth and two small legs. They also had two large purple wings which kept them in the air. Then, a Lucario walked into the room.

“Everyone please sit in your seats,” said the Lucario.

Everyone quickly sat on a rock.

“Ok, my name is Mrs. Jaine and this is Aura 101,” said the teacher in a calm voice, “I will teach you all you need to know about Aura. Now, you all have learned about Aura in the last, few years of your education, but we will go more in depth. Now any questions?” asked the female Lucario.

A Golbat meekly raised her left wing.

“What is Aura?” asked the Golbat.

All the students turned to look at her as if she was crazy. The teacher just smiled.

“In a few words, Aura is life energy. Everyone has Aura. Pokemon have the special ability to sense Aura. Only one species of Pokemon are able to manipulate the Aura into energy. Does anyone know what Pokemon are able to do that?” asked the teacher.

Kenny smiled and raised his hand. He knew the answer to this question. The teacher acknowledged him and Kenny began to answer the question.

“Lucarios are the only Pokemon that can manipulate Aura,” said Kenny confidently.

“Correct,” said Mrs. Jaine, “I know that you have all learned how to sense Aura in other living things. I will teach you how to use your Aura to sense inanimate objects. You may be asking yourselves how this will help. Well, before you can graduate you need to pass an exam. There are many parts of the exam, but one of them requires you to dodge objects while blindfolded. To do this, you must know how to sense inanimate objects. Now, we will begin. I want all of you to put on a blindfold. I have one for each of you in the front of the classroom.”

All the Pokemon got up, picked up a rag from the front of the classroom, and sat back down.

“Now, all of you put on a blindfold. I am going to place an object somewhere in the room. It is a rock shaped like a pyramid. You need to clear your mind and try to feel everything in the room. When you think you’re sensing the rock, simply point in the direction where you think the rock is,” explained the teacher.

Kenny sighed. This was not going to be easy. He had a lot on his mind, but he tried his best to forget about all of it. He began to clear his mind and after a few minutes his mind was clear. Then, he tried to feel everything that was happening in the room. Slowly, he began to sense everything. First, he felt his fellow students. It was easier to sense them since they had Aura. It was as if he could see them, but without using his eyes. Then, he tried to sense his surroundings. After a few minutes, he began to sense something. It was faint, but he could sense a small, pyramid-like rock to his right. He pointed his paw to the right, in the direction where he sensed the rock. After everyone had pointed somewhere, Mrs. Jaine told them to remove their blindfolds. All the students removed their blindfolds and some were surprised to see that they had been completely wrong. The lesson continued until fewer students had gotten it wrong.
__________________

Last edited by poke123; 07-31-2008 at 01:55 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #52  
Old 07-31-2008, 01:53 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 3: Breaking the Rule

Then, a question popped into Kenny’s mind.

“Do humans have Aura and can they sense it?” asked Kenny.

All the students in the class gasped. Mrs. Jaine got an angry look on her face.

“Mr. Jameson, you know the rules of the clan! To the Principal’s Office immediately!” yelled Mrs. Jaine angrily, pointing her paw at the entrance of the room.

Kenny was not surprised by her answer and quickly got up. He walked through the entrance of the room and walked began walking towards the Principal’s Office.

A loud screeching sound echoed through the cave.

“Human alert! Human alert!” screeched a purple bat.

The frantic Crobat quickly flew through the cave, warning everyone of the intruders. Two Lucarios, who were taking care of their son, quickly looked around for a place to hide. The male Lucario ushered his wife into the nearest inlet of the cave.

“Jessie, stay here,” said the male Lucario.

“But, Kyle-” stammered the female Lucario.

“You need to stay here and protect little Kenny. He’s only a year old,” said Kyle with confidence in his voice.

“Why do you need to go?” Jessie asked.

He walked into the office and a tall, but old Lucario, stood in front of him. The old Lucario shook his head.

“Kenny, the first day?” asked the old Lucario.

Kenny was silent.

“You’re in your fourth year of education. You’re six years old! That’s practically an adult! Only three more years and you can graduate. Why do you keep doing these things? Why today? Of the 183 days of the year, you pick the day we get back into school? Why do you keep asking about you-know-what?” asked the principal.

“I don’t know Mr. Celan. I’m just so curious about hu-, I mean you-know-what,” said Kenny sheepishly.

“Well, your father is a really good friend of mine, so I’ll give you a break. Please try not to mention you-know-what anymore. I can’t cover for you anymore and neither can your father. He’s second-in-command to the clan leader. How do you think that makes your father look? Think about that for a while. So, go on,” said Mr. Celan as he scratched the back of his head.

Kenny sighed and angrily walked out of the office. He felt really mad, but equally confused.

“Why are humans on my mind so much? I know that it’s against the rules to talk about them, but for some reason, I just can’t stop thinking about humans,” thought Kenny.
__________________

Last edited by poke123; 07-31-2008 at 01:59 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 07-31-2008, 01:54 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 4: Clouded Mind

He headed to they gym, where his next class was held. He slowly walked in the large room and looked around. The walls and ceiling were very smooth and were an orange, clay-like color. He saw that his classmates were already in the center of the room. Ted motioned for him to join them.

“What did Mr. Celan say?” whispered Ted.

“He said not to talk about you-know-what,” responded Kenny.

A large Pokemon walked into the room. He looked like Ted except he was bigger and stood on two legs. He also had two large horns and a long black tail.

“Hello students, the name’s Razorback. But you will call me Mr. Razorback when we are in the gym. I will be your Athletics teacher,” said the Aggron loudly.

His voice was loud and boomed through the room whenever he talked.

“What we’re going to do today is going to test your Aura sensing skills. You will all be blindfolded and I will throw objects at you. This is similar to what you will do in your graduation test. Today, I won’t throw hard objects. What I have here is an Ariados Silk Ball. They are soft, so they won’t hurt, but try to dodge as many you can,” explained the Aggron as he held a small, silky, white ball in his right claw.

The whole class walked up to a pile of old rags and each picked one up. Kenny picked a raggedy, red one and put it on. He took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind, just as Mr. Razorback yelled that the exercise had begun. Kenny couldn’t clear his mind. He was too angry and confused. His curiosity for humans had gotten him into trouble, but he didn’t even know why he was so curious about humans in the first place. As he pondered all of this, he felt something soft hit his right arm. It took him a few seconds to realize what had happened. He had been distracted by his thoughts and had been hit by a ball. Kenny sighed and took his blindfold off. It looked like two other students had been hit before him. Mr. Razorback was not satisfied with the results when everyone had been hit. He made them do the exercise again and again. Kenny tried to clear his mind to no avail each time. By the time the class was over, Kenny left the classroom with one more emotion clouding his mind, frustration. Kenny had four more classes before school was over. To him the classes were easy, but today they frustrated him because he had so much on his mind.
__________________

Last edited by poke123; 08-08-2008 at 08:11 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 07-31-2008, 01:58 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 5: Exploring

As soon as school let out, he quickly left. He needed some time to think. After walking for a minute, he saw Ted leaving the school and an idea popped into his head.

“Hey, Ted, want to go see something cool?” asked the eager Riolu.

“See what?” asked Ted.

“Just trust me; It’s really cool,” said Kenny eagerly.

“Sure, let’s go,” responded Ted half-heartedly.

Kenny looked around and motioned for Lairon to follow him. He went through a tunnel which was rarely used. Then, he proceeded to go through a series of tunnels which eventually led to an abandoned part of the cave. The ground was covered with gray ash from torches which had once been lit there. There were several, ragged stalactites hanging from the ceiling. Kenny squinted his eyes and looked around. It was difficult to see since there was barely any light.

“I have to go because I need to help Angus. It’s my duty as a male Lucario to help defend the clan. Don’t worry, I’ll be back when the clan is safe,” said Kyle with a serious look on his face.

He didn’t want to leave his wife and son, but it was his responsibility. Kyle ran to the cave entrance and saw the intruders. There were four weird looking creatures. They were about the size of a Lucario, but had no fur and their skin was peach-colored. The only fur they had seemed to be on their head. Each human’s head fur was a different color. Their body was covered in a sort of cloth that covered they’re entire body. They all took out small, red and white spheres and threw them in the air. Large Pokemon erupted from the spheres and the trainers ordered them to attack the Pokemon in the cave. A giant, turtle Pokemon was in front of Kyle. It had brown stubby legs and a green shell. It also had a luscious tree growing on its back. It roared at Kyle, telling him to give up. Kyle tried to reason with him as a fellow Pokemon, but the Torterra would not listen. He responded by telling Lucario that he had specific orders from his trainer and he had to listen to them. Long, green vines emerged from the Torterra’s shell and began whipping Kyle. Kyle sighed and decided he had to fight. He put his hands together and a blue sphere formed between them. He launched the cobalt sphere of energy at his opponent and the Torterra instantly fainted as soon as the ball of energy made contact with his body. He came across three other Pokemon that belonged to a trainer. He fought them, but was careful not to hurt them too much. He hated fighting a fellow Pokemon. It felt so barbaric to him.

He turned around to see that Angus looked weak and was trapped by two trainers and their Pokemon. Each trainer had a Pokemon which was about to attack Angus. One Pokemon was a large turtle that stood on his hind legs and had a brown shell. He had short, blue arms and a blue head. He also had gray cannons coming out of the back of his shell. The other Pokemon was a small, bird-like Pokemon. She had yellow feathers and large, orange thighs with grey talons at the end of them. Her arms had sharp claws at the end of them. She had a small orange beak and three orange feathers protruding from the top of her head. The Blastoise and Combusken used their strongest attacks on the cornered Lucario. The swirling mass of blazing fire and crystal-clear water sped towards Angus. Kyle’s instincts kicked in and he threw himself in front of the weakened Pokemon. The destructive attack engulfed Kyle and he collapsed to his knees. He was trembling with pain. Slowly, he got back up, determined to protect the clan leader. His face became serious and he took a fighting stance. His right leg was engulfed in a bright flame, but Kyle felt no pain because he had summoned that fire. He quickly kicked both of the Pokemon with his blazing leg. The trainers’ Pokemon were stunned that the Lucario had taken both of their attacks and was still standing. Kyle proceeded to fire several Aura Spheres at the trainers’ Pokemon. This knocked them out and sent the trainers running. Kyle turned to look at Angus. He looked like any Lucario except that he was a few inches taller. One thing that did put him apart from any other Lucario was that the spike on his chest was broken off. No one knew how it happened and no one dared to ask him. Kyle clutched his chest and fell to the floor in pain.


After a few minutes of searching, he found what he was looking for. He told Ted to follow him as he approached a peculiar rock. It didn’t look out of place in the cave when seen from afar, but when seen from close up, it clearly did not belong there. It was unnaturally smooth for a rock and had an odd color underneath the thick layer of grime that it had. Kenny approached it and tried to pick the strange object up. It was wedged between some rocks and took some strong pulling from Kenny to get it out. He softly blew on it and saw that he had a small sphere in his hand. It was half red and half white. It also had a small, white button in the middle of it.

“What is it?” asked the Lairon.

“I don’t know. I heard about a weird thing that used to belong to humans and it sparked my interest,” said Kenny calmly.

“This belonged to humans? Are you crazy, Kenny?” Ted asked furiously.

“Calm down, Ted. It’s not like it’s going to hurt us,” said the Riolu, attempting to calm Ted down.

“No, put it back now,” said Ted angrily.

Ted approached the sphere in Riolu’s hand. He was about to nudge it onto the floor, but he accidentally touched the small, circular button in the center of ball. It creaked open and a bright, crimson light shot out, briefly illuminated the cave and engulfed the Lairon completely. After he was covered with the red light, he was sucked into the ball and the small sphere closed. Kenny gasped and dropped the sphere. He was quivering with fear.

“What happened to Ted? What is that ball?” wondered Kenny.
__________________

Last edited by poke123; 08-08-2008 at 08:11 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #55  
Old 07-31-2008, 02:00 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 6: Facing the Consequences

Kenny started to panic. What was he going to do? His best friend had just been sucked into a weird sphere that had once belonged to humans. He had to think of something. He quickly scooped up the ball and began running towards the main part of the cave. He was frantically looking around to see if he could find his father, who would know what to do. In doing so, he bumped into a Lucario, making him fall backwards and drop the sphere. He looked up and saw that the Lucario’s chest spike was broken. It was Angus, the leader of the clan! Angus grunted at the sight of the small Riolu, but when he saw the small, red and white ball, his ruby eyes widened. His face reddened with fury and he began to shout.

“What are you doing with that?!?” shouted the Lucario.

His voice boomed through the cave. Everyone who was nearby, turned to see the conflict between the Lucario and the Riolu.

“I found it in an abandoned part of the cave,” said Kenny meekly.

Lucario took a deep breath and began shouting again.

“What were you thinking?” asked Angus angrily.

“I don’t know, but that’s not what’s important right now. Ted, my friend, got trapped inside of it and I don’t know how to get him out. I need your help, please,” pleaded the Riolu.

Angus began growling with anger and stared at Kenny. He picked up the ball and pressed the button in the middle. It creaked open again and a Lairon emerged from it. Ted looked around and saw that he was in the main part of the cave. Angus tossed the sphere in the air and formed a crackling, blue sphere of energy between his paws. It zoomed through the air and disintegrated the sphere upon contact.

“You know the rules and you continue to break them! One rule! It’s the most important rule of this clan and you choose to break it continually! I’ve had it! I challenge you to an Ex-Battle,” stated Angus.

A few Pokemon gasped at the statement.

“But I-” stammered Kenny.

“You have no choice. The battle will be now. You know the rules. We battle until someone faints. If you win, you stay and we act like this never happened. If you lose, you are exiled from Coronet Mountain and the surrounding area. This means that you can no longer return, no matter the circumstances,” said the Lucario as he got in a fighting stance.

Kenny tried to talk his way out of it, but Angus would not stand for it. Kenny scrambled into a fighting stance, realizing that he had to fight whether he wanted to or not. Angus balled his black paw and it began to glow in a bright, white color. Angus ran towards the small Riolu with his glowing fist in the air. His fist swooped down to hit the Riolu on the right side of his face, but Kenny was expecting the attack and simply ducked to escape the attack. Then, Kenny’s paw began to glow in a mauve color and he jabbed the clan leader in the stomach. Angus acted as if he didn’t feel Kenny’s move and attacked again. This time, the spike on the back of his paw became three, long, gray blades. He rapidly slashed Kenny across the face multiple times. Kenny fell backwards. He grabbed his face which hurt because of the multiple cut wounds on his face. He slowly stood up to face his opponent. Kenny’s right leg began to glow with a blazing fire and he tried to kick the Lucario, but before his leg could reach him, the flame flickered out. Angus grabbed Kenny's leg and threw him onto the floor. Searing pain shot through his back. His back had hit a sharp rock. Kenny was quivering in pain. He tried to get up, but fell on his face. Then, he tried to get up again and was successful. He faced his opponent again, but Angus had been waiting for him. Angus’ black paw was heading towards Kenny’s face. The palm of Angus’ paw collided with the little puppy’s face and everything went dark.

Kenny slowly opened his eyes and saw that he was surrounded by various Pokemon.

“Why are you so weird?” Ted asked Kenny.

“I-” stammered Kenny.

“Why did we have a son who breaks rules and is so weak,” said Kyle and Jessie.

“But, Mom, Dad, I’m not weak. I don’t know why I break that rule. I just have this weird curiosity about humans,” said Kenny trying to hold back tears.

“We don’t care. We wish we had a better child. Someone who was not like you at all,” responded Kenny’s parents with angry looks on their faces.

“But I-” Kenny tried to say.

A single, crystal tear rolled down Kenny’s cheek and dropped to the damp cave floor.

“You are an embarrassment to the clan!” shouted Angus, who appeared from the shadows, “Let’s ask everyone, ok? Who is an embarrassment to the clan?”

“Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!” said the Pokemon surrounding Kenny.

“No!” shouted Kenny as he shielded his face.

Something began to nudge him slowly, while everyone was shouting his name. Then, he sat up with a jolt. He soon regretted doing so. His whole body was aching. It was as if he had gotten Body Slammed by a Snorlax. He saw his mother sitting next to him with a small bowl with crushed berries in it.

“Mom?” said the weakened Pokemon.

“Shh, don’t say anything. You’re still weak from your battle,” said Jessie.

“What happened?” asked the puppy-like Pokemon.

“Angus knocked you out with his Force Palm attack. You’ve been unconscious for the last three days. After he knocked you out, he told his third-in-command to take you to the limits of Coronet Mountain and dump you there. Your father and I tried to stop him, but Angus wouldn’t let us. I’ve been sneaking out the last few days to help you. I couldn’t just leave you, you’re my son,” said the jackal Pokemon.

“So, when do we go home?” Kenny asked, hoping to receive the answer that he wanted.

There was an unnerving silence.

“You don’t go home, Son. It was an Ex-Battle and you lost. You are exiled from Coronet Mountain forever,” said Jessie with a slight quiver in her voice.

“But, Mom, what am I supposed to do? Are you and Dad going to come live with me outside of the mountain?” asked Kenny, afraid of what his mother might answer.

“I’m sorry, but we can’t. It’s too risky for us because we’d have to find a home for all three of us and food is scarce this time of year,” said Jessie sadly.

“Mom, please-” said Kenny before he was cut off.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to stay here with you, but your father is right. It is too risky for all of us. I also have a duty to my students because I’m a teacher and even more to my future son or daughter. It’s still in the egg. There’s no way we can travel with an egg. You’re grown up now anyway. You’re six years old. Only three years from being an adult. I wish you the best of luck, Son. Remember, you are strong. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. Please be careful,” said Jessie as she began to cry.

“Mom, I’ll be fine,” said Kenny as he hugged his mother.

He began to slowly walk away. Even though he had told his mother that he was going to be ok, he was not sure that he would be. Jessie’s head hung low as she walked back to the cave. Small tears were rolling down her cheeks. She turned to see her son walking into the forest.

“I love you, Kenny,” she whispered, not knowing if she would ever see her first-born again.
__________________

Last edited by poke123; 08-08-2008 at 08:17 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #56  
Old 07-31-2008, 02:01 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 7: A New Strange World

Kenny didn’t have anywhere to go, so he would have to walk until he found shelter. His journey would begin in the lush, jade forest in the outskirts of Coronet Mountain. He walked into the thick forest. He had never seen a forest before. Grass was new to him. The small blades of green grass tickled his feet as he walked into the forest. A light breeze blew through the forest, covering the Riolu. He took a deep breath, never having felt a breeze in his life. There were many insects on the brown branches of the tall trees. Kenny looked at his surroundings.

“I’ve never been in a forest. What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go?” wondered Kenny.

He decided he would look for food first. After searching through many trees and bushes and throwing away the poisonous berries that he found, he ended up with a small pile of azure, rotund berries the size of his head. He had even managed to find one of his favorite berries, a Pinap Berry. It was a dark yellow color and had a small, green leaves growing off the top of it. The berry had a cylindrical shape. He decided he would start with that berry since it was his favorite. He bit into the small fruit, but disliked the flavor. It tasted sour to him. The berry was supposed to be spicy, which he liked, but in his current situation, he just couldn’t enjoy anything. He threw it to the floor in anger. Why did he have to be so curious about humans?

Angus saw the valiant Lucario protecting him and fainting after warding off the two trainers. Angus quickly helped him up and gave him a special berry that he had hidden away. It was a round, yellow berry with small spots on it. Angus fed the unconscious Lucario the healing berry. The Lucario who had helped him slowly began to wake up after eating the Sitrus Berry. Kyle stood up and looked around to see that there were no more trainers in the main part of the cave.

“Thank you for saving me,” said Angus, grateful for Kyle saving his life, “What is your name?”

“My name is Kyle. It was my duty to protect the clan leader from harm,” said Kyle modestly.

“For your bravery, you will be my second-in-command,” stated Angus.

“Me?” asked Kyle.

“Someone of your bravery and dedication to the clan should be my second-in-command,” responded the clan leader with a smile.

Jessie stood in front of her son, protecting him from the two trainers that wanted to capture them.

“Leave us alone!” Jessie yelled telepathically so that the humans could understand her.

The two trainers were awestruck that the Lucario was talking to them. A few seconds later, they reached into their pockets and took out some Pokeballs. Then, they threw them into the air, releasing their Pokemon.

Kenny had been watching this. Two strange Pokemon had appeared in front of his mother. He wondered why she yelled at them. The two hairless Pokemon seemed afraid of his mother, though he could not understand why. She was such a nice and caring Pokemon. Kenny quickly lost interest in the matter and decided he would explore. He began walking through the cave, jumping in small, murky puddles that had been made from water, dripping from the stalactites above. Kenny happily ran through the cave without a worry in the world. Suddenly, he no longer felt the damp cave floor beneath him. He had run over a cliff and was about to plummet to his certain death, but something grabbed his leg. He giggled as he was dangling upside down.

“This is fun!” he laughed, “Do it again! Do it again!”

He was slowly pulled up and was face-to-face with a Pokemon that looked like the ones that his mother had been talking to. This creature had no hair, except for on his head, which was jet black like the fur on Kenny’s face. He also had five fingers instead of one big paw. The strange Pokemon had peach-colored skin. The lower half of his face had short hair that would eventually form a beard. Kenny was deeply intrigued by this creature that had saved him. He looked deeply into the Pokemon’s coffee colored eyes, which seemed almost mesmerizing.

“Are you ok little buddy?” asked the strange Pokemon.

Kenny was speechless, so he simply nodded. The hairless creature began to walk away, glad that he had helped a Pokemon.


He took a deep breath and picked the bitten Pinap Berry up off of the grass. He proceeded to finish the Pinap berry and some of the other berries that he had collected. He needed to keep the rest in case he couldn’t find any the next day. The sun began to set, turning the sky into a beautiful painting with magnificent shades of red and orange. Kenny saw the sun setting and began to look for a place to sleep. Since he could not find a shelter, he decided to sleep on the soft, grass surface of the forest, right next to his pile of berries. He slowly drifted off to sleep, hoping that the next day would be better.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #57  
Old 07-31-2008, 02:02 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 8: A Revealing Dream

As soon as he closed his eyes, he heard a voice calling him. He opened them again and found himself in the sky, floating with ease. His mother was floating next to him with a smile on her face.

“Hello, Kenny,” she said happily.

“Mom, is that really you?” Kenny asked with excitement in his voice.

“No, Son, you are dreaming. The only reason you’re even having this dream is because you mind is troubled,” Jessie said calmly.

“Troubled?” asked Kenny.

“You have a lot on your mind. You are wondering why you have a curiosity for humans and why you can’t just let it go,” said Jessie.

“Yes, exactly!” yelled the young Riolu, happy that someone understood him.

“It’s because of something that happened when you were little, the Human Raid,” Jessie said with deep sadness in her voice.

“I sort of remember that. A few of the clan got taken away and I stayed with you. Dad saved Angus that day and he became second-in-command,” said Kenny wondering how that mattered.

“Well that day, something happened that we made you forget about. Apparently, you haven’t forgotten completely. You see, while you stayed with me, two humans attacked us. They sent four of their Pokemon against us. Humans have the technology to trap Pokemon in small spheres they call Pokeballs. Once in there, the humans force the Pokemon to obey them and fight for them. I didn’t want to fight because you might get hurt, but I had to in the end. The Pokemon I faced were not hard to beat and the battle was over in a matter of minutes, but when I turned around, you weren’t there. I searched for you for a few minutes and found you near the edge of a cliff. You told me that you had run off the cliff, but a strange hairless Pokemon had saved you. I knew instantly that you were talking about a human. Your father and I didn’t know what to do. You kept on talking about it whenever you had the chance. So, we kept telling you that you dreamt it and convincing you that it had never happened until you stopped mentioning it altogether. Even though you forgot about it, the image of the human that saved your life is still in your mind. That’s what makes you so curious. I can’t tell you what the human looks like because you’re the only person who saw him,” said Jessie.

Kenny’s jaw dropped.

“I-” Kenny tried to say.

His mother shook her head.

“It’s what happened, so don’t ask questions because I can’t answer them. I can only answer what you know. This is your dream, remember?” asked Jessie.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #58  
Old 07-31-2008, 02:03 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 9: A Rude Awakening

Kenny was about to answer, but all of a sudden his mother opened her mouth and a long stream of water shot out of it. It engulfed Kenny and he was knocked back. He blinked a few times and before he knew it he was back on the forest floor. In front of him was the Pokemon responsible for waking him from his revealing dream. A human stood behind the water Pokemon, hoping to catch the rare Riolu. The brunette trainer was bent on catching the Pokemon. Kenny was staring at her soft, blue eyes, which revealed nothing. He quickly looked at his opponent, hoping to find some kind of obvious weak spot. He saw that his opponent was a blue Pokemon with a white stomach. The Pokemon had a thin, black swirl on her stomach. Her jet black eyes were sticking out of the top of her body, staring menacingly at Kenny. She had small sapphire feet and small arms. She was wearing what looked like snowy-colored gloves on her hands. Kenny had never seen a Pokemon like this before.

Poliwhirl was the first make a move. She squinted her dark eyes and a cold stream of water shot out of the center of the swirl on her stomach. The Riolu quickly sidestepped to dodge the attack. Then, Kenny ran at the blue Pokemon with his right paw glowing in a soft shade of violet. When he was close enough, Kenny’s paw zoomed through the air and was about to hit the water Pokemon, but she grabbed the Riolu’s paw in her hand and twisted it. Kenny yelped out in pain, but unbeknownst to the Poliwhirl, Kenny’s left hand was glowing in a bright light. He quickly punched the Tadpole Pokemon several times until she loosened her grip on the young Riolu’s paw. Kenny continued his attack by lifting his leg and rapidly kicking the Poliwhirl in her stomach. She flinched and stumbled backward, holding her stomach in pain. Kenny deduced something from this; her stomach was probably her weak spot. The Tadpole Pokemon took no time to rest and ran up to the puppy-like Pokemon and began to repeatedly slap him across the face, jerking Kenny’s face left and right. Kenny was knocked onto his back. Determined to beat her, Kenny jumped up and put up his fists, prepared to beat his opponent at any cost.

“I have to beat this trainer. I can’t be caught by a trainer,” thought Kenny.

His opponent stared at Kenny and black, billowing smoke emerged from her stomach, engulfing the Riolu. The Tadpole Pokemon shot several streams of water, splashing the puppy in the face. Kenny shook his head, getting the water off of his face. The smoke slowly cleared revealing the trainer holding a Pokeball in her hand. The trainer was confident she would catch the Riolu, but Kenny wasn’t about to give up.

“What can I do? I don’t have to win. I just can’t get caught. Wait a minute, I know what to do!” thought Kenny excitedly.

He opened his mouth and heavy smoke surrounded and consumed the Poliwhirl and her trainer. Kenny quietly snuck away, using the smoke as cover. He quickly dashed in between trees, putting as much distance between him and the trainer as possible.

“I’m so glad that my Copycat attack worked. I never thought I’d actually use it,” Kenny chuckled to himself.

After a few minutes of vigorous sprinting, Kenny stopped to rest for a while. He was out of breath and felt like he was about collapse from exhaustion. He slowly walked into a clearing with lush, green grass.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #59  
Old 07-31-2008, 02:04 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 10: Familiar Faces

All of a sudden, a demonic-looking dog jumped out from behind a tree and fiercely growled at Kenny. The dog was large and soot-colored. He had two ivory, curved horns on the top of its head which made it look devilish. He also had a long black tail which ended in an arrowhead. His snout and underbelly were brick-colored. Two white, rib-like bands streaked across his back. Each of the Houndoom’s ankles had two white bands. The dog seemed to have a collar around his neck with a skull pendant in the middle.

A trainer walked next to his large dog Pokemon. The trainer had blond hair and aqua-colored, unforgiving eyes, which stared into Kenny’s crimson eyes.

“Houndoom, use Flamethrower,” said the trainer, not showing any emotion at all.

Before the Houndoom could open his mouth, a purple smoke swept into the clearing and hung there like a curtain.

A mysterious, but familiar voice whispered, “Use your Aura powers to follow me.”

Kenny closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, but with everything that was going on, it just wasn’t possible. Fortunately, Kenny managed to barely feel two Auras running away from the trainer. He followed them until they were far away from the trainer. When he felt he was safe, he turned to see his saviors. A purple bat was flapping her wings in front of him. She had a small body with two stubby legs. She also had two pairs of wings, one of which was a shade of cerulean. The other Pokemon was a large wolf. He had gray fur covering most of his body, but had a thick coat of coal-black fur on his back. His paws were also a darker shade of gray. They both looked at Kenny with their rubicund eyes.

“Aunt Jenny! Uncle Jay! I can’t believe it’s you!” shouted Kenny, excited that something was finally going his way.

“Hey there, kiddo,” said the Mightyena, happy to see the Riolu.

“How did you guys find me?” asked the eager puppy.

“Well, as soon as you were knocked out and banned, your mom sent word to us that you would have to live in the outside world. So, we told her one of us would take you in, since we live in different places. So, we both met up and went to look for you in the outskirts of Coronet Mountain, but you weren’t there. We found you after a while though. We saw you collecting berries and we wanted to see how well you’d do,” explained the Crobat.

“We even helped out a little when you ran away from that first trainer. You see, the trainer wanted to chase after you, but we fought against her Pokemon and beat them, so she didn’t come after you. Then, we saw that other trainer attacking you, so we had to get you out of there because we were too tired to take on a strong trainer like that. So, let’s go. You’re going to live with one of us, we haven’t decided with whom yet, but remember we have rules. We’ll explain those on the way,” said the Mightyena as he began to walk.

The Crobat and the Mightyena were starting to leave, but Kenny did not move.

“You guys can’t tell me what to do! I don’t have to follow any stupid rules!” yelled the young Pokemon angrily.

“What are you yelling at us for?” asked the Crobat, extremely confused by Kenny’s reaction.

“I-I don’t know,” sighed Kenny, “I guess it’s because my whole life got turned upside down because of a stupid rule, which I didn’t even mean to break. I really didn’t.”

Kenny fell to his knees and tears began to flow down his face. Jenny and Jay comforted Kenny and told him that it was going to be ok, unsure that what they were saying was going to be true or not.

Suddenly, a Houndoom ran up to the three Pokemon and began to howl.

“Master James! I found the Riolu!” howled the dog.

The trainer was right behind him. He ordered his Pokemon to attack the Riolu, but Jenny and Jay shielded Kenny.

“Run Kenny! We’ll hold them off! We can meet up where you battled the first trainer!” shouted the two Pokemon.

Kenny hesitated, but decided to listen to Jenny and Jay. He ran as far away as he could before he began to get dizzy. The running and the fighting had taken a lot out of him. He struggled to remain conscious and collapsed onto the soft grass.
__________________

Last edited by poke123; 08-23-2008 at 05:23 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #60  
Old 07-31-2008, 02:08 AM
poke123 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,530
Default Re: Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 11: Fighting for Freedom


Kenny slowly opened his eyes, only to find himself in a weird place. It was a strange kind of room. Everything was smooth, instead of the ragged surfaces he was used too. He was lying on some sort of weird object which was extremely soft. There seemed to be strange lights shining down on him from the ceiling. A human walked into the room. This human was different from the other two humans he had met. She had pink hair and was wearing a dress, but that wasn’t what made her different. Kenny could see in her eyes that she was caring and was worried for his health. The nurse motioned for Riolu to leave the room, pointing at a door. She wasn’t kicking him out. She knew that he wanted to leave. Kenny smiled at the nurse, thankful that she understood him. He walked out and began walking through the thick forest. He had to get back to the outskirts of Coronet Mountain. He walked for an hour before realizing that he was lost. He stopped to look around and see if he recognized something, but it was to no avail. Then, Kenny heard something behind him. He turned around and saw two Pokemon talking to each other. Kenny quickly hid behind a thick trunk. One was a scarlet lizard, who stood on his hind legs. He had a horn-like protrusion on the top of his head and a long tail which ended in a small flame which seemed to dance on the tip of his tail. The other was an orange monkey who had a small tuft of fur on its head. He also had a swirl on his stomach and a flame on his rear, similar to the Charmeleon’s. They seemed deep in conversation.

“You can’t beat me. Remember the tournament? I beat you. Face it, my Flare Blitz is stronger than any of your attacks,” said the lizard arrogantly.

“No way, I could beat you easily!” responded the chimpanzee angrily.

“Then why couldn’t you beat me in the tournament?” the Charmeleon asked smugly.

“You’re just cocky because you evolved a few days ago. I don’t need to evolve to be stronger. I’m stronger than you right now,” said the Chimchar with a grin on his face.

“You wouldn’t even be here if Johnny and Max didn’t let your trainer come on their journey,” the fire lizard said.

“It’s your trainer’s fault. She had to do something. If she didn’t leave Jubilife City, the rest of the Red Gyrados Gang would hurt her. Your trainer got the leader of the Red Gyrados Gang arrested. So, the rest of the gang was going to go after her. And another thing-” said Chimchar, stopping in mid-sentence.

The chimpanzee looked around, as if he was looking for something. He was staring at the tree which hid Kenny. Chimchar had a half-smile on his face.

“Hey, whoever is hiding behind that tree, you better reveal yourself or we’ll burn the trees down until we find you,” said the Chimchar.

Kenny’s crimson eyes widened and he knew he was caught. He slowly left his hiding place and revealed himself to the two fire Pokemon.

“Listen, I wasn’t spying on you. I’m just lost,” explained Kenny.

Charmeleon opened his mouth to respond, but a human appeared from behind him.

“There you are Inferno,” said the black-haired human.

Kenny was about to run away, but his body wouldn’t move. He was shocked by the human’s appearance and was frozen in place as a result.

“Who is this human? Why do I feel like I know him? That’s impossible because I’ve never seen a human other than those two trainers that attacked me. Unless…” thought the Riolu.

Suddenly, all the memories from the fateful night that had changed his life so many years ago, rushed into Kenny’s mind. Right then, he knew. That human looked like the human who had saved him when he was little. Though there was something different about him. This human had brown eyes and messy, jet black hair and shared other qualities with the human who saved him, but he seemed much younger than the other human.

The human’s eyes widened upon seeing the Riolu. He knew that it was a rare Pokemon that was not easily found.

“Come on, Inferno, we’re going to catch that Riolu,” the human said to his Charmeleon.

“Watch this Jackie,” Inferno said to the Chimchar, “I’m gonna beat this Riolu and Johnny is gonna catch him.”

Kenny stepped back and was about to run.

“Wait, let’s battle!” yelled the lizard.

“I won’t be caught by a trainer, I just won’t,” said Kenny as he shook his head.

“Alright then, you won’t be caught. All you have to do is beat me and I’ll let you escape. By the way, my name is Inferno and I’m the strongest fire Pokemon you will ever meet,” Inferno said with pride.

“Alright, let’s see how strong you really are,” responded the cobalt-furred puppy as he got into a fighting stance.

Inferno was the first to move. He ran at the Riolu and when he was close enough, he shifted his wait and slammed his tail, which was now glowing, into Kenny’s small body. The Charmeleon expected to knock the small Pokemon down, but Kenny held his ground. He took advantage of having his opponent close to him and rapidly began to kick the lizard on his back. Inferno fell face-first from the barrage of kicks. He scrambled to his feet and a scowl covered his face. He inhaled and heat began to accumulate deep within his body. A few seconds later, white-hot tongues of fire erupted out of the fire lizard’s mouth in the form of a menacing spiral of fire. Kenny tried to escape, but he was soon engulfed by the swirling vortex of fire. The fire burnt his fur in many places leaving charcoal-black marks all over his body. When the fire died down, Kenny was still standing. He had been burnt, but still had the will to fight. He quickly thought of what to do. He opened his mouth and a spiral of fire, exactly like Inferno’s, erupted from it. When the Charmeleon had been engulfed by the fire, Riolu smirked, happy that his Copycat attack had worked once again. Then, Inferno emerged from the giant vortex of fire, completely unscathed. The fire Pokemon ran at Kenny with his long, sharp claws extended, ready to cut into the Riolu’s soft skin. The puppy ducked just as the Charmeleon’s claws were about to dig into his face and slammed the palm of his paw into Inferno’s stomach. The Charmeleon’s eyes bulged out as he clutched his stomach in pain. The wind had been knocked out of him. Kenny saw that his opponent was now wheezing and out of breath so he took advantage of this. He ran at Inferno with the tip of his paw glowing in a deep shade of violet. The Poison Jab attack slammed into the lizard’s right cheek, jerking his head in the other direction and knocking him to the floor. Inferno was motionless. He did not move, but he began to talk to Kenny.

“Listen, kid, go ahead and leave. You beat me so fair is fair. My trainer is persistent and will send out some another Pokemon to fight. So, go now,” wheezed the Charmeleon.

Kenny shook his head.

“I’ve decided to stay and battle until I beat your trainer. I’ve been running a lot and I think I need to stop,” said the puppy sternly.

The last words that Kenny’s mother had said to him in the outskirts of the mountain range rung in his head. He was strong and now he had a chance to prove it. Inferno tried to say something, but Johnny returned his Pokemon to his Pokeball and took out another Pokeball out. Kenny stood there, ready for anything. A brown and white bird emerged from the round sphere and soared into the sky. Then, he flew down to his trainer’s level, flapping his wings to stay at that height. The bird had a small tuft of feathers that was sticking out of the back of his head and curved forward. He flew at the Riolu at high speed, striking Kenny with his orange beak over and over again. Kenny was knocked back each time and was slowly weakening. The Staravia landed and began to catch his breath. Riolu took this chance and ran at the bird, but stopped before he reached the opposing Pokemon. He began to clutch his face in pain. The same place where he had been Force Palmed by Angus began to hurt again.

“Ace, finish this off with Aerial Ace!” yelled the trainer.

Ace sped towards Kenny and rammed his body into the Riolu’s body, which knocked him down. Kenny slowly got up and ran towards the bird. He quickly stopped when he was in front of the Staravia. Then, his right leg was engulfed in a flame. He lifted his leg and slammed his flame-engulfed leg into the bird’s face. Ace was pushed back and soared into the sky for one last attack.

“Alright, let’s finish this for real this time. Use Brave Bird!” commanded Johnny.

Ace was engulfed in a sapphire light and flew at Kenny so quickly that the Riolu had no time to react. He was knocked back ten feet and his body slammed into a tree. He slumped to the floor, barely clinging onto consciousness.

Johnny reached into his pocket and pulled out a sphere exactly like the object that had gotten Kenny exiled from Coronet Mountain. The dark-eyed trainer threw the small sphere at the motionless Riolu. Kenny had enough energy to move out of the way and escape, but he didn’t know if he should.

“I can move, but should I? Everyone says that trainers are bad. Maybe I should find out for myself,” thought Kenny as the ball tapped his head.

He was engulfed in a magnificent crimson light and he felt weightless. All of his pain and anger faded away and Kenny finally felt at peace.



OOC: So yea, I hope that I get this Pokemon. Here is the character count again.

Pokemon: Riolu
Category: 1 Complex; Riolu 30-40K
# Words: 9,778
# of Characters with no spaces: 42,997
# of Characters with spaces: 52,570
Status: Ready to grade!
__________________

Last edited by poke123; 08-28-2008 at 01:33 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:42 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com