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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 05-11-2008, 08:49 AM
Pokemon Trainer Sarah's Avatar
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Default The Other Trainer

Three trainers left Pallet Town, so why was one never heard from again?

I watched as you ran out of Professor Oak's lab, red and white Pokeball in hand. Your face screamed excitement as you jumped down the stone steps, three at a time, chasing after your rival, the brown haired boy who had already disappeared down the road.

You dodged past me as I climbed the stairs slowly, not even noticing me as you flew by. I wanted to ask you what Pokemon you had chosen, but it seemed your mind was already lost in thoughts of adventure, and so I let you run by, and I continued my ascent to recieve my own partner.

The kindly Professor smiled at me when I arrived at his front door. His lab sat atop a hill and was a large dome-shaped building with a windmill structure at the front. Acres of land stretched out behind it and I knew that was where he raised many different types of Pokemon for his research.

He smiled, and beckoned me in, his twinkling eyes and crisp lab coat telling me he felt much younger than what his wrinkled face and grey hair revealed. As I watched, wide eyed, he offered me a Pokeball, the only starter left, and it was with great pleasure that I took the young Fire-type and claimed it as my own.

I headed off, my mind filled with images of glory and triumph: my eventual ascent to the heights of the Pokemon League. I knew there was still much, much to do before I would reach that final stage, but the mere thought of it was enough to occupy my mind and distract me from the small, twisting path I had decided to take.

Soon the familiar route to Viridian City, that I had travelled many times with my mother, started to look strange in the growing twilight. Reds and yellows surrounded me as the sun's sinking rays spread out to cover the trees and thick undergrowth. Even my navy jeans and white shirt seemed to glow with golden light as I walked.

As Pokemon began to return to their nests, and nocturnal creatures started to awaken, I kept my eyes peeled for any glimpse of a monster that I would have the chance to capture. My sweaty hand gripped the single Pokeball on my belt tightly, ready for any chance encounter. The Professor had briefed me on the dangers of travel; wild Pokemon with nasty tempers and Pokemon thieves who would sooner steal beginner's Pokemon than catch their own, but the ball in my hand made me feel almost unstoppable. I had my own Pokemon in my control, and the consuming power seemed to flow from the orb into my veins until I felt as if there was nothing that I couldn't do.

The rustle in the bushes to my left, then, served as an invitation to test my new-found power. A large, cream Pokemon, with a pink, piggish nose, leapt from its hiding place and into the trees above my head where it swung on its curled tail. My Pokedex began to beep in my pocket.

Mankey, the Pig Monkey Pokemon. This Pokemon has a bad temper and is likely to attack without warning. Approach with caution.

I was a little startled by the Pokedex description. Above me, the cream furball seemed relatively harmless as it swung from branch to branch. There was no way that I was going to give up a chance to catch a Pokemon, even if it was dangerous, after all, I was sure that my own Pokemon would be able to put up a good fight.

I looked up at the Mankey again, it paid no attention to the fresh-faced child below it, and so I took this as my chance to attack. "Charmander, come on out!" I cried, thrusting my Pokeball at the ground. A flash of red erupted, which quickly took the form of a small fire-lizard with a cream belly, sharp claws and a flame burning at the tip of its tail.

"Char, chamander!" the Pokemon called happily as it was released.

I smiled down at it, "Alright Charmander, this will be out first battle." I said, clenching my fist in determination. "Let's just try our best! Use Flamethrower on that Mankey!"

"Charrrr!" the small Fire-type opened its fanged mouth wide and released a stream of burning embers, which flew into the air, catching the Mankey in mid-swing. The Pokemon was consumed in the red and yellow flames for a moment before Charmander had to stop to take a breath and the attack died down.

The scorched Mankey hung in the air for a few moments before it seemed to come to its senses. Its mouth twisted in a nasty scowl as it dropped to the ground, waving its fists around threateningly.

"Great work!" I encouraged, "Now, try a Slash attack!"

Charmander obeyed, rushing forward, its right claw glowing with silver light. As it ran, the Mankey burst forward too, its short legs powering it toward my Pokemon.

"Char!" Charmander cried as it brought its claw down to scratch the Mankey across the nose. At the same time, the Fighting-type slammed its arm downward, hitting Charmander on the head with a Karate Chop. Both Pokemon stumbled backwards from the attacks, but it seemed that the Mankey recovered first, as it bolted forward again before Charmander could find its footing.

"Quick! Dragon Rage!" I instructed as the Mankey was about to pummel my Pokemon with a Low Kick.

Just as the Fighting-type leapt into the air, Charmander opened its mouth wide and this time a brilliant blue flame danced toward Mankey before enveloping it and causing it to fall to the ground. The Pokemon flailed around angrily in the strange cobalt fire as Charmander struggled to regain its breath. Both Pokemon seemed tired now, and as the Dragon Rage finally fizzled out, Mankey had calmed down a bit, its round body heaving with exhaustion.

"You did well." I smiled, and Charmander nodded a thanks before focusing on its opponent once more.

Before I could call another attack, the Mankey opened its small mouth and let out a piercing Screech. Charmander's paws flew to its ears as it struggled to block out the sound. The wailing noise had frozen it to the spot, its teeth clenched.

I knew I had to do something before the Fighting-type was able to attack my immobilised Pokemon. "CHARMANDER!" I yelled over the squeal, "USE FLAMETHROWER!"

I wasn't sure if my the Fire-type had heard me, but before I could call out my instructions again, the young Pokemon's jaw flew open and a rush of embers shot out, enveloping the Mankey. The Screech attack stopped almost immediately, and when the fire died down, Mankey was left lying face down on the ground and unmoving.

I grabbed a red and white orb from my pocket and threw it at the fainted Mankey. The Pokemon disappeared in a flash of blinding light, leaving only the Pokeball rocking gently on the ground.

I watched the orb intently, but Charmander seemed to be distracted by something else. It was glancing aroud nervously at the tall trees at the sides of the path. I followed its gaze confusedly until I caught sight of a cream blur leaping through the branches of a large oak. As I looked around, I spotted more and more Mankey, barely visible in the growing darkness as they swung between the leaves.

All at once, a group of them dropped down to the ground before us, each one with the same expression that the first Mankey had plastered on its face when it was burned by Charmander's attack. There were at least twenty of them, their noses twitching as they chattered angrily away to each other, each pair of eyes narrowed as they locked on Charmander and I.

I knew that we woud have little chance of defeating them all, but maybe we could scare them with the heat that coarsed through my Pokemon's body. At my command, Charmander opened its mouth wide and released a fierce stream of fire, which caused the Mankey to jump back and disperse in order to escape the flames.

When the fire died down, however, the Fighting-type Pokemon jumped forward once more. Charmander let out another burst of heat and the Mankey dodged again. It was almost like some strange dance there in the twilight.

I began to feel nervous, it seemed that the Mankey were biding their time, knowing that Charmander's fire-power could not last forever. My Pokemon was sobbing in fear now, though it would not give up, shooting blasts of flame in every direction. It worked for a while, the Mankey were afraid of the heat, but I could see the flame on my Pokemon's tail dying, and I knew that soon the monkey-Pokemon would be upon us.

My young starter released its final breath of fire and fell to the ground, its small body heaving with exhaustion as tears continued to run down its cheeks. Charmander cried in refusal as I produced a red and white orb, but I returned it to the safety of its Pokeball anyway. I would not let the young creature get hurt by my mistakes. With their primary target gone, the Mankey turned to me, their eyes narrowed, the veins on their head thumping with anger. I began to back away as they advanced on me, and then I turned to run. My feet barely hit the ground as I ran for my life, no longer caring about the rocking Pokeball on the forest floor.

I could hear the Mankey's chattering voices above me as they used their powerful hands and tails to swing through the trees. They began to overtake me, and I watched in horror as they appeared in the trees in front of me, before dropping to the ground to cut me off. I skidded to a stop and turned around, but they surrounded me now. There was no where left to run, and as they moved toward me, a scream of terror left my mouth as I saw my fate unfold before me. Before I could move, they leapt onto my stomach, causing me to fall backwards on the ground. There were maybe twenty of them, but it could have been a million. I curled up on the ground, clutching Charmander's Pokeball in my hand, and tried to shield my head, but there was no escape from the punches they threw at my body.

I lay there as they pummeled me, listening to their manic screams. As the pain became unbearable, a calming numbess began to wash over me as I drifted out of consciousness, and I shut my eyes with the knowledge that my name would be forgotten among the trainers of Pallet Town; my journey over before it had begun.

It is your destiny to climb to the top of the Pokemon League and claim the title of Master, and mine, it seems, lies here, between the stones on the gravel path of Route One: my future fading with the dying light.


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Old 05-11-2008, 09:18 AM
Lati-Chan's Avatar
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Default Re: The Other Trainer

I'll grade this. ^^

Introduction/Plot: Your telling the story of how three trainers left Pallet town, not jush Ash and Gary, there was another? So, a young boy (we never got his name, probably because you were telling it from his point of view) is starting his journey, he's very confident and decides to go out into route one, when it turns out the boy and his Charmander run into a small pig-like monkey, known as Mankey. He defeats it and throws a Pokéball. It turns out that as his Charmander gazes around, they see that there are tons of Mankey in the tree's. The Mankey come down and attack, the trainer keeps his Pokéball clenched in his fist as he's pumelled to the ground, and dies.

Wow... Just wow. I loved this plot, really. It was so well thought out and interesting. I liked the idea of how you changed it from just Ash and Gary, at first I actually thought it was just going to be a normal trainer journey. But I knew I wasn't going to get that from you. :) It was a nice story, you gave us a very clear view of the surroundings and the Professor and pretty much everything in the introduction, and that made the story a whole lot more enjoyable to read. I'm also a big fan of telling it from a trainer/Pokémon's point of view, so you get bonus points for that. ^^ Well done on this.

Length: Great job, you went over the maximum by ninety-two characters. xP It's what everyone should be aiming for, so nice job here. x3

Grammar/Spelling: Really good here, nearly flawless, I only found one or two mistakes. :3 I think you have a really good grasp of grammar, and you remembered to capitalized words like "Pokeball" and stuff, props for that. ;]

Soon the familiar route to Viridian City, that I had travelled many times with my mother,
This seems worded wrong to me; switch "that" with "which".

I instructed as the Mankey was about to pummel my Pokemon with a Low Kick.
There should be a comma after "instructed".

It was glancing aroud nervously at the tall trees at the sides of the path.
typo? x_x "aroud" should be "around" I believe?

As the pain became unbearable, a calming numbess began to wash over me as I drifted out of consciousness,
Another typo here; I believe "numbess" should be "numbness"?

Description/Detail: This was great, more than enough for a simple Pokémon too. Plus, the fact that you didn't use the same adjectives over and over again made it less tedious to read. I could see all the main things clearly, the surroundings, buildings, Pokémon, the woods, everything. Your description is really incredible and vivid. I was very happy when I saw you used emotions for when Charmander was on the ground, crying and struggling to breath. Your description really was great, and it made this story really flow well. Nice job here.

Battle: Definatley the highlight of your story; it was two-sided, a selection of moves were used and each attack was described clearly. The only thing I think could've helped was if you were more creative with the battle. The battle was held in a setting where tons of advantages could have came to either Pokémon, Mankey using the tree's, while Charmander could be burning branches and using them to hit Mankey or something. Either way, the battle was still well done. ^^

Outcome: Mankey Captured! This story could have probably captured a hard mon or something, well done though. You passed every section with flying colors. Sorry for the short grade though. :3

URPG | VPP | Credit | Starry.Graphix

<3 Paired with FlameRyushin <3

Last edited by Lati-Chan; 05-11-2008 at 09:48 AM.
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