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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.

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Old 07-01-2008, 04:59 PM
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Default Online Terror

Hope you guys like it.

Online Terror

A man sat down in his office watching his workers do their job through the window. He looked down onto a sheet of paper which shown a design for what looked like a video games console. A stapled note clung onto the top of the sheet, it read:
Davarian, I hope these designs meet your expectations of the "ultimate gaming console human kind has ever known" that you worked so hard to put together. I do hope these are what you have been dreaming of creating as I have worked countless months on drawing, editing, putting on how it will work. Well good luck with the great idea you're making and I hope I get paid that 1 million soon. Yours thankfully, Arnold Colsball. Davarian smiled, "Oh don't you worry "Arnie" you'll get your 1 million... in death." He chuckled, not a nice friendly chuckle but a chuckle of evil, a chuckle that you would never want to hear because this chuckle had death written all over it. Davarian had never been nice to anyone in his whole entire life, like his mother for instance, he killed her when he was 12 all because he wasn't allowed any sweets. When he was being looked after by his aunt and uncle, he had beat them with a steel baseball bat. His whole family... dead. He had made the police think every single death was suicidal or they had accidentaly killed themselves. Every time he thought about those old memories a smile stretched across his face, on the outside he was just plain bad but on the inside he's purely evil. When people are around him they would shiver and cower before him treating him like a god. Everybody knew about his past knowing that if they told anybody outside of the engineering company building they would be dead... along with whoever was told. He struck fear into every core of hearts inside the building. Everybody down below him were creating the gaming console that he supposedly "designed" as he had something in mind for Arnold. All across his desk lay spreaded out paper all over creating a mess. He looked at his watch, It read: 6:55pm. He stood up and opened his window which was right above the engineering room. He poked his head out.
"Alright get out of here! It's almost 7 o'clock so lock up and get out!" He took his head out and shut the window. He waited for 5 minutes until he knew that evryone had left, except for one. Davarian walked down to the Engineering room and was greeted by a tall, dark haired, dirty man. He was about in his 40's. Davarian passed him Ł500.
"You'd better do your job right or you'll wont get your other 500. You know what to do?" He asked the dirty mechanic coldy.
"Yeah, I sure do."
"Then get to work Derv, I dont want anybody knowing about this okay?" Derv nodded and began to tamper with each console that lay on every table. Davarian starightened his black jacket and walked out of the room.
"Come by my office tomorrow. If the job is done by then you may get more." And at that he walked out, leaving Derv to his job. All the kids who play this game will be in for quite a surprise. He smiled as he exited the building.

Opinions welcome but go easy on me this is my first time. It may seem short but on Word pad It took up two pages.

Click the image above to check out my YouTube Channel - it'd mean a lot.

Last edited by Sealboy; 07-01-2008 at 05:18 PM.
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Old 07-01-2008, 05:15 PM
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Default Re: Online Terror

Overall quite scary O.o An evil person killing his parents..

A bit on the short side for my liking, but overall quite good.

A flaw that is getting to me is that the letter should of had its own paragraph, to discern itself from the rest of the Prologue.

I'm anticipating as to what will happen next.

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Old 07-01-2008, 06:20 PM
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Default Re: Online Terror

Pretty good so far. Keep it up!
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Old 07-07-2008, 01:52 AM
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Default Re: Online Terror

Pretty cool, but is this the entire thing?
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Old 07-18-2008, 01:22 AM
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Default Re: Online Terror

Originally Posted by The PokeSHOP View Post
Pretty cool, but is this the entire thing?
It could be an one-shot, but he did say it was a prologue...

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