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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 07-02-2008, 11:22 AM
Splishee Offline
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Default Confessions of a Desolate Mind

Honours for Confessions of a Desolate Mind:

- Finalist in the Summer Writing Competition (2008)
- Runner Up for 'Pokemon One-Shot' category in the Fan Fiction Extravaganza (2008)



Confessions of a Desolate Mind


I find it kind of funny;
I find it kind of sad;
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had.
‘Mad world’
- Gary Jules
~~~


Gloria always said I had a vivid imagination.

Trapped in my own weak, frail heart, Gloria would often whisper to me as I lay, lonely and empty on the ground, that my spirit was fierce and strong and could light a thousand fires. I had attempted a feeble smile, the emptiness closing in on me as I cried out to the heavens of the one Pokemon that showed even the remote sign of compassion towards me.

I was empty. My life was torn and bedraggled, reflected immensely by my pathetic appearance. One would expect a Munchlax like myself to be carefree and lively, excitedly devouring all food in sight. I wish that I could see the sunlight again. I wish that I could taste the faintest scent of happiness.. Everyone deserves something good in their lives. At least once.

Sniffling, as I stared into the inky blackness of the pool of water below me, I noticed that my reflection expressed so much more to me than I could contain. My brittle, unstable emotions were spinning wildly as I let the tears fall, swirling around in the pale, miserable face of the Munchlax that lay below me. Her eyes were a vivid green, tiny and puffy with tears, aged and wrinkled far beyond her years from the amount of pain she had endured. Her face was frail and thin, crumpled up in pain as droplets of salty water ran down her face, the emerald coat of fur which adorned her thin body matted and knotty, each torn bit of fur a representation of the emotional cancer which engulfed my body day by day..

“What happened to you?” I whispered faintly, my voice cracking under the pressure of the tears. I had once been lively and happy, buoyant and gay; it seemed nothing would bring be down. It was all a faÁade.

I began to close my eyes, unaware of the deep forest around me. The trees were eerie and black, hanging over me, limbs wildly clawing at the matted grass and shrubbery. A mixture of dark emeralds and blacks, the forest was silently knowing and staring, waiting for me to pick myself up and leave.

I couldn’t do it without Gloria..

Gloria. My head straightened up, as I began to, once again, immerse myself in the comforting memories of my childhood - the happiest days of my life.

~~~


Everything was sparkling and pure, the world endlessly spinning as I giggled almost musically, chiming in with the Munchlax that surrounded me. We were all foolishly young, screaming our lungs out as we span in the circle, a cornucopia of happiness in the beach by Violet Bay.

“Raine! Raine!”

I laughed as my name was called, blissfully with boundless energy. I loved the sound of my name; it tinkled in people’s jaws, flowing effortlessly as it rang in my ears.

“Raine! Raine! It’s raining, Raine! You’re going to get wet..”

My healthy, plump body was spun around by the fellow Munchlax around me, their faces alive and eyes giddy as they span me around, preparing to throw me into the ocean by the beach which lay beyond me. It was a glistening blue, the waves light and playful, smoothly slipping over the sandy shore, the Wingulls above the ocean chirping happily amongst the radiant sun, soothing my skin with its rays.

“One..”

The world was spinning and I was blissful. I had not a care in the world, surrounded by my close friends as I was engulfed in nothing but happiness.

“Two..”

The world had grown oddly tense around me. I was still blissfully unaware of everything, yet the air seemed to grow tighter, not loose and free as it would normally feel. It was curious, yet my mind was fully concentrated on another aspect of my soon-to-be freefall that I couldn’t concentrate on it.

“Three!”

And with that, I was thrown viciously out of the circle, my small, plump limbs flailing aimlessly as my eyes were wretched open with the adrenaline that pumped through my veins. The glistening, undisturbed ocean lay before me, silently coaxing my spinning body into its depths. A foolish grin was implanted onto my face as I flew, finally coming face first with the water, time pausing around me as I took my exact facial expression as I heard the blood-curdling scream.

It was definitely my mother’s voice. It was high-pitched and frightened, the exact tone that my mother’s usually gentle voice would carry. As I almost crashed towards the water, the stupid, mocking grin still forced on my face, my eyes full of worry and shock as my fat, disgusting body shook, crashing with an ear-piercing ‘splash’ into the quiet ocean.

As I floated aimlessly in the ocean, the waves crashing over me peacefully as my ears were blocked from the world above, I suddenly saw everything with absolute clarity. Tension was thick in the air above, like electricity - something had happened. To my mother.. And yet, here I lay in the ocean, a foolish child thrown in, unaware of the horrid events that surely took place.

I closed my eyes and, letting the water wash away the tears, I suddenly wished that I could never come back up again. My mother had been screaming and crying for the last few weeks, and I had hated being in her company.. It was as though she was hopelessly miserable, crying over my father who had died weeks before I had hatched from my egg.

Suddenly, I wished I could float down there forever, not ever caring about my silly reflection again…

~~~


My reflection was crumpled. I shakily raised my thoroughly-worn paw to stroke my matted fur, my face frowning dully as I attempted to hoist myself off the ground in order to face the night which hung dismally above me. The moon was almost welcoming, yet grimly beaming - the friend which had comforted me for those many lonely nights.

How did I become like this? Why was I so empty?

I rattled my brains for some kind of knowledge, a simple memory that had triggered my slow path down to this emotional rollercoaster, the same one my mother - a beautiful, joyous Snorlax - had endured when she had been young. She had been so lively and wonderful, her bright eyes on her plump, round body of joy always alive and beaming, always jumping around in order to keep my spirits up despite her incredible size. But, that was how she left me… always jumping…

I suddenly lifted my head up and screamed, the pain washing over me. I yearned for Gloria. Her sweet words of encouragement, her gentle feathers always brushing upon me in order to cheer me up, telling wonderful stories of Altarias and Swablus far away in distant lands, as well as the fire-breathing dragons of the mountains and the horrendous dragons of the earth that shook their tribes…

The moon was high above me now as I began to recollect my jumbled thoughts, hopelessly spinning in my attempt to regain control of myself. I sobbed, water and snot dribbling down my face, intertwining with my fur as the dark colour of my face grew darker as mixed with dirt and grime. The shaggy fur below me shook as I stumbled in the dark, the tree beside me breaking my fall as I slammed into the ground, my head spinning as I sobbed endlessly.

Oh, how I wish Gloria was here. I longed for her touch and her dazzling smile, and the way she would always insist on keeping my matted fur elegant and clean, no matter how much I would meekly protest. Her wings were of the purest white, her body small and soft, although almost the same size as me. She was rounded and a beautiful turquoise colour, her cottony wings always fluttering in the breeze, disguised as clouds in order to surprise me on her rare visits.

Just thinking of Gloria sent me into a hazy state of elatedness. My eyes sparkled as I remembered the fun times we shared, and the depressing times we endured at the deaths of those close to us. How long ago it had been…
__________________
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Last edited by Splishee; 01-20-2009 at 08:14 AM.
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  #2  
Old 07-02-2008, 11:24 AM
Splishee Offline
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Default Re: Confessions of a Desolate Mind [Summer Writing Comp]

~~~


“Raine! Raine!”

“Mommy?”

The Munchlax that stood in front of me gave a sympathetic frown, looking me up and down. I was somewhat happy with my situation, yet, I always slipped up at random moments and was hurled into the cycle of odd glances from my play mates.

Cassandra was sympathetic and understanding, but not stupid. She hurried over to me cautiously, glancing over her shoulder to make sure that none of the other Munchlax were around to eavesdrop on her anxious words towards me. I didn’t care. I had grown used to others attempting to talk to me, to get inside my head. It’s not like it did me, or them, any good.

“Raine,” she began seriously, staring into my dull, lifeless eyes; hers wide and bright with worry. “What’s going on? I know - I - I miss her too, you know. But she’s not here, and - and you need to move along. I’ll be with you to be upset and to visit her memorial, but - well, she wouldn’t want you to be scared and afraid your whole life, would she?”

I shook my head, turning away, the tears brimming on my eyelids. Cassandra gave a worried sigh, turning to leave me yet again - a hopeless case. It wasn’t the first time people had left me alone with that same stare. All I wanted was to bury myself in the ocean in which I had almost drowned in a year previous… the day that mommy had screamed her last scream, her hurtle into the very same ocean that I had thrown myself into fatal. I only wished that I had been somewhat closer, so I could have dragged her heavy Snorlax body onto the shore.

If only I had been closer. If only I had been smarter. If only I hadn’t been such a child, playing aimlessly whilst lives were in sure danger.

“If only,” I choked out, lying on the ground. It was the outskirts of a main city, the Snorlax and Munchlax pack migrating slowly around Sinnoh, passing towns and hoping to avoid trainers’ eyes. Unlike other Pokemon, our whole family was intent on being free and escaping the trainers, fleeing whenever we could in order to protect ourselves from them. Who knows what they are made of? Humans are always frightening.

The concrete below me felt cool on my face as the world seemed to be split into two. On the left, the world was an abundance of green - trees and vines draping over each other like curtains and blankets, the grass wet and long as the entire scene was lively and moving along with the careless breeze. On the other side, city life was taking place. Upon the concrete and tar that was the road, dozens of humans bustled towards other ends of the city, colours of gray and white intertwining with each other to create a modern, man-made collage. The buildings were high and intimidating, filled with humans and machinery, whereas the forest on the other side of me was calm and welcoming, two polar opposites conjoining as one from the small, emerald and black, plump figure which lay on the concrete path separating the two.

“If only,” I whispered again, tears trickling lightly as I closed my eyes, preparing to sleep.

“If only what?”

I was startled by a merry, high-pitched voice straight above my face. I yelped and leaped up, colliding headfirst with a ball of pristine white cotton and smooth turquoise skin. Although our collision was a devastating smash, I felt myself land softly and neatly on the concrete below, as though supported by soft cushion.

As I shakily hoisted myself up, the Swablu which sat opposite me sighed and released the transparent barrier.

“You should be thankful that Debs and Mibs made me practise my Safeguard so much.” The Swablu sat up and proceeded to nip at and clean her beautiful wings, protruding gracefully out of the sides of her plump, blue body, which was light and elegant. I couldn’t help but smile, despite my inner crushed feelings.

“Debs and Mibs..?” I piped up, rubbing my neck hesitantly.

“Just my Altaria sisters. Always pressuring me to train, train, train! It‘s just so exhausting,” she giggled merrily, reflecting only boundless joy and energy. She turned back to look at me seriously, her young face filled with brightness attempting to look concerned. “Now, you haven’t answered my question yet. ‘If only’ what? What are you mumbling about?”

At first, I was hesitant to share my inner feelings with this stranger. She hadn’t even introduced herself yet - however, somehow, I felt an immediate connection to her carefree and compassionate nature. I stumbled over to her, burying my face in her wings as I sobbed, her indignant nature and her strictly wanting to know my problems a breath of fresh air from the hesitant and anxious whispers from others who knew what had happened.

Shocked, but nonetheless compassionate, the Swablu had stroked me softly, singing a soft tune from her beautiful, melodic voice to calm me down. It made me almost drowsy, yet I was too shocked to be coaxed to sleep.

The Swablu then shared her name with me, Gloria, and asked me mine. I replied that mine was Raine, and she grinned as she said that I reminded her of a rainy day - somewhat depressing to be around, yet refreshing and fun if you give the rain enough patience and optimism.

I considered this, and sighed miserably as I couldn’t help but agree with her.

As I shared with her my depressing life story - my father’s early death, and my mother’s - she told me that she understood me, and I could see that she genuinely meant it. Glora had a great, carefree life, but she had been pressured by her older sisters, both Altarias, to evolve and become stronger to protect the Dragon tribe they belonged to. Gloria was not a fighting soul - she was free and lively, caring and gentle. I could never imagine her petite figure blindly attacking another Pokemon. Gloria glumly said that she agreed with me.

We talked for hours, and I suddenly felt as though I was with someone who truly understood me and could comfort me. Over the past few weeks, Gloria fluttered down from her mountain every day to talk and play with me at my pack’s current living spot. She was there for the elated times, where we would jump around with boundless energy, playing together and screaming at the top of our lungs.

Gloria was also there for the bad times. I knew that whenever she arrived, she would be feeling that uneasy feeling of expectation - not knowing what kind of mood I was going to be in. My mood was like a rollercoaster; always spinning relentlessly, high with boundless joy and down in deep depression. I was unstable and scared of everything around me; but whatever happened, I knew that Gloria would always be there for me.

And I would always be there for her. Until the 30th moon arrived…

~~~


I closed my eyes dismally as I stared up at the moon above, my hopes crushing down on my like the overwhelming darkness. The world was entirely inky blackness, the once-lively trees and shrubbery of my small enclosure in the forest darkened almost evilly. The small circle I lay in, complete with a small, icy pond to the left of it, was closing in on me in a desperate attempt to shield me from the world. I almost wanted to whisper a grateful ‘thankyou’ to it… attempting to satisfy my wishes that had been prayed upon for so long… too long.

My shaggy fur which lay on my head shook helplessly with my head as I pinched myself painfully, my untrimmed claws digging into my supple skin ruthlessly, causing the blood to trickle outwards. I gasped in the icy pain of it, before falling into the familiar comfort of the pain… the ability to feel something, for once. It spread up my arm, my fingers tingling as they welcomed the nice change to the emptiness inside of me.

I knew it was wrong to hurt myself like this. But Gloria had always protected me from any kind of harm. She hated blood and scratches, her healing abilities leaving her - and my - skin pristine and free of injury. It was the way bodies were meant to be, she would say. Not beaten up ruthlessly in pointless Pokemon battles. Beautiful and pure, a symbol of the good and clarity that they had experienced in their lives.

Maybe this was my way of rebelling against her. Against everything she had said. Against everything she believed in.

It was all her fault. My depression, my emptiness. My one true best friend had ripped herself heartlessly out of my life… sending me into a stumbling, lurching state of disarray and misery.

Over by the misty pool, I caught the eye of my miserable reflection. My face contorting with anger, I grabbed a rock which lay innocently by me and hurled it towards the water, the rock splashing into my wild expression in the pond, leaving the once clear water in a constant state of instability as the liquid swashed carelessly around, attempting to mend itself after the rock disrupted its calm nature.

Now the pathetic pond knew what it was really like to be me; without false, framing reflections.

~~~
__________________
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Last edited by Splishee; 07-02-2008 at 11:29 AM.
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  #3  
Old 07-02-2008, 11:25 AM
Splishee Offline
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Default Re: Confessions of a Desolate Mind [Summer Writing Comp]

~~~


“Raine! Raine!”

My head throbbed with an aggressive lurch to reality, sitting up straight as I murmured a groggy ‘Yes?’ at the adult who sat in front of me. The Snorlax looked incredulous - her squinty eyes against her cream-coloured face furrowed in anger. I watched her scratch her dark head of navy fur in a reproachful manner, as though she didn’t know what to do with me.

I smiled at Jealla. “Please, go on, Jealla. I’m sorry for dozing off.”

She shook her head, but touched my face lightly in a playful manner and continued to talk about the topic which she had been meaning to chat to me about for a while now. Out of the corner of my eye, I grinned at my friends who played aimlessly amongst a small shrubbery in the deep enclosure of the forest. The volcano loomed over us eerily, yet we were blissful and eager to play in the brilliant sunshine. They chuckled and winked at me, pulling funny faces whilst others motioned for me to listen, stern looks on their faces. I returned the winks and giggled to myself as I turned back to Jealla.

“Now,” Jealla continued. “As I was saying, I am about to begin your most important lesson of, quite possibly, your whole schooling. Throughout your years as a small Munchlax, I presume you’ve witnessed various Snorlax who have left our small pack unexpectedly?”

My mother’s face swam before my eyes, but I pushed it out as I attempted to regain control of my temporarily blissful mood.

“Yeah,” I began slowly. “Like Auntie Athei. And Gabrelle. We had big parties for them, didn’t we? Mommy had said that they had been ‘captured’… but in a good way? What…?”

“Yes, these Snorlax were indeed captured.” Jealla smiled. “It is the state of living that most Pokemon despise with all their hearts; some Pokemon prefer to be wild beasts in their own families. Yet, Snorlax such as us know of the wonderful other style of living - able to be cared for in a team of other different kinds of Pokemon, all bound together by a human and trained together, able to use our wonderful strength and powers to defeat others - teamwork.

Using this wonderful teamwork capabilities most Pokemon are blessed with, they often are given the opportunities to bond together under the influence and encouragement of a human; a trainer. A trainer of Pokemon. One who trains them to be the best that they can be; in friendship and battling others.”

My face was bright and beaming towards the elated Jealla, yet, inside, I was oddly uncomfortable. It seemed to the teacher that the world of being with a trainer was desirable and wonderful, yet it seemed odd to me at the mention of the trainer. To me, it seemed that the trainer was one to train us to fight others - why would a Pokemon want to fight another? It made no sense.

I bit my lip and continued to share a bright smile with Jealla. “That sounds… cool.”

“Cool? It’s… it’s fantastic! Every Snorlax in our pack craves such an adventurous life! Travelling the lands with other Pokemon and an adoring trainer, developing friendships, flexing our Snorlax powers with strength we never even knew existed!” Jealla gasped. She seemed somewhat offended at my apparent disbelief of the wonders of the topic which excited her so.

I sensed some angry emotions coming from Jealla, so I attempted to get back on her good side. “How does a Snorlax get ‘captured?’”

“Oh, it’s debatable, but most of the time you’ll recognise a trainer when you see one. The most effective way to be captured by a trainer is to fight them.”

“Fight them?” I asked nervously, my eyes wide as I doubted the amazement of being captured even more.

“Oh, yes. A trainer only wants Pokemon on their team who are willing to give their strength - and it is of uttermost importance to be vicious and feisty upon encountering a trainer, so they will be willing to test you and see if you are worthy of their training. They will send a Pokemon of theirs to battle you, and you must be sure to give it your best. Be proud and ferocious, and the trainer is sure to accept you.”

Jealla spoke with so much wonder and pride in her words that I just wanted to grab a hold of the cluless Snorlax and shake her, screaming: ‘Can’t you hear how stupid you sound?! Why would anyone want to risk their health just to travel with a trainer who forces them to fight against others, separating them from their friends and family?

I sighed and nodded towards Jealla, containing my fury. “Thanks for sharing the great information with me, Jealla. I - I like forward to meeting a trainer one day.”

“So you shall, and so you will.” Jealla grinned as I leaped off the rock I sat upon to join my ecstatic friends, who sniggered at me as my face still was incredulous at Jealla’s strange, passionate words.

~~~


“Raine! Raine!”

I stifled my laughter as I heard Gloria’s carefree body ease around the cave, holding her feathers stiffly away from the dirtied cave walls. I buried myself deeper into the crack of the coal black wall, feeling my lungs fill with horrid dirt.

The cave was long and empty, as black as the night and filled with dozens of large, uneven boulders that were covered with grime and mould, rough to touch but even more unpleasant to smell. Gloria had fiercely protested exploring this particular cave at the edge of Vermillion City (named, appropriately, ‘Vermillion Cave’) because of her incredible fussiness with her cottony wings. However, with joyful and elated persuasion, it was easy to get Gloria to do anything nowadays.

“I’m coming to find you, Raine…”

She knew where I hid, she could taste my joyful anxiety. I held my breath as I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the tentative wind rustle my fur as Gloria swept past me, unknowing. My eyes watered with laughter as she slowly stalked by the crack in the cave that I lay in. Grinning mischievously, I quietly slipped out of the dusty crack and crept out of the cave, my eyes burning with the sudden sunlight which dazzled me in contrast with the dark, gloomy cave.

It was just on the outskirts of the busy Vermillion city, excitedly buzzing with activity to the left of the small area of lush, green shrubbery. I giggled as I skipped as fast as I could away from the cave, my head spinning as I felt strangely elated, witnessing an incredible high platform of emotions. I was dizzy and could hardly breathe - I collapsed on the ground, my eyes closed as I soaked in the utter peace and beauty of the world.

“Raine! There you are!”

Unavoidable laughter rose in my throat as I heard the soft, melodic voice of Gloria as she descended from the heavens above. I was sitting near the bustling city, filled with gray, high-rise buildings and plain colours of the concrete and clothes, brightened up by the extreme pallet of the flashy cars that drove down the roads.

At the corner of my eye I saw a small figure of light blue, bubbling lightly. Colour drained from my face as I threw my head towards the small pong, rippling silently as the liquid contents reflected my grimacing face. I couldn’t help but look - but I hated myself for it. My reflection stared back at me in pain, the epitome of ugly and loneliness. Ever since Mother died, all I could see in my reflection was her face intertwined crudely with mine, reflecting that day that I had seen my reflection just before hitting the water that my mother had also hit for the last time…

“Raine, just look away.”

I turned back to look at Gloria, her petite face a spitting image of my painful grimace. She was afraid of me - afraid of me breaking down at the site of the liquid. I shook my head slowly, letting the tears fall for the second time that day.

Why did Gloria have to be so.. So understanding? So compassionate? Why couldn’t she just look away, embarrassed, every time I began to weep? I felt like punching her as she quickly fluttered over to me to comfort me, her good nature in comparison to my empty, pathetic one aggravating me to the extreme.

“Raine, you’re okay.”

I gritted my teeth. “No, Gloria. I’m not okay! I’m pathetic! I can’t stand to look at my reflection, I can’t stand to look at anyone or anything that was once familiar or close to me! Every time someone makes a reference to her, or the - the day, I cringe and begin to break down! What the hell is wrong with me? I can’t take it anymore! Just leave me alone - just leave - me - alone!

Gloria obediently backed off as I lay down in the grass, sobbing as I covered my eyes from her accusing gaze. I wept as I attempted to dry my eyes whilst covering them from her in the grass, the green shrubbery making my skin itch as I rubbed against it constantly to bury myself deep underground.

Gloria waited for five solid minutes for my sobbing to subside, hovering patiently, not moving a muscle. My screaming shrank to weak pleas for Gloria to leave me alone in my misery, and she carefully approached me.

I was still covering my eyes from her, and I suddenly felt a rhythmic, soft stroking on my back. I knew without watching that she was patting me affectionately with her white, cottony wings, calming me down as she prepared to speak to me, softly and cautiously.

“You… are braver than anyone I have ever known. Did you know that?”

I glumly shook my head, my nose rubbing against the dirt in the grass and snuffling uncomfortably.

“You’re beautiful, too. We all go through tough times, Raine. Your mother is gone, your emotions are wild and you can’t keep your friends - you are driven away from sympathy and compassion, and you just want to be alone - all the time.

It’s a dark, dark time for you. But you’re so brave and creative. You tell wonderful stories, and I know that, when you’re happy, you can draw up alternate situations in your head than the one that you are actually in. I’m just a distraction from your depression. But, Raine, you can fight it. In such a time of darkness… just don’t forget to turn on the light.

Your spirit is strong, and you’re fierce as well. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything - anything - that I’ve done the past few weeks if I hadn’t been with you. You’re adventurous, whilst I’ve always been careful and afraid. You’ve driven me out of that haze, and I finally see the world more clearly than just an elated bubble that requires no exploration.

You’re the first best friend that I’ve ever had, Raine, and I hate seeing you like this. I know you can do this. Imagine... you’re under the pond. You’re your own reflection. You - you’ve discovered there’s nothing to be afraid of. Nothing but a silly reflection. Imagine you’re smiling, and the person above you is smiling back at you. You’re controlling yourself, and your anger and fear is gone. There’s nothing more to fear but clear water. Just smiling… seizing the day.”

Closing my eyes and taking her words to heart, I was able to imagine - vividly. I escaped the world, the crowded city and Gloria’s tearful gaze. I was under the water, looking up and the world and chuckling at everyone’s complex thoughts. How foolish they must be to see anything more than a vivid world, as that is all that I can see. All I see is those staring upon me, contemplating themselves in the water.

I’m under the water, and my eyes are closing. I’m drifting away, the Munchlax above me smiling glumly as she, also, closes her eyes and begins to fade.

~~~
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Last edited by Splishee; 07-11-2008 at 12:45 PM.
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  #4  
Old 07-02-2008, 11:26 AM
Splishee Offline
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Default Re: Confessions of a Desolate Mind [Summer Writing Comp]

~~~


The beautiful, joyful times we shared were lost in my complex mind, swimming in the smoky sky above me, ridden with wispy clouds amongst the darkness. I slept soundlessly and quietly, recalling the incidents that had left me in such a state as my mind span.

Where had Gloria gone? Where had I gone? All I knew was that, upon waking up one morning, my entire perception of the world around me had been hopelessly altered, surrounded by rocks and gritty terrain that was unfamiliar.

I had been transported against my will, the Munchlax and Snorlax pack knowing that I would be extremely unwilling to leave the paradise I had so blissfully enjoyed for the weeks Gloria and I had shared. In the dead of the night, whilst I dreamt my oddly-peaceful dreams, they had transported me to the destination of the rocky mountain tops, the gut-wrenching cliffs that seemed to go on forever - the warmth of the volcano around us supporting the Munchlax and Snorlax in the cold, harsh times of Winter.

Shaking my head, I stood up tall and stared reproachfully up into the mountain that loomed over me, like an intimidating hawk casting an eerie shadow over its prey. I cleared my throat, soaking up the confidence within me and preventing the dreaded tears from falling. Choking dismally, I shook violently as I prepared to scream out into the heavens…

“Gl - Gloria?” The screech that I had anticipated came out only in a dull, miserable whimper. My voice shook like a young child’s, wavering in emotion as I closed my eyes and pretended that the dullness above me had never happened.

Gloria had come. The exact same mountain before me began to form again in my mind’s eye, the colours vivid and strong in the cool night as I imagined a dull squawking in the distance. I imagined a small figure descending from the mountain, her eyes glassy with joy as she prepared to engulf me in hugs of uttermost joy. I smiled to myself, immersing myself in the illusion I created, feeling the soft breeze against my face and forcing myself to believe it was the faint ‘whoosh’ of Gloria’s wings as she landed before me.

“Hi Raine,” she would say, her eyes brimming with tears of joy as she took in the Munchlax I had become.

“Hi Gloria,” I would answer politely, the world suddenly glowing brighter as the night vanished before us, the sun rising gloriously as though it had been there all along.

“I can’t believe we’re finally meeting again,” Gloria would proclaim, grinning and continuing to let out a tinkling laugh that was so familiar to me.

“It’s been so long,” I would agree lightly, nodding my head enthusiastically.

The world would begin to dim around us as my mind began to conjure up demons that had haunted me, reflecting in front of the simplistic illusion before me.

“Tell me Raine,” Gloria would begin, jokingly and light-heartedly. “How come you left?”

“We both knew I had to leave,” I would cut in quickly, repeating the same excuses that I had given to Gloria for the long decade in my mind’s eye. “We knew that time would come. They took me away, knowing it would be hard… you knew that it was better that way.”

“How come you left?” Gloria would repeat, her face beginning to lose the humour it would have contained; the humour being replaced by raw emotion, her face crumpled in pain. “Why didn’t you say goodbye? You were almost well again. If you saw me longer, you wouldn’t be like this, Raine. You wouldn’t be so desolate…”

I would then begin to scream, clawing at Gloria with all my might as I would thrust myself out of the illusion, crying out that it needed to stop. Gloria’s eyes were filled with so much intensity with her words as the forest around us grew dimmer with the darkening of the emotions in the situation. The trees ebbed and swayed eerily, as though the malicious beings agreed silently with every word that came out of Gloria’s petite, smooth beak.

And then, I was back.

Laying on the ground, the alternate reality vanished as I sat up, shaking my head as I looked before me. I half-expected Gloria to be sitting there, her eyes brimming with tears as she engulfed me with her terrible glare - accusatory and resentful, cutting me deeply even in the illusion that my mind had set for myself.

And yet, there was nothing. Not even the trees, rocking to and fro wistfully, offered me any reassurance as I sighed dismally, hating myself for the alternate reality. Were these illusions really necessary? Did they help me confront myself at all?

I considered this. Gloria had actually appreciated me for who I was, hadn’t she? She thought I was a truly beautiful person - an individual, worthy of a great life despite the events that had happened to me.

Gloria, with that much compassion, deserved as much good in her life as I did. This wasn’t about me - I wasn’t worthless. I had provided as much support for her than she had for me, hadn’t I? Gloria was just as desolate as me… in her own special way, hiding her fears and sorrows, preferring to not bother others with petty thoughts that disturbed her.

Shaking my head, I crept over to the pond lying by the uncouth and wild grass, intertwined with weeds. My reflection smiled wistfully back at me, and I suddenly knew something.

We had supported each other. I had attempted to support her, as others had done to me. Others around me felt like I had when I attempted to comfort Gloria when she complained about the smug Altaria around her. I wasn’t worthless - I was a normal Pokemon, and I deserved as equally as any other the ability to strive for a second chance.

A roar of a vicious monster in the distance shook me away from my thoughts, my mouth blubbering pointlessly as I attempted to regain control of reality. The harmless recounts which flooded my dreaming mind were pleasant and simplistic; was it so wrong to wish to be engulfed in beautiful memories rather than harsh reality?

I sighed, staring around me as I recollected the harsh abandonment of the Snorlax. They had been so adoring and careful of me; as though I was a tiny, breakable doll, only to be treated with the uttermost care. I had maintained my composure around my pack of Pokemon, but I knew so clearly that they could see right through my pointless faÁade. Every night I had wept, my tears staining each desolate leaf that would rest below me; my wails stifled by my tense, angry claws as I tried so hard not to disturb those around me. But they knew; and they were sick of it.

As caring as the rotten back-stabbers had pretended they would be, I had always known of their conniving, vicious ways. They only followed strict rules of the pack mentality, abandoning others carelessly if they were not up to standard. A group of prissy, proud Snorlax, it was only too easy for them to abandon others who they decided were not fit to be with them; if they were emotionally unstable and depressing to the Pokemon around them, it was certain that they had to go.

Upon waking up one day they were simply… gone. The hushed whispers and dirty, yet slightly pitying looks I had experienced a few days before had led to my suspicions, but I never knew it would be taken this far out of hand. In a wretch back to reality I had realised that my constant moping and living in the past had given all around me a reason to simply leave me there, immersed in my memories forever.

I had taken the chance to mope, sniffling and dirty, from the harsh mountain area to the forest which lay beneath - to the very spot which I lay upon here. Only a few days ago had they abandoned me, and only a few days had I lay here, miserable and cold - still intertwined with my pathetic memories. Perhaps I would just be better off doing -

There was a rustle in the bushes beside me. What was that?

Another rustle. I gulped, my mind spinning as a thousand possibilities of attack ran through my mind, different forms of terrible monsters which had haunted my nightmares coming to life in the form of the unknown presence behind the bush.

I sniffled. “Hello? Who - who’s there?”

There was a small cough in the bushes, and suddenly, a large, slim body protruded out of the bushes and leaped before me. It was a cream-coloured creature, with four spindly limbs that were oddly controlled and a tall, lanky body adorned with rough material in colours of green and khaki; as though attempting to camouflage with its choice of material despite the cream of its bright skin. It shook its head absent-mindedly, the sandy-coloured hair which lay upon its skull growing shaggy and slightly tussled, its handsome, but eager, brown eyes staring beadily into mine.

I gulped. The creature was, without a doubt - a human.

Not just any human. Upon the thin strip of material around the lower clothing lay small, round balls of the colours of red and white. They gleamed in the dim light, and I sensed a faint hum of energy coming from them. I gulped. They were, without a doubt, the mechanisms that Jealla had told me about - Pokeballs, the tools used to ‘capture’ Snorlax once they had proven their worth. This human was a trainer.

The human proceeded to kneel down casually, grinning at me and beginning to give words of encouragement. However, I just couldn’t understand him - it was a strange dialect, filled with rounded sounds and over-exaggerated vowels. The human’s voice was uncannily male - it was a deep tone. The human must have been a boy.

After my look of incredible confusion towards the boy, he rolled his eyes and reached for one of the balls in his belt. I froze, my body shaking as my eyes travelled slowly from his face to the gleaming balls around his waist. I was paralysed with fear; shaking my head slowly as my breathing became tense in the dense bush around me.

I wanted to leap upwards and scream, ‘I’m not a Snorlax, don’t you see? You don’t want me, I’m just a Munchlax! You can only capture Snorlax!’ However, my fear held me back as I suddenly wished for the trainer to leave me alone - the large body to shift away, leaving me to wallow in my self-pity forever more. I couldn’t stand the incredible fear my vulnerable mind was experiencing.

However, the trainer was not about to give up. He edged closer towards me, smiling merrily as he grasped the Pokeball and aimed it at me. For one gut-wrenching second, I was positive that the red energy was about to engulf me - but he shouted a strange name and released another Pokemon from the ball.

The name sounded like, “Quilava!”

Bursting from the Pokeball was a fiery Pokemon - her eyes compassionate, but her body limber and flexible. Her body was a deep navy colour and was long and slender, and ferociously-burning flames adorned her back, constantly crackling with the intense heat radiating from them. I gulped.

“Have no fear,” Quilava said. “My trainer only wishes for me to communicate with you. You seem awfully afraid.”

I had no answer. I continued to stare, entranced, into the burning flames licking her back. She noticed where I stared and chuckled.

“Those are just a part of my body, don’t worry about them. My trainer really wants to know if you’re alright. Would you be interested in being captured?”

Her eyes challenged me, and I looked up towards her. A small flame similar to the ones blazing on her back ignited within me at that moment - as though the faintly taunting challenge had released a natural instict that was centuries old, but carried within me - the natural instinct of a Pokemon to fight. I felt the need to fight.

I didn’t know what I was doing, but before I knew it, my memories had taken control of me. The passionate words of Jealla overcame me, her powerful words of fighting the trainer’s Pokemon in order to prove my worth ringing in my ears, my powerful attacks carried by my utter hatred of her and the entire Snorlax pack - what they had did to me. Their ignorance; so disgusting and vile, bringing out spite and hate as I attacked the Quilava infront of me.

Quilava’s eyes were wide and afraid for a second, before she enthusiastically returned the favour and blasted my clawing fingernails with a sharp burst of flame from her mouth. She seemed taken aback; as did her trainer. She seemed to want to calm me down, to not cause the fighting - and something inside of me agreed with her. What was I doing?

But the eager voice inside of me, desperate for approval and acceptance, kept my spirit alive. It told me, hauntingly and tauntingly whispering that they were teasing me - they wanted me to attack the Quilava in order to prove my worth. They wanted to see the most fierce side of me. I - I was going to be captured! At last, finally given the chance to belong somewhere?

Enthusiastic, my body on an exhilarating high level of emotions, I leaped towards Quilava, my head thrust infront of me as I unleashed a Headbutt on her, thrusting her back and crashing into her trainer. They shared one frightened glance, which I knew had to be taunting me even further! My Munchlax body growled, the animalistic traits of my existence forming into one ferocious battle stance, waiting for the next move.

The trainer and the Pokemon knew that I was not some empty threat - they immediately scrambled upwards, Quilava still maintaining the face of compassion, as though wanting me to calm down. But she had to be taunting me… didn’t she? Didn’t they want me to prove myself to them? I leaped forward yet again at the same time as Quilava did, tumbling in and out of each other’s way as we weaved, me dodging her licking flames with surprising agility and flexibility.

The world was on fire; Quilava’s effortlessly engulfing flames were all around me from rolling on the grass, spread everywhere and creating some sort of twisted fire arena. The flames were hot and caused sweat to drip from the fur upon my head; but I wasn’t giving up. I ran towards the Pokemon yet again, my claws beared to unleash a devastating Slash on the Pokemon’s plush, slender body.

As my claws sunk into Quilava and droplets of red gushed out from her body, she howled in pain and thrust her body towards me, driven only by blind pain. She unleashed a large Flamethrower from her mouth; a spinning vortex of fire which engulfed me, causing my entire body to be burnt violently. My entire nervous system was screaming in pain; the fire licked at my outside, the white-hot pain so terrible I could hardly scream.

As I looked up from my blanket of destructive fire, I saw the trainer’s eyes light up as he began to scream commands to Quilava. He had been frightened for his beloved Pokemon at first - but now the battle was drawing to a close, he was eager to get involved and cheer his Pokemon on. My face writhed in anger; it was as though he chose to come back when the battle was won, instead of sticking around when his Pokemon was in the most of need. It was a sick metaphor to the situation I was experiencing with the Snorlax; in my situation of helpless need, they had chosen to get rid of me - instead of striving to make it better, they rejected my silent pleas, preferring to live their lives without a loser’s hassle.

I roared in anger and pain as I lept out of the fire, rushing towards the Quilava in my very last attempt to secure victory and be captured; finally captured, away from the constant loneliness. I began to Headbutt, Slash and slam my body thoroughly onto the Quilava with such ferocity that I had no idea what impact I was having. I was blinded by adrenaline and overwhelming happiness that I was about to become captured. I continued to attack Quilava mercilessly, slamming by body onto her and tearing at her fur, half-hoping that I wasn’t hurting the kind Pokemon, yet also knowing that the more bloodthirsty I allowed myself to become… the more I would be accepted and loved in the end…

And then suddenly, the Pokemon was gone. Her pleas of mercy were extinguished with a red beam, her sweating trainer almost crying out of worry for his Pokemon. I was clawing at the air now; looking around expectantly, waiting for the red beam of light to come hurtling towards me. I caught the glance of the trainer, and as I heaved my chest breathlessly as I attempted to breathe, our gazes were locked.

His face was, surprisingly, incredulous. He stared upon me, a look of pure disgust and pity; hating me. My expression faltered as I began to crumple, my overwhelming confidence collapsing yet again; knowing I had been mistaken. All along; mistaken and blinded. I fell to his feet, weeping, knowing that it was all wrong… the perception I had learnt, the lies I had been told - all wrong.

Sparing one last look of disgust, he slowly dragged himself away from my weeping, crumpled body. I wailed helplessly, wishing for him to return - for my desired love to be returned to me. The only acceptance since Gloria - it deserved to be mine. As he quickly ran away, afraid of my vicious nature, I was oddly silent. My body shuddered in a silent scream as the constant, aching wish inside of me began to develop before my eyes; an illusion before me, a blissful dream that turned into reality.

I let it engulf me. I let it overcome me.

The trainer would have returned. The sky would have brightened; the beautiful sunlight poring down as my body was pulled up in a wonderful mood. The trainer would have looked down upon me, his face alight and his sandy hair swaying softly in the wind. His eyes would have been adoring - he would have loved me. Accepted me. Known of my potential… wanting to help me.

I would have reached out, my entire existence utterly grateful for the person who would have stood infront of me. In an unmistakable bond of friendship, he would have extended his arm; the beautiful flow of red energy engulfing me into the Pokeball which he secretly held - a surprise for me that he knew I would love.

As I was contained in the Pokeball, the blissful dream, my new reality I had forcefully chosen, wouldn’t remain. The bright rays of the sunlit day kept fading; my real state of mind too tearing and destructive for my unstable illusions to ignore. I screamed, forcing myself to keep myself in my alternate reality… the crumpled Munchlax on the forest floor, being slowly destroyed by her emotions; ripping and tearing so violently, was of existence no more. No more. My bedraggled and pathetic being, writhing and screaming in emotional agony would never again be betrayed or hurt… the pain was beginning to numb. At last.

And then the Munchlax, contained in her blissful Pokeball, would know of the beautiful future she was expecting. Bonds of friendship; never ending. Trust and dependence; never faltering. Blissful emotions; never fading.

I would be desolate no more.

~~~
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Last edited by Splishee; 07-02-2008 at 11:30 AM.
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Old 07-10-2008, 08:36 PM
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Default Re: Confessions of a Desolate Mind [Summer Writing Comp]

Story/Plot:
Okay, so this is basically about a Munchlax that doesnít really fit into his pack after his mom dies. They want good up to health and strong Snorlax/Munchlax, but Raine is a bit emotionally unstable since his mom had died. One of his Snorlax friends tells him about trainers and whatnot capturing his kind. Then he meets a Swablu, and they become great, great, great, great friends. Swablu too, is kind of emotionally unstable and thinks fighting with trainers is completely wrong, and terrible, etc. though her sisters are dragons that take pride in fighting to defending their turf, eventually Raine gets left out from his pack - and Swablu - and gets spotted by a trainer, and then they battle to, Raine only realizes how much of a beast he has become and wishes he could go back, or something like that.

This was a very emotional story, obviously with all the suffering and dying going on throughout it. But, that put a nice feel onto it, it really makes me as a reader get into the story a lot more when something like that happens - something I can really get into or understand, or even something simple and funÖ this was really both. I have to say it wasnít the most complicated of stories, but the way you added onto the plot, made it more enjoyable than most stories that are written in the URPG. And there wasnít just all sadness throughout the story, you had times of happiness, times off disgust, times of everything.

Bringing in emotion to a story is a bit hard to do, especially when itís a bigger part of a story like this, since Raineís mother died and that I would imagine would take a huge toll on your mind, and he never really got over it, which makes me wonder what will ever happen to him. Will he ever got out of his little alternate reality, or will he face real reality? And the sad part about this is that he is very out of his life - not exactly into life, very out of his mind not paying attention to much. A times I felt very sad for him, which is good, making the reader feel how the things/person/whatever in the story feel means that theyíre getting connected to the story; meaning youíre doing a good job writing.

If there is one thing I will ever wonder about this story is how you made something so simple so beautiful. :x Really. How did you make this story soÖ awesome. Itís not like this was a boring plot that anyone could do anything with, but its something you made perfectly, I donít see a single problem with this plot for a demanding Pokemon, even if after done reading it all seems so simple. But hey, maybe thatís just me. xD

Amazing. Thatís what I can call this story from now on, not much - or anything else I can say about this since wellÖ I said everything I wanted to say. Good, very good job here.

Introduction:
This was very attention grabbing. It had something that not every other story has, which is something in the beginning to get the readers attention. I think the fact that you made everything in the first post or so about the background of Raineís life is what really got my attention. The fact that I didnít know how you were going to go on with the story, made me wonder what the heck you doing at all. K But then I got it, which made me want to read more and more. I really just couldnít stop readingÖ thatís really what you want them to do, Iíve said this a lot, but you want the reader to not be able to stop reading, not want to read more. They may seem like the same exact thing, but theyíre different.

Grammar/Spelling:
Oh jeez. This was pretty damn flawless, I found only a few mistakes what probably werenít even intention, but I just want to put them out there just so you know what youíre doing wrong at times so you can look for what is goingÖ not good with your grammar even though its like the two littlest mistakes anyone could ever make, now Iíll stop rambling on and show you the little mistakes that Iíve been rambling on about. :X

Quote:
I closed my eyes and letting the water wash away the tears,
You want ďletĒ I believe, or it may just sound wrong to me. x_x

Quote:
ďRaine! Raine! Itís raining, Raine! Youíre going to get wet..Ē
You want three periods or else itís not an ellipses (Ö). You did this a few times in the beginning, and end of the story. Might want to check that out. :o

Quote:
ďHi Raine,Ē she would say, her eyes brimming with tears of joy as she took in the Munchlax I had become.
You want a comma on the word before addressing someone. So it would be ďHi, RaineÖĒ

Length:
You could have 10k less and Iíd be okay with this story. @_@

Detail:
Hmm. I canít say very much about this since it was so awesomely awesome in its awesomeness. @_@ Yes, as you can I see, I liked your detail very much. It was very lively and I could see just about you talked about, the Munchlaxí fur, the mountains, the trainer, the QuilavaÖ sheesh. Anything you set your mind to describe I could see lovely. Even the smaller things you didnít describe at all or very much I could see. Like the description from the other stuff was rubbing off onto the other things in the story. xP

Like I said before, emotion can really bring in a reader - you had that in your story and a hella lot of it. Emotions can show off the character more, and bring connections to the reader and story. Itís a lot like personality, which you had a bit of, but I could see adding a bit more of the character into the story - sure you showed their emotion, but make it feel like Iíve know Raine and the other main characters, like really known them in real life. Not just knowing them for a bit, but understanding them, etc.

Showing off your characters is what you want to do with description, and I think you know that by how the way you put them into the story - they seem real, because the scenarios that theyíre in are seemingly real, and could happen in reality.

Making everything seem real is what you want to aim for, though weíre talking about Pokemon, you can make everything seem real even if it isnít. Right? Itís not that hard to do, really. And you seem to do a great job with it.

Battle:
This was great too. I could see it being a lot longer, but the other parts of your story seem to bring this to less needed. But donít forget battles are the usually fun part to read, so without one, or a short one the story is less exciting, even if this story isnít meant to be exciting - the story is a bit less of what you would want at the end. Maybe you rushed a bit on the battle, take your time, flush it out. Make it long and juicy. This was only a few attacks, you could in some more. The battle was really just Munchlax thrashing around with his claws and getting smashed into by flames. Sure, thatís a battle. But look, itís a Munclax, itís going to take a few hits. Like I said, make it believable, like it would happen in reality. This isnít reality, itís Pokemon. But in the games, Munchlax can take a few hits. Even if its lazy. You can sure use a lot of attacks too. Switch the battle up a bit, make it fun and long.

This was good, but I could see some improvements, just make sure you arenít forgetting about some attacks that Pokemon learn, if they have a big move pool use all of the moves they can learn (well, not all, but more than only two or three). That makes the battle a lot more fun to read. I mean címon, the longer the better with battles - though you want good quality too. Haha.

Final Outcome:
This story sure was great. Q.Q I donít know what else to say about it. If anything I can say good job and keep writing. I know you can do a lot with your ability to writeÖ as this story is simply amazing. And I donít think I gave a good enough grade for you. D: But ah well, itíll have to do. Munchlax captured!!

Good luck in the Summer Comp. Iím sure youíll do great. ;)
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Old 07-11-2008, 12:35 PM
Splishee Offline
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Default Re: Confessions of a Desolate Mind [Summer Writing Comp]

Thanks for the fantabulous grade, Jr! Loved the long grade and all the constructive stuff you offered, thanks a bunch!

I'll keep in mind those grammar errors. Most of that stuff was just bad habits that I need to shake off. Bringing them to mind should make it a lot easier for future stories. Thanks ^^

About the battle: I know it wasn't the most exciting thing; I did rush it a little. Nicely spotted. xP. However, I wanted to portray Raine's poor knowledge of battle, and the aggression within her (yeah, Raine was a girl... I didn't make that very clear, sorry ) just overcoming her untrained battle techniques. She had no idea what to do and how to act (hence the thrashing of the claws), so the Quilava was just like 'WTF?', xDD. I had planned that the battle wouldn't exactly be lively; I loved the dark, emotionally wrecking side that I attempted to set. But, um, yeah, I could have made the battle much better; just explaining my intentions for the lack of excitement, that's all. ^^ -stops making lame excuses-

Thanks for the luck for the comp! And kudos for reading & grading that monster. ^^
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