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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 09-14-2008, 09:30 PM
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Default Altodo's Travels [Chapter 2: The Mind Itself-Please Comment!]

PG, Adventure

Chapter 1

The instant the Sun first rose upon the Earth, Life was born. These primitive creatures seemed simple at first, but evolution developed strange creatures, many different shapes and powers but all the same family. These creatures would be known in the future as Pokemon.

After many years of evolution...

Date: 01.01.2001
Area: Midtown

Altodo was no 'posh' creature. He'd been raised in an alleyway, taught the ways of the street and, for many years, had been known as 'The Night Crawler', a name by which he often traveled. His shortish black fur had been worn rough by his childhood, and his eyes, if you looked to closely into them, locked contact and burnt like wildfire. He was definitely no creature to mess with. Even his kind tended to regard him as a serious threat. So he shied away from the rest of the Umbreons, and underwent a serious transformation into a new species of Eeveelution, a Shadreon. He was the only pure Shadreon.

Many who met him distrusted him, and right they were to do that, for Altodo did not care whether they lived or died, and in the past he had had Pokemon who followed him as a leader, but he would sacrifice them to save himself. Soon, no-one joined him on his prowling, no-one obeyed him. He was a lone wolf. And yet...

Altodo checked the corner. Dead still. Nothing moved in the street, not even the faintest whisper of a wind.
"Perfect." he muttered to himself. He slunk out of the dark alleyway he'd cleverly hidden in. He had been waiting patiently for the sun to shy itself under the horizon. Now, he seemed to float quickly across the ground, his paws deeply muffling his footsteps. He slid silently through the door of the Midtown Store and shot without a sound towards the 'Food' isle. Anyone who had been hiding in the dark, would have only seen the briefest glimpse of a jet-black shadow. Altodo was in his hunting mode, and quickly found what he was looking for- a bitter PokeBlock. He preferred this kind, as it made his senses sharper and keener than they were normally. And the strange thing about Shadreons was that the enhancements stayed. With all other species, the changes faded. But not Altodo. He could hear another Pokemon's emotions.

Which means he was slightly shocked when he heard a voice say:
"If you think you're going to keep that, you have another thing coming."

Altodo turned round slowly. All he could see was cold black shadow. Altodo stepped back as the shadows slowly lifted, revealing the creature inside it...

Feel free to comment now!
~MA~
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Last edited by MegaArticuno; 09-27-2008 at 08:32 AM.
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  #2  
Old 09-19-2008, 05:03 PM
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Default Re: Altodo's Travels [Finished Chapter 1-Please Comment!]

Chapter 2: The Mind Itself

Altodo stared solidly into the slowly receding darkness. How could he not have heard this creature? Suddenly, Altodo heard a piercing, high-pitched sound hit his eardrums with the force of a sledgehammer, and he doubled over in pure agony.

"Never felt anything that painful? Pity. Then again, I didn't expect you to have felt something like that. Not very nice, is it?" said the cold voice, echoing off the shelves.

Altodo had had enough. "Stop toying with me! Show yourself!" he said forcefully.

"Well, if you insist..." it said, and the shadows finally cleared. Altodo was amazed. This creature looked familiar, but not familiar at the same time... Then it clicked. This creature looked similar to an Espeon. He gasped. This must be one of the fabled Litreons. Altodo had heard a story about them. According to Legend, if an Espeon traveled to the Mountain of the Sun, it would undergo a transformation. However, it must have seen the death of its parents. The exact same was true for Shadreons, although Altodo had not known this as he traveled across the land. He had accidentally come across the Sea of the Moon, and had changed violently into a Shadreon. His tail had thinned and bulged at the end, and his ears had bent backwards, as though the wind had blown them over. But more importantly, his Ring-Marks had disappeared, making him an outcast from the Umbreon Community. But this Litreon must be an outcast too, for it only had one set of ears, and one end to its tail. Its colours were also more like the bright colours of a Corsola, but not exactly. It still had some sheen left in it from when it was an Espeon. From its stance, this Litreon must have been a leader.

"Yes. It is true, I am a Litreon." the Litreon explained breezily, judging what Altodo was thinking by the way his mouth was gaping. Altodo realized that his mouth was open too, but shut it a little too late. "But that does not make us the same. Now, kneel!"

"No! I don't bow to anyone!" Altodo replied, knowing what was about to happen. "Come and fight me!"

The Litreon stared at him, trying to bear him down, but Altodo stood his ground. After a while, the Litreon sighed, and opened its mouth. A higher shriek than before came out, forcing Altodo to crouch on the floor. But he wasn't about to give up. He gritted his teeth, and leapt through the air, claws out as if they were slicing the very air. His claw caught the Litreon full on the jaw, which stopped its shriek abruptly.

"So it’s going to be a real fight then? Well, this should be interesting..."

Altodo backed off. The jewel on the forehead of the Litreon started glowing, pulsing like the blood that was racing through Altodo's veins. The Litreon closed its eyes to focus, and it was slowly surrounded by a bluish mist. Altodo could still see the Litreon, but not very easily. He could also see blue light gathering, forming a ball... a ball? Damn, thought Altodo, I need to reflect this attack! He thought quickly, and remembered his Shadreon ability. Slowly, he focused hard. This usually worked with attacks, but he sensed that this one was an extremely violent attack, a ball of pure, undiluted fury. A Frustration attack! He thought. So he focused all his energy into his mind...

BANG!

Altodo opened his eyes. His Shadreon ability, Rebound, had worked. The Frustration had been blasted back at the Litreon. Altodo looked around and found he had been knocked to the wall of the shop, but not seriously injured. He quickly slid across the floor over to the Litreon. It had scorch marks all over it, and a blast crater where it had tried to use the attack. Altodo went quickly to one of the shelves, grabbed a Super Potion and gave it to the Litreon, which stirred.

"W... why are you helping me?" it asked, curiously.

"You may be an enemy, but you don't deserve to die for that. You've gone through the troubles I have, and I need you to help me to reach my full strength." This was true. He had been in battle against an Electabuzz before, and had been knocked out cold.

"Fine... I shall help you. My name... it is Leon." Leon said, struggling to his feet.

"Altodo. Nice to meet you." Altodo replied. "Let's go to my place..."

And so they left the shop, into the dark, mysterious night ahead...




Unbeknownst to them both, another creature had been hiding in the shadows. Helios the Gligar, Savaros' minion, had kept itself in the rafters, and had heard everything. He thought carefully back to the Prophecy. 'When the two evolved outcasts fight, their friendship formed will eradicate all evil.'

"Damn." he muttered to himself. He flew out of the shop roof, to report back to Savaros that his downfall could be near...


Please comment if you liked it!
~MA~
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Last edited by MegaArticuno; 09-27-2008 at 08:30 AM.
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  #3  
Old 09-19-2008, 05:03 PM
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Default Re: Altodo's Travels [Finished Chapter 1-Please Comment!]

Character Profiles:

Altodo
Personality: Cool, collected. Doesn't let much get the better of him. He prefers fighting up close, but will change to distance if seriously needed.
Looks like: http://img229.imageshack.us/my.php?image=altodokr0.png

Leon
Personality: Assumes he is better than everyone else, but is often wrong. He prefers fighting from a distance.
Looks Like: http://img440.imageshack.us/my.php?image=leoneu1.png

Banners:
None as yet.

(Sorry I have to link the images, I tried to put them directly up and it wouldn't work.)
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Last edited by MegaArticuno; 09-27-2008 at 08:51 AM.
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  #4  
Old 09-21-2008, 11:10 AM
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Default Re: Altodo's Travels [Chapter 2: The Mind Itself-Please Comment!]

Please post comments and criticisms here, I need to know how I can improve this story!

~MA~
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  #5  
Old 09-26-2008, 11:09 PM
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Default Re: Altodo's Travels [Chapter 2: The Mind Itself-Please Comment!]

Wow, really well done with the description, MA. ^^

I caught a few mistakes; I might go over it later.

Great job otherwise. The only thing is that you should try to make your chapters longer.
If this were an actual book, the chapters would be WAY too short.

But good job. ^^
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  #6  
Old 09-27-2008, 08:21 AM
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Default Re: Altodo's Travels [Chapter 2: The Mind Itself-Please Comment!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
Wow, really well done with the description, MA. ^^

I caught a few mistakes; I might go over it later.

Great job otherwise. The only thing is that you should try to make your chapters longer.
If this were an actual book, the chapters would be WAY too short.

But good job. ^^
Thanks! I'm working on Chapter 3 now.
~MA~
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  #7  
Old 09-27-2008, 08:26 AM
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Default Re: Altodo's Travels [Chapter 2: The Mind Itself-Please Comment!]

Good. It would be nice to see some longer chapters.

About one post is a good enough size.

Make it detailed! ^^
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