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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 10-22-2008, 06:11 PM
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Default Clouds End

Clouds End
This is a story about a young man seeking out the Legendary Pokémon of Change.


This is my first fanfic. I would appreciate it if you would comment. Since English is my second language any suggestions (tips, spelling rules, language rules etc.) that can make me a better writer will be well received. Oh, and don’t forget to post positive things too. :)

Since it will be exams soon, updates may be posted irregularly. I will try to post one chapter every two weeks. When the exams are over I will try and post more than one chapter a week.

Hope you enjoy the story.
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"I know about people who talk about suffering for the common good. It's never bloody them! When you hear a man shouting "Forward, brave comrades!" you'll see he's the one behind the bloody big rock and wearing the only really arrow-proof helmet!"
- Terry Pratchett, "Interesting Times"

Last edited by Mithstar; 10-28-2008 at 10:28 AM. Reason: Already a typo! No wonder I have only two fans. ;P
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  #2  
Old 10-22-2008, 06:12 PM
LugiaAeroBlast Offline
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Default Re: Clouds End

i`ll try to follow!
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  #3  
Old 10-22-2008, 06:13 PM
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Default Re: Clouds End

Chapter 1: The Future of the Past

“I’ve had enough of this.”
“Just be patient darling”, Mith’s mother, Jocelyn, replied.
“But I have been patient for three years”, Mith continued. “My life is fading before my eyes.”
“Don’t look at it that way Mith”, his mother said with concern in her voice. “Look at how much better you are than three years ago…”
“But I’m still not cured”, Mith interrupted. “I’ve had enough of this.” And with that Mith starts toward the front door.
“Where are you going”, his mother asked in a gentle tone.
“To the library”, Mith replied without looking back.

Mith’s illness started when he was 18 years old. One day he was happily playing tennis with a friend when both his hands started shaking. Soon his whole body was shaking as if he was shivering, only, he wasn’t cold. The next day he went to a doctor. They ran a few tests on him, but all the results came back fine. The doctor told him that he was one hundred percent health and that he could find nothing wrong with him. But this was not the case. Whenever Mith put strain on his body, he would start to shiver. If he ignored the shivering and continued with whatever he was doing, he would soon find himself on his knees vomiting. For two years he visited doctors in different cities, searching for answers. But, it was to no avail, until he met a doctor in Vermillion City. She used electric Pokémon to do energy therapy. For over a year Mith underwent this energy therapy. But, although it helped him get through everyday life without any mishaps, it still didn’t mean that he could do as he pleased. Too much strain on his body still resulted in him ending up shaking and shivering.

Finally Mith stands in front of the Cerulean City Library. It is one of the oldest buildings in Cerulean City, built in an antic Roman-style. He passes in between the two Noctowl pillars entering the library. Rows of bookshelves greet him. “Well, time to see what my future holds”, Mith mutters to himself as he passes the library counter on his way to the medical and health books section.

After an hour of fruitless searching, Mith starts putting back the books he though could be of help. “What is this”, Mith asks as he removes a book labeled, Miracle Pokémon Healing Myths… He starts paging through the book. All kinds of fascinating diseases, cures and wellness tips are discussed. One double page captures his attention. It’s a picture of a light blue lizard-like dragon coiled in and out of a huge cloud. At the bottom of the page is written: “An old folk legend tells of a Legendary Dragon Pokémon that flies on the Winds of Change. He will grant change to those who are skilled enough to seek him out…”
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"I know about people who talk about suffering for the common good. It's never bloody them! When you hear a man shouting "Forward, brave comrades!" you'll see he's the one behind the bloody big rock and wearing the only really arrow-proof helmet!"
- Terry Pratchett, "Interesting Times"
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  #4  
Old 10-22-2008, 06:19 PM
LugiaAeroBlast Offline
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Default Re: Clouds End

oooh, cliffhanger, that sounds really good so far!
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  #5  
Old 10-22-2008, 06:55 PM
Poké-Flem Offline
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Default Re: Clouds End

Well written, exciting and I like that sickness. When a main character is flawed, it makes the story that much more exciting.

Can't wait till you write more chapters
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  #6  
Old 10-24-2008, 07:23 PM
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Default Re: Clouds End

Well, I'm halfway with the second chapter. I hope to have it up in two days time. But I'll give you a little sneak preview. A new character will be introduced, and another cliffhanger on its way... (Evil smile)
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"I know about people who talk about suffering for the common good. It's never bloody them! When you hear a man shouting "Forward, brave comrades!" you'll see he's the one behind the bloody big rock and wearing the only really arrow-proof helmet!"
- Terry Pratchett, "Interesting Times"
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  #7  
Old 10-24-2008, 10:28 PM
Poké-Flem Offline
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Default Re: Clouds End

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mithstar View Post
Well, I'm halfway with the second chapter. I hope to have it up in two days time. But I'll give you a little sneak preview. A new character will be introduced, and another cliffhanger on its way... (Evil smile)
Just get that damned chapter out, man
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  #8  
Old 10-26-2008, 10:52 AM
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Default Re: Clouds End

Chapter 2: Dying Dreams

“Geez, it’s not like we splashed everyone with our dive”, grumbles Mia to herself as she walks out of the Cerulean Gym and heads toward the riverbank. “The judges were still dry.
Oh, I can hear daddy” as she starts impersonating her father’s voice, “I had to cancel my meeting so that I could come straighten out this mess. So, let’s see, this is the third school you dropped out of.”
“Daddy, this time…”
“First there was business school”, the side of his jaw twitching slightly, “then Pokémon Tech…”
“They were mean…”
“AND now you drop out of show school”, he’ll cut in. “Do you know how that makes me look as CEO of Battle Stadium!”

“Geez, I’m going to be in so much trouble”, Mia moans to the sky as she walks out of the city. Standing still on the outskirts of the city, she takes in the beautiful view. A green grassland stretches out in front of her, the grass swaying as the wind playfully dances through it. A stroke of trees runs along the grassland. From far one can’t see it, but the trees hides a river that runs all the way from the mountains right past Cerulean City. With the wind blowing through her hair, Mia starts toward the river.

Coming to the riverbank, Mia notices Mith already sitting by the riverbank. Smiling to herself she walks to join him. This is exactly how they met each other three years ago. Back then she had a really bad day and just needed to get out. She went to the riverbank and found Mith there. She introduced herself and they started talking. Turned out he also had a really bad day and that he decided to seek out the peace nature offered. They talked till it was dark that day, finally going home, but each with a new friend in their hearts.

“Bad day”, asks Mia as she lowers herself next to Mith. “The pits”, Mith replies without looking up. “Join the club”, Mia mutters to herself. “What’s that”, Mith asks, preoccupied with his own problems. “Uhm, oh, nothing, uhm, so, tell me what went wrong today”, Mia manages to get out. “Well, yesterday in the library I stumbled across this book with a Pokémon legend in it”, Mith begins the story. “According to the legend there exists this Pokémon that has the power to change things. So, I thought that I would seek it out and ask it to take away my disease. But, the book said that it only shows itself to skillful trainers. So, early this morning I went to the Cerulean Gym to ask for a Pokémon so that I can become a Pokémon trainer. But, they had no spare Pokémon for trainers, since they started their Pokémon Show School. Can you believe that? I mean, they are a GYM. They are suppose to help young and upcoming trainers. Anyways, how was …” A loud shriek interrupts their conversation. “What was that”, Mia asks with worry in her voice.
“I don’t know, but it came from down the river”, Mith replies, already getting up and running towards where the sound came from.

Coming around a bend they are greeted by a Pokémon battle. Daisy, one of the Cerulean Gym leaders, is battling two twins in funny clothing. “Horsea, water gun”, Daisy shouts. Horsea obeys immediately, shooting jets of water at the two Spearow it is facing. The Spearow doesn’t even try to dodge it, getting soaked by the water. The two twins only starts grinning and then in unison shout, “Spearow, mirror move.” The Spearow, crowing in pleasure, flap their wet wings, sending jets of water back towards Horsea. “We have got to help her! She’ll never be able to beat two trainers at once”, Mia observes in dismay. “I’m on it”, Mith replies with a mischievous smile on his face. He quickly stoops for two rocks and then takes aim at a Beedrill nest. His first shot flies true, hitting the nest. Five angry Beedrill’s comes out of the nest. Shouting at them, Mith throws another stone in their direction and then starts running towards the battle shouting things like you better leave Daisy alone or Beedrill, fury attack. In an angry buzz the Beedrill starts chasing Mith.

The twins noticing the shouts turn their attention away from the battle toward the noise. Seeing a kid with five Beedrill running towards them, screaming all kinds of threats to them, is enough encouragement for them to start running. It worked, they are running away, Mith thinks to himself with immense pride. But, the feeling was short-lived. How am I supposed to get rid of this Beedrill chasing us? I’m already feeling weak and won’t be able to run much longer, Mith thinks to himself worried. After five more minutes of chasing the twins along the river and running away from the Beedrill, Mith thinks to himself. Can’t go on any longer. Must think of something, before… Mith’s vision begins to blacken at the edges. Before… Before…
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"I know about people who talk about suffering for the common good. It's never bloody them! When you hear a man shouting "Forward, brave comrades!" you'll see he's the one behind the bloody big rock and wearing the only really arrow-proof helmet!"
- Terry Pratchett, "Interesting Times"
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  #9  
Old 10-26-2008, 12:30 PM
Poké-Flem Offline
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Default Re: Clouds End

Damn! Mith is gonna die!

Lol, how will he get himself out of this pinch?

The story is exciting, keep writing

BTW, I like the idea of GYMs helping upcoming trainers :)
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  #10  
Old 11-01-2008, 01:16 AM
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Default Re: Clouds End

Very good! I can't even tell English isn't your first language! One tip: After the quotes, put the coma, period, exclamation point, or semicolin inside the quotes. Just a tip ^_^
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Last edited by TheDarkEevee; 11-09-2008 at 05:07 PM.
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  #11  
Old 11-01-2008, 10:15 AM
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Default Re: Clouds End

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheDarkEevee View Post
Very good! I can't even tell English is your first language! One tip: After the quotes, put the coma, period, exclamation point, or semicolin inside the quotes. Just a tip ^_^
Thanks for the tip; I will keep it in mind when writing! :)

My third chapter will be posted after 12 November because the university exams keep my nose buried inside of my books.
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"I know about people who talk about suffering for the common good. It's never bloody them! When you hear a man shouting "Forward, brave comrades!" you'll see he's the one behind the bloody big rock and wearing the only really arrow-proof helmet!"
- Terry Pratchett, "Interesting Times"
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  #12  
Old 11-02-2008, 01:57 AM
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Default Re: Clouds End

Lol, I know the feeling.
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  #13  
Old 11-04-2008, 04:05 PM
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Default Re: Clouds End

good. great. awesome. glorious. supreme!
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