Team: Nameless Soldiers
The Adventure That Never Happened and The Murderous Behavior of Mod's
Authors Notes: errrr. I think I was partically insane whilst writing this. (MY WAR SUBMISSION)
A fly was crush against the cool surface of painted glass (which was covered in hues of green and orange for unknown reasons). Two fingers plucked the wriggling fly from the window, as the fly murderer lifted the small creature to his eye. Pinching it by its crushed wings he laughed.
“Finally got you, I have won this war. I Rust, have pwned you little fly”
Rust jeered, before crushing the fly between his forefinger and thumb. If the fly could speak, you would have heard its small high pitched wail of terror as Rust’s fingers crushed his fragile brain. ‘Curse you Rust! In all your ilk!’ he would have cried. But all that could be heard was the crunching of the flies exoskeleton. It was a horrible thing to do, kill the fly like that. He had a wife and kids back in the old fig tree Rust kept in his backyard (Rust had a odd obsession with finding and sculpting faces into figs)
Fathoms below the earth sat a old, crumpled man, surrounded my flowing magma and sparking coals. He was folded over, a large hunch sprouting from his back. Skin as gray as death, his face haggard and deranged. He had a glass eyes for in one socket and a purple marble in the other, his lips coated in cherry red lipstick.
“Smarrrrrrthhhhnagarrr!” He chanted. But nothing happened. His followers, the magma floating about his feet, Did nothing but sizzle and hiss in anticipation. The crippled old man dusted himself up to triy again.
“Arrraggggggggmafooofanaaaa!” He bellowed, his head thrown to the sky (or rather, the ground above him). Still nothing happened. The magma at his feet began to bubble with anxiety and anger.
“Frafrafra?” the man whimpered to the earths core, and still, not even a ploom of smoke rose to him.
The magma heaved itself away, rolling down the cragged hills of the underworld in disgust. Away from the tired old man and his false chants. Dissatisfied with himself, the crumpled old fool, hobbled to a rocky outcropping and flung himself to the ground. “Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuyyyyyeee???” He screeched into the rock. Bashing his hands into its black surface.
He had failed, he had failed at the upbringing of the Margmar (the earth’s core) to destroy the surface dwellers. He and he alone, had been cursed for all eternity, to wait until the exact day when Margmar would be brought up to the surface. Now he would never see Margmar destroy the surface dwellers.
“Fwuuueeeee!!!” he screeched and threw himself into the open pit of fire, down down down, he plummeted to the center of the earth. Until his body hit the white hot ocean of magma.
His magma followers shrugged
“That was pppppoointless. Now we have to wait 4 billion 5 hundred and 3.45 hours until Margmar can be awakened. And destroy Rust and Neo…”
they sizzled and flowed off.
…well, I guess Rust and Neo won’t
be battling the evil magma king to save all of pe2k…bummer.
“Your not serious are you?”
Neo questioned Rust, when he told him of the annoying fly and its tale.
“Am I ever anything but Neo?”
there was a crashing outside. The two mods stood up, poke balls in hand. To investigate the loud noise.
there was a teenager outside, ramming his hard head against the wall. Over and over and over and over. Rust and Neo stared somewhat amazed at the stupidity of the teen. The boy was grease pit. His hair was oily and gross, hanging all in his eyes, his face was covered in red pimples. And his hands were curled slightly, suggesting carpel tunnel syndrome. The youth continued the self impalement. Rust raised a eyebrow.
“Uuuuuhhh. Hey are you lost or something? Because that, the dismantling of a mod’s house with ones head, is breaking the rules here in Pe2k.”
The kid turned to them, monstrously a look of ferocity in his eyes. Suddenly he opened his mouth and let out a mighty roar, so loud, so earthshakingly annoying, it was almost harmonized. From his mouth spewed a Internet Explorer Windows, filled with Spam and random videos of dancing cats. Then the boy thrust his hands forward and sent a bunch of windows advertising another Forum at them.
Rust cried turning around in slo-mo tackling him and Neo to the ground to avoid being spammed. They hit the ground with a dull thud.
Neo tucked and rolled, turning to face the spammer, he pulled out a deadly (and unnecessarily large) machine gun from his pocket (yes his pocket, he likes having big pockets for her various “Noob pwning” guns) “DIE SPAMZ”
he said and shot. The bullets sprung from the mouth of the gun and hurtling towards the spammer at alarming speed. They struck, shaking the guys body as the spew of spam burst from his lips, and now the gaping hole in his chest. Finally the frenzy was over and the spammer fell to the ground dead. From his body trickled little tiny spam. Rust sat up and prodded the body with his foot.
“Alright Neo I think he is de-”
Neo shot at the corpse again, the body flew into the air and lodged itself in Rust’s Fig Tree. Coating the figs in bloody spam.
“NEO?????? He was dead! You trigger happy fool. Now this fig batch will be all bloody and spammed up”
Rust pouted over his lost figs. Neo shrugged.
“I think its dead.”
A Celebi sprung from Rust’s poke ball. “Go gather the figs”
he sighed “Maybe I can make some bloody sculptures.”
Celebi squealed with delight and flew up to fig tree, taking each bludgeoned fruit and throwing it into a vortex, that transported them to Rust’s ‘fig box’ under his bed. “Bibibi??”
is asked, pointing at the dead, and mutilated, body of the spammer. (Which now resembled Swiss cheese thanks to Neo and his trigger happy finger.)
“Oh him. Just throw him in the back with all the others.”
Rust waved a hand at the little Pokemon, as the Celebi threw the body thought he hole.
“Alright…So what now?”
“Dunno, Noob pwning is pretty much all you do. And with my Figs ruined I have no way of spending my evening.”
Rust said, still a bit bitter about his Figs.
Suddenly a girl came from behind the corner. She was tall, and rather thin with brown hair and a large smile.
she said waving. Her left foot was twitching back and forth.
Rust replied Neo waved from the side.
“AHHH! Omg Neo I didn’t see you!!!!!!!”
the girl, Alana, cried. She rushed forward and jumped at Neo, knocking him to the ground in a ferocious hug.
“ohmygodIloveurRPitssofuniloveitiloveitiloveit. Itssocoolandfunandicantwaituntilthingsheatupandili kedtheplotandiwanttoplaythegameandomgomgomgsoooooo fun”
Neo’s eyes widened at the squealing teenager on top if him. It was as if she was running on pure sugar. In fact, he wouldn’t be surprised if sugar and caffeine were running through her veins. (or another questionable substance)
“Thanks Alana. I think…”
Neo said swatting at the girl with a blender he had found in his noob pwning pocket. She did not mov fromhis abdomen. Until Neo turned said blender on and pointed the mouth of it at Alana's head. She sqeeuled and jumped off.
"Are you making me a smoothie??? I have always wanted to be a smoothie!"
“Are you guys ready for the end of the first week of WAR? I am! I am sooooo ready to make team sexies proud! I think we should have a Picture taking contests because the Nameless Soldiers is full of Camw-wait. Better not say that in front of mods and EHMAGOD! LOOK AT THE CUTE LITTE BIRD BY THE WINDOW SI-”
Alana fell to the ground, blood streaming from her temple. Neo blew the smoke from his sniper rifle.
“Alright. Seriously Neo? I know she is annoying but…geeze..”
Rust picked up the spazzitc girls body and started towards the back of the house. Neo shrugged.
“Sorry, got a little carried away. Well, that’s one less Nameless Soldier we have to beat”
Neo said, following Rust.
He placed the body next to Neo’s other victims. “If she wakes up, she can walk away and screech about seeing the ‘pretty colors of god’”
“I was planning on foiling Margmar today. But seeing as her resurrect-or killed himself…ah well. Want to go sit on a roof and throw paint balloons at people walking by?”
“You know it!”
So the two mod’s who were supposed to have a epic adventure, walked off, after having murdered a spammer. The crazy girl? She lived, but wandered off disoriented to a pack of geese and now lives among them as one of their pack.
What a horrible, and pointless story…