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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 10-24-2008, 01:26 AM
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Default Within Her Wildest Wishes

Within her Wildest Wishes
No one knew what would happen if someone died. But I knew someone would uncover it someday. Who was that person, you might ask? That person was me. I told the world what happened when someone died. What I did was a mistake to all of us passed.
***

Chapter One: Dear Delilah

In an instant, she fell onto the floor.

People in front of the scene didn’t quite catch what happened – it was all in one second. Those who were fast enough to catch it, though, couldn’t at all decide if this was pure fiction or not. To answer their question – it wasn’t fiction.

Delilah, her nice, brown hair stroked now in the front of her face had a pointed needle in her torso-area. Blood began to stream off of her whole body, including her fingertips, her face, and most of all excruciating; her stomach. The sticky red substance began squirting out as the needle created a hole into her. Delilah was slamming herself; she didn’t know what she was doing.

In a sudden change of time, she awoke. No, it wasn’t as frightening as the previous events had been, but it looked beautiful. Gold was all she could think of talking about, as the room enchanted a bright light onto her. The light was sparkled with the beautiful gold setting.

Now Delilah had thought she’s gone wild. She thought she died, what is she doing – alive in a mysterious golden room? She was thinking the probable possibilities, but she couldn’t think of one that was probable. A dream could happen, but would someone dream of dying? The question was a dumb one. Delilah couldn’t be dreaming; last time she remembered it was evening.

Could it be possible that she did die? Maybe Delilah is in heaven.

It was probable and believable. She thought of heaven as a golden, beautiful place. The room she was standing in was a beautiful golden room. She traced her eyes to see her surroundings. Delilah could sketch her environment. The room was made up of four walls, each one having at least two beautiful golden arches amongst it. Delilah couldn’t believe the happenings – so she came to the only open arch, an entrance into another, a darker gold room.

Amongst her entrance, Delilah forced her eyes to check out what was in this room. It was much like the room previously, except the furniture added it to look more like a lounge – as opposed to the barren room. As much as Delilah felt alone and tensed, she just wanted to lie down on the golden couch embedded with the beautiful gold diamonds. Yet there was more to discover.

She followed herself into the next open arch – a much lighter tone of gold – and looked at the room. It looked much as the other one, despite having more furniture and being a lighter gold color.

“Hello?” a voice called all of a sudden. It had a much deeper tone than Delilah; it couldn’t have been her own. It had the tone of a man – but as Delilah could see – there was no man in any of the rooms she has checked.

Believing she’s gone wild – she simply just stayed at her current position. She didn’t have a good feeling – she wanted to escape.

“Answer me.” The voice was there again. “Please.” His golden voice, much like the color scheme of the room, had a beautiful accent to it. He had a voice like those of an English accent.

Delilah shrugged off the voice in her head, and went to a mirror. At least she could check her appearance. If she was dreaming – still probable – she would have been wearing different clothes. If it was the real Delilah, she would be wearing her same outfit – plus the blood.

Propping herself in front of the golden mirror screen, she could see her face and outfit clearly.

One aspect was correct; she was wearing a nice black t-shirt that had the words ‘Dee-ligh-lah’, a present of her mother. But it didn’t have the burgundy material she had on her shirt. She still could be dreaming – but she could be in heaven. Of course, heaven might be what purified her shirt, as it was such a bright place – not to mention what she’s heard about it on movies.

While she was at it, though, she stared at her touching face. Her brown hair was in a perfect hairdo, placed evenly on each side. Her bangs were pushed to the right side of her hair, which was the only feature which was uneven. But it did quite have a nice touch. Her nice, amber eyes couldn’t outshine the prettiness of the room, but indeed look perfect. Her slim structure could fit in the thin glass, and she had a perfect skin tone for the room.

Delilah stepped from the room into the other one. She’d gone sadder the fact she realized she was alone. Delilah didn’t notice this before, much to the fact it all came in a rush. This forced her to jump onto the couch she found in the second room, and whimper to herself. What was she to do?

“I can help,” told the voice, sounding as he was reading this straight off a book. “Just look in the first room you found, then it will be obvious.”

She followed suit – even if it was a hoax. Just going to desperate measures was all. Muttering several phrases to herself, such as “I’ll be alright” and others, she threw herself into the room. Now, what was so obvious that she was missing?

“Voice?” she interrogated. “Can I have like… a clue?” Delilah wasn’t sure if the voice would hear all of it, but that was of no matter to her. What mattered to her was that she would escape, and she would risk it all to egress.

No answer.

“Come on.”

None.

“Please?”

“Fine,” the voice gave up. “Just look… up, dear.” Saying dear was kind of strange to Delilah, since she couldn’t see him. He could’ve been a monster for all she knew, a weird stalker monster.

Delilah followed once more. She forced her head to look upwards, tilting her neck in the perfect angle to see a mural of an eagle painted so elegantly and such a perfect picture. Though the eagle was inanimate for the first few seconds looking at it, there was something weird about it. All of a sudden, Delilah could see the eagle on the mural move its beak.

So it wasn’t animate after all. It was a moving mural? It could’ve been the new tech-thing that no one knew about and was anticipating, but this probably was one of those things heaven racked up that no one on the real world knew about.

Then the moving eagle appeared what looked like an old time note. Those one pieces of old, sand paper. The eagle dropped it from its orange colored hands, and it fell in direction to Delilah’s head. Moving a little to the left so it wouldn’t hurt her, she picked up the older paper and began to read its perfect print. The paper had been written so perfect, it was amazing.

Looks like you found it. Now, Delilah, go into the third room you came to. There will be another open arch. I wouldn’t tell you when you were there, I needed to look perfect. First impressions are key. So anyhow, go to the third room and the arch. See you there.

Great. Was this like ‘The Great Maze’ or what? Still, Delilah followed her directions to the stalker monster and took her into the nice golden room, then the lighter golden room, and looked at the arch. From first impression, it looked the worst “gold” of all. It wasn’t even gold, a mixture of the gold color plus brown. It didn’t look quite as nice, but again, she need to follow the directions.

Afraid of what might happen; Delilah stepped into the room, unaware of what was there. She took small steps, with a steady beat to it. Delilah pressed her toes softly into the room, and then she could see the man from behind. Not a monster. Perfect.

She came to tap on his shoulder, and before she could, he turned around. He was a beautiful sight.

DIRECT?
Chapter One: [Dear Delilah] - This Post
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  #2  
Old 10-24-2008, 04:35 AM
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Default Re: Within Her Wildest Wishes

Well, this story isn't too bad. I'm still trying to find out where Delilah is. xD

Hmm, your description isn't bad, maybe a little more wouldn't hurt?

I'm having trouble reading some of your sentences though. The structure within them seems to be a little off.

Quote:
Her nice, amber eyes couldn’t outshine the prettiness of the room, but indeed look perfect.
'looked' would go better here.

Quote:
Then the moving eagle appeared what looked like an old time note. Those one pieces of old, sand paper.
I was just stuck on this one.

Other than that, it's not bad. Your formatting is quite nice, and the story seems intriguing too.

~Gem
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Old 10-24-2008, 05:04 AM
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Default Re: Within Her Wildest Wishes

You wrote a fic? Cool!
I really like it too. The beginning certainly created drama, and those gold rooms have me confused.
For some reason, I was thinking that guy was gonna turn around and not have a face. Maybe I saw it on the Twilight Zone. Hmm....
Anyway, good job! I don't think I saw anything else to fix. Keep it up. ^^
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