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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #166  
Old 01-30-2009, 02:38 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

Chapter 17: Dreams and Desires
“If anyone were to turn on us, the one I’d be most afraid of would be Mike. You just never know what he’s going to do next. I fear fighting him more than I do rust or Etherlight.”
-Private Journal of Neo Winterfield
ASM Spacewing
Homeworld Orbit


“What the hell happened?” rust asked Neo’s hologram as it appeared on the planning table of the Spacewing. Around the table with rust were Tiantus, Finch, Silver Etherlight, and Shairii Woldrac. Celebi was floating behind rust, and Diasirenda was sleeping in the corner of the room. When it saw Neo’s figure appear on the table as a hologram, it opened one eye to watch.

“Diabora returned… and attacked Ultima City,” Neo explained, “He completely destroyed it and crashed it into Benstella City. Only about 10% of Ultima City’s population was able to escape on the few escape pods present.”

“How are Lation and Latira?” Shairii asked.

“Lation blames himself for the entire atrocity, while Latira has tried her hardest to console him, but failed. I hate to say it, but I don’t think either of them will be fighting for a while,” Neo explained.

“Its not like they were fighting much anyway,” rust said, looking away from the hologram, “But we need another plan of action. We know Diabora is still out there, and this proves it, however, he’s completely invisible to radar while he’s hiding out in space. I don’t know what kind of game he’s playing… We’re eventually going to trap him if he keeps up the hit-and-run attacks.”

“He could be looking for a way to circumvent Diasirenda’s curse,” Finch said, as he looked down at Diasirenda. Diasirenda sensed this, and looked away before Finch could look at him. Finding this strange, Finch made a mental note to think about it later. Diasirenda just seemed so… familiar…

<But that’s impossible, the Ring of Alvaj-Xoc can’t be circumvented,> Celebi interjected.

“Well then, his motives are unclear,” Neo summarized, “Silver, how are the repairs to the Grungust going?”

“Hate to say it, but the Grungust is totaled. It broke down after the little fight, and we can’t really fix it… We’re working on a new mech, though, called the DaiRaiOh. If all goes well, we can have it done before Diabora rears his ugly head again…”

“That depends on what he’s going to do next,” rust said, “If he is keeping with the hit-and-run tactics, we have no idea when he’s going to strike next. Our best options then would to be on guard… everywhere….”

“If only we had those Combins…” Shairii sighed, “How’s Mike?”

“Haven’t heard a peep out of him,” rust replied, “And he’s still not talking to me…”

“What happened between you two?” Finch asked rust, “I mean, before the fight, Mike didn’t hate you, at least, not more than usual, and that’s just because we killed a lot people. I mean, why would he stop talking to you at the expense of this war?”

“Well…” rust began. Celebi came over and began to transmit several images from rust’s head into everyone else’s, including Neo’s. They were back on board the Ano Ho-Oh, as the remains of the MS Azure were scattered in the background. Mike and rust were talking, however, Celebi muted what they were saying, until Mike had exclaimed, ‘You bastard! How could you let Shairii do such a thing? How could you?’

Mike jumped at rust, pinning him down, until rust, using his last ounce of mental energy, summoned Nimaru. The sword was in both of his hands, as the split clipped Mike’s side. Using one hand to hold his injured side, rust used his free hand to knock Mike in the chin with the hilt of Nimaru. The crack of bone could be heard as rust then brought his knee up into Mike’s crotch, as Mike shrieked in agony.

“Damn you, damn you, damn you, damn you!” Mike began to ramble at rust, who was still lying on the floor, with almost all of his bones broken by Diabora, “I hate you… I hate you! You’ve been killing innocent people and ruining lives for far too long! I’m going to end it now!” Mike grabbed his handgun which was holstered on his side and aimed it at rust.

“You’re going to kill a defenseless man?” rust asked, “It is no bother. Kill me, and I’ll just come back again. I have Necros right where I want him. I can just waltz past him and back into the world of the living.” Mike realized the futility of the action, and lowered his gun. He then walked away, leaving Tiantus to tend to rust’s wounds.

The world rippled, as the people within the meeting room began to see the interior of the Spacewing once again, “Damn rust, all your bones were broken and you nailed him.” Finch replied.

“Not one of my better moments…” rust said, as red dot began to flicker on the table, indicating a distress beacon. rust flicked a switch, as the hologram of a man from Hiigarus appeared. It was a man with green skin, dressed in a military uniform, and various cybernetic implants all around his body.

“This is Captain Adeo Datus, in the HSM Triumvirate, seeking help. I repeat, this is Captain Datus of the HSM Triumvirate seeking urgent assistance. We were investigating the destruction of Captain Bach’s ship when we were attacked by an unknown creature, approximately twenty-feet tall with black and dark brown coloration. It claimed its name was ‘Diabora.’ Our crew is being slaughtered, we need he-” Just then, Diabora appeared, and clawed Captain Datus into two pieces. Diabora’s laughter was heard, as the transmission ended.

“Well, I think I know where we’re going next…” rust said, “Neo, we’ll meet you from the point of the distress signal?”

“Gotcha,” Neo replied.

Blackthorn City, Johto
Homeworld


Blackthorn was the sight of the final Terran-Conflict with Diabora. It had been six months since Silver Etherlight had challenged Diabora from within his Grungust, and had arguably defeated Diabora. Blackthorn had rebuilt, as a monument was created to honor those that had died in the battle. The monument had a statue of the Grungust Type-III on top of it, as the plaque under it read the names of those that had been lost.

The final name on the list was Reg Lando, requested to be put there specifically by Finch. Amy Anone would have been put there if Shairii hadn’t insisted that she was still alive. Mike had given up hope; the Combin crap was a sham. rust had just gotten Shairii to trick her into committing suicide just to piss him off.

He didn’t know what to do now. He had tried searching everywhere, but found nothing. For the last month, he had spent his time with his children and Dr. Yung, losing his last bit of hope. Mike walked away, his black trenchcoat fluttering in the wind. All Mike wore now was a Team Trainer uniform died black, which was the antithesis of what his usual cheery disposition was.

After getting through several security checks, he entered Dr. Yung’s lab, where Dr. Yung greeted him, “Hello, Mike. There’s another message from rust on the machine.”

“Delete it,” Mike replied, “I have nothing to say to him.”

“Alright,” Yung sighed, as he deleted the messages, “Were you at the monument again?”

“Yes,” Mike replied, “I have half a mind to go and carve Amy’s name into the plaque. She’s not coming back.”

“Don’t lose hope. I see no reason not to trust Shairii. She is your friend, after all,” Yung replied.

Was my friend,” Mike corrected, “But she betrayed me.”

“…” Yung sighed. Mike’s depression has been going on for over three months, and he was getting tired of it. However, he would never be able to kick Mike out of his house, being the Supreme Commander of the Homeworld forces. That’s a good way to lose any government contracts he once had, “Hey, Mike… We’re out of some things in the kitchen. Maybe a nice walk will do you good, can you pick them up?”

“…I guess,” Mike replied, as he slowly got up.

Yung took out a pad of paper and began to write down random foods on it, not knowing if he was truly out of them or not. He then gave Mike a hundred dollar bill and sent him off. Once Mike was out of the door, Yung shut the door and sighed, “When the hell is he going to get over this?”

Mike walked out of large laboratory, and down the street towards Blackthorn City. Blackthorn was home to the Dragon-type gym, and was also known to have some of the only Dragon-type Pokemon in Kanto and Johto. As such, the city was decorated with ornaments depicting Dragon Pokemon. It was beautiful, however, everything seemed gloomy for Mike.

He entered the store, one he hadn’t been to before, and grabbed things from the list, “Chips… Syrup… Whip Cream…” Mike put the things into his shopping basket and remarked, “Damn, these are some of the most random items ever.” As soon as he had everything on Dr. Yung’s list, he headed towards the check-out counter, and put the items on the conveyor belt.

He handed over the hundred to the operator, “Thanks,” she replied. Mike recognized the voice. He looked up, and it was Amy Anone herself, operating the check-out counter!

“Amy!” Mike shouted.

Last edited by Lord Celebi; 02-28-2009 at 11:04 PM.
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  #167  
Old 01-30-2009, 04:17 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

Dang rust. Dang rust. Dang rust. Or what Mike said:

“Damn you, damn you, damn you, damn you!”

Yeah. I have to say that I found my favorite chapter in this Act or ever so far. Ok, there is some bias there but screw that.

I have to say I felt like I was literally there in the second part of that chapter. I mean if I was to write that second part of the chapter then that beginning would have been it. I just literally saw Mike in front of that monument in a black trenchcoat with gray rain and skies way before you even mention MIke being there. I don't know how you did it or pull this junk but I am a believer of what Neo said at the start of this RP. You pulled off Mike just perfectly here in this scene.

Also the set up to the second part. Sigh...one day we really have to do that fight scene. haha

Love the humor there too. haha “Chips… Syrup… Whip Cream…”

Then the ending. I mean I saw it coming after some part but wow. Got to say I want the next chapter to come sooner then ever now.

Ten Thumbs Ups. Inflated ego, bias and all.

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  #168  
Old 01-30-2009, 07:43 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

Weissritter? Okay, whatever you want.
Yay giant Grungust monument.
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  #169  
Old 01-30-2009, 11:58 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charizard Michelle View Post
I have to say I felt like I was literally there in the second part of that chapter. I mean if I was to write that second part of the chapter then that beginning would have been it. I just literally saw Mike in front of that monument in a black trenchcoat with gray rain and skies way before you even mention MIke being there. I don't know how you did it or pull this junk but I am a believer of what Neo said at the start of this RP. You pulled off Mike just perfectly here in this scene.
That part was based off of Han Solo after Chewbacca died. He wore all black and was mopey for half of the New Jedi Order series.

Oh, and thanks. And I had to google that third line from that "Hop, Step, Jump" thing, because I forgot it. I thought it would make a great Easter egg though. XD

Quote:
Originally Posted by skiboydoggy View Post
Weissritter? Okay, whatever you want.
Yay giant Grungust monument.
:/ I kind of suck at picking Giant Robots from SRW OG. Feel free to tell me a better one, and I'll put it in.
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  #170  
Old 01-30-2009, 01:12 PM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord Celebi View Post
:/ I kind of suck at picking Giant Robots from SRW OG. Feel free to tell me a better one, and I'll put it in.
Hmm... Look up the Vysaga or DaiRaiOh.
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  #171  
Old 01-31-2009, 05:16 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

Caught up on the last two chapters finally. ^^
That was an awesome battle with Neo! And the whole "Titanic" thing, really fit in there.
As for the last chapter, I was wondering what happened when Mike attacked rust.
Talk about the shock of your life when you run smack into the person you've been looking for! oO
Looking forward to more of Act 2. ^^

Now, time to destroy some typos!
Starting with Chapter 16.

Quote:
However, Neo didn’t give, and neither did anyone else fighting for the Homeworld.
Didn't give what? I'm guessing 'up'.

Quote:
both Mike and rust are working night and day in order to find out where Frank Bueller, Peter Jennings, and Amy Anone had reappeared.
You changed tense. Should be were.

Quote:
Neo’s neck began to bleed from the blow as Neo returned to the favor to Diabora with a fierce kick in the gut.
Change the second Neo to he, and remove the to that doesn't fit.

Quote:
Neo cursed, letting Diabora get away from him was not a part of his plan, Neo sped ahead as well, but he was losing ground, and fast
'...part of the plan. He sped ahead...'

Quote:
The black blood dropped against the lead, as the lead began to dissolve.
'...dropped against the lead, causing it to dissolve.'

Chapter 17...

Quote:
Using one hand to hold his injured side, rust used his free hand to knock Mike in the chin with the hilt of Nimaru.
Uh, who's side was injured? I thought you said it was Mike, but here it sounds like rust. oO

Quote:
The crack of bone could be heard as rust then brought his knee up into Mike’s crotch, as Mike shrieked in agony.
Use he there.

Quote:
rust said, as red dot began to flicker on the table,
Maybe... a red dot?

Quote:
Mike walked out of large laboratory,
Forgot the this time, before "large labratory."


Whoa, I think I was a little picky since I haven't done this in a while. Sorry if it seems like it.
Still enjoyed both chapters! You're good with the action. ^^
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  #172  
Old 02-01-2009, 07:04 PM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

I need to stop writing these at 2 in the morning. >_>

Anyways, thanks. I'll fix those later. XD
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  #173  
Old 02-01-2009, 07:19 PM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

The Private Journal of Neo Winterfield is so true.

Great chapter, and great job on the developing plot. The character emotions were also well done and well described as well.
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  #174  
Old 02-01-2009, 07:21 PM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Neo Pikachu View Post
The Private Journal of Neo Winterfield is so true.

Great chapter, and great job on the developing plot. The character emotions were also well done and well described as well.
I based that off of something you said in one of the Team RP Discussions. XD
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  #175  
Old 03-01-2009, 12:20 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

Chapter 18: Rising Sun
“Amy… Amy was my only woman. I am not complete without her.”
-Private Journal of Mike Anone
HSM Triumvirate, Near Sekai
Space


{Insert Song: Easy Muffin by Amon Tobin}

“Everything is… dead,” Silver sighed, shining his flashlight on the walls of the torn hallways of the Triumvirate. Silver was sporting an Etherlight Industries branded evac suit, and was followed by rust and Neo, both in the same suits. The ASM Spacewing was waiting outside, in the event Diabora returned, however, everyone knew that the Spacewing would be destroyed by Diabora almost instantly, “What the hell are we looking for again?”

“Clues,” Neo replied, examining a dead body. It was covered in slash marks. Another was choked to death, with the imprints of Diabora’s cable-like appendages around his throat and limbs, “We need to figure out where Diabora was hiding and what he’s planning.”

“And you’re sure it’s a good idea to f*ck with Hiigarus’ ships? I doubt that we could stand up to Hiigarus if we pissed them off,” Etherlight said nervously, as he opened a door. Two Hiigarans were inside, both burnt to death by Diabora.

“Don’t worry about that,” rust reassured Silver, “They can throw anything at us. We can take it. Zhu-Quiao will rip them all a new one if they even try.”

Neo smiled for a second at rust’s arrogance… It was one of the only reassuring things in these dark times. Neo knew that rust was the only one that would never back down from a fight, and would fight no matter how insane the odds. In fact, that’s how he liked to fight, “I don’t think they’ll notice. I think their distress beacon fell on deaf ears.”

“Well, this floor is done…” Silver said, slightly reassured by Neo’s observations. Using all of his weight, Silver was able to shove open the malfunctioning door to the next floor under. The three of them walked down the stairs, exchanging no words, as the stairs creaked under their feet. They reached floor L-31, which was eerily silent. The emergency red lighting in the ship blinked several times as the three of them walked.

rust and Neo both walked proudly, while Silver walked much more carefully, looking out for Diabora or something of that ilk. They came upon the first door, as rust opened it. All three of them went inside to see the room. It was the Captain’s Quarters; where Captain Datus had sent the message. Datus’ body was slumped on the floor, in two pieces. Neo went down to inspect the body, as rust sensed something, whirled around in an instant, his twin Nimaru blades drawn and released.

The two blades were enveloped with fire, even though there was no oxygen in space. Using the additional lighting, rust hacked at something in the corner. It screamed in pain, and died. Neo quickly ran over to whatever it was that attacked them to examine it, “This… This looks like a Hiigaran.”

“A Hiigaran with necrosis on steroids,” Etherlight remarked.

“You don’t suppose…?” Neo asked Etherlight, both of their faces filled with shock.

rust, who was completely oblivious to the assumption asked, “What?”

“Diabora… He’s turned the crew of the ship into Diablos…” Silver said, running a gloved hand down the body of the dead Diablo, “But these are Diablos like I haven’t seen before, and its not just because he’s using a different species. Compare the two bodies. This one has a huge increase in muscle mass, as well as claws and sharp teeth…”

“The bigger they are, the harder they fall,” rust recited one of his personal mantras, one that probably helped him survive the Great War, “We just kill them all. Anyways, Etherlight, hail the Spacewing for some backup.”

Silver grabbed his Comm device, and punched in the number of the Spacewing. His headset inside of the evac suit beeped, as Silver said, “Etherlight to Spacewing, come in! I repeat, Etherlight to Spacewing, come in!” There was no reply; only static, “Damnit! We’re being jammed!”

“Diabora’s smart… He knew to enable the jamming devices on the ship so their message didn’t get to the Hiigaran fleet,” Neo observed, “But then… How did we get the message?”

“Bait,” rust said, closing and locking the hatch door, in order to prevent any more Uberdiablos from sneaking up on them, “He lured us in. Us and only us. Damn, he’s smart. His tactical mind equals that of my own.”

Neo shot daggers from his eyes at rust, who was completely oblivious to Neo’s displeasure, “Let me try to talk to Celebi.” Neo reached out with his mind to Celebi, who was also on board of the Spacewing. However, Neo didn’t get anything either, “Don’t tell me…”

Silver, however, was already going through the Captain’s computer, assuming Neo’s problem, “Sorry, but you’re right. Remember how you told us that it was Hiigarus that killed Kashan? They’ve been able to synthesize Dark Pokemon energies to create an aura around the ship. It was apparently their trump card against Kashan.”

“So, we’re trapped,” rust surmised, “Unless we transformed into Zhu-Quiao and Qinglong respectively, broke out of the ship, and flew out.” rust then attempted to transform into Zhu-Quiao, but Neo stopped him.

“You idiot! Do that, and you’ll collapse the ship on Silver and me! Any clues as to where Diabora is now will be destroyed,” Neo exclaimed. rust stopped instantly, “We’re going to need to fight our way out of the ship. Once we get to the Docking Bay, we should have enough room to transform into our Legendary Spirits safely.”

“Now you’re speaking my language,” rust replied, cracking his knuckles. He then opened the door that he had secured shut, his twin blades gripped in his hands, “Point me in a direction, and I’ll kill anything in my way.”

“The bridge should be that way,” Etherlight said, pointing. Both Neo and Etherlight drew their plasma rifles, while rust was content using his twin Katanas. The three exited into the quiet hallway once again, and stood, listening. A feint humming noise was heard, as each of the three warriors got into a defensive position. The noise became louder and louder, as each of the three warriors became more anxious to begin the battle.

Instantly, all of the doors on the floor swing open, and an Uberdiablos spat out of each one. Neo and Silver opened fire on the Ubers that came their way. rust, however, was engaging them in one-on-one combat, as he hacked and slashed at the Ubers, removing limbs, heads, and organs. However, there were too many and they were way too strong.

“We’re outnumbered and out… strengthed!” Silver commented, melting the face off an Uberdiablos that slashed at him, “What the hell are we going to do?”

rust kicked an Uberdiablos in the abdomen, sending it flying into another one. He leapt into the air, and plunged one of his blades through both of them, and then carved out their internal organs. He then brought the blades up and split their heads open, killing them, “There are a significant amount more than I expected to fight. Neo, Silver, make a path and we can run for it.”

Neo fired his plasma rifle at one of the Uberdiablos, killing it instantly, however, another came around and sliced him in the back. Neo screamed in agony, and rust watched, horrified that someone other than him could land a fatal blow on Neo. Enraged at the audacity of the Uberdiablos, rust felt a new power within him, “Nimaru… Bankai!”

The twin flaming blades became two lightning bolts. He then threw them at the closest Uberdiablos, and restrained all of the Uberdiablos in the room in electrical bounds. Silver and rust worked together to get Neo’s body across the room safely. Once they were inside of the stairway to the next room, rust recalled Nimaru, and then locked the door, as the Uberdiablos charged at the door, now freed and thirsty for their blood.

“That was amazing,” Etherlight commented, as they turned Neo over to look at his back, “Though, that’s a pretty bad slash mark on his back.”

Neo groaned, as rust lit Nimaru ablaze once again. He ran the side of Nimaru against Neo’s back, cauterizing the slash wound. Neo would still be out of commission for a while, but at least he’d survive.

“This changes plans, then,” rust explained to Silver, “I won’t be able to carry both you and Neo on my back in space. Neo’s evac suit was also torn up. If the helmet wasn’t an independent system, he’d die. Anyway, he won’t be able to survive in a complete vacuum, at least here some of the artificial gravity still works.”

Silver looked around floor L-32, and saw an escape pod. However, it only had enough room for one, “Looks like this was Captain Datus’ personal escape pod… I’ll take this back to the Spacewing, and get us the reinforcements you guys need. Both of you need to hang tight until I get back.”

“Gotcha,” rust replied, grabbing Neo’s body, and going into one of the rooms on floor L-32. He locked the door, and then barricaded it, as he put Neo’s body down on one of the beds, waiting for Neo to come to and Silver to return…
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  #176  
Old 03-01-2009, 12:39 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 16 is Up!]

Mmm, Diabora is quite the bastard, isn't he? Interesting turn of events, and lots of suspense. This is definitely turning out to be an awesome "lost chronicles" to the RP series.

And rust sure likes killing things with a smile, doesn't he?
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  #177  
Old 03-01-2009, 04:44 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 18 is Up!]

Nice nice. As I said before. Can't wait till the next chapter. Just promise us to not make us wait another month there rusty boy. haha

Still was that song suppose to last for the whole chapter or just part of it? That was my only problem. I would have suggest another song for the battle with the Ubers but that just me.

Chips, Syrup, Whip~
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  #178  
Old 03-01-2009, 05:58 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 18 is Up!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Neo Pikachu View Post
Mmm, Diabora is quite the bastard, isn't he? Interesting turn of events, and lots of suspense. This is definitely turning out to be an awesome "lost chronicles" to the RP series.

And rust sure likes killing things with a smile, doesn't he?
The next chapter is going to be totally based on rust and Neo, its just that, for it to work, they have to be trapped. Only problem is that is is quite hard to disable two (practically) demigods. XD Diabora has had to become ruthless so I can advance the plot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charizard Michelle View Post
Nice nice. As I said before. Can't wait till the next chapter. Just promise us to not make us wait another month there rusty boy. haha

Still was that song suppose to last for the whole chapter or just part of it? That was my only problem. I would have suggest another song for the battle with the Ubers but that just me.

Chips, Syrup, Whip~
Sorry about that. I just write these when I have time.

Easy Muffin was only for the beginning. I'm running out of insert music, actually. XD
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  #179  
Old 03-01-2009, 07:02 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 18 is Up!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord Celebi View Post
The next chapter is going to be totally based on rust and Neo, its just that, for it to work, they have to be trapped. Only problem is that is is quite hard to disable two (practically) demigods. XD Diabora has had to become ruthless so I can advance the plot.


Sorry about that. I just write these when I have time.

Easy Muffin was only for the beginning. I'm running out of insert music, actually. XD
Oh I understand hon. I am finding it hard to find time for stuff now too so meh. That just little old me being selffish but if me being selffish helps get these suckers out faster then I am all for being selffish. haha

Oh ok. Then repeating them won't be that bad right? Have like gennetic battle music for battle scenes may be good. They do that for most animes anyways don't they? Then when something big or a big battle is happening then pull out the big and cool music. Just an idea.

Chips, Syrup, Whip~
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Old 03-01-2009, 07:25 AM
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Default Re: Forsaken Bounds: The Forged Alliance [Chapter 18 is Up!]

Wow, rust really didn't like the fact someone else landed a hit like that on Neo. XD
Another great chapter. Amping up the bad guys to Uberdiablos? That should make things a bit more difficult. ^^'
Wonder what you have in mind for while those two are stuck.
*waiting for more*

Until the next chapter, you have to destroy some mistakes.

Quote:
A feint humming noise was heard, as each of the three warriors got into a defensive position. The noise became louder and louder, as each of the three warriors became more anxious to begin the battle.
Two things there. First, you used feint, like a false attack, and it should have been faint. Second, I think you see it there. >.>

Quote:
Instantly, all of the doors on the floor swing open, and an Uberdiablos spat out of each one.
I think that should be swung. And did only one Uber come out of each door? oO

That's all I found. Laters. ^^
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