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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 11-30-2008, 09:05 PM
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Post Pokemon Kanto journeys book 1

This is my first Fan fic Please dont be to harsh and dont flame Anyways

Pokemon kanto journeys book 1
A wonderfull day in kanto it was the air was crisp and soothing and who would miss out on such a day Because wonderfullness like this doesnt always apear well whom els then Ralph. Who is this Ralph you ask well hes a very lazy boy who is starting his pkmn journey today with his friends Kenny and Krystal. Kenny is a boy who is almost this complete oposite of Ralph he is active mabey even just a little hyperactive But they are still best friends. Krys well she is normal just normal get the picture? So these three kids are becoming pokemon trainers on this very day.

Like it so far? Ill write more later
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  #2  
Old 12-02-2008, 12:19 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Kanto journeys book 1

I know this is your first fanfiction, but every beginning writer needs criticism so that they can write better. And I'll try not to be harsh.

Comments are in bold.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Own you View Post
Pokemon kanto journeys book 1
Capitalize the title's main words. In this case, it's all of them. And you should consider making 1 One instead.
A wonderfull day in kanto it was the air was crisp and soothing and who would miss out on such a day Because wonderfullness like this doesnt always apear well whom els then Ralph.
Several problems with this sentence. It's a run-on, first of all. "A wonderfull (only one L, by the way) day in Kanto (capitalize) it was" should be its own sentence. Same for "The air was crisp and soothing." Get rid of the the "and." A question mark would look good at the end of that sentence, too. Apostrophe on doesnt (doesn't), and appear is spelled with two P's. "Well whom ELSE then Ralph" doesn't make sense at all. Whom else but Ralph would what? Miss out on this day? You should also describe where in Kanto this is and how it looks, what sounds you might hear, what smells you might smell...there's a lot you could add.
Who is this Ralph, you ask? Well, he's a very lazy boy who is starting his Pokemon journey today with his friends Kenny and Krystal.
Run-on! Never ever ever ever use pkmn instead of Pokemon. And capitalze Pokemon. Isn't this story past-tense? if so, "who is starting" should be "who was starting."
Kenny is a boy who is almost this complete opposite of Ralph. He is maybe just a little hyperactive, but they are still best friends.
"He is active maybe even just a little hyperactive"? I can see how that can make sense, but to me it sounds odd. Active is a bit of a weird word for energetic, but that's just me. Don't capitalize mid-sentence. Don't do it! Also, what do these people look like? DESCRIBE!!!
Krystal, well, she is normal, just normal. Get the picture?
When you first describe Krystal, don't call her by her nickname. Maybe you can state that "her friends call her Krys" or something. And what exactly is a "normal" girl? Again, how does she look? Describe! And don't run-on! try to find where a sentence sounds awkward.
So these three kids are becoming Pokemon Trainers on this very day.
Which tense? Arrggghhh! You're confusing me!
Well, I do hope you'll continue this. It could actually be a pretty good Trainer fan fiction. Just don't run on, describe things A LOT more, and check your spelling (type it up on Microsoft Word or Pages (on Macs). That way, you can spell-check by right-clicking red underlined words). And I hope you'll have the first completed trainer fic on the site!

Oh yeah, and the font is a little troublesome. either change the font, or make the font size a size or two bigger. Don't make it too big, though.
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  #3  
Old 12-03-2008, 01:03 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Kanto journeys book 1

I understand I will work on this a little more
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