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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 01-02-2009, 09:47 AM
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Default Poliwag Power

Poliwag Power

“Wow we’re finally here Growlithe!” Sean said delightedly. The scruffy looking trainer looked amazed at the sparkling crystal ocean. There were hundreds of fishing ports, ferries, trainers and fishermen. He looked up and there was a huge sign saying "Welcome To Tide City!"

“Growlithe!” the Growlithe yapped happily. Growlithe’s coat was a blazing orange with jet black stripes. It had its long tongue, dangling out playfully. Growlithe was a bit of a clumsy Pokemon much like its trainer. Sean was a small trainer with messy ginger hair. He wore a blue baseball cap, slightly to the side and carried a dark yellow rucksack. Sean was a rookie and had only started his journey a week ago. He had left home in Maple Town and had received the young Growlithe of his mother as a gift.

Whoa, look at that!” Sean said excitedly. On the end of one of the walkways a smart looking trainer hauled out a huge Lumineon with his rod. The Lumineon was launched into the air. It looked spectacular as the neon light all over its scaly skin lit up, dazzling the ocean. The trainer threw a Poke ball into the air. A glorious blood red ray of light shot out of the ball forming the shape of a Pokemon.

“Floatzel!” the Pokemon cried. Floatzel was a tangerine orange colour with a puffy yellow float on its back. It had two graceful tails waving behind it with sparkling white tips.

“Alright Floatzel use Sonic Boom!” the trainer commanded. Floatzel leapt into the air above the wild Lumineon and performed a triple front flip shooting powerful waves out of its tail. The waves struck Lumineon and blasted it backwards. It let out a piercing cry as it made contact with the shining ocean, causing a tremendous splash. Floatzel landed perfectly on the walkway and sneered triumphantly. Suddenly, the Lumineon flung itself into the air and shot a huge jet of water at Floatzel. “Quick, dodge it!” commanded the trainer. Just before the Hydro Pump hit, Floatzel jumped straight up avoiding the attack. “Now Floatzel, Hyper Beam!” As Floatzel was shooting upwards, it heaved in its chest. The floats on its body were expanding and a small ball of light formed at Floatzel’s mouth.

“FLOATZEEEEEEEL!” Floatzel released the power sending out an obliterating beam of light which pulverized Lumineon. Lumineon screamed in pain as it hurtled towards the ground. It made a huge thud as it made contact with the walkway. All of the nearby fishermen watched in amazement as the trainer threw a Poke ball which absorbed Lumineon with the same beautiful, red light. The trainer stood by the ball calmly waiting for the result. The ball rolled three times and then stopped. The trainer picked up the Poke ball and all of the nearby fishermen cheered.

Sean ran over to the trainer excitedly. “Wow, that was so cool!” Sean said. The trainer was tall, slim and had dark brown hair, neatly combed back. He was wearing a jet black tuxedo with a crystal white shirt underneath. His shoes were extremely shiny, Growlithe was lost in a daydream staring at the blinding rays reflecting off of them.

“Thanks,” he said. “My name’s Harry, pleased to meet you.” He stuck out his hand.

“You too, my name’s Sean.” He took the trainers hand and shook it violently. After Sean didn’t let go he withdrew his hand sharply.

“And this is my buddy Floatzel.”

“Floatzel.” The weasel-like Pokemon nodded happily towards Sean and Growlithe.

“Oh yeah, and this is Growlithe.” Sean gestured towards Growlithe who was still staring, unaware of the outside world, at Harry’s sparkling shoes. "By the way, why are you dressed like that when you're fishing?" Sean asked, confused.

"I'm preparing for an upcoming Pokemon contest. I'm a coordinator you see. That's why I captured this Lumineon."

"Cool, how many ribbons do you have ?" Sean threw questions at him wildly but he didn't seem to mind.

"At the moment three, and I'm hoping to make this next one my fourth."

"Cool, I wish you the best of luck. That was an awesome capture. I wish I could capture Pokemon like that one day.”

“If you’d like I could lend you my fishing rod for a while?” Harry said politely.

“That would be AWESOME!” Sean shouted in Harry’s face.

“Okay here you go.” Harry handed Sean the shiny rod “I’ll just help you out to start with.”

It had taken Sean a whole thirty minutes to get used to the rod and actually get it into the water. “Why isn’t anything on the rod? I want to catch something!” Sean groaned.
“You’ve got to be patient.” Harry said calmly. “Fishing is a waiting game.” Whilst Sean was groaning and whining his rod began to get heavier. “By the way there’s something biting on your rod.”

“WHAT!” Sean shouted in excitement and almost dropped the rod.

“Alright now you just have to be careful and reel it in slowly.” Harry said. Sean began to reel in the rod rapidly but Harry held Sean’s arm to stop him. “Slowly.” Sean started to get the hang of it and before he knew it the Pokemon was extremely close. “Alright, stop reeling and heave your catch out of the water.” Growlithe watched excitedly as Sean heaved the rod upwards with all his might and a Pokemon sprung out of the ocean. The Pokemon landed on the walkway with a thud struggling to break free.

“POLIWAG!” the Pokemon yelled as it released itself from the rod.

“Alright a Poliwag, quick don’t let it get away!” Harry said cheerfully.

“Okay Growlithe use Swift!” Sean commanded. Growlithe shot loads of beautiful golden stars straight at the stunned Poliwag. The Poliwag didn’t have time to move and the stars caused several deep gashes on Poliwag’s skin. Poliwag stumbled backwards. It turned angrily towards Growlithe and shot a jet of bubbles at Growlithe. Growlithe moved out of the way in time. “Now use Bite!” Growlithe lunged at Poliwag clamping its jaws down hard.

“POLIWAG!” it cried as Growlithe released its fangs.

“Okay, finish it with Flamethrower!” Growlithe sucked in and unleashed a raging flurry of flames which shot towards Poliwag. The small tadpole Pokemon disappeared behind the incinerating flames. “Huh?” When the flames subsided Poliwag had vanished. “What the…” Before Sean could finish his sentence Poliwag leapt out of the water and did a huge Body Slam on Growlithe. Growlithe yelped in pain as he hurtled backwards. Before Growlithe could react after being body slammed, Poliwag shot a large jet water out of its tiny mouth. Growlithe, drenched, flew backwards into a nearby wall.

“GROWLITHE!” Growlithe howled, intimidating Poliwag. Growlithe looked weak and was struggling to stay on four feet. Without any command the angry Pokemon dived at Poliwag and swiped it several times with its razor sharp claws. After Growlithe had finished Poliwag collapsed on the floor, completely out cold. Growlithe collapsed on the floor next to Poliwag, tongue hanging out, panting heavily.

“Alright, now’s your chance. Throw the Poke ball!” said Harry.

“Okay, GO POKE BALL!” Sean yelled at the top of his voice. He threw the small red and white ball at the injured Poliwag. When it connected, it opened up and sucked in Poliwag.

“Now you just have to wait for the outcome.” Harry was getting pretty exited too.

It rolled once. A small crowd was gathering. Sean was getting nervous. He gritted his teeth, hoping for the best. It rolled twice…

Pokemon after-Poliwag
Characters needed-5000-10000
Character Count-7319

Credit to EmBreon

Last edited by Metallic Houndoom; 01-07-2009 at 06:19 AM.
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Old 01-06-2009, 07:42 AM
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Default Re: Poliwag Power (WWC) (Needs A Grade!!!)

Story/Plot: Hmm well, Sean arrived at a place that has lots of fishing ports, apparently famous for fishermens. If only you named this certain place a name, and gave a little background story of Sean, it'd have been better and not just kinda random. For example, how did Sean arrive here? Where was he from?

Also, I find it kinda weird when Harry, dressed in a tuxedo, was fishing. That's just too random and it seemed like just an excuse to fit him in the story blindly. Not that Harry cannot be wearing a tuxedo and fishing, anything is possible. However, it would help if there was an explanation about that. Character's background info again.

Grammar/Spelling: You definitely need a spell check, or at least type or copy and paste it in MS Words before putting it on the forum. Not that your grammar/spelling is that bad or anything and in fact, your dialogue basics are all pretty good. Just some missing commas here and there.

Such things can be easily avoided by spell checking it OR simply reading it over to look for such errors. Also, don't forget to capitalize the first letter of every Pokemon word, because I see phrases like 'use sonic boom' which is wrong. Capital 'S' and 'B' please. Other than those mistakes, there's not really any major ones left.

Length: No problem with this.

Details/Description: Well, at least you did try to describe much more than your first story. Not a bad attempt at all, but for ways to improve, you can try giving details without looking as if you stopped the entire story and let the details come out like a machine was saying it, then you get back to your story. Basically, it is describing with the flow of the story, or how I'd say it.

If you're still unsure, you can always read some stories that has received good comments about the Details/Description and note down the way they write. Of course, practice makes perfect.

Battle: Rather good, except for one factor. It made me sad when Growlithe took a Water Gun from Poliwag and instead of appearing hurt and weakened alot (type advantages), Growlithe got real mad instead and released its rage on Poliwag, without even appearing tired at the end. This needs some modification, since even though how determined Growlithe is or how mad he is after taking that shower from Poliwag, it is still a fact that he is weak to water. So... at least some signs of him being hurt while still attacking Poliwag or perhaps after it would have been better.

Outcome: Since this is just your second story and I see great improvement from your previous one (considering I graded your first one :D), Poliwag captured! Just be sure to work on the things I noted, and have fun with your thing.

Is it just me or are my grades getting shorter and shorter? :x

EDIT: Oh and, Growlithe can't learn Scratch by the way. :P
urpg stats . the ultra dex .
avatar image courtesy of emma-kins .

Last edited by Ataro; 01-06-2009 at 09:49 PM.
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