Initiating Steak House Grading Protocol
This was not too bad. You hooked me with the description of Viridian, and your introduction of Tommy is pretty good. He may be small, but you instantly gave me the impression that he's a tough hotshot trainer.
Well-done. :D Distinction.
This was simple, and to be honest, a little boring. Thankfully I haven't read any sub-par fanfiction for a long, long time, so I'm cool. :x (When I'm reminded of those things, I tend to do violent things. Like failing people.) I mean like, girl meets boy. Girl riles boy. Boy does stuff. I can't remember how many times this has happened to Ash in the anime. :x One rather glaring flaw in your story is that the girl isn't given much of a background, especially since her involvement in the plot is really pivotal. I mean, she's the one that gets Tommy to go whip the Kricketot one and capture it. A name at least would have been nice. :x
Well, it's a Kricketot. Meh. Take a Medium steak with a Pass.
This is where I rant long and hard. You lack proofreading! See here:
Fending off the hoards of Pidgey and Rattata, Tommy and his Nincada had stumbled into the city late at night. The two got to the Pokecenter, with Tommy’s brown hair caked with mud and the tiny bug Pokémon exhausted. A quick night’s rest, both were sort of rested, and only a little tired.
The first one is hordes. And for the second bolded area... Ouch. You want to put an "After" at the beginning of the sentence to make the sequence of events evident. i.e. After a quick night's rest, both were sort of rested, and only a little tired. After that, you might want to reword the sentence. If they are "sort of rested", there's no need to tell us they are "a little tired" since "sort of rested" tells us they were not totally rested. If you want to remove "sort of rested" instead, keep in mind that you want to change "and only a little tired" to "but still a little tired". Okay, so the second bolded area wasn't actually a proofreading-avoidable mistake, but still.
Also, look here:
Gathering its strength, Kircketot waited a moment before charging.
I think you know what's wrong here. Third time's the charm:
Yeah. I believe I have sufficiently proved my point about lack of proofreading.
This sentence is kinda screwy too:
“Gym retired. Look at the Pokémon center for leader app.”
You should try "Ask at" or "Look in". "Look at the Pokemon Centre" implies that if I just turn around and look at the walls of the Pokemon Centre building, I'll see some poster advertising the open Gym Leader position, which is obviously not the case since Tommy missed it. And try not to use short-forms please, there are people that don't understand simple abbrieviations. I doubt an official notice will have short-forms anyway. :x
You missed a hyphen on "low-lying branch" somewhere, so yeah.
Your comma placement is a bit dodgy, but I'm too lazy to elaborate at the moment. Hurhur. Go look over it yourself.
I don't feel like ranting much more for such a short story, so let's end this section. Mmm, Medium steak. Take a Pass.
Take a Medium-Well and a Pass. :P
Isn't Kricketot red in colour? Not pink? Sorry, just had to get it off my chest.
I don't have much to complain about here... You described everything except the oak tree, which doesn't really matter to me for such a simple story. Good to see you haven't been infected by my "cluttered description" syndrome. :D I want to gripe again about a lack of background info for the girl, since it kinda actually goes here under Detail. :x Oh well.
Medium steak comes with a Pass attached.
This was rather interesting simply because Nincada ended up on its back and flailing around like a turtle or Squirtle. Yeah. Other than that it was rather bland, but then again, Kricketot and Nincada's movepools are under nine thousand, so yeah.
I don't see any Bide attack. Where's the Bide attack? :x
The branch falling onto Kricketot was clearly hax, and I bet it scored a CH too. That's unfair. D: Then again, Nincada getting flipped was hax too, so it evens out. This battle is two-sided! Environment use was okay as well, with some interaction with the Oak tree.
Considering you hardly had much to work with, this was pretty good. :D Medium-Well Pass.
Why do I get this feeling that you got drunk halfway through writing this? :X I mean, for the first half it was okay, then BAM. All sorts of random typos start appearing, and your commas suddenly go off-colour or something. :x Ah well, it still meets expectations anyhow.
RAWR now grade my 66656 character story lol
-lazy to rant over a 6K story-