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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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Old 04-13-2009, 03:59 AM
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Default What You Wish For [PG-13]

Hi, y'all! I'm new around PE2K, but I thought I'd post some of my fanfic that I started a while ago a few other places. Anyway, I very much welcome any comments and/or critiques that you may have; I'm trying to improve my writing, so anything you have to offer is very much appreciated.

Blurb: Two teenage trainers, Sienna Brown and Lemon Chiffon, get more than they bargained for when they rescue a mysterious girl in the middle of a thunderstorm on Route 45. Suddenly, they find themselves inadvertently at the center of a quest to faraway Sinnoh on which the fate of the whole world hangs.

Rated PG-13 for occasional language, mild violence, and thematic elements.

WHAT YOU WISH FOR

----------------------------
Table of Contents----------------------------

Chapter One

"Doctor Orange?"

"Yes, Aubergine?"

The head lab tech sighed and ran a hand through her reddish-brown hair. "Ah—I didn't want to bother you, but..."

Orange paused the music she'd been playing on her headphones as she went over the data tables the numbers people had sent up from the lab, and raised an eyebrow. "But?"

"She's... she's shut herself in her room. She won't come out to eat or let anyone in, and is ignoring all attempts at communication. It seems she’s also barricaded the door with some of the furnishings."

Now Aubergine had her full attention. "What?" Orange asked, sharply, yanking the headphones off of her ears. "Why? You've got her on camera, right? What's she doing?"

Aubergine shifted uneasily on her feet, the soles of her sneakers shuffling with an awkward squeaking noise across the sterile metal floor. "Well, Doctor... she's... she's reading.” She laughed nervously—a bit unsettled. The doctor could understand. Their charge, coupled with a sudden change in behavior... “That’s, well... that's about all, just reading the books we gave her to teach her. She seems very focused on them. I wouldn’t be concerned, but she's been sitting on her bed reading them for the last six hours. Uh, I think she’s looking at an annotated atlas right now, as of the last report. I’ve issued orders for her to be left alone for now, since I didn’t want to risk upsetting her by forcing the door, but I wanted your opinion."

"Well, at least that's fairly innocuous," said Orange, leaning back in her desk chair, frowning. "Let me know if the situation changes at all—she may not need to eat often, but she's got to want food sometime. Let me know, and I want to see her when she does; we need to know as much as possible about her mental state." Her frown deepened. "I've read the reports from the Mewtwo project..."

A crease formed in the Aubergine's forehead. "Understood, ma'am," she said, the color draining from her face even as she nodded.

Orange laughed. "Well, don't be too worried. She's never displayed any violent tendencies; I doubt we'll have the same outcome as those idiots from the Cinnabar operation. Anyway, anything else to report?"

"Not much," said Aubergine. "I've got the charts finalized for this week—she's still progressing mostly normally in terms of regular development, aside from the initial growth-enhancement. Displaying high levels of intelligence—still interested in her lessons, though we're having to come up with new things to teach her regularly—speaking of which, remind me, I have new lesson plans for you to approve—and seems to like being around people for the most part... very quiet, though."

The doctor nodded, thoughtfully. "Seems about right," she said, finally. "At least within normal variation of the projections. We didn't design her to be an extrovert, anyway. Is that all?"

Aubergine frowned. "Well, there was one more thing."

"Yes?"

"The restlessness in her sleep I mentioned a couple days ago? The night duty team said that it's continued over the last two nights. Murmuring in her sleep again... last night apparently she was sleepwalking a little."

"Sleepwalking?"

"She got up around midnight, walked across the room, stared at her bookshelf for a little while, and then got back in bed."

Orange drummed her fingers on the desk, frowning. "Have you managed to record anything she said? I know they didn't get anything the first time..."

"We placed a separate mic in a different location after the first occurrence, and they did get something this time—I... uh..." She patted down her sides, and flipped through the pages on her clipboard. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I don't seem to have the transcript with me. It was mainly a lot of nonsense, though. I know I couldn't make any sense of it, and none of the others could either."

Orange brushed a stray lock of ginger hair behind her ear. "That's all right. Just make sure to get it to me ASAP. If that's all, you can go now."

"Thank you, ma'am," said Aubergine, and walked out the door, closing it behind herself.

Doctor Orange propped herself up on her desk by her elbows, leaning forward, and dialed the computer to bring up the security camera from the subject's room, figuring she ought to check on things herself to see what all this was about. The computer brought up the window—

—and Orange sat upright. She hastily punched the comm for the tech who had just left moments earlier. "Aubergine!" she said. "Check security camera S-5. What do you see?"

There was a brief moment of lag, and then a crackle of static. "Hear you, Doctor. Just a second..." A pause, and then: "Oh, crap. Ma'am—"

"I checked it myself, too. I'm overriding the door lock code. Get a team for backup, stat!"

"Right!" A long pause, presumably as Aubergine dialed the security team and waited for them to come. Then: "We're in place. Go ahead, Doctor—"

"Opening the door."

The door swung open on Orange's screen, and she watched as the black-clad security team push their way in through the makeshift furniture barricade, followed by Aubergine, who made her way through the crowd over to the gaping hole in the wall.

"Camera, zoom in," said Orange, and watched as the computer's view came closer to the hole. It went clear through, from floor to ceiling—right through the paint and plaster and reinforced steel, and even through the solid rock on the other side of the wall, perfectly round and smooth like it had been cut by a laser. Or... She saw Aubergine lift her communicator.

"Doctor, I think we have a problem," said Aubergine.

"Yes," said Orange, a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Yes, I think we do."

###

"Come on! I'm tired!"

"Five more minutes!" Sienna Brown shouted over her shoulder, as she jogged down the hill, through the tall grasses that covered most of Route 45. "We're almost done for the night, I swear!"

"That's what you said an hour ago—and now it's ten o' clock," said the taller blonde girl, leaning back against a tree and gesturing up at the clear night sky. "Seriously, Sienna, this is not how sane people train. If you really want to have even a chance this time, you ought to get some rest so that your pokémon don't faint from exhaustion in the middle of battle! Or you, for that matter!"

Sienna scowled. "Just because you won the badge on your first try doesn't mean I have to listen to you, Lemon," she grumbled. "You can go back to the pokémon center if you really want to. In the meantime, we will continue training. Isn't that right, guys?" There was a pause. "Guys?"

She turned. Behind her, her graveler and vileplume were snoozing on the hillside, while ninetales had gotten into her backpack and was pulling out all the food containers and opening them with her claws. Sighing, she recalled all three of them into their pokéballs, and flopped down on the grass, hooking the red and white balls to her belt. "All right, so maybe I'd better wrap up," she admitted, as she started to clean up the mess around her backpack. "Still, though..." Her nose wrinkled. "I really, really need this badge."

Lemon sat down next to her and leaned back on her elbows. "It isn't bad, really. I mean, you've already got seven badges, and you could have an eighth if you'd just swallow your pride and try another gym that doesn't specialize in Dragon-types. That's something to be proud of. It's not like you have to go for the Blackthorn gym."

Pulling a face, Sienna folded her hands neatly behind her head, brushing her brunette pigtails out of the way and onto the grass. "Well, yes, but..." She scowled. "Smug wossname told me I didn't have a chance," she muttered under her breath, grumpily.

Her friend laughed. "Oh, Sienna," she said, crossing her legs neatly. "Do grow up, will you?"

"Oh, come on," said Sienna, waving her arms wildly above her head and shooting Lemon a burning glare. "I'm sixteen, can't I be allowed my moments of childishness every once in a while? Saying something like that was practically tempting destiny. I have to win, now, don't you see? And then I will take on the League, and win, and be Sienna Brown, Pokémon Master!" She struck a dramatic half-pose with her arms as if she'd just won the League tournament.

"You watch far too much television," Lemon said. "You’re always destiny this, destiny that–real life doesn't work like that, you know."

"Who says?" Sienna retorted. "Maybe someday I’ll be one of the Elite Four. You never know. Or maybe we'll stumble into the middle of, I don't know, some earth-shattering plot and have to save the world! Didn't you ever dream of that kind of thing as a girl? Becoming the greatest trainer ever, saving the world from evil, being adored by everyone from Kanto to Sinnoh for your great and courageous deeds?" She paused. "Oh, right, you were never a little girl. Silly me."

Lemon stuck out her tongue. "I had dreams of my own. I just have my feet firmly planted on the ground, that's all," she said.

"Oh, really?"

"Hmph," said Lemon. "I'll have you know that I indulged some very vivid daydreams about becoming a famous professional writer known across every region and being a regular guest on the Buena Show."

Sienna stifled a laugh, clapping her hands over her mouth, though she couldn't help but snort through her fingers. "That—wow, way to dream big, Lemon. Couldn't you come up with anything a little more exciting?"

"Ha ha," said Lemon. "You'll excuse me if I didn't daydream about the apocalypse, all right? Saving the world is fine, but my dreams have better career opportunities, thanks."

"Touché," Sienna said, drily. "Each to her own, I suppose."

"Indeed," agreed Lemon. "Anyway, we should head in. So you can actually get some sleep for once, I mean, not stay up until one fiddling with your pokénav."

"All right," said Sienna, reluctantly. "Let's—oh, damn."

"What?"

"Felt a raindrop," said Sienna, frowning up at the now-ominously overcast sky. "Looks like a big one. We'd better run for it."

"Agreed," said Lemon, and the both took off, Sienna grabbing her backpack hastily as they dashed for the path.

Sienna was soon proven right as the clouds opened up overhead, starting a downpour and quickly turning the path into a river of mud. Both girls jumped as a flash of lightning lit the sky, as well.

"We'll have to stop!" yelled Lemon, above the crash of thunder, frantically trying to use her vest and backpack as a makeshift umbrella. "Let's try to get to that stand of trees over there! There'll be some shorter ones to hide under!"

"Got it!" Sienna called back, pulling the hood of her sweatshirt over her head as she followed her friend into the trees, darting quickly past the outer ones and into the middle of the grove, where more of the rainfall was caught by the trees and the rumbling of the thunder sounded more distant. There was a clearing there, big enough to be away from the bases of the trees and thus safe from the lightning, and the two halted there.

"Phew," said Lemon, shaking water out of her wavy hair as she squatted down, unrolling a tarp from her backpack and setting it on the ground. "Guess we won't be heading back to the Center after all. At least not until the storm passes."

"I'll sign on to that. There's no way I'm going back out there in that kind of weather," Sienna muttered, setting herself down on the tarp. She immediately began stripping off her wet outerclothes, replacing them with a raincoat from inside her backpack and sealing the soaked clothing in a compression pouch.

Lemon was busy fiddling with her pokénav. "Can't get a signal—must be interference from the storm," she said, before switching it off. "Funny, though. I checked the weather this morning, and it was a pretty low chance of rain. No thunderstorms even on the radar." She shivered; she hadn't brought any warmer clothes with her as the day had been fairly warm up until that point.

"Goes to show how bloody useless the weather forecasters are," said Sienna, and tossed her friend a slightly worn but well cared-for emergency blanket. "Here, put it on," she said.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." Sienna shook her head, sending droplets of water flying in the process. "Man, I've got to get me a castform one of these days. It could come in handy at times like this."

Lemon smiled weakly. "Well, at least you're prepared. Shame on me."

"Meh, once out of a hundred times." Sienna shrugged. "How many times have you saved me when I've been out for something? Can't count 'em." She looked down at her feet. "It's what friends do for friends, right?"

"Heh. Well, let me tell you, right now there's no one I'd rather be stuck out here with than you."

Sienna grinned. "And, you know, maybe I won't even start talking about—"

Lightning lit up the clearing, suddenly much closer than it had been before, and thunder rumbled. And in the flash of lightning, a human figure was briefly silhouetted, before it buckled at the knees and fell limply forward into the wet grass.

"—destiny?" Sienna whispered.

Last edited by yaysunshine; 05-15-2009 at 12:16 AM.
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Old 04-13-2009, 05:45 AM
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Default Re: What You Wish For [PG-13]

This is really nice; I enjoyed reading it. The dialogue is fantastic ^^ But you may want to consider a little more description. In this chapter I think everything was explained well enough between the characters, but maybe later on.

I like it a lot, though - I can't wait to read the next chapter =D
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Old 04-15-2009, 04:18 AM
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Default Re: What You Wish For [PG-13]

Thanks, Silvyre, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far! If you wouldn't mind elaborating on what you said—any particular examples of things that you think could use fleshing out?

Anyway, might as well post more since I have a few chapters typed up:

----------------------------

CHAPTER TWO

Sienna grinned. "And, you know, maybe I won't even start talking about—"

Lightning lit up the clearing, suddenly much closer than it had been before, and thunder rumbled. And in the flash of lightning, a human figure was briefly silhouetted, before it buckled at the knees and fell limply forward into the wet grass.

"—destiny?" Sienna finished.


"Ah!" cried Lemon, and sprang up, hurrying over to the fallen newcomer. Sienna was close on her heels, and watched as Lemon carefully turned the girl face-up.

She was a younger girl; Sienna put her at maybe no more than thirteen years old, if that. Strangely, she had long, nearly-white hair that shone in the flashes of lightning above and very pale skin that bordered on translucent in the darkness. And in spite of the terrible weather—well, despite all logic, for that matter—she was dressed in what resembled a heavy-duty version of a hospital gown.

Sienna summed it up, cocking her head to the side: "Huh."

"Don't just stand there, do something helpful!" Lemon chastised. "She's clearly injured. Oh, go get my first aid kit, will you? We can at least bandage her up or something, if she has any scrapes."

"Fine," muttered Sienna, and grabbed Lemon's bag, rooting through it as she walked back to her and the fallen girl. "Who do you think she is, anyway?"

Lemon looked thoughtful, crinkling her nose and frowning. "I would say she's probably another trainer, but she doesn't look like she has any pokéballs on her... and she's certainly not dressed for it," she said, taking the first aid kit Sienna handed to her. "We'll have to ask her when she wakes up."

Sienna kicked at some grass. "Guess so," she said, frowning. "It's weird, though. Her showing up and all, in the middle of this thunderstorm from out of the middle of nowhere... And what ordinary person dresses like that? It’s sort of like—"

"I thought you weren't going to start talking about destiny," said Lemon.

"I'm not," Sienna sniffed. "Just think it's odd, that's all."

Lemon ignored her, checking for a pulse on the girl and looking for steady breathing; she even felt the girl's forehead. "Hm," she said. "Doesn't seem to be anything too bad—for all I know, it's just plain exhaustion. In any case, she seems to be sleeping all right and with no major apparent injuries, so maybe we should try to carry her back to the Pokémon Center when the storm clears."

"Mm," agreed Sienna, still studying the girl. "Should we maybe move her onto the tarp so she doesn't get all wet and hypothermic?"

"Uh—Ah! Right. That's a good plan," said Lemon, sounding a little startled, as if she hadn't been paying attention. "I... never mind."

Sienna frowned. "No, what?"

Lemon shook her head as she took the girl's legs and Sienna slipped her arms under the girl's torso. "Ah—nothing. I was just thinking, that's all... I was wondering where she could have come from, out here, if she's not a trainer. Most people don't venture out on foot too far without a pokémon on hand... and we're pretty far from Blackthorn, aren’t we?"

"That's practically what I said," muttered Sienna, rolling her eyes, as they set the girl down on the tarp. "I mean, there's an entrance to Dark Cave near here, but she couldn't have come out of there. See, it's weird!"

"I'm sure it's only—" Lemon began, but stopped abruptly as the girl began to stir.

"Nnh..." The girl sat up, rubbing her eyes. She looked around, and jumped slightly from her seated position seeing Lemon at her side, looking faintly alarmed. She blinked, and Sienna was almost taken aback by their color—a rather violent shade of violet. "Who are you?" the girl asked, her large eyes wide. She really did look very young, Sienna noted.

"Ah... we're pokémon trainers," stammered Lemon, who had been thrown off by the girl's sudden awakening. "We were out here training, and had to take shelter when it started raining—we found you out here. I'm Lemon Chiffon, and this is Sienna Brown. What's your name?"

The girl looked pensive. "My... my name is Dolly," she said, hesitantly, corners of her mouth turned down in the most delicate of frowns, as if she wasn't quite sure she should be telling them.

Sienna thought it was a strange name—not to mention strange that she seemed so hesitant about saying it—but she kept that to herself; in any case, she wasn't going to give Lemon an excuse to rail on about how she had no tact. She did have tact. Sometimes, anyway. Shrugging to herself, she crouched down next to Lemon. "So," she said. "Anyway, we're here to help you. Can you tell us anything about how you got here, what kind of shape you're in, where you came from? Did you come from Blackthorn City?"

Dolly frowned again, her white eyebrows knitting together. "Blackthorn City... is that near here?” she asked. “Where I came from... I don’t think it was very far from here, but I don’t know if it was Blackthorn City or not.”

“You don’t know where Blackthorn—” Sienna began, incredulously, but was silenced by a sharp pinch to her arm by Lemon.

“What else do you remember about the place you came from?” asked Lemon, gently. “The more you can tell us, the easier it’ll be for us to get in touch with your family.”

“I...” said Dolly, looking a bit hesitant. “I don’t remember anything very well. I don’t... I’m not sure I...” She chewed on her lower lip slightly, looking quite distraught. “I’m sorry.”

Lemon looked over at Sienna. "Memory loss?"

"Maybe," said Sienna, shrugging. It would certainly explain a few things. "I'm no doctor." Suddenly, she noticed something—or rather, the absence of something: "Hey, the rain stopped!"

"Ah—it did, didn't it?" said Lemon, cocking an ear to the sky. "How about that. And I didn't even notice. Well, if you feel like you can walk a little, Dolly, we can help you get to the Pokémon Center in Blackthorn City, and they can help you a bit more there. They have doctors and nurses and more advanced medical equipment there, so they can probably take better care of you until you're ready to get back on your feet properly, so to speak."

The younger girl hesitated. "All right," she said, finally, and got to her feet, looking a little wobbly on her legs. Lemon quickly put an arm around her on one side to steady her, while Sienna went to quickly grab the rest of their gear and pack it away into her backpack before taking Dolly's other side.

Sienna nodded. "Good. All right, then," she said, wearily. "Now let's get out of here."

###

"Aubergine? What's the latest on the Dolly case?"

Aubergine sighed wearily, rubbing her temples. "We've already started patching the hole in the wall and sealing it up, but as far as we can tell she would have been able to make it to the outside tunnels the trainers use. Hard to track, since it's all rock on the ground and she was barefoot, but we figure she must have gone outside. The cave exit isn't far from where she would have come out, and she probably would have gravitated toward the lighter area—and out to Route 45."

Doctor Orange cradled her head in her hands. "Ooh. This is really, really not good. I don't even know—we have to get her back somehow—one way or another. She'll probably head towards either Blackthorn or New Bark." She sighed, and rubbed the bridge of her nose. A serious migraine was coming on. "At least she's distinctive. There's a blessing. As long as we can find her and find her really fast..."

"Should I get the security team out to look for her, then? Split them up?"

Orange thought for a moment. "Actually..." She frowned. "Let's leave Security out of this one," she said, cautiously. "We don't know enough about what she can do even now—the observation period hasn't been near long enough what with all the genes we spliced together—and if someone approaches her the wrong way... well, look what she did to the wall. We really don't need a public debacle putting us on the cover of Trainers' Daily. We've worked so hard, and the last thing we need is a League raid shutting us down. No, Security won't work for this. That, and I don't trust any of them as far as I could throw them not to rat on us to HQ about this whole farce once they're outside."

A wrinkle creased Aubergine's forehead. "But... who's retrieving her, then? And how?"

Orange coughed lightly. "I'm calling in some... special help. What's the saying? If all you have is a hammer, then you'll try to solve every problem with a hammer? Something like that. This job requires..." She paused, trying to think of a way to phrase it. "Just a little more subtlety and finesse than is generally possessed by the average member of our security team, if you take my meaning."

"Ah," said Aubergine, with just the slightest hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. The grunts HQ had assigned them as a security detail weren't exactly chosen for their intelligence and innovative problem-solving; that was well-known and well-lamented by the scientists in the organization. "Well, I'll leave it to you, then. And here's the transcripts from the recordings that I promised you, Doctor..." She dropped a packet in a manila envelope onto the doctor's desk.

"Thank you," said Orange. "I'll read them as soon as it's convenient—in this situation, they might even help us figure out where she's gone and what her aim is in escaping. Get someone to look over the books she was reading, too. Something in them might have inspired her to make a break for it. You said she was looking at maps? Go over the security tapes, see what she was looking at, what areas. Every hint is helpful. Even if it seems insignificant, put it in the report. I want it on my desk as soon as humanly possible."

"I'll get on that right away, ma'am," said Aubergine, straightening.

"Make it so, Number One," said Orange, loftily, and waved her out the door. It was only then that she let herself flop down onto her desk in a display of complete and utter frustration and exhaustion.

"Augh," she groaned. "Why now of all times—and she was perfect, too, my magnum opus, and now she's gone. Why me–"

—And then she snapped upright in her chair as a sudden jolt of electricity lanced through her arm. She whirled around. “What was that for?” she demanded of the magneton floating behind her.

It fixed her with a withering glare that said quite clearly: Get a grip, idiot. Orange rolled her eyes. “I know, I know, Linus, get back to work instead of whining, I got it,” she muttered, waving a dismissive hand behind her as she turned back toward the desk and the phone. As long as this whole disaster was taken care of, and taken care of quickly, nothing bad would happen.

On the other hand, if things didn’t... Orange’s thoughts flickered briefly to the inspection from the organization's top dogs in a week, and she shuddered. It was probably best not to think about what might happen in that case.

Holding the receiver to her ear with one hand, she reached for the aspirin with the other. This was going to be one long, long week.
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^ Now updated with Chapter Three! ^

Last edited by yaysunshine; 04-15-2009 at 05:08 AM.
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Old 04-15-2009, 04:58 AM
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Default Re: What You Wish For [PG-13]

Another great chapter! Right now this really reminds me of The Day the Earth Stood Still... xD

And what I was originally talking about is maybe including some of the characters' separate thoughts and feelings about... pretty much anything that comes up. It gives the reader a better background of the character, and the reader can distinguish the character from others. For example, Sienna's or Lemon's thought on the abruptly changing weather would have improved that paragraph even more.

But still, that could just be me. xD I think you handle descriptions very nicely with dialogue. As I said before, the dialogue is fantastic. ^^
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Old 05-15-2009, 12:14 AM
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@Silvyre: Thanks, that's good to know. I'll be keeping that in mind :)

Now: more!

Chapter Three

CHAPTER 3

In a small apartment in Goldenrod City, a man hung up the phone and rubbed at the dark circles under his eyes. “Hey, sis,” he said, turning around in his desk chair to face the other occupant of the room. “Wake up. We’ve got a job.”

The woman lying on the futon across the room turned over and half-opened one tired eye in his direction. “Nngh. Do they always have to call so late at night?" She leaned over to flick on the cheap plastic table lamp that sat next to her on the bare floor. "Who was it?”

“Dr. Orange—Cady Orange, remember her?” The man took a swig from the coffee cup he held in one hand. “From the Dark Cave operation. Calling in a favor. Seems that one of their experiments managed to escape from the lab and is on the run, and they need it back ASAP.”

“I think I might have heard you mention something about that when you were on the phone with her,” said the woman, frowning slightly and propping herself up against the wall, brushing her long hair back behind her shoulders to avoid sitting on it. “What is it, then? Probably something weird, knowing Cady.” She pulled a face.

The man shook his head. “It’s... well...” He paused, looking for words, rubbing his fingers over the bridge of his slightly crooked nose. "I'm not exactly sure how to even..."

The woman raised an eyebrow. “I hope you know what you’ve gotten us into. What exactly is this thing that we’re supposed to be chasing after, anyway?”

He sighed. “Well...”

###

Lemon had, as per her usual routine, gotten up early for breakfast and a nice walk around town. When she returned, she found Sienna who, as per her usual routine, was still fast asleep, curled up under the thin Pokémon Center standard-issue blankets, with only the top of her head poking out from under the covers.

Stifling a laugh, Lemon leaned over and gave her friend a poke in the shoulder. “Hey, Sie. I think it’s about time you got up, isn’t it?”

Sienna muttered something incoherent and rolled over. Lemon rolled her eyes. “Come on, Sienna. It’s either the easy way or the hard way. You remember the hard way, right?”

No response. Typical. Lemon shrugged, sighed, and then yanked the covers off with a flick of her hand.

“Hey!” Sienna yelled, grabbing at the sheets, but Lemon was prepared and quickly stepped out of her reach.

“Nuh-uh,” she said, wagging a finger. “It’s high time that you got up. You can’t sleep all day, you know. Things to do, people to see... and I thought you were planning to be out and about first thing to sign up on the battle list for the Gym?”

Sienna sighed. “That was before I stayed up past two getting that girl we found in the woods squared away,” she said. “Augh. I’m surprised my brain is even functioning—what time is it, anyway—eleven-thirty? Already?!”

She jumped out of bed with surprising energy, nearly knocking Lemon over in the process. “How can it be eleven-thirty already?” she ranted as she dug through her backpack for a fresh change of clothes. “The slots will all be full by now, how did I let myself—why the hell didn’t you wake me up, Lemon?”

“I tried,” Lemon said, leaning back against the wall. Sienna needed to calm down sometimes, she thought. While she appreciated the energy, it occasionally—well, often—ended up misplaced. “You kept muttering incoherently and covering your head with your pillow. I took that as a sign you didn’t want to be disturbed.” She took a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry you ended up sleeping in too late. We can go look at the list for the Gym as soon as you like.”

“As soon as I’d like was five hours ago,” muttered Sienna, testily, tugging on her second sock. “Almost ready.” Pause. “Er, hey—how’s the girl from last night? Dolly, right?”

Lemon shrugged. “I checked in on her briefly early this morning, but she was still asleep,” she said. “The nurses said she was doing all right, though. I guess we were right in thinking that it was mainly exhaustion. I was thinking I might stop in later today to say hello, at the very least. You can come, too, although I didn’t know if you’d want to.”

Sienna sighed. “Well, maybe after we check to see if there are any slots still left at the Gym,” she said, grudgingly, twirling a lock of her hair around one finger. “I still have my priorities, you know.”

Lemon snickered. “Really. Well, let’s get a move-on, and get out and about. Time’s a-wasting, after all.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” muttered Sienna, and Lemon trailed her out the door.

###

The list, as it turned out, was full up for the whole day. Sienna was outraged; Lemon privately thought that it served her right. Sienna was far too impatient most of the time, and it would probably do her some good to take it a little easier, if she would let herself.

It took no small amount of coaxing, however, to convince Sienna to visit Dolly with her now-dampened spirits. Impossible would be a good word to describe her, Lemon thought. Utterly impossible. While the two of them had been friends and training buddies for years, it was days like these that made Lemon question why she regularly put up with all this.

“Come on, Sienna, stop being so obstinate,” she scolded. “Really, I can’t believe you! The girl could really use some company, and you just want to sit in the room and sulk. We got you on for tomorrow, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, but it’s tomorrow,” Sienna moaned. “I wanted it to be today.”

“Stop being stubborn and just come with me. It might cheer you up, in any case, and it’s still relatively early yet—it won’t take very long, and then you can do anything you want. Sulk, prepare, sleep some more, whatever.”

Sienna scowled. “I guess I could.”

“That’s the spirit,” said Lemon, and grabbed her friend’s wrist. “Come along now, let’s get going!” she added, and proceeded to cheerfully drag Sienna down the road back to the Pokémon Center.

Sienna did, thankfully, cheer up a little bit on the way back, though Lemon had to grab her a bagel and some coffee from the dregs of the continental breakfast bar before asking the nurse on duty if they could pay Dolly a visit. She’d known Sienna long enough to know that she didn’t do well on an empty stomach, and also that if she wasn’t fed she’d be whining incessantly before long.

The nurse smiled at the two of them as they traipsed down the hall after her. “She woke up a little after you left,” she said to Lemon, while Sienna munched happily on the bagel. “Seems like a real sweetheart, too, although you may be right that she has a little memory loss—a little mixed up. She’s been nothing but polite, though—a patient like her could spoil me!” she laughed.

“That’s great to hear,” said Lemon, smiling. “Any word about her family, or where she might have come from?”

“Not yet,” said the nurse, as she spotted Dolly’s room at the end of the hall and produced a set of keys from her pocket. “We’ve put out word to the police in all the nearby cities and towns and asked a couple of television stations to mention her case, though, so if they’re nearby it’s really only a matter of time. Ah, here we go,” she said, after rifling through the extensive set of keys for the right one, and unlocked the door. “You can go right in. I have to go do my rounds, but if you need anything, there’s a button by the door to call me.”

“Thanks,” said Lemon, and the two of them entered.

Dolly, who occupied the room’s sole bed, sat up a little straighter as they came in and gave them an earnest, if awkward smile. “Hello,” she said, folding the sheets down around her waist. “It’s good to see you.”

“Oh, it’s a pleasure,” said Lemon, with her most reassuring smile as she took a place in the chair beside Dolly’s bed. “We just wanted to check in on you, see how you were doing. It’s always nice to have a friendly face when you’re in an unfamiliar place. Right, Sienna?” she added, elbowing her friend in the side.

“Er, yeah, right,” said Sienna. “How are you feeling? Better?”

“Much better,” said Dolly. “Thank you very much for bringing me here.”

“No prob,” said Sienna, shrugging. “Er... do you remember any more about what happened? Like, where you came from, and stuff? I know the staff here are trying to find out where your family is...”

A pause. “I still don’t remember very much,” she said, slowly. “I think... I think I may be a little confused.” She looked mildly worried; a little nervous. "Or something."

Out of the corner of her eye, Lemon saw Sienna perk up slightly, imagination no doubt running wild with theories that Dolly was part of something out of a spy movie or from another dimension or something. Time to change the subject before Sienna could say something silly. “When are they saying you’ll be up and about again?”

“Very soon,” said Dolly. “The nurse said that I was probably all right, but that they were waiting for a doctor from the big hospital to come over and give me a check-up before they discharged me.”

Lemon smiled. “Well, if things go all right, we ought to take you out to dinner. What do you think, Sienna?”

“Fine with me,” said Sienna. “As long as we make sure we get some practice time in this afternoon. My training will pay off for sure this time, I know it. Clair will be begging me for forgiveness this time tomorrow—”

“Um...” Both Lemon and Sienna turned to look at Dolly. “You said you were pokémon trainers, right?” she said.

“Oh—yes,” said Lemon, blinking. “Er, why do you ask?”

Dolly looked a little nervous, glancing furtively around the room as if worried that someone might be listening. “I... I wanted to ask you something. It’s kind of important, I guess, and I... was hoping that maybe you could help me with it.”

Sienna frowned. “What is it?”

“I—”

But before she could finish her sentence, the door opened. “Sorry,” said the newcomer, a harried-looking man in a doctor’s coat, carrying a clipboard and a steaming cup of coffee, and—curiously—sporting a collection of what Lemon recognized to be faded scars on his face. “Don’t want to interrupt—they called me over to do a check-up on her—have to ask you to leave for a while.” He rubbed at his eyes, stifling a yawn with his other hand. “Shouldn’t take too long.”

“Oh—all right,” said Lemon, blinking. Dolly did say a doctor would be coming by. He was a bit young, but he definitely looked tired enough to be a new resident. “What was it you were going to say, Dolly?”

Dolly looked quite startled. “I—not right now. I’ll tell you later,” she said.

Lemon shrugged, and patted her gently on the arm as she stood to leave. “All right, then. We had probably better get going anyway. We’ll see you later. I hope your check-up goes well.”

“Er, yeah. Bye, I guess,” added Sienna, sounding a little thrown off and with a slight frown on her face, but she followed Lemon as they left the room and headed back down the hallway that they had entered from.

Sienna was still frowning when they reached the lobby. “What is it?” asked Lemon.

“Nothing,” said Sienna. “I think. She had a funny look on her face when we left, though. I wonder what it was she wanted to say...”

“We’ll have a chance to see her later,” Lemon said, hiking her satchel further up on her shoulders as they exited the sliding doors. “She’ll have a chance to tell us then. In any case... why don’t we grab a quick lunch, and then head out to Route 45 for a while? If you can’t challenge the gym today, you might as well get some more practice in.”

“Mm. I guess so.” Sienna nodded, still looking a little distant. “Yeah, why not.” She gave Lemon a sideways glance, one eyebrow raised. “But if we’re eating out, you’re paying for it.”

Lemon grinned, and took her friend by the shoulders as they headed down the street. “Now that’s more like it. Come along, now. Today’s going to be a great day, I can tell already.”

And then the Pokémon Center blew up.
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  #6  
Old 05-18-2009, 08:30 AM
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Default Re: What You Wish For [PG-13]

I'm sorry I didn't notice this before--better late than never! xD

Wow! I really loved this first chapter. I'm a little busy right now, so I'll read the next two chapters later. :3

I love your writing style, and even with just the first chapter: I can tell this'll be an awesome story. Original idea and great description, dialogue--everything! :D

I found a typo:
Quote:
Originally Posted by yaysunshine View Post
"Agreed," said Lemon, and the both took off,
'the' should be 'they'. x3

Also, it's correct to capitalise the 'p' in 'Pokemon', and the first letter of Pokemon names. However, if, like Scy (Scytherwolf), you don't do it for a particular reason, then that's fine. :P

I'll read more soon. :3

And...Orange and Lemon? LOL! I also like 'Sienna Brown'. xD Made me giggle. :3 But I think 'Sienna' is a pretty name. :D

~Xanthe.

EDIT: Okay, read chapter two and three. :D I didn't spot any errors in these chapters, and I really liked them! The part where Lemon was getting Sienna out of bed was funny. xD But I know what it's like--I hate getting up early...or getting up at all. xD

I'm really interested to know what Dolly was going to say...and what kind of experiment she is. Also, I was really confused when the Pokemon Centre blew up!! xD And why is there a human being treated in a Pokemon Centre? xD

I'd love to read the next chapter. :3 Don't wait to post it! :D
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Old 05-19-2009, 06:54 PM
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Default Re: What You Wish For [PG-13]

@Graceful Suicune: Thanks for your comments! Hah, I guess I'm out of line with the majority of the fandom on the capitalization issue... I've always preferred to not capitalize pokemon names, since they're not proper nouns--to me it just feels a little odd, like capitalizing Sparrow or Salamander or Eagle, I guess. Each to one's own, I suppose. Fixing the typo, though, good eye.

As for why they brought Dolly to the Pokemon Center, it was mainly because she didn't have any particular injuries, and I'd figure they have some good quick first-aid stuff there since trainers get into all sorts of trouble that doesn't quite require a hospital visit. Also... well, you know, plot convenience.

I'm people are are liking this so far. :) I was a bit worried that the whole schtick I was working here was overdone, even if I was trying to do a fresher take on it. I have the next two chapters done, actually--they just need to go through some final edits before they're ready to post. Chapter four will probably go up this weekend.
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Old 05-19-2009, 10:10 PM
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Default Re: What You Wish For [PG-13]

Quote:
Originally Posted by yaysunshine View Post
@Graceful Suicune: Thanks for your comments! Hah, I guess I'm out of line with the majority of the fandom on the capitalization issue... I've always preferred to not capitalize pokemon names, since they're not proper nouns--to me it just feels a little odd, like capitalizing Sparrow or Salamander or Eagle, I guess. Each to one's own, I suppose. Fixing the typo, though, good eye.

As for why they brought Dolly to the Pokemon Center, it was mainly because she didn't have any particular injuries, and I'd figure they have some good quick first-aid stuff there since trainers get into all sorts of trouble that doesn't quite require a hospital visit. Also... well, you know, plot convenience.

I'm people are are liking this so far. :) I was a bit worried that the whole schtick I was working here was overdone, even if I was trying to do a fresher take on it. I have the next two chapters done, actually--they just need to go through some final edits before they're ready to post. Chapter four will probably go up this weekend.
I see! xD Yeah, that's the same with Scy--she said that it's like capitalising 'animal' and 'rabbit'. I don't mind at all--just pointing it out in case that wasn't your reason. x3

And, I think I know the reason why they're counted as proper nouns. When someone says: Who do you like better--Clefairy or Pichu?" Well, you can say that, right? But you CAN'T say 'Who do you like better--dog or wolf?" Which, I believe, is part of the reason why they're capitalised. (And I try not to use Pokemon names in that context--I either use their plural or put 'a' before their names. xD)
I would probably not capitalise them either, but I couldn't stand not capitalising 'Pokemon'. It just seems wrong to me. xD
SO, like Scy does, when you do use Pokemon names as their names like I did above, then she capitalises them because otherwise it's like not capitalising a name. And also, people can name their Pokemon their Pokemon's species--but with animals, you can't. "This is Gyarados." "This is cat." ...The cat doesn't work, but the Gyarados does. xD

Yeah, I see now. :3 I mean, I don't blame you or anything--I just thought it would be funny to see a human in a Pokemon Centre. x3

TYPO! xD "I'm people are liking this so far"? xD You forgot 'glad'.
Ahh. Well, I'll be looking forward to it! :D

~Xanthe.
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