Member List
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

Thread Tools
Old 05-17-2009, 04:06 AM
Master Zorua's Avatar
Master Zorua Offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Where you least expect me to be...
Posts: 2,612
Default New Beginnings (Ready for regrading)

Thunder cracked as the rains poured down, lighting the dark night sky and the Viridian Forest below. The trees raged with the whipping winds as the heavy downpour shot through the leaves of the trees that lined the dirt path. "Dammit. There's too many... " a male voice sounded. A young trainer dressed in a black leather jacket, black jean pants, a white tee-shirt and black sneakers ran as hard as he could as the buzz of Beedrill reverberated through the woods following swiftly behind him.

"Well, I suppose this pathetic excuse for a pokemon will at least serve one purpose." the trainer said wearing a smirk across his face as he dashed on and tossed the pokeball before him, releasing a young Riolu from it. The small blue Riolu barely stood waist high. Its face was a mix of black and blue fur with two large black lobes hanging off the sides of its head like dog ears.

"Riolu, go attack them and don't come back until you've beaten them all!" the boy ordered as he stopped for a brief moment and turned around, pointing at the approaching swarm. As the boy turned and ran off once more, the obedient little Riolu hunched down and launched herself at the swarm of Beedrill as the trainer ran off in the distance.

"Good riddance to the lot. Those Beedrill were bad enough, and that puny runt couldn't fight its way out of a paper bag." The trainer muttered under his breath. Once the trainer could see the exit of the forest, he took out the Riolu's pokeball. With a smirk crossing the boy's face, he dropped it on the ground and smashed it underfoot, leaving the Riolu to her fate. He cared nothing for the pokemon. To him, the only thing that mattered was himself. Pokemon were nothing more than tools to be used, lesser beings created for humanity to use as they saw fit. As the trainer fled the forest, the strong storm winds blew the broken pokeball down the road.

Back in the forest, the little Riolu fought bravely, launching strings of quick attacks at the Beedrill, one after another. However, the Beedrill were too numerous and too angry. Each successful quick attack by the Riolu was met with the sharp pain of the Beedrill's spiked arms. The yellow and black swarms crowded around the little Riolu, denying her any room to continue her assault. The Beedrill relentlessly hammered the poor pokemon down with Twineedle attacks until she could barely move. The rain poured down on the Riolu, water soaking into the fur, washing the blood away and cooling the body. Even though it avoided being poisoned, the Riolu was too weak to fight anymore.

Once the Beedrill's wrath was satisfied, they flew back into the woods, leaving the Riolu alone in the pouring rain. The Riolu still had the strength to move, but just barely. Pouring her remaining energy into her arms, she pulled herself along the road and started crying out for her master. Her ears perked, but no one answered. Drenched and feeling a cold coming on, she pulled herself off of the road and underneath the canopy of trees. Curling up into a ball she tried to rest, though the cold chilled her body to the core. The winds raged as the storm blew on through the night.


"Here you are. Your Growlithe's in great shape." Nurse Joy spoke as she handed Robert his pokeball. The tall caucasian woman gave a smile to the young trainer as the boy turned towards the door. It was a little odd that just about every Nurse Joy worldwide looked the same: pink hair in circular pigtails, a pink and white nurses outfit with the white nurse's crown atop their heads. One had to wonder if cloning humans was a secret reality sometimes.

Robert walked out of the pokemon center and brushed his fingers through his short, spiky brown hair. His blue eyes gazed out at the path that await him. He wore a simple outfit of a white long-sleeved shirt, blue jeans pants and black sneakers. Robert was a new trainer from Oldale, Hoenn who received his Growlithe from his parents on his tenth birthday as a present. As his parents were both Pokemon Breeders, he received Growlithe as an egg and raised it with tender loving care even after Flare hatched. It had taken several days on boat to reach Kanto and Pallet Town from its southern dock, but now he was on his way from his pit stop at Viridian City towards the location of his very first gym challenge against the Pewter City gym.

Robert took out the 'Kanto Travel Guide' from his backpack and began to flip through the pages while his Growlithe Flare trotted beside him. Flare was still a young Growlithe, only about a month old. Her body was covered with a soft, thick coat of orange fur that was marked with black tiger stripes and white fur along her underbelly, face and head fur. “Well, Flare, we're certainly going to have our work cut out for us it seems.” he spoke before closing up the booklet and tucking it back into his backpack.

Robert and Flare entered the pathway towards the Viridian Forest. There were plenty of warnings about poisonous pokemon, both from the citizens of the town and the sign at the entrance of the forest. Robert made sure he had a can of replant, two antidotes, and two potions for the trip. Taking out his pokenav, Robert plotted the course and overall distance from Viridian City to Pewter City. From the information on his Pokenav, Robert was able to figure out that the trip from Viridian City to Pewter City would take about five hours. “Ok, we'll travel for about two and a half hours, break for lunch and then move the rest of the way to Pewter.” Robert spoke as he walked onto the path which cut through the dense forest ahead of them.

"Alright, Flare, let's get going. If we're lucky, we might run into a grass type. You're good, but I don't want to put you into a bad match-up." Robert spoke as he looked down at Flare. Flare gave a yip and as she trotted along with Robert into the forest. The denseness of the forest seemed to almost block out the sun with the thick canopy of leaves above them. The place was rich with the sounds of pokemon wildlife.

The forest seemed alive with the many Weedles, Caterpies, Metapods and Kakunas lining the trees. There was one thing that seemed to catch Robert's eyes that seemed out of place. Flare saw it as well and rushed over to the spot on the dirt path before them. There were pieces of a broken pokeball scattered about. It looked like it was smashed by something given how many pieces it was in. Kneeling down, Robert picked up the pieces from the ground.

"Did a Beedrill break this?" Robert asked before tucking the broken pokeball pieces into his backpack. It was strange to find something like this. If it were intact, he would be able to use his pokedex to see if it was empty or if it had housed a pokemon at one time, as well as who the trainer was. But with the pokeball being as broken as it was, it would be impossible to determine anything from it. He was no specialist and even if he was, he certainly didn't have the proper equipment.

Two and a half hours had passed and the sun was high in the sky, though the canopy of leaves and branches made it difficult to determine the time of day. The digital alarm on Robert's Pokenav began to beep. Taking out the pokenav, Robert saw that it was 11:45 AM, exactly two and a half hours since they were at the forest entrance.

"Alright, let's take a break for lunch.” Robert spoke with a smile gracing his face. Moving over to the side of the trail, Robert set down his backpack and opened it up while Flare bounced around him and began chasing her fluffy, white tail. First he took out a small plastic bowl and a plastic cannister labeled 'Flare's Food'. Opening the cannister, he poured several bite-sized pellets of pokemon food that he himself made. It was a blend of dried tomato berry powder, some citris berry powder, poke'meal paste and oats. Setting the bowl down, Flare quickly began to dig in. His Growlithe simply loved the food Robert made. Robert was never the kind to go out and buy anything generic. He made everything himself, and it was that kind of special attention as well as food quality that Flare seemed to enjoy most. As for Robert's food, he took out a rice ball and a ham sandwich. Robert was a decent cook on his own, but he seemed to specialize more in making pokemon food than human food. Still, he enjoyed his own meals. After a nice quick lunch, Robert packed everything up and hoisted the backpack back upon his back. Motioning for his Growlithe to follow, Robert was once again back on the trail.

After about half an hour more of walking, Robert's hopes of finding a grass type seemed ever slimmer. The only thing that wasn't a bug type that he saw was the brief glimpse of a Pikachu, but that bolted off as soon as Robert made eye contact with it.

Robert gave a heavy sigh after having walked for a full hour with no signs of a grass typed pokemon. He was starting to feel hopeless about the current situation. Perhaps it was because the place was so bug infested that no grass types lived in the area, he rationalized. “This is going nowhere. Maybe I should just get a bug pokemon and...”.

Robert's sentence was interrupted when Flare started barking anxiously after getting a sniff of the air. She barked frantically, turning to look at Robert and then turning again towards the direction of the scent she picked up.

"What is it girl?" Robert asked as the Growlithe ran off and into the woods. Robert ran, following close behind. Growlithe burst through a few shrubbery hedges, moving off of the dirt path. When the pair came to a stop, Robert's heart almost skipped a beat. It was a Riolu and it looked in very bad condition. There were cuts everywhere on its blue and black furred body. Its breathing was shallow, coughing every now and then. The ground around it looked as though it were stained with dried blood.

"Oh my Arceus..." Robert said as he dropped down to his knees and took out two spray cans; one antidote and one potion. During his days working with his parents back on their egg ranch, Robert knew that while a Lucario couldn't be poisoned because of its added steel typing, a Riolu was a pure fighting type and thus was prone to being poisoned.

"Hang in there little fella. This will sting, but it should help you get better." He spoke. The Riolu winced a bit in pain as Robert applied both sprays to the Riolu's wounds. However, the Riolu was chilled to the touch as well as damp. Taking out a towel from his back pack, Robert used it to dry off the Riolu and then wrapped it around the pokemon.

"We need to get out of this forest, fast!" Robert spoke. After applying the repellent to keep the bug pokemon away, Robert and Flare charged forward as fast as they could go towards Pewter City. Robert ran as fast as his legs could carry him, his heart pounding in his chest as each breath he took drained the air around him of oxygen. He could see and feel the little Riolu shiver and curl up. He wasn't sure how much time he had, but he knew he had to make it to the pokemon center and soon. Otherwise, things would take a turn for the worst. Right now, the Riolu's life was in his hands.

“Alright, take care now and we hope to see you again soon.” Nurse Joy spoke as she waved her hand at a departing trainer. The pokemon center entrance was a large, dome-shaped building with sliding glass doors at the front which opened up to the entry way. There were multiple tables and chairs around, along with two flat screen TVs hanging on each end of the main areas. At the rear of the entryway was the front desk where Nurse Joy and her Chancey were to greet trainers. Chancey was a rather large pokemon and egg-shaped. She wore a similar nurse's hat as Joy, and the majority of her body was pink in color. In her pouch sat a white egg.

Things seemed peaceful for a while, until a trainer ran into the pokemon center and nearly collapsed to his knees just inside the center. The trainer was carrying a white towel which seemed to be wrapped around a pokemon, though all that could be seen of the pokemon was a blue pointy ear. The trainer rushed over to the counter a,d placed the pokemon on the counter before dropping to his knees in exhaustion. Following close behind the trainer was a Growlithe.

"Nurse...Joy...this" Robert blurted out while gasping for air in between words, the bundled up Riolu resting on the table. The nurse unwrapped the white towel and was nearly horrified at what she saw. A young Riolu, covered with cuts, deep wounds and a chilling body temperature. This pokemon was literally on death's doorstep.

"Oh my! Chansey, prepare the emergency room at once! We have no time to lose!" Nurse Joy called out. Chansey hurried into the emergency room, pushing past the double doors. Nurse Joy picked up the suffering Riolu and dashed into the emergency room shortly after.

Once Robert was able to pull himself back together, he made his way over to the waiting area, watching the ER light anxiously. However, many things flooded his mind. Riolus were not native to Kanto and the busted up pokeball meant that if it was Riolu's pokeball, then its trainer purposely abandoned the poor thing and left it in a very dangerous and hostile area. That was the only explanation Robert could think of. Why else would there have been a broken pokeball laying on the ground with a heavily wounded Riolu laying around not far away from it, especially since it was not native to the region? The wait seemed like an eternity. Even with the medical attention he gave the Riolu, the poor dear was in horrid shape. Every ounce of him prayed that the little pokemon would pull through. Robert believed that a fate as cruel as the one that befell the young Riolu was something that no pokemon should ever go through. No trainer has the right to abandon their pokemon, especially in such a dangerous area.

However, another possibility entered his mind. What if that trainer was new and somehow ended up in over his head? What if the Riolu fought to save him while the kid, scared out of his mind, ran off and accidentally dropped the Riolu's pokeball which got crushed by a pursuing Beedrill or other pokemon? Perhaps in such a situation, the trainer would most certainly return out there looking for his Riolu. At the very least, that was what he hoped. However, regardless of the case, Robert's one hope was that the Riolu would make it through the night. All he could do was watch the light as the minutes slowly ticked by. Every second seemed like a day. Pacing back and forth, Robert tried to keep his mind occupied. Once Robert sat himself back down, his Growlithe would hop up upon his lap and snuggle close to try and help calm her master. Robert smiled softly to Flare and gently began stroking his fingers through her soft and warm fur.

“All of my worrying seems to be stressing you out. I'm sorry, Flare.” he spoke as he continued to pet his Growlithe with his right hand, his fingertips scritching the back of her short, rounded ear. The red light glared over the two while the hand of the clock was the only sound that Robert could hear, echoing through his mind.

After what seemed like an eternity, the red light over the emergency room faded. Nurse Joy came out of the ER and looked at Robert, her face stern yet slightly confused. It seemed she had something she wanted to clarify, but she was obviously miffed about the Riolu's condition. "I need to know the truth. Is that your Riolu?" she asked.

Robert shook his head. Although he would like to have captured it, such a thing didn't seem fair to the little Riolu. "No miss. I found it while I was traveling through the forest. Also, I came across this before Flare here found the Riolu." Robert replied as he took out the pieces of the broken pokeball from his backpack.

Nurse Joy blinked at Robert's response as she looked at the pieces of a broken pokeball. It seemed to her s though someone intentionally abandoned the pokemon. "I see. Well I am very glad that you went out of your way to save the girl. A few hours more, and that Riolu would have died of pneumonia, especially after losing so much blood. It's horrid to think that some trainer would abandon a pokemon like that, especially in those woods." Nurse joy spoke in a calm yet saddened tone of voice. Robert gave a nod of agreement. He was about to respond when his stomach growled loudly, causing the young boy to place both of his hands on his stomach.

Nurse Joy giggled lightly as she heard the demanding roar of Robert's stomach. "Sounds like you could use a meal and a lot of time to rest yourself. Go ahead to the cafeteria and get yourself and your pokemon some food." she spoke with a soft smile before gesturing to the hallway on the right side of the center. “Just take that hallway down to the rear of the building. The cafeteria in a buffet style layout.”

Robert chuckled lightly and smiled, though his face showed obvious embarrassment as he blushed. "Thanks, Nurse Joy, I will. Com'mon Flare!" Robert spoke as he motioned for his Growlithe to follow him with a motion of his hand. Robert walked down to the corridor on the right side of the pokemon center's main room and headed down the small, arched hallway.

Robert walked up to the cafeteria and walked through the buffet, picking through the items offered. Ahead of him was a taller gentleman with squinty eyes and a spiky brown haircut. He was wearing a brown and orange vest with a green short sleeved shirt. Khaki pants covered his legs and blue shoes dressed his feet. Robert noticed the Swampert beside the man. The Swampert's body was primarily blue including the two fins atop its head and the one large fin tail. It has orange oval scales on its arms and legs, along with orange oval and finned cheeks. That was as much as Robert could see as it had its back to him. The leathery skin was pristinely clean and sported a healthy sheen. The body looked strong and seemed to have excellent posture. As a boy who was raised by breeders, Robert could tell the pokemon was in prime condition. It was obviously raised by either a very skilled breeder, or someone who loves his pokemon like a breeder would.

Robert worked his way down the buffet counter. The hot foods and cold foods were kept separate, and at the end were different tubs of generic pokemon food. After filling up a plate with some spaghetti, tomato sauce and bread sticks, Robert once again looked to the man in front of him. "That's a really nice Swampert mister. It's obvious you take very good care of it. Are you a breeder by any chance?" Robert asked in a pleasant tone of voice.

Last edited by Mewcario; 07-04-2009 at 11:26 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 12:20 AM
Phantom Kat's Avatar
Phantom Kat Offline
ˇCon ganas!
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: In my strretchy pants
Posts: 5,018
Send a message via AIM to Phantom Kat Send a message via MSN to Phantom Kat
Default Re: New Beginnings (ready for grading)

Here's your grade. Sorry for the wait. :)

Plot: Though your story was well-written (as in, it flowed from scene to scene well and there weren’t unrealistic factors like plot holes), this was very, VERY similar to the Pokémon anime episode “Charmander the Stray Pokémon.” There was a cruel trainer that leaves his Pokémon because he think it’s weak. There’s the main character who finds that Pokémon, rushes it to the Pokémon Center, and later confronts the cruel trainer (even the confrontation and the way he overhead the trainer was almost exactly the same as in the anime.) There is nothing wrong with drawing inspiration from the anime, but basically copying the episode will give you zero originality points, even if you do add things like Brock conversing with Robert or Robert comforting Riolu. It might not have been such a big deal if this story was for a Ralts or an Elekid, but a Riolu requires an imaginative and original plot that is not the retelling of something you saw or read.

Introduction: I like the way you opened up the story. It seemed very ominous, what with the rain, the swarm of Beedrill, and the trainer’s worried declaration. However, that’s about all I got from the intro because I couldn’t see a thing. I don’t know how Viridian Forest, the trainer, the swarm of Beedrill, or Riolu looks like. While the introduction serves as an opening to the story and plot, it also serves in introducing the surroundings and the characters because if we don’t know what they look like, we can’t fully enjoy the story.

Grammar/Spelling: You did very well in this section, for the most part; there were only a handful of typos. Make sure you read over your story more carefully when you are proofreading. Other than that, I’ll just show you repetitive mistakes that you can easily fix:

"Well, I suppose this weak, pathetic excuse for a pokemon will at least serve one purpose." the figure said before taking out a pokeball and releasing a young Riolu from it.
The period should be a comma because what follows (“ the figure said….”) relates to the dialogue. Same thing goes when you write that “the character muttered/spoke/whispered/yelled/cried/bawled/declared/announced/growled, etc.”

“Alright, Flare, let's get going….”
You need to a put a comma before the name of a character (whether be it human or Pokémon) who is being addressed by someone else. Here, Robert is addressing Flare, so a comma is needed before “Flare.”

"Dammit. There's too many.."
An ellipsis is three dots (…), not two. When it’s at the end of a sentence, it’s four (….).

Length: Barely scrapped 30K I see. :p Just make sure to always aim at the middle because it will give graders (and you) one less thing to worry about.

Description/Detail: This and the plot was what really let you down. As I was reading, I had to constantly imagine what was happening because you neglected to describe practically everything. We can’t follow what the characters are doing if we can’t see them or their surroundings. Describe all your characters, which were: Robert, the abusive trainer, Nurse Joy, and Brock (you sort of described him). Tell us about their hair, eyes, the clothes they wore, and physical characteristics like height and weight. The surroundings are also vitally important. Tell us if it was dark or bright, cold or humid, if it was an open space or if it was littered with humongous trees if it’s outside. If it’s a house or building, tell us about the furniture, wallpaper, or what type of floor they have (linoleum, wooden, etc.)

(Same thing goes for Pokémon. Not all of us have all 493 of them branded into our minds, and it’s a hassle to google an image in the middle of reading a story.)

When you describe, use colors, shapes, your natural sense like touch and hearing. Don’t be afraid to describe everything and anything that you think should be seen in your story.

Battle: It seemed too short for me, but that was because you neglected to describe the attacks and how they reacted to them. Apply my advice from the last section whenever you write a battle. Make it as vivid as possible by describing how a Pokémon released their attack, how they reacted when they got hit or hurt, and how they dodged the attacks.

Also, try to avoid repeating attacks because it makes battles repetitive. Try to use as many different attacks as you can from moves Pokémon naturally learn to Breeding moves and Tms.

Outcome: Even though this is your first story, and it’s written well, I can’t disregard the fact that the plot and description were way under par for a Riolu. For now, Riolu not captured! If you want the pup, I need you to describe, as best as you can:

- all human characters
- all Pokémon (which also means Chansey and the swarm of Beedrill)
- the forest, the Pokémon center, and the place where the last battle took place

(Please bold what you added/changed; it makes it easier to re-grade. ^^)

I know you can do it! PM me whenever you’re ready for a re-grade. :3

- Kat

(Banner by the epic Neo Pikachu) TAC Challenge: I'm learning Finnish! ^-^

My Author Profile | URPG Stats | Kat x Bryce
Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2009, 03:47 PM
Master Zorua's Avatar
Master Zorua Offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Where you least expect me to be...
Posts: 2,612
Default Re: New Beginnings (reworking)

The young man turned his head to face Robert and gave the young boy a smile. He seemed to be in his late teen, early twenties and had very squinty black eyes. "Thank you for the compliment, and yes, I am a pokemon breeder. I've traveled around the world learning about pokemon and the best ways to raise them." the man replied before he looked over Robert's Growlithe. The man knelt down and began to look over the young trainer's Growlithe.

"I have to say, that Growlithe is in excellent condition as well. Its fur has a healthy sheen to it and it certainly has a strong physical appearance to it. You must take very good care of it." he commented as he stood up and began finishing up gathering his own meal.

"Thanks. My parents are both breeders, so I've learned how to take excellent care of my Flare. I originally came from Hoenn. My folks told me Kanto is the perfect place to start out as a trainer." Robert replied as he moved down the line with his food and began gathering up a bowl of tamato berry slices and basic poke`chow.

“Sure thing. I'm just starting out so I could use some pointers.” Robert replied with a smile. He followed the man to the table and sat himself on the side opposite of the man's backpack. Robert took off his own black backpack after placing his tray of food down on the table, his pop-up tent and sleeping bag rolled up neatly on the top of his backpack.

“Well it's good to see someone interested in gathering advice from others instead of rushing headstrong into new things without thinking.” the young man replied as he sat himself down. The man took out of his backpack a bowl and a tin cannister. Popping open the top of the cannister, the man filled up the disposable paper bowl with brown pellets the size of marshmallows before then setting the bowl before his Swampert. Robert watched as the Swampert went to town on the food the man had set before it. Robert set the bowl of berries and poke`chow down before Flare and watched his little Growlithe start feasting on the offered food.

“So have you decided what kind of path you're looking to carve for yourself yet? Trainer, Coordinator, or perhaps become a breeder like your parents?” the young man asked as he looked at Robert. Robert had just dug into his spaghetti when he then looked up to the man before him.

“Well, I figured I would work on becoming a trainer first so I can get the basics of battling down. Then perhaps as I go I might dabble a bit in coordinating and learn how to combine attacks. But regardless I'm definitely going to work on improving my skills as a breeder as far as nutritional care and overall pokemon care goes.” Robert responded as he then lifted the forkful of pasta and sauce and shoved the food into his mouth. Once he had chewed up the delicious food, Robert grabbed a glass of milk to wash it down.

"So I take it you plan on challenging the gym here?" the man asked. Robert gave a nod of his head in response. He was about to speak when he overheard a conversation about two tables away between three other trainers. One was a young boy dressed in a black leather jacket, black jean pants, a white tee-shirt and black sneakers ran and had long brown hair. The second young male was dressed in a black leather vest, white tee shirt, black leather pants and black leather boots, along with a blood red mohawk. The third young male was dressed in what looked like a white tux with a black tie and white button shirt beneath the jacket.

"Wow that's awesome that you caught a Beedrill!"
"Yup. The pick of the swarm, even if it did piss the others off that I caught it. With this pokemon I'll be sure to cream anyone."
"What about your Riolu? Has it gotten any stronger since you caught it in Sinnoh?"
"Oh that wimp? The Riolu's probably Beedrill food by now. But I'd say it was a good trade. One powerhouse Beedrill at the cost of one wimpy Riolu."

Robert's eyes went wide as he overheard it all. Anger was swelling in his head and his heart, and Flare could sense it. The young man noticed the look in Robert's eyes. “Is everything alright?” he asked.

Robert shook his head and stood straight up. “I'll be right back.” Robert spoke before he then marched himself over to the table. Grabbing the boy who was bragging about abandoning his Riolu by the shirt collar, Robert hoisted the boy up, his angered gaze locking into the boy's own eyes.

“Your Riolu is in the emergency room and she's barely hanging onto life, all because you abandoned her you sick, sadistic bastard! Give me one good reason not to put you in the same state right now!” Robert yelled at the kid, his anger now very apparent. Everyone in the cafeteria virtually stopped talking and turned their attention to the potential brawl about to break out.

"Like I care. Now get your hands off of me before I get Officer Jenny to throw you in the slammer. Not that a pathetic wimp like you could ever hurt me anyways." The punk retorted before then spitting in Robert's face. Just as Robert rolled back his right arm and curled his hand into a fist, he felt a hand firmly grasp his wrist. Looking back, he saw the man he was talking to before.

“You need to calm down.” the man spoke before then looking to the boy that Robert was gripping with the other hand, the man's squinty eyes also showing an intense amount of anger. However even with all of his building anger, the man maintained a calm and collective composure. “And as for you, you deliberately left your pokemon in a hostile environment, abandoned it, and now it's in the ER room in critical condition? All because you think the pokemon is weak?" the man asked. The other two friends of the offender stood and took out a pokeball each as if they were gearing up for a pokemon battle.

Robert released the thug's collar. The man was right, he needed to cool down. The last thing he needed was to sink down to the punk kid's level, not to mention a night in a prison cell was not his idea of a good time. A few seconds later, Nurse Joy came into the cafeteria after one of the patrons left to tell her about the disturbance.

“What in the world is going on here?” she called out to the group. Robert turned to look at a rather angry Nurse Joy and pointed his thumb at the Riolu's former trainer. Robert looked over to see the man next to him start to fawn over the nurse for a few moments before then shaking his head and snapping himself back into reality.

“What happened was I found that Riolu's trainer, the one who abandoned her and left her to die in the woods.” Robert replied as he stepped away. The young man also stepped back, though it seemed like the man knew Nurse Joy, given his previous reaction to her appearance.

The nurse marched over to the trainer Robert had pointed out and stared him in the eyes. “What kind of horrible trainer are you? Why did you even bother taking the Riolu into your team if you weren't going to take care of her?” the nurse yelled at the boy. Even the young man seemed a bit shocked. Evidently an angry Nurse Joy was both a rare anf frieghtening sight to behold.

The punk snorted and shot an evil glare at the man, at Robert, and then at Joy.
"I caught that Riolu thinking it was going to be strong, and the stupid thing lost against a fricken Pidgey. Besides, my new Beedrill is strong enough to crush the Pewter gym leader's pokemon. That badge is as good as mine. Pokemon are only good for fighting, and if they can't do that much, then I don't want them." the punk replied with a laugh before walking over to grab his drink from the table.

The gentleman shot a stern glare to the thug kid and crossed his arms over his chest. "And what makes you think I'd accept your challenge after hearing all of this? Even if you could beat me, you're nowhere close to being worthy of the boulder badge if that's how you treat your pokemon." the man replied as the trainer was taking a sip of his soda. Upon hearing those words, the trainer spat out his soda in surprise before then looking over at the young man.

"That's right. My name is Brock. I'm one of the world's top breeders and the current Pewter City gym leader. There is no way I would ever accept a challenge from someone as cold-hearted as you. In my eyes, you have no right to even consider yourself a trainer." Brock spoke as he glared at the trainer. Robert couldn't believe what he was hearing. All of this time he never expected that he was actually sitting with and talking to a gym leader. And if that Swampert was going to be his opponent in the gym battle, Robert knew he was going to be in over his head.

The young boy spat off to the side and at Robert's Growlithe. However, Brock's Swampert reached his fin-arm out to intercept the loogie. A lot of the patrons began standing up and glaring at the rash young trainer. The boy wasn't winning any popularity contests.

The rich looking boy turned to his two companions. “Sorry but you're on your own. I have no desire to be on the receiving end of everyone in the center.” he spoke with a calm and arrogant tone of voice before then walking off. The biker-dressed trainer followed closely behind, leaving the trainer that had abandoned the Riolu alone in a room filled with an angry Nurse Joy, a furious gym leader Brock, and a bunch of patron trainers and coordinators who were none-to-thrilled with the young boy.

“Tch... fine, I'm out of here losers.” the boy spoke before walking out of the cafeteria and out of the pokemon center. Robert breathed a sigh of relief as the patrons began slowly settling back into their seats. Taking a napkin from the nearby table, Robert knelt down and wiped off the spit that had hit Swampert's arm.

Both Robert and Brock sat down at the table they were at before. By now, Robert's food had grown cold. Robert gave a sigh as he leaned back against the padded bench, his left arm resting atop of it.
"I'm sorry I got so worked up." Robert spoke before shaking his head a bit. “By the way I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Robert.” he spoke before holding out his hand to Brock.

Brock smiled and took Robert's hand, shaking it firmly. "It's completely understandable. You've got a very good heart to go out of your way for a pokemon like that. If anything, you've certainly proven yourself as a strong and caring trainer." Brock replied before he turned his head and looked over to Robert's Growlithe, who seemed to be having a friendly poke'conversation with Swampert.

"Anyways, getting back to our previous conversation.” Brock spoke as he released Robert's hand and picked up a rice ball in his hand. “I take it you'll be challenging my gym while you're here?" Brock asked, repeating his last question. Brock seemed a bit more relaxed now that the whole mess was over.

Robert gave a bit of a sigh. "I will but I can't, not yet. Flare is my only pokemon so far, and being a fire type, she'd be at a large disadvantage in your gym, especially against your Swampert if I end up fighting it in the gym battle. I was hoping to meet a grass type in the forest, but I'll just have to wait a bit longer. Besides, I'm still worried about that Riolu." Robert replied before taking up his glass of milk and sipping the fluid from it.

Brock gave a bit of a smile after he finished up his meal. "True, but a fighting type would have as much of an advantage as a grass type would. The way I see it, right now that Riolu doesn't have anyone anymore. Its probably feeling betrayed and quite lonely. Honestly, I'd think you'd be a better trainer for that pokemon that its original trainer. Given the fact you saved its life, you've already proven that much. On top of that, given the excellent condition you've kept your Growlithe in, you're certainly more capable of keeping the Riolu healthy and happy."

Robert smiled and gave a nod to Brock's reply. Robert really had not given thought to that possibility until now. "Yeah, I suppose so. I certainly would love to have her on my team if she wanted to join me." he responded. After finishing his cold meal and washing it down with the rest of his milk, Robert stood up with his tray. “I'm going to go check on Riolu, see how she's doing.” Robert spoke before heading over to the tray return window.

Brock gave a nod to the boy. “Sounds good. I need to get back to the gym now that my pokemon are healed up. I still have a few challengers waiting for me. I'll come back tomorrow and check up on Riolu myself.” Brock said as he started to clear off the table.

Robert made his way back to the front desk. There were fewer people in the waiting room now as the lunch hour crowds had left. Nurse joy smiled to the young trainer. “Riolu might have to stay here for a couple nights. It's going to be a long road to recovery over the next few days. There are rooms here at the pokemon center if you'd like to stay the night.” Nurse Joy spoke with a pleasant tone of voice.

Robert gave a nod to her response. “Thank you. I'll stay here as long as it takes. Right now, I can't even imagine what that poor Riolu's going through mentally right now.” Robert said with a worried tone of voice, his face turned downwards and away from Joy. Nurse Joy placed her petite hand upon his right shoulder and rubbed it gently.

"I've explained everything to Riolu. I know she must be suffering emotionally on the inside, but at the same time it seems like she understands. I'd almost dare to say she had expected it from the way she responded to the news." Nurse Joy said in a sympathetic voice. She turned her head to look at the emergency room window where Riolu was laid out on a stretcher and hooked up to various medical machines. She had a sad look in her eyes as her mind pondered the Riolu's fate. "Either way though it's going to be touch and go. Aside from just losing quite a bit of blood, she's also come down with pneumonia. All we can do is keep her stablized and warm."

Robert thought for a bit before he then looked up to Nurse Joy. “Is it alright for me to go inside and take a look at Riolu?” Robert asked. He wanted to see personally how bad things were. That and he wanted to help in whatever way he could to help save the little Riolu.

Nurse Joy gave a nod to Robert's question. Walking behind the desk, she placed her hand upon the handle and opened the door for the young trainer. “By all means. If anything else, the thing Riolu needs more than anything right now is a friend. Given everything that you've done for her up until now, you'd probably be the only person she would be able to trust.”

Robert walked inside of the ER. The lighting was fairly decent in the room. There were multiple stretchers as well as an operating table, which was sectioned off by a black pullable curtain. The Riolu was laying on a stretcher bed with an intravenous hooked up to her left arm in order to keep the little Riolu hydrated, and several other wired patches attached to her other arm, keeping note of her pulse and blood pressure. She looked in better condition than he had found her in now that her wounds taken care of, but she was still in bad shape with the pneumonia sapping her strength. It would take some time for the antibiotics to kill off the disease that plagued her. It didn't seem right. All of this just because the Riolu lost a fight with a Pidgey? Pulling up a chair, Robert sat down and placed his hands upon the Riolu's little paws.

“Hey, how are you feeling little girl?” Robert asked the little Riolu, offering the pokemon a friendly smile, his voice offering pleasant and gentle sounds to the pokemon's ears.

The Riolu opened her eyes and looked up at the stranger that had saved her life. She could feel something in Robert's voice that seemed to comfort her. She could tell right away he was different from her former trainer. This was actually someone who cared. But to what degree, that much she didn't know. She offered Robert a little smile in response to his question, but then immediately began coughing.

“Take it easy girl. You're going to need to relax and let this sickness run its course. You're strong, no matter what anyone else says. You'll pull through, you have my word.” he spoke before leaning over and placing a kiss upon the Riolu's forehead. The Riolu blinked a bit, confused as to what just happened, yet at the same time the Riolu felt her cheeks warm up, reddening on the outside. No one had ever treated her like this before. All she had ever endured was harsh training, scoldings and beatings. Her former owner showed her no sort of compassion, but she was bound by the pokeball until recently and couldn't leave. It was a complete shock, and yet she seemed to find it welcoming and comforting.

As the hours passed, Robert remained in the ER room sitting beside Riolu. His Growlithe Flare sat down before Robert's feet while Robert told Riolu stories about the pokemon he and his parents took care of back at the Hoenn pokemon ranch. He spoke of the eggs that hatched, the adventures he had babysitting some of the wild and crazy pokemon trio and many, many other tales. Most of his stories were humorous. Some of them were slightly embarrassing and others just sounded fun-filled and heartwarming. When Nurse Joy came in with some hot soup for Riolu, Robert was the one who took the bowl and spoon-fed Riolu. The more time Robert spent with Riolu, the brighter Riolu's disposition became. She seemed to feel grateful towards the human that saved her life. She felt truly happy in what seemed like forever. When night time came, Robert was escorted out of the room and led up to his bedroom. Riolu felt a little sad that Robert had to leave the room, but she felt confident that she would see him again. Somehow she knew he was not going to just up and leave her there like her trainer did out in the woods. If anything, the memories of her horrible trainer and the nightmarish life he had put her through over the past year seemed to fade away with the new feelings of joy.

Last edited by Mewcario; 06-18-2009 at 10:00 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 06-18-2009, 10:00 PM
Master Zorua's Avatar
Master Zorua Offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Where you least expect me to be...
Posts: 2,612
Default Re: New Beginnings (reworking)

Opening the door to his room, Robert walked inside with Flare trotting up beside him. The room was rather simple. There were two sets of twin sized beds, a small table, four chairs and a door leading to the bathroom. Robert gave a sigh as he walked over to the one of the beds and fell backwards onto it, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. “You know Flare, some people just should never become pokemon trainers. Pokemon aren't tools to be used and then thrown away. They're partners, friends. For any trainer to go out and do that to their own pokemon....” Robert shook his head and sighed.

“Never mind. If I just let this get to me, it'll stress me out to no end, and I know you don't want me like that, right Flare?” he asked with a half-smile. Flare barked and hopped up onto the bed, curling up beside Robert. Robert chuckled lightly to himself and wrapped an arm around his Growlithe, snuggling the warm, furry powderpuff.

“I just hope that little Riolu makes it through the next few nights.” Robert spoke quietly before turning out the lights and letting himself drift to sleep. Or at least, he would attempt to sleep through the night. With worries plaguing his mind over the little Riolu's health and the horrible way the original trainer talked about the Riolu and how he literally left the little girl in the Viridian Forest to die, Robert was going to find sleep hard to come by.

The night was long and filled with worry. Robert could hardly keep himself asleep. Would the Riolu be alright? Even with all of the care, would she make it through the night? Even Growlithe could sense Robert's building worries. Since Robert was living on the ranch, he loved each and every pokemon that came to the ranch. He took care of the eggs that were left in the care of the ranch by other trainers. He helped care for the sick and injured at the ranch. Everything he did, he did to help pokemon. He loved being around them and hated seeing them suffer. But even with everything he had went through growing up, he felt helpless for the first time in his life. This was his first encounter with a truly abandoned pokemon. He had encountered pokemon that felt like they were being abandoned by their trainers when they were left for a short while at the ranch, but this Riolu was not only abandoned, but the trainer left it for dead intentionally. It shocked him to know there were trainers that were truly that cruel, that evil, that utterly heartless. Just the thoughts of how Riolu must feel after learning about all of what happened boggled Robert's mind. However, Robert was soon about to have something else strike his mind and hard: Flare's Take Down attack to be precise. The Growlithe struck Robert hard upside the back of his head, knocking him back down onto the bed and curling up on his back. Robert slipped into unconsciousness and began to rest soundly from that point onward. Evidently, Flare was getting stressed out over Robert getting stressed out. Happy that her master was now asleep, the little Growlithe curled up on top of her unconcious master and fell back to sleep.

Waking up the next morning, Robert got himself into the bathroom to get himself groomed and ready for the day. A nice hot shower was enough to relieve some of the stress his worrying had caused him throughout the night. After getting dressed and finishing up his personal hygiene, Robert walked downstairs and over to the front desk.

Nurse Joy gave a smile to Robert. “Good morning. I'm happy to say that Riolu seems to be making a speedy recovery. It will still take a few days to recover from the pneumonia, but she seems much happier and has already tried to leave her bed a few times. When you first brought her in, she was in a seriously bad condition. But I think your visit with her yesterday was just what she needed to revive her fighting spirit. Not only that, Brock came in and helped out this morning by feeding her some specially-made pokemon food. Oddly enough though, I ended up having to take care of him after his Croagunk hit him with a poison jab.” Joy explained. Robert smiled at the news and chuckled a bit at the incident she mentioned.

“That's great to hear Nurse Joy. But, why would his own pokemon attack him? I mean he seems like he takes excellent care of his pokemon and all.” Robert asked. That was something that threw him for a loop as it was the first time he had ever heard of a pokemon attacking its own trainer outside of resulting from a confusion attack.

Nurse Joy shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, eyes closing for a brief moment. “I don't know. He was saying such sweet things to me, and then the next thing I see is the Croagunk just popping out of its pokeball, hitting him in the side with a poison jab and then just dragged him away by the foot.”

Robert blinked a bit at Nurse Joy's explination, corney as it sounded. It was certainly the strangest thing he had ever heard a pokemon doing to their trainer. “I guess the Croagunk sees itself as his chaperon.” Robert replied with a light chuckle. Of course the thought that Brock's Croagunk was a jealous female also crossed Robert's mind, but he decided not to voice that thought.

“Well I think it's time for some breakfast. I'll come back later to help out with Riolu.” Robert spoke as he walked away from Nurse Joy and the front desk, heading towards the side hallway towards the cafeteria.

Robert headed to the buffet line, picking through the items on display. He didn't bother picking out any pokemon food for Flare. He had his own canister of pokemon food specially made for her. As far as Flare was concerned, anything else would be uncivilized. For himself, he got a few pancakes, a sausage patty and some hash browns, with a cup of milk and a cup of coffee to drink. After gathering a nice, hearty meal at the cafeteria, Robert walked over to find himself a seat. As he looked around, he saw Brock once again sitting at the same table they had sat at the night before. Robert walked over with his tray of food. Offering a smile, the young trainer took a seat across from the friendly gym leader.

“Good morning Brock. I heard you came around to help out Riolu earlier this morning.” Robert spoke with a pleasant tone of voice as he took the small glass syrup jar and poured some maple syrup over his pancakes. Although he wanted to ask about the Croagunk incident, he felt it was best he didn't. Such a thing would embarrass the poor guy.

Brock smiled to Robert as the boy sat down and took out a canister of his personally made pokemon food and a bowl. Pouring the food into the bowl, Robert set the bowl down in front of Flare. “Good morning to you as well. Riolu seems to be doing much better than yesterday. I heard from Nurse Joy that you spent quite a lot of time with that Riolu. Even with everything I cooked up to help speed the Riolu's recovery up, I think it was your actions yesterday that helped her the most. Treating the body of a pokemon is one thing. But if a pokemon doesn't seem to have the will to live, a reason to live, all of the medical treatment and good nutrition in the world isn't going to make a lick of difference.” Brock spoke to Robert as the young trainer was eating the pancakes from his plate.

Robert washed down the food with a swig of milk from his glass before responding. “I could hardly get any sleep. I'm just glad the worst is over. But do you really think she will want me as her trainer?” Robert asked.

Brock gave a solid nod. “I'd be surprised if she didn't. You've earned her trust as far as I can tell. Not to mention you were the one who saved her life and you spent all of that time nursing her and comforting her. With how fast she's been recovering and from pneumonia no less, I'd say you've re-sparked her faith in people and given her a reason to keep living.” Brock replied before he himself took to eating his bowl of oatmeal.

After a quick breakfast, Robert and Brock walked down the hallway and to the front desk. Nurse Joy stood behind the desk holding a tray in her hands. Set in the spherical indentations of the tray were six pokeballs. Nurse Joy looked at Brock as she held the tray out to him. "Here are your pokemon. Try not to overwork them with your gym battles." Joy spoke. Brock gave a solid nod of his head before taking each one of the pokeballs, shrinking them by pressing the front button of the red and white pokeballs, and then affixing each one to his belt.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot." Robert said as the gym leader had turned and was about to make his way out of the Pokemon Center. "Brock, what are the rules for your gym?" the young trainer asked. Brock turned around and looked over at Robert, a light smile crossing his face.

"No harm in telling you that much. I battle three on three and only the challenger can substitute. And that means that before you can face me, you need to get at least two more pokemon. I look forward to seeing what you're like as a trainer when that day comes." Brock replied. Waving a hand to Robert, the gym leader turned back towards the glass doors of the Pokemon Center and headed out, back towards Pewter Gym.

"So, will you be helping out with Riolu agian?" Nurse Joy asked as Robert turned to look at Joy and Chancey. Robert gave a nod of his head and smiled.

"Sure. I'll stay as long as it takes until the little girl is all better." Robert replied with a pleasant tone of voice. He couldn't wait to see how much better Riolu had gotten.

The nurse turned to the double doors of the emergency room while her pokemon Chancey, held the left-most door open for her. Robert walked behind the counter and followed Joy into the emergency room. Once both humans were inside, Chancey entered the room and let the swinging door close behind her.

Both Nurse Joy and Robert were surprised when they saw the little Riolu was down on the floor doing push-ups. She seemed to be in much better condition than she was in the day prior. However, the drip IV was still attached to her arm. Robert knelt down a bit to better take a look at Riolu's face. She didn't seem to notice him. Either that or she was too focused on working out. Robert could see a fierce determination in her eyes, as though she was trying to prove something to herself, or to someone.

"Riolu, you need to rest for a bit. Here, I need to take your temperature and give you some breakfast." Nurse Joy spoke as she bent down to pick the Riolu up. The Riolu turned as soon as she was picked up and pushed the nurse away from her. However, this sharp movement coupled with her landing caused the Riolu pain as the needle that connected the IV feed to the vien in her arm ripped out.

Robert placed his hands upon Riolu's shoulders and rubbed them a bit. "It's ok girl. We're just trying to make you healthy agian. You can't get stronger if you're still sick." Robert spoke. Reaching into his pocket, Robert took out a small spray can of potion. Squeezing the trigger on the spray can and aiming it at the wound, Robert applied the potion. It stung a little, causing the Riolu to wince a bit in pain, but soon the wound was starting to heal over.

As Nurse Joy got back to her feet, Robert picked the little Rilou up in his arms, carrying her as one would carry an infant in thier arms. "Are you ok Nurse Joy?" Robert asked.

The nurse breathed a slight sigh of relief and smiled to the young trainer. "Yes. Thank you for calming Riolu down. If you could place her back on the stretcher, I'll take her vital signs and see if there's anymore build-up in her lungs." Joy replied as she turned to the metal tray table next to the stretcher and picked up a thermometer.

Once Robert had sat Riolu down on the stretcher, Joy would place the digital thermometer into the Riolu's mouth and under her tongue. As she left it in the pokemon's mouth, Joy placed the ear pieces of the stethoscope into her ears. Once the thermometer readings were finished, she took the thermometer out of the little blue and black furred girl's mouth and set it to the side. With the circular metal and plastic-rimmed diaphragm in one hand, Joy places it upon Riolu's chest as her other hand moves around to support the Riolu's back.

Once Nurse Joy was satisfied, she removed the diaphragm from the Riolu's chest and took the ear pieces out of her ears. "Well this is certainly a good sign. While there is still a little congestion in her lungs, it seems like this little girl is making a quick recovery. She should be able to leave here by around lunch time." However, she then remembered something and turned her head. "Well, at least she could if she still had a trainer. She can't be released into the wild without being fully recovered, and since she isn't native to Kanto, I'm not sure how well she'd survive out in the wild." Nurse joy said.

Robert thought back a bit on what Brock had said. Without a trainer, the Riolu would be all alone, and her trust in humans would fade away to nothing. Robert gave a light nod, mostly to reassure himself that he would be the right one to take care of Riolu and reached down to his belt, taking from it a small pokeball. Pressing the center button, Robert expanded it to normal size and held it out to the Riolu.

"I know it must be hard. But not all people are like him. In fact, there's a lot more people who would treat their pokemon as friends than there are jerks like your former trainer." he spoke to the Riolu, his voice holding a calm and kind tone as his blue eyes gazed gently upon the Riolu's dark orange eyes. "I promise that if you come with me, I will never abandon you. You and I will become best friends and we'll stay together, always."

Robert looked at the Riolu as his Growlithe burst out from her pokeball and barked at the Riolu happily, as if conveying the kind of person Robert was in poke'speak. All there was left to do was to see if Riolu would accept his offer and join his team, or decline out of mistrust or fear.

The Riolu looked at Robert, her eyes gazing into his own. She could feel that he was sincere in his words, but she felt doubt set into her mind. Was he just being nice only to catch her, only to abandon her when she was no longer needed? Was she even strong enough to be of any use to him? She did not desire to be a burden. No, she knew she wasn't going to be a burden. A new fire burned inside of her. She was going to prove she was strong. She wanted to prove to Robert that she was worthy of becoming his pokemon partner, just as Growlithe was.

Instead of accepting, Riolu hopped down to the floor and then ran out of the pokemon center. Robert followed close behind, yet kept his distance. He wanted to see where the Riolu was going. Was she going to try to find her old trainer? Was she going to head back to the forest and try to live in the wild once more? However, when she stopped, looked at him and ran off again, Robert felt like the little Riolu was intent on leading him somewhere.

No matter how far behind Robert kept the distance, the Riolu seemed to stop and wait for him whenever it got too far ahead. It was as if she was looking for something or someplace as she led him through the streets and alleyways of the small city. Yet Robert knew it couldn't be her old trainer she was looking for. Every place she was stopping was a sort of large open space, yet there was always something there that might interfere such as buildings and other people. It seemed like she was trying to find a place where she and Robert would have plenty of room. She didn't want someone else to try and catch her either.

Finally, after running around and through most of Pewter City, the Riolu stopped in a large, open park. The park area was rather open with short-cut grass, a small fountain in the shape of a miniature Onix, and only three weeping willow trees on the open acre of land. Turning around, the little Riolu faced Robert, its gaze piercing into Robert's eyes once the trainer had stepped onto what was about to become a battleground. She made a motion with her paw and got into a fighting pose. Now it was clear: the Riolu wanted to prove to Robert that she was not weak. In his eyes, he also felt that the little pokemon wanted to see just how good Robert was as a trainer. This was truly going to be Robert's first battle against a wild pokemon. Robert looked down at Growlithe.

"Flare, are you ready?" Robert asked. Flare barked once and hunkered down, tail wagging excitedly behind her. It all led to this. This time the Riolu wasn't battling for her life. No, this time she was battling to prove herself worthy to the one who saved her. To the one who wanted to become her friend and her trainer.

Robert took in a deep breath. Although he was skilled at raising pokemon at his parent's ranch, he had never participated in a battle before. "Alright Flare, let's start things off with Flamethrower!" Robert called out. The Growlithe's eyes glowed with a bright yellow glow before letting out a blast of searing hot fire shoot out of her mouth and at the Riolu. However, the Riolu managed to avoid the attack by charging at the incoming pillar of fire and dodging to the right of it, using the speed from her Quick Attack move the follow the fire to the source, slamming her small body into Flare's small body, causing the Growlithe to roll backwards a bit.

Last edited by Mewcario; 07-08-2009 at 06:14 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2009, 10:46 PM
Master Zorua's Avatar
Master Zorua Offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Where you least expect me to be...
Posts: 2,612
Default Re: New Beginnings (reworking)

The Riolu jumped off to the right, leaving about six feet of distance between herself and the Growlithe. The Riolu then charged again at Flare with her Quick Attack. "Alright, two can play that game. Agility!" Robert called out. Within seconds before the Riolu could land her hit, Flare moved with a speed beyond what Riolu was reaching, leaving the little black and blue furred pokemon nothing but thin air to strike at.

Unfazed, the Riolu turned around and charged a third time at Flare. This time, Flare jumped over Riolu and turned her body in mid air so that she was facing Riolu's back. This was the most opportune time to strike and Robert knew it.

"Flame Wheel now!" Robert called out to Flare. As soon as Flare's paws touched the ground, she began to breath fire out of her mouth and spin her body at the Riolu. Riolu had just enough time to turn her head before she was nailed in the back with the attack. The fire ripped through her back fur as well as scorched the grass below the Growlithe. Riolu was knocked forward and rolled along the grass. She winced as she got up from the burns over her back.

"Let's follow up with Take-Down!" Robert called out. Flare rushed forward at top speed towards Riolu. However, Riolu was far from finished. She still had alot of fight in her, and it would take more than just a single Flame Wheel to take her down. Once Growlithe was just a foot away from the Riolu, the blue and black furred bipedal pup hopped out of the way and to the immediate left, while at the same time surrounding her right paw with glowing, flame-like wisps of aura energy. With a clear shot to Flare's side and mid-section, Riolu slammed Flare in the side with a powerful Force Palm attack.

The attack caused Flare to go flying a good four feet. The Riolu launched a follow-up Quick Attack, ramming her body into Flare as the fire pup bounced off of the ground from the initial attack. Things were starting to look bad for Flare. Riolu charged at Flare again, this time forming a bone-shaped bo staff in her paws. Robert recognized it as Bone Rush, a ground-typed attack. If that connected, it would be over for Flare.

"Heat Wave now!" Robert commanded as he took a step towards the battle, his face filled with a mix of desperation and excitement. Robert watched as Flare's body lit up with an intense reddish glow and flames bursting outwards from Flare, striking Riolu head-on. Riolu tried to push through the intense heat and energy, but it was too strong for the little fighting type. Riolu was sent airborne a good three feet.

It was time to put an end to the fight. Although Flare was getting weary from Riolu's previous attacks, Robert knew she could handle the next move and still stand strong. "Let's wrap things up! Flare Blitz!" Robert called out as he took an empty pokeball off of his belt. Pressing the white center button on the small red and white ball, Robert caused the pokeball to expand.

Just before Riolu could touch the ground, Flare rushed forward, covering herself with an intense ball of living flame. Flare slammed so hard into Riolu that the impact caused Flare to flinch in pain while the Riolu was sent flying into the base of a weeping willow tree.

Robert reared his right arm back and then tossed the pokeball at the Riolu. The ball hit the Riolu in the shoulder and opened up. A red light shot out from the red and white pokeball, swallowing the Riolu up into it. The ball closed and hit the grass below. Robert watched anxiously as the pokeball rocked back and forth, waiting and hoping for Riolu to become part of his team.

Story Complete
Challenge: Complex
Minimum Chatacer Count: 30K
Actual Character Count: 57289
Target Pokemon: Riolu

Last edited by Mewcario; 07-12-2009 at 09:52 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 07-13-2009, 04:50 AM
Phantom Kat's Avatar
Phantom Kat Offline
ˇCon ganas!
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: In my strretchy pants
Posts: 5,018
Send a message via AIM to Phantom Kat Send a message via MSN to Phantom Kat
Default Re: New Beginnings (Ready for regrading)

First of, thanks for boding all your edits. It made it a lot easier to know what you added and what was already there, especially since I graded your story a while back.

I have to say, you're one of the few people that when I say "fix this and that", you do a fantastic job and do everything I said you should, not just added a detail here and there and hope I didn't notice. You get points just for being an author that cares about their story. ;3 The actual edits were very good. You really did describe everything you needed to: Swampert, Brock, the forest, the Pokemon Center, and so on. Though the plot was still the same, the details made your story ten times better. So you deserve me saying, Riolu captured! Fantastic job, and here are some last pearls of wisdom to keep in mind for next time:

1) When you describe a person and/or Pokemon, try not to just list the information such as "Johnny had brown eyes and messy black hair. His long-sleeved short was black....". If you do that, there's a good chance nobody will remember the information simply because it was stated in a boring manner. When a character does something, like nod or stretch, there's a good chance to add in some description. An example would be, "Johnny sat on the couch with a sigh and ran a hand through his messy, black hair. Brown eyes stared dully at the TV set before him."

2) Your dialogue needs a bit of work. Check back on my grade on the first thing I pointed out. That is your most glaring grammar mistake you had in the entire story. Nothing big, but if you fix those mistakes in your stories, you grammar will be that much closer to perfect.

3) And again, like I said in my grade, make sure a hard Pokemon deserves a complex plot. Watching some sci-fi or reading some adventure books can get those juices flowing.

That's it, really. Enjoy your Riolu! :)

- Kat

(Banner by the epic Neo Pikachu) TAC Challenge: I'm learning Finnish! ^-^

My Author Profile | URPG Stats | Kat x Bryce
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 05:08 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: