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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 06-11-2009, 11:28 PM
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Default A diamond in the...Trash?

Here's my first story.

A Diamond in the...Trash?

Pokemon Journal Day 1

Wow today has been such a rush! First I went to go see Professor Rowan to get my first pokemon. Today was the day where all new trainers can come and get they’re pokemon. I was pretty early to get there but he told me that this year he decided he wanted to only pick 10 youngsters to receive their first pokemon. He only had 3 pokemon left, a Turtwig, a Chimchar, and a Piplup. I took the obvious choice of a Chimchar and I love him! He looks like a orange and yellow baby monkey. Oh and Chimchar also has a flaming tail, It’s so cool! The professor then told me that I should keep a journal of my adventure every day so I’m writing now, at twelve o’ clock.

When I came home and showed my mom she was so happy for me! Even though I’m a kid I already feel more important to the world. I called my dad and he was ecstatic, especially because he was a trainer when he was my age. Although it was pretty early, I was really tired and my Chimchar looked tired too so I was about to drift off to sleep when my mom came up to my room and rustled me awake.

“Ben! You forgot to take out the trash!” she said to me.

“Ugh,” I thought to myself “I cant believe I forgot that!”

So I started down the steps to do the boring and disgusting chore that I am forced without allowance to do every week. Little did I know that this chore wouldn’t be so boring as usual.

When I went to grab the can a Burmy jumped out at me! I was so scared at first but then I remembered what the professor told me,

“Ben, when you see an unfamiliar pokemon pull out your pokedex, it will give you information about the pokemon.”

So that’s exactly what I did, It said to me,

“Burmy, the bagworm pokemon, If it’s cloak is broken in battle, it quickly remakes the cloak with materials nearby”

It was pink because it must’ve been in trash form, since it was in my trash. It looked like an almost oval shaped puffball with little black arms and legs, a black face, and a black spiral shaped horn looking thing on it’s head.

Luckily I had brought Chimchar along with me. Now was the time I had to use all the knowledge I’d gained from PokeSchool.

“Go Chimchar,” I yelled, “Use scratch!”

Burmy then quickly created a greenish-blue sphere around his whole body. When Chimchar dug his claws into that thing, it just did not work. Burmy must’ve used protect. Then as it disappeared, Burmy concentrated an there was a faint glow of something, but then it was gone.

“Chimchar now’s your chance, scratch!” I commanded.

This time he really got that Burmy good. There was a small wince from Burmy but he was still standing. He must’ve tried to use protect again but I guess that’s what happens when you try and use it too much. Next Burmy charged straight towards Chimchar when I yelled,

“Chimchar, counter with flame wheel!”

Chimchar started on fire and ran right into Burmy. He looked so charred. I was really angry with myself at first because I thought he had fainted, but then I looked and his eyes were moving!

“Yes! Okay now Chimchar we’ve only got one shot at this”

You see, my family is a lower class family ever since my mom and dad got a divorce so I could only afford one pokeball right now. I was so excited that I could possibly be getting a pokemon that changes forms. Oh and it is so spectacular when it changes forms because the battle had ended up in the grass and after Chimchar’s second scratch, it’s cloak fell off and he quickly gathered leaves and twigs to make himself a new cloak.

Anyway, I got out my one and only pokeball and yelled, “Pokeball, Go!” and the Burmy was then engulfed in a white light as it was sucked into the ball. It closed and fell to the ground and…

Last edited by Y2kPikachu12; 08-18-2009 at 02:55 AM. Reason: Changed title
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  #2  
Old 06-11-2009, 11:32 PM
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Default Re: A diamond in the...Trash?

Target:Burmy
Characters (No spaces):2,964
Characters (With Spaces):3,665
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  #3  
Old 06-25-2009, 09:54 PM
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Default Re: A diamond in the...Trash? [READY to be GRADED]

Story: this story was nothing new under the sun. It's so old it's not even funny trying to mock someone for using this plot. It'll work for a Simple Pokemon at most, but you'll need more elaborate plots for better Pokemon.

Grumpy mood aside, I must say that the way you told the story, which really gave me the feel that you were really the guy of the story, excited about telling me your first day, and the trash thing was a tip of originality that saved an otherwise perfectly carbon-copy basic trainer story. Keep this up, and you'll do good.

Grammar: minor mispellings and typos, nothing too problematic. First, you capitalized a word after a comma. Second, you have to type numbers, uness they're big ones- and even then, it's just easier to type out the words. 3 should be three and so on.

It was very neat, unexpected for a first story.

Description: this however wasn't surprising. You didn't describe anything but Chimchar and Burmy, which is something rare. But good. Remember to describe your character as well, which in first-person stories might be hard. Other than that, descriptions should include background details, terrain characteristic, and adding personal details to your Pokemon wouldn't be half bad.

length: -.- nothing to say here.

Battle: well, it wasn't half bad honestly. You actually did a realistic battle, and even cared about not fainting your opponent.

Outcome: i'm sorry for the lame grade but it's you who complained about your story needing a grade. Personally, I've had my share of basic stories. Anyway, Burmy Caught. Have fun and don't bother people too much.
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  #4  
Old 06-25-2009, 11:11 PM
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Default Re: A diamond in the...Trash? [READY to be GRADED]

Okay. Well thank you for grading it.
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