It was a bit better than the last one. This time you were in Eterna Forest, but you ended up getting lost. We still don't know much about you though. Usually an introduction is used to, well, introduce us to the character/story.
While travelling through Eterna Forest, you got lost and encountered a strange new bush. You thought it was an extra terrestrial, so you attacked it to make sure. The rest of the story is battling the bush.
Like I said before, you neglected describing any of the characters, attacks, or the setting. You mentioned that the bush was spooky, but how so? What do Charmander and Taillow look like? What does an Ember attack look like? Little details like this take a good story and make it a great story.
A few errors. For one thing, you are supposed to capitalize the word "Pokemon". You used "to" instead of "too".
Originally Posted by to
I went to the park.
[quote=too]There are too
"To" has to deal with places and time. "Too" is used in comparison, like "Me too!" You broke the paragraphs better, but you still need to work on sentences. Let me give you an example:
Originally Posted by Before
The boy was sitting at the lake suddenly a Pokemon flew overhead he jumped and began chasing after it.
Right now it looks like a big cluster, let's add punctuation, changes will be in bold.
Originally Posted by After
The boy was sitting at the lake. Suddenly, a Pokemon flew overhead. He jumped and began chasing after it.
Whenever you have a different action or though, add a period. Let's say your paragraph is about searching through Eterna Forest. Every sentence in the paragraph has to do with searching the forest. However, sometimes you might hear a noise and turn around. You would add a period because you did a new action.(Went from looking through the plants, then you heard a noise) If the two actions are similar, or in response, you use a comma.
Originally Posted by Comma1
I searched around the bushes, then I searched in the bushes
Notice the word "then"? Words like then and "and" are used as part of a conjuction. You use them to connect two similar phrases.
Originally Posted by Comma2
I searched in the bushes, but I heard a noise and ran away.
Words like "but" are used when something is different, but it relates. Like the example, I looked in the bushes, then I heard a noise. Put but in there because you did something different than you originally planned.
Also, whenever a new character speaks, you make a new paragraph.
The two Pokemon fought fiercly.
"Stop it you two!" I yelled.
Why do we do this? Saying something like "that Pokemon was tough, so I told my Pokemon to use Flamethrower" doesn't sound(or look as good).
3032, the range is 3,000 to 5,000, cutting it pretty close.
Well, you showed some improvement since last time. Still, I recommend reading the How to Write Stories thread a little closer. There are some things that you can improve on.(Mainly grammar and detail) I suggest taking time to think of a good plot for a story. Read some books, watch some tv, anything that would give you an idea for a great story.
It was easier than Taillow, and like I said, you did better than before. But remember, take your time when you write a story. With a few differences, you pretty much copy+pasted the plot from your last story. You'll have an easier time catching things if you take the time to plan out your stories.
This is the last time you'll see him. It's too much work to grab the image every time.