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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #31  
Old 08-11-2009, 03:33 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 5 is up!)

rofl, yes, Xanthe is comma crazy XDD But that's okay, that just part of her perfectionism. XDDD I just hope I don't have the same problem in my own fic..... x.x
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Old 08-14-2009, 04:42 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 5 is up!)

I was going to post this on Sunday, but I felt like it had been long enough since the last update, so here's Chapter Six! It's a long one, but I hope you all like it!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The organization known as SIPHR (you'll see it very early), the acronym is pronounced "Cipher". Just to clarify that. Enjoy!

Chapter Six: Enter the Enemy
Location: Mt. Moon, Kanto Region
Characters: Hayden (Bulbasaur, Pidgeotto, Metapod, Pikachu), Klaire (Charlie, Ratsy, Nora, Doran, Zulu)

“Wow, they sure work hard at maintaining this place,” Hayden said, taking in his surroundings. They were in the tunnel that went all the way through Mt. Moon to Cerulean City. The tunnel was well-fashioned, and the rocky ground was very even and easy to walk on. Dim, white lamps lined the walls, spaced out well enough to provide enough light for travelers, but also to not disturb the wild Pokemon’s natural habitat too much. The tunnel was very tall and very wide, big enough for several Onix to travel through side-by-side without much difficulty.

“The Society for Improving Pokemon and Human Relationships in Pewter City and Cerulean City worked together to design and build this tunnel,” Klaire explained, and Hayden once again marveled at her knowledge. She wasn’t reading from a book or anything, it was all from memory. “They settled on this design, which makes it relatively easy for humans to traverse, but also causes the least possible disturbance to the wild Pokemon’s natural habitat. There are many natural caves and caverns branching off from this main tunnel which remain untouched by human hands, and are generally where the wild Pokemon reside, but there are occasional wild Pokemon that wander onto the main path.”

“There’s a Society for Pokemon and Human Relationships?” Hayden asked.

“You didn’t know?” Klaire asked. “I thought everyone knew. The Society for Improving Pokemon and Human Relationships, or SIPHR, was established by the Pokemon League about thirty years ago. They’re one of the main reasons that Pokemon and humans are able to get along as well as they do today, and why so many wild Pokemon habitats are untouched, except by adventuring trainers. They keep industry away from the habitats of wild Pokemon, while making sure to help improve the living conditions of both humans and Pokemon.”

“Wow,” Hayden said. “They’ve sure got their work cut out for them.”

“But they do a good job,” Klaire said. “It’s one of the largest Pokemon-related organizations in the world today.”

“So, does what you said about this tunnel mean I probably won’t find any wild Pokemon to capture?” Hayden asked, frowning. “And if I capture anything, is the… SIPHR, or whatever it’s called, going to come after me?”

Klaire laughed. “No, they won’t come after you,” she said. “As long as you don’t abuse Pokemon, catching wild Pokemon is perfectly legal. SIPHR puts up notices and dispatches Pokemon Rangers to areas when the wild Pokemon population gets low, and they prohibit the capture of wild Pokemon until the population gets back up to SIPHR regulations. They have a pretty good system going on, so far.”

“Well then, that means I can capture some Pokemon while we’re here,” Hayden said, grinning. They walked on for a little longer before Hayden spotted a wild Pokemon. It was none other than a Geodude! The rocky Pokemon was hopping along through the main tunnel, and hadn’t noticed Hayden or Klaire yet.

“Wow, a Geodude,” Hayden said, unclipping a Poke ball from his belt. “This one’s mine. Go, Bulbasaur!” He threw his Poke ball forward and released Bulbasaur, who let out a battle-ready cry and faced the Geodude.

“Hey, are you even gonna give me a chance?” Klaire asked.

“I saw it first,” Hayden said with a shrug, and Klaire just sighed. “Bulbasaur, see that Geodude? We’re going to try and catch it. Hit it with a Razor Leaf!”

“Bulba…saur!” Bulbasaur fired several razor sharp leaves from his bulb, and they rocketed towards Geodude. The Razor Leaf collided with the unsuspecting Pokemon, who fell forward a few feet from the attack. Hayden watched to see what the Geodude would do next.

“Dude…” a deep, scratchy voice emanated from the Rock-type. He didn’t sound happy, and turned around to glare at Hayden and Bulbasaur with hatred in his eyes. “DUDE!!!” The Geodude charged forward, his right hand clenched into a fist and glowing with white light.

“He doesn’t look too happy!” Hayden shouted, and tried not to panic. “Bulbasaur, Vine Whip!” Bulbasaur let loose two thick vines and smashed the Geodude into the ceiling.

“Dude!” the Geodude cried in pain and ricocheted off of the ceiling, leaving a tiny crater where he hit. Surprisingly, however, the Pokemon kept up his attack, ricocheting off of the ceiling and using the extra momentum to fly straight at Bulbasaur! “DUDE!” The Geodude shouted, slamming his fist into the ground right in front of Bulbasaur. The rocky ground shattered and the resulting impact sent Bulbasaur flying through the air to land with a thud in front of Hayden.

“Bulbasaur!” Hayden called out, kneeling down to check on his Pokemon. Bulbasaur looked up at him and grinned, then jumped back to his feet and faced Geodude again.

“Hayden, that Geodude’s Mega Punch is really strong!” Klaire called out. So that’s what attack it was, Hayden thought to himself. “Maybe we should just run away.”

“Heck no!” Hayden yelled in response. He knew Klaire was right about how strong the Geodude was, but he was determined to catch this Pokemon. It would be his first real capture. Pidgey had just run away from him, Caterpie hadn’t even fought back, and Pikachu had joined perfectly willingly. Geodude, on the other hand, was fighting back, and even giving Bulbasaur a challenge, despite the type advantage. Maybe it was Hayden’s pride getting in the way, but in his mind, he had to win this battle and capture Geodude.

“Bulbasaur, use Leech Seed!” Hayden commanded. The Grass-type launched the energy draining seed from his bulb to stick to Geodude right in between the eyes. It sprouted, and Geodude began to glow with a light pink aura. The rocky Pokemon stared at the Leech Seed, cross-eyed, and his eyes widened. Not in fear, but, if it was even possible, in more anger!

“Dude…” Geodude said, glaring at Bulbasaur.

“Guess it doesn’t like the color pink,” Hayden suggested, and Klaire slapped her forehead.

“Seriously, Hayden?” she asked. “You think that’s what it’s mad about?”

“Sure,” Hayden said with a shrug. “What else would it be?” Klaire shook her head again, and Geodude began charging up another Mega Punch.

“DUDE!!!” Geodude shouted, leaping through the air at Bulbasaur.

“Bulbasaur, dodge it!” Hayden shouted. Bulbasaur leaped out of the way as Geodude came crashing down, but the Geodude didn’t use his Mega Punch. He looked up, fist still glowing, and Hayden realized something.

Bulbasaur had been right in front of Hayden. Bulbasaur had dodged to the right. The wild Geodude was where Bulbasaur had been, and Bulbasaur was slightly behind Geodude.

The Geodude was right in front of Hayden. And he still had Mega Punch charged up!

“Dude…” the Rock-type said, grinning in delight. Hayden’s eyes widened in horror.

No way, he thought. That Geodude… it wouldn’t… attack a human, would it?

“DUDE!!!” The Geodude screamed, charging at Hayden, fist held high.

“Hayden!” Klaire shouted, running to help her brother.

“Bulbasaur!” Hayden shouted, hoping Bulbasaur could do something, because Hayden sure couldn’t think of anything.

“Saur!” came Hayden’s starter’s reply, and two vines shot forward, each one wrapping around one of Geodude’s arms, stopping the rocky Pokemon in midair. The Geodude squinted and gritted his teeth, staring at Hayden angrily.

“Dude!” The Geodude shouted, dropping to the ground and pulling against Bulbasaur’s Vine Whip. The wild Pokemon sent Bulbasaur flying over him and crashing straight into Hayden. Hayden caught his starter Pokemon as Bulbasaur came at him, and the two of them tumbled to the ground, Hayden breaking Bulbasaur’s fall.

“You okay, buddy?” Hayden asked, looking over Bulbasaur.

“Saur,” Bulbasaur said with a nod, smiling as if to say “Thanks” to Hayden for catching him.

“Hey, no problem, pal,” Hayden said. “We’re partners, remember?” Bulbasaur nodded with a grin.

“Hayden, watch out!” Klaire shouted, and the ground in front of Hayden and Bulbasaur exploded with incredible impact, sending Hayden and Bulbasaur flying through the air.

“Whooooaaaa!!!” Hayden shouted, gripping Bulbasaur tightly as they flipped end-over-end through the air, nearly hitting the ceiling of the tunnel. Hayden once again broke Bulbasaur’s fall, landing with his starter Pokemon on top of him, and winced from the impact. This rocky ground was definitely not comfortable.

“Bulbasaur,” Hayden said through gritted teeth. “Let’s show this joker who’s the best.”

“Bulba… saur,” Bulbasaur said, nodding and jumping off of Hayden to face the wild Geodude. Hayden struggled to his feet, staring at the new crater Geodude had put into the floor with his Mega Punch.

“Bulbasaur, let’s do this! Vine Whip!” Hayden said. Bulbasaur lunged forward, sending two vines straight at the wild Geodude.

“Dude!” the Geodude cried, but couldn’t evade the Vine Whip. He took the full force of the attack and bounced backwards end-over-end to land on the tunnel floor, staring at the ceiling. He struggled to resume a fighting stance, but was obviously suffering from both Bulbasaur’s attacks and the Leech Seed that was draining his energy. Somehow, he still managed to ready another Mega Punch, and charged once more at Hayden and Bulbasaur.

“This guy’s a one-track mind,” Hayden said, shaking his head. “All right, Bulbasaur, hit him with a Razor Leaf!”

“Saur!” Bulbasaur cried, launching two leaves from his bulb. The Razor Leaf hit Geodude head-on, and the wild Pokemon fell backwards, landing in one of the craters he had created.

“That should do it,” Hayden said, running forward so that Geodude was in sight. He unclipped an empty Poke ball from his belt and threw it at the Rock-type. Geodude looked up in angry realization as the Poke ball hit him in the forehead, opened up, and swallowed him in a flash of light. The Poke ball rolled around in the crater for a few seconds, but then remained still, and pinged softly.

“There,” Hayden said, letting out a sigh and jumping into the small crater to claim his new Pokemon. He turned to Bulbasaur and grinned. “Great job, Bulbasaur! We caught a Geodude!”

“That was ridiculous,” Klaire said, shaking her head and staring at Hayden in amazement. “You could have been killed, you know. You’re reckless.”

Hayden smiled back at his sister. “A trainer has to take risks, right?” he shot back. He held up the Poke ball containing Geodude and eyed it with a mix of excitement and worry. “Well… I caught a new Pokemon. But I don’t think he’s gonna like me all that much.” He sighed. “Guess we ought to introduce ourselves, huh, Bulbasaur?”

“Saur,” Bulbasaur said with a nod. Hayden sighed and pressed the opening button on Geodude’s Poke ball.

“Geodude, go,” he said. The Poke ball burst open, and in a flash of white light, there was his newly captured Geodude, sitting on the tunnel floor right in front of him. The Geodude looked from left to right several times, checking his surroundings, and then saw Hayden and glared at him.

“Dude…” he growled dangerously, clenching a fist and charging up a Mega Punch.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute!” Hayden shouted, jumping forward and kneeling in front of Geodude. “No Mega Punch! Please, no Mega Punch! Just hear me out for a second.”

“Dude…” the Rock-type growled, but opened his hand and let the energy dissipate.

“Okay,” Hayden said with a sigh of relief. That was close. “Hi. I’m Hayden. I’m a Pokemon trainer. This is my starter Pokemon, Bulbasaur.” He motioned at Bulbasaur, who gave a friendly cry and smiled at Geodude. The rocky Pokemon didn’t look too impressed. “We’re traveling on a journey to get eight badges from the Gym Leaders of the Kanto Region so that we can enter in the Pokemon League tournament. There are going to be trainers all over the world with all kinds of powerful Pokemon competing in it. We’re hoping to win it all and be the champions.” Geodude looked from Hayden, to Bulbasaur, then back to Hayden, and burst out laughing.

“Du-hu-hu-hu-ude!” the Rock-type laughed, rolling from side to sight and clutching his rocky body.

“Hey!” Hayden shouted. “That’s not funny! We’re really going to win it!” Geodude stopped laughing, with great difficulty, it seemed, and tried to listen to Hayden some more. “So, I was thinking…” Hayden looked at the scars and craters Geodude had left in the tunnel, and smiled. He had an idea. “Geodude, you’re really strong.”

“Dude,” Geodude said in agreement, flexing his biceps and smiling proudly.

“Exactly,” Hayden said, laughing. Maybe he and Geodude could get along after all. “But, despite all of your strength, me and Bulbasaur still beat you.” This remark didn’t have quite the same effect on Geodude, who glared at Hayden angrily and began to charge up his Mega Punch. “Hey, hey, wait! Don’t do that! Hear me out!” Geodude reluctantly stopped charging his attack, but looked no less angry at Hayden. “Look. All I’m trying to say is, we’re traveling on a journey to be the best. I think you can relate to that. And you’re really strong, but you just saw that you can be beaten. I think I can change that.”

“Du-hu-hu-hu-ude!” Geodude laughed again.

“Hey, cut it out!” Hayden said, frowning. “Look, if I was able to train a Pokemon that could defeat you, then don’t you think it could be to both our benefits if you traveled with us? You could learn lots of new things, and even if you don’t like me, it would get you out of this tunnel and give you an opportunity to test your strength against some of the strongest trainers and Pokemon in the world.” Hayden smiled. “What do you say, Geodude? Do you think you can travel with us?”

“Dude…” Geodude said, rolling slightly from side to side, thinking over what Hayden had said. Finally, he stopped and shrugged, nodding ever so slightly. “Dude.”

“Great,” Hayden said, smiling. “It’s good to have you on board. Welcome to the team, Geodude.” Hayden held up Geodude’s Poke ball and returned him, then stood up.

“Nice thinking,” Klaire said, hands on her hips and smiling at her little brother. “You sure understood where his mind was pretty quickly.”

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t too hard,” Hayden said, shrugging. “You had a hunch how he felt about battling too, right, Bulbasaur?”

“Saur,” Hayden’s starter said with a nod.

“But did you notice that he only ever said ‘dude’?” Klaire asked. “He never once said ‘geo’. Wonder what that was about?”

“Maybe he’s a surfer dude,” Hayden said. Klaire slapped her forehead.

“Seriously, Hayden… sometimes… your humor amazes even me.”

“What?” Hayden asked, starting back down the tunnel. “Let’s get to Cerulean City!”

“There’s just one thing, Hayden…” Klaire said, looking down the tunnel at the damage Hayden’s newly caught Geodude had caused. “What are you going to do about all of this?”

“Me?” Hayden asked, pointing at himself and staring wide-eyed at the scars and craters in the tunnel. He thought for a moment, then shrugged. “SIPHR’ll take care of it. Isn’t that, like, their job, or something?”

“What?” Klaire asked, staring at Hayden in disbelief. “You’re just going to leave the tunnel like this?”

“What do you expect me to do?” Hayden asked. “I can’t fix this! I’ll report it to SIPHR when we get to Cerulean City, and they’ll take care of it. Won’t that work?”

Klaire sighed. “Fine,” she said. “Come on, let’s keep going. I still need to find a Clefairy, and with all the noise you made, you probably scared all the ones nearby away.”

“Speaking of noise… do you hear that?” Hayden asked.

“Hear what?” Klaire asked.

“Just listen,” Hayden said. He’d stopped walking and was standing still, listening intently, and Bulbasaur was, too. Klaire stopped as well and listened closely. There was a sound coming from deep within the tunnels… a mechanical noise. It didn’t sound Pokemon-like at all.

“What’s that?” Klaire asked.

Hayden shrugged. “Dunno,” he said. “Let’s check it out.”

“Sure, why not?” Klaire asked. “And while we’re at it, I’ll let Charlie get some fresh air. Go, Charlie!” Klaire clipped a Poke ball off of her belt and threw it forward, releasing her Charmander into the tunnel.

“Charmander! Char, char!” Charlie cried happily, smiling and looking around at his new surroundings. He looked over and saw Hayden and Bulbasaur, and immediately ran over to greet them.

“Hey, little guy,” Hayden said, kneeling down and patting Charlie on the head. “Well, look at that, he remembers me.”

“Of course he does,” Klaire said, smiling. “And as an added bonus, Charlie’s tail flame will help us see a little better. These lights are fine, but they’re not the best in the world.” Hayden and Klaire and their starter Pokemon then set off, making their way down through the tunnel to try and find the source of the strange, mechanical noise.

“It’s getting louder,” Hayden said after a while, and after veering off onto two different natural tunnels that branched off from the main one. “I think we’re getting close.” These natural tunnels didn’t have man-made lighting in them, so Charlie’s tail flame helped a lot.

Until, suddenly, there were manmade lights.

“Huh?” Hayden asked, stopping as they turned a corner. This next stretch of tunnel was strung up with yellow, electric lights for about thirty feet, where it appeared to open up into some kind of cavern. The sound of machinery was much louder now, and it was apparent that whatever was causing it was at the end of this tunnel.

“What are lights doing here?” Klaire asked. She clipped a Poke ball off of her belt. “I don’t like the looks of this.”

“What do you mean?” Hayden asked. He strolled down the tunnel with Bulbasaur walking confidently beside him. “Let’s just go to the end and see what there is to see. It’s probably just some construction workers or something.”

“Hayden, wait,” Klaire said, grabbing her brother by the back of his shirt, stopping him in his tracks. “SIPHR doesn’t allow mining or excavating anywhere except for along the main tunnel in Mt. Moon. Something’s fishy about all of this.”

“Oh,” Hayden said, thinking for a moment. He then shrugged, and continued walking, flashing a smile back at his sister. “There’s only one way to find out what’s wrong, right?”

“Hayden…” Klaire said, shaking her head. She looked down at Charlie, who gazed back up at her expectantly, tail flame flickering with excitement. “Let’s go with them, Charlie. They’ll probably get themselves hurt on their own.”

“Char,” Charlie said with a nod, and the fire lizard and Klaire followed Hayden and Bulbasaur down the tunnel.

continued in next post...
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Last edited by KantoChamp46; 09-07-2009 at 07:59 PM.
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Old 08-14-2009, 04:50 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 5 is up!)

“Whoa,” Hayden said as they exited the tunnel… into an enormous cavern. The cavern was very obviously manmade, and it must have taken days of digging and mining work to create it. The ceiling stretched up hundreds of feet high, and in the center of the ceiling, there was a hole out to the sky about ten feet in diameter. The cavern was vaguely circular, and about two hundred feet across, with several small, probably Pokemon-made tunnels branching off from it in random places.

But it wasn’t the size of the cavern that caused Hayden to pause in awe. It was the machine in the center of the cavern. Planted in the center of the cavern was a tall, mechanical tower that stood almost as tall as the ceiling of the cavern, and was the same diameter as the hole in the ceiling. It was lined all the way up it with circular windows, flashing display screens, and odd wires, but at the base was a door, and into that door were walking lines and lines of Clefairy! The small fairy Pokemon stood about two feet tall and were pink all over, with a curly-cue of hair right between their two pointed ears on top of their heads, which were tipped with brown. They had small pink ovals on their cheeks and a gap-toothed smile, but rather than the normally cheerful, dancing motion with which the Pokemon usually walked, they were all walking in a robotic, single-file fashion, straight into the mechanical tower in the center of the cavern.

All around the tower, and scattered throughout the cavern, were men and women dressed in black jumpsuits, with black caps, white boots, and a red “R” emblazoned on their shirts. Some of these people were standing next to the tower, working the machinery and ushering the Clefairy into it, while others were standing near the edges of the cavern, drills in hand and working on expanding it. Those that remained stood guard around the edges of the cave, alert for any kind of intruder or suspicious activity.

“Hayden,” Klaire whispered, pulling Hayden and Bulbasaur back from the entrance to the cavern. So far, they hadn’t been seen yet.

“What is all of this?” Hayden asked, turning to his sister, the human encyclopedia. Klaire shrugged.

“I’ve never seen people in suits like that before,” she said. “But what they’re doing to those Clefairy…” She glanced back into the cave, watching the fairy Pokemon file into the mechanical tower. “This can’t be good.”

“So, why don’t we go stop them?” Hayden asked. Klaire stared at him, mouth wide open.

“Are you crazy?” she shot back. “There’s like… at least twenty of those people in there!”

“So?” Hayden asked with a shrug. “We have Pokemon. And what they’re doing in there can’t be good. Even if we don’t do anything, we should at least go in there and try and get some answers.”

“Who do you think we are, the police?” Klaire asked.

“Do you see any police around here?” Hayden asked. Klaire looked around, but Hayden continued before she could answer. “Rhetorical question. No. There aren’t any police around here. So, seeing as there are no authorities in the immediate vicinity, and there aren’t any phones around here, and it’s about a two hour walk back through the cave… looks like we’ll have to act in their place.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Klaire said. “You’re insane! They outnumber us ten-to-one!”

“So?” Hayden asked. “Who said we were fighting them? I just want to ask some questions. If they’re not doing anything bad, then we don’t have to worry about it.”

“And if they are?” Klaire asked, dreading the answer.

Hayden grinned at her. “Then we do what any good trainer would do. We stop the bad guys.” Klaire sighed, shaking her head, and looked down at Charlie.

“You don’t agree with him, do you?” she asked her starter Pokemon. Charlie looked up at her hesitantly, and slowly nodded.

“Char…” he said slowly, nodding his head up and down.

“Great…” Klaire said with a sigh. “All right. Let’s go ask those questions. If this turns into a fight, I blame you.”

“Have no fear, Klaire, Hayden is here,” Hayden said. He smiled down at his Bulbasaur. “You ready for this, pal?”

“Saur,” Bulbasaur affirmed with a nod.

“All right,” Hayden said, stepping back into the cavern. “Let’s get to the asking.” Klaire followed along behind, staring at the ground, and really hoping her brother had a good plan. At least Charlie and Bulbasaur both seemed confident.

As they walked out into the cave once again, two of the black-suited guards looked up in alarm. “Hey!” one of them, a man who looked to be in his early twenties with short brown hair, shouted. “What are you two doing in here?”

Hayden put his hands up and smiled. “Hey, relax, fellas,” he said, walking forward confidently. “We’re just a couple of investigators from SIPHR who heard about some suspicious activity going on in Mt. Moon and came to investigate.” At this comment, both the guards’ and Klaire’s eyes widened in shock, and Klaire’s a little bit in fear, too.

What is he thinking? she thought.

“Shoot,” the guard said under his breath, but loud enough that Hayden could just hear him. “From SIPHR, eh?” The guard turned to look at one of the black-suits, a woman in her mid-twenties with long, flowing brown hair and two Poke balls at her belt. “Hey, Sheena. Got two investigators from SIPHR.”

“Oh?” the woman, Sheena, asked, looking up from the laptop she’d been staring at to eye Hayden and Klaire. She was tall, Hayden noticed, probably a few inches taller than six feet, and might actually be fairly attractive, if it weren’t for her eyes. They had a piercing quality to them, a sinister glint that creeped Hayden out. Sheena walked over to join the guards and looked Hayden and Klaire over with a focused gaze. “From SIPHR, huh?” Hayden nodded. “Tell me, then, why SIPHR would send over two… children… to conduct an investigation. Couldn’t spare the experts?”

Hayden shrugged, and Klaire marveled at how well Hayden kept his cool. For making this up on the spot, he sure was staying confident. “We’ll do,” he said calmly. “Now… Sheena, was it?” He pointed over at the mechanical tower that the Clefairy were filing into. “What is that thing?”

“It’s really none of your concern,” Sheena said icily. She flicked a strand of hair away from her face. “But, if you insist on knowing, it is a rocket.”

“A rocket,” Hayden said flatly. “And… why are the Clefairy filing into it?”

“Clefairy come from the moon,” Sheena said. “We’re environmentalists… like you. And we believe that the Clefairy should be sent back to the moon, their natural habitat. That rocket will take them there.”

“Right…” Hayden said, struggling not to roll his eyes. That was the worst lie he’d ever heard. “You know, there’s something fishy about this. About your suits, the machines, the Clefairy, and this whole little operation you’ve got going on here. You have ten seconds to tell us what’s going on here before we report you to the police.”

“Oh, really?” Sheena asked, smiling coldly. Hayden glanced around, and noticed that the rest of the black-suited people were closing in, forming a wide, scattered circle around Klaire and Hayden.

Looks like she can see through my lie as well as I can see through hers, Hayden thought. This is going to be interesting. He looked at Sheena. Two Poke balls on her belt, and… glancing around, he checked the rest of the black-suits belts, one Poke ball each for everyone else? He smiled. Well, at least the odds aren’t too bad. Klaire and I have ten Pokemon, and they have… twenty-one. He folded his arms over his chest.

“Is there a problem?” he asked. “Because I thought you said you were environmentalists, but here you are walling us in, preventing us from leaving. Are you trying to hide something?”

Sheena chuckled. “I suppose there’s no point in keeping it a secret from you, seeing how you won’t be leaving here alive,” she said. She pointed over at the mechanical tower – the rocket – that the Clefairy were piling into. “That is a rocket, but not to the moon. That rocket is going to take those Clefairy back to our base. That,” Sheena pointed at a metal pedestal projecting a holographic symbol and emitting a strange whirring noise, “is a machine that emits a low frequency sound wave that draws all the Clefairy to it, whether they want to come here or not.”

“You’re stealing all of the Clefairy…” Klaire gasped, staring on at Sheena in horror. “But, why would you do something like that?”

Sheena smiled. “Not stealing, my dear,” she said. “We’re capturing them. Just not with Poke balls.”

“I thought you said you were environmentalists,” Klaire said, and Hayden sighed. She couldn’t tell that Sheena was lying?

Sheena shook her head. “Dear, dear, dear, you are naďve, aren’t you?” she asked. “That was a joke. We are Team Rocket.”

“Team Rocket?” Hayden asked, staring at Sheena. “Never heard of it.”

“And you never will,” Sheena said with a sly smile. “We’ve been under the radar this long, and you won’t be leaving here alive to tell anyone about us. We are dedicated to ruling the world through the powers of Pokemon, and these Clefairy are just the first step of that mission.”

Hayden sighed, shaking his head. “Ruling the world through the powers of Pokemon?” he asked. “That’s cute. Sounds like something out of a bad comic book.” Sheena glared at him, and he reached for a Poke ball. “Too bad you guys won’t be leaving with those Clefairy or killing us.”

“Hayden, what are you doing?” Klaire screamed. “We can’t fight them all!”

“Yeah, well, sixteen’s way too young to die,” Hayden said, holding the Poke ball and pulling back to throw. “I’m not going down without a fight. And this ‘Team Rocket’, or whatever, sounds like one big joke to me. I bet their Pokemon are, too.”

“Hayden!” Klaire screamed, but, to her dismay, Charlie seemed ready to fight, too. It must want to protect the Clefairy. She did too, but twenty against two? That was insane!

Sheena laughed a low, cold, merciless laugh that send shivers down Hayden’s spine. “So, the little boy wants to be a man,” she said, eyeing Hayden with sinister delight. “What, you think because you might have won a badge or two that you can fight twenty of us at once? I don’t think so, boy.” She looked at all of the other Team Rocket members and nodded, and each of them pulled their single Poke ball from their belts and prepared to throw. She folded her arms and watched coolly. “Let’s see how long you and your friend last.”

“Bulbasaur, you ready?” Hayden asked, looking down at his saurian starter.

“Saur, Bulbasaur,” Bulbasaur said, nodding and glaring at Sheena.

“All right,” Hayden said. “Let’s do this. Geodude, go!” Hayden threw his Poke ball forward to release Geodude, and at the same time, every Team Rocket member, apart from Sheena, threw their Poke ball forward as well. Geodude burst forth from Hayden’s Poke ball, and from the Rockets’ Poke balls came Zubat, Rattata, the purple snake Pokemon Ekans, Zubat’s evolved form, Golbat, with a mouth that took up its whole body and small, beady eyes, and Rattata’s evolved form, Raticate, a brown, white-chested mouse twice as big as Rattata and with sharper fangs and a fiercer gaze. There were twenty of the assorted Pokemon types in all, and Hayden had only Bulbasaur and Geodude released so far. He glanced back to see Klaire throwing forward two of her own Poke balls, and then, the battle began.

“Geodude, I need you to go and shut down that machine!” Hayden shouted as the Rockets’ Pokemon began charging towards them. “Do whatever you can, but you’re my strongest Pokemon, so hit that thing with your Mega Punch, or whatever you can do! Just take it out somehow!” Geodude nodded and jumped high over the Rockets’ Pokemon, landed outside the circle, and charged at the rocket that the Clefairy were filing into.

“Doran, Rollout!” Klaire shouted, and Hayden saw her Phanpy rocket forward in a ball, knocking over several Rattata. “Nora, Fury Swipes!” Klaire’s Mankey leapt upward, catching a Zubat in midair and slashing away at it furiously with its claws.

“Go, Pidgeotto, Pikachu!” Hayden shouted, throwing two more Poke balls forward just as several Ekans were almost on top of him. “Bulbasaur, trip them up with Vine Whip! Pidgeotto, blow them away with Gust!” Bulbasaur stopped the Ekans just before they got to Hayden, and then Pidgeotto blasted them away with a gust of air. Pikachu stood at the ready, and Hayden spotted a Golbat flying down at him, trying to catch him unawares. “Pikachu, Thundershock!” Hayden commanded, pointing at the Golbat.

“Pika… chu!!!” Pikachu screamed, letting loose a powerful blast of electricity at the evolved Zubat. The Golbat rolled to the side, dodging the Thundershock, but then Zulu emerged from his Poke ball and crashed into it, knocking it away from Hayden and his Pokemon.

“You put up a good fight,” Sheena called from outside the battlefield. “But you won’t last long!” Hayden gritted his teeth at her taunts, but he wasn’t entirely sure he actually would last. Despite the fact that he had brought this battle upon himself (and Klaire), he really didn’t know that they could win.

We’ve gotten off to a good start, Hayden thought, and glanced over at Klaire to see Charlie blast away two Ekans with a powerful Flamethrower attack. But how long can we hold out? If Geodude can just disable that machine, then we might stand a chance. And as long as we stay close and don’t get scattered, we might win. The Rockets’ Pokemon are scattered… they thought we’d be easy targets. If they get their bearings, though, we’ll be done for.

continued in next post...
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Old 08-14-2009, 04:54 PM
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“Klaire!” Hayden shouted over to his sister. “Try and get their Pokemon confused! If we can keep them from working together, we can win this!”

“If we survive this, I swear I’ll kill you!” Klaire shouted back, and Hayden had to try hard not to laugh. This wasn’t laughing time, this was battling time!

“Bulba!” Bulbasaur shouted, looking behind Hayden in shock. Hayden turned around as fast as he could, but was slammed into by a Raticate’s Quick Attack. It hit him full force in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him and sending him flying backwards to land just behind Bulbasaur. He gasped for breath and rolled to his side, staring in shock at the Raticate.

What kind of trainer has their Pokemon attack a human? Hayden thought. This was ridiculous… and it was serious. Hayden fought back the fear of possible death and struggled to his feet as the Raticate charged again.

“Bulbasaur, Vine Whip! Pikachu, Thundershock!” The combined attacks hit the Raticate in mid-leap, and the mouse Pokemon was launched backward to lay in a heap, dazed. “Nice job, guys! Keep it up!” Hayden turned around, only to find another Pokemon aiming at him, this time an Ekans! It leapt forward, hissing fiercely, its mouth open wide to strike. Hayden only had a moment… but none of his Pokemon had noticed the Ekans yet, and by the time he got off a command, they wouldn’t react in time…

Then, something clicked in Hayden’s mind as he remembered the first Pokedex entry he’d ever heard. He threw forward his last remaining Poke ball and shouted, “Metapod, Harden!” The Poke ball burst open and Metapod appeared right in the way of Ekans’ Bite attack. The cocoon Pokemon buzzed and glowed with a silver light, and Ekans bit down around it… and recoiled in pain, dealing no damage to Metapod.

“Just as I thought!” Hayden shouted, smiling. “Your shell’s rock hard. Great job, Metapod!” Hayden looked up for Pidgeotto to see him engaged in a fierce aerial battle with a Zubat and a Golbat. He turned to Bulbasaur to find him facing off against a Raticate, and looked to find Pikachu duking it out with two Rattata. He looked back at the enemy Ekans and his Metapod, and his eyes widened in fear. Geodude was still trying to stop the machine, and so it was just Hayden and Metapod versus the Ekans.

Hayden gritted his teeth. “Don’t worry, Metapod, we’ve got this!” he shouted. The Ekans, however, didn’t think so, and grinned wickedly at Hayden. “Metapod, Harden!”

“Meta… pod,” Metapod buzzed, glowing once more and hardening its shell. The Ekans just continued looking at Hayden. Hayden’s move with Metapod had been a one-time move, Hayden realized, and one that wasn’t going to work now that Metapod was out of its Poke ball and couldn’t move.

“Metapod, return!” Hayden shouted, recalling Metapod to its Poke ball and diving to the side, reaching for a fist-sized rock. The Ekans’ reflexes were amazing, though, and it lunged the instant before Hayden dove. He wasn’t going to reach the rock in time…

“Saur!” Bulbasaur shouted, and the green blur of Hayden’s starter crashed into the Ekans with a Tackle, knocking the purple snake to the side and saving Hayden in the nick of time. Hayden grinned at his starter, but then saw the Raticate he’d been fighting jump forward to join the battle. Bulbasaur ducked as the Raticate charged him, and then flipped the mouse over his back with a flick of his head, but that gave the Ekans a chance to lunge for Bulbasaur.

“Bulbasaur!” Bulbasaur cried out in pain as the Ekans’ jaws closed down on top of it with a Bite attack.

“Bulbasaur, no!” Hayden shouted. He picked up the rock he’d dove for earlier and threw it at the Ekans, who recoiled in pain, dropping Bulbasaur. Just as the Ekans went to attack again, however, Doran came rolling in, slamming into the Ekans and sending it flying. Hayden looked over at Klaire, who flashed him a thumbs-up and smiled. He smiled back at her and got to his feet, then ducked as a Golbat came zooming at his head, missing by mere inches.

“Pidgeotto, where are you?” Hayden asked, scanning the air. He spotted Pidgeotto, fleeing through the air from two Golbat in hot pursuit. Hayden looked to give Bulbasaur a command, but then saw the Raticate from before lunging at him once again.

“Bulbasaur, behind you, watch out!” Hayden shouted. His starter turned around, and then rolled out of the way just in time to avoid the Raticate’s attack. “Just focus on the Raticate for now.” Hayden spotted Pikachu, who’d just knocked out an Ekans with a Thundershock attack, but was looking pretty tired. “Pikachu, I need you to help out Pidgeotto! Give those Golbat a Thundershock!” Pikachu nodded and ran closer to Pidgeotto, charging electricity in his cheeks.

“Chu!!!” Pikachu cried, letting loose the Thundershock. It scored a direct hit on one of the pursuing Golbat, which screeched and tumbled to the ground.

“Pidgeotto, turn around and use Quick Attack!” Pidgeotto cawed in response and did a quick turn in the air to face the remaining Golbat, then charged at it, ramming into the large bat at full speed. Hayden ducked down and called Pikachu to him.

“Pika,” Pikachu said, jumping into Hayden’s arms and panting heavily.

“I know you’re tired,” Hayden said, smiling down at Pikachu. “Just hang in there. You’re doing great.” He looked around to get a bearing on how the battle was going so far.

So far, things weren’t looking all that bad. He saw at least five of the Rockets’ Pokemon were unconscious, and quite a few more were looking pretty tired. Klaire’s Pokemon were doing pretty good, with Doran rolling around, sending enemy Pokemon flying, Charlie still firing off gouts of flame and not looking too tired yet, and Ratty and Nora doing a good job of supporting them on the ground. Zulu was looking tired out and was in an intense close-up aerial battle with a Golbat, which he looked like he’d lose if he didn’t get some support.

On Hayden’s end, there was Pikachu, in his arms and tired out, but still in the game. Bulbasaur had managed to take out the Raticate it was up against and was now fighting a difficult battle against an Ekans, dodging its attacks and trying to maintain his distance and use Vine Whip. Pidgeotto had managed to gain some ground against the Golbat he was up against, but it was going to be a close battle.

And where was Geodude? Hayden looked over at the Clefairy-stealing rocket and saw Geodude desperately pulling and punching at metal plates, wires, and display screens with little effect. How were they going to take that machine down?

“Pikachu, stay close to me,” Hayden said, putting the electric mouse Pokemon down. “I’ve got an idea.” He turned and called out a few more commands to Bulbasaur and Pidgeotto, then ran for the machine, Pikachu right next to him. If Geodude couldn’t take out the machine by brute force, then he was going to try and short-circuit it.

“Not so fast, little boy,” Sheena said, stepping between Hayden and the machine, the Clefairy, and his Geodude. Hayden stopped, and Pikachu tensed up, his cheeks sparking. Sheena looked at Pikachu and laughed. “Ooh, an angry Pikachu. How cute.” She pulled a Poke ball from her belt. “Too bad this won’t last long. Go, Slash!” She threw forth her Poke ball, and as it hit the grey, rocky ground between herself and Hayden, it flashed with bright light. Released from the Poke ball, between Hayden and his goal, was Sandslash, the hedgehog Pokemon. The sand-colored Pokemon stood more than twice as tall as Pikachu, and its back was lined with razor-sharp quills. It regarded Hayden and Pikachu with narrow, diamond-shaped black eyes, and each of its hands ended in long, white, sharp claws.

Worst of all, Sandslash was a fully evolved Ground-type Pokemon, and Pikachu was a tired, un-evolved Electric type. As much as Hayden didn’t believe in type match-ups and evolutionary forms meaning anything, he knew that he and Pikachu were in for a rough battle.

Why now? Hayden wondered. You stay out of this battle all this time, and then pop in at just the right moment to completely screw me over. He gritted his teeth and turned to Pikachu, who was exhausted and looking pretty nervous. “Come on, Pikachu,” he said. “We’re so close. We’ve got to do this.” Pikachu’s cheeks sparked again and he stepped in front of Hayden to face Sandslash.

“Let’s finish this quickly,” Sheena said with a smile. Hayden glanced behind him for a moment, worry lining his face. Bulbasaur and Pidgeotto were still in there with no one to guide them now, and Klaire was all alone with her Pokemon. He hoped they could last. “Slash, use Sand Tomb!”

Hayden whipped his head back around. He shouldn’t have looked away! Slash curled into a ball and started rolling at alarming speed, just a sandy-brown blur racing in circles around Pikachu. Pikachu tried to follow it, but finally gave up, and just stood in the center of the circle, waiting for Hayden’s command.

“Pikachu, jump out of it!” Hayden called, but his timing couldn’t have been worse. Just as he called out to Pikachu, the Sand Tomb attack began, and in the circle that the Sandslash was creating, the rock turned to sand, and Pikachu sunk into it, unable to jump out. “Pikachu!”

“Pika…” Pikachu growled, struggling against the sand.

“Oh, that’s not even the worst of it,” Sheena said, laughing. “Just watch. Slash, finish this!” Slash picked up its pace, and the sand pit that Pikachu was stuck in started to spin in circles – a whirlpool of sand!

“Pikachu, no!” Hayden shouted desperately, but could only watch in horror as the Pikachu was spun round and round in circles, crushed by the pressure of the sand. Pikachu cried out in pain, and Hayden pulled out his Poke ball, took aim, and tried to return the Electric-type – but Pikachu was moving too fast! He couldn’t recall him to his Poke ball!

“Oh, dear, dear, dear,” Sheena said, clucking her tongue and wagging a finger at Hayden. “You should know better than to take on Team Rocket. Especially when I’m around.”

Hayden gritted his teeth and looked back to see if he could get either Bulbasaur or Pidgeotto to help him. Bulbasaur was trapped between two Ekans, fighting them off the best he could with his Vine Whip, while Pidgeotto was helping Zulu against a Golbat and several enemy Zubat. Neither of them were going to be able to help him.

Then Hayden thought of an idea. It was risky, and he’d already tried it once, but it just might work. He unclipped a Poke ball from his belt, and threw it forward, aiming to land it right in Slash’s path. “Go, Metapod! Harden!”

The Poke ball opened and released Metapod in front of Slash, and Metapod used his Harden attack. But it wasn’t enough. Slash rolled right into Metapod and kept going, and, even worse, Metapod was knocked into the Sand Tomb with Pikachu!

“No!” Hayden shouted, desperately trying to recall both Metapod and Pikachu to their Poke balls, but to no avail. Sheena cackled with glee and ordered Slash to roll faster, and faster the Sandslash rolled, kicking up dust in the air and making the Sand Tomb spin even faster, crushing Pikachu with the pressure. Metapod seemed to be okay, but Hayden knew that the cocoon Pokemon wasn’t going to be able to escape on his own. Hayden needed another plan…

And there it was, staring him in the face. Geodude, right behind Sheena, was still hammering away at Team Rocket’s machine, still to no effect. Hayden smiled, and hoped that Geodude would listen to him in the moment he needed him most.

“Geodude!” Hayden shouted, and the rocky Pokemon looked over at Hayden to see what was going on. Its eyes glared in recognition as it saw the situation Pikachu and Metapod were in. “Use Mega Punch on Slash!” Geodude smiled and nodded, then jumped into the air, charging up its fist with energy.

“DUDE!!!” Geodude cried, crashing down right in Slash’s path, shattering the ground with a massive Mega Punch attack.

“Sand!” the hedgehog Pokemon cried, flying through the air to land in front of Sheena. It got to its feet quickly, and didn’t seem hurt too badly by Geodude’s Mega Punch, but the Sand Tomb subsided, leaving a severely weakened Pikachu and a free Metapod lying on once more stable, rocky ground.

“Pikachu, return!” Hayden called, returning Pikachu to his Poke ball. As much as he’d hoped on Pikachu for part of his plan, the little mouse had just been through too much. He’d have to come up with something else. And he’d have to win this battle against Sheena, too, and fast, before Klaire and his other two Pokemon were overwhelmed.

“Geodude, Rock Throw!” Hayden commanded. Geodude glared at Hayden, and instead charged up another Mega Punch and lunged at Slash.

“DUDE!!!” Geodude cried, punching at Sandslash as Hayden cried out desperately for Geodude to stop. Slash simply rolled out of the way, and Geodude tore a crater in the ground, dealing no damage to either Sheena or Slash.

“Geodude, no!” Hayden shouted. “You have to listen to me! Mega Punch isn’t going to work unless you catch Slash unawares! It’s too fast for that!”

“Hayden!” Klaire called from the battle raging behind him. He turned quickly to see that Klaire and her Pokemon, along with Bulbasaur and Pidgeotto, were being overwhelmed. Zulu had been defeated, and Pidgeotto was resorting to simply evasive maneuvers to distract the Zubat and Golbat that still remained. Bulbasaur, Klaire, and her remaining Pokemon, Charlie, Doran, Nora, and Ratty were surrounded by three Ekans, two Raticate, and six Rattata. This wasn’t looking good.

“Just hang in there!” Hayden called back to her, returning his attention to the battle with Sheena.

“Slash, Fury Swipes!” Sheena called out. Slash dove at Geodude and began scratching at him furiously with its claws. Geodude didn’t seem to feel much of the attack, and Hayden smiled. Maybe Geodude could win this.

“Geodude, Rapid Spin!” Hayden commanded. The Rock-type turned and glared at Hayden, who jumped back in surprise. “Hey, don’t look at me like that! Use Rapid Spin!”

“Dude!” Geodude shouted, instead charging up and releasing another Mega Punch. Slash rolled out of the way, and Geodude missed yet again, tearing apart the ground and nothing else.

“Geodude!” Hayden shouted. “You have to listen to me! Slash is too fast for your Mega Punch!”

“Dude…” Geodude growled, facing Slash once more.

“What, your Pokemon won’t even listen to you?” Sheena asked with a laugh. “No wonder you can’t beat me. Slash, Swift attack!” Slash jumped back and flicked its claws, sending a spray of star-shaped beams flying straight into Geodude. The Normal-type attack again did little damage, but Geodude would get worn out really fast if he didn’t beat Slash soon.

“Geodude, listen!” Hayden shouted. “Don’t you see? We have to work together! I know you don’t like me, but I also know that you’re strong! If we work together, we can do this, but you can’t hit Slash with your Mega Punch!” Geodude glared at him, but said nothing. “Come on, Geodude! Use your Rapid Spin!”

“Dude!!!” Geodude shouted, curling into a ball and spinning rapidly. He spun towards Slash, who rolled out of the way and scratched at him with its claws as Geodude passed.

“Rock Throw!” Hayden commanded, and Geodude came out of the Rapid Spin and threw two large rocks, one from each hand, at Slash, who dodged them yet again. “Follow it up with a Mega Punch!” Geodude lunged forward and punched, but hit empty air once again. Hayden gritted his teeth and fought hard to find some kind of strategy to win. Klaire was running out of time, and Geodude was all he had…

And Metapod! Hayden grinned as he saw the cocoon Pokemon was still in the battle, just sitting in the same spot Hayden had left him, watching Geodude try desperately to hit the Sandslash. Hayden’s eyes widened as he thought of an idea… it might not work, but he wasn’t exactly full of options at the moment.

“Geodude, grab Metapod!” Hayden shouted. Geodude looked at him in surprise but jumped over and picked up Metapod in one of his hands. “Now hold on to him tight and start up a Rapid Spin!” Geodude growled an affirmative and began spinning, holding Metapod close to him. Sheena stood on the opposite end of their battlefield and laughed.

“What kind of silly plan do you have now, boy?” she asked. “Whatever you try, it won’t work. Just give up.”

“No way,” Hayden said. “I’m not dying here. Metapod, Harden!” He watched as the spinning green shape in Geodude’s hand started to glow, and then gritted his teeth. Here goes nothing. “Geodude, Rock Throw straight out of the Rapid Spin!”

“Dude!!!” Geodude shouted, and out of his hands came one rock, two rocks, and Metapod! The three objects came flying towards Slash, propelled to much greater speeds as a result of the Rapid Spin, and Hayden didn’t think Slash would have time to dodge it this time.

“Slash!” Sheena shouted, and it was a command, not a cry of her Pokemon’s name. Hayden watched in confusion, as Slash dodged the first rock, and the second rock… and then slashed full-force right into Metapod’s shell!

“Metapod!” Hayden shouted. Slash had stopped Metapod in his tracks and Hayden watched in horror as the Sandslash’s claws sunk into what should have been a rock-hard shell. “Metapod, no!”

“Metapod’s shell may be hard, but Slash here can cut through boulders,” Sheena said smiling. “Your Metapod is as good as dead.”

“Metapod!!!” Hayden shouted. He could have handled the strategy not working, but Metapod, one of his first Pokemon, dead?

Suddenly, cracks appeared all along Metapod’s shell. Hayden looked on in horror, fighting back tears as Metapod’s shell splintered and cracked… and then shattered in a blast of energy! Hayden threw his hands over his face as pieces of green shell flew past him, and he didn’t want to put his hands down. He didn’t want to see the remains of one of his Pokemon.

“What the…?” Sheena asked. Hayden slowly lowered his hands…

And Metapod was gone, but in its place was a beautiful new Pokemon! Butterfree, the butterfly Pokemon and evolved form of Metapod, was hovering in the air right in front of Slash. He was just a little taller than Metapod had been, with a purple body, large, white wings tipped with black, black antennae, big red eyes, and blue hands and feet.

“Free,” Butterfree said in a musical voice, floating up above the battlefield.

“Butterfree…” Hayden said, watching on in amazement. “You’re not dead… you just… evolved.” He smiled. “Yeah!”

“Free!” Butterfree sang in delight, and flapped its wings, letting loose a blue powder aimed directly at Slash. A Sleep Powder attack!

“Slash, dodge it!” Sheena shouted, but, to her horror, the sleep-inducing powder landed on both Slash and her! “Slash… no…” Sheena said, as her eyelids grew heavy, and she dropped to the floor with her Sandslash, fast asleep.

“Yeah, Butterfree, that’s the way!” Hayden cried, and Butterfree sang back happily. Hayden turned to face the battle, and saw that Klaire was still just barely holding her own, along with Bulbasaur and Pidgeotto. “Butterfree, use Sleep Powder on Team Rocket and their Pokemon!”

continued in next post...
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Last edited by KantoChamp46; 09-07-2009 at 08:07 PM.
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Old 08-14-2009, 04:55 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 5 is up!)

“Free!” Butterfree sang, and flew towards the battlefield, releasing the blue powder onto the Pokemon and Team Rocket members below. One by one, the Rockets and their Pokemon fell fast asleep, leaving just Klaire, Hayden, and their remaining Pokemon standing. Klaire looked over at Hayden and smiled, shaking her head in disbelief.

“You have a knack for good timing, don’t you?” she asked.

Hayden shrugged, smiling back at her. “Not me,” he said, and looked up into the air. “Butterfree.”

“Free!” Butterfree sang, gliding down to land on Hayden’s shoulder. Hayden laughed and petted his newly evolved Pokemon.

“Great job, Butterfree,” he said with a grin. “You came out of your cocoon just in the knick of time.” Butterfree smiled and nuzzled up against Hayden’s cheek, and he laughed again.

“Dude,” Geodude said, hopping over to Hayden.

“Saur!” Bulbasaur cried, and he and Pidgeotto came over to stand in front of Hayden, waiting for his commands on what to do next.

“Hayden, the machine’s still running,” Klaire said, rushing over with her Pokemon. “We have to stop it somehow.”

“Don’t worry, I have an idea,” Hayden said, unclipping Pikachu’s Poke ball from his belt, and walking over to the machine Sheena had said was the one that drew the Clefairy to the rocket. “Pikachu, I need your help. I know you’re tired, but just one more time. Go!” He opened the Poke ball, releasing the exhausted Pikachu in front of the machine.

“Pika…” Pikachu said weakly, looking up at Hayden.

“Hey, pal, I just need your help this last time,” Hayden said. “Then you can rest until we get to a Pokemon Center.” Pikachu nodded. Hayden pointed at the machine emitting the noise that drew the wild Clefairy into the rocket. “I need you to give it everything you’ve got for a Thundershock to try and short-circuit this machine. It’s what’s drawing the Clefairy into the rocket, and I think this is the only way to free them.”

“Pika,” Pikachu said with a nod, charging up the last of its electrical energy and facing the emitter. “CHU!!!” He let loose a blast of electrical energy that enveloped the emitter. The holographic image floating above it flickered and died, and sparks and smoke flew from the machine.

“That’s the way, Pikachu! I think you got it!” Hayden shouted. Pikachu kept up the blast just a little longer, and the entire emitter exploded in a burst of white light. Pikachu fell over onto his side, exhausted from the effort, and Hayden recalled him to his Poke ball. “Thanks, pal. You saved the day.”

“Hayden, you did it!” Klaire exclaimed, pointing at the rocket. “All the Clefairy are back to their senses!” Hayden looked over to see the wild Clefairy piling out of the rocket, looking around at the cavern. They saw the sleeping Team Rocket, the broken emitter machine, and Hayden, Klaire, and their Pokemon, and then smiled.

“Clefairy,” they began chanting, over and over and over, crowding around the two trainers.

“Hey, I think they like us,” Hayden said, grinning. The Clefairy all raised their hands, which glowed with blue light, and Hayden and Klaire felt confident, alert, and ready for the rest of their journey. Their Pokemon received a similar effect, with their injuries being healed, and their energy restored.

“Wow,” Klaire said in awe. “I had no idea Clefairy had this kind of power.”

“Me neither,” Hayden said. He opened up Pikachu’s Poke ball again, and out came Pikachu, healthy and energetic as could be. The tiny mouse looked up at Hayden and smiled.

“Pika-pi!” he said, jumping up and down. Hayden laughed and knelt down, and all of his Pokemon crowded around him, smiling and laughing… except for Geodude, who hung back a little bit, but, for the first time, regarded Hayden with a smile.

“Clefairy!” the Clefairy sang, and they began to disperse, heading back into the caves and tunnels, disappearing from the Team Rocket-made cavern. However, one Clefairy remained behind, standing next to Klaire and smiling up at her.

“Cleffa,” the Clefairy said, tugging on Klaire’s pant leg. “Fairy.” Klaire looked down, and the Clefairy pointed from Klaire, to a Poke ball on her waist, to herself.

“You… want to come with me?” Klaire asked. The Clefairy nodded, smiling happily.

“Looks like you’ve got a fan,” Hayden said, laughing. Klaire knelt down, held out a Poke ball, and smiled.

“I’d be glad to have you,” she said, and the Clefairy opened up the Poke ball and jumped in, making a new addition to Klaire’s team.

And so, narrowly escaping death and saving the Clefairy, Hayden and Klaire continued on their way, with new Pokemon at their side and a new adventure waiting for them at the end of Mt. Moon… in Cerulean City!



The end of that chapter. Sorry it was a bit of long one, hehe. Hope you enjoyed it!
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  #36  
Old 08-14-2009, 09:15 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 6!)

Only one word for this chapter: AWESOME!!!! Hayden's battle with Geodude was cool, and that huge battle with Team Rocket was SWEET!! I like how Hayden improvised during the battle, having Geodude throw Metapod like that. And that's neat how Klaire got a Clefairy.

All in all, a great chapter. I can't wait to see how things go in the second chapter!!!
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Old 08-24-2009, 05:47 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 6!)

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Okay, so yeah, here’s a big battling chapter. But some important stuff with Hayden’s Pokemon happens and battling is a way a trainer develops. I also felt I couldn’t really skip over these battles, as important events transpire. Hope it doesn’t get too long, boring, or drawn out.

Chapter Seven: The Nugget Bridge Challenge
Location: Cerulean City, Kanto Region
Characters: Hayden (current team: Bulbasaur, Pidgeotto, Butterfree, Pikachu, Geodude), Klaire (current team: Charlie, Ratsy, Nora, Doran, Zulu, Clarisse)

“Finally, out of that tunnel,” Hayden said, stepping out into sunlight, spreading out his arms, and taking a deep breath of the fresh air.

“You said it,” Klaire said, joining Hayden on a bluff overlooking the city below. “So this is Cerulean City.”

Cerulean City lay just before them, down the hill from the exit from Mt. Moon. Half of the city was surrounded by glittering blue water, and the city seemed to match the theme. The buildings were all different shades of blue, and were curves and flowing designs, rather than the regular angular build of most houses. There was the usual Pokemon Center, Poke Mart, and Pokemon Gym, but there was also a bike shop by the water, and a bridge leading from the north of town over to a small island overlooking the ocean beyond. The bridge in particular caught Hayden’s eye – it was quite long, and sturdily constructed of blue stone. Five trainers stood at intervals on the bridge, from one end to the other, and seemed to be waiting for something.

“There’s another Gym in this city,” Hayden said with a grin. “So, do you know anything special about this city that you want to tell me, Ms. Know-it-all?”

“Funny,” Klaire said, shaking her head. “The leader of the Gym in Cerulean specializes in Water type Pokemon.”

“Wow, who would have guessed that?” Hayden asked sarcastically.

“On the cape, across the bridge, lives the Pokemon expert Bill,” Klaire continued. “He designed the Pokemon transfer system that allows Pokemon trainers to transfer their Pokemon to any other set location from a Pokemon Center. For us, that set location is Professor Oak’s Lab.”

“Wow, just one person designed it?” Hayden asked.

“Yup,” Klaire replied. “He’s supposed to be a real genius, and he’s not much older than you or me, I think.”

“That sure is something,” Hayden said.

“Well, come on, let’s head into town,” Klaire said, jogging down the hill into Cerulean.

“Hey, wait up, sis!” Hayden called, and raced after her. When they entered the city, they began to make their way to the Pokemon Center when a sign caught Hayden’s eye. It was posted near the entrance to the city, and showed a picture of the bridge at the north of town, with a golden nugget at the top corner of the sign.

The sign read: ATTENTION ALL TRAINERS! Would you like to earn a great prize, and challenge your Pokemon in the process? Then take on the Nugget Bridge Challenge! Face off against five trainers in a row in one-on-one Pokemon battles, without any rests in between. If you win, you get a fantastic prize! Just head on up to the bridge at the north of town, and declare your challenge! Offer available while supplies last. Please ask a Poke Mart sales associate for details.

“Hang on a sec,” Hayden said as he read the sign. “This sounds pretty cool.”

“What?” Klaire asked. She read over the sign and sighed. “Doesn’t sound like my kind of thing. I think I’m just going to heal up my Pokemon and head to the Gym.”

“Seriously?” Hayden asked. “Gee, that’s boring. I’m gonna take on this Nugget Bridge Challenge. It’ll give my team a good warm-up before I take on the Gym Leader.”

“Good luck,” Klaire said, smiling. “So, I guess that means we part ways again, huh?”

“Oh,” Hayden said, looking back at his sister blankly. “Yeah, I guess it does. You’ll just head on farther after you beat the Gym, won’t you?”

“Yeah, I was thinking Vermilion City was a good place to head after Cerulean,” Klaire replied. “It’s just south of here, and there’s a direct path linking the two cities. There’s a Gym in Vermilion, too.”

“Well, good luck, then,” Hayden said.

“Not so fast,” Klaire replied. “We still have to go the Pokemon Center, so we might as well go together.”

“Good point,” Hayden said.

“And…” Klaire added, “you still have to report about what happened in Mt. Moon to SIPHR.”

“Oh,” Hayden said, frowning. “Yeah. I forgot about that.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll go with you,” Klaire said. “We fought Team Rocket together, and I want to see if SIPHR’s ever heard of them before.”

“Okay,” Hayden said. “So… where’s SIPHR’s office?”

“Over here,” Klaire said, leading Hayden in the opposite direction of the Pokemon Center, towards a small, circular, one-story building with "SIPHR" imprinted above the door.

“This is it?” Hayden asked, stopping in front of the building. It certainly wasn’t very impressive. “I thought you said this was the biggest organization in the world.”

“And it is,” Klaire said, opening the door. “But the world’s a big place, and a lot of their work is done outside of the office. Now, come on.” Hayden followed his sister into the office, shutting the door behind them.

The SIPHR office consisted of a well-kept, circular lobby with an equally circular desk. There were two receptionists at the desk, both well-dressed young women with long hair pinned up into a tight bun. There were posters and TV screens along the walls displaying information about SIPHR and the types of work they did, and there was a large section devoted to Pokemon Rangers, explaining how to contact them, what reasons to contact them for, how many there were in the world, and also information about how to apply to become a Pokemon Ranger.

“Hello,” the closest receptionist to Hayden and Klaire said, giving them a welcoming smile. “Welcome to SIPHR’s Cerulean City Office. How can we help you today?”

“We just arrived from Mt. Moon,” Klaire said, stepping forward, “and we encountered a group of criminals who called themselves Team Rocket. They were running a large machine inside the caves that they were using to steal all of the wild Clefairy.”

“They were stealing Pokemon?” the receptionist asked, eyes widening in shock. “That’s awful.” She began typing at a keyboard. “What did you say they were called?”

“Team Rocket,” Hayden said. “Have you ever heard of them?”

The receptionist shook her head. “No, I’m afraid not.” She turned to the other receptionist. “What about you, Christine?” Her partner shook her head.

“Never,” the other receptionist said. “But if they were trying to steal the Clefairy, then it’s up to us to stop them.” She smiled at Hayden and Klaire. “Thank you for reporting them. Is there any other information you could give us about them?”

“They were all dressed in black uniforms with red Rs on the chests,” Hayden said. “Their leader was a woman named Sheena.”

“They had dug their own cavern into one of the natural tunnels branching off from the main tunnel,” Klaire explained. “That’s where they set up their machine.”

“Understood,” the first receptionist said, and finished typing. “Thank you two so much for reporting this. We will dispatch a group of Rangers to investigate the situation immediately.”

“Thanks,” Klaire said, and she and Hayden left the building and headed for the Pokemon Center.

“Why didn’t you tell them about the damage from my fight with Geodude?” Hayden asked as they entered the Pokemon Center.

“I thought you were going to,” Klaire said with a sigh. “But, to be honest, I figured that Team Rocket was more important, and that they could fix that damage up any old time.”

“Good point,” Hayden said, handing his Pokemon over to the nurse. Klaire did the same, and they sat down. “I hope they stop Team Rocket.”

“Me too,” Klaire said. “And I hope they do it quickly.” The bell in the Pokemon Center chimed, and the screen above indicated that Hayden and Klaire’s Pokemon were ready to be picked up.

“Well, looks like it’s time to go,” Hayden said, standing up with his sister. They went and retrieved their Pokemon, then said their goodbyes outside the Pokemon Center. Klaire headed off towards the Pokemon Gym, while Hayden made his way north to take on the Nugget Bridge Challenge.

Standing at the start of Nugget Bridge, Hayden gazed out across the wide, white, concrete bridge. It stretched nearly half a mile across, and was about thirty feet wide, with four-foot high guard rails on each side. The water below was clear and appeared to be relatively shallow – it probably wasn’t much deeper than Hayden was tall.

“You there!” a young boy, probably a year or two younger than Hayden, called out, stepping forward to stand before Hayden. He was rather short, with a messy shock of blonde hair on top of his head and a Poke ball at his belt. “Are you here for the Nugget Bridge Challenge?”

“Yup,” Hayden said with a nod. “Are you my first opponent?”

“You bet,” the trainer said with a grin. “My name’s Chris.”

“I’m Hayden.”

“All right,” Chris said, taking the Poke ball from his belt. “I’m sure you know the rules, or you wouldn’t be here, so let’s get started. Go, Bellsprout!” Chris threw forward his Poke ball to release the Grass Pokemon Bellsprout! Bellsprout was just a vine, two feet tall, with two leaves for arms and a bell-shaped leaf with eyes for its head. The vine split at Bellsprout’s base into two 'legs', which Bellsprout stood on. It swayed back and forth and waited for its trainer’s command.

“A Bellsprout, huh?” Hayden asked, more to himself than Chris. “This should be interesting.” He picked a Poke ball off of his belt, already having chosen his first Pokemon for the challenge before even seeing the first trainer. “Go, Geodude!” He’d decided to use the newest addition to his team, so that he could give Geodude some training and, hopefully, get to a point where Geodude would listen to his commands without complaining.

“Dude,” Geodude said as he left his Poke ball, taking up a fighting stance across from Bellsprout. He seemed happy to be called on for battle.

“A Geodude?” Chris asked, and seemed to be forcing back a laugh. “Interesting. Bellsprout, start things off with Vine Whip!”

“Sprout!” Bellsprout cried in a strange, nasally voice, and lashed forward with one of its feet. The vine-like foot extended across the distance between the two Pokemon, aiming straight for Geodude’s head.

“Geodude, dodge it with Rapid Spin!” Hayden commanded. Geodude grunted and flashed a look at Hayden, but complied, spinning rapidly. The Rapid Spin knocked away Bellsprout’s Vine Whip, and took Geodude around it, spinning straight towards his opponent.

“Nice, Geodude!” Hayden called out. “Now use Mega Punch!” He was trying to wean Geodude off of that move, since it was the only attack that the Rock-type liked to use, but he knew a good opportunity to use it when he saw it. Geodude came out of the Rapid Spin with a grin on his face and white light surrounding his fist.

“DUDE!!!” Geodude cried, hitting Bellsprout dead-on with a devastating Mega Punch. Bellsprout was thrown through the air with a pained cry, but managed to land on its feet near the edge of Nugget Bridge.

“Bellsprout, Razor Leaf!” Chris shouted. Bellsprout glared at Geodude and punched with both of its leafy arms, sending two razor sharp leaves straight at Hayden’s Geodude.

“Counter it with Rock Throw!” Hayden commanded. Geodude complied, forming a large rock in each hand and flinging them forward. The Rock Throw knocked the Razor Leaf out of the air and continued straight at Bellsprout. “Follow behind it with a Mega Punch!”

“Bellsprout, you’ve got to move!” Chris shouted, and Hayden could see the fear in the young trainer’s eyes. He’d probably never seen a Rock-type able to counter his Bellsprout like that. Bellsprout jumped out of the way, dodging the Rock Throw. Geodude was following behind, and leaped into the air as Bellsprout did, following the Grass-type move for move.

“Bellsprout, Vine Whip!” Chris commanded, and Bellsprout spun in the air, kicking Geodude in the face and knocking him away.

“Dude!” Geodude cried, punching forward as he was knocked away, desperate to try and land a hit on Bellsprout. His Mega Punch grazed Bellsprout’s leg and seemed to have no effect, and Geodude came crashing to the ground.

“Geodude, are you all right?” Hayden asked, gritting his teeth. He couldn’t lose the first battle of the challenge!

“Dude,” Geodude said, smiling at Hayden and flashing a thumbs-up. Bellsprout landed in front of Geodude, and the two Pokemon faced each other and waited for their trainers’ commands.

“Geodude, Tackle!” Hayden shouted. Geodude lunged forward, looking to ram headfirst into Chris’ Bellsprout.

“Bellsprout, dodge it and use Razor Leaf!” Chris commanded. Bellsprout went to jump out of the way… and faltered, collapsing on the leg that Geodude had grazed! It seemed Geodude’s Mega Punch had had some effect after all. Geodude crashed into Bellsprout full force, sending the Grass type flying through the air to land unconscious at the edge of the bridge.

“Wow,” Chris said, returning Bellsprout to its Poke ball. He looked at Hayden and Geodude and smiled. “I did my best, I have no regrets. Good job, Hayden. You can continue on to your next challenger.”

“Awesome!” Hayden shouted, running up to Geodude with a mile-wide grin on his face. “You were great, Geodude! Awesome battle!”

“Dude!” Geodude shouted, smiling at Hayden.

“Now come on back and take a good rest,” Hayden said, pulling out Geodude’s Poke ball and aiming to return him back into it. Geodude glared at Hayden, and dodged the recalling beam of red light that the Poke ball emitted. “Hey, what the heck?” Hayden frowned. “You want to keep battling?”

“Dude,” Geodude said with a nod. Hayden sighed.

“All right,” he said, shaking his head. “Let’s go on to the next challenger, Geodude.” Geodude smiled and followed along behind Hayden as he continued on along Nugget Bridge.

“Ah ha!” a boy shouted, leaping off the guard rail of the bridge to land across from Hayden. “What have we here? You defeated the first trainer, did you?”

“Yeah,” Hayden said.

“Interesting, very interesting,” the younger trainer said, rubbing his chin and eyeing Hayden thoughtfully. “Well, you won’t get past me. I have a Pokemon that can’t even be found in the Kanto Region. Go, Chimchar!” The boy threw a Poke ball forward, and released a small, monkey Pokemon with a fiery tail and a curly-cue of orange hair on top of its head. The Pokemon jumped back and forth excitedly, its tail blazing in anticipation of the battle.

“Whoa,” Hayden breathed, staring at the Chimchar in surprise. “Chimchar’s only found in the Sinnoh Region! How’d you get one?”

“My older brother’s in the Sinnoh Region, battling through the Gyms there,” the opposing trainer said with a smile. “He caught this Chimchar and thought I’d like him, so he traded him to me. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Yeah,” Hayden said, grinning in anticipation of what was sure to be a great battle. He looked down at Geodude, who had his fists clenched and was just waiting for the battle to begin. “Let’s do this, Geodude!”

Continued in next post...
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Last edited by KantoChamp46; 09-07-2009 at 08:13 PM.
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Old 08-24-2009, 05:51 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 6!)

Continued from last post

“Here we go!” the younger trainer shouted, pumping his fist in the air. “Chimchar, Fire Spin!”

“Char!” Chimchar cried, jumping into the air and shooting a blast of fire from his mouth. The fire didn’t hit Geodude, but rather spun around him, lighting the ground on fire in a circle, trapping Geodude within.

“Geodude, this is no problem for you,” Hayden called. “Just charge right through it and hit Chimchar with a Rock Throw!” Geodude let out a battle cry and charged forward, right through the flames without a scratch. He spun, materializing a rock in each hand, and flung them forward at Chimchar.

“Chimchar, dodge it!” Chimchar’s trainer called. Chimchar jumped out of the way with acrobatic ease, flipping through the air towards Geodude. “Now, use Scratch!” Chimchar plummeted back to earth, landed in front of Geodude, and scratched at the rocky Pokemon with his claws. Geodude winced, but the attack had little effect.

“Geodude, don’t let him do that to you!” Hayden called out. “He’s close! Use Mega Punch!”

“Dude!” Geodude shouted, punching forward. Chimchar grinned and jumped over the attack, scratching Geodude as he flipped over him. Geodude narrowed his eyes in anger and turned, attempting another Mega Punch, but Chimchar playfully dodged it, scratching Geodude again before leaping away to get some distance.

“How do you like that?” Chimchar’s trainer asked with a cocky grin. “You may have the type advantage, but Chimchar’s a little too fast for your Geodude.”

Hayden gritted his teeth. He’s right. How do I beat that speed? “Geodude, try Rock Throw again!” Geodude threw two rocks once more at Chimchar, and once more, the chimp leaped effortlessly out of the way.

“Chimchar, Flamethrower!” Chimchar grinned, and blew forward, letting loose a powerful stream of fire straight at Geodude. The attack connected full force, but Geodude shrugged off the flames and glared at Chimchar. “He’s too slow, Chimchar! Hit him again!” Chimchar let loose another Flamethrower.

“Geodude, Rapid Spin!” Hayden shouted. “Ride the Flamethrower right into Chimchar!” Geodude wrapped himself into a ball and spun rapidly. The flames hit him, but just bounced right off of the rapidly spinning Rock-type, who rode right up the stream of fire, straight for Chimchar.

“Chimchar, dodge it and use Scratch!” Chimchar stopped the Flamethrower and jumped, dodging Geodude just at the last second, and scratched Hayden’s Pokemon as he passed. Geodude broke out of his Rapid Spin and stopped, glaring at the chimp.

“Dude…” Geodude growled, glaring angrily at Chimchar. He was getting angry, and so was Hayden.

We’re not going to lose our second battle here, Hayden thought. Especially not to some cocky little monkey. Just gotta figure out some kind of strategy to get around Chimchar’s speed… Hayden thought hard, and then had an idea. Maybe he didn’t know all of Geodude’s moves!

“Chimchar, Flamethrower!” Chimchar’s trainer commanded, and his Fire-type released a blast of fire at Geodude once again.

“Geodude, Rapid Spin!” Hayden shouted. “Stay close to him! Don’t let him get any distance!” He pulled his Pokedex out of his backpack, confident that Geodude could last for a few moments while he checked out all of his Pokemon’s moves. He opened the dex and asked, “What moves does Geodude know?” A list appeared on the screen, and Hayden read it carefully.

Attacks that Geodude currently knows: Mega Punch. Tackle. Rapid Spin. Rock Throw. Defense Curl. All of those were familiar to Hayden. But there was one more on the list: Mud Sport.

“Huh?” Hayden asked. “What’s Mud Sport?” He looked up quickly to check on Geodude, who was chasing after Chimchar with a charged up Mega Punch, but couldn’t connect. The mischievous little monkey was just toying with Geodude!

“Mud Sport,” the Pokedex intoned. “An attack that covers the battlefield in a layer of thick mud. This mud absorbs Electric attacks, rendering them useless.”

“That’s it?” Hayden asked, sighing and watching Geodude chase around his opponent’s Chimchar. “It just absorbs Electric attacks? Wait a minute… covers the battlefield in mud…” Hayden grinned. This just might work. “Geodude! Use Mud Sport!”

“Dude?” Geodude asked, turning and glancing sidelong at Hayden as if his trainer was joking.

“Trust me, Geodude!” Hayden called. “Use Mud Sport!”

“Dude,” Geodude said, shrugging, and jumped into the air. At the highest point of his jump, Geodude looked upward and spit up a huge glob of mud from his mouth. The mud glob flew up into the air, and Geodude followed it, charging up a Mega Punch. As Geodude and the mud glob came close, Geodude swung, punching the glob, causing it to explode into a huge shower of mud. The Mud Sport rained down mud on the battlefield, coating the section of the bridge where Hayden and Chimchar’s trainer were battling in a thick layer of mud. Geodude landed, facing Chimchar and looking uncertain. He seemed to be wondering what on Earth Hayden was thinking.

“Nice job, Geodude!” Hayden called out, smiling.

“Mud Sport?” Chimchar’s trainer asked, placing his hands and eyeing Hayden skeptically, obviously unimpressed. “That just absorbs Electric attacks. Did you think Chimchar was an Elekid or something?”

“Nope,” Hayden said, still smiling. “Just watch. Geodude, Rock Throw!”

“Dude!” Geodude cried, hurling two fist-sized rocks straight at Chimchar.

“Child’s play,” Chimchar’s trainer said, shaking his head. “Dodge it, Chimchar!”

“Char!” Chimchar cried, moving to jump out of the way… but his feet were caught in the mud! “Char?” Chimchar looked down at his feet and struggled against the mud, attempting to move, but just as he got his feet free, the Rock Throw connected, hitting the Fire-type dead-on. Chimchar cried out in pain and flew backwards, slamming into the mud-soaked ground. The monkey got to his feet, but that attack had obviously hurt a lot.

“This won’t last much longer,” Hayden said with a grin. “Geodude, get close with Rapid Spin!” Geodude launched forward, spinning so as to counter any attack that Chimchar might use.

“Chimchar, Flamethrower!” the other trainer cried desperately. Chimchar looked as worried as his trainer, but let loose the fire stream straight at Geodude. Geodude spun right through it, unaffected, and got closer and closer to his opponent.

“Now, Geodude!” Hayden shouted. “Mega Punch!”

“DUDE!!!” Geodude cried, exiting the Rapid Spin with a Mega Punch fully charged. He swung down hard, slamming into Chimchar full force and crushing the Fire-type against the ground. Chimchar cried out in pain, and then lay still, unconscious, and out of the battle.

“Yeah!” Hayden shouted, grinning at Geodude. “You did it, buddy! Great job!”

“No way…” Chimchar’s trainer breathed, staring on in disbelief. He held up his Poke ball and aimed it at Chimchar, recalling the Fire-type. “We did our best, Chimchar.” He looked up at Hayden and smiled. “We have no regrets. Go on and face your third opponent.” The trainer walked down the bridge, avoiding the muddy ground, passing Hayden and making his way back to Cerulean City. Geodude grinned widely and bounced over to Hayden.

“Dude, dude, dude,” the Rock-type said in a sing-song voice, stopping in front of Hayden with a giant smile on his face.

“Yeah, you were great, Geodude,” Hayden said, laughing and reaching out a hand to his Pokemon. “Ready for the next challenge?”

“Dude,” Geodude said with a grin, and shook the hand that Hayden offered him.

Looks like we’ll get along fine after all, Hayden thought, and grinned just as widely as Geodude. The two continued on together, moving along the bridge to the next trainer.

“Down here!” a female voice called as Hayden was walking on the bridge.

“Huh?” Hayden asked.

“Dude?” Geodude asked, looking as confused as Hayden. Hayden went over to the railing of the bridge and looked around.

“Not up, down here!” the voice called again, from below Hayden. He looked down and saw a girl, about his age, waving up to him from a small, grassy island below Nugget Bridge. She had short black hair, and wore jeans and a button-up white shirt. Her feet were bare, and her pants were rolled halfway up her calves.

“Are you the next trainer I’m supposed to fight?” Hayden asked.

“Yup,” the girl answered, smiling. “My name’s Becca. What’s yours?”

“Hayden.” Hayden looked around for a way to get to the island. “Um… how am I supposed to get down there?”

“Just jump,” Becca replied, giggling. “It’s not that far.”

“Um… sure,” Hayden said, eyeing the distance hesitantly. He turned to Geodude. “What do you say… huh? Hey, wait!” Geodude vaulted over the railing with a triumphant cry, landing right next to Becca.

“Your Pokemon looks confident,” Becca said, laughing. “What about you?”

Hayden sighed. “Here goes,” he said, and leaped over the railing, jumping straight down to the island below. It wasn’t as far a fall as it looked, Hayden realized, and the grassy landing was really soft, cushioning his fall. He stood up as Geodude joined him. “So, where’s your Pokemon?”

“Oh yeah,” Becca said, smiling sheepishly. “I almost forgot.” She pulled a Poke ball from her belt and threw it towards the water. “Go, Horsea!” The ball burst open and released its Pokemon into the water next to the island. Becca’s Horsea was a small, blue sea horse with tiny wings on its back and a hose-like snout instead of a mouth, almost like an elephant’s trunk, but shorter. The Horsea emitted a cute, high-pitched cry and swam back and forth happily in the water.

“A Horsea?” Hayden asked, looking down at Geodude hesitantly. “Maybe you should sit this one out, pal.”

“Dude!” Geodude protested, glaring at Hayden and shaking his head. Hayden sighed and shook his head.

“Guess we’re not that close yet,” he said. “All right, Geodude’s my Pokemon for this battle.”

“Sounds great!” Becca said, stepping aside to clear room between Geodude on the island and Horsea in the water. “Let’s get this battle started!”

“Geodude, Rock Throw!” Hayden shouted. Geodude glared at him, and Hayden noticed he was charging up a Mega Punch. “What? No, Geodude, not Mega Punch! You can’t! If you go in the water, you’ll sink! You could die!”

“Dude,” Geodude replied, opening his fist and slumping his shoulders.

“Come on, let’s just finish this quick,” Hayden said. “Rock Throw!”

“Dude!” Geodude shouted, hurling forward two fist-sized rocks at Horsea.

“Sea!” Horsea cried, swimming to the side to evade the rocks.

“Horsea, Water Gun!” Becca commanded. Horsea lunged forward, sending a jet of water from its snout straight at Geodude.

“Geodude, Rapid Spin!” Hayden called. Geodude twisted into a spin, but couldn’t shake off the Water Gun, falling backwards and crying out in pain. “You all right, Geodude?”

“Dude,” Geodude said, nodding and facing Horsea. He began to charge up Mega Punch once again.

“No, Geodude!” Hayden shouted. “Just listen to me, you can’t! Just follow my lead and we can get this over with quickly. Trust me!” Geodude sighed, but opened his fist and waited for Hayden’s command. “Try Rock Throw again!”

“Horsea, dodge it and use Bubble!” Geodude threw his rocks at Horsea again, but the small Water-type dodged them and fired a stream of small bubbles at Geodude.

“Geodude, Rapid Spin out of the way!” Hayden called. Geodude complied, going into a tight spin and just barely avoiding Horsea’s attack. “Now use Rock Throw continuously in the spin!” Geodude stayed spinning, and started throwing rocks out of the spin again and again, with the speed of the Rapid Spin also increasing the speed of the throws!

“Horsea, underwater, now!” Becca commanded. Horsea dove into the water, and the rocks went whizzing over its head.

“Geodude, come out of the spin and wait for Horsea to pop up!” Hayden called. Geodude stopped spinning and waited, looking agitated. Geodude wants to finish this quick, Hayden thought. I don’t think he likes fighting Horsea. It’s small and looks pretty weak. I don’t think Geodude likes fighting an opponent like that.

“Horsea, Water Gun!” Becca commanded. Horsea leapt out of the water into the air and fired a stream of water at Geodude.

“Now’s your chance, Geodude!” Hayden shouted. “It’s vulnerable in the air, so use Rock Throw!”

“DUDE!!!” Geodude screamed, leaping into the air right around the Water Gun, his fist glowing with white light.

“Geodude, no!” Hayden cried, watching in horror as Geodude disobeyed his commands, lunging for the vulnerable Horsea.

“Horsea, watch out!” Becca cried, but it was no use. Even with wings, Horsea had no mobility in the air, and was completely open to Geodude’s attack. Geodude landed the Mega Punch at full power, sending Horsea flying to land in the water, floating on the surface, unconscious.

Meanwhile… Geodude fell like the rock that he was, straight into the water!

“Geodude!” Hayden cried in horror as Geodude disappeared beneath the surface of the water with a huge splash. “No!” He ran to the edge of the island and dove, plunging headfirst into the cool, refreshing water. He wasn’t even thinking, he was just reacting, and he knew that Geodude was in danger… and he wasn’t about to let one of his Pokemon die, even if he had to risk his own life to save them. He pumped his arms, swimming to the bottom where his Geodude lay, panicking and unable to swim up. The river was about nine feet deep, thankfully, because any deeper and Hayden probably wouldn’t have a chance of saving Geodude. He reached the bottom, and he and Geodude both acknowledged each other with a look, and then he wrapped his arms around his Pokemon, twisted to place his feet against the ground, and pushed up as hard as he could, desperately hoping he would reach the surface.

He did. He breached the surface of the water and flung Geodude up and over the riverbed, onto the island, then clambered up after him, and lay soaking wet and gasping for breath beside him for a moment.

“You okay, buddy?” he asked, looking over at Geodude.

“Dude,” Geodude said weakly, his eyes half open, and he put a hand forward, giving Hayden a feeble thumbs up.

Continued in next post...
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Last edited by KantoChamp46; 09-07-2009 at 08:18 PM.
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  #39  
Old 08-24-2009, 05:57 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 6!)

Continued from last post

“Good,” Hayden said, smiling. “Next time, though… try and listen to me, okay? I’ll do anything for you, but I don’t want to have to be diving into rivers every couple of battles.” He laughed weakly, and Geodude chuckled with him, and Hayden held out his Poke ball. “Take a good, long rest, pal. You earned it.” A beam of red light shot from the Poke ball, recalling Geodude back into the warm, dry interior of the sphere. Hayden stood, shaking his head and looking at Becca, who was staring at him in disbelief.

“I can’t believe it,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ve seen dedication for your Pokemon, but you took it to the next level. That was amazing.”

“What else was I supposed to do?” Hayden asked, laughing. He looked at the Poke ball on her belt and let out a sigh. “So, do I lose, then?”

“No,” Becca said with an enthusiastic shake of her head. “Geodude was still conscious when you brought him out of the river, so you won. You get to go on to the next trainer.”

“I don’t think so,” an older, male voice said. Becca and Hayden both turned to look at the speaker, a trainer probably a year or two older than Hayden, with a black shirt, black pants, a red jacket, and spiked up, dark brown hair. “That was a draw. Both Geodude and Horsea were unable to battle at the end. And in the event of a draw, the challenger loses the Nugget Bridge Challenge.”

“Hang on, Jake,” Becca protested, stepping towards the trainer. “Geodude knocked out my Horsea before he fell into the water, so he had already won the battle before Hayden had to rescue him.”

Jake shrugged. “That’s irrelevant,” he said. “Both Geodude and Horsea were unable to battle.”

“But she’s right,” Hayden said. “Geodude won before he fell in the water.”

“Who do you think you are?” Jake asked, eyeing Hayden coolly. Hayden didn’t like the tone of voice he used with him just then – this guy was talking down to him, and Hayden wasn’t going to take it. “I’m in charge of the Nugget Bridge Challenge. If your own Pokemon can’t even follow your commands, how would you expect to get past the next trainer? And only after facing the next trainer would you be able to fight me for the prize. I assure you, there is no way you’d be able to beat me.”

“How about we find out?” Hayden asked, pulling a Poke ball from his belt. This wasn’t fair, not in the slightest, and he wasn’t going to be given an unfair loss.

Jake laughed, shrugging, and raising his hands as he did so. “Really?” he asked. “Do you want to go there, punk?”

“Who are you calling a punk?” Hayden shot back. “I think you’re just scared of losing.”

“Not in the least,” Jake said, shaking his head. He flashed Hayden a crooked smile and turned around, pointing to a set of stairs leading back up to the bridge. “Come on, we’ll fight on the bridge. If you can manage to beat me, maybe then you’ll have my respect. Trust me, though, that’s not going to happen.”

“You’re on,” Hayden said, following Jake up the stairs and back onto Nugget Bridge. They made their way to the far end of the bridge, and took positions opposite each other, each with a Poke ball in hand.

“The same rules apply as before,” Jake said. “This will be a one-on-one battle, but I let you skip the fourth trainer, so if you beat me, you win the challenge.” He shrugged, a smug smirk across his face. “Not like that’s gonna happen, though.”

“Let’s do this,” Hayden said, and threw his Poke ball forward. “Go, Bulbasaur!” Bulbasaur’s my starter Pokemon. If I can count on anyone for this battle, it’s definitely him. Bulbasaur came out of the Poke ball and let out a battle cry, taking his position in front of Hayden.

“Hmph. You should have let me pick first,” Jake said. “You’ll be sorry, now. Go, Charmeleon!” He threw forward his Poke ball, and out came a Charmeleon, the evolved form of Charmander. He stood about three and-a-half feet tall, and his skin was a much deeper red color than Charmander’s. His snout was more pointed, and he had a red hornlike crest on top of his head. To top it off, he had large, white claws on his hands and feet, and much fiercer eyes than his pre-evolved form.

Great, Hayden thought. A Fire-type, and he’s evolved, to boot. Well, it doesn’t matter. Bulbasaur’s fought tough battles before, and as long as we play our cards right, we’ll be able to win. “Don’t worry, Bulbasaur,” Hayden called. “We can win this.”

“Your move first,” Jake said, tapping his foot impatiently.

“My pleasure,” Hayden said. “Bulbasaur, Leech Seed!”

“Saur!” Bulbasaur cried, launching a small seed out of his bulb at Charmeleon.

“Slash,” Jake commanded with a lazy wave of his hand. Charmeleon grinned and slashed upward, shattering the Leech Seed in midair, rendering it useless.

“No way,” Hayden breathed. “He’s strong and fast.” He gritted his teeth. “Bulbasaur, Vine Whip!”

“Bulba!” Bulbasaur cried, standing his ground and lashing forward with two thick vines.

“Charmeleon, knock them aside,” Jake said, and Charmeleon slapped the Vine Whip aside with his claws. “Now, use Flamethrower.”

“Meleon,” Charmeleon said, and opened his mouth, spitting forth a powerful stream of fire at Bulbasaur.

“Bulbasaur, dodge it and use Razor Leaf!” Bulbasaur jumped aside, barely evading the Flamethrower, and then fired two razor sharp leaves at Charmeleon.

“Burn them to a crisp,” Jake said. Charmeleon fired another Flamethrower, and turned the Razor Leaf to ash.

Shoot, Hayden thought. He’s making all of my moves ineffective. What do I do?

“Now, get in close and use Crush Claw,” Jake said.

“Char!” Charmeleon cried, leaping through the air and raising his claw, which began to glow with white light.

“Bulbasaur, dodge it!” Hayden shouted. Bulbasaur jumped out of the way just in time, but Charmeleon landed right next to him, attack still charged, and smiled before slashing the Crush Claw attack right along Bulbasaur’s side.

“Bulbasaur!” Bulbasaur cried, flying through the air and landing on his side.

“Bulbasaur, no!” Hayden shouted. His starter rose shakily to his feet, wincing in pain and gritting his teeth. “Come on, you’re still in this. Use Razor Leaf!”

Jake tsked Hayden and waved a warning finger. “Didn’t you try that already?” he asked, just as Charmeleon burned the Razor Leaf with another Flamethrower. “Just face it, you can’t win. Charmeleon’s just too strong for a little Bulbasaur to take on.”

“Oh, no you didn’t,” Hayden said, just loud enough for him and Bulbasaur to hear. Bulbasaur looked over at Hayden and nodded, and Hayden grinned back at him. “Come on, Bulbasaur, let’s show him what we’ve got! Jump up with Vine Whip!”

“Saur!” Bulbasaur cried, pushing his Vine Whip against the ground to launch himself into the air.

“Now, use Leech Seed, and follow it with two Razor Leaf attacks!” Hayden commanded. Bulbasaur fired the Leech Seed out of his bulb and then sent four razor sharp leaves flying right behind it, in a wide formation, spreading them out so that one Flamethrower wouldn’t hit all of them.

“Ooh, how dramatic,” Jake said mockingly, feigning surprise. “Charmeleon, burn them all!”

“Char!” Charmeleon cried, letting loose a Flamethrower. The attack burned two leaves and the Leech Seed, but Charmeleon had to fire another Flamethrower to take care of the other Razor Leaf. Seemingly just a nuisance, but to Hayden, it gave him and Bulbasaur all the time they needed.

“Vine Whip, and follow it with a Tackle!” Hayden shouted. Jake looked up in surprise, and realized that Bulbasaur had landed while Charmeleon was firing off his second Flamethrower, giving Bulbasaur all the time in the world to charge forward, lashing at Charmeleon with a Vine Whip attack.

“Meleon!” Charmeleon cried in pain as both vines connected, and then cried out again as Bulbasaur tackled him headfirst, sending him flying across the battlefield. Charmeleon landed heavily on his side, and took a few moments to stand back up, wincing painfully.

“That’s the way, Bulbasaur!” Hayden cried. “Now, use Leech Seed!”

“Not so fast,” Jake said, gritting his teeth, finally seeming to get into the battle. “Charmeleon, Crush Claw! Shatter that seed!”

“Saur!” Bulbasaur cried, launching his Leech Seed, which Charmeleon proceeded to shatter with a Crush Claw. Charmeleon continued forward, charging right at Bulbasaur, claw raised to strike.

“Bulbasaur, jump over him with Vine Whip!” Hayden commanded, and Bulbasaur used his Vine Whip-assisted jump to flip over Charmeleon, landing behind the Fire Pokemon. “Now hit him with Vine Whip!”

“Charmeleon, knock them away and use Flamethrower!” Jake shouted. Charmeleon turned as Bulbasaur lashed at him with Vine Whip, and managed to knock away both vines just in time before letting loose a Flamethrower.

“No!” Hayden shouted, but the distance was too close and there was no room for Bulbasaur to dodge. The Grass-type was hit nearly point-blank by the fire attack, and was sent flying through the air to land in a heap at the edge of the bridge.

“Bulbasaur, you okay?” Hayden asked, desperately hoping that Bulbasaur would stand up. Slowly, painfully, Bulbasaur rose to his feet, and looked over at Hayden, just barely flashing a reassuring grin. He’d taken the hit, and somehow, some way, Bulbasaur was still in this.

“Yeah, that’s right!” Hayden cheered. “Razor Leaf, then dodge to the side and wrap him up with Vine Whip!”

“Charmeleon, burn that Razor Leaf!” Jake shouted. Bulbasaur launched his Razor Leaf and jumped to the side, sending out his Vine Whip as Charmeleon burned the Razor Leaf with Flamethrower. Charmeleon turned just in time to knock the vines away… but, to Hayden’s surprise, the Fire-type grabbed the vines instead!

“Bulbasaur!” Hayden shouted, staring on as Bulbasaur was left powerless to act, his vines stuck in the claws of Charmeleon.

“Flamethrower, Charmeleon,” Jake said, resuming his cocky smile. “Looks like this battle’s over.”

“Bulbasaur, jump up!” Hayden commanded. Bulbasaur jumped as Charmeleon breathed a stream of fire, and Bulbasaur managed to leap just over the attack, leaving himself unscathed. “Now, reel in and use Tackle!”

“Saur!” Bulbasaur cried, reeling in the vines that were now in Charmeleon’s hands, giving him extra power and speed as he was flung towards Charmeleon.

“Flamethrower!” Jake shouted, watching on in horror. Charmeleon opened his mouth as Bulbasaur closed the distance between them, and let loose one more blast of fiery breath. It hit Bulbasaur dead on, but Bulbasaur still reeled himself in, taking the flames and slamming into Charmeleon with a powered up Tackle attack. Charmeleon let go of Bulbasaur’s vines and the two Pokemon were flung apart from each other, Bulbasaur landing shakily on his feet, and Charmeleon crashing onto his side. Bulbasaur swayed, his eyes drooping, and Hayden knew he was about to lose consciousness.

Just hang in there, Bulbasaur, Hayden thought desperately, watching as Jake’s Charmeleon began to struggle to his feet. Just a little bit longer.

“Charmeleon, get up!” Jake shouted, both his hands balled into fists, his whole body tense as he watched his Pokemon attempt to get up.

The attacks exchanged between Bulbasaur and Charmeleon had taken their toll on both Pokemon. But, in the end, it was Bulbasaur who remained standing, as Charmeleon fell back to the ground, and lay still.

“Ye-hea!” Hayden cried, pumping his fist in the air and running to Bulbasaur, taking the saurian Pokemon up into his arms in triumph. “You did it, Bulbasaur! You gave it your all, and you won!”

“Saur,” Bulbasaur said weakly, smiling and nuzzling in close to Hayden.

“Charmeleon, return,” Jake said, recalling Charmeleon to his Poke ball. He smiled, shook his head, and looked up at Hayden and Bulbasaur. “I gotta say, that was some battle. You two sure showed me.” He shrugged, and pulled a golden orb out of his pocket. “So, since you beat me, this golden nugget is yours, as promised.” He crossed the distance between him and Hayden and held out the nugget, which Hayden took with a smile.

“Thanks,” Hayden said, then held up the nugget for Bulbasaur to see. “Check it out, Bulbasaur. That’s some prize, huh?”

“Saur, bulba,” Bulbasaur said, nodding. Hayden grinned, recalled Bulbasaur to his Poke ball, and headed back across Nugget Bridge.

His next stop? The Pokemon Center, and then, the Cerulean Gym. It was about time to win his second badge.

And that's a wrap! Let me know what y'all think. :)
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Last edited by KantoChamp46; 09-07-2009 at 08:19 PM.
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Old 08-26-2009, 12:29 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 7 is IN DA HOUSE!!!)

Awesome Chapter KC!!! Those battles were intense!!! The battes and chapter overall flowed really really well. I'm glad that Hayden and Geodude are starting to get along now. I can't wait to see what happens next!!!
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Old 08-26-2009, 01:41 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 7 is IN DA HOUSE!!!)

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Awesome Chapter KC!!! Those battles were intense!!! The battes and chapter overall flowed really really well. I'm glad that Hayden and Geodude are starting to get along now. I can't wait to see what happens next!!!
Wow, thanks. You couldn't find anything wrong with it? I don't mean grammatically - some people don't like editing for grammar, and that's all cool - but like storywise, battlewise, flowwise, anything? Even the littlest thing? I really wasn't so sure about this chapter - I mean, the battles are fun and all but I guess I didn't really feel like a lot happened - like it was more just necessary development for Hayden and his Pokemon. Guess I was wrong? Lol it's totally cool if you can't find anything you didn't like, I just wanted to ask. I'm glad you are still liking it, though!
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Old 08-26-2009, 02:07 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 7 is IN DA HOUSE!!!)

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Wow, thanks. You couldn't find anything wrong with it? I don't mean grammatically - some people don't like editing for grammar, and that's all cool - but like storywise, battlewise, flowwise, anything? Even the littlest thing? I really wasn't so sure about this chapter - I mean, the battles are fun and all but I guess I didn't really feel like a lot happened - like it was more just necessary development for Hayden and his Pokemon. Guess I was wrong? Lol it's totally cool if you can't find anything you didn't like, I just wanted to ask. I'm glad you are still liking it, though!
Nope, I can't find anything wrong with it. I couldn't find any grammatical errors, but I can read through again and look. But flow-wise/battle-wise/story-wise, I couldn't find anything wrong. It all flowed really well. And that's totally fine that you wanted to focus on character developement or the like on Hayden and his pokemon. After all, character developement is a big part of a story, so focusing on that is just as important as the plot.
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Old 09-02-2009, 01:27 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 7 is IN DA HOUSE!!!)

Just an update (to whatever readers are left lol)

I had an entire plot summary laid out before beginning this project, but have recently been revising it and changing many things that happen and the general flow of the plot. Basically, after the next chapter, hopefully it's going to start to drift away from the "cookie-cutter trainer plot" and turn into something more exciting and interesting. I am finishing up the battle for the Cascade Badge (yup, another badge coming up =D) and then I am trying to weave the villains I have planned out more into the plot and really start to turn this into what I've been wanting it to be. So... hopefully those of you who were bored with a regular trainer plot will stick around long enough to see things start up for real, and hopefully those of you who have enjoyed it this far will still enjoy it once things start to change. Hayden's still going to be getting badges and going to the Pokemon League, but it's going to (hopefully, again) be more interesting and original than just gathering badges and being all happy go lucky trainers =P

No, I'm not changing it just because of perceived criticism or anything, I have just been revising my plot ideas to more fully fit my vision of this story. Hopefully my inspiration won't dwindle and I'll still be able to write new chapters fairly frequently. Thanks, those of you who have been reading, and if any of you have been reading this far and haven't posted any responses... shame on you! lol just kidding, but it is always nice to see what people think, so if you're an invisible reader, it would be nice to know about you :) Thanks to all (however few you are) who've been reading, and I hope I can keep you interested!
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Old 09-02-2009, 03:15 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 7 is IN DA HOUSE!!!)

That's great that you're working on the plot KC! If you think you can make the story better by changing some things, then by all means, go right ahead! I'm sure it'll be worth the read in the end!! Can't wait till you post the next chapter and see what the battle for the Cascade Badge'll be like!!
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Old 09-05-2009, 09:07 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Becoming a Master (Chapter 7 is IN DA HOUSE!!!)

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Hayden stopped dead in his tracks at the snotty, bratty voice that he’d hoped he’d never hear again.
This does make sense, but it would sound better if the first 'he'd' was just 'he'.

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Maybe because I’m better than you? He thought, but he didn’t say it.
He should have. xD
If this is you saying "bla bla bla, he thought", then you need a lowercase 'H', but if it's saying that he thought it rather than saying it, then leave it. ^^

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Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
Hayden opened his eyes and looked up to see his sister Klaire standing in line to hand over her Pokemon for healing.
Should really be: "looked up to see his sister, Klaire, standing in line to hand over her Pokemon for healing". Well, actually, I'd get rid of 'Klaire'. x3 (And the commas. xD)

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Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
“Good to see you, too, Hayden,”
No comma after 'you'. :P It's too tedious and you don't have to have a comma before 'too'. Sometimes I do, but it's not necessary, I reckon. :P

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Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
Pikachu shrugged, and said absently “Chu,” and went back to shuffling his feet.
You need a comma after 'absently'. :3

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Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
Hayden groaned. “Nora? Is that the best name you could come up with?”
What's wrong with the name 'Nora' (aside from it maybe doesn't suit a Mankey)? It's a pretty name. x3 And OMGawsh, I swear I had a Mankey called Nora once in a first gen game!! xD

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He was a little angry at Klaire for going so hard on Pikachu when she was the one who wanted to help it regain confidence, but then he realized that if Pikachu didn’t win a battle against Mankey trying its hardest, then what was the point?
He! He he he he he! Not 'it'!

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Pikachu was, too, but Hayden honestly couldn’t tell who was faster at the moment.
I don't reckon you need a comma after that first 'was'.

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Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
Pikachu once more fired off a Thundershock, and once more Nora dodged it at Klaire’s command. That Mankey was fast. Pikachu was, too, but Hayden honestly couldn’t tell who was faster at the moment.

“Nora, Fury Swipes!” Klaire called. Nora charged forward and once more, her attack connected as she clawed at Pikachu with both hands. Pikachu cried out in pain and was knocked flying once again. He lay on the ground for a moment, but then once again regained his footing. Hayden was proud of Pikachu fighting this hard, but could tell that, with the beating he was taking, his confidence was starting to waver.

“Pikachu, you’re doing great, just hang in there!” Hayden called to encourage him.

“Nora, Karate Chop!” Klaire commanded, and her Mankey charged forward once again, bringing her arm back to strike.
Repeating repeating repeating ourselves a bit, are we? The first two 'once again's were good since it was in the right context and mixing on purpose together, but after you just did it too much. D:

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She was definitely hurt, now, but it was going to take a lot more to finish this Pokemon off.
No comma before 'now'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
Pikachu smiled and glowed again, rushing past Klaire’s Pokemon as it went for a Karate Chop.
SHE. As SHE went for a Karate Chop!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
Pikachu cried, smiling, but then swayed on its feet.
I'm NOT gonna point it out again.

NEXT POST

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Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
Bulbasaur retracted his vines and fire several green, razor sharp leaves from the sides of its bulb.
Should be 'fired'.

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Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
You’ve gotten better, too, ya know.”
No comma before 'too'. :3

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Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
“Well, I guess it’s down to one,” Klaire said. She picked a Poke ball from her belt. “Go,
Zulu!”
You have 'Zulu' on a new line. Should be on the same line. ^^

Quote:
Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
“Just send out your next Pokemon, already!”

Pretty sure there doesn't need to be a comma near the end there.
Ah huh! Finally got around to finishing this one chapter. But then again--better late than never! I was going to read the next chapter first before posting stuff from this one, but I thought that I should get all this out of the Word doc I had to copy and paste onto (so I don't lose my marking work each time I go to read this! xD). I really liked the chapter, but I was a little disappointed to see Hayden winning all three rounds. However, it wasn't really predictable, I'll give you that. xD Well, how the battles went were also not very predictable, either.
I liked the description and the attack choice and strategies, etc, and I love Klaire's nicknames! xD I don't have a problem with them personally, but that's probably because I would prefer to name a Pokemon than call it by their species name (but I know the reason Hayden doesn't--don't think I'm complaining or anything! ^^').

It's good they got to join up, and I'll be looking forward to the long chapter six I have to read!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KantoChamp46 View Post
Hey Xanthe! Thanks for looking over Chapters 3 and 4! I went back and fixed all the things you pointed out, except for the one part that you called "grammar fail." I'm pretty sure that sentence is right... I can't see anything wrong with it, anyway, except that maybe it's confusingly worded. Maybe. It sounds fine to me. What made it seem wrong to you? Sorry if that makes me seem like an idiot, but I'm really not seeing a grammatical error with it.

And yeah, I saw Charmander's comment about Charlie and his Poke ball. I realize I didn't reply to that comment, but I did go back and fix it, I promise! He doesn't get recalled to his Poke ball twice anymore =P

Thanks for the comment about the genders... I realized that and in Chapter Six I started fixing that, but I haven't gone back to fix it in Chapters I've already posted. I'm gonna work on that today, so maybe tomorrow go back and check it if you want and see if I did a good job with it. :) And yeah, I know that all of Hayden's Pokemon are currently male, but don't worry, it's not going to stay that way! Obviously I'm not going to say what other Pokemon he captures, so as to keep it a surprise, but you can rest assured that he will capture some female Pokemon down the road. There'll be some surprises, you'll see. ;)

About Hayden vs. Ash... I think it's just going to take time to distance the two. I think it just takes time for the character and his team of Pokemon to develop, and I think part of the "similarity" is just his team so far, but you may be surprised to see how his final team ends up. Maybe.

I'm glad you think this story is going to go somewhere... I certainly think so! I'm working on developing my villains for the story, and they get introduced in Chapter Six, though they don't get a whole lot of prominence for a little while yet. Well, they're a big part of Chapter Six, but after that, they don't get much prominence for a while other than development. But yeah, it's not going to be just a standard trainer fic. At least, if all goes as planned. :) Let's hope I don't disappoint!

PS - Xanthe, you are seriously comma-crazy, lol. =P It's all good, though! Just saying, that's one thing I've noticed that you always seem to point out - too many commas, not enough, not in the right places, it's all about commas, isn't it? Haha thanks though for pointing those little things out, a lot of people would miss that.
No worries. xD Yeah...it wasn't a grammar phail at all. I looked over it and there was nothing wrong with it. xD I probably wasn't focusing at the time or something. And you're not an idiot. xD I am! It's worded perfectly, just forget I ever pointed it out. xD

Oh, good. And lol, let's hope not for the sake of making-senseness. xD

Okay, that's all good. xD Just like to point things out so you can think about them a little. ^^ And hehe, I'll be looking forward to new Pokemon he and Klaire catch(es)! And they better be female. >:3 xD

Yeah, haha, just saying so you're aware. I know it'll change and stuff, and I expect that. :3 But in some respects they're similar. But then again--can you really have so many differences when they're both male trainers on their ways to the same towns with the same Pokemon available (almost). ^^

Cool! I can't wait to meet them! :D (Although, of course, I probably - naturally - wouldn't like them since they'll be villains. xD) Yes, I think you have something going here. ^^ I'll be able to clarify that once I get a move on read the next two chapters.

Well, duh! xD I have to be if I'm gonna do an in-depth review. :3 EVERY DROP COUNTS...no, wait... EVERY MISTAKE NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED. :D No worries. ^^ And I take that as a compliment! :D

~Xanthe.

EDIT: Great that you, like Shion said, are going over the plot and trying your hardest to modify your ideas. ^^ Good luck with everything! :D Hopefully I can keep following with this. >:D
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