View Single Post
Old 04-08-2007, 07:14 PM
Kaze's Avatar
Kaze Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,596
Send a message via AIM to Kaze Send a message via Yahoo to Kaze
Exclamation Re: [ untitled fanfiction // preview ]

Originally Posted by Deathspector View Post
Firstly, your description with little words is all very nice, but it's also very unnatural. Your writing style, as I've seen in Reflection, is more suited for deep and powerful descriptions. You do that in minutes. But using few words effectively is a technique very few people have mastered. If you're looking for quick description that won't bother the action (my next point) try reading one of the Artemis Fowl books by Eion Colfer. They're not long, and take about 24 hours to finish and enjoy. They're witty, and use very little description. he conjures up a picture using very few words, and I never felt that I don't know what something looks like while reading his books. They're very, very good, that way.

Meh. I know what you mean. ^_^; I'll keep adding in description. I've already looked over the story and edited it after posting this.

And now, onto the action. No offense, Kaze, but it's a bit bland. I know I'm being a bit mean and all, but just to tell you, that this sort of action (the way you're writing it now), needs a little more hype to it. Less description about how the Zigzagoon moves, but more about what Whiteash is thinking when the Zigzagoon. But apart from that, it's pretty good.
I'll keep that in mind. This was just a bit of the first chapter, and I'm doing as much editing as I can. But, yes, I see what you mean...

Reading it over would help, 'cause I caught this.

Contrdiction. I'm sure it was accidental, and it's nothing much.
I've read it over during the weekend while I was adding more to it. I've changed it. I have a bad habit of waiting until I read over it. It's easier to catch mistakes if you've waited a little while...

Anyway, on to my own opinions. Personally, I like it. I've always liked the way you write, and like how quickly you maange to keep the posts coming. You have skill, and you're using it. It's good. I'm looking forward to readin this. Oh, and on title, how about "Disaster Sense". Meh...I've never ben good at this kind of stuff...XD

I'm glad you like it. I was reading some of your fics, too, and they're awesome...

Originally Posted by Kitty-chan View Post
*grins* Another story from you! ^.^ I'm gonna make sure to read it, it sounds really interesting.

As for making it original. You could always permanently kill off a main character. *ducks under a desk* Or not, I haven't done it before, so I don't know if the readers would like that. Hmm. It's kinda tough now to find something original, with the amount of stories out there. But you could always make a twist on something less origanal. Sorry I don't have a better example.

As for a title, how about something to do with the traits of the main characters?
*evil grin* Killing off main characters, eh? I've already thought about that... I'm thinking about the main plot before I make twists.

And, for the title... I'm still thinking, but I might use one of the main character's names. I'll keep "Disaster Sense" in mind, Deathspector. XD
Reply With Quote