Chapter 15: Steven Stone
My Bonnie is over the ocean,
My Bonnie is over the sea.
My Bonnie’s at Rustboro City,
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.
Bring back, bring back
Oh bring back my Bonnie to meeeeee
Bring back, bring back
My dear sweetheart Bonnie to meeee.
I smiled as I read over this magnificently composed poem that I, Steven Stone, the CHAMPION, wrote, to none other than the daughter of the Devon CEO, Bonnie. I read over it again, pleased at its original stanzas and beautifully curved E’s. Drifting off into what seemed like an ephemeral daydream, I sat up suddenly from my bed of rock where I was reading my letter, realizing an important part was missing, and in a few seconds I remembered what that was – a beautiful signature of me, Steven Stone, the CHAMPION. Slipping my royal-blue fountain pen out of my right pocket, I signed the letter, letting the letters flow and curve freely on the cardboard until I halted the pen at the final curvy E. I, Steven Stone, the CHAMPION, love Bonnie with a passion that none of you shallow readers may imagine, and thus in turn will not understand the depth of the poem. And who says I can’t write a poem? All my previous English teachers did, but all I have to do is believe in myself, and I can do anything. Apparently I believe in myself.
I immersed myself in the somewhat narcissist but certainly calming thoughts as I lay back down on my bed of rock. I have a feeling one of these days will be more than just a training day….
“We’re here!” announced Mr. Briney as the troupe pulled up on the shores of Dewford Island. The sand on the beach was a lovely cream-white, and the sun reflected joyfully off the sea to make it appear like one perfectly cut sapphire. Ahead, a little to the east, the humble town, dotted with little red-roofed wooden lodges, was in sight. But what was right in front of them was the pitch black, gaping mouth of a cave – most likely the cave that Bonnie’s boyfriend, Steven, was training in. “What a lovely, lovely place contrasted by such dark void,” commented Shupster dreamily.
“Why do you always talk about void, Shupster?” asked Cassidy.
“Interesting word, it is, isn’t it?” replied Shupster, swiveling his head and scanning his glowing eyes across the scene. “Look at this landscape. So pristine, so pure. Oh, ew, fishermen. Anyway, isn’t it hard to imagine, if you’ve never ever seen these places before, that anything this dark, this mysterious, exists here? That’s void.”
Butch turned. “You realize there’s a fisherman in our presence, right?”
“Loads of them. Look at ‘em. SICK, man.”
“No, I’m talking about EGBERT.”
Shupster stopped dead. “Aw sh-…. Aw…. Oops.” He grinned sheepishly at Mr. Briney, who had crossed his arms over his chest and was scowling. “Well anyways, I can’t wait to see that Steven guy. How the HECK did he get that Bonnie girl? I mean, that’s going to take looks, charisma, charm and three thousand bucks. Come on, let’s go in.”
“Wait, don’t we need food or water?” asked Butch.
“It’s not going to take forever, Butch,” said Cassidy. “I bet you probably step in, and you’re on the other side already.”
“That doesn’t explain the void,” said Shupster darkly. He brightened up as fast as he replied. “So no food or water except May’s three lunches and her single bottle of kool-aid? All-righty! Let’s pop inside for a spell!” He blinked. “Did I just crack the lamest joke of all time?”
“Stop taking up page space and GO! Bye, Egbert,” yelled Cassidy, beckoning to Mr. Briney and pushing Butch and Shupster headlong into the mouth of the cave.
A strange eerie sensation settled over the three as they were engulfed in the possessing darkness. It felt like all the emotions of the bellowing sea were resonating through this smallish, rocky room. It was almost as if the sea was singing, whistling a sad tune. Shupster’s smooth, silky voice drifted into the song. “Now this is void.”
Pretty soon, however, their eyes became accustomed to the darkness and it was possible to see just how small the room was, and a stone stair in the corner leading down. “So this is a layer-ish cave, eh?” said Butch.
“I would call it floors,” said Cassidy as she gingerly stepped to the staircase, her shoes making a little echo. “Okay, I’m going down. C’mon, hurry up. This looks pretty scary.” Butch and Shupster dashed over. “Shupster,” said Cassidy firmly, “you’re going to have to get in a Pokeball. I don’t want anything bothering me with stupid comments.”
“Wha? Oh…fine,” Shupster obliged. “It’s for the sake of seeing Steven anyway.” Cassidy took a spare Pokeball from the bag, and Shupster disappeared in the last flash of light the three would see for the next twenty-six hours.
“Grab the bag, Butch,” shouted Cassidy. “We don’t want to lose May’s lunches.” Butch grabbed the bag, which was still slung over Cassidy’s shoulders. “NO! Take it OFF me!” yelled Cassidy, who seemed to be losing her balance on the steps, in panic.
“Gah, you didn’t make that clearrrRRRRRRRR!!!!” yelled Butch back as Cassidy completely lost her balance and plunged into the darkness below. And since Butch was holding on to the bag that was on her shoulders, he of course went down as well – a good explanation for the extended R.
And then, nothing except a low whistle from Shupster from his Pokeball. “This beats void...”
From two floors above me, I heard a sudden CLEARRRRR and two GAHHHs followed by one large THUMP. Probably just another of those brainless spelunkers without a Flash Pokemon. Annoying people, they are. Don’t they know I, Steven Stone, the CHAMPION, is trying to train in here? I, Steven Stone, the CHAMPION, crossed my legs in a faint similarity to an Indian mediator and commanded my Beldum to attack the Aron with a Psychic attack. Wild Arons are unbelievably weak. They do not even seem to have a brain in their heads. Of course, my trained Aron can defecate on those losers with his eyes closed. Well, at least this proves that one of these days would be out of the ordinary, seeing as none of the spelunkers I, Steven Stone, the CHAMPION, heard falling all over the place have yelled out “CLEARRRRRRR” before they hit the floor. Must be something interesting. Spectacular even. It might even be one of the retards they send to get letters to me. You never know, eh?
Butch and Cassidy’s eyes did not accustom to the darkness of the second room, even after thirty minutes.
“What is with this place?” muttered Cassidy. “Can’t see anything… even after thirty minutes.”
Shupster, who had been let out of the Pokeball (duh), scanned the place with his glowing eyes but for some reason, the glow wasn’t strong enough to penetrate enough dark for the three to see anything. “Hey, I know,” he exclaimed. “This is where Flash comes in handy. Get out Zigzagoon, and keep him in the Pokeball because that’s how these things work.” Cassidy turned around slowly for the bag, afraid to lose it in the darkness. After much fumbling she finally had a firm grip of the right Pokeball.
“Got it. Zigzagoon, use Flash,” she commanded. Tense silence ensued as nothing happened. “God. Use FLASH, you HM Slave! Cmon! This’s the point of your life! Why the hell do you think you were placed on the ******* earth?? FLASH!!!” Despite continued verbal abuse, Zigzagoon did not, for some reason, feel the motivation to flash. “Shupster,” Cassidy fumed. “It’s not Flash. YOU told me it WAS. And now we’re all gonna STARVE in here.”
“It’s not MY fault I’m not a Pokemon master. Not like you are. It’s not my fault someone slipped on the retarded staircase,” snapped Shupster.
“Chill out, everyone,” Butch said.
“That’s what you ALWAYS say, you damn wussy!” yelled Cassidy. “I realized I haven’t called you that in ages, but whatever. Ages doesn’t matter. We’re all gonna die in here. Starve, thirst, FREEZE… And just because Shupster wanted to see Steven.” Cassidy punched the floor. “Ow. And I can’t see the staircase anymore. We must have fallen out of sight of that.”
“Aw damn, I’m feeling cold… and hungry,” whined Shupster.
“I refuse to give up one of May’s sandwiches in the first hour of the ordeal,” declared Cassidy.
“But I’m starving,” complained Shupster.
“No you’re NOT,” yelled Cassidy. “Now come on, let’s get a move on. We might be able to get to Steven if we just… grope around.” And that was exactly what she began doing – grope around. “Grab on to my bag,” she said. “I know it caused tragedy last time but come on, we gotta get moving!”
It was another three hours of training and I, Steven Stone, the CHAMPION, was getting quite bored with it. Besides, I was thirsty. Sort of. Beldum spilled a can of Coke all over my bed of rock after the last battle, so I lost something to drink (which is quite limited here), my bed, and the coke would chemically weather the rock and erode it away and the champion may have nothing to sleep on after a few days. But I needed a drink other than Coke. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to walk around in the upper floor a bit to look for a bit of water. And anyway, I was hearing weird noises going on over there, a little too non-spelunker. So it isn’t at all silly to say that I, Steven Stone, the CHAMPION, was going on a little investigation…
“Four and a half hours down,” gasped Shupster. “I don’t know how far we’ve gone. But it’s freezing.” He took another sip of Kool-Aid. “Is it the Kool-Aid? It’s freezing. I’m freezing.”
“Another sandwich over here,” wailed Butch. “I just finished the peanut butter one.”
“S***,” muttered Cassidy. “Cmon, we have a budget here. Eat slow, and treasure the food. We’re tight on sandwiches.” She clunked her head against the wall they were leaning on, and it echoed through the darkness. “We’re probably going to die here,” she mumbled. “Never to sell the Devon Goods. Never to enjoy our lives.”
“Never to see Steven,” continued Shupster. “Never to win the hundred thousand bucks and the fame. Never to gloat at Jessie and James.” He brightened up suddenly. “Hey, that rhymes.”
Laughter ensued, a little too loudly, as if the three were desperately trying to escape the grasp of that feeling called futility and despair.
Shupster was growing delirious. “At least I won’t be hiding after I’m dead,” he slurred. “Won’t be worried if he finds me. I won’t be alive for him. No way…”
Butch wailed, “Shupster’s going crazy. We’re going down. The last of May’s sandwiches is in my hands. The last piece of hope…”
Shupster whirled around and the other two turned to find out why – a faint light was beaming through what seemed to be a corridor to another room, and it looked to be growing brighter and brighter. “Oh, jeez, guys… I’m seeing the light,” he murmured. “God help me… I see the light…”
Cassidy uttered a short gasp. “I see it too. Doom has dawned upon us… it is time for judgment. I wonder if I’ll go to heaven or hell… shut up, Butch, if I go to hell that’s where YOU’LL be going as well…”
Then suddenly the light burst in their face. “Dude, what the f*** is going on here?” a voice asked incredulously. The three glanced up simultaneously at at a young, silver-haired, sharp-faced man in a suit-jacket and unusually tight jeans. From the three’s vantage point he looked even taller and slimmer than he already was. He had one eyebrow raised and looked disdainfully down at them and if you were there you would’ve seen the thought-bubble popping up beside his head in the air as clear as day: “Jeez, more imbeciles?”
Butch held up the letter he had firmly gripped all along feebly and grinned in the same manner. “Mail for you, Mr. Stone.”
“So it IS the mailmen. Give me that letter, thanks.” Steven snatched the dripping letter away. “Jesus Christ. Never in I, Steven Stone, the CHAMPION’s life, have I ever been responsible to actually save the lives of those who were entitled to bring something to me. You should really have some feeling of responsibility for such an important job as bring something to the champion. But anyway, say thank you and I will to you. Thank you.” He ripped open the letter and slipped the pink card out. Immediately the hard, jeering expression on his face melted as he smiled warmly at the card. “I see… you have been sent here to bring me a letter from my beautiful girlfriend. In that case, I thank you even more. Your debt of distracting me in my training is paid.” Slipping the letter into his pocket, he tossed his shoulder-length hair, his sideway bangs flipping to the other side.
Shupster nudged Cassidy. “This guy? THIS guy got such a hot babe? Damn, I really couldn’t tell from there that she was actually blind…”
“Yeah, from what I’ve seen he’s pretty damn cocky…BUT,” she said, raising her voice from a whisper to what was just loud enough for him to hear, “he doesn’t fare too badly in looks.”
“Why, thank you, Ms. Redhead,” Steven said. “And to the Shuppet too. Thank you for complimenting the hot babe of Steven Stone, the CHAMPION, but no thank you for dissing the champion in the process.”
“You have good hearing,” muttered Shupster. “And yes, the girl’s hot like pie.”
“As for why you guys didn’t bring a Flash pokemon, I won’t ask. But, all that matters is that I saved your lives. And that you guys should be more responsible and careful next time. Get up.” He stood and waited as the three began packing the empty kool-aid bottles and sandwich wrappers back into May’s bag. Walking off with his flashlight still on, he walked back towards his training area while the three trudged after, muttering that the Zigzagoon they got wouldn’t flash.
“Well, thanks again, Steven,” said Shupster. “We thought we were so going to die in there.”
I smiled in appreciation of his thanks and continued reading Bonnie’s letter. “Now do you know what you have to do to get the Zigzagoon to flash?”
The three rolled their eyes. “Yes, Steven Stone, the CHAMPION. Go to the lower left corner of Dewford town and fight Brawly. That will activate the ability for a Pokemon carrying an HM to use Flash outside battle,” they said together. “Please don’t tell us again,” begged Cassidy.
“Okay, chill. I’m not as conceited as you think. Hey, what do you think of my return letter? I think it’s the best.”
“Uh…” said Shupster, who was reading the letter. “I think considering the effort Bonnie herself put into her letter… It’s…” A questionable smile came up on his face. “Absolutely perfect. Okay, Mr. Champion: can you please get us out of here now?”