The Pokemon Trainer's Quest

[tha man rocking tha manl]

proluge:In an region far away there was an boy who wanted to become an pokemon master.He studys day after night about pokemon.And now he is up to the test of becoming an pokemon master,after having his dioplma in an pokemon academy.His quest begins in cinnabar island where he will get his first pokemon.

Chapter 1

As Mark slowly openned the door to the destroyed pokemon labatory,he seen an vulpix fighting an rattata on the stairs.As he was about to throw the pokeball at vulpix,the pokemon ran away to the top floor of the destroyed lab.Mark ran after the two quick pokemon as fast as he can.When the rattata lost the battle between it and vulpix,Mark threw the pokeball at vulpix.It was the first pokemon Mark had catch!Mark ran out of the building and prepeared for his quest to become an pokemon master.

[IceKing]

Its too short. A chapter is not a paragraph. Your chapter one would probably be a single paragraph in a chapter. A chapter should be 4-6 pages but since I think your a beginner 1-2 pages should be sufficient. Also, your use of grammar is poor. Vulpix was the first pokemon he catch? It's caught. To add length use lots of details and description. You could have probably increased the length by giving details of the battle and maybe a description of the lab as Mark walks in. And why is he in there? Let us know stuff like that

[tha man rocking tha manl]

Originally Posted by IceKing

Its too short. A chapter is not a paragraph. Your chapter one would probably be a single paragraph in a chapter. A chapter should be 4-6 pages but since I think your a beginner 1-2 pages should be sufficient. Also, your use of grammar is poor. Vulpix was the first pokemon he catch? It's caught. To add length use lots of details and description. You could have probably increased the length by giving details of the battle and maybe a description of the lab as Mark walks in. And why is he in there? Let us know stuff like that

Thanks for the advice.But I will do much more this time.I just never have enough time loging on the internet at 9:00 P.M or 11:00 P.M.I forgot to put that this is a little like the show just that its 5 years before ash got his dioploma at pokemon academy.

Chapter 2

As mark boarded the S.S Anne he waved goodbye to the people of cinnabar island.As he entered his room,he was amazed that he can face people this good at pokemon battling.There was trainers with all kinds of pokemon from rattata to unown.The ship looked like an mansion,with all type of things and enough room to please anyone.There was pcs for people to store and trade pokemon.People was battling everywhere from the peoples rooms to the outside of the ship.Mark was thinking if he could really go all over every region,beat the elite four,collect all badges,beat the best of the best,and catch every pokemon in the world that was found.

Mark ran out of his room looking for someone to battle with.He ran through the ship intil he found someone that might be an hard person to beat."Can I battle you mister" said Mark."Yes,but I must warn you that I'm a tough trainer to beat.Are you sure you want to battle me?" said the man."Yes I am sure to battle you.Vulpix go!" said Mark."Ok,beedrill go!" said the man."Vulpix use flamethrower now!" said Mark."Beedrill use fury attack!" said the man.Both pokemon's attacks hit each other 1 second apart.Beedrill was recovering from the attack while getting ready to use mirror move after the man said"Now use mirror move!"."Vulpix use tackke then quick attack!" said Mark.Beedrill was countering tackkle then it used tackke at vulpix.Vulpix was hurt and used quick attack.

"Now is the right time!Vulpix use fire blast!" said Mark."Aviod it now beedrill!" said the man.Beedrll wasn't fast enough to aviod fire blast,which was moving at an fast rate.The deadly move made beedrill faint quickly."Yes,we won our very first battle!" said Mark.A few minutes after the battle,vulpix evolved into an ninetails!The excited team looked for more trainers to battle.Mark found alot of trainers to battle but no one was better than that man Mark battled.The S.S Anne gone to an different area than Mark wanted to go to.Mark wanted to go to vermelion city where he could walk to the gym in pewter city.Insted,he was in the johto region but he was in the right area to begin his quest,New Bark town,where red started his second quest to become the best pokemon master in the world.


I'm going to continue chapter 2 later okay? I'll be sure to continue it.

[SnowTiger]

Ok, well it had a good plot but the grammer was bad and it didn't seem believable.

For instance, he just randomly caught a Vulpix and if was stronger than everyone else, it also evolved after one battle with out a fire stone.

But w/e, you wright how you want....

[Sixto]

Your improving, but your grammar still needs a lot of work.

One question though: Are you planning on continuing any of your other stories?

[tha man rocking tha manl]

chapter 2 (continued)

Mark seen how small new bark town was,it only had about 50 buildings.Mark walked around new bark town as quickly as he can so he could find prof. Elem,an prof. that is an expert at pokemon.Mark ran past 30 buildings intil he reached the far east side of town and he seen prof. Elem's labatory.Mark asked if prof. Elem was near town.Most people said"Sorry no,he is at unown cave learning about that weird pokemon there."while some said they don't know where prof. Elem was.Mark never seen johto before,he only heard of it so he grabbed an map of johto and started to read and look at everything he could find.He planned out ways he could get there quickly.As he put the the map away,an window broke and an figure was hiding in the lab.Everyone was taking their pokeballs in case of an battle.The first floor was slowly filling up with an green gas.The figure came out after the people was falling asleep by the green sleeping gas.The figure came near Mark and the figure knocked down Mark with an fast slam to the ground to the floor then the figure used an butterfree.The butterfree used sleep powder and Mark fell to sleep.

"Yes,this will now be quick." said the figure.






I will continue chapter 2 later,maybe tomorow.

[IceKing]

Ok you posted the same thign twice. Heres some advice so you can be better in your grammar and spelling. Write the story on Word or Works or some word processor with grammar and spell check. This was you can also write the whole chapter out in more than one sit in

[Sixto]

Originally Posted by IceKing

Ok you posted the same thign twice. Heres some advice so you can be better in your grammar and spelling. Write the story on Word or Works or some word processor with grammar and spell check. This was you can also write the whole chapter out in more than one sit in

It's been fixed.

I've told him the same thing.