Originally Posted by IceKing
Its too short. A chapter is not a paragraph. Your chapter one would probably be a single paragraph in a chapter. A chapter should be 4-6 pages but since I think your a beginner 1-2 pages should be sufficient. Also, your use of grammar is poor. Vulpix was the first pokemon he catch? It's caught. To add length use lots of details and description. You could have probably increased the length by giving details of the battle and maybe a description of the lab as Mark walks in. And why is he in there? Let us know stuff like that
Thanks for the advice.But I will do much more this time.I just never have enough time loging on the internet at 9:00 P.M or 11:00 P.M.I forgot to put that this is a little like the show just that its 5 years before ash got his dioploma at pokemon academy.
As mark boarded the S.S Anne he waved goodbye to the people of cinnabar island.As he entered his room,he was amazed that he can face people this good at pokemon battling.There was trainers with all kinds of pokemon from rattata to unown.The ship looked like an mansion,with all type of things and enough room to please anyone.There was pcs for people to store and trade pokemon.People was battling everywhere from the peoples rooms to the outside of the ship.Mark was thinking if he could really go all over every region,beat the elite four,collect all badges,beat the best of the best,and catch every pokemon in the world that was found.
Mark ran out of his room looking for someone to battle with.He ran through the ship intil he found someone that might be an hard person to beat."Can I battle you mister" said Mark."Yes,but I must warn you that I'm a tough trainer to beat.Are you sure you want to battle me?" said the man."Yes I am sure to battle you.Vulpix go!" said Mark."Ok,beedrill go!" said the man."Vulpix use flamethrower now!" said Mark."Beedrill use fury attack!" said the man.Both pokemon's attacks hit each other 1 second apart.Beedrill was recovering from the attack while getting ready to use mirror move after the man said"Now use mirror move!"."Vulpix use tackke then quick attack!" said Mark.Beedrill was countering tackkle then it used tackke at vulpix.Vulpix was hurt and used quick attack.
"Now is the right time!Vulpix use fire blast!" said Mark."Aviod it now beedrill!" said the man.Beedrll wasn't fast enough to aviod fire blast,which was moving at an fast rate.The deadly move made beedrill faint quickly."Yes,we won our very first battle!" said Mark.A few minutes after the battle,vulpix evolved into an ninetails!The excited team looked for more trainers to battle.Mark found alot of trainers to battle but no one was better than that man Mark battled.The S.S Anne gone to an different area than Mark wanted to go to.Mark wanted to go to vermelion city where he could walk to the gym in pewter city.Insted,he was in the johto region but he was in the right area to begin his quest,New Bark town,where red started his second quest to become the best pokemon master in the world.
I'm going to continue chapter 2 later okay?
I'll be sure to continue it.