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Old 06-27-2009, 09:51 PM
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Default The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight
Chapter One: “Gotham’s hero”

A very quiet night it has been in Gotham City these past few weeks, indeed. Gotham City has been long known for its long streak of villainy, crimes, and poor authority. The streets lined with garbage as far as the eye can see. Gang signs lurked the area as they showed people to not step into their territory. Years ago, Gotham City faced a weak political stability as crime rates skyrocketed. A man stepped into the crime-infested city and fought against crime for many years. That man was a vague and mysterious man, as no one knew his true identity except for Alfred Pennyworth, his long-time, and trusted butler.

The Batman, or as close friends would call him, Bruce Wayne, has long protected this city for years. Batman specialized in darkness, so he preferred to watch over the city when the area was consumed by night. He attached his golden utility belt to his waist, and headed towards the door.

“Let’s go, Gligar,” Bruce shouted to his purple companion. Gligar had resembled a bat-like symbol, so the two being paired together wasn’t a surprise. Although he had not caught Gligar, they’ve been companions ever since Bruce saved him from a dark alley one night. The Gligar interfered with a Houndoom’s territory, so they squared him in. When Bruce was watching over the city at that time, he spotted the Gligar getting attacked by the pack of Houndoom, and quickly swung over there in his pure black outfit. He tossed his Batarang at one the Houndoom leader, and started to charge at the other Houndoom. Bruce was scratched and bitten countless times, but he still came out on top and saved the helpless Pokemon. Gligar greatly appreciated the Batman and wanted to help him protect the city.

As they opened up the door, they were greeted with the bat signal that lit the city up. The Batman stopped running and looked above.

“Oh, great, another distress signal. New plans, Gligar,” he said as he grabbed his Bat-Grappling hook and aimed it towards a nearby building.

He quickly was pulled by the hook and landed on a series of tall buildings that were shaded from the cloudy night. During this time, the whole city was nearly completely shrouded in darkness, which gave it a gloomy appearance. Gligar followed him all the way to the source of the bat signal. As they approached there, they met up with the man who turned the bat signal on – Police Commissioner James Gordon. James Gordon wore his newest golden brown-colored suit, his thin, brown glasses, and latex gloves. His mustache consumed a majority of the lower half of his face.

“Hello, Batman,” James Gordon greeted Bruce as he stepped forth. Gordon grabbed his heavy, black jacket and placed it over himself due to the windy, cold night.

“What’s the problem, Gordon?” Bruce questioned as his long, dark cape blew to the left as the wind started to pick up. His face was consumed in all black with the dark night and his mask, which appeared to be tightly held onto his face.

Gligar swooshed in from above and landed on Bruce’s shoulder. It folded its arms towards its body since it no longer needed its wings to fly.

“Well… the Joker has put a plague on Gotham. He placed at least two hundred people aboard two ferries that have set sail already, and placed a bomb in each. There is a detonator and if one ferry doesn’t push the button to blow the other up, they will both explode in a huge, fiery explosion in exactly two hours from now. Please, Batman, there are many innocent people aboard the first ferry, and prisoners on the second ferry, that are going to blow up if you don’t do anything about it. We already have one of our highest authorities investigating where we believe the source of the detonator for both ships, and the Joker, are located,” James Gordon said. He was not one to panic, but in a situation like that; he didn’t look as confident as he has made himself out to be. As he waited Bruce’s response, he grabbed his glasses and attempted to clean the smudge on the lens.

“How far is the source of the detonator?” bravery accompanied Bruce’s deep, masculine voice. He never feared anything since the start of his crime-fighting days.

“Approximately two miles north from 144th Street. If you take that cut-off street, you should arrive there quicker,” Gordon said as he placed his glasses back on.

“Keep your men on patrol, we’ll be right there,” Bruce said as he proceeded to jump off the top of the building. Gligar opened its wings and took flight.

He grabbed his Bat-Grappling hook and aimed it towards a nearby building, as he swung through building-to-building until he reached his destination. Passing several trashy streets with garbage and gang signs everywhere, he made it to 144th Street. At the corner of the block, Bruce and Gligar were greeted with a large building that seemed to be under construction.

“Figures the Joker would choose a dump like this. Are you ready Gligar?” Bruce said to his sidekick.

“Gliiiiiiiiiiig,” he shouted as means to further emphasize that he was ready.

The two ran into the building, which surprisingly, wasn’t tightly secured with some of the Joker’s henchmen.

Chapter Two: “Detonation pt. 1”

“What are we going to do?” one innocent male questioned as he started to breathe heavily from fear.

“Where is Batman when you need him?” an angry woman that appeared to be pregnant questioned out of disappointment.

“We should blow the other ferry up before they blow us up!” a teen shouted, as he hoped to gain the approval of the man with the detonator to the other ship that held prisoners.

“Everyone, we shouldn’t degrade to such a primitive form and stoop down to their level. We can discuss this in an orderly fashion,” the man that held the detonator shouted to the people aboard the ferry that would blow up if neither of the two ferries pushed their buttons yet.

“Please, we need to hurry up and decide. In a matter of minutes both ferries would explode!” the woman shouted. She bursted into tears that soon dripped down her tanned face.

The ferry started to have an awful stench of horrible mustiness. The stench could probably even stop a Gloom and Skuntank in their tracks. The top of the room where the people were at was covered in chandeliers. The fancy design and complex look of the ferry must be what attracted everyone to it.

“I just hope they don’t push the button first…” a child said to his mother, as he grasped on tightly to her dress.

Chapter Three: “Detonation pt. 2”

“We have to blow up those citizens. We know that they’re thinking the same thing about us!” one prisoner shouted as he clutched his hands together.

“I’m actually going to have to agree with him. I bet you they couldn’t care less about us, so you know they wouldn’t hesitate to push that button to save their asses,” a female prisoner said calmly in agreement to the previous man. She sat back down after she said what she had to say.

“I’m not sure. We do deserve this. I mean, we’re criminals, we’ve done nothing for this city except bringing it down,” the prisoner in charge of the detonator said in response to the other two.

This ferry had the same design and complexity as the other ferry. But they didn’t enter the ferry by choice; the Joker’s henchmen dressed up as officers forced them in it.

“I just don’t know…” the prisoner in charge of the detonator held it tight. He couldn’t believe the situation everyone was in.

Chapter Four: “Inside the Joker’s lair”

“Alright, Gligar, we’ve made it to the 36th floor. Now there are henchmen securing this area, so we’re getting close to the Joker. I want you to go and use Brick Break on that Houndoom over there,” Bruce whispered to Gligar, as he hoped that neither the Pokemon nor the henchman would spot the two.

Gligar flew up above as his claws began to glow. He swooshed down towards the Houndoom and delivered a powerful blow.

Houndoom flew across the dusty, cold floor and hit the metal door, as a loud thump accompanied the crash. It looked injured already from the unexpected, super-effective hit.

“Houndoom, get up now! I command you to use Fire Blast!” the henchmen said as he clutched his fist. He wouldn’t allow such a move to be allowed without a fight.

The dark dog rose to its four paws, barely visible from the dim-lit floor, which made it even more difficult to attack it. Houndoom opened its mouth and it became engulfed in a huge, fireball that gained size with each second passed.

“Gligar, use Aqua Tail now! I’ll go and handle the henchman,” Bruce shouted as he charged towards the henchman whose identity was vague and unknown.

Houndoom released a huge fireball that consumed a majority of the floor. The blast made direct contact to Gligar, as it took the damage as nothing. The winged-Pokemon looked damage, but still proceeded with Aqua Tail.

Gligar’s tail began to get wrapped around in water. He lunged his body towards the floor and a huge splash of water went in every kind of direction.

The demon dog attempted to jump out of the way, but the range of the Aqua Tail was too wide. It knocked the dog’s legs and it stumbled to the wall. Houndoom seemed pretty worn out from the two super-effective moves Gligar used.

Gligar laughed as he started to dance in air while the injured Houndoom rested on the floor.

Bruce threw several punches towards the masked henchman. The henchmen dodged each one and grabbed some pepper spray from his purple, narrow jacket. He aimed the pepper spray at Bruce as he readied to push the button.

Bruce turned his face away, and then tackled the henchman to the ground as he threw several punches to his gut.

“Houndoom, get the hell up right now! Hurry and use Crunch on the Gligar,” the henchman said as he received the powerful blows Bruce dealt unto him.

The pitch-black dog managed to find some energy left within itself and charged towards the Gligar with its back turned. It opened its jaws, used Crunch on its tail, and tightly gripped its mouth.

“GLIIIIIIIIIIIIG!” the Gligar screamed at the top of his voice. The flying Pokemon flew in all types of directions, as he attempted to have Houndoom let go of his tail.

Bruce paused from beating the crap out of the henchman and shifted his attention towards his sidekick.

“Gligar!” Bruce charged towards the Houndoom. He figured the force of the hit would send the dog flying.

A ruby and white-colored Pokeball was tossed from the dark shadows of the room and hit Gligar on the back.

Bruce took a tremendous pause in huge astonishment.

“Wh-who did that?” Bruce looked towards the corner where the ball came from. He squinted his eyes, as he saw a shaded figure.

The shaded figure walked out of the shadows and smirked.

“Well, well, if it isn’t my dear friend, the batman,” the Joker said in a demonic way. His pale white face, and scars could frighten anybody. He stepped a couple of inches closer into the light, and started to laugh. He looked towards the two detonators in his hands, looked at the Pokeball open up and vacuum the Gligar in a bright red ray.

“Let my sidekick go, Joker!” Bruce charged towards the Joker, but he raised his hands and presented the two detonators. Bruce paused in his tracks.

“Now, now, Batman. Would you really try getting your Pokemon and risk the precious lives of many people waiting for you to show up? I didn’t think so,” the Joker manipulated his words to get to Bruce’s mind.

Bruce stood in the very spot he stopped in. He had to come up with a fast way to save both Gligar, and the many people aboard the two ferries that would blow up any minute now. He shifted his attention toward the Pokeball.

The Pokeball fell to the floor along with the Houndoom. It shook once, twice…
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Old 06-27-2009, 09:54 PM
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Default Re: The Dark Knight

This part of the story is complete.

Targeted Pokemon: Gligar
Character range: 10k - 20k
Total characters: 11k - 12k [>_<]
Status: Ready to be graded


Gligar caught: Joker blows up both ships and has henchmen kill Bruce.

Gligar not caught: Second part of story comes.
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Old 06-27-2009, 11:28 PM
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Default Re: The Dark Knight

Introduction: Your introduction was good. You first introduced us to Gotham City, and how chaotic it is. Then you told us who Alfred Pennyworth was, and used him to connect us to Bruce Wayne/Batman and Gligar. The last thing you did to introduce us to the story was tell us how Batman came across his sidekick, Gligar.(Better than Robin if you ask me)

Plot: It is basically the movie, but shorter. You start things off with a simple patrol, but then the bat signal appears in the sky. You skip all the political nonsense that Harvey Dent provided and went straight to the two boats. People of the ferries were instructed to push their detonator to blow up the other ship, if not, they would both blow up. Then Batman enters the Joker's lair. Alongside of Gligar, he proceeds to beat the crap out of the henchmen and their Pokemon, but the Joker shows up and throws a wrench in Batman's plans.

Description: You did pretty good, you described what the streets of Gotham looked like, what happens to Batman's cape when the wind blows, the commissioner's large mustache. You described the ferry's enough, but you didn't describe the Joker's lair. Was the 36th floor totally empty? Were there more floors above it? It helps to give even a little bit of detail, otherwise the reader's mind begins to wander as they try and imagine the scene.

Grammar: Good job, I had to nitpick. You sometimes did words in a confusing order, liker "quickly was", in a sentence it sounds okay, but by itself it doesn't really make sense, that's why "was quickly" works better. "To not step" is good, but "not to step" sounds a bit better. "Fought against crime" is a little repetitive, you can simply say "fought crime", because if you fight something, you're usually against it. Same goes for "opened up the door" and "met up with", "opened the door" and "met with" aren't as wordy. You spelled two hundred out, use 200, since it is greater than ten. Try and look for wordiness or repitition in your stories, that's the only thing that was somewhat constant.

Length: For a Pokemon like Gligar, 10,000-20,000 is a good range. You barely squeezed by with 11,668.

Battle: I was fine with the battle. It was Batman+Gligar vs. Henchmen+Houndoom. You described Gligar's Aqua Tail nicely, which was the only move that really needs describing. I like how Houndoom capitalized on Gligar's mistake of turning away from it, that's taking a page from Villians 101. The Joker appearing was a cool twist to the story.

Outcome: I only had slight problems with the length and the setting's description. Still, it was a good adaptation of the Dark Knight.

Gligar Captured!
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