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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 04-25-2011, 04:22 AM
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Default [DreamCraft] The Goldenrod Incident (PG-15)

Ohmgosh. I sure like to cut things close, don't I.

Also, two to three instances of strong language about the latter half. I'm separating the four parts into four different posts. It seemed so much longer in my word processor. Curse my widescreen.
==================================================
The Goldenrod Incident

Ground Zero

. Part 1 .

It was another sleepy morning, just as always, nothing special. Reed, my roommate, was still asleep when I awoke. I, unlike Sleepy MacBlondeyblond, had morning classes and had to prepare for them adequately. No late night shenanigans. I combed my hair by the trashcan so I could easily dump the loose strands that would accumulate. I didn’t have the time for a shower this particular morning, but it was nothing a little deodorant couldn’t temporarily remedy.

Lazily, I flopped out of bed, slipped on the cleanest T-shirt I could find, and leaned against the wooden counter of my dorm room. I stared at a closed box of cereal that had been left out overnight. I, Oliver Greene, will eat you, cereal! Prepare yourself for mine spoon! The thoughts ran through my head as I dumped the cereal into a bowl I had conjured from the magic of the cupboard. Those poor cheerios never stood a chance.

With the cereal threat resolved, I checked the time on my phone and slipped on my snow camouflage coat. I always left around seven in the morning and did the traveling via trolley. My Monday elective in comics was a short class only a few hours long. It was mostly studio time, with a third of it devoted to technique studies.

At class, the teacher commented on how I drew my female characters with long, billowy hair. I smiled and said that I would attempt to vary the appearances more. I couldn’t help my habits, though. Angela—my significant other—had the same traits I projected onto characters I deemed, “attractive.” It had become a bad habit of mine. Other than this occurrence, however, today’s class had gone by uneventfully and the commute back to my dormitory even more so. Until I stepped off of the trolley at least.

All at once, the ground shook. At first, I thought that Goldenrod had been caught in a sudden earthquake—as if Goldenrod were anywhere close to a fault line. It wasn’t an earthquake, but an unholy vacuum of unspeakable matter. From the outside, it appeared as a dark void that swallowed up everything in its way. It expanded so quickly, I barely had time to react to its presence. So what did I do? Why, I turned away and covered my face, of course. Why bother running away from a wall of death that moves faster than you could ever hope to run?

When it struck me, I immediately felt a chill that ignored my wind-proof coat. It felt as though I had suddenly been submerged in ice cold water. It felt like standing in the midst of a wave machine. I was knocked off balance and my limbs flailed as I attempted to regain my footing.

The very second that wall of purple hit me, I noticed the changes. They were instantaneous and jarring beyond belief. My body changed and I didn't need my eyes to know it. I could feel the changes. I lost parts of my body and I gained others. It only felt strange for a second and before I noticed, it was almost as though I had been like this my entire life. Also, my shoes no longer fit. They were nice shoes.

It took a few seconds for the reality of the situation to set in and the entire platform began to erupt. I thought myself to be under the effects of some strange hallucinogen, but refused to outwardly panic like the others.

I stumbled off of the train platform and onto the escalator, hardly able to think. I had to find someplace quiet to sort things out and I knew that the residential neighborhood around the dormitory I lived in would be relatively deserted during the day. My watch hadn’t even made it past noon yet.

It was only a five minute walk, but the travel time felt extended into half an hour. The entire way, I felt like a dexterous zombie, hobbling down the sidewalk on my stubby feet, ignorant of my surroundings. I almost got hit by a small pikachu woman in an unnecessarily large suburban.

When I finally made it to what I called home, I locked the door behind me. Still a stranger in my own body, I slowly made my way to the wooden bar of my dorm room and picked up the box of cereal I had left behind in my rush to get to class on time.

I stuck my hand in and shoved a wad of plain cheerios into my mouth, only to find their taste repulsive, possibly even sickening. I spat the chewed up cereal into the sink and washed it away without a second thought. The dreadful flavor stuck with me until I swung open the nearby refrigerator and drank an excessive serving of milk straight from the carton. It took a few seconds to realize that I had actually loved this very same cereal just this morning. I stared into a knot in the lacquered wood counter top as I attempted to wrap my head around the situation. I could see a shadowy reflection of myself in its dark surface, taunting me with its debatably inhuman silhouette.

I stepped in front of my roommate’s wall-mounted mirror to see the truth. I really had changed. My body was now covered in orange and cream fur. I could feel and control my tail, I felt exactly as though this were my body my entire lifetime. My body needed no reeducation. If my eyes failed to deceive me, I looked very much like a floatzel in human clothing.

The experience felt beyond surreal--almost as though I were in the midst of some sort of high. I had to tell Angela about this. I had to tell myself about this. Maybe it could preserve my insanity—or maybe not. I took my laptop out from under the covers of my bed and placed the black and red hunk of plastic on the counter. After some deft menu navigation, I saw a red circle appear in the top right corner of the portable PC’s screen. I began my speech.

“Hey Angela.” I paused. “It’s kind of hard to believe, but you’ll probably see something about this on the news tonight. Well, everyone in the city got turned into—“ I shrugged and waved my hands about myself. “This, more or less. I’m going to e-mail this to you and go take a nap. Then I’ll watch this again and see if I’m not hallucinating. Love ya.”

I punched the touch pad with my finger and in short order, the video was sent and the laptop had been shut down. I tapped the space bar a couple of times before I returned to my small dorm bed and drifted off into dreamland.

Last edited by Innocent Bystander; 04-25-2011 at 04:29 AM.
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Old 04-25-2011, 04:23 AM
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Default Re: [DreamCraft] The Goldenrod Incident

Goldenrod Incident
Ground Zero

. Part Two .

Fortunately, it was all just a dream. I woke up in the afternoon, completely back to normal, but that unfortunately meant I still had my big art project to work on. I had it about half finished. As it turned out, pig statues of dictator zombies were harder to sculpt than I had initially assumed.

I jumped out of bed to the sound of a mighty furious knocking on the room’s door. “Oliver! Open up! Hurry!” The voice was muffled and obscure in the fog of my drowsiness, but I could recognize it. I threw my blankets aside and stumbled over to the door on my feet, which were still far smaller than I had lived my entire life with.

“Okay, just hold your horses!” I shouted, sliding the lock out of place and pulling the door back. Reed burst through the door to our room, wide eyed and breathing heavily.

“Oh my God!” he shouted, near breathless as he threw himself against the metal door, slamming it shut. “Oliver, they were going to eat me!” He immediately turned to look at me and fell silent. “Uh—“ At least, I assumed this was Reed. I recognized the red shirt with its white stripes and the same old, faded jeans he loved so dearly. This lopunny had the clothes I had registered as my roommate’s.

“Calm down,” I said, sitting on a nearby bed. The mattress sunk lower than the wooden walls that kept it on the frame. “Lock the door and come have a seat.” The lopunny only had to mention, “eat,” for me to understand what was happening. I noticed it early on. The bowl of cereal I ate when I got home didn’t taste very palatable—I could tell the difference by comparing my lackluster lunch and my lackluster morning meal. This whole change obviously went well beyond cosmetics, affecting everything that made us, “us.” Our human minds were strong enough to keep control, however, keeping Goldenrod together as a single demographic would be incredibly difficult.

“Hey, I’m not sure who I can trust—“ Reed shook his head as he began to speak, his hand wrapped around the knob of the door’s lock.

“Then, why did you just lock the door?” I looked him in the eye, “You gonna kill the big bad wolf before he gets hungry?” I chuckled, despite the fact that I took the question seriously. “Before you do anything drastic. I was thinking, maybe we should slip outta the city before the government shows up. If we’re even in the same world.” It wouldn’t be difficult to imagine that a sudden event like what happened just a few hours ago would cause a huge breakdown of shipping. Without any imports, urban areas like Goldenrod wouldn’t have the means to instantly begin supporting themselves. A few hundred thousand people couldn’t possibly last long—I mean, who the hell has ever heard of rationing? To survive without resorting to what would undoubtedly feel like cannibalism, I would have to leave.

“Oh.” Reed raised an eyebrow as he looked me over. “Well.”

“Alright. So, it’s settled that we’re leaving. Let’s get the things we really don’t want to leave behind, but travel light.”

“Well—I tried half an hour ago. There’s some sort of force field blocking the way.”

“Seriously?” I raised what equivalent of an eyebrow that I had. Reed nodded. I sighed. “Okay, then. We don’t have much choice then. If we’re going to get out of this, we’ll have to take down the field, somehow.”

“But how?”

“We’ll find the source. Force fields this big aren’t self-sustaining.” I clasped my fingers as I laid myself back down on my bed. “Reed, do you know where it might be originating from?”

“Downtown, probably.”

“I suppose. There are a lot of tall buildings along Main Street. It’s across town, but not too bad.” I said. “Only a couple of buildings seem like they’d be viable signal producers, right? We’ll check the GTS and the radio tower.”

“How do you know this?” Reed asked me, still leaning against the door. “You’re an art student.”

“I read a book on it when I was in the library—just to cross reference with Wikipedia. I’m not always tired, you know.” My answer left Reed silent for a few moments.

“Of course.” He shrugged in a broad circle as he rolled his eyes.

“Of course. Grab your stuff and let’s go.” I took my laptop and shoved it in its carrying bag. It was the only thing I really felt necessary, other than my phone, some beef jerky, a bottle of water, and a couple of luxury poké balls. Reed took the plastic bag out of the cereal box and shoved it in the pocket of his blue jacket.

We left through the fire exit, which was much more convenient and out of the bedlam around town. We had to travel to the northwestern end of Goldenrod, over by the harbor. Since the whole incident began in the middle of the day, many people were still out at work at the time, leaving residential areas fairly empty, save for maybe looters hoping those DVDs they lifted from some elderly person would fetch a nice price on Craigslist, once they bounced out of town. Otherwise, the streets of the dorm neighborhood were empty.

“I suppose those people chasing me are gone,” Reed said after a long silence between us.

“They probably went further into town to go hunt.” I grabbed Reed by the upper arm and pulled him close. “But if they come back, I’m here to help you run away next time.” Reed chuckled and pulled his arm free of my grip.

“I feel so much safer now.” I grinned. We continued on in silence, avoiding crowded areas as best we could, which added a good half hour to our travel time. The closer we got to the business districts, the more obviously in chaos the city became. Essentially, one massive riot, split between ne’er-do-wells and hysterical sheep. At one point, a fight between several people had broken out, Reed and I safely away from it, watching from the height of a raised walkway. It seemed so bizarre to be able to name the signature attacks of pokémon and see them originating from very human-shaped forms.

Basically, anything that people wanted to do, they did. There were those who opposed them and some of the delinquents backed down. Others had spine and fought. However, around the radio tower, the streets were relatively peaceful. I had a suspicion why, as I felt repelled from the building. A force driving the converts to stay away, for no rational reason.¬¬¬

On a rooftop nearby, two people could be heard conversing. As I listened to their conversation, I caught bits and pieces that hung on my mind. “Somewhat successful experiment,” echoed in my head the most.

“Reed,” I whispered to the lopunny beside me, “Let’s go see what that’s about.” Reed had been listening as well and was just as curious. We crept into the building it seemed as though the voices were falling down from and climbed the several stories of stairs effortlessly. We quickly arrived at the roof, to find the door with the lock cut clean off by a concentrated heat.

The voices were set up near the edge of the roof with some equipment around them. A radio, a large telescope, a remote station for what I only imagined could be some sort of UAV, a portable PC, and a gun; low-class hunting rifle. One of them had been standing guard and immediately saw us. He leapt to his feet, his white coat almost blinding as it shone in the sun.

Humans!
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Old 04-25-2011, 04:25 AM
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Default Re: [DreamCraft] The Goldenrod Incident

Goldenrod Incident
Ground Zero

. Part 3 .

“Oh hell!” the man exclaimed as he stood up, arms out to his sides. The other two men with him looked over their shoulders and leapt out of their skin. “They found us!”

“Wait!” I shouted, holding a hand out as if I were directing traffic. “I just want to talk. My friend and I—“I gestured toward Reed over my shoulder, “We just want to get out of here. Out of the city.” They were less panicked, but it stood that we were very much a threat they couldn’t escape from.

“You can’t,” one of the men said, “It’s not our position to decide who can come in and out. This is a controlled environment.”

“Goldenrod City is home to at least two hundred thousand people. Controlled environment?” Reed’s voice was a dead giveaway that he was indignant. “Unless you’re planning to feed all of these people, we’ll all die! You can’t just leave us all to starve to death, you pricks—“

“Tell them something they don’t know,” I cut Reed off. “If you can’t do anything, who can?”

“I don’t know about this,” one of the men muttered.

“Yeah, Silf’ll kill us if he finds out about us telling.”

“Who?” I butted into their conversation and the white-coated men all adopted mortified expressions. “Look, I won’t say anything about this, so long as you tell me what I want to know.” I crossed my arms.

“Doctor Silf is our superior,” one of the men said.

“Yeah, he’s the man behind the whole project.”

“So, what about him?” Reed asked impatiently.

“If you want to get through the force field, you’ll have to talk to him,” said one of the scientists as he nervously pushed up his glasses.

“Well then where is he?” I asked. We were finally getting somewhere.

“Where do you think he is?” one of the men answered my question with another question in a sudden burst of confidence.

“Give me an answer I want to hear, you nunce!” I shouted, stamping my foot into the gravel of the roof. The scientists all jumped back in unison. “Where is Silf?”

“He’s at the top of the radio tower.”

“Thank you.” I turned to Reed. “I’m assuming that means the observation deck. Let’s go.” Before we left the rooftop, I walked over to the radio and kicked it off the side of the building, watching it smash into the ground. “No telling on your side either,” I said to the shaken men before joining Reed in the stairwell.

It was a short jog to the radio tower.

“Man, I remember going to the observation deck before. You had to take an elevator in the fifth floor that was on the side of the building that faces this office building over here.” I pointed as I thought aloud. “So, taking our new abilities into account, we should be able to just smash through a window on the fourth floor below it and take the stairs up to the elevator room.”

“Or we could, y’know, take the fire exit all the way up, since it probably isn’t guarded in any way.” Reed suggested. I stared at him for a second.

“Let’s try that, first.”

There had been a single man with a gun standing guard to the emergency fire exit that opened from both sides. A single man whom was smitten by my lightning fast, mutant hand.

However, the stairs were dissuasion enough for the normal person. By the time we made it to the height of the observation deck, we had to stop to rest beneath the trap door that led into the circular room with large windows. When we flipped the surprisingly unlocked door over and climbed out, we were greeted to the sight of a sturdy control panel accompanied by an aging man with classic villain hair. There were too many buttons on the panel for all of them to be real.

“What the—who let you in here?” The man whirled around to face us.

“You only had one guard in front of the fire exit,” I said as I closed the trap door behind Reed. “I didn’t think it would be this easy to just sneak in.”

“Are you Doctor Silf?” Reed asked.

“Why of course I am. I’m the only competent man here, aren’t I?” Silf gestured to himself. “What do you want from me?”

“We want to leave,” I said plainly. “We want to be outside of the force field that’s keeping everyone inside Goldenrod.”

“Oh, I can’t do that. Ditto! Get these two creatures out of here.” I could see a purple blob on the ground, at the very edge of my peripheral vision. Within a few seconds, I could see a clear reflection of myself.

My clone hit me with a blast of water that pushed me across the observation deck. The impact left a bruised feeling, but water was water and it hardly affected me. “It’s going to take more than that,” I said as I shook the running water off of my arms. I summoned my own blast of water and directed it at the floor as the ditto ran toward me. As it slipped and fell, I let off another shot that pushed it into the metal rails that would keep spectators for putting their entire weight on the glass.

“Don’t let him get the best of you like that!” Silf shouted in frustration. The ditto turned to look at the old man as it got to its feet. It turned back to me and held out its hands. Within a short few seconds, a beam of pure energy erupted from its palms. The world around me ground to a halt as I leapt out of the hyper beam’s path and pivoted to face the ditto. I hardly noticed my sudden speed increase as I charged forward and caught the ditto by one of its arms before it had even completed its attack. Using my sudden advantage, I turned back to the beam’s destination to see that it had torn a large hole in the side of the observation deck. Much to my own surprise and without hesitation, I launched the ditto over my shoulder and out of the hole it had created.

“Badass!” Reed called from the sidelines. The confrontation hadn’t lasted any longer than half a minute at the most. My instinctual reactions had done all the driving for me. I shook my head as I removed myself from my involuntary battle trance.

“Alright, cut the ****, Silf,” I said, agitated. “How do we turn off the force field?” I rubbed my hand over a bruise on my stomach. It couldn’t be seen beneath my fur. Reed shook the old scientist by the collar and growled. “Put him down, Reed.” I sighed. “Antagonizing him won’t get us a better answer.”

“There’s a power switch on the side. It shuts down the generator, but the damage is already done. You’re never going to be the same again and society won’t just accept you’re existence.” Silf crossed his arms and turned away, not defeated, but uncaring. “I’ve already completed my contract and as such, I cannot held responsible for this.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I put my hand on the large, industrial switch. “Reed. Break this thing once we’re sure the barrier’s gone. Don’t want it suddenly coming back up while we make our escape.”

Last edited by Innocent Bystander; 04-25-2011 at 04:31 AM.
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Old 04-25-2011, 04:26 AM
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Default Re: [DreamCraft] The Goldenrod Incident

Urban Forest
Ground Zero

. Part Four .

There was a moment of silence after I threw the switch.

“Nothing happened?”

“No. The force field is down. Let’s move before anybody catches on,” I said as I looked out of one of the windows. From above, the world was beautiful. The broad ocean and Cianwood could be seen in the distance, now that the purple haze of the force field had dissipated. “We’ll go from here to Olivine. Follow the woods up to the field by the Pokéathlon dome and cut across the water there,” I said, turning to Reed.

“Oh,” he grunted, simply to make noise. I watched as he smashed the podium of buttons with a mighty axe kick from his graceful legs.

“Hm.” I quickly changed positions in the observation tower to get a view of the flat tops below. “I just noticed how closely spaced these residential buildings are to a source of radiation, no matter how harmless it may be.” I turned back to Reed again. “We’ll jump from here to those flats and drop into the forest from there.” Compared to other mainland regions, Johto is a noticeably suburban region. Goldenrod is the closest you can get to a modern metropolitan area. Despite being well developed, the city still abruptly runs up against patches of woodland in many areas. “Think you can make it?”

“I can make that,” Reed assured me, joining me to size up the distance. There were only four lanes to cross over the course of possibly a twenty foot drop. Reed had the ability to jump far higher than should be logically possible and I could win a race against a supersonic bullet.

“Good.” I backed away from the glass and broke it with a powerful blast of water. I charged forward and leapt through the hole, easily clearing the gap. Reed soon followed, leaving a large dent in the roof where he landed. I nodded and he nodded back. Wordlessly, we ran to the other end of a row of five apartment buildings until we found ourselves staring into a mass of green tree tops. “The branches’ll probably break if we try it from up here,” I observed, leaning out over the edge of the building.

“Then we’ll just walk in like normal people,” Reed said. He kicked in the door of the condo’s roof access and we quickly descended the eight story building. We walked out onto the nearby sidewalk and made a break for the forest, arriving at the white, wooden fence that marked the city limits.

I sighed in relief as we finally made it into the safety of Goldenrod’s outer limits. If the barrier that kept us in were to suddenly spring back up, we wouldn’t be caught on the inside. We sat on the protruding roots of an old tree for a few minutes, looking back at the city we had lived in for the past three years. It seemed likely that Reed and I would never be coming back—never to continue our education or for any leisure activities. At this moment, the fact finally struck me; we’re done learning and we’re done being human. All the strings we’ve grown to live with have been cut and now we’re as free as we want to be. No debts, no laws—no rights.

“We should keep moving,” Reed said after a while. His voice broke me free from my moment of deep thought.

“Yeah,” I grunted weakly. We jogged through the quiet forest until we came to the edge of the national park. From our vantage point at the top of a hill, you could see that there were crowds gathered all around the end of Goldenrod’s limits. They all looked like the tourists you’d see in the game corner, save for the few researchers and news crews. There were at least three helicopters above the city, and there were temporary watch towers all over.

Reed and I exchanged glances when we saw clusters of construction gear and the tour trucks that were commonly seen in The Safari Zone. They were worried glances. Had we just managed to escape in time? There would no doubt be even more chaos in Goldenrod if the government had not already arrived to control the situation.

“Look! Footprints!” I jumped as I heard a stately voice in the distance, its source invisible among the trees. “They went this way. They’re too deep to be anything other than them!” I rotated my entire body to glance over my shoulder, cursing under my breath. “The minute you see one, start tossing, boy. This is an opportunity we can’t afford to miss!” I bit my lower lip as the voice quickly grew closer.

“Run!” I hissed, only to find Reed thinking ahead of my command and bounding off. It didn’t take long for us to reach a steady pace as we avoided the soil and kept to stones and trees if we could help it. “Take a left here,” I said as we reached an ornate, iron fence.

The forest ended at the edge of a massive sports field. Thankfully, its usual occupants had already begun to leave as the sun set. I vaulted over the small iron fence that we had followed and lifted Reed onto my back. “They’ve seen us,” Reed whispered in my ear as I dashed across the field.

“It can’t be helped.” As I reached the end of the fields, I leapt over a chain link fence and hit the water feet first. I had only ever gone for a swim once, however my new form instinctually transformed me into motorboat that effortlessly skipped across the water. “We’re home free!” I exclaimed, catching a ball of salt water in the mouth as I spoke.

“Yeah, but my fur’s wet.” Reed clung to my neck as he complained. We were still both in high spirits, wet or dry. It was a short swim across the water from the fields to the eastern edge of Olivine. When we arrived on the other side, our clothes were soaked and uncomfortable, but we didn’t care. We made it. We were in Olivine and out of Goldenrod.

Reed and I traveled to the top of the Glitter Lighthouse to perch on a bench overlooking the city and to rest our bodies after our long day. The lighthouse was empty at night, save for old Amphy, who paid no mind to our presence. I could feel myself smiling broadly as I looked over Olivine in the night, firmly relieved and assured that this was the end of it. The hard part of my plan had come to an end and now I simply had to adapt to life away from the public. I had grown used to being indoors at all times. How hard could it be?

I took a deep breath before reaching into my pocket and pulling out a small, sealed, plastic bag. I wiped the moisture from the bag’s surface and took my perfectly dry cell phone out. I sighed, flipped it open, and dialed in a number that I knew by heart. The phone rang until I was forwarded to an automated message. I hung up and hit the redial button. It only rang once before I received an answer.

“Oliver!” Angela shouted into her phone, her voice filled with hysteria. “Oh my god, where are you?” I could hear her parents in the background, asking if I had really just called her.

“Hi Angela! I’m on top of the lighthouse right now. I can’t really say much more, but I have something really important that I have to ask you. In person.” I cast a glance in Reed’s direction. He was running his fingers through the long fur that hung from his ears. “I’ll be waiting outside your window in a minute, okay? You can’t tell anybody.”

“Of course!”

“Thank you,” I said, about to end the call before I thought of one last thing to say. “I love you.” I folded the phone shut and put it back into the plastic bag, then my pocket. “Let’s go, Reed.” Wordlessly, the lopunny stood and flipped his hair, smiling slightly. I grinned as I turned away from him to summon the elevator.

When the elevator arrived, Jasmine stepped out and stared at us for as long as we let her. We were quick to slip into the elevator and get the doors closed without uttering a single word.

After a short jog from the lighthouse, Reed and I sat on the roof of the back porch of Angela’s house, just outside her bedroom window. The girl had been lying prone on her mattress, her head buried in a pillow. I tapped the window and she turned her head to look at me, wide eyed. It seemed as though she knew what to expect from seeing the video, but didn’t want to believe. Slowly, she walked over to the window and unlocked it. I slid up the lower half of the window and climbed through with Reed behind me.

“Wow,” she breathed, looking us up and down before reaching out to touch my nose. “It’s really…” As her warm finger touched me, she immediately pulled it back. I could tell she was holding back tears. Only in spirit could I ever be the Oliver she knew.

“Deep breaths,” I coached her. “You can cry all you want. But when you’re done, there’s something I really have to ask you.” I helped her back to her bed: a mattress on the floor with some blankets, a sheet, and a pillow. I patiently as she dealt with her silent tears.

“Like what?” she asked, her words spaced by a sob.

“Please.” I held out two empty luxury balls and Angela stared at them blankly.

What?” Reed blurted, standing away from his seat on the window sill. “Oliver, are you serious?” I didn’t even scowl at his response. I likely would have reacted in the same way if I were in his position.

“I don’t understand,” Angela said, taking the two balls from me. “What do you want me to do with these?” I remained silent for a long time, watching as Angela looked over the luxury balls, admiring their craftsmanship.

“Reed, you saw those men searching for us, how they were getting ready to turn Johto’s capital into one big safari. This is the only way we can guarantee that we’re safe from being captured.” My explanation took time to sink into the lopunny. “We’re pokémon now. We may think like humans, we may feel like humans, we may walk like humans, but as it stands, we’re just incredibly rare pokémon.” Convinced I had made my point, I turned my attention back to Angela and held her by the shoulder. “Angela. I want to trust you to keep us as yours. Please. There’s no other way.”

Angela looked at me.

“It’s your choice, though. Reed can do what he wants, but I’ve made mine.” I gave the girl a reassuring smile as I backed away. “I can wait forever.” My wait wasn’t a long one. A flash of golden light assured me of this.
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Old 05-08-2011, 04:57 AM
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Default Re: [DreamCraft] The Goldenrod Incident (PG-15)

Don't mind me. I'll just go faint in the corner due to poor time management.



Full size download bounced off of my DeviantArt page, because I can't understand how Photobucket works:

http://ramzam.deviantart.com/art/Gol...aper-208001280
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Old 05-09-2011, 05:44 PM
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Default Re: [DreamCraft] The Goldenrod Incident (PG-15)

And I'm here. Hope you're ready.

THE WRITING PORTION

First off, the story was pretty good and the plot had a great premise to it. At first, the whole idea of turning Goldenrod into a kind of Pokémorph safari was pretty wild, but you made good use of it and really developed the idea well. It was also a pretty original idea that I've never seen anything like it before. I think it would have been cooler if you made it longer, developed the story further, gave Oliver and Reed more challenges to overcome, and so on, but you did well regardless. The story also had a nice, casual kind of feel to it, and those touches of humor were also well appreciated.

I caught a few spelling and incorrect word usage mistakes, but that was pretty trivial. Oliver's initial reaction to being transformed into part Floatzel seems a lot on the casual and calm side, but you still did pretty well with it, even though I was expecting much more shock and alarm. Also, the story seems unfinished, and as much as I would have liked to see Angela's final choice regarding what was to become of Oliver and Reed, you definitely got pretty far and it almost seemed like you were on the verge of finishing (either that, or this really was the end, and you left it up to the reader to decide). In truth, the adventure could be far from over, and I'm sure there's plenty of grounds to base a sequel off of this.

Meanwhile, the story also has a lot of good emotion, especially toward the end. The relationship between Oliver and Angela was definitely well-implemented, and it paved the way for the ending pretty well. But it feels like if that one last post was made, and some definite closure was on the story, you would have gotten a lot of bonus points there.

Overall: 38/50

THE ART PORTION

First and foremost, you were actually the only person who followed all the rules and made the image the size it should be and included a logo and emblem that connected it with the story. I was really hoping at least most people would have followed these rules, but at least you did it. Thanks.

The photo collage idea was actually pretty unique and well presented. A lot of the individual pictures seem blurry and sketchy, but for the most part, the overall picture is good and gets the job done. The logo is also well done, the character images really help bring the story to life, and you essentially did exactly what I asked you to, connect the wallpaper image with the story. You get my thumbs up there.

If I would have changed anything, I'd say make the individual pictures a little bit clearer and more detailed, because that would have made it flawless. I can definitely tell each photo holds a capture of a moment in the story, but it's a bit tricky telling at which point in the story each photo reflects. If you made that a bit clearer, it would have been perfect, but you still did a great job anyway.

Overall: 44/50

TOTAL: 82/100

The only things that stopped this from getting 100/100 were really to complete the story and give it closure, clean it up a bit in terms of fixing the few spelling and grammar mistakes, and make it longer. As for the image, it was good, a bit more clarity would have been really appreciated, but still, you did a great job.
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Old 05-10-2011, 04:07 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Cyberspace, HDD
Posts: 89
Default Re: [DreamCraft] The Goldenrod Incident (PG-15)

Originally, I had planned this out to be a ten-piece that followed the whole incident on a larger scale, what with the city descending into chaos for a short while before big gangs and authorities held hands and restored order. Then it ended with pretty much everyone in Goldenrod facing off with a robot army and Oliver playing more of a powerless observer, until the end, where he turned into The Flash and kicked butt.

So, I originally planned to have a chapter out every three days, but my astounding ability to easily be distracted from longterm projects got the better of me. In the end, I condensed the story down to the more personal level of Oliver and Reed, writing the four parts in pretty much two six hour segments, "finishing," it with a few minutes left on the countdown. Personally, I felt the whole thing to be below what I knew I could do, and told myself that once the contest was over, I'd go back and make this more satisfactory to myself, before starting work on anything sequel-like. It really was never meant to be as compact as I made it.

I did learn that Global Agenda can be quite fun, when you're not always being shot in the foot by your teammates, though.

The wallpaper is a similar story. Design-wise, it remained pretty much the same, although, I underestimated my slow arting skills. I'll be picking at this from time to time, until it's what I actually planned to be the finished project—something nice and glossy that I wouldn't see as an abomination whenever I turned on my PC.

Wait, what did I just say? I hate making long posts. I tend to repeat myself and forget most everything I wrote.
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