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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 10-29-2011, 03:10 PM
most duded's Avatar
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Default who says abilitys aren't helpful (rewrite)

“Chimchar, use scratch and finish it!” I said, commanding my newly obtained fire monkey Chimchar to finish my foe’s Timburr. The Timburr was sent a couple yards away, unconscious. I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Scar, and my chimchar and I are on a quest to be the greatest pokemon battlers ever. I have blue eyes and brown fluffy hair. I am always wearing my backpack and I wear a blue hat backwards. I wear a green t-shirt and gray, silky pants. My Chimchar (like all others) is a short monkey with a red back and palish front and a swirl of fur on its head. He also has a small fireball acting as a tail. He can use the attacks leer, scratch, and ember. We are from the unknown village of Tuop; witch is several miles away from Pallet town. We are on our way to catch as many grass, water and fighting types to take on the Pewter city gym. Today, we will try and go fishing.

We were walking for several hours before we came across a huge, wide, clear pond seemingly crawling with life. “ I think we found our fishing spot.” I said to my friend Chimchar. We set up my fishing rod and started fishing. We waited hours before we got a tug. I gleefully yelled at Chimchar to come and help. Together. We pulled out a suckish Magikarp. We both sighed. I thought that it might be somewhat strong, so I gave it a shot.

“Chimchar use your ember attack!” I said competitively as my partner sent tons of small things of flames at my opponent. The Magikarp flew back into the lake. We sighed once again at the same time. I started fishing once again and for hours and hours I didn’t get one bite, and I didn’t even see a splash. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man with a male, powerful Frillish. Frillish looks like small sphere with a light point on the top. He has two bright eyes and a small mouth. He hovers with four tentacles going toward the ground and two more acting as arms. The males of the species are blue while the female of the species is pink. The strange, bearded man cast his line and instantly got a tug. He pulled up a Prinplup and had an epic fight with the penguin like pokemon and turned out the victor. He caught the penguin called Prinplup with a small sphere that’s red on the top half, and white on the bottom with a small circle separating them. He threw the pokeball at the helpless, unconscious penguin and out came a red, zig-zagy beam engulfing the wild pokemon and bringing the creature into it. I t wiggled several times and made an irritating ding sound. He picked up the pokeball and stared at it delightfully. I went up to him and said “Hey mister weird fisherman, what’s your secret.”

“Well son, first of all, I am not weird. I am a highly trained fisher and yes, it does need training. And second of all, it’s my rod. I’ve even caught a red Garydos.” He said as if he was better than anyone and everyone. I replied with awe, “Let’s battle. If I win, we exchange rods.” He replied with a grin, “And if I win?” I thought for a second and hesitated. ”If you win, I’ll give you my whole supply of pokeballs.” He agreed without any hesitation whatsoever.

We used Frillish and Chimchar. They got a few yards away from each other and Chimchar taunted Frillish, this made him very angry. The battle commenced. “Use scratch!” I yelled with passion. Chimchar swiftfuly ran towards our foe and attacked him with his claws. Chimchar went through Frillish (Frillish is a ghost type pokemon so he is not affected by normal (like scratch) or fighting moves) and crashed into a tree. “Frillish, use shadow ball!” said the fisherman. His Frillish sent a black ball flying at my partner, Chimchar. It crashed into him and he went flying. He smacked into the hard, cold ground. “Chimchar, use leer!” I yelled with a drop of sweet running down my forehead. Chimchar used leer with a spark in his eye. “Now that his defense is low, use ember!” I said more confidently as Chimchar sent flames out of his mouth. It hit Frillish and did barely anything. The strange fisherman smirked and said “ Frillish! Finish it with your aqua pulse!” His Frillish send a sphere made of water at my now nearly fainted Chimchar, which was engulfed by the sphere. He was thrown out of the sphere swirly eyed and unconscious. With a sigh, I gave him all my pokeballs except Chimchar’s. He saw it and said, “Hey, you didn’t give me that pokeball!” He ran over and grabbed it. I started tugging on it, and it was like mini tug-a-war. Eventually, we pulled so hard; both of us stumbled back and dropped the pokeball. Before it reached the water, a long pair of jaws with the top half blue and the bottom half white came out and ate the sphere whole. We both gasped. We started fighting and we yelled at each other. We heard something like water being splashed, and we were engulfed by a shadow. We both froze and looked over toward the lake, and there, not three yards away, was a full-grown Ferraligator. It started walking slowly toward us, and the man ran. I was frozen I couldn’t move.

(Flash-back) “Honey, daddy’s not coming home,” said my mom. “Why not?” I asked. “He was in the Viridian forest, fishing, and he was captured by a Ferraligator.” She replied.


(Back to current time-line) “Give me back my father!” I yelled, running in the water after him. He backhanded me into an oak tree; where I fell onto the floor, face down. I lifted my head and to my surprise, he was looking away and blocking his face from a small beam of water being shot by a small round, blue figure, with a white stomach with a swirl on it. He had stubby, little feet, two small, round eyes, pucker lips, and a tadpole tail. It was Poliwag. Ferraligator looked back at the pokemon known as Poliwag and sent a huge blast of water, hydro pump, at the small water pokemon. In it was my partner’s small home, a pokeball. It hit Politad and out came Chimchar, dog piled on Poliwag. They shook their heads, and jumped up, ready to fight. Ferraligator took a moment to scan the two pathetic pokemon. He laughed and used hydro pump. The giant blast hit both pokemon and they went a few feet underground. All the sudden the hole Chimchar was in started illuminating a bright red light. Chimchar came out growling, glowing red, and eyes on fire. Blaze was activated. Blaze is all fire starter’s special ability. When it is very injured, it’s fire powers are enhanced. He used Flame Wheel, rolling into a ball of fire. I was exited over the new move. He hit Ferraligator a few feet back. He then stood up right and sent him running with ember. He calmed down and fell down, fainted. The fisherman had dropped a max revive. I gave it to Chimchar. He jumped up, full of energy. Poliwag started fussing. I looked over and he was pointing to Chimchar’s pokeball. “You want me to catch you?’ He nodded. “I don’t have any pokeballs.” He went into the lake and came back with one on his tail. I was about to chuck it at Poliwag when he shook his head. He then kicked the air. “You wanna battle first?” He nodded. We got a good distance away and I said, “Chimchar, ember then flame wheel and finish with scratch!” Poliwag went flying once the ember hit him. He didn’t get a chance to hit the ground from flame wheel. He fainted with the scratch. I threw the pokeball at him. He went in. wiggle, wiggle. I stood there and watched, wondering if I would catch him. The results I had to know…
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  #2  
Old 11-05-2011, 05:56 AM
Kai-Mei Offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 43
Default Re: who says abilitys aren't helpful (rewrite)

Bahahaha, silly Kai is silly. I really ought to take a look at PE2K more often, don't I?

I'm glad to see that you've addressed the problems that I pointed out in my grade. The additional detail was really great-- now we can see mostly what's going on, which is a definite improvement compared to last time. In addition, you polished up your grammar and added some interesting nuances in there with the Feraligatr-stole-my-father sort of thing. I'm kind of curious to see if you'll end up continuing that sub-plot, because it could use some explanation (and it could be played for drama or for the "ohnoesmydadgotstolenbyacrocodile" sort of comedic thing... maybe...), but for now, I think you've made a good dent in the improvements that I asked. Your last verdict was super-borderline anyways, if I recall correctly, and I think I can safely say:

Poliwag: captured.

Good job! You've got a great start here, and I'm glad that you got around to rewriting this. ^.^
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  #3  
Old 11-05-2011, 05:56 AM
Kai-Mei Offline
Ultra RPG Official
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 43
Default Re: who says abilitys aren't helpful (rewrite)

Bahahaha, silly Kai is silly. I really ought to take a look at PE2K more often, don't I?

I'm glad to see that you've addressed the problems that I pointed out in my grade. The additional detail was really great-- now we can see mostly what's going on, which is a definite improvement compared to last time. In addition, you polished up your grammar and added some interesting nuances in there with the Feraligatr-stole-my-father sort of thing. I'm kind of curious to see if you'll end up continuing that sub-plot, because it could use some explanation (and it could be played for drama or for the "ohnoesmydadgotstolenbyacrocodile" sort of comedic thing... maybe...), but for now, I think you've made a good dent in the improvements that I asked. Your last verdict was super-borderline anyways, if I recall correctly, and I think I can safely say:

Poliwag: captured.

Good job! You've got a great start here, and I'm glad that you got around to rewriting this. ^.^
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  #4  
Old 11-05-2011, 03:09 PM
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Join Date: May 2010
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Default Re: who says abilitys aren't helpful (rewrite)

yays
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