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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-24-2007, 06:39 PM
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Default Feral Instincts

Survival instinct is a strong concept. The urge for a human to live is driven by fear of death, and leads the mind to adapt to whatever is necessary to better the chances of survival. Sometimes, an adaptation can be so pronounced, that the survivor loses sight of what it means to be human.

Part I: Preparation
July 2nd, 10:12 a.m.
Bom-Bwo Village

Deep in the Bahia Rainforest, miles from any established city, sits the small village of Bom-Bwo. The lives of its people are simple ones; their days consist of gathering firewood, preparing meals, and managing their minor businesses. The huts that served as their homes were crudely built of wood and mud, with some grasses used to tie the things together, and large leaves acting as shingles on the roofs. The ground was in a perpetual state of mud, with constant misting keeping it’s soupy consistency intact.

The villagers had no technology whatsoever. Everything they did, they did with their own two hands, and it showed in their craftsmanship, or lack thereof. The huts looked like they could be toppled over by the weakest Gust, and their tools were made by smacking rocks into each other. The only field they seemed to have perfected was tailoring. They sported brightly colored clothing, purples, oranges, yellows, and blues. The villagers cared for their outfits, washing them when they got dirty and carefully handling them.

The people of Bom-Bwo hadn’t yet reached the point of using Pokemon to help their day to day lives. In fact to them, even the notion of catching Pokemon for whatever reason was foreign to them. They merely saw the creatures as pests, and with good reason. The only Pokemon inhabiting the areas surrounding the village were Mankey, who made their living stealing food from the villagers. The packs of Pig Monkey Pokemon were always in the trees, watching for someone to leave their meal unattended.


Very few things happened in the village worth noting. So when anything unusual did happen, it was a big deal to the people. A group of explorers were passing through, resting in Bom-Bwo before setting out to venture deeper into Bahia Rainforest. The group consisted of five people. Two middle-aged men who were seasoned explorers and the leaders of the group, a mechanic, a cameraman, and a teenaged boy. The leaders were well equipped for the terrain, dressed in light weight clothing stuffed with useful gear. The cameraman wore casual clothes, with a shoulder bag holding all of his camera gear, and the camera itself constantly in hand, ready to start filming at any time. The mechanic played the role as maintenance man to the party, making sure their vehicles and whatnot were always in good shape. He was out of his element in the Rainforest, and the idea of exploring in general wasn’t too appealing to him.


The teenager was perhaps the most out of his element of the entire team. He had never gone hiking for any extended period, knew nothing about the terrain he was in, and didn’t even want to be there in the first place. He was dressed in all the wrong things - blue jeans, sneakers, a black T-shirt - all hindering rather than helping in the Rainforest. He was drenched with sweat and mist, and his biggest concern was trying to keep his hair styled while the others worked on navigation, filming, and repairs.

The group arrived in Bom-Bwo, and were greeted by the village chief. The chief was dressed in vibrant red colors, accessorized with attached red feathers, bracelets, and beads. He began to talk to the group with his broken English.


“Who are you, why are you in Bom-Bwo?” he said jaggedly, pausing in between each word as if planning out the next addition to his sentence.
“Hello sir, I am Laurence, the leader of our troupe,” said one of the middle-aged men. “To my left is our co-leader, Richard. Next to him is Austin the cameraman, Brian the mechanic, and his nephew Chris,” Laurence continued, pointing to each person.

Laurence and the Bom-Bwo chief continued talking, until Laurence was able to properly explain what he and his companions were doing in the village. They were filming a documentary on the mysteries of the Bahia, and were in the process of traveling to a small runway, where a private contractor waited to fly them deep into the Rainforest. The chief seemed to understand, to an extent, and allowed the travelers to rest in his village.

Everyone settled down to relax, and do their own thing for the time being. Laurence and Richard were talking to some of the village men, trying to get any sort of helpful information on the Bahia. Austin was instantly surrounded by curious visitors asking what his camera was, baffled by their first glimpse of modern technology. Brian simply laid down and slept, drained from the hike to Bom-Bwo. He was so tired he didn’t seem to mind he was laying in the mud.

Chris snuck behind a hut, and just sat there away from the locals. This wasn’t his idea of a summer vacation. All he could think about was being home, swimming in his glistening pool and relaxing the days away. But things changed when his parents received word they both had to leave on business, each going to far off places that Chris couldn’t accompany them to. They arranged for him to stay with his grandparents for the summer, only to find out his grandparents were hundreds of miles away, touring the country in their newly bought motor home. The last place for Chris to go was with his uncle. And it just so happened his uncle was scheduled to work with a documentarian.

Chris had brought two of his Pokemon along with him for company - his Quagsire, and Houndoom. Neither of them were fond of the Rainforest, and chose to stay confined to their Pokeballs as much as possible, defeating the purpose of having brought them for companionship. The teenager tried to pass the time by watching the clans of Mankey swinging from the trees. He contemplated whether to attempt to capture one, but decided not to waste his Pokeballs on common, thieving Mankey. Sometimes the bandits noticed Chris, and tossed sticks at him to see what would happened.
“Mankey, Mankey!” Chris heard in the distance. Upon hearing the cry, all of the Mankey he’d been watching hurriedly swung away, towards the cry.

Some of them fell out of the trees, having misjudged their jumps. Not even flinching, they continued to sprint on the ground. Just then, Chris noticed something strange. Some sort of figure joined up with the running Mankey, and ran with them - though it was obviously not a Mankey, nor even a Primeape. Chris knew little about Mankey and their social system, but it seemed strange to him that they’d allow a member of another species to join with them.

---

July 3rd, 8:30 a.m.
Bom-Bwo Village

The next day the group - well rested - prepared to set off on the hike to the runway. Everyone checked their equipment while Chris checked his hair. Laurence thanked the chief for allowing them to stay, and then they made there way to the edge of Bom-Bwo. Before they could leave, they were stopped by a female visitor. She appeared to be a mother, due to the fact that two small children were grabbing her legs, hiding behind her. She started to speak.
“You go into Rainforest?” her English was just as broken as the chief’s. “You go into Rainforest? Yes?”
“Correct, we are going into Bahia Rainforest,” Laurence answered.
“Ah, you go into Rainforest - you watch out for Shredder. Shredder demon. Demon live in Rainforest, Demon get you!” she warned.
“Um, yes, well, thank you for the warning, we’ll be sure to watch out for this Shredder character,” Laurence humored her. “Well boys, let’s be on our way,” he said. The woman stepped aside and the group left Bom-Bwo.
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Old 03-24-2007, 06:40 PM
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Default Re: Feral Instincts

Part II: Disaster
July 3rd, 4:32 p.m.
Runway

After a day of exhausting travel, the group arrived at the runway, which was merely a long stretch of flattened grass. There was a pair of small airplanes, each able to hold four people, including the pilot. Next to the planes stood two men, who appeared similar to the people of Bom-Bwo, but these men wore commercial clothes instead of hand made robes.

Laurence and Richard approached the two men and talked to them, while Austin filmed it. Brian and Chris both just sat down and rested, watching from afar.

Once the arrangements were made, Laurence called Brian and Chris over.
“Okay guys, this is the plan,” Laurence began. “Austin, Brian, and I will be in the first plane - us and the pilot makes four. Richard and Chris will take the second plane. We’re going to fly back toward Bom-Bwo, but go a considerable way north of there. Alright, let’s board.”

The first plane boarded. The craft was painted with dark greens on the outside, forming camouflage blotches. The inside was rather cramped. Just about everything was banged up or scratched, the seats were damp, and a musty smelled filled the air. Despite the discomfort and aesthetic problems, the pilot managed to get the thing into the air, and the plane flew properly. Moments later, once the runway was clear, the second plane followed suit, taking to the air without a problem.

Chris and Richard tried to rest up during their flight, but it was anything but smooth. Plus, the constant chatter between the two pilots over their static-happy radios kept everyone awake. Chris could feel his eyelids getting heavy. Every time he blinked, it took slightly longer to open his eyes again. Soon enough, he managed to fall asleep, only to be awaken moments later by loud beeping and the pilots frantic screaming.
“What’s going on!?” Chris shouted.
“Something’s wrong, the pilot is losing control!” Richard said, trying his hardest to stay calm.

Chris could hear the engine struggling and stuttering. The other pilot came in over the radio.
“What is going on, what is your condition?” the pilot asked.
“We’re being forced way off course - I can not control the plane!” replied the second pilot.
“Can you see a place to land?”
“No!”
“Chris, take this!” Richard said, reaching under his seat to pull out a pair of parachutes.

Chris put on the parachute, and looked out the window of the plane, which was dropping at a fantastic speed. Thick black smoke was spewing from the back of the plane, and it was clear that the pilot wouldn’t be able to regain control.
“This is it Chris, jump!” Richard ordered, jumping out of the plane.

Chris climbed into the front and jumped out Richard’s door, and began plummeting toward the ground. The plane was already so low that there wasn’t enough altitude to properly deploy the parachute. Out of pure desperation, Chris had to quickly pull the cord and release the chute, and was sent spinning in circles while the parachute tried to set up. Chris was sent soaring, and saw Richard soaring the complete opposite direction. He felt something slide out of his pants pocket, and managed to see one of his Pokeballs plummeting towards the ground.

The parachute had straightened out, but Chris was still gliding way too fast and too close to the canopy of trees to safely attempt a landing. He had never had to use a parachute before, and had not idea hoe to properly control it. Instead of trying to steer or slow his decent, the only thing he could fathom was to hold onto the parachute as hard as he could.

Although he didn’t know it, Chris was soaring in a direction towards Bom-Bwo. The rate of his decent would land him a good fifty miles away at least, and un-guided he’d have no chance of finding the village. As he descended, he started smacking his legs into tree tops. The parachute was getting snagged by branches and was starting to tear. Chris could feel his body being scratched as the twigs whipped him. He could see the ground, and was feeling confident he would land safely. As he began thinking about how he’d land, he collided head on with a large tree, instantly being knocked out. The parachute carried his unconscious body the rest of the way down, landing with a loud thump.
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Last edited by Razzmatazz; 03-24-2007 at 08:18 PM.
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Old 03-24-2007, 06:40 PM
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Default Re: Feral Instincts

Part III: Disorientation
July 4th, 6:17 a.m.
Bahia Rainforest

Chris had remained knocked out for the duration of the night. Once the parachute settled, it gently landed on top of Chris, forming a blanket of sorts and hiding him from any dangerous predators in the area. A pack of curious Mankey were attracted to the bright yellow colors of the parachute, and cautiously honed in to investigate. They lifted it out of the way, revealing Chris. He was in bad shape. His exposed arms and face were covered in scratches, his clothes were covered in dried mud, and his hair was covered in dead leaves. The Mankey looked past all that - right to his pockets. They stuck their little hands into the pockets of the blue jeans, feeling around for anything of interest that they could steal.


Chris was awaken by the prodding hands in his pockets. His eyes opened, his heart began racing, and he tightly grabbed the straps of the parachute before realizing he was already on the ground. The Mankey all jumped back, and simply stared at Chris to see what he was going to do.
“Get out of here, go on, get!” Chris yelled, kicking dirt towards the pack, who climbed into the trees to safely observe their specimen from there. “What… where am I…” he said to himself in a mumbled voice.

He took off the parachute, and sat down on it to think. His head was spinning, and his entire body was sore. He gazed up toward the sky, only to see dozens of Mankey sitting in the trees, gazing back at him.
“Mankey! Mankey!”
They all ran away to answer their companions call.
“That didn’t sound like a Mankey making that call… but then, what else could it have been?” Chris though to himself. “I’ve got to get help!” “BRIAN! BRIAN! LAURENCE, AUSTIN, RICHARD! ANYBODY!” he screamed. Chris kept shouting their names until his throat was too soar to continue yelling.

The Rainforest was a very uneasy place. The air was muggy, thick, and wet with mist. There wasn’t a dry piece of land anywhere. Visibility was low, and the few areas where Chris’s vision wasn’t obscured by trees or foliage were shrouded by a thick fog, hiding whatever was in the distance. It had to be at least ninety-five degrees. Chris’s clothes were soaked from a combination of mist, mud, and sweat.

Chris remembered one of his Pokeballs fell out of his pocket during his crash landing, but realized he still had his other one. Digging into his pocket, he was relieved to find that no Mankey had stolen his last remaining Pokemon. He took the ball, and released his Pokemon, wondering if it would be Houndoom or Quagsire. The flash of light materialized into the shape of a dog, with devilish horns and a long, pronounced tail.
“Houndoom!” roared the Pokemon.
“Oh, Houndoom - am I ever glad to see you. We’re lost, I need you to try and blaze a trail back to… well, anywhere but here. Use Odor Sleuth, and try to find something, anything.”


Houndoom led the way, his nose glued to the ground. The Dark Pokemon busily sniffed the dirt and the mud, searching for any trace of salvation. Chris carefully followed, keeping alert. Suddenly, he picked up a scent. Houndoom began to pick up speed, and eventually gave up sniffing altogether and began a sprint. Chris struggled to keep up with him, and followed him to a river.
Chris was startled to see what they had discovered. An open Pokeball sat on the rivers edge, and a few feet next to it was Chris’s Quagsire, collapsed. His body was covered in scratches and Mankey fur, leading Chris to believe that a hoard of Mankey had overpowered the poor Pokemon.
“Quagsire, are you okay?” Chris asked. There was no response from the Pokemon. Chris picked up the open ball, and withdrew the fainted Quagsire.

“Mankey, come, Mankey!” a voice in the distance shouted.
“What was that? Did that Mankey use… a word?” Chris said, while he and Houndoom looked at each other for an answer.

Across the river, out of the denseness of the trees came a few Mankey, along with a truly startling companion - a human boy. The boy was young, appearing to be about seven or eight years old. His hair was extremely long, and heavily matted, as if it had never even been cut. He wore a pair of tattered shorts, and no shoes. On his body was a makeshift tunic of sorts, apparently made of Mankey fur. Seeing this boy, Chris thought to himself - could this child be the “Shredder” that the villager in Bom-Bwo spoke of?


“Wow… Houndoom, look at that… a feral child, living among the Mankey…” Chris was still astonished. The boy moved on all fours, and displayed many characteristics of a Mankey in his body language. “Hey… can you speak my language?” Chris asked the child.

The boy didn’t seem to acknowledge that Chris was speaking to him, much like the Mankey didn’t.
“Mankey, Mankey!” The boy said to the actual Pokemon.
“You… you truly believe you’re a Mankey? Don’t you… Shredder?”
“Shredder? No, Shredder a Mankey!” the boy understood the name Chris had called him.
“You’ve been to Bom-Bwo, a woman there told me about you. You know where Bom-Bwo is, right? Can you take me there?”
“Mankey…” he said. He was trying to listen, but couldn’t understand Chris’s words.
“Um… let’s see here… You, Shredder,” he said, pointing at him. “Me, Chris,” he said, pointing at himself. “Shredder help Chris? Shredder help Chris to Bom-Bwo?”
“… Go Mankey, away Shredder,” he told the Mankey, and they obediently retreated into the thick Rainforest. “Shredder… help… Chris…” the feral boy said, reluctantly. The river separating them was too large to jump across, even from a tree, and Shredder appeared to not know how to swim. He hopped around, looking for a way to cross the river. He saw a series of floating lily pads, and decided to use them to hop across.

“Are you sure you should jump on them Shredder? They look like they’re Lotad…”
“Shredder do!” he shouted to Chris, and proceeded to jump onto the first lily pad. The flowers were in fact Lotad Pokemon, but Shredder had used this tactic to bridge the river before.

The Pokemon couldn’t support much weight, and Shredder’s presence on their lily pads caused them to start sinking. To avoid getting wet, Shredder had to quickly bounce from one to the other. Chris watched in amazement as Shredder moved. But then Chris got to thinking - Shredder and the Mankey he lives with were very similar, and Shredder had just then noticed the Lotad bridge. That would mean that Shredder and his Mankey clan hadn’t been on Chris’s side of the river, and they couldn’t have attacked Quagsire.
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Old 03-24-2007, 06:42 PM
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Default Re: Feral Instincts

Part IV: Confrontation
July 4th, 7:33 a.m.
Bahia Rainforest - River

Chris heard some noises behind him, and turned around to see a different group of Mankey, led by a slightly larger, scruffier one. They knew they were spotted, and began jumping up and down and shrieking. Houndoom let out a ferocious Roar, forcing most of the pack to panic and flee. The scruffy one remained, however, showing no fear.

Houndoom’s Roar startled the bridge of snoozing Lotad, one of which awoke to discover there was a child on its head. Naturally, it didn’t take too kindly to this intrusion. Shredder leaped off the Pokemon and onto Chris’s side of the river before the Lotad could attack him. But the persistent lotus decided then and there it wanted to cause harm to Shredder, and got it’s six stubby feet crawling, pulling itself onto land.


The fearless Mankey also wanted to fight, not for any kind of revenge, purely from rage. The Mankey and the Lotad both came at Chris, Shredder, and Houndoom from two opposite directions. They were surrounded, and the normally battle-capable Houndoom was at a double loss - fighting two Pokemon at once, and with a weakness to both. The hound kept spinning in increments of one-eighty degrees, trying to cover both his foes. He kept a constant growl, hoping to intimidate the attackers. Lotad opened it’s bill like mouth wide, and spat out a Water Gun attack at Houndoom. Houndoom nimbly dodged the attack, only to be met with a Karate Chop from Mankey.

“Oh no… if this were one on one, Houndoom could take either of them, but he can’t handle both at once…” Chris said, dismally.
“Shredder… help…” the child began. “Shredder help Chris!” he repeated, more enthusiastically the second time. “Shredder hit Mankey!” he shouted, as he lunged at the attacking Mankey, wrestling it to the ground.

“What? Shredder, are you sure you can handle it? Wait a second… he acts just like a Mankey, he lives with them - he knows how to fight them and fight as one of them! Go Shredder, fustigate that Mankey!”

Shredder and the Mankey wrestled on the ground, until Mankey was able to free itself. The Pig Monkey Screeched at Shredder, but it had no effect on the boy, who countered with a brutal Cross Chop.

Houndoom, now only having to worry about the Lotad, was feeling much more confident. His growls intensified, as he waited for orders from Chris.
“Doom, Doom!” he growled, raising his lip to reveal his sharp teeth.
“Houndoom, Bite it!” Chris ordered.
“Houndoom, Doom!” he barked, launching at Lotad and biting into it’s lily pad. Lotad flinched in pain, allowing Houndoom to quickly deliver another Bite. Lotad Growled, and desperately tried to retreat into the river, but it was no use. Houndoom pounced on it and used Bite again.

Meanwhile, Shredder and Mankey were engaged in a fierce duel. Mankey attacked with Fury Swipes, scratching at Shredder, who was semi-protected against the attack from his crude fur tunic. In retaliation, Shredder slid into Mankey with a Low Kick, tripping the Pokemon to the ground. Shredder acted totally on his own, much like a real wild Mankey would. While Mankey was down, Shredder hit it with a nasty Karate Chop. The Mankey was in pain, but wouldn’t show it. It quickly bounced up to its feet, and grabbed Shredder to perform a Seismic Toss attack, jumping into the air and preparing to slam Shredder down to the ground below. But in mid-air, Shredder wriggled free, and countered with another Low Kick, causing Mankey to painfully fall to the ground while Shredder landed gently on his feet. The real Mankey and the human imitator were quite an even match, fiercely exchanging blows.

With Mankey under control, Houndoom was able to have a little fun with Lotad. He took his time attacking, giving the Lotad false hope it would actually escape into the water. Lotad finally understood it couldn’t escape, and tried to attack Houndoom. Lotad concentrated, and it’s lily pad seemed to be reacting and glowing - it was trying to Absorb Houndoom’s health.

“Don’t let it do that to you Houndoom, and stop messing around - finish it, now!” Chris ordered.

Houndoom was easily able to resist the attempted Absorb due to his Fire type qualities. Ignoring Chris’s advice to stop fooling with his prey, Houndoom slowly trotted toward Lotad in a menacing fashion. This gave Lotad enough time to spit out a Water Gun, hitting Houndoom right in the face.
“Houndoom! Doom!” he cried. Steam began to raise off of him as his fiery body heat was reacting to the water.
“See what happened Houndoom ? What if that was a Hydro Pump, you’d be downed! Be serious when you battle, please! Now, Crunch it!”
Houndoom too grew tired of toying with his victim, and attacked it with a vicious Crunch. Lotad fell over in pain, struggling to stay in the fight.

Shredder and Mankey continued their heated battle. Both were growing weary, and Shredder was finally the first to give in, being knocked down by one of Mankey’s Karate Chops. Shredder dragged himself over to Chris to escape further attack from Mankey.
“You did great Shredder, just relax - Houndoom can finish up.”
“Shredder… helped…” he said, weakly.
“Houndoom, go finish off the Mankey!” Chris ordered.

Mankey knew he had a strong advantage over a Dark type. It figured one good Cross Chop would be enough to drop Houndoom. Mankey lunged at Houndoom, both hands ready to inflict a devastating attack.
“Houndoom! Use Counter! Do it now!” Chris ordered.
“Doom!” the Pokemon roared, bracing himself.
“Get ready, here it comes!” Chris warned.

Mankey was just about to chop Houndoom, when he miraculously slid right out of the way. Houndoom launched himself at Mankey, and in a display of pure power, dropped the Pokemon to its knees.
“Well done Houndoom! You too Shredder, you both did great!” Chris said. “Hmm… Houndoom is bound to be tired from that battle, and Quagsire probably isn’t in tip top shape yet either - and who knows how long Shredder will choose to hang around… If I get both of these injured Pokemon on my side, I’ll at least increase my chances of survival out here…”

Chris pulled out a pair of empty Pokeballs from his pockets. He handed one to Shredder.
“Give it a go, Shredder - toss this at the Mankey!” Chris said. “Pokeball, go!” Chris threw the ball at the Lotad, and watched as it got sucked it. Shredder followed suit, throwing his Pokeball at Mankey.
“Good throw Shredder. Let’s see what happens…” Chris watched as both balls wiggled. Back and forth, back and forth. His survival was potentially on the line, adding an extra factor of desperation to the equation. The balls wiggled… wiggled… wiggled…

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Last edited by Razzmatazz; 03-25-2007 at 03:03 PM.
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Old 03-25-2007, 03:04 PM
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Default Re: Feral Instincts

Ready To Be Graded
Pokemon: Lotad & Mankey
Characters: Aprox. 25k
(Note) I plan to make this into a mini-series, the loose ends will be tied up later

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Old 03-26-2007, 01:08 AM
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Default Re: Feral Instincts

Story/Plot: This was really original. You obviously put a lot of thought into developing the storyline. I especially liked the Mankey-boy. It kinda reminded me of Tarzan with his gorilla likeness, but there were obvious differences and you pulled off a really neat twist.

Grammar/Spelling: Very, very few mistakes. You made sure everything was correctly capitalized, dialogue usage was correct, everything was in tip top shape. There was only one consistent error I noticed:

Quote:
The ground was in a perpetual state of mud, with constant misting keeping itís soupy consistency intact.
Quote:
But the persistent lotus decided then and there it wanted to cause harm to Shredder, and got itís six stubby feet crawling, pulling itself onto land.
Quote:
Lotad opened itís bill like mouth wide, and spat out a Water Gun attack at Houndoom.
To show possession, those should all be ďitsĒ. ďItísĒ is a contraction for ďit isĒ so it wouldnít sound right in the way youíve used it there.

Other than that, Iím pretty sure your grammar was flawless. Itís nice to someone who knows how to use MS Word. ;P

Length:
The Pokemon you went for did little justice for the amount youíve written. Those two combined only required half this amount. I would have probably included another Simple somehow in that end scene there, you had plenty of characters for it. :P

Battle: Monkey boy knows Pokemon moves? That was a pretty cool twist. I canít say I wasnít surprised to see Shredder use Karate Chop, but you wrote in a way that made it believable. I really liked Houndoomís battle with Lotad though, especially how you brought in the dog-like characteristic of playing with their prey. Overall, this turned out very well.

Outcome: I barely even critiqued anything; obviously youíve got yourself a capture. Lotad and Mankey captured! Great story. Iím interested to see where you go with this. :)
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