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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 09-14-2009, 12:58 PM
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Default Into the SS Anne

Into the SS Anne

Pokemon attempted: Skorupi and Croagunk
Characters needed: 30-50k
Characters achieved: 46,075 (with spaces), 38,145 (without spaces)


The massive, grime-covered vessel sat, a hulking beast, in the center of the warehouse. Wide, dim, dusty, overexposed lights shone down from the ceiling, illuminating the surface of the barge and casting eerie, foreboding shadows into every corner. Water still stood on the deck, a testament to the ship’s recent discovery, and there were occasionally strange thumps or other such noises emanating from within the freighter.

Jackson Swift stood at the entrance to the warehouse, dressed in the standard red and gold uniform of the Pokemon Rangers, with his flat-brimmed baseball cap cocked to the side. He surveyed the front of the ship with genuine interest, his eyes searching out every single detail he could find.

At the lower right corner of the ship’s triangular, swept-back bow, he saw the faded name of the vessel. All that remained of it was S An e, the letters painted in a fancy, flowing type. Despite the missing letters, it was obvious what the ship was.

It was the fabled, long-lost, SS Anne.

The ship had been the prime ocean liner when it was first developed, and had sailed out of Vermilion City, in the Kanto Region, making its way to Fuchsia City, and also to the port city of Olivine in the Johto Region. After nearly ten years of service, the ship had been commissioned for an even wider route, extending all the way out to the regions of Hoenn, Sinnoh, Orre, and Almia. The SS Anne had been the penultimate attraction to all those who saw fit to call themselves “high-class” citizens, and for good reason – the ocean liner was the largest of its class, and was outfitted with the largest and most fashionable dining hall on the sea, state-of-the-art cabin suites with air-conditioning, heating, and spectacular views of the ocean, and the most exquisite and exotic foods from all over the world, paired with the finest crew of cooks and sailors imaginable. It had been, by all accounts during its time, perfect.

But then, suddenly, at the absolute prime of its life, tragedy struck the Anne. Out at sea on a luxury cruise to Snowpoint City in the Sinnoh Region, the ship had mysteriously vanished. There had been no signs of shipwreck, no passengers had been found drifting at sea or washed up on shore. There was no explanation.

All good things must come to an end, Jackson thought grimly.

“There she is,” a gruff, older man with a thick, graying beard said. He stood next to Jackson, and was dressed in the finest tailored suit money could buy, and had a bronze pocket watch attached to a chain in his pocket. “We found her off the shores of Haruba Village, in Almia. It was quite an undertaking to tow her back here and put her into storage, but we managed to do it with nary a scratch on her. She’s just as she was when we found her.”

“It’s a wonder you did find her,” Jackson said. “After vanishing without a trace thirty years ago, you’d think someone would have found or heard something a lot sooner.”

“I know,” the other man responded. “It is just one more thing to add to the great mysteries of the world’s history.”

“Mr. Delucio,” Jackson said, turning to the man. “Why is it that you brought me here? I am honored to be able to get a glimpse of the Anne before she’s restored, but this can’t just be a favor because you knew my father.”

“Ah, yes,” Delucio said, smiling thoughtfully. He placed a wide, strong hand on Jackson’s shoulder and nodded. “Your father was a great man. It is a shame that he had to be taken from us in such a mysterious accident.”

“I’d prefer not to talk about it, if you don’t mind.”

“Yes, of course.” Delucio removed his hand and adjusted his suit jacket around his rather substantial midsection. “Well, as you know, Jackson, you are one of the most prominent Pokemon Rangers in the Union.”

“When you’ve been at it for twenty years, it’s hard not to be,” Jackson said, letting a small smile form on his lips. “Especially when most of the Rangers nowadays are newer recruits, barely out of high school, all enthusiasm and no knowledge or idea of what they’re getting into.”

“Well, I’m sure you know what that’s like,” Delucio replied with a chuckle, his gray eyes surveying the Ranger thoughtfully. “You were there once.”

“Yeah,” Jackson said. “But that was a long time ago. Experience is the greatest weapon a man can have.” He placed his thumbs into the belt loops on his pants and his expression suddenly turned serious. “Mr. Delucio. Let’s get to business. I am honored you’ve brought me here, but I think it’s important for me to know the exact purpose of my visit. You said you required my skills.”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Delucio said, looking grimly up at the ocean liner before them. “As you know, Lilycove City’s History Museum prides itself on having the most pristine and prime relics and examples of our world’s history. The SS Anne would be a perfect addition to our collection, and we plan to begin the restoration as soon as possible.”

“So what’s the hold up?”

“You see, there are certain… complications.” Delucio wiped a drop of sweat from his brow and looked at Jackson with disdain. “Two Pokemon reside within the interior of the liner, and are rather… well, hostile.”

“So you want me to remove them?” Jackson asked.

“Yes, that’s the idea.” Delucio nodded, smiling once again. “I’m glad you’re beginning to see things my way.”

“You understand that this will likely take longer than you would like.” Jackson folded his arms. “I will have to contact the Ranger Union about the situation, find out what the specific Pokemon are that reside within the SS Anne, and then work with the Union to find a suitable habitat to return the Pokemon to.” He watched Delucio’s reaction as he spoke, trying to get a feel for the Museum Director’s feelings on the matter.

“Surely, you could simply retrieve the Pokemon now, and then work on finding them a suitable location later?” Delucio asked. Jackson shook his head.

“There are regulations regarding the ethical treatment of wild Pokemon. We have to make sure they have a suitable habitat before removing them from their comfort zone.”

“Regulations be damned,” Delucio said, rather too casually, Jackson thought. “This is a matter of preserving and restoring history. The longer this ship sits in here, the more corrosion is going to wear away at it, making the restoration much more difficult.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Delucio, but those regulations are in place for a reason,” Jackson said. “It could cause severe emotional and psychological distress for those Pokemon to be removed, without having a safe and natural environment to be placed in.”

“Why not simply capture them in your fancy Pokeballs and be done with it?”

“I’m not a trainer.” Jackson fixed Delucio with a serious stare. “Pokemon are not just trophies to be captured. I have Pokemon of my own, but I don’t go around casually capturing every Pokemon I see. The two Pokemon inside the Anne are obviously distressed by the possibility of their home being tampered with or taken from them. I assure you, I will work with the Ranger Union to find as quick and safe of a solution as possible.”

“Well, Jackson, that is, quite simply, unacceptable,” Delucio said, shaking his head. His voice seemed to be growing harsher as he spoke, and Jackson was worried about where this was leading. “I see that you have regulations, but our museum also has certain standards we must abide by. It is for the sake of history, you see.”

“And my standards are for the sake of Pokemon’s well-being,” Jackson said firmly. “It’s clear we do not see eye to eye on the matter. I will inform you on the Union’s decision. Good day, Mr. Delucio.” Jackson began towards the double-doors of the warehouse to leave.

“And what if we simply… go ahead with the restoration?” Delucio asked. Jackson stopped in his tracks, but didn’t face the Director. “What if we simply cannot wait any longer, and must go on with the restoration, regardless of the circumstances?”

“That would be illegal,” Jackson said, turning to face Delucio. “Based on the amount of harm, both physical and psychological, that you cause to those Pokemon, there would be severe charges placed on both you and your company.”

“Do you have any idea how much money I possess?” Delucio asked. Jackson looked upon his father’s old friend, and saw in his eyes a terrifying look. It was a look of pure greed, and nothing else. Money and power was all that was motivating the Museum Director, and the thought of such a man in such a position of power scared Jackson more than anything he’d ever seen or heard. Delucio smiled. “I can handle your petty charges. I called you in here because I thought that, what with your experience and personal interest in finding more about your father’s disappearance aboard this ship, you would be willing to cooperate. I see now that I was wrong.”

“Mr. Delucio, as I stated before, I have certain regulations that I must abide by,” Jackson said, fighting to keep his voice steady. “If you cannot respect that, you are breaking the law, and, as such, will be punished accordingly.”

“Can you really just walk away?” Delucio asked. “Can you walk away, when the answers you’ve been seeking lie just within your reach? Even more, can you walk away when wild Pokemon, which you have lived to protect and care for, could possibly be harmed?” The Director fixed Jackson with a challenging gaze. “I would not walk out those doors quite so easily, my old friend.”

“My father was your friend,” Jackson said, but didn’t elaborate on the point, not wanting to turn this conversation into a more personal argument. He stood in silence for a long time, weighing his options. He should go back to report the situation to the Ranger Union and wait for their decision on how to best handle the matter. But, he was a senior Pokemon Ranger, and thus, had certain powers when it came to situations like this. He did have the authority to take matters into his own hands, if need be, and in this situation, it seemed like that was the best option. Who knew how long the Union would take to reach a decision? The Ranger leaders were remarkably fast at coming to such decisions for a bureaucracy, but Delucio seemed dead-set on getting the restoration underway immediately. And immediately was a lot faster than the Union would come to a decision, no matter how quickly they decided.

“What will you do, Jackson?” Delucio asked.

Jackson sighed and shook his head. “I’ll take a look inside,” he said. “I’ll find the wild Pokemon, and see if I can work with them.”

“Excellent,” Delucio said, his greedy smile growing to frightening proportions. “Good luck, Jackson.”

“Thanks,” Jackson said, walking towards the ocean liner. “I guess.”

The Pokemon Ranger went around to the side of the SS Anne, where the museum workers who had tried to look over the ocean liner earlier had erected a ladder leading up to the main deck. Jackson adjusted his belt of Pokeballs and began his climb. The ladder was metal, and, though it seemed to have earlier been in pristine condition, seemed to have now had grime rub off from the hull of the SS Anne, making climbing it a little bit a of a slippery endeavor.

Jackson reached the main deck of the vessel without event, and took a look around. The once beautiful, pearl-colored main deck was now green and grey, faded and covered with sludge, seaweed, and mold. The floor underfoot was slippery, and made a squishing noise every few steps, when Jackson would step on a patch off moss or grime.

“Where did you say the wild Pokemon were located?” the Ranger called down to Delucio.

“In the lower decks,” came the response. “They were last spotted near the engine room.”

“The engine room,” Jackson muttered with a sigh. “Great.” If I remember correctly, that means that it’s the farthest room from here. He made his way to the door to the upper level cabins, and placed a hand on the rusted metal handle. It felt disgusting, what with the jagged brown strips of metal and the slippery grime covering it, but he fought back his distaste and pulled on the handle. The door opened with great effort, scraping loudly and revealing an unlit hallway beyond.

Jackson stepped into that hallway and peered into the semi-darkness. Dim light filtered in through the circular windows lining the hall, but a mist hung in the air – not dust, it was far too wet for that – and a foul stench reached the Ranger’s nose.

“Lovely,” he muttered, taking a few cautious steps, keeping alert for any sign of movement. As he treaded down the hallway, he couldn’t stop the memories that began to come back to him, from so very long ago…

“Jackson,” his father said, kneeling down and placing a hand on his shoulder. He was only eight years old, and his father was preparing to leave on a business trip to Sinnoh on the SS Anne. “You take care of your mother for me, okay?”

“I will, dad,” Jackson said, hugging his father tight. His dad’s rough, well-kept scruff of a beard scratched against his cheeks, but he liked that feeling. He always had.

“I know, son,” his father said, gripping him tightly back. He released his son and looked into the future Pokemon Ranger’s big, blue-green eyes that sparkled with the liveliness of youth. “And don’t worry about me. I’ll be back before you know it. It’s only a two day conference, and the trip there and back only takes two weeks.”

“Why can’t I go this time, dad?” Jackson asked. His father had taken him on many of his business trips, but for some reason had never even suggested the idea for this one.

His dad smiled and ruffled his thick mass of black hair. “Your mother needs you, that’s why,” he said. Jackson scowled back at him. He had a feeling his dad was holding back something, but he knew well enough to not ask. If his dad wouldn’t give the information willingly, there was no way Jackson was going to force it out of him.

“Okay…” he said with a sigh, slumping his shoulders. The
SS Anne’s horn blew, and Jackson’s father stood up and patted his son’s head.

“Time for me to go,” he said. He turned from Jackson to his wife – Jackson’s mother, Ciana – and wrapped his arms around her tight. Ciana was a short woman, slight of frame, but very beautiful. She had long, shimmering brown hair and big blue eyes that Jackson’s father said “glittered with joy.” And indeed, her whole being emanated with joy… she was the happiest, kindest woman that Jackson knew.

“Take care of yourself, Landon,” Ciana said, looking up into her husband’s eyes. “Call us when you get there.”

“I will,” Landon said. Ciana stood up on her tiptoes and the two of them kissed on the lips twice. They released each other at last, and Landon turned, hefting his briefcase and smiling back at his family as he made his way to the boarding ramp…


Continued in next post...
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Last edited by KantoChamp46; 09-19-2009 at 01:14 PM.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:01 PM
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Default Re: Into the SS Anne

“Thirty years ago,” Jackson murmured, peering into one of the cabin suites, which was destroyed by so much time spent, presumably, on the ocean floor somewhere. “And nothing to explain what happened.” He continued on down the corridor, finding his way to a door that, if he remembered correctly, led to the ballroom and the attached dining room. He gripped the handle and pulled the door open, and this one made a sloshing sound on the soaked carpet. He pushed it against the wall of the corridor and stepped through into the ballroom.

“Now this is interesting,” he said as he entered. The ballroom had suffered its damages, yes, but there was something very curious about the affair: the tables and chairs were all standing upright in their regular spots, and the marvelous glass chandelier that hung over the ballroom was still hanging, not a single crystal-like glass shard missing.

Jackson was standing on a balcony sort of walkway that ran along the edge of the second floor of the ballroom, and he stepped over to a wide staircase and walked down it to get a better look at the ballroom from the first floor.

“Something’s not right here…” the Ranger surveyed the ballroom, looking at how clean it looked. The carpet was dirty and soaked, and everything had obviously been underwater for a long time… but it was so neatly organized.

“Skor!” a shrill, definitely not human, voice sounded from Jackson’s left. The Ranger turned and laid eyes on a blue scorpion-like Pokemon standing atop one of the circular tables. Its razor-sharp fangs were bared angrily, and it waved its circular, clawed hands in wild patterns, gesturing strangely at Jackson.

“A Skorupi,” the Ranger muttered, completely un-intimidated by the Pokemon. “Strange to see one of those in such a place.”

“Skor! Skorupi!” the Skorupi shrieked, its long, dual-stinger tipped tail curled up and ready to strike at a moment’s notice. Jackson tried hard not to laugh. He knew the poison that Skorupi secreted was deadly, but the Poison-type was so small, and had such an almost cute appearance, that it was very hard to take such a creature seriously.

“Hey,” Jackson said, stepping forward cautiously, his eyes locked with the Skorupi’s. “Listen. I’m a Pokemon Ranger. The name’s Jackson. I’m here to help you, and whatever other Pokemon are on board this ship. Why are you here?”

“Skorupi-skor!” the Poison-type chattered. It put on a good act, but Jackson could see that, beneath the angry, intimidating act, there was a frightened wild Pokemon.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me,” Jackson said slowly. “I want to help you. If you don’t leave this ship, bad people are going to come along and hurt you. I need to get you somewhere safe, so that that doesn’t happen.”

“Skor!” the Skorupi chattered, and jumped off of the table, scurrying across the floor on its tiny little claw-like legs towards the far end of the ballroom.

“Hey, wait!” Jackson shouted, and took off after the Pokemon. Skorupi skittered under a table, which Jackson almost ran across, until he thought about what kind of damage it might cause. He wasn’t sure how sturdy the tables would be now after thirty years underwater. He ran around it, and saw that the Poison-type had gained ground, heading for the kitchen, another fifty yards away.

“Skor, skor!” Skorupi cried, knocking over a chair behind it, forcing Jackson to jump over it. The scorpion-like Pokemon did a figure-eight around a group of tables, then doubled back towards the kitchen. Jackson was waiting for it, crouched low, blocking Skorupi’s path.

“Skor!!!” Skorupi yelled, and jumped amazingly high, soaring over Jackson and landing deftly behind him. Jackson spun around, his mouth gaping in shock, as the Pokemon skittered away into the kitchen.

“No way!” he shouted, racing after Skorupi. “Come on, I’m just trying to help!” He entered the kitchen, and was met with a thrown frying pan to the stomach. He grunted and doubled over, the wind knocked out of him for just a moment, and looked up to his quarry disappear under a storage rack. “Whew. You stopped. Maybe now you’ll listen to me.” He crouched down and crawled slowly towards the storage rack, eyes locked on where he had seen the Poison-type Pokemon disappear. “Come on out, Skorupi. I’m not going to hurt you. Please, just listen to me.” He was within mere inches of the storage rack now.

“Skor!!!” came the cry, but from above him. The Ranger rolled over and looked up, only to see an aluminum cookie sheet smacking him in the face.

“Ow!!!” he cried, collapsing onto his back and covering his face. “What the heck?” He struggled to his feet and saw Skorupi skittering off across the tiled, moss-covered kitchen floor towards another room, all the while chittering in a way that sounded like laughter.

“You think this is funny?” Jackson asked, chasing after the wild Pokemon. Sometimes, being a Ranger can be a real pain, he thought as Skorupi disappeared through a doorway into a dark room. He barreled through the doorway, throwing caution to the wind, and immediately regretted it as his feet struck a barrier and he fell forward, barely catching himself from smacking his face into the floor. He rolled onto his side with a groan and looked back to see what he had tripped over. There, in the doorway, was a wooden crate, obviously full of something heavy, placed oh so conveniently in his path.

“Skor-skor-skor!” he heard Skorupi laugh behind him, and he whipped around to see the Poison-type’s silhouette dancing near the back of the room.

“Stop laughing,” Jackson growled, coming up to a crouch and staying as still as he could. “I get it, already. You get a kick out of watching me make a fool of myself. But can you at least hear me out?”

“Skor!” Skorupi replied, in a tone that sounded remarkable like “no.” The scorpion Pokemon turned around and disappeared into the shadows beyond.

“Great…” Jackson muttered, clambering to his feet. He pulled a Pokeball from his belt. “It only gets darker from here, so I’m gonna need your help. Go, Shocks!” The Pokeball burst open in his hand, shooting forth a sparkle of bright light, which solidified into a Pokemon’s silhouette. “We need some light, partner. Use Flash.”

“Kid,” the Pokemon replied in a scratchy voice. The Pokemon held up a finger, and light shone forth from it in every direction, bathing the room in a bright yellow glow. The Pokemon using the attack was an Elekid, a yellow Electric-type Pokemon. He was somewhat humanoid in appearance, standing about two feet tall, with a rounded body and antennae that looked like the prongs of a plug. Shocks smiled up at Jackson and waited for his trainer’s command.

“Thanks, buddy,” Jackson said, smiling back at his partner. “Listen, we’re in a ship that’s been under the ocean for a long time, but now it’s been found. Some people want to restore it to better condition, but there are wild Pokemon aboard that might get hurt if we don’t get them off. I’m gonna need your help, but try not to hurt any wild Pokemon you see. Focus on using Thunder Wave to paralyze them, if anything. Got that?”

“Kid,” Shocks said, nodding his head enthusiastically. He turned toward the way that Skorupi had gone, and stretched forward his yellow and black-striped arm, shining the light of his Flash attack toward the back of the room. The light bathed everything in a soft, yellow glow, and revealed another door at the back of the storage room, which was slightly ajar.

“So that’s where he went,” Jackson whispered, nodding thoughtfully. “Come on, Shocks, let’s check this out. But keep quiet. Hopefully, we can find Skorupi again without scaring him away.” Shocks nodded, and the two treaded quietly towards the door. Jackson stepped into the doorway first, peeking his head into the room beyond. What he found was a part of the SS Anne he had forgotten: a movie theater.

Yes, the Anne was certainly one of a kind and at the top of her class, with such additions as a massive ballroom and dining room, first-class suites, a swimming pool and hot tub, and a miniature golf course. But there was also a private movie theater. Jackson had watched many movies on that screen, which he now looked at with sadness. The massive, black, rectangular screen was tattered and torn, with the top right corner ripped from the wall and drooping down lifelessly. The seats, which were situated in a stadium seating style, were all in place, but their cushioning was moldy and soggy and torn in some places. The metal bracings around the seats were rusted, and the carpet the lined the floor and walls was in the same state as the carpet in the rest of the vessel – mold-encrusted and sopping wet, a shadow of its former state.

Jackson looked back at Shocks, held a finger to his lips, and then walked cautiously through the doorway, crouching low as he entered the theater. It was rather cold in here compared to the rest of the ship so far, which Jackson found surprising. The theater was usually kept cold, but that was due to air-conditioning, and Jackson perked up his ears to listen. Faintly, ever so faintly, he could hear the whir of machinery, somewhere below-decks. The engine still had some life in it, then. Not nearly enough to power the entire ship, but at least the air-conditioning still worked.

“Kid,” Shocks whispered, and Jackson looked back at his partner, who was holding his light aloft with one hand, and pointing towards the seats with the other. Jackson looked where Shocks was pointing, and saw the faintest glimpse of a blue and purple dual-spike-tipped tail underneath one of the theater seats. The Ranger nodded, gave Shocks a thumbs-up, and slowly began to crouch-walk towards what he presumed was the Skorupi.

“Skor,” a low chitter was heard, and Jackson knew he had found the wild Pokemon. He looked over to Shocks, nodding to signal to use Thunder Wave. Shocks took a step forward, his left hand beginning to spark with electricity…

“Croa!!!” A black and purple shape dropped down from somewhere above, slamming into Shocks, knocking the Electric-type to the floor, unconscious. Jackson didn’t have time to see much of the figure, save that it stood about twice Shock’s height and appeared to be hunched over, before it leapt at him, spinning and kicking him forcefully in the stomach. Jackson felt the wind leave his lungs and flew backwards ten feet, landing with a squish on the rough, dilapidated carpet. He sat up, struggling to breath, and caught one last glimpse of his assailant before Shocks’ Flash subsided and darkness filled the theater again. From what he had seen, the Pokemon that had attacked him was a hunched over, humanoid frog-like creature – either a Toxicroak or a Croagunk, and from Jackson could tell from size and general silhouette, he was fairly certain it was a Croagunk. The Poison- and Fighting-types were fairly quiet and solitary creatures, but if anyone intruded on their territory, they were vicious fighters.

Jackson tried desperately not to breathe, despite the lack of oxygen in his lungs, so that he could listen, in case the Croagunk or Skorupi attempted to finish him or Shocks off. He could hear footsteps, which sounded like both Croagunk and Skorupi, but they were moving to the right and up – probably leaving the theater. The Ranger’s assumptions proved to be true, as a door opened at the top of the theater and a dim stream of light filtered in. He saw two shapes pass through, but the door never shut.

Thank goodness, he thought, staring up at the door. This is hard enough without being able to see where I’m going. He stood up and first checked on Shocks. The Elekid had been hit hard, but wasn’t as badly hurt as Jackson had first thought. Croagunk seemed to have merely struck a nerve that had knocked him unconscious, but had done little damage to the Electric-type. Jackson pulled Shocks’ Pokeball from his belt and aimed the red-and-white sphere’s center button at his friend. “Great job, pal,” he said. “You did good. I’ll get you to a Pokemon Center when this is over.” With that, a red beam of light shot from the sphere, enveloping Shocks in bright light, and sucking the Elekid back into the Pokeball. Jackson placed the ball back on his belt and strode carefully up the stairs towards the door, jogging his memory for what lay beyond.

The mid-decks. That was right. The SS Anne was divided vertically into three levels: the upper-decks, the mid-decks, and the lower-decks, or below-decks. The upper-decks was mainly exposed to the air, and contained the outdoor pool. The mid-decks was technically where the ballroom, dining room, kitchen, theater, and indoor pool were located, along with all of the second-class suites. The door at the top of the theater would lead out to one of the hallways with the second-class suites. The lower decks housed mostly storage areas, along with the engine room. Jackson approached the door to mid-decks cautiously, peering out into the hallway.

Nothing. No sign of Croagunk or Skorupi. He sighed and stepped into the hallway, his shoes squishing on a patch of lichen. Both ways, left and right, looked exactly identical.

“Shoot,” Jackson said, shaking his head. This certainly wasn’t the most difficult situation he’d been in as a Ranger – a situation with three angry Garchomp came to mind almost immediately – but the overall situation was giving him a headache. If he’d had it this way, he wouldn’t even be on board this ship right now. If it wasn’t for Delucio and his obsession with money, power, and history, there wouldn’t be a need for a Ranger to be chasing these Pokemon all throughout the ship.

If only people weren’t so power hungry, Jackson thought with a scowl. He scanned the carpet, and noticed subtle indents forming a trail only a Ranger would see, heading down the corridor to the right. He smiled, and headed off in the same direction. It was just as he should have expected – they were heading towards the engine room. Why, he had no idea. It was possible that, with it being the most isolated room in the ship, that was where Croagunk and Skorupi felt safest. There was only one rather small doorway leading into and out of the engine room, and there was quite a bit of room to move around, as well as ample corners and shadows to hide in. That seemed like a logical conclusion… and with the fear Jackson had seen in Skorupi’s eyes earlier, he believed it more and more with each step. He rounded the corner at the end of the hall and opened a side door which led to a staircase to below-decks. There was a stair missing, which he skipped over carefully, but otherwise the staircase was safe and intact. At the bottom of the stairs, he opened the door to the lower decks and changed to a more cautious pace.

The entrance to the engine room was just thirty paces to the left. Gazing down the musty, grime-filled corridor, he wrinkled his nose as a putrid scent reached his nostrils. The lower decks, for whatever reason, had definitely suffered the worst from life at the bottom of the ocean. He couldn’t imagine why – the upper decks were the most exposed, and yet looked nothing as bad as this. Standing water was an inch high throughout the entire hallway as far as he could see, and what had once been white-washed walls were now brown and caked with dirt, grime, and rust.

“Why would they stay down here?” Jackson wondered aloud, stepping out into the hallway. He covered his nose against the smell with his right hand, removing a Pokeball from his belt with his left. He stepped thoughtfully and cautiously down the hall, and as soon as he could see the door to the engine room, he saw that it was ajar, and he could hear the hushed voices of Pokemon coming from within.

Try one more time to reason with them, Jackson relayed mentally, going over strategy before entering the engine room. If they don’t cooperate, incapacitate and… capture. The last thought came slowly and grimly. Jackson didn’t want to have to be doing this… but he didn’t think he had much of a choice. Delucio had too much influence, and, truthfully, any charges pressed against him, the man would be able to simply pay off. He had far too much money and power for the Ranger Union to oppose legally. One of these days, there won’t be any more people like him. Jackson sighed quietly. Or, everyone will be like him. He pushed the thoughts of the future and the emotional state of this situation, and simply focused on it as a mission. His mission: to retrieve Skorupi and Croagunk, hopefully peacefully, but if not, through as little force as possible.

He stopped at the doorway to the engine room and chanced a look inside. There were several dim, incandescent light bulbs dangling from the ceiling which, while lit, cast a dancing, eerie glow throughout the room. There were many crates stacked one on top of the other, and a lot of machinery, from what Jackson could see. He couldn’t see the engine, but he could hear it, slowly puttering along, putting out the last bit of power it had left.

Continued in next post...
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Last edited by KantoChamp46; 09-19-2009 at 01:09 PM.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:04 PM
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Default Re: Into the SS Anne

“One…” he whispered, just underneath his breath. “Two… three.” He opened the door and stepped into the engine room, rather casually, and tried to present himself in a friendly way, a smile on his face and his Pokeball held unthreateningly at his side. Skorupi and Croagunk were the only Pokemon within, as the Ranger had suspected, and both looked up from the box they were talking over. Skorupi’s eyes flared in fear, while Croagunk’s eyes shone with anger and his red cheeks puffed out, a sign of battle-readiness.

“Hey, wait, listen,” Jackson said, hooking the Pokeball back to his belt and holding up his hands in a sign of peace. “I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to help.”

“Croa!” Croagunk shouted, thrusting a three-fingered arm forward. A sound like wind sucking up through a tunnel filled the room, and a barely visible wave of translucent energy shot forward, striking Jackson in the chest and flinging the Ranger back out into the hallway, to land with a splash on his back.

“Ugh,” he grunted, sitting up in an inch of standing water. “Disgusting.” He scowled at the wild Pokemon, which both stood threateningly by their crate, and sighed. In all his long years of being a Ranger, he’d received this kind of welcome from wild Pokemon all too often. He unclipped a Pokeball from his belt, got back to his feet, and shook his head. “I really didn’t want to have to do this. Go, Sirren!” He threw the Pokeball at the ground, and the orb burst open to release a Parasect, a red Grass- and Bug-type Pokemon like a beetle, only with a giant, yellow-speckled mushroom on its back. Sirren gave a low buzz as it saw the two Pokemon before her and clicked her two crab-like claws in anticipation.

“Sirren, use Spore!” Jackson commanded. “We don’t want to hurt these Pokemon!” Sirren buzzed again and shivered at a high speed, releasing a yellow powder from her mushroom. The powder flew forward, threatening to blanket Skorupi and Croagunk in yellow dust, but the two Pokemon leapt to opposite sides, dodging the sleep-inducing Spore just in time. The yellow powder settled on the floor harmlessly.

“Croagunk!” Croagunk roared, his hand glowing purple. Skorupi, on the opposite side of Sirren, lunged as well, both claws glowing with a purple light.

“Sirren, back up!” Jackson shouted. There wasn’t a lot of room to maneuver, but Sirren was just in the doorway of the engine room, and backing out would easily dodge both wild Pokemon’s attacks.

“Sect,” Sirren buzzed, backing quickly through the doorway. Croagunk’s Poison Jab and Skorupi’s Cross Poison attacks hit thin air as the Parasect evaded, and the two Pokemon stood in the doorway, glaring at their opponent.

“Stun Spore!” Jackson commanded. Sirren shivered once more and released an orange powder from her mushroom straight at Croagunk and Skorupi. The two wild Pokemon leapt backwards in unison, evading the attack once again.

“Croa!” Croagunk croaked angrily, and lunged forward, another Poison Jab charged up and ready.

“Sirren, X-Scissor!” Jackson cried, but too late. Croagunk jabbed his three-fingered purple hand right in Sirren’s face, hitting the mushroom Pokemon right between her two black, domed eyes. Sirren cried out in pain and slid backwards, slumping to the ground. Jackson grunted. Sirren was good for incapacitating Pokemon, but in combat, she couldn’t take much damage. He held out her Pokeball and recalled her to it. “Good job, girl, but I think you ought to sit this one out.” He placed the Pokeball back on his belt and his hand shot for a new one as Croagunk approached him.

“Go –” Jackson began, but was too slow, as Croagunk launched another invisible blast of force – a Vacuum Wave attack – from his hand, smacking Jackson in the chest and sending the Ranger crashing into the wall behind him. He fell to his knees, gasped for breath, and threw his Pokeball, which he had somehow managed to keep hold of, without a word. The ball burst open and released a Zangoose, a white-furred Pokemon with long black claws and red, jagged markings on his paws, chest, and one of his ears, which stood up straight in the air to match the jagged pattern of his fur and markings. Zangoose knelt down slightly, crossing his claws and bearing his teeth, focusing his attention mainly on the Croagunk, which stood about the same height as Zangoose.

“False Swipe,” Jackson gasped, knowing that the Zangoose, named Xerxes, would understand the reason for such a move. Xerxes had been with him in his Ranger career longer than most Pokemon, and knew the routine for dealing with most wild Pokemon. Though the Zangoose was a strong battler with a fiercely competitive spirit, he knew when to reign himself in.

“Zan!” Xerxes growled, lunging at Croagunk. The toad Pokemon lunged right back at him, arms held up in an X in front of him, readying a Cross Chop attack. The two Pokemon met in midair, and Xerxes changed his attack to a defensive measure, swiping at Croagunk’s arms and disrupting the Fighting-type’s attack. The two Pokemon passed each other and landed, and Croagunk turned immediately and lunged, palm glowing purple for a Poison Jab.

“Xerxes, dodge it and use Crush Claw!” Jackson shouted. His Zangoose nodded in recognition and dove to the side, evading Croagunk’s attack, and then lunged, smacking a wide, furry palm across the toad Pokemon’s back. Croagunk tumbled forward, rolling head-over-heels, and landed on his back in the doorway to the engine room.

“Skor!” Skorupi chittered, and Jackson saw the scorpion Pokemon hefting a small crate to throw at Xerxes.

“Watch out!” the Ranger exclaimed, but Croagunk was back on his feet and was diverting Xerxes’ attention. The Fighting-type opened his mouth, spewing forth tiny, pin-like needles in a flurry – a Poison Sting attack. Xerxes ducked under the spray of poisonous needles, but was hit hard from the crate that Skorupi had picked up and subsequently hurled at the Normal-type. The Zangoose cried out in pain and tumbled backwards, the crate barreling over him to land with a splash in the hallway behind him. Croagunk saw an opportunity when he had one, and dove forward, palms glowing with a black aura.

“Xerxes, Protect!” Jackson shouted. Xerxes rolled onto his side and threw up a clawed paw, forming a blue, translucent dome around his body. Croagunk’s Sucker Punch reflected off of the shield, causing no harm to the Zangoose, who used the brief reprieve to get back to his feet and launch forward for another Crush Claw.

“Croa!!” Croagunk screamed, taking the full force of Xerxes’ Crush Claw attack and stumbling backwards from the force of the blow. Croagunk twisted around and hit Xerxes hard in the chest with a Poison Jab, which knocked the Zangoose back a step, but had little extra effect. Zangoose were immune to poison, which Jackson had taken into account when choosing Xerxes for this battle.

“False Swipe, Xerxes!” Jackson commanded, and the Zangoose made to slash Croagunk. Before his attack could connect, however, another crate came flying from the engine room, smacking the Normal-type in the side and knocking him to the floor. Jackson looked up to see Skorupi dancing with glee at the fruit of his efforts in the engine room.

“Xerxes, focus on Croagunk,” Jackson said, pulling another Pokeball from his belt. “Go, Jet!” He threw the Pokeball into the engine room, and it burst open to reveal an orange, otter-like Pokemon with two long, flexible tails and a cocky grin on his face. The Buizel folded his arms across his chest and made a pff sound as he laid eyes on Skorupi, which he obviously didn’t see as much of a threat.

“Jet, use Water Gun!” Jackson commanded. The otter-like Pokemon jumped back a step, crouched low, and spat a stream of highly pressurized water straight at Skorupi. The scorpion Pokemon ducked under the Water Gun, then skittered to the side, now frightened once more at a new threat.

“Zan!” Xerxes cried, and Jackson looked over to see that Croagunk had connected with a Cross Chop, sending the Normal-type Xerxes sprawling across the soaked floor. The Zangoose jumped back to his feet and, though hurt, he didn’t seem to be out of this battle yet.

“Xerxes, use Protect if he’s gonna hit you with something strong!” Jackson called to his most trusted companion. “Otherwise, focus on using Crush Claw and False Swipe. Try to incapacitate him without dealing much damage.” Xerxes gave a nod and lunged at Croagunk, while Jackson turned his attention back to Jet and the elusive Skorupi.

“Bui,” Jet said, folding his arms and glaring across the room. Jackson entered the engine room and looked around, but couldn’t see Skorupi anywhere.

“Which direction did he go?” he asked, and Jet pointed over to a console covered with switches. “Come on.” Jackson led the way while the Buizel walked right alongside him, looking annoyed more than anything else.

“Skor!!!” Skorupi cried, and a blue and purple blur shot out from behind the console as Jackson came close, barreling into the Ranger and knocking him off his feet. Jet hopped over his trainer and dashed after Skorupi, firing off several Water Guns in quick succession, none of which hit the Poison-type in its panicked, confusing running pattern.

“Zangoose!” Xerxes cried, and Jackson looked up to see the Normal-type smack Croagunk in the stomach with a Crush Claw, knocking the Poison- and Fighting-type through doorway to smash into a stack of crates.

Great, Jackson thought. Now the whole battle’s in the engine room. It was way too cramped for all of them to move around adequately in here, but, it worked both ways, hindering both his own Pokemon and Skorupi and Croagunk.

“Croa…” Croagunk grunted, getting back to his feet. He swayed for a moment, and Xerxes took the bait, leaping forward, arms held high for a False Swipe. Croagunk dove underneath the airborne Zangoose and twisted onto his back, sliding across the wet, metal floor and firing a series of three globs of icky black goo from his mouth. The Sludge Bomb connected, hitting Xerxes right in the face and covering his eyes. The Normal-type growled and swiped at his face, and, unable to see, came crashing down onto the metal floor next to the engine.

“Aqua Jet!” Jackson commanded, looking at Jet and pointing at Croagunk. The Water-type nodded and surrounded himself in a sphere of water, then dove forward, flying through the air like an arrow, to slam headfirst into Croagunk with a splash. Croagunk fell backwards, arms flailing, and landing with a smack on his back as Jet landed gracefully on his feet next to him.

“Bui,” the Water-type said, flashing a thumbs-up and a confident smile. That smile faded as a blue and purple blur slammed into him from behind. Jet tumbled to the floor with Skorupi on top of him, and the scorpion Pokemon raised his tail to strike.

“Jet, Whirlpool!” Jackson shouted. Jet, now laying on his back with Skorupi on his chest, began to spin, almost as if he were break dancing, but was generating a swirling pattern of water as he spun. Skorupi staggered and flailed his arms, screaming in terror, but it was too late for the scorpion Pokemon to escape. Jet spun faster and faster, and the Whirlpool closed in, enveloping the Poison-type in a spiraling torrent of water.

“Croagunk!” Jackson whipped his head to the side and saw Croagunk leaping through the air, palm glowing purple, readying a Poison Jab to hit Xerxes. The Zangoose was still struggling to clear his vision, and had no idea of the imminent attack.

“Xerxes, Fury Swipes!” Jackson commanded. Xerxes stopped pawing at his face, and clawed in front of him furiously, creating a virtual barrier of flailing claws to any would-be attackers. Croagunk saw his problem, but too late, as he had already leaped, so he simply flailed his arms and took the full force of Xerxes’ Fury Swipes attack. The Normal-type struck Croagunk two, three, four times, knocking the toad Pokemon to the floor.

“Skor…” Skorupi groaned, and Jackson looked to see that Jet’s Whirlpool had ended, and Skorupi was swaying on the floor, dizzy and confused. Jet hopped to his feet and squirted a Water Gun at the Poison-type, sending the scorpion Pokemon bouncing across the floor helplessly.

Jackson sighed, and pulled two empty Pokeballs from his belt. “That should finish it,” he said.

Not quite.

“Croa…” Croagunk groaned, getting up to a kneeling position. Jackson and Jet both looked over at Croagunk, while Xerxes finally cleared his vision… and that gave Skorupi his chance.

“Skorupi!!!” the scorpion Pokemon cried, and Jackson whipped his head to the side and saw, too late, Skorupi flying through the air towards Jet, slashing his claws downwards in an X-Scissor attack. Jet was fast, but not fast enough, and took the hit full-force. Sharp claws raked across his fur, and a surprisingly powerful shockwave sent the Water-type flying head over heels through the air, bouncing off the ceiling, to land in a heap on the floor.

“Jet!” Jackson shouted in shock. Skorupi stood panting where Jet had once stood, but had a fiendishly gleeful expression on his face. The Poison-type wasn’t going to be able to take much more, just like its partner, but it was still fighting hard.

“Xerxes, False Swipe!” Jackson commanded, and Xerxes pounced at Croagunk, a claw held back to strike. Croagunk tried to dodge, but was too tired out and hurt. Xerxes raked a sharp claw across the Croagunk’s chest, and the Poison- and Fighting-type toad Pokemon fell backwards, collapsing to the ground in an unconscious heap.

“Skor…?” Skorupi said questioningly, as Croagunk was knocked unconscious and both Xerxes and Jet, who was now standing, turned on the small scorpion Pokemon. It backed away, clicking its claws.

Jackson sighed. “This is somewhat pathetic,” he said. “Jet, how about a Water Gun?”

“Bui,” Jet said with a grin, and squirted a Water Gun at Skorupi.

“Skor!” The Poison-type’s eyes flared angrily, and Skorupi jumped over the Water Gun, flying through the air at Jet.

“Xerxes, Crush Claw!” Jackson shouted. Xerxes jumped up and batted the scorpion Pokemon out of the air, knocking him to the ground, unconscious like his companion.

“Whew,” Jackson said with a sigh, pulling two empty Pokeballs from his belt. “That was tougher than I expected. Sorry, guys. This was for your own good.” He threw both Pokeballs forward, one at Croagunk and one at Skorupi, and watched on with a frown as the Pokeballs opened up, consumed the wild Pokemon, and began to wiggle in place. I just hope I did the right thing, the Ranger thought, staring at the floor.

Completed! :)

NOTE TO GRADER: I know the posts seem somewhat short, but it was going to have to be three posts and I wanted to split it evenly. If that was a bad call... well, I won't do it next time. =P Thanks to whoever grades, and hopefully I did a good job! :)
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Last edited by KantoChamp46; 09-15-2009 at 05:42 PM.
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  #4  
Old 09-18-2009, 11:26 PM
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Default Re: Into the SS Anne

First of all, the post splits were fine. No one really cares about that stuff unless it gets way out of hand and you’ve got like two lines in each post, ‘cause that’s just stupid. Don’t worry about it.

Secondly, this story was going for a pretty sizable challenger, so I’m gonna use it to try out a new grading system that I recently devised for myself but haven’t used yet. We’ll see how it goes. :3

Exposition:

Honestly, the Exposition is for all intents and purposes the same as the introduction. I just like the word better. :P There are a few main things we look for in this section: introductions for the setting, main characters, and the story’s main conflict.

Setting: In this story, the setting was simple and didn’t change. I was rather impressed by your description of the S.S. Anne, both at the very beginning and as Jackson ventured up onto it. The way you described it made it gave me a sense of its imposing size and the incredible deterioration it’s gone through since the mysterious accident. You did a stellar job with this.

Main Character(s): Here, I was a little bit let down. Mainly what I focus on here is the main character’s appearance, which is essential to helping the reader visualize the events of the story. However, all I got from you was Jackson’s clothing; there was nothing about the way he actually looks. Is he tall? Thin? Blue-eyed? Brown-haired? How does he carry himself? A little later on, you gave me a lot to go on with his personality, but in the beginning I would have liked to know more about how Jackson looks and some preliminary insight into his personality, such as is addressed in that last question I wrote. For example, you could mention that he always has an arrogant smirk, or he has a bold, upright posture, both of which have some implications about the way he thinks and acts, though I’m not going to get too much into his personality here.

Intro to Conflict: We were given quite a bit of insight into the plot in the exposition. It’s fairly easy to tell that a large portion of the story is going to involve Jackson venturing into the S.S. Anne. However, you also take the time to build suspense, especially concerning the nature of the S.S. Anne’s accident, especially pertaining to Jackson’s father. There’s not really much else to say here.

Plot:

At the beginning of the story, this started out pretty strong. You built up a pretty big plot as far as the accident is concerned. When Jackson got into the huge ballroom, I was sure that something big was going to happen, since you took such great pains to mention that there was something really strange about the way it was organized. However, everything afterwards was kind of a letdown.

What I mean by that is that you took care to build up a really big, intriguing subplot that included the accident and what happened to Jackson’s father. However, after the ballroom scene, this pretty much dropped off the face of the earth and gave way to the somewhat less interesting plot of Jackson searching for the two Pokemon. I wonder whether you were planning on continuing the storyline after this section, but whether or not you plan to, you went about it the wrong way in this story.

If you never intended to keep the story going, then the problem is that you led me on with a cool subplot involving the S.S. Anne disappearance, blowing it up and making it seem really important. However, if it isn’t going to come into real fruition, then it would be better to simply leave off this subplot in its more developed form. If Jackson finding the Pokemon is really the end, then I’m left with sort of a bad taste in my mouth. You whetted my appetite for more - a LOT more - and really didn’t deliver.

If you did plan to continue the storyline concerning the accident, then I’d like to mention that you shouldn’t have let that subplot die like it did in this story. The right way to create suspense would have been to include something towards the very end that seems like it will lead to an important discovery about the ship’s mysterious past. This would have left me intrigued and made me want to read more to figure out what happens. However, as the story is, it kind of makes me feel disappointed and let down.

Character(s):

I’d like to briefly discuss the personality traits of your two characters. When Jackson and Delucio met in the warehouse, you included an incredible interchange which really developed their personalities. I loved their dialogue and the contrast you made. There was a subliminal tone in your writing which made it clear which personality you valued more highly - dedication to one’s beliefs, which was well-displayed by Jackson. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that Jackson didn’t really learn anything or change at all during the story. Jackson is almost presented as being the perfect hero, with no real flaws. A big part of most stories is that the protagonist gains new knowledge as a result of his adventure. Sometimes, this involves gaining courage, respect, or wisdom, among other character traits. However, since Jackson doesn’t seem to have any character faults, he becomes a very static character. I don’t know if this can be changed in this story, but it’s something very important to remember when you write in the future.

Detail/Description:

As I’ve already mentioned, your descriptions are pretty well done. I would like to point out one thing that I saw. Look here:

Quote:
Wide, dim, dusty, overexposed lights shone down from the ceiling, illuminating the surface of the barge and casting eerie, foreboding shadows into every corner.
My problem has to do with the bolded section. There is such a thing as over-description, and it’s perfectly epitomized here. You stuck four adjectives together to describe one object. This disrupts the flow of the story and becomes a bit cumbersome, not to mention I’m not really sure what you mean by ‘overexposed.’ If you want to illustrate all four of those details about the lights, you could have done them in different ways to make it flow better. For example:

[b]Wide lights covered in a thick layer of dust shone down from the ceiling, their dim bulbs illuminating the surface of the barge and casting eerie, foreboding shadows into every corner.[/quote]

It’s also a good idea to keep in mind such literary devices as similes metaphors. That way, you don’t have to load every noun with a million adjectives to get your point across, often doing a better job at describing an object than the adjectives by themselves.

Grammar:

I didn’t notice too many issues here, but there were a few places where I noticed you clearly didn’t proofread very well. For example:

Quote:
The ladder was metal, and, though it seemed to have earlier been in pristine condition, seemed to have now had grime rub off from the hull of the SS Anne, making climbing it a little bit a of a slippery endeavor.
The middle of this sentence was very choppy, and, though I think I may have figured out its meaning, it was kind of hard to understand what this sentence was trying to convey. I think if you had read it over once or twice, you would have realized that something wasn’t quite right.

Quote:
The SS Anne’s horn blew, and Jackson’s stood up and patted his son’s head.
I’m guessing you just forgot to add in the word ‘father’ here, but as it is the sentence is really saying that Jackson’s horn stood up and patted Jackson’s son’s head. Funny, but good evidence of why proofreading is key.

Quote:
Hayden had watched many movies on that screen, which he now looked at with sadness.
Again, it just shows that you didn’t proofread well. I’m assuming that Hayden was your original name for Jackson. If not, then I have no idea what you’re referring to here.

Length:

Just fine. By the way, you really don’t need to list the length without spaces, since no one pays attention to that.

Battle:

This seemed kind of one-sided at some points. I mean, both your Elekid and your Parasect fainted after single attacks (though Elekid was earlier). The entire final battle was a good quarter of the total story itself, which I felt was pretty good. What didn’t impress me, however, was the fact that you pretty much constrained Zangoose to just two or three attacks, and the same for Buizel. I would think that Jackson would have realized long before the end of the battle that his nicey-nice strategy wasn’t going to work and that he had to seriously battle if he wanted to win. On that note, I would expect (as I would out of any challenging story like this one) that you would have your Pokemon use a variety of attacks. Your description was alright, but when you use the same attacks over and over, it quickly becomes boring. Even the most vivid of descriptions will seem incredibly redundant when you repeat them multiple times, and the detail you used was not particularly vivid here, though it had been earlier in the story. Overall, I think this was the part that disappointed me the most.

Outcome:

Hmmm…. I think that for the present I’m going to say one Pokemon captured, whichever one you choose. If you want to catch the other one, I’m going to ask that you go back and diversify the battle some more. Also, I’d like you to seriously consider where you’re going with the other subplot. The way you deal with that is going to be totally up to your jurisdiction, since I don’t know what you planned. Anyway, PM me anytime for a re-evaluation.

EDIT: And good job. Since I want to end this on a high note, and it was still pretty good. :)
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Last edited by Elrond; 09-19-2009 at 03:06 PM.
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Old 09-19-2009, 01:17 PM
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Default Re: Into the SS Anne

Well, I went back and fixed the whole Hayden/Jackson thing, lol. Hayden is the main character in the fanfic I'm writing, and a couple of times I accidentally did type his name instead of Jackson's but I caught all the other ones... not sure how I missed this one =/

I see what you mean about the whole subplot thing, and I understand that, even though I was planning on continuing it later on, the way I did it was poor. I'm going to go back and really revise the story, working with that subplot more, and also work on the description and move usage in the battle. So, it might be a little while before the revised version is up, but it'll get there eventually :)

Also, Jackson's Parasect wasn't KOed, but I guess I did make it seem that way. I'll go and make that more clear - one attack didn't take her out, but it did do a lot of damage, and that's why Jackson recalled her.

Anyway, I'm going to do some serious revising and rewriting of parts, so it may be a little while before this is reposted but I will PM you when it is. Thanks for the extensive and honest grade :)

EDIT: Wow, so I've been a lot more busy lately than I thought I would be. I'm gonna go ahead and take one Pokemon, since redoing this story the way I thought I was going to just seems to elude me somehow. I'll just write a new story for the other one. Now, which one to take.... hmm...... I'll go ahead and take Croagunk. Sometime I'll do another story for Skorupi. Thanks again for the grade, Elrond!
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Last edited by KantoChamp46; 10-17-2009 at 02:40 PM.
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