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ASB: Contests The Contest center of the ASB League. The place where style and beauty reign and strength is just an afterthought.


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  #1  
Old 02-01-2013, 03:39 AM
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Default [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.

As your plane lands, you feel a lump of nervous energy stuck in the back of your throat. Must've been all of those complementary peanuts you had on the ride over. You hear a deep shoonk sound and a portion of the airplane's wall hit the ground, creating a set of stairs used to exit. You see a long stretch of mushy sand, then a thick forest.

Kyle puts his hand on your shoulder, "Just over there. There's a small clearing within the marsh," he said as you looked to the west. The sun was just setting over the horizon.

---

Prize: The winner will receive the Mewtwo medallion, $35, and two Vitamins/Items. Second place winner will receive $20 and a free Vitamin. The two non-Finalists will receive $10 and a randomly rolled item valued $25 or less.
Theme: Only Bug, Dark, and Ghost-types with no weakness to Psychic attacks may be used.
Restrictions: No signature moves.
Competitor Limit: You must be signed up here.
Minimum Score: The top 4 Appealers will proceed to the battle Round.
Judges: 3m0d0ll, Dino, and paperfairy.
Time Limit: All Appeals must be posted by February 8th 5 P.M. PST.
Arena: Coastline of Faraway Island:
A sandy marshland with an expansive ocean just out of view. The muggy bog is littered with tall trees, long roots serpentine in and out of the muddy ground. There is a large piece of cinder block sticking out of the mud off to the side, slightly draped with soggy vines. The marsh where your appeals will take place is only a couple inches deep, but getting that slime all over your Pokemon's feet will cause them to slip during their performance.
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Last edited by 3m0d0ll; 02-01-2013 at 03:41 AM.
  #2  
Old 02-01-2013, 02:06 PM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.

I stepped off the plane, ready to go, with Sharpshooter, my Weavile, his Poke Ball in hand. When I reached the appeal area (Or what seemed to be it), I tossed the ball, allowing the creature to prowl as he pleases.

"Use Ice Beam on the ground!" I managed to get out to Sharpshooter. Knowing this was a good idea, the Weavile released a stream of light blue energy on the marsh, freezing it completely. This was the chance to make sure he wouldn't slip, now things were a little bit easier.

"Use Ice Beam to raise a block of ice, then use Night Slash to carve!" Once again, Weavile obeyed. With the same blast of blue energy, he managed to form a block of ice. Then, Sharpshooter's claws turned into a deep purplish-black and started to attack the ice, only being able to see dark dashes instead of the creature. When finished, his whole body could be seen again, and the ice was in the shape of himself.
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  #3  
Old 02-02-2013, 04:45 AM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.


Vio-Nai the Hydreigon [F]
Ability: Levitate

Performing the Appeal: 'Lily in the Night'

Moves used: Earth Power, Surf, Dark Pulse and Flash Cannon

The smell of salt was faint on the sea breeze that drafted its way into the murky swamplands, which lay to be the gate keeper of what was beyond the beach. The only sight of civilization was the cinderblock, seemingly in the centre of an audience of trees, hanging moss and limp deadfall. It would be the platform of a show, a simple one, but one that would shed a new light on the meaning of what was to be feared from this place. If anything was going to instill fear, it was going to be something that was meant to be feared.

A Dusk ball was tossed in the air by a trainer; her eyes closed and her pose without confidence. Out of the blackened light formed a mass of black and violet; a Hydreigon, one simply laying there with arms tucked in, wings folded over like a strait jacket, and head lowered. Her magenta crest that was usually open around her neck, was shut over her face like her evolutionary kin before her. She rested, motionless on the stage, unusually silent for something of her reputation. Vio-Nai waited, silently, until her trainer quietly voiced a command.

“Earth Power.”

Even with the instruction, Vio-Nai was still, as if she were asleep. However, what was around her, was far from quiet. The marsh began to move, and bubble as if it had a life of its own, around the designated stage. The film covered mud and muck made unpleasant gurgling in the form of deep bubbles popping due to the change in the earth below it. Lights from the geothermal power caused the muck to glow hues of amber and copper, becoming more and more violent with each passing moment. It looked as if something was coming for her in her sleep. It was in a rhythmic circle around the dark dragon, and now was the perfect timing for the next phase.

“Surf.” Her trainer commanded quietly.

The tide outside the marsh began to swell, filling water into the swamp and having it spill over the cinderblock stage. The shifting earth that had bubbled previously was starting to swirl the water around the stage, carrying torn up roots and globs of moss and slime along with it. A monster was coming forth out of the mud it seemed, one that had the flesh made out of materials of the biome itself. With the combination of the two attacks, the Earth Power created just enough geyser like pressure to create the illusion something was circling the still motionless Vio-Nai like a hungry Sharpedo. The water continued to rise an inch more with each lap, small waves swiping at the dragon’s sides as if they were some kind of claws. Vio-Nai’s left and right head started to stir a bit while the main one remained limp and closed, feeling something was close upon them. Just as they looked up, a large crest of liquid consumed her with one large crash, as if the monster it was imitating was trying to eat her whole; a monster attacking a sleeping soul who dared to rest within its domain. It was only then did Vio-Nai begin to move, struggling against a gnarled grip of roots and thick moss. The suspense of the tale was beginning to come to its apex, as soon nothing but the swirling madness of the wetlands coming to life was seen over what was a Hydreigon.

The trainer gave her final orders. “Dark Pulse and finally, Flash Cannon.”

The suffocating blanket of slime, soil and water erupted suddenly in a black, horizontal explosion, darkening the area and blocking out what little light had come through the fauna with the ominous energy. Vio-Nai was now floating a few feet above the stage completely clean of the film, and wings flapping in an orderly fashion. Her heads began to rise very slowly, including the center one as each piece of the crest began to peel back from her face like a blooming flower. As it was revealed in a silent, sluggish pace, Vio-Nai’s maw also opened, revealing a bright orb of light being held between her glimmering fangs, as well as in the mouth's on her left and right heads. The inside of her crests caught the reflection of the light and glimmered magenta under the false midnight haze. The glow remained for only a few moments before the dragon snapped her jaw shut, leaving only the gleam of the Hydreigon’s deadly purple eyes to be seen.

The swamp monster was dead, slain by the water lily it sought to swallow. The sunlight returned, and Vio-Nai was returned to her ball after hiding herself the same way she came onto the stage. The story was over, and her trainer could only hope it was well received.



Inspiration:
Spoiler:
Marsh is all gloomy and Hydreigon are deadly, also their heads remind me of lilie's that only bloom at night, similar to how Deino and Zweillous are blind until they fuly evolve. [There are ones that specifically live in marshy areas, go look it up] It was a bit more moves than I would have liked to use, but I wanted to do something different for a Hydreigon. Also, Jenn said it was possible to slip and fall on the stage, but that was if feet were involved~
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  #4  
Old 02-02-2013, 06:14 AM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.


Zoroark [M]
Ability: Illusion

We were the third participants. Nervousness set in, this was my very first contest and I didn't want to mess it up. This would make me our break me in the contest world, so I had to do good. I at least had to try.

I was risen out of my deep thoughts by the announcer calling my name. I hurried out to the marshy arena. The crowd applauded, easing my nervousness a small amount. had two Pokeballs on me, Zoroark and Gobi. I should've decided this before I came out on stage, but I had totally forgotten. I went for Gobi's Pokeball, but then decided against it and grabbed Zoroark's Pokeball.

"Zoroark, center stage!" I cried, the Pokemon emerging from it's Pokeball, dark auras filling the room.

"Nasty Plot." I instructed.

Zoroark's body became pitch-black, nothing but a black body outline in the middle of the stage. The arena suddenly darkened too, slowly and slowly, little by little, the area became pitch black. The crowd mumbled. Some in fear, some in awe.

"Detect!" I screamed, enough for the audience to quieten down to sheer silence.

A brief twinkle shined in the middle of the stage. Then another. Then another. A reflective barrier could be seen in the stage's center. The crowd remained silent.

"Double Team, then Torment!" I commanded.

The barrier glowed faintly. Another one appeared. The crowd gasped. Another one. Then another. Until five barriers were seen surrounding the middle of the stage. Screeches could be heard as Torment was used.

"Extrasensory, do it!" I confidently pointed.

Five glowing orbs emerged in the darkness. The orbs grew in size until they were forcefully released into the air. The crowd paused. The orbs suddenly exploded, lighting up the stage once more. Each Zoroark was entangled in a dark, ghostly web-like net. Torment had done it's job.

"Psychic! Then use Focus Blast!" I jumped up in excitement.

Each Zoroark glowed with a blue outline. This shattered the web-like nets. Each Zoroark glowed gracefully. Each one then suddenly started glowing in it's core. The sphere of energy was growing until each one grabbed it and shot it into the air. The spheres were Focus Blast. Each one stood motionlessly in mid-air.

"Finish this with Punishment! Then Night Daze!" I finished my commands.

Each Zoroark's arm lighted up with a purple coating. They rised into the air and slashed the Focus Blasts forcefully. Each one landed, seeming to do nothing to the spheres. Each one smiled wryly. The spheres lit up and exploded, causing firework-like explosions. The Zoroark on stage jumped up then emitted a pulse of pure darkness, enhancing the explosion caused by the Focus Blasts. The clones then dispersed into the original Zoroark in mid air, with only one Zoroark landing. Zoroark then bowed and returned to it's Pokeball.

I bowed as well, walking off the stage. The crowd's whoops and applause meant a lot. I walked off the arena back into the contestant's room, eager for the final judging.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:48 PM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.


Jira
Tyranitar
Ability: Sandstream
Signature Move: n/a

Jira stood next to her trainer, towering nearly 2 feet above her. It was times like these that the huge Tyranitar wished she could shrink. It occurred to her that it was silly to be nervous over something so simple. She was one of the most intimidating Pokémon ever, and yet the thought of performing gave her a pit in her stomach. She looked to her trainer. She had joined the girl's team only recently, but Sam apparently trusted her to do this. "You ready?" her trainer asked with a small smile. She nodded hesitantly. "You can do it. Like we practiced." As Jira trudged through the mud to the center of the appeal arena, the heavy Pokémon sunk into the soft ground. It was a good thing she didn't need to move much.

"Let's do this, Jira!" The dinosaur-like Pokémon spread her legs for stability and prepared for her orders. Sand was released from her body, from every crack and hole in her armor. It was as natural to her as breathing. It was caught in an unseen wind that twisted it around her.

“Flamethrower!" The Tyranitar opened her mouth wide, and a red glow could be seen in her throat. She released a beam of swirling flames, red and yellow twisting together. She swung he head from side to side, and where fire hit sand, it could be seen changing from rough yellow rock to tiny shards of glass, clear and glistening, still whipping around her in every direction.

"Now Stone Edge!" The Armor Pokémon closed her eyes to concentrate. Rings of blue energy began to circle around her. Glass collected in the light and formed larger shards; jagged and reflecting whatever light hit them. Jira's eye shot open, new glowing blue, and the shards that were orbiting her shot out in every direction at incredible speed.

"Now finish it! Hyper Beam!" Jira let out a roar worthy of a Tyranitar. A huge ray shot from her mouth, pure energy, glowing bright white in contrast with the dark marsh. She moved the beam in a horizontal line, shattering the glass shards. As the glow faded, the sandstorm subsided. Tiny pieces of glass floated to the muddy ground, glinting different colors, barely more than glitter.

Jira panted to regain her breath as she turned to her trainer. Sam smiled and nodded approvingly. Jira sighed in relief and moved towards her trainer, happy to be done with the appeal.
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  #6  
Old 02-02-2013, 09:06 PM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.


[Sol] Volcarona (Male)
Ability: Flame Body
Obtained: Starter
Evolved:Evolution Dojo
Signature Move: Solar Soul

You see a lanky teenager wearing a lab coat and glasses running up to the stage. He's holding a book in one hand and a Ball in the other, looking rather awkward and gawky. His voice, however, is surprisingly deep as he throws the ball from his hand with a "Forward!"

You're not very sure what to expect from the seemingly nebbish and bony coordinator, but it certainly isn't the Volcarona that bursts out of the sphere, obviously battle scarred. You see a steely glint in both the sky blue eyes of the moth and the hazel ones of its coordinator. The trainer gives a small smirk before speaking.

"Remember class, all fires need three things. Oxygen."

You're wondering why the trainer decided to say something so completely random when you begin to feel a breeze across your face. You start to dismiss it, but then you realize it's starting to pick up speed. A quick examination of the trees near the marsh reveals that the wind is spinning circularly. The fiery moth is high in the sky at the eye of the storm, obviously concentrating.
The teen's eyes seem to be on alert, almost like they're waiting for something. You see his smile widen a few seconds later as you hear him bellow:

"Fuel!"

The wind suddenly accelerates, and you have to shield your eyes so that you can see. At that same instant, many leaves and branches from the surrounding trees shear off, peppering the cyclone around the moth with large amounts of foliage. You back away from the wind, worried about the debris that might hit you. You hear the man cry out one more time:

"HEAT!"

In that instant, you feel a pulse of heat coming from the Volcarona. The wind obviously gets the lion's share, because, while any of your exposed skin becomes immediately pink and tender like it was sunburned, the poor plant matter in the storm ignites.

You survey the results with awe. The winds are clearly visible and extremely dangerous, as they swirl blazes around the moth at high speed. The fires are burning brightly and smoking heavily. And yet, the coordinator isn't done yet.
"When all these come together, fire BURNS!"

With that, the Volcarona begins to focus. All of a sudden, the Volcarona's six wings burn with the white fire of the sun.

Your eyebrows are closer to your hairline than eyes now. You see a powerful firestorm, midnight black with smoke. In it, there are brightly blazing flames, whirring with lives of there own. In the eye, you see black silhouette surrounded by a sun of its own creation, powerfully illuminated. The roars of the flames crash in your ears with thundering claps.

You used to wonder how the ancient people would worship a Pokemon, a bug, in fact. Now that you've seen this...

You will never wonder about that again.

Spoiler:

Appeal:
Hurricane~Heat Wave~Fiery Dance

Notes:

The wetness of the plants both enabled the smoke and allowed the plant matter to not immediately turn to ash. And like Sabi said, if it floats or flies, there's no chance of slipping.
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:26 PM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.


Nacht the Honchkrow
Ability: Super Luck
Signature Move: N/A

Appeal:
Rain Dance ~ Icy Wind ~ Twister ~ Dark Pulse

A new trainer stepped up to the stage after the previous appeals. Her face was set, determined, but nervousness was clear in her eyes. This was her first time ever doing something like this, and the stakes were high. Very high. Despite this, she was ready to take the stage. A rather large bird was perched on her shoulder, its head bent downward as if it was sleeping. The large fedora-like crest on its head cast the rest of its face into shadow, and the only visible feature beneath the dark feathers was its sharp, golden beak.

“Nacht.” The German word roused the Honchkrow from its sleep-like state, and it exchanged a glance with its trainer before surveying its surroundings. A swamp was a natural habitat to him, and the edges of the dark bird’s beak curled up into a smirk “You know what to do.”

The Honchkrow nodded, flapping his large wings before jumping from his trainers shoulders. Nacht circled around the clearing once, taking in the makeshift arena before coming to hover with his back to his trainer. He was a seasoned fighter on his trainers team, but he knew when and how to perform. Puffing out his chest, Nacht awaited his first order.

“Rain Dance.” The command was issued with confidence, and Nacht nodded from his place in the center of the clearing. Looking to the sky that was only barely visible through the thick foliage, Nacht flew up as high as he could. With a flourish of his deep blue feathers, his eyes began to glow with a bright blue hue. After several seconds, the clearing darkened considerably. Heavy clouds began to gather, forming a single menacing mass just above the trees. With a rumble of thunder to signal its arrival, rain poured into the swamp.

Not looking the slightest bit disgruntled by his sudden wet feathers, Nacht began to slowly glide around the now sodden clearing as the rain fell. A smile appeared on his trainers lips as she issued her next order.

“Icy Wind...”

Nacht let out a piercing cry, opening his beak wide as he came to hover in the center of the arena once more. A light blue glow appeared in the back of his throat as his entire body seemed to tense. The sudden gust of cold air that spewed from his mouth froze the rain around him completely solid, forming crystalline shards that sparkled as they fell to the gurgling earth below. Turning his head to the terrain below him, Nacht focused the icy blast on the swamp, solidifying the mud and decomposing plant matter into a glittering stage of iridescent ice. The Honchkrow lowered himself onto the glowing surface, the clouds from his previous move dissipating and leaving the frozen rain sparkling in the surrounding air.

“Nacht, you know what to do.” The bird’s head snapped up at the words, his eyes flashing menacingly. With a heavy pump of his wings, Nacht forced the air around him to begin to rotate. It picked up speed as it progressed, and shards of the icy floor were sucked into the Twister as it grew in size. The crystals that Nacht had made previously were also sucked in, causing the spinning column of air to shimmer and glow. The trees surrounding the swamp bent towards the raging twister, as if bowing to its might, creaking and cracking as if they were giving their own eerie kind of applause.

Nacht needed no instruction for his last move. It came naturally to him, and his trainer was confident the Honchkrow would know what to do in this situation. A dark glow appeared within the raging twister, spreading throughout the column of air and ice. With surge of power, the dark energy burst through the air, causing the ice shards to move with it. The black cloud of energy hung suspended around the clearing before sinking slowly to the ground, shimmering until it finally disappeared. Nacht stood on the small island of ice, his head bowed and wings splayed as everything in the clearing fell silent. A soft chuckle from his trainer grabbed his attention and he looked up, flying from his makeshift platform to his place on her shoulder once again.

Their appeal had been a success, and the trainer walked away with an air of renewed confidence.

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Old 02-06-2013, 08:07 PM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.


[Bregalad] Ninjask (M)
Ability: Speed Boost
No signature move
Obtained: Adoption Centre
Evolved: Evolution Dojo

Double Team ~ Agility ~ Night Slash

I stood surveying the waterlogged marsh. The sodden ground made moving around difficult - I knew that much from walking over it to get this far. This would rule out using any ground-based pokémon for this round; fortunately I hadn’t been planning to use one, having chosen a flying-type for my appeal, which I hoped would give me a slight advantage over my opponents.

My hand slowly reached for the first poké ball on my belt, then, having grasped it, I pressed the the button on its centre line to make it grow to its ordinary size. I held it for a moment, weighing it in my hand and then took a deep breath and threw it into the air. It split open, letting out a burst of white light, which quickly formed into a vaguely insect like shape. However, before the formation process was finished, the pokémon inside was speeding away as fast as he could. I smiled - this was going just as planned.

However, its identity wasn’t hidden for long. Soon, the form of a Ninjask appeared above the root-encrusted cinder block, his white wings beating furiously to keep him in the air. He wasn’t alone though: another soon joined him, hovering a few metres away, and another after that. There were soon five Ninjask buzzing in a cross, centred on the cinder block. Now the show would begin.

From their stationary positions, the five bugs suddenly began to dance, whizzing past each other at terrific speeds, climbing several feet and then diving down until they nearly hit the sandy ground before pulling up, spinning like a sycamore seed in reverse. As the dance went on, the dancers began to move faster and faster, their moves becoming more and more daring. Finally, they stopped dead in the exact same formation as where they had started and paused, allowing the tension to build.

Suddenly, the Ninjask in the centre blurred and disappeared, beginning once again to move faster than my eyes could follow. Then, he was next to one of his identical twins, his front legs swirling with darkness. Without giving time for his proximity to register, he slashed through the bug’s body, making it flicker and fade away. Before the others could react, he had disappeared once again and cut down the next Ninjask without mercy. He worked his way around, dispatching each with the stealth, speed and skill of a ninja.

When they were all destroyed, he moved back to where he had started: above the cinder block. Having retrieved his poké ball, I aimed it at him and he was converted back into light and pulled back in. We had done all we could, all there was left to do was wait.
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Old 02-08-2013, 01:30 AM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.


[Freaky Blimp] Drifblim* (F)
Silver Wind ~ Ominous Wind ~ Psychic ~ Haze

My hand trembles as it holds the Pokeball. Performing always makes me nervous. Contests ought to be better, since it's not me going up and making a fool of myself, but they aren't. After all, if my Pokemon screws up here, that's all on me.

So I delay my appeal as long as I can, until finally the contestant pool seems tapped out. Then I step up to make my move, still holding the Pokeball in my hand. At least it's not too windy anymore. The thought of the good weather gives me a marginal amount of confidence as I toss the Pokeball into the clearing's center.

A burst of red light streams from the Pokeball, before clearing to reveal the form of my chosen Pokemon: a golden creature with a bulbous body that tapers down to a cyan plume at its bottom end. The Pokemon has four 'arms', which really look only like blue-tipped scraps added as an afterthought. It gazes at the crowd with bright teal eyes, looking a bit dazed for a moment before brought to attention by a quiet murmur from me. "Silver Wind, Freaky," I remind my Pokemon quietly. Her body expands, and she begins to rise higher and higher, almost to the treetops. The flabby arms rise as if of their own accord and begin to glow with a faint white light. Then, with a quick flick, she sends the light flying downward. A crescent of sparkling silver energy flies from each arm, tilted inward at an angle so that they blend together into one meteor of light.

"Ominous Wind!" I call out as soon as the sphere forms. I have to be careful; this appeal hinges on two main things, and the first is timing. Fortunately, Freaky and I have practiced this often enough. Her body inflates, nearly doubling in size, before contracting rapidly as she opens her mouth and lets out a breath of glowing, deep-violet energy. Freaky begins to descend, slowly chasing the second wind attack even as it chases the first. But the silver energy hits the ground first, pulverizing the swamp muck as it bursts into a shower of silvery dust, each speck glimmering with captured light.

I tense; if we mess up, it will be here. This is where the second main factor, control, comes into play. "Psychic, now!" I shout. Freaky stops, still several feet above the ground. Her eyes light up bright blue, just as the violet wind begins to blow the silver sparkles and purple mist into miniature cyclones of glowing dust. A blue glow, faint but present, casts the marsh floor and surrounding area in an eerie light. Slowly, the glow lifts upward and curls inward, pulling the glittering dust and violet wisps with it.

With an abrupt pull, the energy lifts like a net and closes in the shape of an orb around Freaky. The motion sets the mist and powder to dancing, causing an effect that is every bit what I intended: Freaky looks like the center of a snowglobe, what with the white powder twirling around her. To be sure, it's an eerie snowglobe, what with the blue glow and purple mist.

She stays like that for several seconds, holding onto the effect for as long as possible. Once the 'snowflakes' begin to settle, I call out for Freaky to use her last move. "Haze."

The psychic bubble snaps, and Freaky releases a veritable explosion of thick, choking smoke that swallows up the sparkles. When it fades, swept away by rain and wind, the space it once occupied is empty. Freaky and all traces that she has ever been here have vanished.

Feeling a bit more confident now, I smile and wave at the other competitors. "Thanks for watching!" I say before I can lose my nerve. A presence appears at my shoulder, and Freaky tilts her body slightly so that she and I can bow in unison.

Spoiler:
In the ending, I made use of Drifblim's Pokedex-described ability to disappear. Thanks for reading. :>
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  #10  
Old 02-09-2013, 12:01 AM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.

Alright, guys; Appeals are officially over. The Judges will have their grades up by the end of this weekend and the Battle threads will be up by Tuesday. :D Good luck to everyone!
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Old 02-09-2013, 06:18 AM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Neku Sakuraba View Post
I stepped off the plane, ready to go, with Sharpshooter, my Weavile, his Poke Ball in hand. When I reached the appeal area (Or what seemed to be it), I tossed the ball, allowing the creature to prowl as he pleases.

"Use Ice Beam on the ground!" I managed to get out to Sharpshooter. Knowing this was a good idea, the Weavile released a stream of light blue energy on the marsh, freezing it completely. This was the chance to make sure he wouldn't slip, now things were a little bit easier.

"Use Ice Beam to raise a block of ice, then use Night Slash to carve!" Once again, Weavile obeyed. With the same blast of blue energy, he managed to form a block of ice. Then, Sharpshooter's claws turned into a deep purplish-black and started to attack the ice, only being able to see dark dashes instead of the creature. When finished, his whole body could be seen again, and the ice was in the shape of himself.
Creativity/Originality: 18/25.
Firstly, using the same move two times in a row wasn't a very good idea. It just generally creates a boring Appeal. Freezing the marsh wasn't entirely creative, but it was a good idea to prevent yourself from slipping, so I won't dock points there. However, carving a sculpture isn't the most imaginative thing.

Realism: 12/15.
I find it hard to believe that Weavile froze the entire field solid so easily, then carved the ice pillar into a perfectly sculpted Weavile.

Writing: 9/20.
This was much too short, in all honesty. Next time, describe each attack more, go into more detail regarding how the attacks looked, how they affected the Pokemon Appealing, etc. Rather than using Ice Beam twice, perhaps you could've used Ice Shard to create stepping stones to stand on, then Ice Beam to create the ice block you carved. Having Weavile use Quick Attack to jump from stone to stone while slashing at the Ice would've created a much better appeal.

Theme: 9/10.
You obviously kept to the theme rather well, as only particular Pokemon were allowed.I felt that using an agile Pokemon in a place heavily populated was a nice idea, and the Ice Beam prevented Weavile from slipping in the marsh, which is what I was looking for. Nice job here.

Overall: 3/10.
It was much to short be be enjoyable, imo. It felt really rushed and the descriptions were that of a Ref writing out a battle scene (which isn't good in Contests). In the future, spend a bit more time thinking about your Appeal, making the Judges go, “Wow,” and making it flow properly.

Total: 51/85 ~ D-.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saraibre Ryu View Post

Vio-Nai the Hydreigon [F]
Ability: Levitate

Performing the Appeal: 'Lily in the Night'

Moves used: Earth Power, Surf, Dark Pulse and Flash Cannon

The smell of salt was faint on the sea breeze that drafted its way into the murky swamplands, which lay to be the gate keeper of what was beyond the beach. The only sight of civilization was the cinderblock, seemingly in the centre of an audience of trees, hanging moss and limp deadfall. It would be the platform of a show, a simple one, but one that would shed a new light on the meaning of what was to be feared from this place. If anything was going to instill fear, it was going to be something that was meant to be feared.

A Dusk ball was tossed in the air by a trainer; her eyes closed and her pose without confidence. Out of the blackened light formed a mass of black and violet; a Hydreigon, one simply laying there with arms tucked in, wings folded over like a strait jacket, and head lowered. Her magenta crest that was usually open around her neck, was shut over her face like her evolutionary kin before her. She rested, motionless on the stage, unusually silent for something of her reputation. Vio-Nai waited, silently, until her trainer quietly voiced a command.

“Earth Power.”

Even with the instruction, Vio-Nai was still, as if she were asleep. However, what was around her, was far from quiet. The marsh began to move, and bubble as if it had a life of its own, around the designated stage. The film covered mud and muck made unpleasant gurgling in the form of deep bubbles popping due to the change in the earth below it. Lights from the geothermal power caused the muck to glow hues of amber and copper, becoming more and more violent with each passing moment. It looked as if something was coming for her in her sleep. It was in a rhythmic circle around the dark dragon, and now was the perfect timing for the next phase.

“Surf.” Her trainer commanded quietly.

The tide outside the marsh began to swell, filling water into the swamp and having it spill over the cinderblock stage. The shifting earth that had bubbled previously was starting to swirl the water around the stage, carrying torn up roots and globs of moss and slime along with it. A monster was coming forth out of the mud it seemed, one that had the flesh made out of materials of the biome itself. With the combination of the two attacks, the Earth Power created just enough geyser like pressure to create the illusion something was circling the still motionless Vio-Nai like a hungry Sharpedo. The water continued to rise an inch more with each lap, small waves swiping at the dragon’s sides as if they were some kind of claws. Vio-Nai’s left and right head started to stir a bit while the main one remained limp and closed, feeling something was close upon them. Just as they looked up, a large crest of liquid consumed her with one large crash, as if the monster it was imitating was trying to eat her whole; a monster attacking a sleeping soul who dared to rest within its domain. It was only then did Vio-Nai begin to move, struggling against a gnarled grip of roots and thick moss. The suspense of the tale was beginning to come to its apex, as soon nothing but the swirling madness of the wetlands coming to life was seen over what was a Hydreigon.

The trainer gave her final orders. “Dark Pulse and finally, Flash Cannon.”

The suffocating blanket of slime, soil and water erupted suddenly in a black, horizontal explosion, darkening the area and blocking out what little light had come through the fauna with the ominous energy. Vio-Nai was now floating a few feet above the stage completely clean of the film, and wings flapping in an orderly fashion. Her heads began to rise very slowly, including the center one as each piece of the crest began to peel back from her face like a blooming flower. As it was revealed in a silent, sluggish pace, Vio-Nai’s maw also opened, revealing a bright orb of light being held between her glimmering fangs, as well as in the mouth's on her left and right heads. The inside of her crests caught the reflection of the light and glimmered magenta under the false midnight haze. The glow remained for only a few moments before the dragon snapped her jaw shut, leaving only the gleam of the Hydreigon’s deadly purple eyes to be seen.

The swamp monster was dead, slain by the water lily it sought to swallow. The sunlight returned, and Vio-Nai was returned to her ball after hiding herself the same way she came onto the stage. The story was over, and her trainer could only hope it was well received.



Inspiration:
Spoiler:
Marsh is all gloomy and Hydreigon are deadly, also their heads remind me of lilie's that only bloom at night, similar to how Deino and Zweillous are blind until they fuly evolve. [There are ones that specifically live in marshy areas, go look it up] It was a bit more moves than I would have liked to use, but I wanted to do something different for a Hydreigon. Also, Jenn said it was possible to slip and fall on the stage, but that was if feet were involved~
Creativity/Originality: 25/25.
Absolutely amazing. Your goal was to do something unique for a Hydreigon and that's exactly what you did; when I began reading you appeal, I expected a more generic Dragon appeal, containing more explosions and exaggeration of physical power. Fantastic job here, Sabi.

Realism: 11/15.
The only real flaw here was the fact that Surf could reach the marsh, as it was supposed to be a fair distance away. I was looking at the fact that Hydreigon floated motionlessly, but then watched a few clips from the anime and Hydreigon do in fact hover, like Jumpluff or Haunter or whatever. You did a pretty good job at explaining how things looked and worked the way they did, which is nice as it means I have less to fact-check.

Writing: 18/20.
Aside from a few missing commas and hyphens, your grammar is great. However, the Earth Power to Surf transition didn't flow too well. I didn't really see a point to the Flash Canon, either.

Theme: 10/10.
I'd give you 11 here if I could! Using a Hydreigon and relating it to marshland lilies was very interesting and creative. You stuck to the theme very well, incorporating the arena into your Appeal flawlessly.

Overall: 8/10.
Aside from the little weird transition and anti-climactic ending (you should've beefed up the paragraph about Dark Pulse a bit more, as it was the most important part of the story—the triumphant ending.

Total: 72/85 ~ B.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Typhlosion Explosion View Post

Zoroark [M]
Ability: Illusion

We were the third participants. Nervousness set in, this was my very first contest and I didn't want to mess it up. This would make me our break me in the contest world, so I had to do good. I at least had to try.

I was risen out of my deep thoughts by the announcer calling my name. I hurried out to the marshy arena. The crowd applauded, easing my nervousness a small amount. had two Pokeballs on me, Zoroark and Gobi. I should've decided this before I came out on stage, but I had totally forgotten. I went for Gobi's Pokeball, but then decided against it and grabbed Zoroark's Pokeball.

"Zoroark, center stage!" I cried, the Pokemon emerging from it's Pokeball, dark auras filling the room.

"Nasty Plot." I instructed.

Zoroark's body became pitch-black, nothing but a black body outline in the middle of the stage. The arena suddenly darkened too, slowly and slowly, little by little, the area became pitch black. The crowd mumbled. Some in fear, some in awe.

"Detect!" I screamed, enough for the audience to quieten down to sheer silence.

A brief twinkle shined in the middle of the stage. Then another. Then another. A reflective barrier could be seen in the stage's center. The crowd remained silent.

"Double Team, then Torment!" I commanded.

The barrier glowed faintly. Another one appeared. The crowd gasped. Another one. Then another. Until five barriers were seen surrounding the middle of the stage. Screeches could be heard as Torment was used.

"Extrasensory, do it!" I confidently pointed.

Five glowing orbs emerged in the darkness. The orbs grew in size until they were forcefully released into the air. The crowd paused. The orbs suddenly exploded, lighting up the stage once more. Each Zoroark was entangled in a dark, ghostly web-like net. Torment had done it's job.

"Psychic! Then use Focus Blast!" I jumped up in excitement.

Each Zoroark glowed with a blue outline. This shattered the web-like nets. Each Zoroark glowed gracefully. Each one then suddenly started glowing in it's core. The sphere of energy was growing until each one grabbed it and shot it into the air. The spheres were Focus Blast. Each one stood motionlessly in mid-air.

"Finish this with Punishment! Then Night Daze!" I finished my commands.

Each Zoroark's arm lighted up with a purple coating. They rised into the air and slashed the Focus Blasts forcefully. Each one landed, seeming to do nothing to the spheres. Each one smiled wryly. The spheres lit up and exploded, causing firework-like explosions. The Zoroark on stage jumped up then emitted a pulse of pure darkness, enhancing the explosion caused by the Focus Blasts. The clones then dispersed into the original Zoroark in mid air, with only one Zoroark landing. Zoroark then bowed and returned to it's Pokeball.

I bowed as well, walking off the stage. The crowd's whoops and applause meant a lot. I walked off the arena back into the contestant's room, eager for the final judging.
Creativity/Originality: 17/25.
Double Team + something flying into the air isn't exactly unheard of, by any means. There were waaaay to many attacks being used, as anywhere between 3-5 is ideal.

Realism: 4/15.
Due to the fact that we're on the island Mewtwo resides on, there is no audience, so I took a large sum of points away from you there. Zoroark have Illusion Ability, which creates Double Team clones as it's released from it's Pokeball, so the fact that it's ability was completely ignored lost you a bit of points as well. Another thing, if you calculate everything out, Zoroark used 80% of it's Energy just on this Appeal, with out breaking a sweat. Yeeeaaah, no.

Writing: 8/20.
There are a large amount of grammar mistakes in your Appeal, especially in the first couple paragraphs. Nothing flowed correctly, and I got the impression that it was a bunch of small Appeals within a larger one.

Theme: 7/10.
You didn't use the arena to your advantage in the slightest, which is kinda the entire point of having an arena that isn't plain. In the future, make sure to incorporate your Pokemon's surroundings into the Appeal and working with it as much as possible.

Overall: 3/10.
I didn't really enjoy having to read this entire thing, especially with all the grammar errors, as I knew it wouldn't contain anything of substance. Try a bit harder next time, Corey. Talk to some vets, post in the Trial Hall. I think the main problem you had here was the result of not knowing exactly what to do.

Total: 39/85 ~ F.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sammy0295 View Post

Jira
Tyranitar
Ability: Sandstream
Signature Move: n/a

Jira stood next to her trainer, towering nearly 2 feet above her. It was times like these that the huge Tyranitar wished she could shrink. It occurred to her that it was silly to be nervous over something so simple. She was one of the most intimidating Pokémon ever, and yet the thought of performing gave her a pit in her stomach. She looked to her trainer. She had joined the girl's team only recently, but Sam apparently trusted her to do this. "You ready?" her trainer asked with a small smile. She nodded hesitantly. "You can do it. Like we practiced." As Jira trudged through the mud to the center of the appeal arena, the heavy Pokémon sunk into the soft ground. It was a good thing she didn't need to move much.

"Let's do this, Jira!" The dinosaur-like Pokémon spread her legs for stability and prepared for her orders. Sand was released from her body, from every crack and hole in her armor. It was as natural to her as breathing. It was caught in an unseen wind that twisted it around her.

“Flamethrower!" The Tyranitar opened her mouth wide, and a red glow could be seen in her throat. She released a beam of swirling flames, red and yellow twisting together. She swung he head from side to side, and where fire hit sand, it could be seen changing from rough yellow rock to tiny shards of glass, clear and glistening, still whipping around her in every direction.

"Now Stone Edge!" The Armor Pokémon closed her eyes to concentrate. Rings of blue energy began to circle around her. Glass collected in the light and formed larger shards; jagged and reflecting whatever light hit them. Jira's eye shot open, new glowing blue, and the shards that were orbiting her shot out in every direction at incredible speed.

"Now finish it! Hyper Beam!" Jira let out a roar worthy of a Tyranitar. A huge ray shot from her mouth, pure energy, glowing bright white in contrast with the dark marsh. She moved the beam in a horizontal line, shattering the glass shards. As the glow faded, the sandstorm subsided. Tiny pieces of glass floated to the muddy ground, glinting different colors, barely more than glitter.

Jira panted to regain her breath as she turned to her trainer. Sam smiled and nodded approvingly. Jira sighed in relief and moved towards her trainer, happy to be done with the appeal.
Creativity/Originality: 20/25.
The idea of a timid Tyranitar was really cute, I thought. c: I didn't really see the purpose of Stone Edge, however, as I interpreted it as the stones hitting the glass shards originally.

Realism: 13/15.
I like the way you implemented Tyranitar's Sandstream activating, it created a really good visual. Tyranitar is heavy enough to prevent herself from slipping, as she puts more weight directly down on the ground. The fact that she was panting after using Hyper Beam was a nice touch that got you a point or two back. But, while I did think it was cute, Tyranitar's are confident and powerful by nature; a scared one seems really off.

Writing: 18/20.
I really like the way you write, though I would prefer it be a bit longer in the future

Theme: 8/10.
A Tyranitar doesn't entirely fit the marshland-type theme, but I feel you made it work, since you added in the bit about sinking in the mud.

Overall: 8/10.
I really wish it were a bit longer, but aside from that this was an overall enjoyable Appeal. In the future, though, you should describe what's going on a bit more, as the look of it all wasn't entirely clear.

Total: 67/85 ~ C+.

cont--
__________________
I need a new sig, uhg.
██ ->>> Links. Twin: Justin. Pair: Corey. ||・
  #12  
Old 02-09-2013, 06:22 AM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Socratic Sarcasm View Post

[Sol] Volcarona (Male)
Ability: Flame Body
Obtained: Starter
Evolved:Evolution Dojo
Signature Move: Solar Soul

You see a lanky teenager wearing a lab coat and glasses running up to the stage. He's holding a book in one hand and a Ball in the other, looking rather awkward and gawky. His voice, however, is surprisingly deep as he throws the ball from his hand with a "Forward!"

You're not very sure what to expect from the seemingly nebbish and bony coordinator, but it certainly isn't the Volcarona that bursts out of the sphere, obviously battle scarred. You see a steely glint in both the sky blue eyes of the moth and the hazel ones of its coordinator. The trainer gives a small smirk before speaking.

"Remember class, all fires need three things. Oxygen."

You're wondering why the trainer decided to say something so completely random when you begin to feel a breeze across your face. You start to dismiss it, but then you realize it's starting to pick up speed. A quick examination of the trees near the marsh reveals that the wind is spinning circularly. The fiery moth is high in the sky at the eye of the storm, obviously concentrating.
The teen's eyes seem to be on alert, almost like they're waiting for something. You see his smile widen a few seconds later as you hear him bellow:

"Fuel!"

The wind suddenly accelerates, and you have to shield your eyes so that you can see. At that same instant, many leaves and branches from the surrounding trees shear off, peppering the cyclone around the moth with large amounts of foliage. You back away from the wind, worried about the debris that might hit you. You hear the man cry out one more time:

"HEAT!"

In that instant, you feel a pulse of heat coming from the Volcarona. The wind obviously gets the lion's share, because, while any of your exposed skin becomes immediately pink and tender like it was sunburned, the poor plant matter in the storm ignites.

You survey the results with awe. The winds are clearly visible and extremely dangerous, as they swirl blazes around the moth at high speed. The fires are burning brightly and smoking heavily. And yet, the coordinator isn't done yet.
"When all these come together, fire BURNS!"

With that, the Volcarona begins to focus. All of a sudden, the Volcarona's six wings burn with the white fire of the sun.

Your eyebrows are closer to your hairline than eyes now. You see a powerful firestorm, midnight black with smoke. In it, there are brightly blazing flames, whirring with lives of there own. In the eye, you see black silhouette surrounded by a sun of its own creation, powerfully illuminated. The roars of the flames crash in your ears with thundering claps.

You used to wonder how the ancient people would worship a Pokemon, a bug, in fact. Now that you've seen this...

You will never wonder about that again.

Spoiler:

Appeal:
Hurricane~Heat Wave~Fiery Dance

Notes:

The wetness of the plants both enabled the smoke and allowed the plant matter to not immediately turn to ash. And like Sabi said, if it floats or flies, there's no chance of slipping.
Creativity/Originality: 21/25.
I loved this. I really, really did. I took a bit of points off for the, “Flying-type move making stuff swirl around me.” Aside from that, I felt that your commentary made for a unique and distinctive Appeal.

Realism: 12/15.
The main issue I had with how realistic your Appeal was was that you said you “ran up to the arena.” The arena is a large marsh, making running fairly impossible, I'd think. Aside from that, the only problem was that the leaves burned so slowly. You addressed this in your spoiler, but I feel that the moistness would've only made them burn for a few seconds longer.

Writing: 18/20.
Some of your sentences were written abruptly, causing odd pauses as I read through your Appeal. There were also a few small grammar errors, like not using a colon before a monolog since you put the spoken words on a separate line. Aside from these, though, everything seems in order.

Theme: 10/10.
This Appeal is a perfect example of using the theme to your advantage. A swampy marshland is Volcarona's natural habitat, you utilized the foliage around you, and avoided the slipping factor. Great job here.

Overall: 10/10.
I loved this Appeal; I was literally smiling as I finished reading this. It's easily my favorite so far and it'll be pretty hard to beat.

Total: 71/85 ~ B-.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 5TailedDemonLizard View Post

Nacht the Honchkrow
Ability: Super Luck
Signature Move: N/A

Appeal:
Rain Dance ~ Icy Wind ~ Twister ~ Dark Pulse

A new trainer stepped up to the stage after the previous appeals. Her face was set, determined, but nervousness was clear in her eyes. This was her first time ever doing something like this, and the stakes were high. Very high. Despite this, she was ready to take the stage. A rather large bird was perched on her shoulder, its head bent downward as if it was sleeping. The large fedora-like crest on its head cast the rest of its face into shadow, and the only visible feature beneath the dark feathers was its sharp, golden beak.

“Nacht.” The German word roused the Honchkrow from its sleep-like state, and it exchanged a glance with its trainer before surveying its surroundings. A swamp was a natural habitat to him, and the edges of the dark bird’s beak curled up into a smirk “You know what to do.”

The Honchkrow nodded, flapping his large wings before jumping from his trainers shoulders. Nacht circled around the clearing once, taking in the makeshift arena before coming to hover with his back to his trainer. He was a seasoned fighter on his trainers team, but he knew when and how to perform. Puffing out his chest, Nacht awaited his first order.

“Rain Dance.” The command was issued with confidence, and Nacht nodded from his place in the center of the clearing. Looking to the sky that was only barely visible through the thick foliage, Nacht flew up as high as he could. With a flourish of his deep blue feathers, his eyes began to glow with a bright blue hue. After several seconds, the clearing darkened considerably. Heavy clouds began to gather, forming a single menacing mass just above the trees. With a rumble of thunder to signal its arrival, rain poured into the swamp.

Not looking the slightest bit disgruntled by his sudden wet feathers, Nacht began to slowly glide around the now sodden clearing as the rain fell. A smile appeared on his trainers lips as she issued her next order.

“Icy Wind...”

Nacht let out a piercing cry, opening his beak wide as he came to hover in the center of the arena once more. A light blue glow appeared in the back of his throat as his entire body seemed to tense. The sudden gust of cold air that spewed from his mouth froze the rain around him completely solid, forming crystalline shards that sparkled as they fell to the gurgling earth below. Turning his head to the terrain below him, Nacht focused the icy blast on the swamp, solidifying the mud and decomposing plant matter into a glittering stage of iridescent ice. The Honchkrow lowered himself onto the glowing surface, the clouds from his previous move dissipating and leaving the frozen rain sparkling in the surrounding air.

“Nacht, you know what to do.” The bird’s head snapped up at the words, his eyes flashing menacingly. With a heavy pump of his wings, Nacht forced the air around him to begin to rotate. It picked up speed as it progressed, and shards of the icy floor were sucked into the Twister as it grew in size. The crystals that Nacht had made previously were also sucked in, causing the spinning column of air to shimmer and glow. The trees surrounding the swamp bent towards the raging twister, as if bowing to its might, creaking and cracking as if they were giving their own eerie kind of applause.

Nacht needed no instruction for his last move. It came naturally to him, and his trainer was confident the Honchkrow would know what to do in this situation. A dark glow appeared within the raging twister, spreading throughout the column of air and ice. With surge of power, the dark energy burst through the air, causing the ice shards to move with it. The black cloud of energy hung suspended around the clearing before sinking slowly to the ground, shimmering until it finally disappeared. Nacht stood on the small island of ice, his head bowed and wings splayed as everything in the clearing fell silent. A soft chuckle from his trainer grabbed his attention and he looked up, flying from his makeshift platform to his place on her shoulder once again.

Their appeal had been a success, and the trainer walked away with an air of renewed confidence.

Creativity/Originality: 15/25.
Freezing Rain Dance is pretty generic to begin with, but pairing that with another vacuum tornado left me pretty bored.

Realism: 10/15.
Honchcrow weighs about 60 pounds, for the record, so having it perched on your shoulder would either be extremely uncomfortable, or you're buff as fck. Aside from that, as I said above in Neku's Appeal, using an Ice-type move to freeze the arena (especially one with such a low BP as Icy Wind) is unlikely, so I shaved about three points off for that.

Writing: 19/20.
As always, your grammar is impeccable—no one's getting that Grammar Nazi Achievement because of you, that's for sure. You described the scenario very well and utilized a good vocabulary, however, I felt that Dark Pulse should've received a bit more attention, as I feel like it was tossed in as an after thought.

Theme: 9/10.
Using a Honchcrow was a very good idea, but I wish that you would've let a few leaves fly into the Twister. However, I can understand why you wouldn't have, as that would be too similar to Socratic's.

Overall: 7/10.
Again, I felt it was kinda generic, but enjoyed it nonetheless. Try to be a bit more creative next time. You have the writing skill, now you just gotta think of something worth writing about.

Total: 60/85 ~ C-.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KantoBreeder View Post

[Bregalad] Ninjask (M)
Ability: Speed Boost
No signature move
Obtained: Adoption Centre
Evolved: Evolution Dojo

Double Team ~ Agility ~ Night Slash

I stood surveying the waterlogged marsh. The sodden ground made moving around difficult - I knew that much from walking over it to get this far. This would rule out using any ground-based pokémon for this round; fortunately I hadn’t been planning to use one, having chosen a flying-type for my appeal, which I hoped would give me a slight advantage over my opponents.

My hand slowly reached for the first poké ball on my belt, then, having grasped it, I pressed the the button on its centre line to make it grow to its ordinary size. I held it for a moment, weighing it in my hand and then took a deep breath and threw it into the air. It split open, letting out a burst of white light, which quickly formed into a vaguely insect like shape. However, before the formation process was finished, the pokémon inside was speeding away as fast as he could. I smiled - this was going just as planned.

However, its identity wasn’t hidden for long. Soon, the form of a Ninjask appeared above the root-encrusted cinder block, his white wings beating furiously to keep him in the air. He wasn’t alone though: another soon joined him, hovering a few metres away, and another after that. There were soon five Ninjask buzzing in a cross, centred on the cinder block. Now the show would begin.

From their stationary positions, the five bugs suddenly began to dance, whizzing past each other at terrific speeds, climbing several feet and then diving down until they nearly hit the sandy ground before pulling up, spinning like a sycamore seed in reverse. As the dance went on, the dancers began to move faster and faster, their moves becoming more and more daring. Finally, they stopped dead in the exact same formation as where they had started and paused, allowing the tension to build.

Suddenly, the Ninjask in the centre blurred and disappeared, beginning once again to move faster than my eyes could follow. Then, he was next to one of his identical twins, his front legs swirling with darkness. Without giving time for his proximity to register, he slashed through the bug’s body, making it flicker and fade away. Before the others could react, he had disappeared once again and cut down the next Ninjask without mercy. He worked his way around, dispatching each with the stealth, speed and skill of a ninja.

When they were all destroyed, he moved back to where he had started: above the cinder block. Having retrieved his poké ball, I aimed it at him and he was converted back into light and pulled back in. We had done all we could, all there was left to do was wait.
Creativity/Originality: 21/25.
I don't feel like this Appeal has anything really, “oomph-y” about it. It feels kinda like a commercial; you're still sitting on the couch, but you're taking a break between portions of the TV show. Try to give something with a bit more pizazz next time.

Realism: 15/15.
I could picture this happening very easily in the anime, especially since it's so simple. You're probably the only person who'll get a fifteen in this category, so good job here.

Writing: 17/20.
The pause after Agility really killed the Appeal for me; if the Ninjask had used their momentum to move into Night Slash, that would've lead to a better flowing Appeal. Also, the fact that a lot of proper nouns weren't capitalized irked me. The way it was written created a nice mood to the Appeal.

Theme: 9/10.
I like the idea of using mosquito-like Bug-types in this Appeal, as the humid swamp would probably have many to begin with, but a more

Overall: 7/10.
Unfortunately, I thought the Appeal was kinda boring. :/

Total: 69/85 ~ B-.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Velocity View Post

[Freaky Blimp] Drifblim* (F)
Silver Wind ~ Ominous Wind ~ Psychic ~ Haze

My hand trembles as it holds the Pokeball. Performing always makes me nervous. Contests ought to be better, since it's not me going up and making a fool of myself, but they aren't. After all, if my Pokemon screws up here, that's all on me.

So I delay my appeal as long as I can, until finally the contestant pool seems tapped out. Then I step up to make my move, still holding the Pokeball in my hand. At least it's not too windy anymore. The thought of the good weather gives me a marginal amount of confidence as I toss the Pokeball into the clearing's center.

A burst of red light streams from the Pokeball, before clearing to reveal the form of my chosen Pokemon: a golden creature with a bulbous body that tapers down to a cyan plume at its bottom end. The Pokemon has four 'arms', which really look only like blue-tipped scraps added as an afterthought. It gazes at the crowd with bright teal eyes, looking a bit dazed for a moment before brought to attention by a quiet murmur from me. "Silver Wind, Freaky," I remind my Pokemon quietly. Her body expands, and she begins to rise higher and higher, almost to the treetops. The flabby arms rise as if of their own accord and begin to glow with a faint white light. Then, with a quick flick, she sends the light flying downward. A crescent of sparkling silver energy flies from each arm, tilted inward at an angle so that they blend together into one meteor of light.

"Ominous Wind!" I call out as soon as the sphere forms. I have to be careful; this appeal hinges on two main things, and the first is timing. Fortunately, Freaky and I have practiced this often enough. Her body inflates, nearly doubling in size, before contracting rapidly as she opens her mouth and lets out a breath of glowing, deep-violet energy. Freaky begins to descend, slowly chasing the second wind attack even as it chases the first. But the silver energy hits the ground first, pulverizing the swamp muck as it bursts into a shower of silvery dust, each speck glimmering with captured light.

I tense; if we mess up, it will be here. This is where the second main factor, control, comes into play. "Psychic, now!" I shout. Freaky stops, still several feet above the ground. Her eyes light up bright blue, just as the violet wind begins to blow the silver sparkles and purple mist into miniature cyclones of glowing dust. A blue glow, faint but present, casts the marsh floor and surrounding area in an eerie light. Slowly, the glow lifts upward and curls inward, pulling the glittering dust and violet wisps with it.

With an abrupt pull, the energy lifts like a net and closes in the shape of an orb around Freaky. The motion sets the mist and powder to dancing, causing an effect that is every bit what I intended: Freaky looks like the center of a snowglobe, what with the white powder twirling around her. To be sure, it's an eerie snowglobe, what with the blue glow and purple mist.

She stays like that for several seconds, holding onto the effect for as long as possible. Once the 'snowflakes' begin to settle, I call out for Freaky to use her last move. "Haze."

The psychic bubble snaps, and Freaky releases a veritable explosion of thick, choking smoke that swallows up the sparkles. When it fades, swept away by rain and wind, the space it once occupied is empty. Freaky and all traces that she has ever been here have vanished.

Feeling a bit more confident now, I smile and wave at the other competitors. "Thanks for watching!" I say before I can lose my nerve. A presence appears at my shoulder, and Freaky tilts her body slightly so that she and I can bow in unison.

Spoiler:
In the ending, I made use of Drifblim's Pokedex-described ability to disappear. Thanks for reading. :>
Creativity/Originality: 24/25.
I thought the whole net thing was very creative, something I wouldn't expect from anyone but you. Nice job here.

Realism: 13/15.
When balloons expel the air inside them, they often fly in the opposite direction, so when you said that Drifblim was descending after using Ominous Wind, it registered as a bit off for me.

Writing: 18/20.
No grammar mistakes that I saw, but my only issue with this is that the net scene needs to be described better. It was a complicated Appeal, so a few extra explanation sentences would've been nice.

Theme: 8/10.
I like how you had Silver Wind slice into the marsh below, but the Drifblim seemed pretty random as far as Pokemon go.

Overall: 9/10.
Overal, this was a nice Appeal. It was a great way to end the Appeal round of this Contest. :)

Total: 72/85 ~ B.
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Last edited by 3m0d0ll; 02-09-2013 at 06:25 AM.
  #13  
Old 02-10-2013, 02:59 AM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.

Kyle's Judging Scores

Neku 54/85 [64%]
Spoiler:
Creativity/Originality: 14/25.
It is... good enough. Creating an ice sculpture isn't actually the most creative thing in the world, especially with all the options you have in the Pokemon world. However, the other small things you did helped, like freezing the ground and shaping the ice after your pokemon.
Realism: 13/15.
I can see all of this being plausible. Just the time lines and extent of the actions may be somewhat stretched.
Writing: 12/20.
The writing was smooth and easy to read. (I didn't see any technical errors, but of course I'm not a grammar Nazi.) However, it was just extremely short, and lack the description I hoped to see.
Theme: 10/10.
You fit within the theme well.
Overall: 5/10.
I liked it, or wanted to like it. However the rather bland use of moves and short paragraph it wasn't as enjoyable as I hoped it would be.


Sabi 72/85 [85%]
Spoiler:
Creativity/Originality: 24/25.
I have never thought about Hydreigon as a lily, and your creation of the monster and use of a dark beast to slay it is a very original and wonderfully creative idea. Fabulous job.
Realism: 13/15.
I can see and understand this happening but with anything very big it is harder to impart realism into it. I think you did a good job, but I do fail to wrap my brain around a few things.
Writing: 17/20.
Your writing was very detailed and descriptive and was able to picture it very nicely. However, I personally found some of your writing rather difficult to follow and in some areas a little confusing.
Theme: 10/10.
Your appeal and pokemon were cohesive with the theme given.
Overall: 8/10.


Typhlosion 43/85 [51%]
Spoiler:
Creativity/Originality: 16/25.
Truthfully, it was pretty creative. However, some of the smaller moves (like the fireworks thing) are pretty overused. Maybe next time focus more on pulling creativity for lesser moves instead of just a mass barrage of attacks. Some of the stuff would interest me and then you would just kill it and move on.
Realism: 7/15.
Audience, Stage, Contestant Room? Also, this was a ton of stuff that the pokemon had to exert its energy into, even though it could all have been done. Some of the moves you used weren't explained completely why they had the effect they did.
Writing: 10/20.
It was a longer post, but more because of everything you put in instead of description. I would have liked to know a lot more about the effects the attacks had and a bit more details instead of more moves. Your writing was also very blocky and choppy.
Theme: 6/10.
You fit the theme except for your replacement of the scene with a stage.
Overall: 4/10.
It just wasn't as impressive as it could have been. You had good points but failed to flush them out into something great.


Sammy 68/85 [80%]
Spoiler:
Creativity/Originality: 21/25.
I like that you took the time to create a personality for your pokemon and incorporate it into the writing. I have seen of things exploding into glitter before, but I think using the natural sand that Tyranitar carries was a smart way of going about that. Good job.
Realism: 13/15.
Sand does not always make glass, plus since Tyranitar is not necessarily a strong fiery pokemon whose fire would be that incredibly hot. But, the pokemon world is never that harsh and I could see it still happen.
Writing: 16/20.
Overall, I really like the writing. You gave very good description and the writing was very interesting and drew me in. I would have liked a little more, but I really like what you have and would not know
Theme: 10/10.
Overall: 8/10.
I really liked your appeal. It was descriptive, without dragging and a nice presentation and idea.


Socratic 73/85 [86%]
Spoiler:
Creativity/Originality: 22/25.
I liked how you incorporated a character and gave your presentation from the angle of an onlooker, it separated yours out a bit. I also felt that you used your moves well, but not in a completely surprising way, but incorporating the surroundings gave you points.
Realism: 14/15.
I can see this as completely plausible. Except I felt this slight undertone that you took it as more of a larger amount of people watching and there was a stage. Maybe its nothing, and maybe its because we didn't specify too much about the people. But I ramble.
Writing: 18/20.
Your writing was enough to describe it without dragging. It flowed well and provided good description of the scene.
Theme: 10/10.
Overall: 9/10.
I liked your appeal a lot, it was enjoyable to read.


5TDL 61/85 [72%]
Spoiler:
Creativity/Originality: 18/25.
You made glittering ice explode. Truthfully, I'm sure I've seen this in the show a couple of times, and have seen different versions of it. However, I can tell you tried to tweak it a little more to a theme, and you presented a rather mysterious character that made it interesting.
Realism: 9/15.
Okay well... first the stage. Also I doubt that Icy Wind, especially from a Honchkrow would freeze a swamp. Also you said that they ice crystals plummeted to the earth, then you have them floating and glimmering in the sky. Yeah.... Just some stuff I noticed.
Writing: 17/20.
I though your writing was good and performed the job well. It wasn't particularly interesting, but but wan't in any way a bad piece of work.
Theme: 10/10.
Overall: 7/10.


KB 59/85 [69%]
Spoiler:
Creativity/Originality: 13/25.
Really, it was rather bland. You used the moves without too much creativity. I mean watching them dance would be cool but, there really wasn't anything too dazzling.
Realism: 15/15.
What? A perfect score... That's because I have very little to deduct. Nothing was so spectacular that it made anything ridiculously unreal.
Writing: 16/20.
Nothing in particular was wrong with the writing. You used a good use of description to create a picture. However it felt very blocky.
Theme: 10/10.
Overall: 5/10.
It was just in general very lack-luster.


Velo 68/85 [80%]
Spoiler:
Creativity/Originality: 21/25.
Another thing involving using 'glitter' to enhance a pokemon. I think you did a good job of implementing your own spin by describing it in a specific case.
Realism: 13/15.
I am unsure of how one captures "violet wisps." But truthfully I don't see very many things
Writing: 17/20.
I enjoyed your appeal, it was easy to read and easy to understand (most of the time). Once I reread the sentences that confused me I got it though.
Theme: 10/10.
Overall: 7/10.
A good appeal. It described to me well the scene and action taking place.
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Last edited by Dino; 02-11-2013 at 04:38 AM.
  #14  
Old 02-10-2013, 10:46 PM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.

http://youtu.be/vB2RZYssmPk

Neku Sakuraba
http://youtu.be/ZnFLqLk6O4o
Scores
Creativity: 5/25
Realism: 15/15
Writing: 10/20
Theme: 0/10
Overall: 0/10
Final Score: 30/85 (35.2941176%)

Saraibre Ryu
http://youtu.be/4N4QPQ857fk
Scores
Creativity: 25/25
Realism: 10/15
Writing: 14/20
Theme: 10/10
Overall: 20/10
Final Score: 79/85 (92.941176471)

Typhlosion Explosion
http://youtu.be/BcKyDuQU6NQ
Scores
Creativity: 17/25
Realism: 7/15
Writing: 5/20
Theme: 1/10
Overall: 1/10
Final Score: 31/85 (36.4705882%)

sammy0925
http://youtu.be/mOipwbvSvzA
Scores
Creativity: 20/25
Realism: 10/15
Writing: 13/20
Theme: 1/10
Overall: 10/10
Final Score: 54/85 (63.529411765%)

Socratic Sarcasm
http://youtu.be/or0uElVgqrs
Scores
Creativity: 25/25
Realism: 12/15
Writing: 18/20
Theme: 6/10
Overall: 10/10
Final Score: 71/85 (83.529411765%)

5TailedDemonLizard
http://youtu.be/Ma4hjvA7E70
Scores
Creativity: 25/25
Realism: 15/15
Writing: 16/20
Theme: 10/10
Overall: 10/10
Final Score: 76/85 (89.4117647%)

KantoBreeder
http://youtu.be/IF5xAiSNhyI
Scores
Creativity: 20/25
Realism: 15/15
Writing: 14/20
Theme: 5/10
Overall: 7/10
Final Score: 61/85 (71.764705882)

Velocity
http://youtu.be/bOAZJp7gtd4
Scores
Creativity: 25/25
Realism: 12/15
Writing: 16/20
Theme: 6/10
Overall: 10/10
Final Score: 69/85 (81.176470588%)

Saraibre Ryu
5TailedDemonLizard
Socratic Sarcasm
Velocity
KantoBreeder
sammy0925
Typhlosion Explosion
Neku Sakuraba
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  #15  
Old 02-11-2013, 05:29 AM
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Default Re: [Mewtwo Invasion] Appeal thread.

These are the Averages. People in red will be advancing to the Battle Round. :D

Neku Sakuraba: 45/85.
Saraibre Ryu: 74/85.
Typhlosion Explosion: 37/85.
Sammy0925: 63/85.
Socratic Sarcasm: 71/85.
5TailedDemonLizard: 65/85.

Kanto Breeder: 63/85.
Velocity: 70/85.
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