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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 04-20-2004, 02:10 PM
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Default Shipwrecked: Ready for Grading

Alex had been shipwrecked. The Delphinus was caught in a horrendous storm and he’s been thrown overboard. He was now stuck on a remote island, the only landmark being a crescent shaped lump of rock, about 50m tall and impossible to climb.

His clothes were dirty and wreaked of salt. He wore only a pair of shorts and a (formerly) white t-shirt. He had no shoes, nor socks. His brown hair was soaked and swept across his face like the waves beside the island. His only other possession was his 8 pokéballs. 7 were full, but he had one empty.

His 7 pokémon were; Wasp the Beedrill, Rocky III the Geodude, Dćmonen the almighty Walrein, Fortress the Forretress, Zippy ht Raichu, Magma the Magmar and Gon the Flygon. He had not noticed any pokémon on the island apart from his own and a small family of what appeared to be Chikoritas.

One of the Chikoritas seemed permanently bored, like it wanted some adventure in life. He could give it that adventure. The particular one was different from the others, it had markings along its back, it must have been shipwrecked as well. Only ones from tropical jungles, 50 miles south of Kanto had markings such as those.

*To Be Continued*

Last edited by TDD91; 04-22-2004 at 10:51 AM.
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  #2  
Old 04-20-2004, 03:00 PM
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Default Re: Shipwrecked (75% finished)

He sat on the beach that night thinking. His fish was cooked nicely thanks to Magma’s flamethrower and the sticks that Rocky III, Zippy and Alex himself had found around the island. The fire glowed in 20 shades of red, amber and orange. He knew he needed a grass pokémon, and the Chikorita seemed bored. He decided he would ask it if it wanted to join him on his quest, to be the top pokémon trainer in the lands. He checked on his pokémon, lay down and drifted slowly into sleep.

He was woken then ext morning by Magma preparing a fire and Dćmonen jumping in the sea. He rolled over and looked toward the sky. It was around 10am and the sun was nowhere to be seen, black clouds filled the sky and he could tell it was about to rain. He frantically looked around for shelter. There was none but the cave in which the Chikoritas lived.
“Everyone in the cave! Quick!!” he shouted. Everyone except Dćmonen scrambled in, he was perfectly happy in the rain.

They weren’t exactly pleased to see him, they didn’t like strange creatures such as Alex and the lone Chikorita. A couple tried to use Vine Whip on him but the elder, a Meganium stepped forward and conversed with Flygon. Then the Meganium turned and told the Chikoritas of the situation. The 2 Chikoritas stepped forward and shook vines with Alex, as an apology. Alex looked over to the lone Chikorita who seemed happy that they could stay but quickly turned around, realising Alex had seen it. He smiled.

*To Be Continued*
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  #3  
Old 04-22-2004, 10:50 AM
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Default Re: Shipwrecked (75% finished)

That evening Alex was eating his dinner by the sea with his pokémon when the lone Chikorita came over to him and gave him a tackle attack, knocking him into Dćmonen. Alex wasnt angry at all, in fact he was smiling.

"Dćmonen! Use Body Slam on Chikorita!" The large Walrus leapt towards Chikorita as though it were a Pikachu and juust missed, Chikorita countered with a Vine Whip to the tusk and yanked hard, slamming Dćmonen's head into a rock on the floor.
"Come on Dćmonen! Jump into the sea!" Dćmonen headed for the sea but Chikorita caught its tusk again with Vine Whip and pulled it back.
"Thats one tough Chikorita..... Dćmonen Aurora Beam!" The Walrus span its head around, throwing Chikorita into the air and blasting it head on with a rainbow coloured beam of pure ice. He then jerked his head down, slamming Chikorita to the floor in what looked to be a Walrein's equivalent to a piledriver. The ice shattered and Chikorita just lay there, almost unconcious frtom the slam.

"Lets finish this, use Body Slam!!" Dćmonen leapt about 20ft into the air and landed on Chikorita, crushing it like an ant under an Adult's foot. Alex threw his only Pokéball at the Chikorita.
"Pokéball Go..."

Last edited by TDD91; 04-22-2004 at 11:28 AM.
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  #4  
Old 04-22-2004, 11:11 AM
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Default Re: Shipwrecked: Ready for Grading

*brushes dust off "How To Grade like a Leprachaun".*
Woah, it's been a loooong time since I graded something.

Story: Right, so you were shipwrecked and was stuck on this random island, and you enter a cave and talk to some plant bunnies. One tackles you and you are angry, so you give it two attacks to catch it. In the first place, wouldn't you try more ways to find a way out of this island first? And don't you feel guilty because you are going to catch a Chikorita which has a friendly family you just met? Try to bring real-life emotions into the story.

Grammar: flamethrower = Flamethrower. Capitalize the first letter of attacks, Pokemon and stuff like Pokeballs and Pokemon Center. For the rest of the stuff, if you read through carefully, you'll notice some mistakes. Correct and read through until you think there is really no mistakes.

Details: You need more. Instead of "He smiled.", "He smiled sweetly, thoughts still wandering about in his mind.". My suggestion might not be suitable, but I'm just saying, you should use more adverbs and adjectives. Go into in-depth descriptions. If the grader can clearly picture the image of the story in his mind, your story will most likely be a sucess. Of course, details isn't all that counts.

Reality: Why are Chikoritas living in caves, in the first place? Other than that, you're pretty fine at this section.

Battle: Two attacks won't work. Don't always let yourself have the advantage, Chikoritas mostly have bad temper(like in the anime) and are pretty agile. Just because you're super effective on it, doesn't mean you'll necessarily win. Don't forget, you're slow and is weak to it too. And also try to describe the battle scenes more. Don't just describe attacks and speeches, try describing how attacks WORKED. Like(Just an example, I'm not bothered to read the battle part of your story again), "Walrein fired out icy balls from its large mouth. Chikorita hopped up in the air, dodging the icy balls agilely. The ice balls crashed into stones, and exploded. Chikorita was not prepared to see the ice balls explode, thus, being thrown onto a hard rock by the force. It tried to stand up, but its back was injured. Walrein took the chance to...". That's just an example.

Results: Chikorita not captured!

Try harder, I'm sure you'll suceed.
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