*brushes dust off "How To Grade like a Leprachaun".*
Woah, it's been a loooong time since I graded something.
: Right, so you were shipwrecked and was stuck on this random island, and you enter a cave and talk to some plant bunnies. One tackles you and you are angry, so you give it two attacks to catch it. In the first place, wouldn't you try more ways to find a way out of this island first? And don't you feel guilty because you are going to catch a Chikorita which has a friendly family you just met? Try to bring real-life emotions into the story.
: flamethrower = Flamethrower
. Capitalize the first letter of attacks, Pokemon and stuff like Pokeballs and Pokemon Center. For the rest of the stuff, if you read through carefully, you'll notice some mistakes. Correct and read through until you think there is really no mistakes.
: You need more. Instead of "He smiled.", "He smiled sweetly, thoughts still wandering about in his mind.". My suggestion might not be suitable, but I'm just saying, you should use more adverbs and adjectives. Go into in-depth descriptions. If the grader can clearly picture the image of the story in his mind, your story will most likely be a sucess. Of course, details isn't all that counts.
: Why are Chikoritas living in caves, in the first place? Other than that, you're pretty fine at this section.
: Two attacks won't work. Don't always let yourself have the advantage, Chikoritas mostly have bad temper(like in the anime) and are pretty agile. Just because you're super effective on it, doesn't mean you'll necessarily win. Don't forget, you're slow and is weak to it too. And also try to describe the battle scenes more. Don't just describe attacks and speeches, try describing how attacks WORKED. Like(Just an example, I'm not bothered to read the battle part of your story again), "Walrein fired out icy balls from its large mouth. Chikorita hopped up in the air, dodging the icy balls agilely. The ice balls crashed into stones, and exploded. Chikorita was not prepared to see the ice balls explode, thus, being thrown onto a hard rock by the force. It tried to stand up, but its back was injured. Walrein took the chance to...". That's just an example.
: Chikorita not captured!
Try harder, I'm sure you'll suceed.