Out of the Darkness.....into the Light! A story by Celebimaster506!!

[Celebimaster506]

CHAPTER 1: Celeron Creek


Celibi swoops down into the creek, holding its breath. A powerful light emerges from the bush, and tries to find Celebi. No one had ever seen this pokemon, execpt, from the pokemon them selves. It did'nt make a sound,so no pokemon knew what to call it. The light was upset with Celebi not coming out of the water, so he used a Hyper beam at the trees, and it started on fire. Celebithen emerged from the water and used a Rasor Leaf, and destroyed the light. Then Celebi used its power to make vines come out of the ground. But these vines were not made of grass. They were made of water. They hit the flames quickly, dowsing them. And then Celebi ran away, to its Master..........

[akamaru]

Wow, that was......short. You got to make them longer, other than that it's a good idea.

[Celebimaster506]

Originally Posted by akamaru

Wow, that was......short. You got to make them longer, other than that it's a good idea.

Its not over yet!!!!! That was just chapter 1!!!!!!!!

[akamaru]

I'm not saying it's over but that was only like a paragraph.

[Celebimaster506]

Chapter 2: Welcome to.......Dean World?

Far, far away from were the forest that Celebi was.......

"Man, I can't wait" says Ash Ketchem, a pokemon trainer. "Neither can I!!" says Brock, one of Ash's freinds. "I wonder what Pokemon Land's going to be like." No one noticed, that lurking behind them was to soon be one of Ash's most formidible advisery's, Dean Steely. Deab had Silver hair, and a gray and black suit. An looked as he was about 40. "So, you wish to go to Pokemon Land?" said Dean. The group jumped. "Who....are...you?" said May, who was blushing, because she liked Dean. "I, am Dean Steely, Leader of the team known as Team Neuron." "Get away from me you!!!" said Ash. Pichachu, Thundersh...." "Wait!" cried Dean. "I am not like the Rockets, Magma, and Aqua! My team is tring to stop them!" "What!?"said Ash, Brock, and May together. "Come to my house." said Dean. "You would like it, my team members would be very pleased to meet you." Then Dean took out an Ultra Ball. "Come on out Rayquaza!!!" The poke ball opened up, and there was Rayquaza, standing there. The group looked shocked. "Come on, get on." said Dean. The group got on, and so did Dean. "Okay, Rayquaza, Teleport Fly!!!!" Second's later, Ash, May, and Brock, saw that they were not in the forest any longer. They were at a huge compound, and on a sign it said, DEAN WORLD, BASE OF TEAM NEURON. "Well, I hope you like it as he returnd Rayquaza to its ball, and lead them in. Behind Dean's hearing area Ash said, "Man, he just seems like he's up to somting. Be on your toes."

[Espeon Rinage]

Originally Posted by Celebimaster506

MY FIRST PART

Looking good sofar i hope you carry the work on

[Celebimaster506]

Thank you!!! I'll post more on April, 4th, or 6th.

[Celebimaster506]

Oh, and one more thing, Chapter 1, and Chapter 2, I decided to change into one whole Chapter, so its long.

[Celebimaster506]

Chapter 2: Steely and the Capture

Dean led the group into a huge room, which had the appearance of a high security, test lab. “Now..” said Dean as he began to lead Ash, May, Brock, and Pichachu, to a steel table, that had many vial’s of poisons and substances, that the group did no of. “These are poisons, each one unique, and deadly” said Dean as he pointed to the vial’s. “We have been trying to get these poisons to be able to track pokemon. In each poison, there is a little microchip, called a nanobot, that will grasp to any thing, until it is caught, or killed.” The team gasped. “It..won’t hurt the pokemon, right?” said May. “Of course not” said Dean brushing his long silver hair with his fingers. “It is just a tingling sensation, but the only way to get the microchip on is by this sprayer.” He went over to another table, picked up a sprayer, which looked more like a pistol, and brought it over to speechless group. “This spryer is a powerful little monster” Dean explained. “It has the poison in the barrel, where a gun usually, holds bullets. It then uses compressed air, or c02, to fire the poison at the pokemon, allowing us to track it, now matter where it is.” “So its kind of like the old saying, you can run but can’t hide?” said Brock. “Exactly” said Dean now placing the vile and spryer down on the table. Dean checked his watch. “Well, would you like to see how the spryer works?” “Okay” said Ash. Dean lead them into a room, that looked very white, and had blazing white light in it, and in the center of the room was a Catterpie. “Just a second” said Dean as he left the room. “Seems a little wired, doesn’t it” said Brock. “I mean, it just seems strange that he’s showing us this” “I think he might be after a pokemon” said May. “And he might be wanting to show this to us for…for..for..” May couldn’t complete her sentence. She started to cry. “What’s wrong May?” asked Ash, in a concerning tone. “Were so stupid” cried May. “What are you talking about?” asked Brock. “Don’t you see?” cried May. “He has shown us this because of a reason. He’s going to take us hostage, and then, he’s going to make us catch that pokemon for..” “Me” said Dean. The group looked around and saw that Dean was there, accompanied by two guards. “Get them!!!” yelled Dean. The guards grabbed the group and tied them up. “Put them into the cellar, until I have found use of them!!” the guards immediately did what they were told. The guards brought the group through numerous hallways, and finally found a basement floor. They were thrown into the cellar, and the guards locked the door behind themselves. “I’m just glad, Max stayed at home!” said May.
The group after a while, began to walk around, with there hands still tied around there backs. Brock saw, some crystals with the letter C on them, while May found some crystals that had a question mark on them. But the most remarkable thing of all Ash found. It was a glowing scroll that looked blue. It was up on a shelf, and, with his hand tied, there was no way to get to it. Then Ash had an idea. He ordered Pichachu to zap the bookshelves hinges, holding it to the wall. “PIICCHHAACHHHUUUUU!!!” yelled Pichachu, as he electrocuted the hinges. The hinges broke, and the bookshelf fell on the ground with a clatter, and then the shelve broke into pieces. The glowing scroll rolled away, and Ash ordered Pichachu to get it. Pichachu went to grab the scroll, but there seemed to be an invisible force field around the scroll, not letting anyone to touch it. Then, a voice was heard. “Of what we are we can not say, but only to those who live in the day. The order of what we are, is the only hint that exists so far.” What?” said the group together, as they wondered what said that. Then the force field was lifted, and then Pichachu, grabbed the scroll, and brought it to Ash, May, and Brock. They began to read.

[Celebimaster506]

Chapter 3, will be out next sunday, or on April, 4th, or 6th. Please read The true chapter 2 above. Thank you!!! The Last Hope Chapter 1, my second story I am working on, will be relesed, tommorow, or the next day. Thank you.

[Pokemon Trainer Sarah]

Nice idea, but you really need to work on your spelling and grammar. You should always use a program like Microsoft Word to type up your stories so that you can use the spellcheck. There are many, many mistakes in this.

Also, every time a new person talks, or you start a new idea, you need to start a new paragaph. Chapter Two had no paragraphs and this made it very hard to read. For example:

“We have been trying to get these poisons to be able to track Pokemon. In each poison, there is a little microchip, called a nanobot, that will grasp to any thing, until it is caught, or killed,”

The team gasped.

“It..won’t hurt the Pokemon, right?” said May.

“Of course not,” said Dean, brushing his long silver hair with his fingers. “It is just a tingling sensation, but the only way to get the microchip on is by this sprayer,” He went over to another table, picked up a sprayer, which looked more like a pistol, and brought it over to speechless group.

Also, make sure you capitalize the word "Pokemon" and spell Pikachu correctly.

Good luck.

Oh, and one more thing. You're not allowed to post two times (or more) in a row, unless you are posting a new chapter. Otherwise you must use the "edit" button to add things to your previous post.

[Celebimaster506]

Sorry, and thank you!!!

[Celebimaster506]

CHAPTER 3: The Order of the ???


By the order of the most evil team of Neuron, this document certifies that the last pokemon to be created by man, Dean Melocrov, Steely, has been able to defeat any pokemon, worldwide. This special pokemon will be now known, and forever known as ???.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Brock. “I don’t know,” said Ash. “And what’s a, whatever it is?” asked May. There was a latch being lifted at the door. “Quick, hide it!” whispered May. Brock kicked the scroll under a vase, and then, saw the door move. Dean Steely, and his guards, had come to get them, for the pokemon hunting expedition. “Come hear, all off you,” said Dean. The group came to Dean, and the guards removed the rope tying their hands together. Dean’s guards, after untying the group, gave them the sprayers. Then Dean sprayed the poison on Brock, May, and Ash. “This is so you can’t get away from my eyesight,” said Dean with pride and joy in his face. The guards, and Dean, led the group outside the building of Dean World, and called on his Rayquaza, again. “Go Rayquaza!” A light appeared, and then again, was there Rayquaza. Every one got on Rayquaza, and then Dean said, “Teleport Fly!” Rayquaza started to teleport, and within moments, they were in a forest.

~~~

The forest was lush and green, all around. Many unique berries were here, such as Cherri, and Oran, and many other countless objects that you would never usually find in a forest, unless however, a Celebi was in it. And speaking of which, that’s the exact pokemon that Dean Steely was after. He was going to spray the poison on Celebi, and would be able to track it forever, or until Celebi was dead, or had been caught. Dean had told the team all this, and more, such as, “And if you don’t help me, I will kill you.” Alas, the group had been captured, and now had to catch a Celebi, for a bad man. The group searched high and low, and finally came to a creek. And sitting right there was a Celebi eating berries. Then, a nasally voice was heard. “Do you like the berries Celeron?” “Bi, bi, bi, bi-bi!” cried Celebi, whose name was Celeron, in joy. “Hehehe!” laughed the boy! “We can’t take a Celebi that’s already been caught!” whispered May to Dean. “But we can track it,” said Dean as he pulled out his sprayer. He pointed it at Celebi. “One, two, thr…” “NO!” cried ash as he grabbed the sprayer, and broke it in two. “Huh?” said Celeron’s master. He began to watch. “YOU!!!” Dean yelled. He became mixed with rage, which showed it in his face. Then the rage was gone, and his hair turned blonde, and he started forming balls of light in his hands. He threw one at May, but it missed. Then he threw one at Ash. Ash tried to evade the attack, but he tripped over his shoelaces, and fell. Just as the Hyper Beam ball was about to hit him, Brock jumped in front of Ash, and the ball of light hit Brock. Brock fell to the side. And he said to Ash, “Don’t let him catch…. Celero….n” Then Brock died. The Celebi boy saw this, and ran away with Celeron. Dean’s hair turned silver again, and then there was silence. Absolute silence. The guards took May, and Ash, and tied there hands together, and led them back to Rayquaza. All of them got on Rayquaza again, and Dean teleported them back to Dean World. “Bring them back to the cellar!!” yelled Dean. The guards brought them to the cellar, and locked the door on them again. First it was four in the group. Then it was three. And now, it is two.
“I can’t believe Brock’s dead,” sobbed May. “Neither can I,” said Ash, as he looked through the window. Brock had died for Ash, and Ash would never forget that. Ash, and May knew they were going to die at the hands of a tyrant. But there was something watching them through the window. Ash and May thought it was a guard dog, not realizing whom it was. Ash, and May knew they were going to die at the hands of a tyrant. Or were they?

[Deathspector]

Yes. This is a rather interesting idea, and unlike many other stories, it has an original plot, and is quite intruiging(sp?). However, there are a few things that need to be carefully looked at, and if these small things are taken care of, this could soon turn inot a very good fanfiction. First of all...

As Pokémon Trainer Sarah said, it makes it much easier to read, and enjoy if you make a new paragraph for every time someone speaks, or a new idea is introduced. You do this by pressing the "Enter Key" Two times, before continuing to type. Let me give you an example, which has nothing to do with your fanfiction. Tell me which is easier to read.

Example One

"Where have you been, Amy?" asked Amy's mother crossly."I was only playing at the park with my friends," she replied shamefacedly. She looked down at her feet, and bowed to her mother. "I'm sorry""But honey, you had me so worried" replied Amy's mother, pulling her into a big hug

Example Two

"Where have you been, Amy?" asked Amy's mother, crossly.

"I was only playing at the park with my friends," she replied shamefacedly. She looked down at her feet and bowed to her mother. "I'm sorry."

"But honey, you had me so worried," replied Amy's mother, pulling her into a big hug.

Also, with the word Pokémon, keep the "P" capital, and only if you want to, use the Alt + 130 to get the "é". However, it is not compulsary to do this. Again, with any reated Pokémon related item, keep the first letter capital, such as names of Pokémon, items like Potion, of Full Heal, Berries, Poké-balls, and so on.

Also, when you describe people, try to do it in an interesting fashion, that doesn't keep the reader bored. No offense, or anything.

Your description of Dean Steely

Deab had Silver hair, and a gray and black suit. An looked as he was about 40

Refreshed version

Dean had two piercing eyes that captivated Ash, May and Brock with a calculating glare. His slivery hair fell infront of his face, obscuring Ash's vision of his complete face, only leaving those eyes, and the left cheek.

His skin was pale and white, as if bleached from being indoors too often, witout much exposure to the sunlight. He was clad in a black and grey suit, which enhanced Ash's feeling that he was a business man.

His skin was slightly wrinkled, and he was going bald in the centre of his head, so Ash guessed that he was about forty-years-old, give or take a couple. However, he had no idea of his real age, for his hair was already silver, and grey hairs would not be all that prominent.

Description is the key aspect of all writting, and without it, writting is dull and boring. Try to use similies, metaphors, interesting adjectives, certain cleverly used clichès and above all imagination. When describing, however, do not go off into a line of adjectives with a monotonous aura around them, but try to mingle with the story.

Also, when Brock died, I found it rather abrupt. Perhaps you could have said how Ash could see the pain etcched in every line of Brock's face, and how Ash cried for the first time in years, losing his best friend. Also about how the ding request of Brock never left Ash's mind, and how he would fulfin it at all costs.

Also, try to make each Chapter at least a page or more's worth before posting it. I save my work on Microsoft Word, which corrects both spelling and grammar mistakes, and can hold unlimited writting as long as your hard disk doesn't freeze.

Hope this helps

DS

[Celebimaster506]

Thank you for the advice Deathspector! I will try harder. The final chapter's will be on the fourm on April, 4th, 5th, or 6th. Thank you agan Deathspector!


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