Thanks for waiting, Ataro. ;)
This was pretty good actually. It was a bit rough and choppy in some parts, but not enough to cause any major problems. I was a little confused with part about Giovanni. Try to slow down, and explain things more when you write. It’s hard to get the whole visual thing when you jump from scene to scene so abruptly. Overall, you did a nice job here, but remember that a more complex plot is needed past the simple category.
Again, you pulled this off nicely. Everything was correctly capitalized, and there were very few grammatical mistakes. The only major problem I noticed was that you had a little trouble with tense. If you start using past tense, continue that through the whole story.
There was a river near by, while I walk over, the water so clear that I can see my reflection clearly.
This is just one example, but there were a few more. Always use the same tense, especially in the same sentence.
There was a river near by. I walked over and saw that the water was so clear, that I could see my reflection clearly.
I changed it a tad so it would work well with the tense change.
Tears was flowing uncontrollably out of my eyes...
"Tears" is plural, so you’d follow it up with "were
" instead of "was".
That was pretty much it. You did very well in this category.
Just long enough.
Interesting. I’ve never read a story where the character
battles the Pokemon as opposed to a mon vs. mon battle. It was different, and in this case, that’s a good thing. You filled the fight with a lot of description and made it the perfect length. I really liked it; well done. :)
You did a pretty nice job with this. Tentacool captured!
You could use some work on your tense, but other than that you’re fine. Keep up the good work. <3
EDIT: No problem. :) And don't worry, you'll get it eventually. Just don't give up.