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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #16  
Old 03-14-2007, 12:10 PM
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Default Re: ~*PokemonCaptor*~

Since no graders were free to grade this story.

I might as well get some attention as some may not notice.

Chapter 9 up, it's the capture chapter.

Pokemon To Capture: Tentacool

I had no ''real'' battle for this little creature, but my next story will be a long one, most probably featuring 3 captures all at once, + its the starter mons of Hoenn. Hope I be able to catch it. The story will be explained as it goes further, since its rather confusing now.
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Last edited by Ataro; 03-14-2007 at 12:20 PM.
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  #17  
Old 03-16-2007, 09:01 AM
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Default Re: ~*PokemonCaptor*~

Thanks for waiting, Ataro. ;)

Story/Plot: This was pretty good actually. It was a bit rough and choppy in some parts, but not enough to cause any major problems. I was a little confused with part about Giovanni. Try to slow down, and explain things more when you write. It’s hard to get the whole visual thing when you jump from scene to scene so abruptly. Overall, you did a nice job here, but remember that a more complex plot is needed past the simple category.

Grammar/Spelling: Again, you pulled this off nicely. Everything was correctly capitalized, and there were very few grammatical mistakes. The only major problem I noticed was that you had a little trouble with tense. If you start using past tense, continue that through the whole story.

Quote:
There was a river near by, while I walk over, the water so clear that I can see my reflection clearly.
This is just one example, but there were a few more. Always use the same tense, especially in the same sentence.

There was a river near by. I walked over and saw that the water was so clear, that I could see my reflection clearly.


I changed it a tad so it would work well with the tense change.

Quote:
Tears was flowing uncontrollably out of my eyes...
"Tears" is plural, so you’d follow it up with "were" instead of "was".

That was pretty much it. You did very well in this category.

Length: Just long enough.

Battle: Interesting. I’ve never read a story where the character battles the Pokemon as opposed to a mon vs. mon battle. It was different, and in this case, that’s a good thing. You filled the fight with a lot of description and made it the perfect length. I really liked it; well done. :)

Outcome: You did a pretty nice job with this. Tentacool captured! You could use some work on your tense, but other than that you’re fine. Keep up the good work. <3


EDIT: No problem. :) And don't worry, you'll get it eventually. Just don't give up.
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Last edited by EmBreon; 03-16-2007 at 09:15 AM.
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  #18  
Old 03-16-2007, 09:06 AM
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Default Re: ~*PokemonCaptor*~

Thanks for grading once again!

Yeah, I always have a problem with tenses, it has been a problem for my entire life of 14 years. I have revised and revised, not to mention going into websites, bbut I just can't put those in my head. Will keep on trying though. And oh boy! I pity myself, being poisoned by a jelly-fish!
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