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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 03-21-2007, 02:29 AM
Jaglan's Avatar
Jaglan Offline
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Default Meditite Madness

One terribly bright and joyous morning, I rose early to greet the day. Well, I actually fell out of bed, and on top of one of my schoolbooks. After that, I stumbled into the bathroom to get ready. Random, incoherent thoughts filled my head like some Butterfree in a field of flowers. My long brown hair was a mess, as usual, and I had a milk mustache from the previous day. I was the only girl in school who didn’t care too much about appearance. I lived in Mauville, the dullest place in Hoenn. I didn’t have to look nice for any reason, really. I was just a normal, 13 year old who was about to become a Pokémon trainer, though I had forgotten about it.

After washing up, I stumbled downstairs, where I proceeded to eat about half a box of cereal. I saw my little brother, Jaycee, asleep with his head in a cereal bowl. I rolled my eyes and scooted m chair away. I was washing my cereal bowl when mom bounced ecstatically into the room.

“Remember, honey, today’s the day!” Mom said in a way-too-cheerful voice.

“Uh…which day? I know it’s Saturday, if that’s what you mean.” I muttered.

“Today your grandfather’s giving you a Pokémon, so you can become a trainer!” She replied as she tried to rouse Jaycee.

“Oh, right. Cool!” I replied as I put the cereal bowl away.

I dressed, stuffed my backpack, and walked out the door. The bright sun blinded me, but not as much as the cheesy billboard sign saying,’ Welcome to Mauville!’ I dragged myself in the general direction of grandfather’s house: west, through a quaint little area with some nice trees.

My granddad was a Pokemon breeder, so it was only natural I was also Pokémon-crazy. He had tons of Pokemon, so I had no idea what I’d get. As I walked through the slightly forested area, Swablu and Tailow chirped loudly, along with Wurmple rustling in the leaves. As I got closer, a flaming scarlet Combusken jumped out of nowhere.

“Combu! Ken-ken!” It roared, claws at the ready and embers flying from its tail feathers.

“Silly Flint, it’s me!” I replied as it recognized me.

It relaxed and went on its way. Flint was a Combusken my granddad had trained to guard his house. It was a bit too protective if you ask me. I laughed as I walked up to a tiny cottage with a large number of Pokémon surrounding it.

“Grandfather, you there?” I yelled.

“Coming, coming!” yelled a tiny old man as he rushed towards me, jumping over a Silcoon in the process. “Oh, hi! I was expecting you!” He remarked as he saw my face. Today, grandpa was wearing a retina-damaging, neon-green shirt. I quickly averted my eyes. “Sorry, the Scyther made me wear it. He beat me at poker, so….”

“So, I hear you have a Pokemon for me?” I asked.

“Yup. Here it is!” He exclaimed as he held out a tiny red ball. “Open it!”

I tossed the Pokéball, and a red beam appeared, and then faded, revealing a small, blue and grey creature. It had curls on the sided of a helmet-shaped lump on its head. “Meddi-medda-meddi,” it chanted as it sat cross-legged. It seemed to be meditating. A Meditite! Yes! I thought as the creature noticed me.

“Hi, I’m going to be your trainer. You can call me Jag,” I said as it saw me.

“Ti. Med-di-di?” It asked, its clear, blue eyes narrowed to slits.

“No, I’m nice. I pulled a forgotten piece of trail mix from my pocket and gave it to the Meditite, who sniffed it before devouring it. The Meditite smiled at me, and I had a feeling we would get along well.

After a while, Meditite and I went off for a while. Grandpa had informed me that it was a she, and a decent battler. After a nice, if dull walk, we arrived at a small pond filled with Lotad and Goldeen floating about. After talking with Meditite a bit, I sat by the pond and looked at the Pokemon, while Meditite exercised by running laps around the pond. It got boring rather quickly, so I dozed off under a pine tree for about an hour. When I woke up, she was still running. I made the mistake of skipping a stone on the water. The stone landed on top of a rather large Lotad. Seconds later, it jumped out, bug-eyed.

“L-l-lo-tad!” It yelled as a blue beam burst from its leaf and hit Meditite, draining her energy.

“Err…Hi Jump Kick, Medi!” I yelled as Meditite glared at the Lotad, the curls on her head quivering.

She jumped into the air with one leg aimed at the Lotad. A second later, Lotad was on the ground, looking rather displeased with the situation. Steam was billowing out from its leaf out of anger. Meditite tried to doge it, but the Lotad managed to leech even more energy from Meditite.

“Reversal!” I yelled, trembling.

Meditite’s arms lashed out to hit the Lotad, causing it to do a back flip. It caught Meditite by surprise, and sucked some more energy with another light blue beam. She gasped and struggled to her feet.

“Try using Bide,” I suggested as she shot the Lotad another dirty look.

She sat cross-legged and started glowing crimson. “Me-me-di-di,” she chanted. Lotad’s leaf swelled, then deflated as it shot mist into the air, making it harder for Meditite to see. It tried to leech some more of her energy, but it barely hit Meditite. Meditite glowed even redder. Seconds later, a huge wave of energy washed over the Lotad, knocking it into the pond. Meditite sat, panting as sweat poured down her pale grey face. She closed her eyes as she meditated to restore energy.

I grabbed a pokéball from my pocket and I threw it at the Lotad. A red beam of light enveloped it, and I crossed my fingers. I noticed there were three Goldeen, six Lotad, and a Wurmple watching, all quite happy they weren’t the Lotad. I felt even more nervous, a feat I had thought impossible until then.

The ball wriggled as the Lotad inside struggled....

Ready for Grading
(I apologize for such short paragraphs. They looked bigger in Word...)
Words: 1,044
Characters(without spaces): 4,616
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Old 03-21-2007, 11:48 PM
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Seawolf Offline
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Default Re: Meditite Madness

Welcome to the URPG, I'll be your grader this evening. :)

Story: It's similar to most first stories in that it has the same plot. Your character gets their Pokemon, then goes out and finds another one to capture, which has been done time and time again. However, this was pretty well written, and there was something about it that stuck out from typical stories. It might be your writing or the way you pay attention to your characters, but whatever it is, keep doing it. My only advice here would to use more original plot devices in the future, since something as simple as this wouldn't work for something beyond the Complex to Medium level of Pokemon we have listed here. Otherwise, give yourself a pat on the back for being able to write a decent first story.

Spelling/Grammar: No major errors here. MS Word works wonders, as we all know - I think you should spell out numbers next time, though.

Length: It almost seems a bit short, but it's good for a Lotad.

Detail/Description: Adequate for what you are capturing and far from dull, but you were missing minor details that I thought could have improved the story. You say your character takes out a cereal box at the beginning, but what kind of cereal was it? Small details like that may seem insignificant, but they can really help.

As for your characters, you sometimes tell what color hair they have, but nothing more. It's really important that we know what the main players of stories look like, and hair alone is a start, but it is still lacking. I think the only detail I know of your character is that she has messy brown hair, but that's about it. She could have green skin and gills, as you didn't even specify her skin tone.

What you have is good, basically, but I also felt there could have been more. This is something to keep in mind if you ever go for anything rarer than something basic. Details are one of the key elements needed for a story, and you're doing well so far. To fully absorb our attention, though, you need to provide us with descriptions of what just about everything looks like. Describe hair, eyes, skin, clothes, Pokemon, trees, and so forth.

Battle: Also a bit on the skimpy side, but it works. It was fair, a decent amount of attacks were used, and the descriptions weren't bad. I'm assuming the attack that drained Meditite's energy was a Mega or Giga Drain? Someone who is not very familiar with attacks might not know what was used, so beware. This will also need to be longer and more detailed in the future.

Outcome: Lotad Captured! - Yay.
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