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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 01-31-2008, 08:25 PM
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Default Mother

Cubone ~ 10-20k
Characters ~ 7,758

Chapter Uno

---
"Bubblebeam!" came the call of the vulgar child across the dusty plain. Prinplup's beak gaped wide open, forcing a jet of bubbles right at me. Shoving my club into the ground and polevaulting through the air, I was barely able to avoid the streaming spray by the skin of my teeth. Landing firmly on the ground, dust whirling at my feet, I shot a glare at the insanely large penguin before me. His stern look softened into a more sympathetic one.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, "but those are his orders." He quickly glanced at his master, forever bound to his command. I sighed heavily, and realised that it wasn't Prinplup's fault. Humans weren't welcome around these parts, and this was the reason why.

They enslaved Pokemon.

Just that one thought alone was enough for me to go all out against my opponent to deter the child from capturing me. Leaping forward with my head pointed directly at Prinplup's stomach, I braced myself for the impact as my skull hadn't fully developed yet. The Headbutt attack hit my target dead on, not sparing him any time to dodge or counter attack. An almighty thud was heard, and I flinched from the colission more than my enemy did. I fell back to the ground, my head spinning slightly.

"Woah..." I spoke softly, dropping my club from being dazed. I clutched my head with my empty hand that was grasping the bone, dropping to me knees to prevent myself from falling over. Prinplup had been forced backward slightly by the blow, giving me a bit more of a chance to recover. Lifting my head, squinting from the vast sunlight, I could make out the penguin waddling towards me slowly. I wasn't ready for this. Not yet.

"Wait..." I whispered weakly, edging my arm towards the club, hoping he wouldn't notice. The boy whom I'd forgotten about glared at me, and watched the bone I was reaching for.

"Don't let him get that Bone Club!" he screamed at Prinplup. The moment those words left his mouth I leapt from the ground and dove at my beloved club. Prinplup gave a sassy sigh, and simply opened his mouth again. I doubled back on myself and stumbled, prepared for a Bubblebeam to be shot at me. Instead, he breathed softly, the battle field slowly fogging up. My bone club faded from sight, and the same thing happened to my hope. I couldn't do very much without it, and it was my lucky charm. The Mist was blurring my vision, but my foe seemed fine with it. It didn't really bother him, not as much as I thought it would anyway. He raised his left flipper, hardening and glowing a faint grey.

"Why don't you just stop?" I called out into the distance, unsure of his location. The only thing I had to go on was the shine of the Metal Claw he was charging up, and even that wasn't very clear. Also unclear was this Pokemon's motives. If his master was so cruel to him, why didn't he just leave? I pulled my fist back, starting to crackle with electricity passing through it. If any Pokemon that wasn't an Electric Type attempted a Thunderpunch like I was, they'd most likely get shocked themselves. But since Mother taught me how to control it and embrace my Ground element, I've become a lot better with it.

"I can't..." came a sobbing reply through the fog. Prinplup slowly emerged, lowering his flipper to his side. His eyes welled up with tears, and I uncoiled my fist, the crackling steadily slowing. The pair of us stood there exchanging eye contact for several moments, the child's tantrums in the distance not disturbing our moment of connection. Without warning, the towering penguin lunged forth, jumping several meters at a time. His Agility didn't take long to reach me, and I could hardly even keep my eyes on him, what with the Mist too. From the speed he was moving there was a small gust stirring, so the Mist began to lift. I gave a sigh of relief as the fog around me melted away, but it drew my attention away from the darting Pokemon about to smash me over the head. He released his Metal Claw that I thought he'd let go of, but I was wrong. A fatal misjudgement.

"Wha-" I spluttered, his wing crushing my hard skull. It scraped and scratched with a screeching noise, the bone on my head beginning to split. All I could do was scream and beg for him to stop, hoping that I could appeal to his better nature. But still he continued to swing his arm back and forward in a sawing motion, the gash widening with every movement. "Stop..." I mumbled almost silently. Using the last bit of strength I had in me, I let my jaw down and started muttering strange words. They turned into more tuneful versions of themselves, before finally forming the Perish Song I needed. Every beat of the sorrowful music slowed the pace of my heart, but it had a worse effect on Prinplup. He ceased sawing, much to my joy. But I couldn't celebrate just yet; my heartbeat was slowly declining, and he was still towering over me.

The song sunddenly stopped, leaving everything in a deathly silence. I only just managed to tilt my head upwards, blood beginning to trickle from my wound. I caught a glimpse of him raising his flipper again, steadying his claw ready to shatter my skull completely. Shutting my eyes, I prepared for the splitting noise that would come after, my brains spilling out across the field, and the boy would casually stroll away cackling to himself. But instead of an almighty crack, all I heard was a swooshing sound that was like a boomerang slicing through the bitter air. When I opened my eyes out of curiosity, the most amazing figure stood above me. Its head was covered in pure white ivory, and it held an arm up in the air expectantly. The stripes on its belly looked like a tiger, but the whole situation wasn't amusing.

"Release my boy!" it roared, the leaves and shrubbery around folding back from the sheer power of her voice. Prinplup flinched backwards, her Bonemerang landing neatly in her hand. The source of the swoosh, no doubt.

"On what grounds, Ma'am?" the penguin questioned her bravely. I could tell he was nervous; there was sweat rolling down his plump, oily cheek. He puffed up his chest and stuck it out, as this was typical behaviour for a penguin. Even if he tried to be, he didn't look any less intimidated than before. Bending his knees, he was getting ready to leap again if the need arose.

"He has done you no harm," she replied calmly but firmly. Her stare was hot and steamy; enough to melt a glacier that Prinplup came from. "If you do not release him, I have no choice but to defend him with all my power." Prinplup chuckled slightly at her last remark. A woman fighting him? That wouldn't be fair. Or at least he thought.

"It is my Master's orders that I obtain the boy for him," he yelled back at her, and used the power he'd built up in his knees to throw himself forward into a Waterfall attack. It was much stronger than anything he'd used againt me; if I'd been hit by it I wouldn't have stood a chance. Marowak stood calmly in her place, not edging backwards or away a tiny bit. My face fell as he drew nearer and nearer. Why wouldn't she just jump or something?

"Look out!" I screamed, tears streaming from my eyes. I could feel the water spraying from Prinplup as he dashed by me towards her. At the last moment possible she ducked, ramming her own Bone Club into the underbelly of the charging penguin, crushing his solar plexus. He wheezed loudly and collapsed into a heap onto the dry, dusty earth. Mother just glared at his lifeless body on the ground as he spluttered words of his master and letting him down. Turning around, and without looking back to see the destruction she'd caused to save my life, she lifted me into her arms and silently walked away into the horizon with an angry child screaming and crying over the penguin corpse before him...
---
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Last edited by Mitsuzo-kun; 03-31-2008 at 06:04 PM.
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  #2  
Old 02-11-2008, 03:11 PM
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Default Re: Mother

Characters ~ 9,526

Chapter Dos

---
"What was that?" I mumbled, sipping Mother's herbal tea she'd made. My head was still aching from the Metal Claw I took earlier, and the tea was supposed to help. Fat lot of good it did.

"What was what?" the motherly figure on the opposite half of the room grumbled. We'd been back home for several hours, neither of us breaking the silence. All we'd done was drink tea and sit, sit for hours. The walls were damp, and the floor was slushy. Not the perfect home, but it did the job.

"What do you mean, what?" I raised my voice slightly, in awe at the fact she didn't even remember. "You killed that Prinplup out there, and you just ask me what I mean!" She leapt up out of her chair, raising her Bone Club high above me. I flinched backward, unsure of what she was capable of. I didn't know her anymore; she'd changed. Her face was twisted in agression, but slowly turned back into a soft, pitiful expression, baffling me. She shook her head persistantly, indicating that what I thought wasn't what had happened. Lowering her club and withdrawing back to her chair, she began to give her version of what happened.

"Dear child..." she whispered quietly, "do you honestly think I would let that Prinplup kill you?" I had to agree with her there, but why stoop to their level? She must have sensed my confusion from what she said by the look I gave her. "Even by killing that one Prinplup, I've most likely saved us from a lifetime of bother," she continued. "The human won't return if his Pokemon face such danger, and he might even spread the message to his ghastly frien-" She cut the last sentence short at the shrill cries and howling coming from outside.

"What is, mamma?" I asked, worried at my mother's silence. The growling and grumbling grew increasingly louder, as if the noise was getting closer. Her face fell as she realised what troubles we faced.

"The pack... They've returned." That was all she said, standing there in shell shock. Puzzled, I walked over and nudged her.

"Mamma, what pack? What do you mean?" I continued to badger her for answers, but she completely blanked me as she tried to think of an escape route that wouldn't get us. The pack had always hung around these parts, every once in a while sniffing down here for food supplies. Before when they came we had Pappa, but now that he'd gone...

Mother began hustling around our home, knocking into a wall or piece of furniture every now and again, grabbing random pieces of food and items of value. I'd never seen her so afraid; her whole body was trembling as she hurried, and her eyes were welling with tears. Something here wasn't right. Surely a bunch of hounds couldn't upset my mother this much... She'd even killed a Prinplup! She continued to drift from room to room hastily before she finally stopped in the doorway where I was.

"Go out the back passage and up the slope. I can hear them from the front." she mumbled, her bottom lip wobbling uncontrolably. I felt her push me from behind, ushering me out of our mud hole. I scrambled up the narrow pathway which was barely big enough for Mother to fit through. The tunnel smelled of mud, but that was no shock to me. It wasn't really bothered by it, as we lived in a mud hole anyway. When we reached the top after endless efforts of clambering and pulling, both of us sighed in unison.

The air up here was crisp and clean. The sky was brimming with sparkling stars and the moon lit up the night with a strong silvery light. A gentle breeze ruffled the long blades of luscious grass, as did the thick bushes and leafy trees. The dark evening was virtually silent out here, indicating that the presence of the pack had ceased. Mother crawled stealthily through the ocean of green foliage, shooting a glance back every few moments at me to check if I'd stayed close. The ground was soft, but not like our home. This felt more comfortable to walk on, as you didn't slide about with every step. After crawling around 200 yards, Mother slowed, her eyes darting around the open field. Howling began to flood the plain, pouring into our ears and scarring our hearts with fear. As we stood from the waving blades of grass awaiting the appearance of hounds, the bushes before us began to rustle. Slowly, one by one, a total of 13 Houndoom emerged. Their horns were a dull grey, as were their outer ribs on their back. They were poised for an assault, but held back, seemingly awaiting instructions.

"Well well well..." one of the Houndoom spoke out, stepping forward. This one seemed like a leader, all right. He had a scar running right down the left side of his face, even across his eye. Most likely from a vicious battle. "Look what we have here. A lady and her child. How sweet!" his mockery tone made Mother livid, but it amused the other Houndoom in the pack. "I think we've found dinner..."

My face dropped the minute those words left his mouth. Mother inched backward carefully, spreading her arms out in front of me.

"You will not touch this boy," she growled back to them, her eyes narrowing inside her skull. "I will fight you to the death, and you know I mean it." What? What did she mean? Had they fought before? The leader cackled like an old witch, throwing his head back like he was laughing at the moon.

"Fight to the death? Like your husband?!" he taunted. At that moment, she thrust herself at him. Father was a sensitive subject to talk about, but what did Father have to do with the pack?

"You'll take that back!" She screamed at him, raising her club above her head. As she passed over the top of him, she swung it down hard onto his back. The leader had seen this trick before, somehow, and managed to throw himself into the green ocean of grass. Plumetting down to the ground, Mother barely managed to regain her balance. She look him square on in the eyes, before charging forward again. He opened his mouth and crimson red flares began forming. He must've been charging up a big attack, since it was taking so long. Maybe it was a ploy.

Sliding underneath his body, and using the moist earth to her advantage, Mother pulled back her fist as he forced the flames upon her. They narrowly skimmed the side of her body, making her wince slightly. The small singeing sensation wasn't enough for her to lose focus as she unleashed her Focus Punch. The leader Houndoom was sent rocketing upward, swirling through the air before crashing into the dirt again. The fight had begun.

All of the over Houndoom leapt in to defend their leader, steady in their stance with knees bent. Several bared their fangs, preparing to leap at her, others flickering flames in their mouths, awaiting the go-ahead. "Don't just stand there..." the leader managed to mumble under his breath weakly, "get her..." As he gave that order, all 12 others pounced forward. She tried swiping at them violently yet randomly to keep them away, but none of her attempts even landed a hit. The harsh Flamethrower attacks scorched her skin and melted her eyes. The Crunch attacks ripped at her flesh, the Houndoom thriving on the blood pouring from her wounds. Her skin was splitting, tearing, her tissue falling out of her body.

"STOP!" I pleaded, desperate for them to leave her alone. The stench of burning flesh was unbearable - so was the state Mother was in. Remembering a trick Mother had taught me when I was younger, I rammed my Bone Club into the ground. Polevaulting through the air, I landed with my club pointed toward the ground in the middle of the sickening assault. One Houndoom twisted his head and forced a raging Will-O-Wisp at me, just skimming my tail. A battling lesson with Father taught me that being burnt makes your attacks weaker, so I was grateful to Mew that it missed. Focusing all of my bodily energy, I channelled it through my club and into the soft earth beneath me. It began trembling and rumbling, shaking gently but growing more violent with every passing moment.

"What witchcraft has she taught her son?!" one of the Houndoom roared, pulling away from Mother. He whimpered as the Earthquake grew more vicious, before the leader managed to stand up.

"Pull out!" shouted another, and before long every single Houndoom was scampering away, barely able to run properly from the shaking. When they were a safe distance away, I removed my club from the ground. The trembling in the ground slowly ceased as I regained my balance. My head was spinning, but now was not the time to be worried about that. I kneeled down beside Mother, her whole body ripped apart and open. I gently laid my head next to hers on her chest, weeping into her bosom. Why did they have to do this? What did they hope to gain from it?

"Why?!" I screamed to nobody. The air was tainted with the scent of blood, and it made me wretch.

"Because they can..." Mother's eyes flickered open and shut, before finally managing to look deeply into mine. "Those Houndoom... We've met before. They are the reason your father wasn't here this time to protect us. They killed him." I shook my head in disbelief. They'd taken my father away from me, and had now returned to take my mother too. Those sick bastards had ruined my life. I said nothing, for I couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't make her feel worse. I just sat silently and solemnly with my head by hers, awaiting the time that her presence would leave me. But I would never leave her side. Even if it meant lying here for all eternity.

I've already been made to part with one parent. I don't intend on parting with another...
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Last edited by Mitsuzo-kun; 04-02-2008 at 04:38 PM.
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  #3  
Old 03-31-2008, 05:41 PM
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Default Re: Mother

Completed, finally. D:

Awaiting a grade from some sexy person. ;D

Quote:
Pokemon ~ Cubone
Category ~ Medium
Characters Required ~ 10,000 to 20,000
Characters Achieved ~ 17,284
Date Finished ~ 31st March '08
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Last edited by Mitsuzo-kun; 04-02-2008 at 12:57 AM.
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Old 04-02-2008, 12:17 AM
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Default Re: Mother

Story/Plot: So, Cubone and Prinplup are battling out on the plain, and just when it seems that the former will be defeated, his mother, Marowak, leaps in to save him. With her power, she kills the penguin Pokemon, and the two return home to a bitter silence. It is finally broken by the baying of “the pack”, and the two scurry from their home in search of safety. However, the Houndoom approach them and a battle ensues, upon which the female Marowak is scorched to death by the repeated Flamethrowers.

It was…..okay. While the beginning was certainly enticing and interesting, the second part of the story sort of let me down. Everything happened so randomly after that, and although I know what you mean by all of it, it really didn’t piece together that well. I wish we had gotten some insight as to the relationship that the father had with the family, as well as why the Houndoom would take to killing him. Important details such as these can really make or break a story, and it really didn’t work toward your advantage here.

However, I really enjoyed the relationship between the mother and son, for although she will sacrifice herself to save him, she doesn’t seem to like him very much. There is a….stone wall between them.

Introduction: You open upon a quite fierce battle between a young Cubone and an enslaved Prinplup, who obviously has an advantage over the child. I have to say that I really, really enjoyed this part. The detail was awesome, and the pain that the youngster was enduring shone through your words. You managed to, somewhat, purvey the hatred that most Pokemon have toward trainers, and I liked how the penguin was reluctant in attacking the Cubone.

However, you never actually tell what the main character is. Sure, I could definitely tell by the details, like the Bone Club and such, but (and I am sure that you are very tired of hearing this), you need to write as though your reader is a n00b to the world of Pokemon. Also, you lacked description of both Pokemon. How do you expect us to envision the Cubone or Prinplup by only providing scant adjectives about them? Was the Prinplup’s coat a vast ocean, dappled with clouds of creamy fair splotches that rose up within the Cubone’s vision? Or was it a ragged, war-torn creature, whose expression was plastered with the sorrows of years of battling. Descriptions such as these not only add to the actual appearance of the Pokemon species, but also the personality of them.

Another thing I enjoyed was the connection between the mother Marowak and the Cubone. Her willingness to barge right in and battle for her son’s life was amazing, and I think you really showed it here, despite the short length of her arrival.

Grammar/Spelling: This was nice. The errors were infrequent, if they appeared at all. Some were obviously due to carelessness on your part, and I only pinpointed a few to show you.

Quote:
I sighed heavily, and realised that it wasn't Prinplup's fault.
I dunno whether this is a ‘location error’, as in the word (realize) being spelled differently in England, but I just thought that I would point it out.

Quote:
An almighty thud was heard, and I flinched from the colission more than my enemy did.
(Colission) should be (Collision)

Quote:
I clutched my head with my empty hand that was grasping the bone, dropping to me knees to prevent myself from falling over.
(Me) should be (my), and although this isn’t a grammatical error, I am just curious: How can his hand be empty if he is grasping a bone? (xP)

Quote:
The moment those words left his mouth I leapt from the ground and dove at my beloved club.
A comma should be added after (mouth).

Length: You had more than the minimal amount, so no problems.

Detail/Description: As stated earlier, I really felt that your detail was your best area by a mile. You use nice adjectives and piece together sentences brilliantly. Nice work.

However, in the second half of the story, I felt like you sort of lacked here. You included touch and smell and taste and everything (good job on that), but the attacks and the appearance of the Houndoom really weren’t described in the least. You showed us the aftereffects of such things, (i.e. the gruesome puddles of blood all of the ground and her tattered flesh billowing about her), but the cause needed a bit of work.

Battle: Your first one was wonderful, for you took your time and described everything perfectly: the emotions, attacks, everything. However, your second one, and perhaps the most important one of the whole tale wasn’t very good.

In fact, the latter one was more of a gang-up series of crunching and flaming than an actual battle. Everything came about so randomly, so it was kind of hard for me to get into the flow and such.

There were, what, three described attacks in total? I enjoyed how you displayed the Earthquake, but you barely showed the Flamethrowers and Crunches and such. I was really hoping to see a grisly scene of jaws snapping into her bones and flames rolling over her body and the skin peeling back.

Finally, how was the Cubone captured? You have to include at least some form of entrapping the creature. It didn’t necessarily have to be a Poke Ball, but he can’t just lay there next to his mother.

Outcome: This was a very, very hard decision for me to make, mind you. Just because of the overall detail and grammar, I wanted to give you the little fella, yet the somewhat bland and random plot as well as the battle sort of tugged you in the wrong direction. I can’t believe I am about to say this, but Cubone not Captured!. Trust me, if you add just a little bit more to your battle and include something about him being captured, the Pokemon will be all yours. I have no doubt about that.
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Old 04-02-2008, 12:28 AM
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Default Re: Mother

Quote:
Originally Posted by BryceBoy10 View Post
Battle: Your first one was wonderful, for you took your time and described everything perfectly: the emotions, attacks, everything. However, your second one, and perhaps the most important one of the whole tale wasn’t very good.

In fact, the latter one was more of a gang-up series of crunching and flaming than an actual battle. Everything came about so randomly, so it was kind of hard for me to get into the flow and such.

There were, what, three described attacks in total? I enjoyed how you displayed the Earthquake, but you barely showed the Flamethrowers and Crunches and such. I was really hoping to see a grisly scene of jaws snapping into her bones and flames rolling over her body and the skin peeling back.

Finally, how was the Cubone captured? You have to include at least some form of entrapping the creature. It didn’t necessarily have to be a Poke Ball, but he can’t just lay there next to his mother.
I think I told you on AIM, but you probably forgot. The first battle was intended to be the actual possessive capture. The one at the end was merely a gang attack from Houndoom, added for extra emoness. And I can honestly imagine Houndoom being more rough and attacking like coyotes do rather than using actual Pokemon attacks.

In regards to capturing, I posted it in the Story Feedback thread but forgot to edit it into the last post I made. Well, if it's a capture, then he stays there forever with his mother, even dying next to her body. If it's not a capture, then his he is snapped to his senses and decides to leave her since there's nothing he can do for her.

As for what you said about the plot, and it being random, I can see your point quite clearly. The absence of the father and husband really weakened their relationship, all because of the Houndoom that killed him last time they were there. So I made the Houndoom have a reappearance to try and test the characters.

If my explanation of the capture wasn't enough to tempt you to change it, then I shall edit it as soon as I get a verdict from you.

Also, I copied my dear Ashley's idea and made my changes and additions in bold.
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Last edited by Mitsuzo-kun; 04-02-2008 at 01:01 AM.
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Old 04-02-2008, 02:08 AM
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Default Re: Mother

OMFG.

Could Jackson possibly be the most persistent nagging person in the history of PE2K?

Yes, I believe so. lol

You added just what I told you to, so Cubone Captured!
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Old 02-12-2009, 09:54 PM
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Default Re: Mother

Chapter III

NARRATOR
“And so that is the story of the Marowak spirit.” There was silence then, the only noise coming from the closing of a very dusty, age-worn book. Carlisle looked up from the volume of legends he had just finished. The sunlight cutting through the blinds on the window to the east of the room washed over his already saffron skin like an ocean of gold. Seen from the right angle, it would appear to shimmer. He relaxed back into the chair with the book in his lap and began twiddling with the beard-like hair on his neck – he appeared to be very deep in thought.

Jasper stood on the opposite side of the desk from the Hypno, his skin a beautiful lemon yellow and his pointy black-tipped ears twitching in anticipation, waiting to hear more of the tale or for Carlisle to mention something of vital importance. When the only thing he heard was silence, he relaxed his attentive stance and shot a sideways glance at Bella. He glimpsed at her long enough to notice that her fist was clenched unusually tightly around her bone club; much tighter than was even necessary. The ivory club glistened in the sunlight like her identical ivory helmet that masked her true identity from everyone, including herself. Jasper wondered to himself for a moment what it must be like to not know what your own face looked like.

Then he caught himself. Whatever Carlisle had brought him here for must be much more important than some Cubone called Bella whom he’d been briefly introduced to.

Unless she was the reason he was here.

“That’s a, um, sad story and all, but what does it have to do with me?” Jasper turned back to Carlisle, confused, and the Hypno’s eyes snapped open as if somebody had slapped him around the face. Amidst looking at Bella, the Pikachu hadn’t even noticed Carlisle had nodded off. “Is it to do with her?” Jasper’s words came out sharper than intended, especially on the word ‘her’. Bella flinched at the harsh tone of his words, and for a second Carlisle’s face become a beacon of disapproval before he composed his expression into one of calmness and serenity again.

“What a perfectly sensible question,” Carlisle’s beautiful voice rang out. He gave a small sigh before continuing. “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask questions and just escort her to where you were told, but I can tell you wouldn’t have let it go if I didn’t allow you an explanation.” Jasper’s face must have portrayed the shock he was feeling, for Carlisle gave a little chuckle under his breath.

Jasper threw an accusing glare at Bella, even himself unsure of what she had done to deserve such a cutting look. How dare she make Carlisle laugh at him! To Jasper, that seemed like a perfectly reasonable excuse. Bella didn’t need an invite to return his hostile gesture. Their eyes locked for a few seconds, before Carlisle cleared his throat and said, “Ahem,” in an assertive voice. Jasper couldn’t ignore that, so he broke the eye contact and returned his attention back to the wise leader that stood before him. He waited patiently for Carlisle to begin, spellbound by the mystifying silence that always lingered in the air before he spoke.

“As you are aware from the tale I have now told you, Marowak died, however much in vain, so that her son could live another day. That loving bond, despite it being shaky at times, was stronger than any mother-son bond I’ve ever heard of or seen before.” He paused for a moment, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “If the power of that love was harnessed into some form of energy, it would be more powerful than anything even I can think of. Of course, love, like any other emotion, isn’t exactly that easily manipulated.

“The spirit of Marowak alone is a powerful thing in itself, but when in the body of somebody who can utilize this power…” he broke off, pausing again to look at Bella. She met his gaze with an emotionless look in her eyes, as if she were unsure of what to think or say. He looked away before she did, his eyes following the huge line of shelves across the walls of his office. Every inch of each was coated in very chunky looking books, most likely full of legends, folklore, spells, and other ideas that seemed unnecessary and boring to Jasper.

Jasper, who had been listening intently, nodded gently and looked across to examine Bella once more. Her russet skin and beige underbelly were startlingly contrasting, and he wondered whether it was the same with the cold, hard mask that she put on, perhaps to pretend, and her inner personality.

“This is linked with Bella.” This was more of a statement than a question, mostly aimed at himself. Jasper stopped scrutinising her and focused on Carlisle again, who nodded.

“Yes, Jasper. Bella was born with the Marowak spirit inside of her. Bella was born at the exact same moment as Marowak passed on and left her body behind. Because she had lived a good life and died protecting a loved one, she was lucky and managed to pass into the body of a newborn Cubone. She stayed there for ten years, in a sleep-like trance, if you will. Bella was completely unaware of her presence until a few weeks ago, on her tenth birthday. This was also the tenth anniversary of Marowak’s death, and so her spirit ‘awoke’ from its sleep.

“From what I understand, Bella is still in complete control of her thoughts and her body. Her body is the host for the Marowak spirit, which keeps the spirit in line and her behaviour good. Although, there aren’t any hostile feelings at all. They can hear what the other is thinking, which I find fascinating.”

Carlisle paused once more, looking back to Bella for confirmation. Her nod told him he had all the details correct. He smiled warmly at her in a comforting manner, before continuing again with his story.

“Now, I imagine that Bella has the ability to call upon the Marowak spirit for help, and by that I assume that the spirit can grant her immense power. Unfortunately, she has not learned to control it properly yet, and it is making her quite the topic of discussion amongst the wrong people.” Carlisle’s mouth pulled down at the corners into a slight frown. “A Lucario, known by the name of Laurent, has the ability to detect and manipulate aura. When he felt the sensationally strong aura that the spirit gave off, he knew what had occurred and immediately wanted Bella. He wants her. He was to own her. He wants to possess her like an object, like a child and a toy. He’s a collector of sorts, ‘collecting’ Pokemon with enhanced abilities for his own misguided uses.

“He has given orders to Pokemon to come and retrieve her,“ he paused dramatically, “and to kill anybody that interferes. This is why I chose you for this mission, Jasper. Your perceptiveness, agility, and deceptiveness will help you to stay out of trouble and reach your destination safely.” He stopped again, looking at Bella once more, making sure she was keeping up; this was the first time she’d heard of what were to be her fate.

Jasper’s lips pulled up into a smile at the compliments that were pouring out of Carlisle’s mouth like water from a jug. He enjoyed hearing nice things about himself, however often others repeated them.

“Your destination is Luminous Mountain. At the top there is a cave. In that cave lives a Gardevoir – a friend of mine by the name of Esme. She, too, has an extraordinary gift that will help keep Bella from harm.”

The ending of his explanation was extremely unsatisfying. Jasper tilted his head and stared at him, confused. What were they supposed to do at this cave with Esme? Put on a pot of tea? Bella must have not got it either; she sighed with impatience and tapped her foot with irritancy on the shaggy carpet.

Carlisle knew they were waiting for more, but he seemed reluctant to carry on. After what seemed like an hour to Bella and Jasper, which was more or less thirty seconds, the Hypno sighed himself and told them.

“Esme will… Remove and destroy the spirit of the Marowak.”

Bella could feel the protests of the Marowak inside of her. The sensation was like carrying a baby in your body and having it thrash around like it was using a Close Combat assault. Though she tried her best not to show it, the pain was almost unbearable and she winced, wrapping her arms around her stomach as if it really was a baby in her that caused her such discomfort.

Carlisle could guess what was going on. He muttered something unintelligible under his breath that sounded to Jasper like, “I didn’t want to tell you,” and he suppressed a small giggle.

“Now, when I send you to the cave, you go straight there. You do not talk to anybody on the way, you do not tell anybody where you are headed or why, and you stop only rest if you must. Am I understood?” Carlisle’s instructions were spoken calmly but assertively. There was to be no monkey business now, no fooling around. This was a serious, adult matter and had to be dealt with in such a way.

Jasper nodded, and glanced over at Bella, who had regained her stance, albeit a little more hunched over than before the spirit’s outburst. Why hadn’t she said anything yet? Could she not utter even a thank you to the pair of them?

“One more thing.” Carlisle grabbed Jasper’s attention like a school bully would grab the collar of a victim’s shirt. “You will more or likely get ambushed if you stray too deep into the wood. Stay near the clearing, and your main priority should be keeping Bella safe and to escape if it comes to a fight. Oh, and Bella’s a mute.”
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Last edited by Mitsuzo-kun; 05-21-2009 at 09:13 PM. Reason: yes, i'm fixing typos even after i finished the story :X
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:37 PM
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Default Re: Mother

Chapter IV

BELLA
“You know, you should be resting. That’s kind of the whole reason we stopped.”

The sun’s rays spilled through whatever gap in the leaves and branches they could find in the canopy of the forest ceiling. Gentle rustling could be heard for miles and miles, as if the wind was carrying a whisper somewhere that nobody would hear its secret. No matter where you looked, there was always a russet tree trunk, either coating in jade green leaves and moss or bare like a poor man’s cupboard. I waited for my club to come flying back into my outstretched hand before I turned to look at Jasper. His lemon-yellow skin seemed luminous even in the limited light here on the forest floor. For a moment, I noted to myself how beautiful he was, how adorable his rosy-red cheeks were, how soft and genuine his smile was.

My eyes moved to stare at the ground without me consciously making the decision to. I forced myself to look back at him and pulled my mouth up into a small, half-hearted smile before turning away from him and throwing my Bone Club again into a Bonemerang. My ivory toy circled through the air, slicing through a branch before obediently returning to me like a loyal Growlithe. I let out a tiny sigh, barely loud enough for myself to hear, never mind Jasper. I was pretty sure he heard it, though, so gripped my club a little harder before flinging it at another branch. This time, however, my aim was a little off – it was like I’d been distracted just thinking about the Pikachu who was eagerly awaiting our departure.

He’d insisted on stopping here for a few minutes for me to catch my breath. He had said, “Carlisle reminded me before we left that you’re not as used to travelling at such a fast pace as I am, and to stop every now and then for a breather.” And then he’d smiled at me, with those kind, beady black eyes and sat on the mossy tree trunk where he was still sitting.

There hadn’t been much chatter on the way so far, although with one of us unable to speak I guess that would be expected. Both of us had a lot to think about after hearing that Marowak story again. I didn’t know if it was playing on his mind as much as it was on mine, but I was sure he must have thought about it at one point on the way here.

And then there was a rustle from a bush beside a tree. I snapped out of my deep thinking and remembered that I’d thrown my Bone Club. It hadn’t returned. Three things happened at that point. Jasper’s pointy ears pricked up, and he leapt over toward me, clutching at whatever piece of exposed skin he could find of me and yanked me off the ground. There was a streak of green that flashed right by my eyes. And then a tree, which was an inch from where I had been standing, fell apart, chunks of log splaying out everywhere, other pieces of it shredded to ribbons. Jasper and I landed curtly on the soft, mossy earth with a small thud. Tiny bits of bark settled around us, and we both looked up to see him standing there.

He was the biggest mantis I had ever seen. There were three things, that slightly resembled horns, protruding from his head. When I saw his face, I thought for a moment that we hadn’t been attacked by a mantis, but by a dinosaur. He had a vicious glare in his eyes, and jagged fangs on each side of his mouth. The rest of his body said he was a bug, though, so my mind settled a little knowing that he wasn’t a beast of prehistoric age. Coming down from each shoulder was not an arm, but a scythe. His feet were huge, like somebody had cut out monster feet from cardboard and put them on to make joke footprints. His skin was a lime green and healthy looking.

Jasper scrambled to his feet and stood directly in front of me.

“What is your purpose here?” The way he spoke was calm, but with authority. It reminded me of exactly how Carlisle spoke when we were back in his office. Unfortunately, Jasper couldn’t quite pull it off as well as the Hypno could – his voice wobbled slightly with anxiety towards the end.

The green-scythed attacker just stared at Jasper, his eyes filled with bloodlust and hatred. Something I hadn’t noticed before was a long vertical scar along his left eye. I could feel my legs turn to jelly beneath me, and for a moment I thought I might take a tumble. But then there was his voice again, reassuring me that I would be safe, and I felt it.

“His species is called Scyther. Don’t worry, I can handle this.” He looked deep into my eyes, and I saw something in the split second that I looked back. When I blinked he had already turned away and was facing Scyther again. “Who are you? Why are you here?”

“My name is Xeno. I have come for you.” The Scyther paused, and Jasper waited for him to carry on. He never did though, and he just kept mumbling to himself, “I have come for you.”

Jasper took a more defensive stance in front of me, and I thought I saw a few sparks crackle around his rosy cheeks. Finally the Scyther stopped conversing with himself and looked at us again.

“There is a bounty on your head,” he raised a scythe and jabbed at the air in front of Jasper, “and it is very handsome. Yes, very handsome. I would like it, yes. Very much so, yes.”

And then he lunged forward. He brought his left scythe back, almost behind him he pulled it back so hard, and swiped it straight through the air, aiming for Jasper’s middle horizontally. I gaped in horror as he stood there and did nothing, loyally protecting me, even though we’d only met that day. The scythe tore through Jasper’s middle and I was about to scream when I noticed the sound wasn’t right.

It wasn’t the sound of flesh being torn apart. It was the sound of a doll being ripped in two by a pair frustrated kids tugging at it from either side. And there sat, on the ground before me where Jasper had been not a second before, a life-size Pikachu doll, now ripped to pieces. The top half of the body rolled around in the dirt liked a discarded tennis ball whilst the bottom half was soaring through the air from the impact. Had that been a Substitute? Could Jasper really be that fast?

Scyther looked up into the air, and I presumed he wondered where the bottom half had gone. But I was wrong. Above his head, right in his line of sight, was Jasper, hurtling toward him at a blinding speed. I was amazed at how fast he’d managed to create a Substitute and then throw himself out of harm’s way. If he would have been hit by that, it would have been fatal. I sighed as relief washed over me, and then I began to panic. If one blow was all it would take, did Jasper really have any chance?

Jasper must not have anticipated how fast Xeno was, though, because he wasn’t prepared for the blinding speed at which the Scyther spiralled up and around into the air beside Jasper. In the blink of an eye, Jasper was sent rocketing into the ground and Xeno was just left with his right scythe outstretched. It was so fast that I didn’t even see the connection. When Jasper landed it was with such force that even the little dust that were there stirred. He pushed himself to his feet, but not without a good groan, and inspected his wound. There was a crimson soaked gash along his side. Admittedly, it wasn’t very long but it definitely looked deep. How much pain was he in? His steely expression gave nothing away, although I thought it impossible for him not be in agony after that.

By the time the dust had settled, Scyther was gone again. He was zipping across toward Jasper with his right scythe above his head.

I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to yell, “Get out of the way!” but I couldn’t. I was useless now. I prayed Jasper would be able to move fast enough with his wound.

And he did. I saw him up until the split second that Scyther brought down his scythe and plunged it into the ground, right where Jasper had been not a blink of an eye before. And then I saw him, leaning against a tree, a good few feet away from Scyther, panting and clutching his side, catching his breath. He didn’t look like he was in a good state. No way. I was still pleased that he’d managed to avoid that attack.

I wondered to myself why I cared so much about Jasper getting hurt. I’d never felt this strongly protective of anybody before.

Never mind how fast Jasper was. How was that Scyther so fast? Before I could take in Jasper’s expression, Xeno had pinned up against the tree with his scythes crossed over. There was a little bit of struggling and wiggling from Jasper, but all of it in vain. Plastered all over Xeno’s face was an expression of timeless cruelty and pleasure for what he was about to do. His scythes began to faintly glow a creamy white, and he smiled his sadistic smile.

Jasper looked horrified when he realised Xeno was about to X-Scissor him to pieces. I think my face must have been a near mirror image of his. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to admit that Jasper was about to die for me. And then Scyther brought his scythes down across Jasper’s centre in a diagonal slash. But the only sound I heard was the sound of scraping against thick bark. Jasper was still against the tree for a second before he flickered and vanished before my eyes.

A Pikachu had just flickered and vanished. Only Double Team clones do that, I told myself over and over again, and then it hit me. It was a clone.

Xeno’s almighty roar abruptly snapped me from my thinking like a slap to the face. I looked at him, but noticed nothing unusual. Then I saw Jasper, clinging to his back for dear life. Scyther flailed around with great aggression, trying his hardest to loosen Jasper’s grip on him, but failing.

“Get off me, you filthy rodent!” he bellowed, the first time he’d spoken since the beginning of the fight between the two of them. Jasper didn’t say anything back, but concentrated one hundred percent of his energy and willpower into not letting go.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Jasper was truly amazing. He’d managed to create a Double Team clone within a split second and manoeuvre himself to land on Scyther’s back. Now he had the upper hand. It was him that was in control.

Jasper’s steely expression turned to what seemed like a bit of a smirk. His cheeks began to crackle, small sparks flickering around the rosy electrical sacks. Scyther heard him preparing for an electric attack, and began to panic. He tried spinning his body, but the only thing he achieved was to stir up a small cloud of dust. Jasper held tight, and the electricity within him grew stronger and stronger until his cheeks were bursting with static charge. Without hesitation, he unleashed the full power of his Discharge attack.

I had never seen anything more barbaric in all my life. The look of excruciating pain on Scyther’s face was like somebody had ripped open his body and yanked on his internal organs whilst he was still alive. I was pretty sure that no normal Pikachu would be able to generate that kind of power. It was unbelievable. The disbelief was also evident on Xeno’s face. The fact that any living being could withstand such immense pain and not be put out of its suffering made we want to cry again, whether they were an enemy or not. I wanted to scream at Jasper to stop, that it was enough now, that we should go now, but I couldn’t.

Finally, after Jasper had finished torturing his opponent, Xeno collapsed to the ground, the smell of burned flesh tainting the air and staining the inside of my nose. His limbs twitched slightly as Jasper released his grip and climbed off. He limped toward me with the kind, caring expression that he had been wearing before the fight. Only, I couldn’t view it in the same light anymore.

I couldn’t see him the same anymore.

He looked different to me now.

How was he supposed to be my protector if he mercilessly tortured his foes until they were burnt alive? I wanted to back away with every step he took toward me, but what if this aggravated him further? He’d already killed one Pokemon today. I didn’t want to be his second.

Whilst considering my options, I noticed Xeno where he had fallen. I knew what Jasper would do when he knew he was still alive. I wanted to scream at him to play dead, to pretend, not to move, but of course I couldn’t. Jasper’s ears twitched slightly, and then he knew. Summoning a green colour to his palms, he crouched down and touched his hands to the dirt ground. Grass began to sprout around him, and in a straight line connecting him to Xeno. The line continued underneath Scyther’s neck and around to the other side of his head. The dirt somehow managed to pull itself from the ground with the power of the grass and coiled itself around Xeno’s neck. With a quick tug from Jasper, a sickening snapping sound filled the forest air, and I watched Scyther’s body go limp.

Now he was dead.

“I didn’t want to have to kill him.” Jasper gave a sigh from a few feet away from me. He looked deep into my eyes and he seemed sincere. He said it as if he knew what I was thinking, that I thought he was a cold-blooded, callous murderer, that he wanted to butcher that Scyther. One second of eye contact was all it took to convince me otherwise, to convince me that he wasn’t a cold-blooded, callous murderer, that he didn’t want to butcher that Scyther. There was nothing but pure goodness in his eyes. It left me without a doubt that he only did what he had to.

When I gazed into his eyes, it was like I was being hypnotised by those warm, gentle black eyes. I wondered whether he’d learned that skill from Carlisle.

Jasper just smiled weakly at my absentmindedness, still clutching his side as he limped back over to me. This time when he approached I wanted not to run in the opposite direction, but to hurry over and throw my arms around him in a comforting embrace. But by the time I’d decided that, he was already beside me. Even when he was injured, he still moved faster than I expected.

There was just one thing left – my Bone Club. Where was it? I glanced around over my shoulder, trying to remember where I’d thrown it the time that it never returned, before the big fight. Although it was only five or so minutes ago, it felt like forever. I hurried over to the bush that it flew into and scrambled around inside, not taking much care to avoid the thorns. They stabbed into my skin like daggers, but I didn’t care right now. I retrieved my club and raced back to Jasper. Was he still okay? Yes, he was. That was good news, at least.

“Neither of us is in a very good condition to travel much farther today,” Jasper chuckled softly, trying to humour the currently bad situation. “I’m injured quite badly, and, uh, you look like you’re in a state of shock. We’ll head out of this deep part of the forest and into the clearing, where there’s a river. We can clean up there and rest until tomorrow.” He turned away from me and began to walk with his limp. “You coming, or what?”
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Last edited by Mitsuzo-kun; 02-19-2009 at 09:24 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 02-19-2009, 09:47 PM
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Default Re: Mother

Chapter V

BELLA
Black. It was nothing but pure black. Nothing to see, nothing to hear, just black. Mamma wanted to talk. So it was going to be one of those nights.

There was doubt in your heart today. You doubted him.

I thought you weren’t talking to me, I snapped back as harshly as I could. It didn’t quite have the same effect in dreams, especially when, in the dream, it wasn’t even being spoken aloud.

My sense of self preservation only stretches as far as yours does. She didn’t really answer my question, but what she said did make sense to me. As long as I was safe, she was too. Until we reached Luminous Cave, anyway.

There was silence for a moment, neither of us really thinking anything that would need to be shared.

I didn’t choose this existence, you know. Mamma finally spoke. The silence had been so strong that I could feel the shards of it shatter as she broke it. I’m sorry I’m such a burden on you, such a burden for such a young lady to bear. For that I am truly sorry.

I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt then. I shouldn’t have snapped at her earlier.

Yes, for a moment I did doubt Jasper, I sighed. But I’m over that now. It was just one of those moments. I’m not used to seeing things like that happen, y’know?

Mamma was quiet for a moment, before bringing something up that I had hopelessly prayed she wouldn’t.

You’re in love. It wasn’t a question, like she was asking me whether I was or not. It was a statement, although it wasn’t like I didn’t already know. She could peer into every dark corner of my mind. It was no question keeping it a secret from her.

Maybe I am, I replied with a smile evident in my voice. Mamma giggled and I felt a surge of warmth spread through me.

Don’t feel guilty about what you’re going to do with Esme. She paused for a second before continuing, like she was trying to choose the right words. You’re like a child to me, Bella, no matter how short I’ve known you. I would rather you were safe than carry on with this meagre existence.

I didn’t know what to say to that.

Rest now, sweetheart. I can tell you’re exhausted. It’s been a long day. Let me not keep you from the blanket of slumber you so crave. Goodnight, darling.

And then her voice disappeared, and my awareness shortly followed.
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Last edited by Mitsuzo-kun; 03-15-2009 at 09:25 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 03-16-2009, 10:07 PM
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Default Re: Mother

Chapter VI

JASPER
The sun was low in the sky, a vast number of oranges and pinks painted across it like a magnificently finished canvas. Behind me I heard Bella stumble again over a rock for the fifth time in half an hour. I tried not to giggle and only just managed to suppress it. I was quite content admiring how beautiful the sunset was that evening. There were a few clouds dotted around here and there, throwing around clumps of shadows that darkened the mountain path in patches. I turned my head and looked at Bella properly.

She was more beautiful than the sunset. Her smooth russet skin, her startlingly pale underbelly, her casually outstretched tail, the way she confidently gripped her bone club… It pained me to take my eyes off of her.

I could never let her see how much I loved her. She could never know how much I cared. It would never be allowed. She was a client, I was her escort, and that was that. Work and relationships could never be mixed and I knew that. I turned away from her before her gaze could meet mine and put her to the back of my mind. Something else that I’d tried not to think about was the confrontation with that Scyther. When I climbed off him, when I turned back to her and limped over towards her, the look on her face said it all. She was frightened of me after that. Not of a gigantic preying mantis that looked like it was crossed with a dinosaur, but me. I was pretty sure she’d forgiven me by now, or at least had gotten over the shock of seeing me electrocute and burn that Scyther to little more than a lump of charcoal.

It wasn’t something that I regretted, killing Xeno. He posed a threat to us, and I couldn’t let him hurt her. I couldn’t. What I did regret, though, was doing it so barbarically. Something I also regretted was not grabbing her hand there and then and dragging her through the forest so that she didn’t have to witness such a fight there. Her safety was in jeopardy the moment we’d taken that path, and my main priority was to get her out of harm’s way, and I didn’t.

“Bella.” The words were out of my mouth before I’d even chosen to speak them. I slowed to a halt and faced her again. She looked at me with those innocent, deeply penetrating eyes and I lost my train of thought for a moment. I broke eye contact after a few seconds, looking instead over the rolling hills and this side of the dusty mountain path we’d just come up. It was actually further than I’d thought it would have been, and I was impressed that Bella had been able to keep up as well as she did, or even make it this far at all.

My gaze returned to her face and she looked at me expectantly. It suddenly dawned on me that she was waiting for me to speak. I cleared my throat before I continued.

“I’m sorry for what I did to Xeno. I honestly did not want to kill him, and I hope that you understand why I did it. I had no other choice Bella. I… I couldn’t let him hurt you-“ I broke off, a lump in my throat. What was wrong with me? Even when I tried not to let it show, I couldn’t conceal from her how I felt, I couldn’t bury my feelings deep inside me. They were bursting, bubbling, desperate to surface, and I gave in. “I know I should have taken you somewhere and escaped from him instead. You were my priority and I let you down. I let my pride get in the way and put you in jeopardy. I really am sorry.” I stopped there, not wanting to pour out the entire contents of my heart in front of her there and then. I didn’t really know what she made of that, whether she saw right through me and knew how I really felt, or even if she felt the same way. But she gave me this look, one that I’d never seen the likes of before, that told me it was okay, that I didn’t need to worry, that everything would be alright.

The genuinely warm smile that lit up her face made me feel so much more comfortable, even though I was pretty sure that I wasn’t the one that even needed comforting. Considering what she would soon endure made my stomach churn. Would it hurt? Would it be successful? Would it mean that bad people would stop coming for her? These questions floated around in my head without any influence from me, like apples in the murky-brown water when you go apple bobbing. I hoped she couldn’t see the worry written across my face. I didn’t want her anxious about what was to come, too.

“You’ll be fine,” I smiled at her. “Esme knows what she’s doing. Carlisle wouldn’t have sent us to her if he didn’t think she was up to the job, or there was a better alternative. Trust me, it’ll all be over soon, and you’ll be alri-“ I cut the end of my sentence short. I stopped walking. Bella stopped walking too.

Something was wrong. Something wasn’t right. Whatever way I thought about it, there was something that didn’t fit in here. That smell… it wasn’t Esme’s scent. I’d met her a few times before, when Carlisle had me deliver books, messages, and the like to her in her cave, just above where we were. I would recognise her sickly-sweet aroma anywhere, and there was no trace of it up here.

Why?

She wasn’t there. She hadn’t been there for days. That was the only possible reason I could think of for her smell not being there. Unless…

She could be dead.

Esme. Dead.

Adrenaline pumped throughout my entire body and I grabbed Bella’s hand and dragged her up the path toward the mouth of the cave, as fast as my legs would carry us. Her bewildered expression just made me feel even worse. If Esme were dead, Bella would be stuck with that thing inside of her. There would be no way to rid her of that wretched spirit, and she’d forever be plagued with it, people following her everywhere she went. The amount of danger she was in made my eyes well up.

“Please…” I half panted, half whimpered, as we raced up the craggy path. As we neared the Gardevoir’s home, there was still no trace of the smell at all. I strained my ears and listened, but nothing. I could vaguely make out a heartbeat, and I sighed in relief.

Wait… Two heartbeats? Who was with her? Was she in trouble? Esme never had guests, save for Carlisle, and he wouldn’t be there now.

We made it to the cave entrance, and it only just hit me that I’d been holding Bella’s hand the whole way, something I’d been longing to do. It must have been killing her not to know why I was in such a panic, and a hurry to get here, but I couldn’t stop to explain to her now. When I looked into the opening properly, I could only just make out two figures standing beside one another, until my eyes adjusted properly to the dark.

They were both about the same height as me, neither even close to the standard size of a Gardevoir, or even Esme, who was quite short for her species. It was shocking how sharp, and lethal, their claws looked. If there had been any more light filling up the cave then I would have put my life on it that they would have glinted like a dagger in the midday sun. One ear on each of their heads was far more protruding than the other. It reminded me of when an artist would draw something, get in a bad mood, and purposely distort one of the line drawings on his page. It was far more exaggerated than I would have expected possible, but then what did I know? On their rears were a trio of feathers, like somebody had plucked their tail feathers clean off and forgotten a few by accident. A single amber gem sat in between their eyes like a golden amulet, locked away, hidden inside an ancient chest. They didn’t look particularly frightening in their appearance, but there was something about the expressions on their faces, the way they stood confidently with their arms crossed, the way they looked me dead in the eyes with cocky smiles plastered over their faces.

“Welcome.” The one on the left, who was far more muscular than the one on the right, stepped forward and greeted me. His grin wasn’t one of kindness but one of malice, one that you would expect to see in a horror movie on the face of a demon or possessed doll.

The smaller Sneasel stepped forward and took their place beside him. I cautiously eyed them both, first the left, then the right.

“I am Victoria, and this is James,” the smaller Sneasel introduced herself, gesturing towards her partner when she mentioned his name. He never dropped his demonic grin.

“My name is Japer,” I spoke clearly and confidently. I would not be intimidated by a couple of weasels. “I will ask you only once. Where is Esme?”

Victoria looked at me, and the edges of her mouth pulled up into a peculiar smile. It wasn’t friendly, in the least, but it also wasn’t like James’. It was more sly, more confident, like I was missing something, like she knew something I didn’t. I chanced a swift glance at Bella to measure her reaction. If she was frightened, she was doing a good job of hiding it. She just stood there clutching her bone club with a tight grip.

Before I’d noticed that she’d moved, Victoria was behind me, stroking my neck, whispering in my ear. “Esme’s unavailable right now, sweetie, so we thought we’d come and make you feel at home.” Her voice was smooth, confident, like mine had been. The way she said it was very seductive.

I stepped a small pace away from her; I didn’t like her being behind me, and so close too. “Would you mind telling me where I could find her, and what your purpose here is?” Even though I didn’t like the look of them, I couldn’t be rude, or provoke them in any way. I didn’t know what their temperament was like, or what they were capable of, so the best way to go was polite.

James still had his sadistic grin, and Victoria casually strolled around us, returning to her position next to James. I shuffled a little closer to Bella now. There was something about their eyes… Their irises, they were blood red. It was rather unsettling looking into them. It made me feel like… I wasn’t sure what it made me feel like, but it certainly wasn’t a nice feeling.

“She’s got a little appointment with our administrator, Laurent, and it was so important that she couldn’t miss it. He’s the one that wants her-” she jabbed a claw at Bella “-and we’re here to ‘collect’ her.”

“Over my dead body,” I snarled. There was a growl rumbling deep in my chest, and I could feel the ferocity boiling in my blood. I definitely wouldn’t make the mistake of underestimating her, but I would certainly have to take out that muscle man of hers.

Once my brain had processed that information, I could not believe what I had heard. Esme was in league with Laurent, that sick bastard who was intent upon owning anybody even the slightest bit extraordinary, and intent on ruining Bella’s life. How could she do that to Carlisle? Did she have no shame?

“Hmm, it seems like you put too much faith in people,” Victoria smirked. “Well, there’s no point dragging this out.” I turned to her, and then her partner, and saw the most bloodthirsty look in his eyes. “James?”
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Old 03-22-2009, 09:23 PM
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Default Re: Mother

Chapter VII

BELLA
I couldn’t get my head around what I was hearing. I could vaguely understand what was happening, but it was hard to concentrate on individual words. I managed to catch Jasper snarl at her, and something about his dead body. I was too dazed to take note whatever else was being said.

He was willing to die for me.

Why?

The sound of Victoria’s voice snapped me out of my trance-like state.

“James?”

I looked at her partner and saw him lunge straight at us. Jasper instinctively leapt in front of me, and pulled his eyebrows down into a frown. James’ claw was raised directly above his head, glowing an eerie purple, small waves of shadowy energy billowing off of it. I cringed as he thrust it straight into Jasper’s head, but the noise was only the sound of a pickaxe against a rock. Jasper flickered for a second, before vanishing into nothing.

“Bella, close your eyes!” His instructions were strong and clear, but my brain didn’t process them fast enough, and then it was too late. He’d already appeared behind James, and had pulled back his fist so far I couldn’t see it. He’d already plunged it straight through James’ middle with a mixture of sharp cracking and crackling sounds as the Thunderpunch tore his flesh open, burned it from the inside, and snapped his spinal column. He’s already ripped a gaping hole in his enemy, and pulled it out again with a swift movement.

The moment his fist left the Sneasel’s body the blood gushed from him like a shaken bottle of fizzy drink. It both spurted and trickled, the result of severing numerous arteries and veins, respectively. Victoria’s face fell, as she looked straight at us through the whole in her partner’s torso. She knelt down beside his mangled body and screeched in pain. Her pain was worse than his, it seemed. Her mate had been ripped open before her very eyes.

I didn’t have time to measure her reaction any more before I was hastily whisked away by the grip of bloody, anxious hands.
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Old 03-22-2009, 10:44 PM
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Default Re: Mother

Chapter VII Cont.

BELLA
Where was he taking me? Where were we headed now that he’d killed James? To Carlisle? What would we do now?

“Damn,” he cursed under his breath. I could understand why we were in such a hurry. I mean, Victoria would want revenge so we’d need to be as far away as possible, but the look on his face now was frightening. He was genuinely worried, like he didn’t actually know what to do.

My feet were barely touching the ground as he continued to drag me through the forest floor at a speed I wouldn’t have thought possible whilst pulling my weight too. What was wrong with him?

“She’s following us already,” he groaned with exasperation and despair, as if he was answering the unheard question in my head. “I can just about make out her footsteps as she lands on the branches. I can’t pinpoint her exact whereabouts, but –“

He was cut short by an unexpected rustling in the tree directly above heads slightly to the right, and we both turned to look. Without warning, a shard of ice silently glided through the air and tore into Jasper’s neck.

I was sure by now what that noise meant. The tearing of material, the ripping sound of a stuffed toy. I didn’t need to look beside me to tell that there was a torn up Pikachu doll lolling around in the dirt in pieces.

It was so dark. I couldn’t see where Jasper had disappeared to. I knew he wouldn’t be too far away, he couldn’t be. He didn’t have enough time to make an escape, did he? He wouldn’t leave me, would he?

There was another rustle, this time to my left, and I looked across to see a string of red tinged pulsing orbs shooting through the air and into the tree where the Ice Shard had originated from. The tree canopy spontaneously combusted into a mess of flames and ash, and Victoria emerged from the treetop before the flickering flames could burn her. She flung herself into the bush where I suspected Jasper had been hiding, and I’d been right about that. Just as she made her landing, he backward somersaulted out of the shrubbery and landed gracefully ten feet in front of me.

Victoria came darting after him, her fists and legs flying out in a rush of jabs and kicks. Jasper blocked them and retaliated with his own, none of his getting through either. It continued like this for around half a minute, nothing really distinguishable other than the blurry flurry of yellow and white which were their limbs. I didn’t understand how they could move so quickly under such pressure. If it were me in there, I would have given up by now.

Something changed in there, though. Victoria’s legs slowed to a stop, but the rate at which her arms flew out increased drastically. She began to aggressively swing them out in a blind rage, her lightning fast swipes barely being dodged and blocked by Jasper each time. Her Fury Swipes was getting stronger with every swing, and my Jasper was beginning to look like he was loosing control. The odd one or two began to slip through his defenses, countless minor grazes covering his lemon yellow skin. He winced as they scraped at him like razor blades. Her final swipe was tinged magenta, and sizzled with toxins as she plunged her Poison Jab into his neck.

I inhaled sharply, as I couldn’t gasp, while I watched Jasper get sent flying across the forest and hit a tree before sinking to the ground. The landing sound was different. I was more gentle, like a toy, not like a body.

The Pikachu doll stared lifelessly back at me, a hole gaping in its neck where the Poison Jab had connected, purple toxins bubbling around the edge of it.

Victoria eyed it up suspiciously, unsure of Jasper’s location now. Perhaps she heard his panting, because her head snapped to glare at one of the trees. After a brief moment, there was still nothing, so she stopped concentrating on it. But it was only that moment that Jasper needed.

A rope of grass reared up its head like a snake and coiled itself around Victoria’s left ankle. It was too dark to tell where the trail of rope was coming from, for me anyway. I’d bet it was the same for her too. She gasped in horror and attempted to hold her ground when the Grass Knot began to tug at her with surprising strength. She dug her heels into the dirt, stirring up a little dust, before realising it was too strong. It started to drag her a little to the left, and she began to panic.

Where was Jasper actually hiding? I couldn’t see any trace of him anywhere, although I was sure my eyesight wasn’t as good as hers, but still. He was doing a good job. Maybe he could end this now by snapping her neck like he did with Xeno?

No, that wasn’t possible, as Victoria had opened her mouth and breathed a chilling air across the grass rope and frozen it completely still. Her face lit up into a smug grin as she plunged her purple-glowing claw into it. It shattered, like a window, into a thousand tiny shards mixed in with shreds of grass.

Damn, she’d beaten out that Grass Knot. Perhaps Jasper had underestimated her?

No, he wouldn’t do that. He was too smart to make that mistake, right?

She cupped her palms together, dark matter quickly forming into a ball between them. It started to crackle, just like Jasper’s Thunderpunch, with small black sparks jumping and dancing around it. The ball increased in size, before it was roughly the same as a basketball. She paused, her face portraying the concentration she was exerting. Her eyes scanned the forest for any sign of where Jasper was.

He stepped out from behind the tree where his Substitute had landed, and the sphere had already left her hands. Man, she had an amazing reaction speed! It shot through the air like a bullet, but it merely passed through Jasper like a ghost. Like in the cave, he flickered and disappeared.

My entire body relaxed with relief – it hadn’t even occurred to me before that my muscles were so tense with anxiety. It seemed like her attacks were so strong he had no choice but to be extremely cautious and evade every one of them. Even her Shadow Ball tore through his Double Team clone with incredible power.

And then I saw him. He was hurtling straight at her from an incredible height, right from the top of the blazing canopy, which I’d amazingly forgotten about. His tail was glowing a pale creamy-white, and he swung it at her with great force. He must have been riddled with nervousness, however, because he miscalculated his timing, which wasn’t like him at all. He swung too early and missed by just inches. Victoria smirked as his tail passed straight by her head. He pulled back her right claw, and thrust it on his neck. There was a sickening slicing sound, and this time it wasn’t like a doll at all.

The sound was like real skin being split open by a real Shadow Claw attack.

Jasper’s body landed limply beside me, pieces of skin floating down slowly but surely. Before my very eyes was my Jasper, lying in the dirt, blood shooting everywhere from his neck wound, all because of me. I collapsed onto my knees and grabbed his hand.

Don’t leave me, I thought, please don’t leave me. He looked up at me and tried to speak, but all that came out was gurgling. He was choking on his own blood. It made my stomach churn to see him like this. He took his last breath, and then his chest was still and the gurgling silenced.

Behind me, I could hear Victoria snickering quietly to herself.

“That was fun.”

I stood, without telling my body to do so. This was involuntary now. I wanted to stay with Jasper, to lie next to him. I knew that was what I should do. But my body wouldn’t listen to me. I could feel a burning flooding through my body, like nothing I’d ever felt before.

It was called rage.

I could tell she wasn’t expecting me to attack, because when I turned and flung my Bone Club at her head, she only just narrowly dodged it. While she was recovering, I inhaled the deepest breath I’d ever taken. I used the burning I could feel within me as energy to turn my breath into pure fire. Nothing but blistering heat.

I forced it from my mouth, the fountain of flames catching her off guard.

Burn, you *****, burn until the flames have finished with your flesh and lick at nothing but your lifeless bones.

The fury inside me began to morph into something else. I’d never felt such intense emotions before, which only intensified them. When the fury ran out, the flames stopped, and there was a deep ache in my heart. Victoria sank to her knees like I had, her body coated in blisters and burns.

I felt nothing but grief and sadness.

Were my emotions supposed to change this quickly? Was this what happened when I let go of myself? When I relied on Marowak for power?

The longing in my heart… The longing to be with him, to be with Jasper, was overwhelming. At the same time, I still wanted her to rot in the fiery pits of hell for all eternity for what she’d done to me.

Why not kill two birds with one stone?

This sorrow inside me, I could control it. I could channel it into something more. Something I could use.

I made a sound. It was nothing I’d ever done before. The wailing that left my mouth got louder and louder before it became screeching and shrieking. Victoria flailed about on the ground, and I fell to the floor too. This Perish Song was like nothing I’d ever felt. The power that Marowak could grant me was unreal. I could make sounds.

My heartbeat was slowing. Good. If it stopped, then I could be with Jasper again. I carried on, not caring about what it did to Victoria anymore. I wanted it to end my life. I wanted it to take me to Jasper.

I wanted to hold to his hand. I wanted to touch his face. I wanted to put my lips to his.

I wanted to say his name. I wanted to speak it before my heart would stop beating.

Now I had the power to say it. My first word, my last word, my only word that I would ever utter in this life. The only word I would ever want to leave my lips.

“Jasper.”
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Last edited by Mitsuzo-kun; 07-02-2009 at 09:26 PM. Reason: YES I FIX TYPOS EVEN AFTER IM DONE WITH THE STORY
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  #13  
Old 03-22-2009, 10:47 PM
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Default Re: Mother

Pokemon Aiming For: Sneasel, Pikachu + Cubone
Characters Needed: 40k+
Characters Achieved: 49,237
Notes: I'd write something more than this, but I'm absolutely exhausted, have a headache, and need some sleep. This is my longest piece of writing ever.

Oh, and this is reserved for MK for whenever he grades it. ;D
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  #14  
Old 03-23-2009, 07:52 AM
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Default Re: Mother

OMFG YOU EVIL BOY YOU KILLED 'EM DX Auto-fail.

J/K. :P I'll hopefully have a Grade up soon. If I can't get it during the week, definitely the weekend.

EDIT: OMG Bryce wasn't kidding. xD And my Grades seem much longer in Word. :P

PLOT:

I have to say, I really enjoyed this. The way that everything just seemed to flow from one thing to the next with a moderately fast pace was very high-quality, yet at the same time there wasn’t anywhere where I thought ‘Wow, slow down, this just happened, now this, what’s going on?’ which was a good thing. Only one thing disrupted the flow for me, and that was Carlisle saying ‘Oh, by the way, Bella’s a mute’. It was the way that it looked like he just said it ‘as a matter-of-factly’. But you definitely got right back on track with the story, so it’s no biggie.

Also, while this was quite an original plot in a way, it did sort of remind me of PMD when you have to go to Ninetales to ask if you’re the Pokémon from the legend, but the nice twist with Esme being in league with Laurent was creative.

There is just one thing I would’ve liked to have seen and that’s some background information on Carlisle and Jasper. I imagined Carlisle to be a seer of some sort and Jasper to be his apprentice. I don’t know if that’s what you imagined them, but I’m just saying, that would’ve cleared that up. ^^;

INTRODUCTION:

I guess this was, in a way, quite eerie, in a good way, though. All that it was was Carlisle explaining Jasper’s quest to him and Bella, yet the long explanations that hardly said anything and Bella’s reaction to being told that the Marowak spirit was going to be killed made it seem like it was actually happening in real time. I could really imagine how tense the atmosphere must have been, especially with Carlisle having to be provoked for more.

But I can definitely say this kept me hooked, as many AIM conversations of me pestering you to finish it prove. xD Good job here.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:

There were hardly any mistakes at all and even if there were, they were obviously just one-offs. I’ll still show a couple, though…

Quote:
NARATOR
It’s spelled double ‘r’, ‘Narrator’.

Quote:
He was genuinelt worried
Pretty sure you meant ‘genuinely’ :P

That’s basically it, really; it’s just a matter of proofreading work closely so as to not let those tiny mistakes slip through. Apart from those select few, though, you were perfect in this section. :D

LENGTH:

As you pointed out, it could’ve been a bit longer, but it was good for now and I have no complaints

DETAIL/DESCRIPTION:

Your description of things was just fantastic. You really do have a way of detailing even the finest points of this story. Also, with the major points which you’d be expected to elaborate on, you gave very, for lack of a better word, graphic descriptions, which, while it made me shudder with disgust at Jasper and Victoria’s brutality, really brought the story alive. I could see everything as it was described and you didn’t forget to describe Pokémon and moves which gets you extra Brownie points :P

I’ve never had to say this before, but I found it amazing how well you managed to show the loving bond between Jasper and Bella. The fact that she was willing to die just to be with him and also that her first, last, and only word was his name was a really powerful ending to the story that, to be honest, left me shocked that it had ended.

You also included senses other than sight, which was good. My only advice is to keep using them, really. You could try and incorporate taste into your stories, as that is quite a challenge when you’ve not planned them to eat anything. But, when you smell something, sometimes you get a taste of it too, so when Xeno was burned, maybe Bella would spit to try and rid her mouth of the foul taste? I’m just suggesting here and I hope I’m making sense, but either way, you were terrific in this section.

BATTLE:

I have one word:

OMFG

Ok that’s four, but you get what I mean. :P Linking in with the Description section, this was clearly described and I could visualise every move. Both battles were also very double sided and Bella’s rage at the end was great.

However, I thought that the fact that Jasper used Substitute three times in the second battle worked both with you and against you. It worked against you because it made it look like you were trying to lengthen the battle with random stalling, but it was good because it made it an even bigger shock when Jasper was finally struck down.

Also, I liked how the battle with Xeno was included into the story. It didn’t seem like you included it in just for some extra characters, because the reason behind it was explained and was logical as well; of course, when escorting someone who seems to be very widely spoken about by people, you’re going to encounter enemies you didn’t anticipate, so that was good.

I’ve not really got anything to say here apart from well done and maybe a little longer possessive battle next time, k? ^^

OUTCOME:

Well, this certainly was a story that I enjoyed reading and was obviously well planned out. I skimmed over your previous Grade and you’ve definitely improved in your abilities. The only hesitation I have in writing a pass is that I don’t wanna be responsible for killing Bella and Jasper. Victoria can go burn in Hell for all I care xD

Well… I suppose they have to be together, alive or not. All three mons Captured!

Just remember the things I mentioned for future stories. And remember to proofread ‘till your eyes have memorised every single word of the story! Mistakes do not deserve to be a part of a story like this!

Have fun with your Pikachu, Cubone and Sneasel! :D
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  #15  
Old 03-23-2009, 07:18 PM
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Default Re: Mother

Thanks MK. <3

I had a lot of fun writing this, and I can definitely see the improvement compared to my old fail stories. Thank you for putting up with me pestering (;P) and for grading so quickly. The repeated Substituting by Jasper was meant to show how fragile he was and how he couldn't afford to take a hit, but ehh, I guess I didn't put it across well enough. I'm glad you liked it, and thanks again for the Pogeys! ^_^
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