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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-08-2008, 02:28 PM
suzyK's Avatar
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Default My Boring Life as a Pokemon Trainer

A/N: Ok, so it probably won't be my best work. This is my first story, so as people say 'be nice plz kthnxbai'. It's in first person, because sometimes my writing messes up when I do stories in third person/third person limited. If it's against the rules, might as well lock it. My mom's laptop doesn't have MSWord/any kind of Word program at all, so that sucks. Tell me if it's too short and I'll edit it. Thank you. And no, I am not putting an accent on the 'e' on Pokemon, because it is a made up word. So there.
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My Boring life as a Pokemon Trainer

1. Enter the Trainer

With my shoulders slumped, I walk through Route 202 slowly. I keep on the side without the grass. The sun beats down on me like an angry person. It's the middle of June, and I am not exactly happy. Ever since my parents had forced me to go on a 'Pokemon' journey (just because I'm really lazy and I'm a 'delinquent'), my life hasn't been that great. I started yesterday, and I'm 8 meters away from home. My legs are killing me.
That, and my starter, an cynical Glameow, seems to hate me. When I let it out, it actually tried to scratch me. I guess I'm just not a Pokemon magnet. Because all, and I mean all Pokemon seem to hate me when they see me. Maybe it's my hair. Or maybe my clothes. I will never know.

Actually, I'm not that great looking either. I wish I was. Right now, I'm wearing my 'Gothic Lolita' dress I got from some old Victorian store (in Johto, it's supposed to be the new cool style), my old beat up knee-high boots I wear for almost every occasion, and a pair of black and gray hand warmers that are really killing me. It's extremely hot outside, but my mother wanted me to take a jacket anyways. Instead, I convinced her that I could live with a pair of hand warmers. Yeah. It sounds stupid now, but it's the middle of summer here in Sinnoh, and no way am I going to melt to death in a jacket.

As for my bodily looks, I have normal blue eyes made cyan thanks to my contacts. I dyed my hair a light blue too. Otherwise I have mousy-brown colored hair. Caucasian skin, since I'm not exactly Asian, even though my dad is half Asian. So I'm a hybrid.

Enough with looks. What I really have to concentrate on is getting my starter to actually like me. I want to catch another Pokemon, which will hopefully be a Shinx. Ever since I was a little kid, I've been infatuated with cool looking Pokemon. Those included Salamence, Milotic, Dragonite, Luxray and Purugly. Which is why I begged for a Glameow as a starter. Might as well start out with a Pokemon you like if you're forced to be a trainer, I say. My parents, of course, agreed heartily. What they really wanted me to do is start a journey, they could care less about the starter. I'm guessing they wanted me to go on and become a trainer because I was a total burn-out at the old and crappy Pokemon school they used to send me to. Definition of a burn-out: a person who pulls pranks and stuff for fun. They don't care what other people think of them.

That's me. If anyone insulted me, I'd probably laugh about it and tell it to the whole school. I was pretty popular in that school. Everyone nice was my friend, I protected the Pokemon nerds from the bullies, I was the peace maker of the school. Even the principal liked me. So I played a few pranks here and there, I put a Groudon mask on the founder's fountain outside. It was all in good fun. Someone triple dog dared me, I couldn't back out. So basically, I got expelled and my parents got mad at me and sentenced me for a life as a Pokemon trainer. Not very fun. For me. I must've said that a million times already.

I keep walking till I reach a small patch of grass which looks pretty isolated. What the heck, might as well catch a Pokemon.

Knowing very well that Glameow probably won't listen to me, I proceed anyways. Here we go again. That's a name of a song. I crack myself up.

So I'm running around the grass like a loony, hoping to find something, when my foot suddenly makes contact with a soft, but staticy body. I fall flat on my face. Oomph.

That hurt. A lot.

"Shinx! Shiiiinnxxxx!" Something growls threateningly at me. Oh boy. I quickly get up and wipe the mud off my face. Alright, now we're talking. A Shinx.

I send out Glameow. Glameow stares at me passively, as if saying 'What the heck could be so important that it interrupted my beauty nap?' I glare at Glameow. I think I've had enough of it's aristocratic behavior.

"Glameow, use scratch on Shinx!" I order in a loud, clear voice as Professor Rowan told me to.

Glameow yawns, and stretches lazily. It waggles it's tail at me, and that just manages to anger me more. Shinx stares at us, clearly confused. Kind of makes me want to laugh.

"Meow!" Finally, that stupid cat gets it's butt into action. Glameow dashes at it's opponent quickly and delivers a scratch to Shinx's face.

"Shiiinnnxxx..." Shinx looks like it's has half it's health left. Quicker than I can see, Shinx tackles Glameow to the ground. Glameow struggles to get up.

Maybe if you actually tried befriending Glameow, it would be stronger, the annoying voice in my head tells me. Ah, shut up.

Glameow is back up, and is waiting for a command. Drat. "Glameow, a tackle, but not too hard," I say. "We want to get it to a little HP so I can catch it."

Surprisingly, Glameow listens to me. It tackles Shinx, but not very hard. Must be at a quarter of it's health. Shinx is now on it's back, looking kind of dazed.

I take advantage of this opportunity and throw one of my five Pokeballs at Shinx.

It engulfs Shinx in a red light, and falls on to the ground with a soft thud. Then, the red light starts to flash.

1, 2, 3 and...
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This is my first URPG/Roleplaying thingy ever. I've written fanfics, but they're not vividly descriptive. Sorry if this one isn't that descreptive either. I hope it makes sense. Like I've said before, I fail at being creative. Yeah, it's wayyyy too short. @.@
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Last edited by suzyK; 03-09-2008 at 08:47 PM.
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  #2  
Old 04-12-2008, 07:06 AM
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Default Re: My Boring Life as a Pokemon Trainer

Looks like I'll e grading this
EDIT: From a Nana fan, here's your grade :p

Story: So, this girl starts out her journey. Basic story, only this was different. She totally hates it. Her parents forced her to start this journey because she got expelled from her Pokemon School, so she asked one of her favourite pokemon as starter and went off. On her way to the next town, she finds a patch of grass and looks for a Pokemon.

If I were the Shinx, I'd be rather angry if someone walked over me. But well, it is your story. For a simple story, it was... fine. But don't you think this can work at higher levels. The background of Suzy(I assume your character is names suzy, am I wrong?) is nice, not everyone thinks about things like that.

However, you should've focused a little more on description. So, we know she's in Sinnoh, but from which city is she? You say she's walking Route 202, but it can actually take to 2 cities. Even through I doubt somebody would go from Jubilife to Sandgem, there is still a possibility.

Also, using the present in the story makes it look... well, kind of strange. It's nice. To me it feels like I'm reading some kind of diary the girl is writing moment by moment. But generally, stories have to be written using the past of verbs.

If I have to say, your style is similiar to mine. You could do so much better with a little more confidence and less laziness :p

Detail/Description:
You skipped the surroundings, the battle description[even if they were 2 basic attacks, heh], the Pokemon's looks. Basically, everything. But the little you described was very nice. You have a very unique way of describing in my opinion, and that's good. You should only focus on more things than yourself ;p

Grammar/Spelling: Some minor errors, let's see them:
Quote:
an cynical Glameow,
Why did you put an here? There is no word that start with a vowel around... it should be "a cynical glameow,"

Other than that, i can't find anything else... not like I'm really looking. Those errors are not very important, but they tend to count if add up. Which doesn't happen in this story.

Length: 5100, or so. Which, technically speaking, is enough. But it makes me feel very bad when somebody barely writes enough. It looks rushed to me.

Battle: A whopping total of 2 attacks from glameow to almost faint Shinx. Definitely not enough. I doubt Glameow can be so strong to beat a wild Shinx with a Scratch and a tackle. Definitely not enough.

Outcome: Usually, I have high standards. Btu counting this is your first story and you seem to have some skills, Shinx caught. Have fun.
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Last edited by DarkGardevoir; 04-12-2008 at 08:38 AM.
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