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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 04-12-2008, 10:53 PM
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Default Jack's Quest

This was originally designed to only be a three chapter story but the feedback was so good and I enjoyed writing it so much I've lengthened it into a fullfledged adventure fic. Feedback and rating is much appreciated since this is my first true fic. Hope you enjoy




Ch. 1.) The Beginning

It was daybreak on Cinnabar Island. The sun had just risen and the pidgey and tailow had just begun to stir. There was a small home on the east coast of the island where everyone appeared to be sleeping. Suddenly there was a large crash from deep inside the home.

“Crap…” a boy with messy dark hair muttered. The boy himself had woken up at the crack of dawn to get ready for his trip to Pallet Town and was quite frankly making a mess of things. In desperate search for clothes he had accidentally pulled down a set of shelves.

“JACK! WHY MUST YOU DEPRIVE ME OF SLEEP?” yelled a tired, middle aged woman from another bedroom. The woman attempted to stay angry at the boy but couldn’t force herself to. “He is going to become trainer today after all. He has every right to be excited.” She thought to herself as she rolled out of bed. “Just like his father…” she said to herself. Once the woman was dressed she walked down the hall and looked into her son’s bedroom. He was pulling a red vest on over a black shirt.

“Hey mom…” The boy said sheepishly “I didn’t mean to wake you this morning.” His mom nodded with understanding. The boy smiled and then grabbed a belt off the dresser and fastened it around his waist.

“Sooooooooo…when are we heading out?” Jack asked his mother.

“Do you need Breakfast?”

"Nah I’m fine Mom. I’d rather get a move on.”

“Well if you’re sure.” The woman then moved across the room and hugged the boy. “Just don’t grow up too much while you’re gone.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Professor Oak was busily working in his lab on a bright sunny morning. Happily humming some miscellaneous tune he trotted across the room to open up a window. Once he reached the pane of glass he stopped. Just making ground on the south coast of the island was a woman and a boy atop a huge blue tortoise, with what appeared to be cannons coming out of its shell.

“Hmmmm…a Blastoise coming from Cinnabar…”The professor said aloud “That can only be Stan’s wife and son.”

The gray haired professor took his white lab coat off, cleaned his glasses, and walked outside to greet the visitors.

“Ahhh April it’s so good to see you and is this Jack? Last I saw him he was this big.” The professor held out his hand to shake the young boy’s hand.

“It’s wonderful to see you again.” Said the boy’s mom.

The woman returned the Blastoise to a pokeball on her hip and then she and her son followed the professor into the lab. The lab was covered in vials of odd liquids and machines making various noises. Oddly the professor led them past all the weird equipment and into a relatively plain room. It had a computer at the back of the room a steel set of drawers and a single table with three pokeballs setting on it in the middle of the room.

“Now Jack to begin your adventure I must set you off with a pokemon” began the professor “Inside each one of these pokeballs is a pokemon. On the left we have the fiery, brave Charmander. In the middle we have the bubbly, loyal Squirtle, and on the far right we have the grassy, kind Bulbasaur.”

The boy thought long and hard. “Mom started out with a Squirtle and look how powerful her Blastoise is” he thought. “And Dad started out with a Bulbasaur and look how respected he is but neither one seem right for me.” The boy sat and thought for a few moments more and then finally settled. “I’ll take the Charmander.” He concluded.

“Ahhh excellent choice young Jack.” Said the professor and his mother beamed. “Now Jack in exchange for this Pokemon I need you to do something for me.”

“Yes professor?”

"It has long since been my goal to catalogue each and every pokemon that has ever existed into a catalogue” the professor began walking over to the steel drawers “This is what we call a Pokedex. It automatically records data on any and all pokemon you encounter. If you travel far and wide eventually it should fill up” The professor pulled out a red object that looked vaguely like Nintendo DS and handed it to Jack “I’m entrusting you with this goal in hopes that you will solve some secrets of the Pokemon world. Good luck Jack.” The professor reached out and shook Jack’s hand and soon after his mom cam over and hugged him.

“Well I guess I’d better head off.” Jack said to his mother and the professor and quickly walked out the door eager to start his journey.
After Jack had walked a few feet out the door he decided to let his Charmander out for a walk. He unhinged the pokeball at his belt and pressed the catch button. A huge white light exploded and suddenly in its place stood a small orange lizard with a flame at the end of its tail. “Well now Charmander should we head towards Viridian City?” The little lizard nodded its head eager to start a journey with its new trainer. The duo had walked a while when it began to get dark. “We better hurry Charmander. We don’t wanna be stuck out in the wild at dark.” Charmander nodded in agreement and held its tail out in front to give them light to see by.

“Hand it over!” yelled a voice from somewhere in the dark. Jack wheeled to see who it was.

“What?” Jack asked in response as Charmander walked to his side.

"Hand over your Pokemon now or face dire consequences.” The voice’s body suddenly came into view. It was an oddly tall man He was bald but had piercing dark eyes like a shark’s. He was wearing a silver full length trench coat with a large A on the front. “I would hate to have to hurt you or you Pokemon should you not comply.”

To be continued...

Last edited by miler567; 05-25-2008 at 04:51 AM.
  #2  
Old 04-12-2008, 11:01 PM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

This has certian ring to it...:|
I'm neautral.
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  #3  
Old 04-13-2008, 01:46 AM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Hmmm..I can't really say much about this fic yet, it seems a bit everyday as far as plot goes. Maybe if you add a bit more depth about his parents and his past it might take a step up from the common plotline :).
Knowing the parents pokemon is a a good thing, add more to that idea :D!
What you want to do is have the reader get to know the character and feel for them. Right now I don't feel as if I know what kind of person the main character is, other than the fact he likes fire pokemon .
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  #4  
Old 04-13-2008, 01:48 AM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Yeah...you should work on your dialogue and formatting.
I caught a few spelling mistakes too.

As for the story, it really is a cliche and people might not bother to read it.
Needs much more desciption and a better sense of describing things.

You should take a look here to help get you started.
http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/foru...ead.php?t=8501

Keep up your work.
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  #5  
Old 04-13-2008, 02:54 AM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Thanks for all the help. Hopefully my next chapter will be much improved
  #6  
Old 04-14-2008, 02:08 AM
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Post Re: Jack's Quest

Ch. 2 Early Turmoil

"You're crazy if you think I'm just gonna hand over Charmander!" Jack yelled at the man. Charmander nodded and sunk into a fighting pose ready to defend itself.

The man's eyes narrowed. "Well if you insist on doing things the hard way..." The man pulled a pokeball out from under his coat. It was unlike any other pokeball Jack had ever seen. It was jet black and had odd red lights eminating from silver bars located just around the release button. The man threw the pokeball high into the air "GO PUPITAR!!!"

A silver cocoon shaped pokemon with spikes around its face emerged. "I already know about these. Dad trained one just before we lost contact..." Jack thought to himself.

"Pupitar use screech!" The Pupitar let out a high pitched noise which caught Charmandar off guard. " Now Pupitar use slam!"

The Pupitar flew through the air on a collision course with the small fire pokemon. Jack was frozen and couldn't make a command. Luckily, his Charmander was quick on its feet and lept out of the way. Charmander nimbly landed on its feet and turned towards Jack for a command.

"Charmander! Fire punch!" Charmander jumped up into the air as a small ball of fire formed around its clenched fist. The Pupitar attempted to evade the attack but wasn't quite quick enough to roll out of the way. Charmander's fire punch landed directly in its side.

"Your a fool if you thought that puny attack would hurt my Pupitar." and sure enough as the man said that Pupitar rolled back up unscathed from the attack.

"Finish this now Pupitar. Hyper Beam!" A huge beam of golen light shot from one of the points on Pupitar's spiked face.

"Charmander use agiltiy to dodge the attack!" Charmander's whole body turned white and he leapt with extraordianary speed out of the way. The hyper beam flew under Charmander and collided with a nearby tree, destroying the tree's base.

The tree fell, narrowly missing Pupitar. The branches were splayed everywhere and Pupitar was surrounded.

"Charmander use flamethrower to catch the tree on fire!" Charmander spewed a huge stream of molten hot fire onto the trees branches and trunk. The whole thing was up in flames in seconds.

The Pupitar was drained of energy from its hyper beam and was unable to escape the blaze.

"Pupitar return..." the man help out the black pokeball and a beam of red light engulfed Pupitar. "So you think I'm licked just because you took out my Pupitar? You must not realize how powerful Team Alpha is."

The man threw a new black pokeball from his belt. A huge brown bird with a long thin beak emerged from it. Jack had no idea what this pokemon was so he consulted the pokedex:

Fearow, the Beak Pokemon. Its huge and magnificent wings can keep it aloft in the sky. It can remain in the sky for a whole day without landing. Its beak is used for both hunting and fighting. The beak itself has an extremely long reach so approach with caution.

"You heard it Charmander. Stay out of reach of Fearow's beak but stay on tthe offensive." Charmander didn't need to be told twice. The little Pokemon shot a burst a fire at the large bird Pokemon and then promptly jumped backwards to increse the distance between it and Fearow.

"Fearow, Drill peck!" The giant bird flew high into the sky until it was invisible because of the night sky. Suddenly it came hurtling straight toward the hurth in a spral motion.

"Charmander Agility!" The move was almost too late the majority of Charmander got out of the way but its tail didn't quite make it. Charmander let out a cry of pain.

"We can end this now, boy, if you'll just turn over your pathetic Pokemon. No one else will have to get hurt."

Jack had finally had enough. "I'd rather die then turn my Pokemon over to someone like you! Charmander use ember on the man not the Fearow!"

Charmander let lose a fury of fiery sparks all over the strange man. He roared in pain. "YOU"VE DONE IT NOW! FEAROW ATTACK THE LITTLE BASTARD AND DON'T LET UP UNTIL I SAY!"

The Fearow nodded and began attacking Charmander with its long beak. The assault lasted several minutes with Charmander unable to escape. Finally Fearow had Charmander backed up to the flaming trap created for Pupitar.

The tall man wiped his sweating brow and grinned. "Its all over now. We have you were we want. If you wish for Charmander to remain unscathed you will give him to me. Its on your hands."

"NEVER!" Jack bellowed. Jack picked up a nearby rock and flung it at the man. It hit dead center causing the man's lip to bleed.

"I GROW TIRED OF YOUR INSOLENCE! FEAROW YOU FINISH OFF THE LITTLE PEST AND I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE TRAINER!"

Fearow reared its head back ready to finish Charmander off with its large beak. "NO!" Jack darted between the large bird and his only pokemon and took the attack for it. The huge beak sunk deep into the right side of Jack's chest.

"You fool," said the man "You're not going to give me the pleasure of finishing you off. Nonetheless I'll make sure this mess is cleaned up. Fearow you finish off the runt," Then the man reached under his coat and pulled out another black pokeball "Houndour I want you to make sure that boy doesn't get back up."

Everthing was moving rather slowly for Jack. He saw Charmander helplessly trying to defend itself from the attacking Fearow. He saw a small black dog explode from the pokeball teeth barred ready to finish up what Fearow had started and worst of all he saw the tall man step over the burning tree and escape into the darkness. "He got away" Jack thought miserably.

The Houndour was almost to him. Jack was in no shape to defend himself and was losing blood quickly. His only hope was to fling one of his pokeballs and hopefully trap the Houndour. Jack weakly threw a pokeball in the dog's general direction. He tried to see how Charmander was doing but his blood loss was too much. Everything went dark and Jack passed out.

To be continued...

Last edited by miler567; 05-24-2008 at 11:39 PM.
  #7  
Old 04-14-2008, 09:37 AM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Well, that was better.

You need to go back and fix some mistakes. The battle could have used more descibing, and a longer length would have been good.

It's getting better, but still has a cliche ring to it.
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Old 04-14-2008, 09:04 PM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Dude your story is straight beast don't change a think i like shorter chapter becuase i get borad easily but i was good trust me
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Old 04-14-2008, 09:14 PM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

That was awsome! So much better!
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Old 04-15-2008, 01:10 AM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Ch.3) What Happened?

After a long rest Jack’s eyes finally fluttered open. Up above him he saw a solid white ceiling with bright lights. He tilted his head over to the side and saw a pure white curtain and several machines.

“Where am I and why do I have such a splitting headache?” Jack asked himself. He lay back down onto the soft pillow and attempted to recollect what had happened.

Suddenly a big pink head appeared above him. “Chansey!” Jack was so startled he attempted to roll out of his bed. Searing pain ripped through his chest and shoulder and he immediately lay back down.

“You should really take it easy.” Said a nurse walking over to tend to Jack. She had bright pink hair and a white nurse’s uniform adorned with a red cross. “You had quite the puncture wound there not to mention the bites all up and down your arm.”

For the first time Jack noticed several bruises all over his forearm. “I assume these were from the Houndour?”

“No I don’t believe so. According to the Cerulean paramedics you were being attacked by Mightyena when they arrived on the scene.” The nurse then turned away and began rooting around for some thing in a steel drawer. “You’re quite lucky, you know? Had it not been for that fire no one would’ve ever arrived on the site.”

It all started to come back to Jack now. The fire, the battle, and the man. “Were any of my things recovered?”

The nurse turned around and opened a compartment. “Some things were. Just a single pokeball, a pokedex, and an empty knapsack.” The nurse handed Jack his things.

“So my pokemon is okay?” Jack picked up the pokeball and looked at it.

“Oh yes. He was completely unharmed. We already did a full check-up and he’s in fighting shape.”

Jack couldn’t help but smile. “Thank god. I was afraid I had lost Charmander for good.” Jack pressed the release button and the white light erupted from the pokeball.

Jack expected to see a small orange lizard but in its place stood a small black dog-like pokemon. Jack was bewildered. “Where’s my Charmander?”

“Charmander? The only pokemon found near you was this Houndour.” The nurse gave Jack a funny look. “Is this not your Houndour?”

The Houndour looked up at Jack. He half expected it to bite him but there was only a look of curiosity in his eyes. “No its mine…” Jack didn’t really want to go into details about the night before “But there was a Charmander with me also.”

The nurse looked concerned. “Do you have any idea where it could’ve gone? I wouldn’t recommend it in your condition but some of the officials are still here. You could go looking for it.”

Jack nodded. He immediately set up and ignored the pain in his shoulder. “I’ve got to go find him. He’s out there I just know it.”

The nurse was very understanding. “I’ll go down and let one the officials know about your circumstances.”

Jack pulled a pair of faded jeans on and pulled a blue polo over his head. He ran his fingers through his hair. He picked up his pokedex and threw it into the knapsack. He then picked his new Houndour’s pokeball up off the bed.

“Would you like to hang with me from now on Houndour?” The Houndour walked over to him and set at his feet. “Alright then. First we need to go find Charmander though.” Jack held out the pokeball and returned Houndour. He clipped the ball to his belt and then walked out of the hospital room.

A gruff man in a police uniform walked up to him. He was tall, broad shouldered, and sported a bristly mustache. “Nurse Joy told me a young boy needed help finding his pokemon. Are you Jack?”

“Yes sir. I last saw Charmander approximately 5 miles outside of Viridian City.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack and the police officer were searching all throughout the woods. “Son I have seen neither hide nor hair of a Charmander. I’m fixing to have to pack up.”

Jack ignored the police officer and continued searching. It was impossible to pick out any landmarks. The blaze had destroyed the majority of the trees and grass. Jack was beginning to realize that Charmander had probably run into the trees.

“I’m going to check in the woods. I understand if you want to go but I’m going to keep searching.” Jack then pulled a pokeball off his belt. He was going to need some help.

“Go Houndour!” The small dog pokemon looked up at Jack waiting for a command. “I think the police officer is going to head back into town and I can’t search alone. I need you to help me look through these woods.” Houndour nodded and took off through the underbrush.

“Well son I believe I need to get back into Viridian. Good luck.” The officer put a large hand on Jack’s shoulder and then marched off.

Jack entered the forest and began looking around. Suddenly something caught Jack’s eye. It was a rather large clearing and there was something lying in the middle of it.

Jack’s heart was caught in his throat. “Could this be Charmander?” he wondered. As he entered the clearing he walked over to the small figure. It was his Charmander he knelt down next to it and tried to rouse it.

“Charmander?” Jack pushed on Charmander’s side “Charmander?” He was getting distressed. Jack looked down and with horror realized that the flame on Charmander’s tail had gone out. Charmander was dead.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack walked out of the Pallet Town pokemon lab with his Houndour by his side. Charmander’s remains would be taken care of Professor Oak. There was a stony silence as the wind blew through the small rural town. “I can’t believe I let my best friend die…”

Jack walked over to a bench facing the sea. As he looked out on the watery plain Jack contemplated what would become of him and his dream of masterhood.

Last edited by miler567; 05-25-2008 at 04:52 AM.
  #11  
Old 04-15-2008, 01:53 AM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Wow. Simple, yet vivid. So sad. So real. So much...
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Old 04-15-2008, 01:54 AM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Wow. Simple, yet vivid. So sad. So real. So much...
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Old 04-15-2008, 01:55 AM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Wow. Simple, yet vivid. So sad. So real. So much...
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Old 04-15-2008, 02:04 AM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Oops, sorry about the triple posting, the computer was acting up.
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Old 04-17-2008, 11:17 PM
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Default Re: Jack's Quest

Ch.4) A New Partner

Jack lay under a tree with Houndour. It was mid-day in Pallet Town and Jack had just got done doing some field work for Professor Oak. It had been 6 months since Jack had given up his hope of being a Pokemon master.

“Well Houndour, I figure we could back to Oak and see if he needs anything.” Jack stood up and dusted off his jeans. Houndour stood up, yawned, and shook the dead grass out of his short black glossy coat. Jack grabbed his things and began to trudge over toward the Pokemon lab. He entered the building and was almost knocked down by a lab assistant rushing out of the door.

“I’m very sorry! We have a small crisis on our hands!” With that the bespectacled assistant burst out of the door and towards Route 1.

Jack turned towards Professor Oak and raised an eyebrow. “What was that about?” Jack set his stuff down on a nearby table and rummaged through his things to grab some of his notes for Professor Oak.

“Actually Professor Pinewood and I were watching an extremely rare group of Chikorita just outside of Route 1. Everything was going well but now they’re slowly disappearing. The original group of 40 has dwindled to about 12.”

Jack walked over to the Professor to hand him his notes on some Eevee he had been watching. “Any ideas why?”

“Well the only clue we have is some odd looking pokeballs,” Professor Oak pulled some pictures out of a desk “As you can see they’re solid black…”

Jack stopped listening to the Professor. His blood ran cold because before Oak had even said a single word Jack knew exactly who was behind the Chikorita. There was only person who would use that kind of Pokeball and it was the man who killed his Charmander.

“I want to go find him Professor. I know exactly who did it and I want to handle it.”

Professor Oak looked up and gave him a funny look. “You said you never wanted to fight with Pokemon again. Does this mean you’re going to become a trainer again?”

“No, I’ve already told you I’m done with that quest. This is just one last thing I need to do before I become a full fledged aide to you. Come on Houndour.” Jack walked out the door with Houndour by his side and out into Pallet Town.

“Oak said everything was happening on Route 1 so I assume that’s where we should go.” Jack looked down at Houndour and Houndour looked back. Jack could tell Houndour was ready to go on an adventure and together they set out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack and Houndour were perched in a blind just outside of the grassy area of route 1. The professor from the lab had left the field long ago deciding that whoever had been stealing the Chikorita weren’t going to show up. Jack was not so naive.

“Are you ready to fight just in case Houndour?” Houndour looked up and grunted in assurance. “This could potentially be Houndour’s first battle,” Jack thought to himself “Sure he’s fought wild pokemon but nothing of this caliber…”

Suddenly a strange man wandered into the field with some sort of cannon tucked under his arm. This was obviously the man that had been stealing the Chikorita but it wasn’t who Jack expected. This man wore the same silver trench coat but he wasn’t bald. Instead he had long black hair pulled back into a ponytail.

Jack tore out of the blind followed closely by Houndour. “Stop now!!!” Jack skidded to a stop as Houndour bounded in front ready to battle.

‘Who are you?” The man pulled a pokeball out from under his coat. “As if it matters. Go Raticate!”

A large rat exploded from the pokeball. It was covered in tan fur and stood on two legs. Jack pulled out his Pokedex:

Raticate the mouse pokemon. It whittles its constantly growing fangs by gnawing on hard things. It can chew apart cinder walls. Its super fang attack is quite formidable.

“Alright Houndour lets start this. Use bite.” Houndour lunged fangs bared at the Raticate. He got a good mouthful of Raticate’s tail and hung on for dear life.

“Raticate use seismic toss to throw the pipsqueak off!” Raticate jumped into the air and swung his tail directly at the ground. Houndour lost his grip and was sent flying into the ground. The dog found the surface of the earth with a bone shattering collision. Dust kicked up everywhere and Jack lost sight of Houndour.

“My, my that was over quickly. It was rather silly of you to challenge an Alpha elite such as me. You should have known better child.”

“You don’t have much faith in my Houndour do you? Houndour stay in the dust so Raticate can’t see you.” Houndour barked to let Jack know he got his order.

“Raticate use focus energy, wait for Houndour to appear, and then use super fang!” Raticate stepped back from the dust he had created and began to charge up energy.

“Houndour jump out of the dust and use flamethrower!” Houndour jumped straight up into the air with a huge ball of fire in its mouth. Once he found Raticate he let loose a huge stream of fire. It hit Raticate head on and the giant rat got knocked into the grass.

“Raticate won’t go down so easily. Raticate submission!” Raticate went running full speed at Houndour picked it up and threw it into a nearby tree. Houndour appeared down and out.

“Houndour get up I know you’ve got some more left in you!” Houndour shakily got up on all fours wincing in pain. “Houndour finish this! Fire Spin!” A huge arc of fire came spewing from Houndour’s mouth and created a vortex around the Raticate. The Raticate screeched in pain and once the fire spin let up, lay sprawled on the ground unconscious.

“Pathetic pokemon…Handle this!” The Alpha elite pulled another pokeball off his belt and Jack was horrified.

“Houndour can’t last through another battle. He’s drained from the first one.” Jack looked over at the little dog who was panting out of sheer exhaustion. “This can’t be happening again…”

The elite started to throw the second pokeball when suddenly a vine whip shot up and knocked the ball away. “What the…?” Jack looked down and saw a little green pokemon standing on all fours with a large leaf protruding from its forehead. It was a Chikorita.

“Stupid little pests... doesn’t mater anyway seeing as the boss already got what he needed out of the first batch I brought in. They’re caged up just outside of Viridian City if you want them.” Then the elite pulled a little silver pellet off his belt and flung it at the ground. There was a large crack and then purple smoke spewed all over the place. By the time the smoke cleared the man had vanished.

“Well it’s too bad he got away…” Jack looked over and saw his tired Houndour trotting over to him “You probably need a break don’t you?” Jack pulled Houndour’s pokeball off his belt and shot a stream of pure red energy at the dog. Houndour disappeared into the pokeball.

Jack started to walk back towards Pallet Town to let Professor Oak know that the Chikorita were safe when he felt a tug at the hem of his jeans. He looked down and saw the Chikorita that had saved the day was trying to get his attention. “Do you want to travel with me little guy?” The Chikorita chirped happily. Jack threw out a pokeball and it landed at the grass pokemon’s feet. Chikorita hit the catch button with his leaf and disappeared in a flash of white light. The ball rocked once, twice, and then PING! Chikorita was caught.

Jack happily picked up Chikorita’s pokeball. He couldn’t help but smile as he headed back toward Pallet Town. Maybe his dream of becoming a master wasn’t quite done yet.

Last edited by miler567; 05-24-2008 at 11:48 PM.
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