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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 06-06-2009, 07:39 PM
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Default Search For A Story

Prologue

Master Bates Library, the go-to place for the week. A poster hangs on the wall, inviting young readers in. This week is Meet the Author Week. MAW is a monthly occurence, usually full of authors forced to do community service. Most good authors are busy working on their next story. So then, why I am here? Writer's Block is a pain in the Feebas.

I sat behind a mahogany desk with a pile of books to my left, a bulletin board introducing me to my right, dozens of eager fans and a pen in the middle. I spent several hours signing my name. Nobody asked me what my next book would be. I am more disappointed in myself than my fans. I had no idea what to write next. But still, I promised sixteen stories to my publisher before I could retire. I had a long way to go, seeing as I was signing copies of the fifth book I've ever written.

Over the weekend, I stayed in my vacation home in the Resort Area. Of course, with a strict deadline for book six hovering over my head; I needed to get crackin'. I had two months to brainstorm, write, proof-read, submit, re-write, and then re-submit my next book. I sat at my desk, creating and discarding story ideas. What if I based one off the "Dynasty Warriors" series? That was dynamic garbage. Then I got the idea to make one about a champion fighter, but it was too plain. I stared out my window, watching young kids playing with their Pokemon, hoping one day they would be able to travel the world.

"Come on Rusty, we need a good plot from you!" my assistant barked.

"Yeah, we need a good stowee from yew," his kid replied, poking my face.

"What is this little rat doing here?" I asked.

"Custody, the ex-wife insists that I have full custody of Ezekial," my assistant replied.

"Ezekial? That's a good name!" I replied, being struck with a hint of inspiration.

"E-zeke-ee-al. That is my name. Ezekial that is I! I'm the sheriff!" the three year-old chattered.

My assistant took his son out of the room. It was apparent that neither parent wanted Ezekial when he bounced around my writer's room, breaking anything in sight. His name gave me some source of inspiration, but without the other important elements of writing, I had no story. That's when a genius idea dawned on me!

"I wanna pway Race Car!" Ezekial whined.

"One second son, I have to check on Rusty," my assistant told him.

When he got to the writer's room, he realized that I had escaped through the window. He ran up to my desk and found the note I had left him.

"I was struggling to write a story when it dawned on me: I needed to experience the story first-hand! My Porygon and I have yet to explore the outside world. How can I possibly write a good story about something I myself have yet to experience? And so, I have left to explore the world, taking nothing but the essential Pokemon Trainer supplies, my sketchbook, pencils, and of course, Porygon. Don't worry, if all goes according to plan, I will have a genius story to turn in before the deadline.

~Rusty Anderson"


What I did not consider was my assistant's short fuse. He crumpled the note in his hand and ground his teeth. He pulled out a sleek black cell phone and flipped it open. He dialed 1-800-WEH-NT4U - the bounty hunter hotline.

"One eight hundred, we hunt for you, this is Sheila speaking," the receptionist answered, filing her nails.

"I need bounty hunters right away!" My assistant yelled.

"Of course you do sir, this number is nowhere close to the Pizza Hut," she replied, "Now, we have three packages. There's the Hitman package, which contains a single expert hunter, carrying a MK 2 tranquilizer pistol and a Swinub for scent-tracking."

"Hmm, what colors does it come in?"

"The hitman comes in your choice of white, black, or hispanic."

"Hmm, no, I'm dealing with a writer, they're notorious for smelling good."

"Our second package is the Sarah Connor package. It consists of several Terminator droids equipped with deadly weapons and thermal sensors. Each droid carries a Metagross to assist them.

"What series are the Terminator droids?"

"They are the T-600's."

"Oh that won't do, Porygon could screw their programming over."

"That just leaves the "Show Your Moves" package. This contains a single bounty hunter with a high-speed hover car. He flies solo and can deliver a devastating punch to your target."

"No, Rusty Anderson can do the Reverse Falcon Punch, so he'd screw that bounty hunter in a second."

"Did you say Rusty Anderson?" the receptionist asked, slamming her hands on the reception desk, "he's my favorite author. I'll give you the employees package, on the house. It has twelve trainers skilled in trapping techniques. Each has their own unique Pokemon. That will catch him for sure!"

"Thanks I appreciate it, send them to the Resort Area ASAP," my back-stabbing assistant said, closing his phone.

Elements of a Story - The Setting

It had been three hours since I left my home. The first thing I was looking for were beautiful locations. These locations would be worked into my new book somehow. I was walking through the thick forest between Resort Area and the coast. Nothing but big, brown, leafy trees were all around me.

Then I came across a small clearing in the forest. I took a minute to examine the area and fell for how beautiful it was. I reached into my bag, pulling out many colored pencils and a large pad of paper. I sat against a tree and began sketching what I saw. The trees stood strong in a perfect circle. I took extra care in perfecting each and every green leaf. The branches formed a canopy over my head. Rays of sunlight slipped through the gaps, creating a beautiful display. At the farthest edge of the clearing stood a large grey stone. Dark moss covered the left side of it, the side that was pointing North.

After sketching the clearing, I decided to walk due North. The sound of rushing water was soothing and promised a change of scenery. I had grown weary of being surrounded by trees. When I poked my head out of the cover, I saw a beautiful waterfall.

"This is beautiful," I thought, getting my sketchbook and pencils.

I inched closer to the fall and laid back against a rock. I first drew the ten-foot tall grey wall that dropped the water down. I then drew the fall itself, again making sure to catch every stray drop of water to give it life. I then drew the light blue stream that flowed between the grey stone. The air smelled like a mix of water and ocean air. It seemed strange at first, then I figured that a river leading from the ocean must have traveled over the edge.

My stomach started churning as I packed my bag. I looked around and saw a thick clump of leaves growing out of the rock wall. Bright red berries were clumped in the bush. I figured this would be as good a place as any to stop and get some rest. I carefully climbed up the rock wall so I could reach the berries. I plucked a few for now, and stashed some in my bag for later.

I leaned against the rock and sampled my first Cheri Berry. When I bit into the soft shell of the berry, red juices squirted into my mouth, coating my taste buds. It was sweet, yet spicy, just how I like my women. Then I remembered my under-appreciated friend. I pulled out a red-and-white ball that contained Porygon.

My Pokemon appeared in a flash of light. A pink duck with a polygon body, blue trapezoid feet attached to its sides, a triangular prism for a tail, and a blue chest happily cried.


The Virtual Pokemon cautiously surveyed the water. Despite being designed to travel anywhere, Porygon was still cautious of the water, as any computer should be. I was impressed when I received this gift, the scientists programmed it with a full set of emotions.

Suddenly, there was a loud yell, followed by a splash. I sat up and turned to the waterfall. There was a body lying in the white foam. I quickly ran into the water and looked at the kid. He couldn't be older than thirteen. His hair was so drenched that it was perfectly flat and pitch-black. I got closer in an attempt to save him.

"Gotcha," he smirked.

The falls burst open, revealing the Pincer Pokemon that was hidden in them. The bug was slightly taller than me, with thick claws for hands. Its exoskeleton glimmered like steel. Porygon rammed it before it could cause me any harm.


"Who are you, and what do you want from me?" I asked.

"My name is of no importance," the boy said, bringing himself up, "I am a bounty hunter. Don't worry, my client wants you alive."

"Who is your client?" I asked, cautiously backing away.

"Our clients reserve the right to remain anonymous until we complete our mission," the kid replied, slowly walking towards me.

"What does your client want from me?"

"You should spend less time worrying about my client, and more time paying attention to my Scizor," he replied, pointing behind me.

I turned around and found that Scizor was still occupied with Porygon. The sound of electricity behind me told me that I had been tricked. A black, pronged object was jammed into my neck, delivering an electrical shock. I quickly reacted, knocking the tazer into the stream. The water surged with electricity and broke the tazer.

"Let's battle honorably," I said, pointing at our Pokemon.

"Scizor Rock Smash, go!" the bounty hunter yelled.

"Porygon. Conversion2, Ghost-type, go!" I replied.

Scizor drew back its dominant claw, preparing to know Porygon to oblivion. My Virtual Pokemom surrounded itself in a strange light, causing it to become transluscent. Scizor's Rock Smash flew straight through Porygon! The duck removed itself from the claw and returned to the Normal-type.

"Now Porygon, Tri-Attack!" I yelled.

The pink duck spun its feet furiously. It fired three beams that spiraled towards Scizor. Red, yellow, and blue, they all clashed with the Bug/Steel-type, unleashing Fire, Electric, and Ice-type attacks respectively.

"Scizor use Metal Claw," my opponent said.

Scizor's claws started glowing silver. It swung them around recklessly, smashing my Pokemon around. When the attack was finished, Scizor's claws were still shining silver. Metal Claw's secondary effect had activated! In a few seconds, Scizor would attack Porygon with increased ferocity!

"Porygon, Zap Cannon, now! It might be our last hope!"

"Scizor, Rock Smash, let's end this!"

A large ball of electricity collected in front of Porygon's nose. Just like before, Scizor drew back its claw in order to smash my Pokemon's face in. It was literally microseconds away from doing just that when Porygon fired Zap Cannon. A large surge of electricity engulfed the Pincer Pokemon. When the attack ceased, Scizor was lying unconscious on the ground, radiating excess electricity.

"Scizor! no!" the young boy yelled, running to the aide of his injured Pokemon.

Without a word, the boy recalled his Pokemon and ran off. Despite his time as a bounty hunter, he was still just a child after all. Before I could congratulate Porygon on its successful victory, a gentle cry flowed from the trees.

"Who's there?" I asked, searching for the source of the noise.

A small white Pokemon with a green head and red horns. Ralts, the Feeling Pokemon had revealed itself to me.


"Ahh, so you'll be my first capture," I said, signaling Porygon.

Ralts sensed my spirit and agreed to battle Porygon. He made the first move by surrounding himself in a blue veil. My Virtual Pokemon was soon caught in the same light. Literally on a whim, Ralts smashed Porygon into the ground with his Psychic. Porygon, already winded from the previous battle with Scizor, was taking heavy damage, but that's why it comes built-in with a handy little move...

"Recover," I said, mantaining a sense of calm to prevent scaring the Feeling Pokemon.

Porygon began glowing in a purple light. The various bumps and bruises on its physical form were soon evaporated. But Ralts wasn't about to let Porygon heal itself. It gathered psychic energy and fired several multi-color leaves to cut Porygon while it was trying to heal.

"Porygon, Tri-Attack," I said.

My pink-and-blue duck fired three streams of color. Just like before, the colors spiraled until they hit their mark. The colors exploded, this time managing to burn the Feeling Pokemon. Ralts tried to connect with Porygon's mind using his Synchronize ability, but since Porygon has no natural mind, it was immune. I took advantage of the status condition my attack had inflicted and threw an empty Pokeball. I was inexperienced, so I had no idea what to expect to see if my capture was successful. While waiting, I spun around and marveled at the beautiful place I had found...
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Last edited by Gokudera-Kun; 06-08-2009 at 07:01 AM.
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  #2  
Old 06-08-2009, 07:03 AM
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Default Re: Search For A Story


Pokemon: Ralts
Target: 10,000 characters
Actual: 12,789 characters
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Old 06-28-2009, 10:33 PM
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Default Re: Search For A Story

I'm soo having this. Stupid parodies always get me up and running.
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Old 07-04-2009, 09:55 AM
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Default Re: Search For A Story

I'm sorry it took me so long to finish this...

Story:
You surprise me. You can come up with original things and write them without spoiling the twists you use. And you make me laugh, which is never a bad thing. You have some issues with the realism of some sequences, though- other than the obvious fourth wall breaches you pull off- but that's a rather minor aspect, when compared to the story as a whole. And, since this isn't really meant to be taken seriously in some places, I might be wrong as well. Anyway.

The bounty hunter kid, for example. If he's the professional he claims to be- and he should, as the receptionist said he was part of the employee-only pack- rationally speaking, he wouldn't break down just because his Scizor was injured... At least, I think so. I may be wrong, though.

Also, there was the fridge logic that always coats these kind of games/anime/stuff: why would one give up only because their pet (or deck of cards) has lost the battle? They can still cause some problems, but they surrender like they made a blood oath in the battle. The guy's a bounty hunter issued to bring the man back alive at any cost, after all. Now, I think you're gonna continue this story, so you may want to think about this thing a little more in next entries.

Detail/Desctiption: You never, ever described any human character. That's the main downside of writing in first person, after all. You being the character, it's not easy to fit in a physical description without making it feel forced.

People use the mirror effect to work around this: they reflect their image on a surface and describe what they see, so as to actually have a reason to hand out informations. You can as well break the fourth wall if you want, works just the same. Any solution will do, as long as you actually describe him.

Other than this, nice job describing the scenery- and having an excuse for your extra details was a good thing as well. Just one tiny detail bothered me...

Quote:
The air smelled like a mix of water and ocean air. It seemed strange at first, then I figured that a river leading from the ocean must have traveled over the edge.
how are a river that goes to the sea and the smell of ocean connected? Unless you're close to the ocean itself, there's no way the scent can travel backwards on a river.

Grammar: nothing I could spot, so you pass the basics for sure- that's all I care, after all. But.

You use too many periods. It kind of kills the mood of the story as it forces abrupt pauses while you describe things.

Practical example. Here's a quote from your story.
Quote:
Master Bates Library, the go-to place for the week. A poster hangs on the wall, inviting young readers in. This week is Meet the Author Week. MAW is a monthly occurence, usually full of authors forced to do community service. Most good authors are busy working on their next story. So then, why I am here? Writer's Block is a pain in the Feebas.
And here's how I'd do it- as lemony narrator, throwing my point of view in.

Quote:
Master Bates Library, the go-to place for the week. An event nobody should miss, it's Meet The Author Week!
Notice the sarcasm, please.
A shiny poster hangs on the wall, inviting young readers in for their shot at getting books signed by their authors in this community service-turned-event thing. Geez, why nobody really thinks of the authors! Good authors are busy working on their stories, yet they still have to attend this.
So, why am I here? Because Writer's Block is a pain in the Feebas.
I don't know if my point got across- I tried to make longer sentences to keep the flow going, instead of ending them with a period. Obviously, the use of short sentences is situational, not alway bad- but unless you're trying to build up suspense or keep a shroud of mystery, you'd avoid it.

Length: I'd liked Scizor battle to be a little longer, but I'm not complaining about it- the length range was fine. The battle with Ralts too should've been a little longer- I mean, 2 attacks only? (three, counting recover)

Battle: Well, not something that caught my eye that much. Conversion2 works randomly, or depending on what the Pokemon thinks it's best in the situation (which means it can't be influenced by the trainer), plus it takes effect only after the user has been hit by the move first. Other than that, it was fine but short for my liking. And Ralts didn't even get to do much, as you totally forgot Magical Leaf as soon as Porygon fired the Tri-attack.

Also, there was no mention of their surroundings in the battle- I mean, the field usually affects, in one way or the other, how a move can work in the Anime. I'm sure you can do much better than this.

Outcome:
this didn't really leave me with much of a choice. Honestly. You'd think that a good plot with witty remarks, scenery p___ and nice flot would instantly pass, and instead...

Instead that's exactly what happens. Ralts captured

I want to see more battle, next time, and with a better grasp of the surrounding of the Pokemon during battles- as your fixation with description demands ;p And don't forget the physical description of your character- or of other humans, for what matters.
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  #5  
Old 07-04-2009, 11:38 AM
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Default Re: Search For A Story

Lol, thanks DG. And with that, I think it's safe to say that I belong in the 3rd-Person Narration. :D
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